To Be Your Auntie

by | Apr 19, 2024 | Poetry

Each step I got to be there for
was magic to me
I wasn’t your mother
I was your Auntie

~

Sometimes I fought for you
because I saw something
your parents couldn’t
They thought it was a weakness
I believed my perspective was a blessing
I didn’t have their burdens
I had no expectations
I just loved you
I just wanted you to be you

~

I didn’t leave you
I went to find and care for me
Without you I would never have known
I was who I am
I found a piece of me in each of you
I am so thankful
to be your Auntie
Your bright eyes may have been
the only ones I let see me

~

You thrive in my dreams and prayers
Everything I do has nothing
to do with anyone but me and God
I hope you can say the same
I would enjoy a relationship
outside the rule of familial traditions
But my real hope for you is
Self-Love, Peace, Creativity and Joy
However you can find it

~

No matter what
I will always be your Auntie
Even if I only see your beautiful smile
while I sleep

~

Dedicated to JJ, AM, JD, CJW, KG and BR

~

She was An Anchor

by | Mar 5, 2024 | Poetry

This sadness knocks the wind out her
It is heavy like a coat soaked with rain
Carrying it around makes it impossible to breathe
yet she must

Thank You that I knew her
because with out her
I wouldn’t be exactly who I am

She is more than some of the reflection in my mirror
and someone in my dreams
She was an anchor

I am not the only one who loved her
I wish I could dry my mother’s tears
Please carry her
because I never could
Even though I tried

Thank You that are the true anchor
The one that carried us all
The one that still carries us now

~

The Monster Inside of Me

by | Jan 4, 2024 | About Summer, Poetry

The monster inside of me doesn’t care about what I think
or feel or want to be
I was born with this and I don’t think it cares how old I am
It is part of my genealogy
I see it in ancestors and a few who have come after me

~

I have tried to get rid of this thing that rages
Unlike a few fractures that stayed a long time, I won’t name it
It is a thorn in my side and I have only learned to control me
not the monster that finds joy in causing pain

~

I used to break things to satisfy its temper
Hurting people hurt me too much
The feeling of satisfaction made me want to throw up
I learned to limit myself
to remain sober
to make rules so I am always in control

~

I NEVER feed the monster
I don’t watch fighting, or horror movies or the news
I don’t spent time with people that rely on savagery
I forgive often
I listen to music that makes me happy<

~

The meds I take help me use my tools
I make better choices
My mind works slower and more efficiently
but I never forget the monster
I have more boundaries for myself than for others

~

I see people who have their own monster and I pray for them
God leads me away from my danger zones
I know He can help them too
He doesn’t take the monster because it keeps me humble
It helps me remember that I am imperfect
It makes me work hard to love myself

~

The monster makes it easy to love those that seem unloveable
because I am just like them
Behind my abstinent face with the pleasant smile
I know what I choosing not to do
When the monster is awake
Besides praying it will go back to sleep

~

I Hope For You

by | Dec 30, 2023 | Poetry

To know you are so close
but so far away hurts
but I know you have things to do
and I have got used to the ache
I’ve loved you with all my heart
and taught you to think for yourself

~

I’d hoped when you were a grown up
we could be friends
That no matter what they said
you would remember who I really am
How I let you define yourself
and how I delighted in you

~

I am proud of you
I know you are succeeding
Exploring and growing
Even if you are failing and starting over
that’s the best to learn

~

I will always be available
to hear how you conquered your world
have new dreams and visions
To pray for your courage and strength
The thought of you filling my doorway
makes me catch my breath

~

I’ll love you always
I hope for you
Because that is what this auntie does

~

My Soldier & I

by | Dec 29, 2023 | About Summer, Art, Poetry, Queer Community

I didn’t move into her camp
She moved into mine
My soldier & I, together
worked hard to make it ours

~

Doctors & therapists were helpful
to give me a name for all
the things that make me different
I had been asking for help for so long

~

Medical professionals thanked her for believing me
I guess some people
don’t have a soldier like mine
But I knew that

