I don’t feel broken
I don’t focus on my scars
I don’t feel desperate when I talk to Jesus
because He knows how He carried me
and how far
~
I might be in a storm
and I might be tired
But I have to be pretty worn out
before I pause or think of giving up
and even then
I know I just need to hand the reins to God
and take a nap
~
I have passed through many rivers
and never been overcome
I have walked through many flames
and I have never caught on fire
Sometimes when you think you are reminding me
that I am not alone
I worry that over the sound of you I won’t hear the voice
that got me through these trials
That created this trust I hold
~
When you look at my mistakes and call them failures
God has taught me
to be thankful for the learning process
You said I am here because I earned it
But you don’t truly comprehend that I have never been alone
I have walked with God since I was a child
And when I needed more Karenwas ready to step in and even if you can’t understand
God is head of our household
and together we stand side by side
~
I am here to learn to trade love for fear
and to be a blessing Christ was challenged while He was on earth
why would I expect anything different
If I want to be like Him
I should expect a few trials
but I have mercy and love because He said so
~
It only looks like I am walking here
because He has been carrying me all along
I asked God to help me not say fuck
when you are here
I remember when Casey was 3
and I told him not to say that same word
around you because it hurt your feelings
~
I know the same God that
helped me quit smoking
and who loves you more than me
will help me find other words to use around you
And not because Nana would disapprove
~
Nana is with Jesus now
and the things that trip up humans
are not holding her back anymore
She understands the roar in my ears
The constant pain I live in
The distractions and worries that keep my hand at my throat
just like her when she was here
The ambitions I have to choose from because
I only have so many spoons and pennies
~
I learned so much from Nana while she was here
She taught me how to live
She taught me manners and how to love
She taught me about choice and family
But now she is gone and I am learning to walk without her
~
But Nana is still in my heart
~
Note: I wrote this poem on 9/10/2026 but I misplaced it and it took me a while to find it
If you were to stand on top of a mountain in an area where land was owned, boundaries would be easily seen, marked by fences, streets and structures that confine. But if you were to imagine that I am my own mountain, that you are your own beautiful valley, and that your neighbor is unchartered wilderness, the boundaries might be harder to know. Especially if you don’t really recognize yourself. But boundaries are part of good mental health.
Many of us worry more about fixing others, over our own needs because our own needs are too much. We built a life where trust is complicated. We say you can trust me, but I don’t really trust you. We have been hurt deeply; so much so that we never really came back. We can’t really trust ourselves, but we will fix you.
That’s why boundaries are hard to understand. Boundaries feel bad if you don’t understand them, if you are not on stable ground, if you need to be in control, if you are not used to getting your needs met by anyone other than yourself. If we are talking about property rights, you might be able to understand because there are contracts and laws involved. But since we are talking about my heart, you expect free range because that is what you have always taken. Yet that is not the way I have built the life I live now.
Now I want to be myself.
If you wanted to have a party in my garden on a specific day and the details worked for both of us, we could have a great day. But if my mother-in-law died and my wife is struggling, and my chronic illness is flaring and my cancer came back and I can’t handle the noise and mess of the party, I would expect you would have compassion. I would expect that you would understand that we would probably postpone or maybe cancel the party, or at least that you would find another place to have your party. Even if you had already invested in repairs to the garden, bought all the garden furniture and even had a gardener come to make the yard perfect. I know it would be an expense to you, and I would do what I could to make it up to you later, but it would be the thoughtful thing to do.
I don’t live in a world that is thoughtful. I know this, but I have built a world that I choose to live in that is thoughtful, or at least I try to be as much as possible. When I am upset, I dream about what I could do to help myself feel better. I know I might not be able to do it, or it might take me a long time to be able to afford it, but it gives me hope. I sent thank you notes and birthday cards, when I remember; chronic pain and memory loss sometimes make it hard to be as thoughtful as I want to be, but I keep trying. I am not casual about relationships, so I can’t have a lot of close ones, because it takes a lot to take care of myself and my family.
Personal boundaries are new to me. I learned then in therapy and reading books and I am still learning them. Emotional or behavioral limits or any limits that I got to pick were not something I was not taught growing up. We just didn’t know how. These limits are meant to make me feel safe and respected and heard in relationships and I like it.
Today I heard Michael Thompson, an influencer I listen to, say: Love yourself to be yourself.” I love this. We need to be free to be ourselves and we need to let others be themselves. We sometimes also need to set limits on how much time we give to people who haven’t learned how to let us be ourselves.
That is something my friend Linea taught me. She told me that if someone is not allowing you to be yourself than you need to decide how much time you are going to allow them to have in your life. This is the hard part. Because when you love someone and you want to be around them, but they keep overstepping your boundaries, eventually you have to decide how much time you can give them. I don’t respond well to criticism. I shut off. It is my natural response to it. Pushing me has the same effect. It isn’t that I don’t like to be told what to do, at this point in my life, I know I have the right to choose, and I just stop when you disrespect me. I don’t have to let you finish your explanation; I don’t have to let you have your way, if you were hitting me, you would know it was abuse, but words hurt sometimes more than fists.
I have built the life I want. I don’t care if I am not wealthy, I will never change how I think or live. Money is a tool. When I am overwhelmed, the bible will always be where I go, because that is where I find what I am looking for. If I am being pushed, I will push people away because I do not respond well to being pushed, I never have. I don’t have to be what other people want me to be. I was not created to make anyone, other that God happy, and He delights in me. I love people, but I love me and out of the abundance of love that is in me, that is found in Christ, I love others.
