I don’t look it but I am the most gentle of flower
You told me I walked like a football player
I would never be loved
or get a good job
Instead of telling me I was strong, creative and reliable
you told me I was slow, stubborn and had to have things my way
I craved quiet and stability
but you could only give me chaos
The other flowers were your favorite
Their petals were thinner and more socially acceptable
they fit in the seats better
They didn’t have to fall apart to get a hug
You yelled at me every day even for things that weren’t my fault
He yelled at me too
She talked about me and everyone else
No one validated my feelings or dreams
I wish someone had done this for you
Maybe you could have known how to lead me better
For years I carried your responsibilities and cares
I never learned how to carry my own
I waited to be important and begged for what I needed
I was never talked to about me— but always talked about to everyone else
Every time you broke my privacy you killed my ability to trust you
So I stopped talking and I locked myself away from you
You reap what you sow
but I never got the relationships I needed from your garden
where people cared about me or knew the actual me
I was always told what you wanted me to be — but it never fit
I was different but I didn’t know I wasn’t wrong until your flower had a flower
and he was just like me and you loved him anyway
He helped me start to be free
Imagine if you hadn’t pushed and poked at me
or showed any protection from your other flowers
or didn’t cancel but always had time for your other flowers
or didn’t have to be begged to show up
There are a lot of pictures with you and your other flowers
maybe I could hear the nice things you say to me but that is not how your programmed me
What if you had been able to sew the gentleness I needed
What if you could have sung MY song back to me
What if you could have reveled in the actual me
or even just showed up at the hospital any of the times I needed a ride home
Maybe I wouldn’t have had to leave your garden
Maybe I wouldn’t mourn what we could have had
I am so conditioned I don’t hear your good words
Email is better
I can read them 3 times & realize you aren’t abusing me now
Besides your other flowers were glad to see me go
Competition is not for me and you never talk about yourself anyway
I don’t want to hear about everyone else
I am working hard to grow my own new roots
It is easier now that you can’t dump your refuse on me
when I have made a step forward
Like clockwork everyone in your garden knew when to show up and keep me down
I have things to do — I’ve given all I can to you
I have forgive you but the pain is still real
I miss you but I can’t help you
This broken flower has to fight for me now
~
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