~

Whether it was trying new meds
dressing wounds
changing diet & exercise
She never forgets the battle plan

~

I didn’t leave you because I am queer
I left because I begged for no judgement
& I needed love & peace & compassion
& I finally have it

~

I have everything I want right here

~

Grandparents Understand

by | Dec 27, 2023 | About Summer, Art, Poetry

Nana told me grandparents understand
I had told her I was sad
I had learned late
it was my responsibility to make time
for Grandma Clem

~

I was baking banana bread
when she came to me
My heart felt warm
and I knew Grandma Clem
was here

~

She told me she knew her son
She knew what he did
It was ok I hadn’t come
to her funeral
Grandparents understand

~

No More Letters

by | Dec 23, 2023 | About Summer, Art, Poetry

I have been the daughter of a fool
For so long I wanted you
to remember you loved me
to choose me one time

~

Back when we built things together
and grew things in the dirt
and danced to Thriller and Three Dog Night
Before you dishonored our home
Before you left
Before you broke all your promises
I knew you loved me

~

When she announced the nuptials
we weren’t invited to
she told me you two were
more important than the rest of us
and you have proven it true many times

~

The letter you sent me for my birthday
implies you think I want you back
Let me be clear
I am not safe with you and her
I have know this for a long time
And unlike you
I am not a fool

~

The Icon

by | Dec 1, 2023 | Opinions, Poetry

I breathe in because I am human
I say your name because you are human too
I have lived the life of a performer
The lights
the bystanders
the costumes and makeup
They cost too much

I don’t keep my secrets anymore
They are too heavy
I want my yes to be yes
and my no to be no
I need yours to be as close as possible to that too
I don’t want to watch you perform and be worshipped
Your smile shines brightest over coffee
and honesty
and confidence
and God diffusing His knowledge in every place

I have been labeled uptown
I have made peace with that
but I am not hoity toity
I do like elegant things and my style is timeless
I like to present a clean and honest face
The same face
to everyone
That is hard sometimes but I try
If you feel judgement
it is probably me judging me
and then my prayers that God bless us both

You have let me see a little
of you without your costume on
That is the side I like best
and I am literally not talking about
a selfy with no makeup on
I know I am asking a lot
But I don’t trust performers

Please stop inviting me to your shows
until you can at least call me back

Reference: Matthew 5:36; 2 Corinthians 2:14

~

 

Letting Things Go

by | Nov 21, 2023 | About Summer, Yarn

I have been purging and letting things go that I don’t want to take care of anymore. After the loss of the second storage unit Karen and I have had together, I have learned that letting things go is a good thing. Some things we lost were valuable, even priceless maybe, but they are just things. Things can be acquired. What is important is relationships and time.

So as it has become time to renew domains, I am realizing that I no longer need KnottyWares.com. All my crochet items listed on the site, marketing gear and even most of my crochet hooks and bobbles were lost in the last storage unit and really I have never sold anything off the site. I sold a few custom items but usually I donated most of the items I made to other nonprofits. I have new crochet hooks and now I occasionally make things for my grand-nephews.

I have slowly changed my email over to summer at goodtimesalways.com because I would rather advertise my blog so even my doctor’s offices know this new address and the only emails I get at my old KW’s address are advertisements. I hate advertisements. So if you want to email me you can remember this email address or go over to the Contact page and send me an email through the form.

I deleted the Knotty Wares Facebook Page on Friday. I thought I would be more emotional about it. I had put so much time and devotion into this campaign; hours were spent on the logo itself. But it was really easy. This tells me that I am truly done with Knotty Wares, which was really started, hoping to have something fun with a friend that really never wanted to do this with me in the first place and eventually we let the friendship go too. That reminds me…I still need to take down Twitter and Etsy. I really tried but I wasn’t successful. I guess I was just meant to give these gifts out of love.