I understand not trusting people. Every person I have every trusted has failed me. Some people can’t be let back in, because they did not repent. The definition of repentance is to feel sincere regret or sorrow about something you did that was wrong and then make a conscious effort to change your behavior. We don’t talk about this enough: not in church or anywhere. But this is important. You can’t just say you are sorry. You have to try to change. I have forgiven people, but they didn’t change. They didn’t try to make themselves a safe space for me so I can’t allow them access to me. Part of loving myself is protecting myself from unsafe people.
This is good mental health. I love you. Be Blessed.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
We had planned to grow old together
while we giggled in math class
or fell asleep because life was challenging
We recognized a sameness
in each other
Not exactly but we knew to be gentle
How to not push on the damaged parts
~
Our love has always been as honest
as we could afford to be
It was earned and learned
We even took a break
when we could not grow
beside each other Trauma is a terrible divider
~
Real love made us sisters
Even separated we were devoted
Love brought us back together
because true love can seed reconciliation
and God is the best Creator
He knew we needed each other
~
We have spoken life to each other
I know God has written the script
more than once
when I could hear no one
I could hear you
I have felt the temperature change
because I said or didn’t say something
~
I have enjoyed reaching middle age with you
I don’t care about things that use to
be so heavy
Honesty has sometimes gotten easier
but sometimes it is harder too
We aren’t going to grow old together
I don’t want to waste our time talking about it
~
You have helped make me brave
You have helped me look at things
I didn’t want to see
You have helped me find the real me
You helped me find my voice
You showed me how to let others be
You have been one of my greatest gifts
~
I can never repay you
and you will never ask
But if you want anything
If I can bless you in any way
that I haven’t thought upon on my own
all you have to do is ask
Love is just not a big enough word
My goal is to remember to talk to God first every day. Today I didn’t forget. God knows I don’t mean to forget but I get distracted. I talk to God throughout the day. It is my goal to make God first. I know God is busy. Today I know I can’t do this day without some help.
The cancer is back. Yesterday I found out that surgery is not an option. It took me several hours, but I finally cried when it was just me and Karen G Clemenson and it was almost time for bed.
On July 9th I found out that the cancer had returned after a trip to the ER. I was having severe abdominal pain, and I was afraid I would not be able to walk if I waited longer. From imaging, PeaceHealth St John said they thought the cancer was back. After my gynecological oncologist at Legacy Salmon Creek, Dr Westhoff, had seen the imaging and also compared it with the PET scan I had, she confirmed that endometrial cancer had returned in a different spot and was also in the lymph nodes. I have been taking Letrozole since then. This drug does not cause blood clots or weight gain, like Megestrol, which is the drug I took with my first bout. However, Letrozole does cause pain.
I have been struggling with my emotions quietly because I had just got my energy back from my 3-year battle and the one internal radiation treatment, that took a year for me to heal from. The experience left a lasting effect, mentally and physically.
I had a biopsy on my lymph nodes on July 22nd.
On July 24th I went back to PeaceHealth St John ER because the pain in my abdomen was so terrible that I could not stand up straight. Even with taking 5 mg of Oxycodone. After more imaging was done, they thought that I had an ovarian torsion, which means the ovary is twisted over onto itself and cutting the blood supply off. While there, they gave me another 5 mg of Oxycodone. Later they gave me some Dilaudid. They eventually gave me some Fentanyl. I don’t know why anyone would take Fentanyl for fun, even when I was trying to focus on breathing, they had to give me oxygen because I could not breathe enough while on that medication. Finally, they sent me home with a few prescriptions for pain, and also an antibiotic for a UTI, and told me to follow up with my oncologist and primary.
So, yesterday, Karen and my mom and I met with Dr Westhoff online to hear that after Dr Westhoff had reviewed all the imaging and labs, she does not agree that I have an ovarian torsion, but what the doctors at St John saw was the mass on my lymph node. She said because the cancer is in the lymph nodes and where they are located that it is difficult to get to them and I could bleed out by trying to get to them. Our best chance at success is to stay with the systemic treatment of medication first. We will stay with Letrozole for at least another month and do imaging to see if it is working. She would prefer to use Megestrol, but I have said no because it causes weight gain and blood clots; but it also kills cancer more effectively. I might have to take a larger dose of Eliquis and be more careful with my food intake, if we don’t have a choice.
Chemotherapy and Radiation are options. I don’t want radiation. She saw the look on my face and let me know that internal radiation is not an option this time. External radiation would be much gentler. That one radiation treatment was hell. But if we have to do it. I will fight.
Dr Westhoff said I will need to accept a lot more medications to handle symptoms. There is a lot of pain. There will be a lot of pain. Opioids cause constipation. Tylenol causes my body to make extra stomach acid, so I don’t use it. But that is a necessary supplement now. I need to go on an antacid. I need to use MiraLAX every morning. There are other supplements I may need to keep on hand when those don’t work.
I have not been doing my workouts since my last trip to the ER because I was afraid of hurting my ovary. But I am not afraid of hurting cancer. I will begin my workouts again today. This will help my body and mind. I need normalcy.
I told Jamie Holloway last night. She is having her own struggles right now too. I know she was trying to be strong for me too. She asked what she could do to support me. I am always amazed by her; she fights for every breath, and she asks me how she can help me. I told her to pray. I told her I will be ok. I have 14 diagnoses and cancer is the only one that can be cured. I remind myself of that. It got me through the first time, and it will get me through this time too. But if you got this far, maybe you could pray for both Jamie and I. Thank you.