So this translates throughout life as well. We learn what we don’t need to carry around anymore and what is important to hold onto.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

I Got Caught Pleasuring Myself [SPAM]

by | Oct 2, 2023 | About Summer, Art, Education, Life, Marketing, Opinions

Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself! This weekend I got an email from a spammer. They claimed that they infected my computer with a private trojan, remote administration tool that allows them to access my accounts, my camera and microphone. They also told me I enjoy checking out porn sites having kinky fun and they recorded me through my own camera: I got caught pleasuring myself. Actually, by Monday, I had got 4 emails.

I am really good at avoiding spam because I am very mindful about my computer use, maybe because I have OCD and I have to do things a certain way. Maybe I don’t freak out because when I worked for 3 years doing customer service and website design the one thing I learned the most, was that staying calm was paramount to solving a problem; getting upset only makes it harder to think.

My bank knows when I am not shopping because I only shop and pay certain ways and they call me if anything is different from my usual use. I have a sticky note over my camera unless I am Facetiming or Zooming with my sister, Jamie Holloway, or therapist or doctors. I only use my computer when I am home alone because I value family time so if someone has my microphone hacked they will hear me talking to my cat or whatever music I am playing…And I am a queen who loves her wife and is bored to tears with porn. When you have chronic pain a computer chair and laptop is far from sexy. So if my velvety soft, gingerbread queen is not with me, I am not interested…

But maybe they did catch me the other day…talk about pleasuring myself, I bought Karen G Clemenson two new pairs of jeans for work so I can go a couple more days between having to do laundry!

By the way, if you have emails like that just delete them and empty your trash bin so they are not sitting on your computer. You might want to change your email password as an extra precaution. Don’t ever click on any links in the email!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Where We Are Going

by | Sep 11, 2023 | Art, Poetry

I hear her crying
Sometimes raging
She has lots of emotions
She has suffered another great loss
Reminders of her past
Heirlooms of those she has loved
A feeling of comfort for
when they are ready for the next step
forward
The real loss is the truth that those
things are gone

~

These thoughts that sound like old ones
make her so tired
It is hard to move
To imagine moving onward
so hard
so so tired
The whisper of death a comfort last night
for the first time in a long time
She is depleted by the belief of
starting over again

~

She hears You coaching
Your wisdom has kept her
from doing anything that can’t
be undone
But her ears are sometimes blocked
by the sound of her tears
She knows You are with her
She is aware she has not lost
the most important things but
the hole inside is real

~

The life she has always wanted
seems to be getting farther
and farther away
It is hard to breathe
Why did You let her want
something she can’t have?
She has a vision yet still no path
She has been borrowing Your faith
for a long long time
Thank You for carrying her
for hedging her in
You will prevail again
We know You know where we are going

 

~

Behind Me

by | Aug 2, 2023 | Poetry

You dumped rocks on my flowers
You took what you needed
When you gave me anything
it was because you wanted more

You’ve never asked me what I thought
You’ve never spoken to my face
You enlisted others
to speak for you or about me

Behind my back

You locked me out
You lied about me
You never helped me when I needed it
But I have my own keys now

And you are behind me

But you are not locked out
You are not unforgiven
You are just not invited
If you want to move forward with me
you will have to communicate and respect my boundaries

~

Image note: White Azaleas in a Flower Pot by Paul De Longpre.

~

~

This Broken Flower

by | Jun 5, 2023 | Poetry

I don’t look it but I am the most gentle of flower
You told me I walked like a football player
I would never be loved
or get a good job
Instead of telling me I was strong, creative and reliable
you told me I was slow, stubborn and had to have things my way (more…)

My Thoughts Are Hard To Deal With

by | Mar 31, 2023 | Poetry

Every lunatic I have ever thought of blocking
on Facebook has been trying to reach me
I must be made of stone still
I feel like with the right amount of wind
I could crumble

~

There are two kinds of women
the ones you want to know
and the ones that should jump off a bridge
at least the ones who jump off the bridge
if they live through it
will have a different perspective on life

~

Someone asked me if I had a superpower what would it be
I said I wanted to make everyone
feel good on the inside
My wife said she wants to fly
She is his hero
I fly in my dreams
it is overrated