I love you. Be blessed.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I heard today that here are times
that just like me
you want the pain to stop so badly
that you want to die
~
So I want to tell you
that the day you were born
I was forever made better
because my heart began to walk outside
~
I would do anything to see your smile
That even if we need to cry or scream
for many days first
I would wait for your smile
~
There is a piece of me missing
as long as you are away
You enrich everyone around you
because there is no one else like you
~
Your way of thinking inspires me
When you reteach me what I thought I already knew
it takes my breath away Your dreams are like firecrackers on the 4th of July
~
No one else can youlike you do
Even if you piss off one person
you are gift to someone else
You showed me what I was here for
~
So when you feel like you doubt your value
come find me and I will show you Good job being special I am proud of you
I knew your nasty cancer ass was here
before the test came back positive
Nobody else feels like you do
But I decided I won’t give you what you want Anger is your favorite side of me
So I might be a little sad, tired, or scared
But I am surrounded by strength
When I don’t have my own
I have someone else to hold onto
I will focus on thankful
I will perpetuate education
and hope and peace and love
because that is how we won the first time
~
Grammy has been here
You liked her so well
you attacked her twice and won
Nana visited me too
She beat you twice
Grandma beat you more than once
She has also stopped by recently
to remind me how strong I am
My grandmothers remind me that
technology has come so far since their day
But life goes on and they are still supporting me
because love doesn’t die
Even if bodies do
~
Mom asked me why you’re back
I know she just wants me not to hurt Sickness just happens sometimes God never promised an easy life
He did promise He would never leave or forsake me
He has carried me every time I couldn’t walk
Nothing will separate me from His love
and not only His but Karen
who quietly takes notes Jamiewho researches for me
Friends who send me loving messages and
the person reading this because
you have that tear running down your cheek
~
I have one of the best doctors in The United States
I’m not sure how that happened
but I am thankful for the blessing Endometrial Cancer is slow growing
This time it is in a different spot and in my lymph nodes Dr Westhoff said systemic was the way to go
So, pills are number one
The ones I took last time are a no
They caused blood clots and weight gain
She is excited that I have lost over 100 pounds
But Letrozole causes joint pain
Well pain is just something to tackle
So I have decided I am going to win this time too
~
And I have contacted my rheumatologist and my neurologist
I will see my primary next week
because this fight takes the whole team
I talk to my therapist on the 20th
I think I will be ok until then So here is to my joy!
Because I never understood the phrase
“Fuck Cancer”
I only have enjoyed sex with those I truly love
and trust and want to hold onto
And YOU, my dear, are none of those things
I never thought you were really gone
But I will only truly be happiest when you are out of my life forever!
If my cries for help
can somehow
change from the groaning of my soul
with no words that I know
to joyful worship of You
before You hear me
That is my prayer
~
I know I need
I know I struggle
and so do You
But so do all of my siblings
and we are all connected
to one another
We are part of each other
~
You are not afraid of pain
and sorrow
You have born it all
and You will help us heal
each other
One laugh, one smile,
one kind word at a time
One bottle of water
~
Living Ministries
are a tribute to life Ministry refers to a position of service
or an administrative body
It spans distinctly 3 areas: government, Spirit, and art
This is my heart
~
I am a child of Cowlitz County
It is her that I love
Let us learn her song
and dance together
Let us be Cowlitz County Strong together
~
Living Ministries was begun in November of 2010 mainly out of my broken heart for homeless people who were falling through cracks in services. We had a great run. We worked with many great organizations and helped a lot of people with fundraising and encouragement. And then I got sick and political things happened and life went along as it does. One thing that I did as Living Ministries was to create an Online Resource Database and I have continued to maintain it. I have not done anything else; however, I know Living Ministries is not done. If you would like to get together with me or are interested in joining with me, please fill out our Board Member Application. If you have any questions, please Contact Living Ministries.
Living Ministries (Summer D Clemenson) promises to keep your information confidential. We cannot promise privacy for any information given via email. Please do not send personal information via email.
My most recent PTSD opportunity happened a week after my 12th anniversary. My cousin got married on May 16th. I am very happy for her. She has been through so much and she has persevered. But I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was excited for her and looking for the invitation that didn’t come; eventually I got an online invite to view it online. My feelings were a little hurt, but it did make life easier. Karen didn’t have to take a day off and I could watch it from the comforts of home. When the moment came, there were technical difficulties and the groom’s family was irritated. I have streamed for much larger events and I was trying to sound nonchalant and supportive; also wishing I was there to help.
Later that evening, my uncle uploaded a raw version of the video he shot from his hand-held camera. When I saw the video, I saw Ms. Colvin before I even saw the bride, and Winnie was bringing her down the aisle, along with one of my uncles, to her brother. I understood why I wasn’t invited.
Winnie is my biological father, and he could not come to my wedding, even though I invited him.
As I struggled through a lot of emotions, my experience as a videographer reminded me why family members who are too close should never shoot the video. My uncle is too emotional, and the video is shaky because he was crying and he didn’t have the camera on a tripod. His choice to shoot from the middle of the isle, was questionable because I saw Winnie’s second wife, before I saw the bride. I know I am still taking this personal, but I don’t think he was the best choice as the technical crew for this event. Considering the conversation my cousin and I had about Winnie and Ms. Colvin a few months before the wedding, my shock at not only seeing them at her wedding, but that he gave her away, when our other uncles were available leaves me dumbstruck.
Nobody even warned me. This is the part I have been wrestling with ever since May 12th. Winnie didn’t share my family with me because Ms. Colvin didn’t like me, so I don’t have the memories and emotional ties they have. But the ones I have are why I carry my grandmother’s name and why she has helped make me a strong woman. Ms. Colvin does not deserve my grandmother’s name.
Ms. Colvin is a gossip and a backbiter, and she has hurt everyone in our family. She also knows how to use Winnie’s temper to brutalize anyone that she wants to scare into controlling. She has terrorized her own daughter and her own grandchildren as well. (And yes, I know I am guilty now too)
Father’s Day has always been hard. Winnie didn’t even like it. He knew he wasn’t worthy. He knew his father fell short too. I see the beautiful memories other people share and usually I thank God for Grandpa Bill, Nana’s second husband, my real grandfather, who taught me so many lessons. But this year I had to snooze my cousin because I couldn’t look at her gushing posts about Winnie.
They still tell lies about me. At least Winnie and Ms. Colvin do. They run to new family members and tell lies about me. They have threatened anyone who might want to help me. They know we are stuck, have been stuck. They know I am chronically ill. The day I told Winnie I had cancer, he screamed at me about stuff I didn’t do, years before, because Ms. Colvin makes sure he abuses me, every chance he gets. She sent me a terrible letter a week after my Grandpa Bill died.
Winnie has always abused me emotionally because when he was done being a terrible husband to my mother, he expected me to take care of his ex-wife and his kids and even though I was really a little girl. I was only 9 years old, but he didn’t care. He didn’t stop Ms. Colvin from doing whatever she wanted to do to whoever she wanted to hurt, especially TyAnne. He thinks it’s normal to sacrifice the oldest child. He doesn’t believe in mental illness, even though he shows symptoms of PTSD, at least, and Ms. Colvin seems like the perfect narcissist.
He seemed hurt once when told him I would never live with him, but he doesn’t know that when I lived with Mom, I only wanted to kill myself. If I had lived with him, I don’t think Winnie and Ms. Colvin would have made it because when I was about 5 or 6, before he left us, we were sitting at the dining room table, he told me to never let anyone hit me; and I have not.
I have spent years in therapy because the person I fear most is myself. I know what I think about. I understand evil. I won’t abide by it, but I understand why people do what needs to be done sometimes. I have chosen to learn to forgive which is really hard and has many layers and has to be repeated as many times as necessary, but some pain doesn’t heal. That is why love is so important. I don’t believe Winnie and Ms. Colvin know what love is; what they do is survival.
My therapists have all told me I am strong and kind and not dangerous. But I know I have spent years learning not to feed that part of myself that is like Winnie. I have practiced love and watched Karen G Clemenson and Jamie Holloway carefully because they have a gift for loving that never came naturally to me, but I am getting better at all the time.
I wrote to Winnie several years ago and told him I am no longer his daughter. I want nothing from him. I have heard enough from other family members to wonder why they let him in their homes. I know they are scared of him, but they don’t need to be. I win every fight. All you have to do is look him in the eye, remember the truth, don’t listen to his bullshit, don’t forget who you are, and consider the fact that cowards scream the loudest and eventually he will sit down. Ms. Colvin banks on the fact that most people don’t like confrontation and Winnie looks pretty intimidating, but he doesn’t have the stamina or vocabulary I have. If I can win, so can you. Nobody deserves his shit. It isn’t anyone’s fault they won’t go to therapy.
I don’t lie. If I tell you something it is to the best of what I know now.
Grandma Clemenson is the only person in my entire family, on both sides, that ever blessed my marriage. She sent the only card we ever got from family. I am Mrs. Clemenson because I bear her name.
So, after much thought and prayer, I am done.
I have always wanted my birthright. I am the first-born daughter and granddaughter in a very large family, and I always wanted the relationship and support that I have read about in books. But this family is broken. I have heard positive things said about my grandfather, Allen Clemenson, but even as a child, I could feel that he did not love Winnie. I know there was something wrong about that. He did not come to Winnie’s college graduation. He did not look at him with any pride. He never spoke with love, always barking orders. The only conversation I ever remember having with him was when I confronted him, as a child, because he called black people niggers. And at 8-9 years old, I was not going to listen to that without a fight. I do not have good memories or feelings about this man, and I have seen a vast difference between the older and younger of the 9 siblings. I also know that he held my grandmother back from what she wanted and needed. Grandma Clemenson was an honorable woman.
No one ever protected me from Winnie. They still don’t. God told me to let go of everything that doesn’t serve me. I have things to do, and I live in a chronic body, so I have limits. I have to be mindful of that. There is a specific person in this family who told me I was important to them, but they don’t listen to me. If they had, they would have texted me to let me know about Kelli’s wedding. They would have known that being rejected is a trigger for me. I just needed a text. Something to prepare my heart. But this family doesn’t do that.
So, I am letting them all go. Love is not enough to hold relationships together. God does not expect people to make family more important than safety and communication. Since my cancer might be back, I need all my energy for the people that love me.
So, Karen and Mom and I are the Kelso-Longview Clemensons and are the originals. Jamie is my sister. And so is Sarah (my biological sister). The other ones have gone to the dark side. I have my niece Allie and her family and my adopted brothers Jeff and Josh. If you want to join us, let us know. You don’t have to change your name, or pay a fee or have anything fancy, but you will have to love us, out loud, and listen. Authenticity is key.
I’m sitting here in the night
it is quiet except
for Karen‘s occasional snoring
and the ringing in my left ear
I’m waiting for a new idea
~
I listen to her breathe
She has been my strength
when I couldn’t find mine
because I have been waiting
Hoping that someone would save me
from the pain that doesn’t heal
~
Some pain doesn’t heal
Some because it is chronic mentally or medically
and some because it even cut the soul
So even if it kind of gets better it always festers
~
But I like the quiet
The dreams haven’t come yet
Maybe they will foresee a beautiful future
instead of being a traumatic nightmare
where Karen wakes me up
or worse, my face explodes and I wake myself up
and writhe in the bloodless nerve pain
~
Some pain doesn’t heal
in fact, you know it will be there
Even if it isn’t there now
It will find you
and being brave is not a choice it is a lifestyle
They didn’t protect me as a child
they must have noticed I wasn’t there
when he came to see his mother
They knew his abuse
They knew what broke him
Some even helped make him who he is
They knew he was not safe
and still is not
~
They will not protect me now
No one is coming
I am here with my wife
knowing that his second wife
has consumed any goodness in him
and no one will stop him
They have chosen him over me
Again, I am collateral damage
~
This mental illness that has been passed down
through generations is called PTSD
because violence, porn, and neglect do not raise healthy adults
Every trip from Longview to Yakima
he screamed at me all the hate he had trapped inside
and then from Yakima to Longview he did it again
When I get triggered, it feels brand new
It takes a few days to pack it away again
~
I have cut ties with many people
I must let go of everything that does not serve me
I asked Karenif she is ready
to be the Kelso-Longview Clemensons
tethered to no one
Because no one is coming to save me
She said: Bring it on!