~

I fought with a couple of men for two days
about guns
I realized it meant nothing
I have never needed a gun
and they don’t know life without one
We don’t speak the same language

~

I am not perfect
I am a little broken this week
Maybe God is removing that stone
since He wants a soft heart to work with
My thoughts are hard to deal with
to hand to Him

~

But I am trying

~

I Hate You

by | Mar 28, 2023 | Poetry

If I were to make my outside
look like my inside
you would probably say it was my fault
The knife cuts and the razor blades
would only embellish where the scars don’t already live

~

You wouldn’t smile at me while we spoke
We would never speak honestly
It wouldn’t matter how pretty my teeth are
my smile would never shine enough
to help you get beyond your terrifying truth

~

It wouldn’t matter what color my eyes chose to be today
You would not be able to look me in the eye
The puss and the infection would offend you before
you could get close enough to see them
You might not look at me at all

~

The process of healing takes time
sometimes you have to start over
sometimes you find more scars
when you thought you were done
I am so angry

~

I am so angry that I feel those knife cuts
even though I didn’t make them
I am so angry that I feel like I am bleeding out
even though it is just figurative
but it feels like it did when it happened

~

Every time you hurt me
Every time you lied
Every time you manipulated the world to serve you
I never heard you behind my back
but I heard what you said about others
why wouldn’t you speak lies about me

~

I hate you
My therapist says its ok
She says anger is meant to push me to
change something or protect something
Either way it has to be me that gets better

~

God knows you never did

~

Emergency Shelter

by | Mar 6, 2023 | Art, Poetry

I can feel your tears like acid

on the inside of me

Your open hands begging for

someone to hold them in love

You are so well groomed

You don’t know how lucky you are

to be breathing

~

I hear one hundred and one reasons

they deserve to be forgiven

Their brokenness was not your fault

Their brokenness is not a good reason

Their brokenness is their responsibility

You could never save them

They don’t want to be saved

~

And then you whisper another atrocity against you

~

I am not an unkind person

I see their value and I pray they choose right

To set you free

To do the work to be free

to each of you finding the love inside yourselves

So maybe you might find

the person that helps you breathe

instead of threatening your life

~

And I Said NO

by | Mar 1, 2023 | About Summer, Poetry

Sometimes we can’t see straight until we are removed
The situation is confused by emotions we want to feel
or don’t know how to name correctly
until we do
And often we are far on the other side before we know those words

~

I remember those days that I thought I would die
because they left me without their love
I missed the twinkle of their eye and their silly dance
I missed the way they played the drums
it always made me move
I missed laughing and feeling like I was home

~

Their phone call left me wounded
Walking around with a sucking chest wound
was a challenge
Each step a necessity and hope to get back to my aloneness
where I didn’t have to struggle to breathe so much
The tears kept my pillow like a swamp
Luckily I knew how to float on my back

~

But as I kept walking forward I started to find
the me I had lost while I was absorbed in what I thought was love
but was much more than love
in a way that I had got lost in it and couldn’t see
Because I forgot to love me
or I couldn’t love me and follow their rules

~

The multiple and paranoid texts while I was at school
The constant and easily triggered anger over anything
I was always trying to counter
The times I gave into what they wanted to avoid their whining
They could kiss me when they wanted but if they didn’t want a kiss…
Everything was up to them

~

Until they dumped me
And I was alone
And I found me
And when they came back and tried to reengage
I was stronger
I was aware of their abuse
I saw behaviors I didn’t want in my life
And I said NO

~

Bruises

by | Feb 16, 2023 | Cancer, Poetry

My arms and torso and legs are covered in yellow
not my happy yellow but the one with a bit of brown mixed in
that makes me sad to look at
It is heavy and thick like wet cement
and made worse by the valentines I can’t swallow

~

If I could have a baby
the one I have always wanted
I would paint their room a rainbow
including yellow with a hint of lavender
my favorite color
But it wouldn’t be the color that would make me smile