The woman who’s name I bear is dead
~
We get to define it however we like
So, from now on if you say you love me and you don’t prove it
Keep walking
God said He was more important than family
and now I know why
Because I held a human heart in my prayers last night
and I could have cursed it but instead, I handed it to Him
and not everyone will do that
I have been run through with this sword more than once
Many have held it
but your hand hurts pretty bad
Because you keep saying you love me exactly the way I am
~
I respect our differences
I find you fascinating
I love your brain and heart
even if we will never be able to talk about politics
I have never met anyone more intense than me before
~
I think that makes the sword two sided and more deadly
because I feel like I’m bleeding out
and the boundaries only work
if they are honored
and we can’t seem to act in return
~
I am guilty too
but when you tell me how I hurt you
I don’t mince words or shirk ownership
Yet you only apologize for your words and then I seem to pay
because you are not careful enough with me
~
You say you feel shell-shocked
because I overreacted
I own that because I did
but DEI and Pride are not political to me
They are my life
~
I live them so they aren’t just talking points
and when my wife is being attacked in public
and I can’t save her
and my city has had a catastrophe and I am mourning
and you want me to be casual
~
When nothing about me is accidental
maybe unedited or anxiety ridden at times
but that is my disorder
DEI includes Women, Disabled, Immigrants, and Queer It’s not just Black and White
~
When my body is striking a war against me
and I can’t speak
or eat or drink or sleep
I guess I need some empathy
and not a dispute
~
Even though you are suffering too
and we both know the meaning of bombardment
I can’t be what you need anymore
Because while you are struggling to breathe
I am fighting to exist
~
I have to let go now
Love wasn’t the issue
How we define it is different
I don’t choose to fight with you anymore
I need my energy for me
My friend sent an article today
about people I’m related to
And I don’t see it her way anymore
Because I can’t
Because even though our skin looks the same
I got some skin in the game
and I know things I didn’t know before
things I can’t label but I definitely believe
~
I might have overreacted
The article was written by a Black man
She doesn’t understand why that doesn’t apply
Since everyone is an individual
If you can pay your way out
or you are smart enough
You might be able to get better faster
But it is not her job to make me comply
~
I educated her again
But she would not look at my pain
Would not acknowledge she brought it up
Just a week after a local catastrophe
I’m still trying to catch my breath
In fact we’ve had a few lately
I get she has her own trauma
I don’t understand the self sabotage
~
I have been here before with her
this plateau before goodbye
Where you consider whether
to jump or not
Because I won’t be abused
I had hoped her mind
would catch up to her big heart
Maybe it will before I take off
In the dark is where the secrets sing their truths
Where intentions are authentic
Whether awake or in dreams
these revelations
if you can remember them
and stay focused
to represent them
You have the ability to change the frequency
To move the energy that keeps the record playing
While we dance together in this world
~
And who am I
to share with you what isn’t mine
Yet what you most deserve
But what we share
but can never carry or change
Such a beautiful sage and glorious ritual
has been established
by tradition and folly
And we may anoint with oil
and pray over it but never own
~
And I hold before you
an enchanted mirror
to show you what you have refused to see
And in your rage
you strike and shatter
the truth of ages and bring a curse of vanity
and hate and violence and shame
Because you will not repent
You have chosen
not to be redeemed
~
So we stand in front of
this cauldron
with fresh rosemary, lavender and mint
And we sing
the song of our ancestors
because it is natural
And we don’t know anything else to do
And we stir in the black pepper and basil
We work the craft of our people
knowing we want the inflammation to subside
I had an appointment today to see my hematologist. I had already rescheduled it once so even though everything hurt this morning and I still randomly cry, we went. I am a little frustrated with the fact that my body has plateaued at 95 lbs lost and won’t budge so it was also an excuse to make myself walk more.
I will be on Eliquis for the rest of my life because of complications from cancer. But Dr Dong said she was happy to see me looking better. It’s been a year. I have lost about 50 lbs since she saw me and also I had just had a heavy dose of radiation after fighting cancer for 3 years. My body, which rebels at any chance she gets and does not care what normal bodies do, completely freaked out and both my lungs had tons of blood clots in them, which was way worse than the first time and required surgery. So I can see how she would notice a huge difference in me today.
I was happy because I fit in a chair in the lobby that I didn’t fit in at the beginning of my cancer journey. I know this because Dr Dong and Dr Westhoff are in the same clinic at Legacy Salmon Creek. But also my dosage of Eliquis is now at maintenance level so that is a step in the right direction. June 18 is the anniversary of my one radiation treatment. I was supposed to have more but so many things happened and I said no more and then Dr Westhoff decided to order a PET scan and found that my cancer was gone.
Dr Dong asked if I was going to have surgery. I needed to lose weight to have the hysterectomy, but I now need to lose fat to be well. During stays in the hospital, where they do the tests that they do to see what they need to see, I found out I have fat on my heart and liver and so now that I have figured out how to lose it, I need to keep losing fat to be healthy and help my organs heal. I have decided I won’t have a hysterectomy unless cancer returns.
I will be telling Dr Westhoff at my appointment in a few weeks. If I have a hysterectomy, it could take a year for me to recover and, especially with where I carry my weight, this could be very hard on me and stop me from losing weight. So for now, I will keep doing what I am doing to be well and move as much as I can in a body that never stops hurting. I will deal with cancer if it comes around again.
Look for pretty things
But lately I have learned that my Spirit is powerful and connected in ways I never imagined and even though I have known for a long time that I absorb the emotions of others and I can generate change, I didn’t realize that the feeling of belonging I never felt, and always wanted, was blocked for some reason, because I do belong here and I love Cowlitz County. I love Kelso-Longview. And yes I see these two cities as one, but I don’t think that takes away from their individual experiences, because sisters can still hold hands and love each other but still be individuals, who abide together to share resources and a future.
Because today was the first time I left Cowlitz County since the disaster at Nippon, I was discombobulated. My twitching was pronounced, but maybe only to me. Karen G Clemenson keeps telling me things that I can’t remember much beyond what I need right now. I started to feel more normal when we stopped by to see Jamie Holloway after my doctor appointment, but she is home too. Although I distinctly missed home several times while we were away.
We didn’t take our normal exit when we came home because we wanted to get coffee at the Kelso Red Leaf Organic Coffee Co. so we could support the fundraising effort today. As soon as we hit Kelso my arms started hurting and it continued up and over my body. It was my skin. It burned slightly and was heavy. At first I sat with it, wondering if it would go away; maybe my body was having a moment. But it didn’t stop. As we got closer to where we were going, I started giving Karen directions because the traffic revisions, in that area, still throw her off. Finally I asked her if she felt it too and she said yes.
I have been home, in Longview, and even taken a nap. It still hurts. We still hurt. We are hurting. And, as someone who is chronic and has faced death and had to come back from it a few times, its gonna hurt for a while because healing takes time.
I love you. Be blessed.
~
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Holy, Holy, Holy Is The Lord God Almighty and I am one of His but there are people running around screaming Trump Derangement Syndrome And the odd thing is I am sure they have it and they scream DTS to throw off their scent while they don’t realize that we are not in Washington DC
~
I love them but what they are doing Never feels, looks, or sounds like love to me Lord Jesus I need an ice pop because hell fire is right here It’s all in the bible but it is the opposite of what You said to do The fines cost less than compliance and no one made them comply The mess is so dangerous to clean up and some of them they will never find
~
My hometown is suffering catastrophic consequences due to ignored due diligence Because economics sometimes outweighs the needs of people Because even though some try to sell us the lie That religion is our foundation Back room deals and doctored balance sheets are the real leader of the US of A
~
Thank You to my Creator for the people who are working together The Kelso-Longview community who will support each other When the president has said nothing The GoFundMes the fundraisers and the soft words mean the world to me Because we are Cowlitz Strong We don’t even realize the shoulders we are standing on and the tears I cried today were not just my own
This Store has been set up as a fundraiser store to help raise money for the Families affect by the tragic events at the Nippon Mill in Longview. With tragic events such as this, we have to come together as a community and do what we can to help. We would like to donate a portion of our proceeds(10$ per shirt/15$ per hoodies) to the Lower Columbia Longshoremen’s credit union donation account for the families affected. We will make and ship orders in batches, roughly every 2 weeks. Thank you so much for your support!
If you are curious about us and how we make your gear, check out http://TGArtCo.com.
PLEASE NOTE, CREDIT CARDS WILL SHOW TEAM UNIFORM ORDERING (TUO) ON YOUR STATEMENT. PLEASE DO NOT DISPUTE THE CHARGE OR YOU WILL BE ASSESSED A $15 FEE THAT THE CREDIT CARD PROCESSOR CHARGES. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING THIS, PLEASE CONTACT US DIRECTLY BEFORE ORDERING
Sometimes we moan
whether in our body or Spirit
when words aren’t enough “The Spirit intercedes with groanings too deep for words and God who searches hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to His will”
~
We are His creation and He is mine
Though I wasn’t born here
I am a daughter of Kelso-Longview
I have not slept for longer than and hour or two
since Monday May 25th of 2026
Nothing would shut down this Washingtonian body
wired and rebooted in Cowlitz County I know this pain I feel is not just mine
~
The sounds and sirens and wailing
whether imagined or real
was louder than the ringing in my ears
or the music on my iPhone
So as the electric pulses shot through my face
as I Googled electromagnetic force field
because even though science is a topic
I never excelled at, words intrigue me
and this phrase flashed in my mind
~
This group of words explains why opposites attract
and why being neutral goes nowhere
I think that is why I hate ignorance
and stagnance
and I love questions
This town was built by people with rough hands
but people without calluses run it
I love the color green because I love trees
not because I love money
~
But financing is necessary to keep
currency flowing in all fields
However love is free when we want it to be
and right now 2 people are confirmed dead
and 9 humans are missing and 8 injured
and I can’t look at the picture of the implosion
that happened at Nippon yesterday without feeling sick
I love you
Be blessed
There is a monster in my closet
I didn’t put her there
But I remember a life
before it wasn’t
and then it was
because my father put it there
~
I remember always being happy
when I had rainbows on my curtains
When I dreamed of being a singer
When I helped him build our shed
But then he got a job at the gas station
right next door to The Woodshed it was different
~
And the yelling probably slowed down
because he didn’t come home as much
I remember going there
and waiting in the car
I remember lots of crying
and the phone being hung up
~
I remember being afraid
and the lawn mower being stolen
even though we had grass
and he didn’t
I remember meeting the monster
and thinking: she looks like a witch
~
The scandal was great
and we paid dear
He even had to move because
the guys he worked with didn’t want him near
The monster and I hated each other
and she always won
~
Eventually I left
partially because he told me
“If you are the only one with a problem
then you are the problem.”