~

How would you know
You have never had a child
These are mean words that cut deeper than the curette
used to cut away at the cancer cells inside my uterus
The bleeding and cramping will heal after the medical procedure
but I will be forgiving for a much longer time

~

I told them to go away and then I made them do it
because I was tired of feeling rejected
unloved
I told them what I needed
But after the compassion was handed out to everyone else
There was never enough for me

~

I want to be green and lush
Cool and clean
but my memories keep me awake and steal my smiles
I feel so alone even though You are with me
Why can’t I let this sadness go

~

Radiation treatment is the next trauma
I don’t know what color I will be then
but I know You will be carrying me
when I can’t move on my own

~

Thankfully He is Not A Hateful God

by | Dec 31, 2022 | Poetry

We protect them because they are cowards
who hide cowardly behind their sin
We are used to their weaknesses
We are used to being told to be quiet
We quietly keep the church pews clean

~

We put on our pretty clothes
We wear our pretty smiles and keep our secrets
behind the makeup we are so good at wearing
while victims are left in the gutter
No one will believe them because we wont protect them

~

Jesus said to defend the weak so we do
but He didn’t mean the ones with the big bibles
the dogma, the church standards, the ones who cover up with old money
God said to feed the poor, clothe the naked and lift up the downtrodden
instead we molest them, bend to complaints of neighbors, leave them to the government

~

And we hide behind our tax free pews

~

I am a sinner because I am married to my best friend
and we share the same sex
But members of your church leadership are
alcoholics, drug addicts, rapists and voyeurs
and don’t forget the ones that like to touch your children

~

I am not turned on by your big fancy buildings
your bids for money to save people on the other side of the world
I don’t care about how many big screens you have on the
inside and outside of your building
When your ego is bigger than your god

~

God has mercy on us all
Thank You Jesus for Your faithfulness to the action plan
I miss the music from the pews and the honest lovers of Christ
But I am so angry and so tired of how complicated we have made
Loving Jesus together

~

Holiday Peace and Joy

by | Dec 14, 2022 | Essential Oils, Life, Marketing, Opinions

Merry Christmas! I wish you Holiday Peace and Joy at this beautiful time of year that is celebrated for many reasons by many types of people and religions and I hope you all feel blessed.

I want to tell you a cute story about my cat. I have been using Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils for 11 years and I am not sure how many times I have been asked if they are safe for cats but, as a person who has been learning as I went, so has my cat. Xavier (pronounced Javier) is very much like his particular and opinionated mommy. He likes things the way he likes them and when Xavier is not happy, no one is happy. I am used to getting up at least once in the night to give him his 5 am feeding (he has IBS and is a compulsive eater) and love on him which is just as important for my anxious little guy. We play music at night because Xavier demands it but he has also grown accustomed to the diffuser.

The other night was not like other nights: We had cuddled. He had been fed. I made sure the bathtub was slowly dripping (he wont drink sitting water). The music was still playing and I was trying to separate myself to go back to bed but Xavier would not have it. He sat on the floor looking at me and grunting until I realized that the diffuser had gone dry.

After I was done laughing; I mean what else can you do? I refilled the defuser and put On Guard in it…that is his favorite oil. How do I know? He will lay on the floor beneath the diffuser for a bit and then run around the room and play and then come back to the diffuser and take a nap…

So the main rule is that the cat needs to be able to get away from the oil. Don’t apply oils to the cat directly or give them to the cat internally. Wash your hands after you have been working with oils to keep them from licking the oils off your hands. Cats have very different metabolisms than humans do and ingesting certain oils can be lethal. But diffusing is the safest way to use oils around cats because they are diluted by the water.

Now back to Holiday Peace and Holiday Joy…These are seasonal oils that doTERRA puts out and they are lovely. Here is my trick. I have never made a point of buying both of them until this year and when I got them I tried them in the diffuser individually and thought they were lovely but what I really enjoyed was putting them together with a little Peppermint…that was the Golden Ticket. Talk about smelling the holidays! I highly suggest this combination!