I remind myself of that
to avoid wrongful retribution from a narcissist or two
~
I keep cleaning out my closet
but I ran into her the other day
I worry about him because
he seems smaller in some ways
But I can’t be concerned about him
because he made his choice and it wasn’t me
~
Men’s loud voices still make me jump
and sometimes cry
But her voice
The monster’s voice makes all
the hair on my body stand up
and I get very quiet inside
~
I have fought with him and I always win
Because he is a coward
What kind of man leaves a wife and children
for a demon who will help him conquer
everything in their path?
~
I am a warrior because I have learned
To wage my battles
My scars are many
And she is not worth the fight
I have been made small since I was about 4
My gestures
My words
My thoughts and feelings were often too big
not to mention this big body of mine
that doesn’t fit in all chairs
and doesn’t do what I want
I have been thanked for giving you space to be you
and then been criticized for being me
It doesn’t feel like love if I can’t breathe
~
When I was the only one
I was worshipped
But when I was no longer singular
I became a target and
eventually I was too much
Only fit to serve
and often alone
But I am capable of doing great things
And there are people worthy of trusting
I will wait for them to find me
~
The team I have chosen is only 3
but they got me through 13 diagnoses and cancer
They ask me when they don’t know
They let me choose I can be my full self I don’t play games that don’t sit on a shelf
I don’t have to take pictures to prove I love them
because they are with me always
Even if it is just us
~
So I am done being made small
If you don’t want me
If you tell me one thing in September
and then show me another in May
I will walk away
Because my chosen family is
unpretentious but enough for me
And I would rather have honesty
then be part of an emotional shit show
or whatever you think I want
~
I have always hated Reality TV shows
because I live authentically
I think we all have an innate need to be known. I am Summer. My name is sometimes easy for people to remember and all my life, I have heard people say, “Oh, that is Summer,” but I had no idea who they were most of the time. I have always been a behind the scenes person. That is where the people who are great at getting things done but not so great with people go; that is also where they put the fat people.
I am a great person for finishing jobs. I hate lists but I can get them done, not in order but I can accomplish things, in my own time and probably 10 other tasks you didn’t ask for, and maybe, not how you intended them, and most likely you would have preferred that I followed the itemized list, and even though I brought value to your life, you didn’t know you needed, you still need me to finish #2, #6 and #9 and you are wondering why the books had to be alphabetized because you had them in an order, that made sense to you, before I touched them. But don’t worry about that because I will make sure to always bring you the book you need, when you ask, because, remember that is now my job and your way was too hard for me to remember.
If you hand me a manual, I will read it. I will follow all the rules to a T, unless they are about clothing and then I might question to see if there is leeway for my Birkenstocks, piercings and whatever else I want to wear because I prefer modesty, and I don’t like to wear what people tell me to wear, and I have plantar fasciitis.
I am a sensory person. I didn’t know that until a few years ago. It would have helped to know that when I was younger, but here we are. I live with several chronic conditions that cause constant pain. I have had to learn to read a room and myself because sometimes my brain lies to me, but I am a great reader and a fairly good actor so you might never know that I am suffering, unless it is so great that I can’t cover it, in which case, I will either stay home or go there.
I have danced with politics several ways. I have hated politics, but learned that it touches everything so I need to be aware and communicate with my representatives about what I want, or why vote? I have been a republican, democrat, independent and currently I am disenfranchised. However, I believe there are good humans in all people groups and if we find the right ones, I can support those people.
After years of reading and learning about different people, I see that the freedom to marry, which Karen G Clemenson and I did vote for, even before we realized we were voting for our own civil rights, had been hard fought by many before us. People all over the world have been persecuted, criminalized and even killed because they loved someone that went against what other people decided was wrong. They even rewrote the bible to make it a sin in 1947. So even though I have always loved rainbows because they are a promise from God to never destroy the earth, they also are a promise that God loves all of us and the colors signifying: Life, Healing, Sunlight, Nature, Serenity, and Spirit. So Pride Month is important to some of us, whether all of us like it or need it, and I can think that is great.
I have always had an ability to interact with children. Adults and peers have always been hard for me to trust and relate to. I started caring for other people’s children when I was 10. I often had other people’s children with me until I was at least 25, and my nephew, Casey, was born. Then I often had my nephews and nieces with me. Around that time I was trying to learn to interreact with the people around me. I met Karen in 2003 and she was so natural with everyone. I wanted to be like that. Between therapists, books and lots of time with Karen and Jamie Holloway, I have put a lot of time into learning how to listen and respond to people in a more gentle manner.
I started writing, I think as soon as I could put words on paper. I remember writing stories and drawing pictures to go with them even before I could really read. I was a very smart child. My parents saw that and I tested beyond kindergarten so I skipped it and went to 1st grade early. I don’t think that was a good idea. I think there are things I was supposed to learn in kindergarten that I missed. I have often felt like I didn’t fit with people my own age. When Casey was super smart, and my sister was talking about having him skip a grade, I asked her not to. He was a little awkward like me too. I told her I thought there were social things that I missed and I didn’t want him to miss those things. I am thankful that she considered my words.
I have a lot more confidence in my writing than I do my speaking ability. But I don’t just want to be Jamie’s friend or Casey’s auntie or Joanne’s daughter or Karen’s wife. So maybe since I have noticed that people don’t like to read as much as they do listen, I should learn to speak as well as I write.
If you notice, my mouth is small, that is on purpose. I have nerve pain in my face. There might be times that I can’t speak at all. I tend to try to keep the movements in my face small so that I don’t aggravate the muscles in my face.