If you have any questions about Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils please Contact Me.

From my family to yours, we hope that you are blessing during this season.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

A New Chapter

by | Sep 19, 2022 | About Summer, Exclaim it!, Life, Marketing, Opinions

Do you ever just feel like something is about to change? You don’t know what it is but you feel an ambition to do things you haven’t had before? Well, I have to say, I feel a new chapter coming on.

I have reached the point that I have over 300 posts on my blog and that was no easy task. I am not sure that the book reviews are where I will stay but it gives me something to write about and that it is good. It also inspires me to keep reading and that is also a plus.

I feel like God is pushing me towards something; maybe a dream that I don’t know how to achieve on my own.

One of the verses in my bible study today was 3 John 1:2:

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

Writing is a great hobby but if my dream is to have guardianship over children and give them a well-loved, cultured, educated and even a bit of a traveled life, I need to find a way to do that and hobbies don’t provide money. I don’t have a body that can work a physical job and I want to be at home with the children we are entrusted with, I could do that as a writer…something I have always wanted to be. So…since college is not on the table right now, and I don’t have children right now, I will read everything I can get my hands on and write for practice and see what happens.

I am reading a collection of essays by William Deresiewicz entitled The End of Solitude. In one of his articles he writes:

“A recent article in the New York Times proclaimed the gladsome tidings. ‘New support for the value of fiction,’ it announced, ‘is arriving from an unexpected quarter: neuroscience.’ Our brains light up like Christmas trees, it turns out, when we are exposed to narrative language. Not only that, but reading fiction increases our ability to empathize with others.” The End of Solitude; Chapter 30 — Studies Show Arts Have Value — by William Deresiewicz

I am not surprised by this bit of information at all. I can read all day long and research all the facts I want but when I really see emotional growth is when I let myself enjoy my favorite genre, historical fiction. Deresiewicz’s essays are interesting and stretch my brain about topics I have put little time into learning; they are important to my personal growth, but I was resenting them until I picked up Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson. That little break helped me to embrace the growth that was to come with the next 10 essays. And now as I have begun reading The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenigger, I will gladly finish Deresiewicz’s criticism of the art forms around him.

So yesterday I spent much of the day combining many of my To Read lists. I found nearly 300 books I want to read, until my sister, Jamie Holloway, reminded me about my GoodReads list…thanks Sister! Today I updated my Twitter and LinkedIn profiles. I really have gotten to where I agree with Deresiewicz in chapter 4 where he says: Technology claims to save humanity but it actually seems to abolish what is most human, which puts culture against culture.

I didn’t really have to read that to feel how impersonal social media is. I have alienated all my social media accounts except Facebook which I only peruse daily, hoping for something positive to share. I post on my blog when I have something to say because I don’t want to be censored. But in the end, I realize that people are using these tools so if I want to share my ideas on my blog, and want to have people see them, I need to be using social media to reach the people. Who knows? Maybe my faith will be rekindled…or maybe I will still feel more like going to find real people to talk to..either way I need an audience.

I would really love some feedback. If you want to suggest a topic I would love to write about it. Let me know!

Enjoy your day!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

In the Middle of the Night

by | May 8, 2022 | Poetry

There is a wound that you opened

It is new with blood

and old with scars upon scars

There is a metal taste I wish I could forget

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You say you are the victim

but I saw you and I wasn’t alone

we heard your hate that was just like

the evil meant to keep me small

I just want to go to sleep

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Therapy has helped me live

Pills help me slow down so I am better

but I can still be cut in two

There is still a pain that can make it hard to move

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They couldn’t bite your head if you left when they asked

if you didn’t invade their space

if you didn’t keep pushing

I couldn’t cut my abuser in two

if they didn’t corner me in the middle of the night

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A tongue is a double edged sword

it can slay or tell truths

The victim is a relative term depending on your perspective

The screaming radiates in my ears regardless of radical acceptance

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I just want to go to sleep

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