I was always an active as a child. I rode my bike everywhere and danced every day. I was not wired for sports at all, but I could outdance all my friends. Yet I was always fat. Not as big as I am now. I wish I had known that when I was growing up. I wish that it hadn’t been an issue. Because that is why I would not go to the doctor unless I thought I was dying. I didn’t want to be told I was fat. Duh! If I could change that I would have. I didn’t figure out what I needed to do to lose weight until I had been chronic for 10 years, working to be as well as possible, got cancer, nearly died twice from blood clots, caused by Megestrol. After lots of learning to set boundaries, making myself important, making good habits, and even telling my doctor no, I was losing weight. I have lost 95 lbs so far.
Do I have a reason for this message other than to be known? Maybe but just like, the fact that I didn’t learn my middle name until I was in 4th grade because Summer Clemenson took a long time to learn, Summer Deanne Clemenson was even more of a mouthful, being known takes time.
I have been a receptionist, a Vacation Bible School teacher, a preschool teacher, a nanny, a janitor, a manager of a retail store, a website designer, and Executive Director of a nonprofit. I am a Creative Director of an LLC, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an auntie, a friend, a reader, a writer, a cook…and I am not dead yet, so there will be more to come. How do you really know someone if you have never at least sat with them and had a cup of coffee with them? Are you up for it? Let me know.
I love you. Be blessed.
~
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I wasn’t going to write today. Today was supposed to be a visit with Jamie Holloway because she is in the hospital. However, Karen G Clemenson was needed somewhere else so, I am at home. And that is ok because Friday night I went to the All Ages Rainbow Prom and that was only one day after I had hyaluronic acid injections in both my knees and I did dance and I did have a great time. But now I need to rest. So we will go see Jamie tomorrow. But I woke up to some videos my mom sent. She sends me all kinds of interesting things but today she shared some stories about people who regretted their transitioning. They felt as though they were pushed into transitioning.
After having such a lovely time at the prom with My Love, where I wished we could do this all the time, I know why we can’t. We are all at our own level of healing. As creative as the Queer Community is, it can be unsafe to be out together. Someone has to be vigilant. Someone has to plan for our safety, not only from the parts of the community that want to hurt us, but from the parts of our bodies that are hurting. I have never been to a party where there was a quiet room. It was amazing to see a person, who was starting to get a migraine and be able to let them know where they could go to have some respite, so they might be able to rejoin us later. And I did see them with their person later. It made my heart so happy! There was only one door that was allowed to be used and there was someone in front of it always and safety people around the building, so we were safe. We could breathe and be safe. Because some of the people in our community are less accepted than others, less healed than others, and more vulnerable than others.
After watching the videos that Mom sent I decided to respond to her, because I have never communicated with her my beliefs and feelings, which are my own.
I think this proves that for many of us, gender is fluid. I am so thankful that Jesus came to meet me when I was 5. He knew I was going to struggle a lot and I was not going trust people and especially doctors for most of my life. So thank you for singing and talking about Him so that I knew He was real and not just another thing I imagined, because I hated my body, I did question my gender, I was so confused with my body at puberty and I thought I was broken because when you are demisexual and you are are not sexually attracted to people until you are emotionally, spiritually and mentally safe or attuned with them (I knew both people I have been with 10 years before I felt safe enough to consider more), you don’t feel like your friends. My friends were always sexualizing other people and I didn’t. I thought I was broken. I was confused because I didn’t even know what queer people were until I was well into my 20’s because I had been so sheltered and even stuck in my own head. I didn’t even have the capacity to imagine bisexual and when I did, I didn’t even think it would mean I would still only want my person because the world made it dirty, and didn’t let it just be honest. But I don’t have the ability to commit to more than one person or even be casual so even being my friend is truly a compliment, because I treat most people like they are at different levels of acquaintance.
That is why I don’t question people who are working on their gender story because it is theirs. They need to figure it out. I will call them what they want. I will listen and let them know I might forget, and that is not because I don’t care about them, it is because I just forget things and I don’t want them to feel bad if I ask them again, later. I don’t question anything they choose to do to feel safe or happy in their body, because I have been miserable in my own. And if they change course, I will roll with them when they do that too. But they might have to remind me of some of that too.
The transgender people I know who have gone through transition, whether through medication or surgery, were adults before they ever started. They were capable of making decisions about their bodies. They were at least 20 something or even 30 something. I do not believe in doing anything beyond counseling for children. And when I say counseling, I am also talking about family counseling because the unit needs help to meet the needs of a child who is potentially wanting to end themselves. It would have to be proven to me after living with a child who has been in serious counseling, seen by all the doctors, evaluated by teachers and maybe even talking to their friends, that I might consider discussing with Karen, that we might need to consider a hormone protocol to avoid suicide, because a dead child cannot heal from anything. But during all of it, my child would be told they were loved. I would not care about clothes, hair, makeup, their name, whatever hobby, sports or anything healthy and safe and encouraging they needed to live and grow.
I think a lot of young people have been guinea pigs for hormone therapy. Something like how psychiatrists over medicated people in the 90’s. Unfortunately they had to learn on somebody.
I may not understand everything or everybody, but I do understand hating myself and being judged and condemned. I try hard to understand but I am still trying to learn myself and I have a lot going on inside my body. And something new is often popping up. That doesn’t mean I don’t love people, it just means that my capacity to handle their newness, is often muffled by the ringing in my ears, the shooting pain in my face, the aches or explosions I feel all over, the general ickiness I live with, the emotions that might be mine, or everyone else’s because I am an empath or any other thing I am constantly juggling. I am always telling myself to shut up and listen and it is sometimes really hard, but I always try. I am a high frequency person and I know I affect others and I am trying to learn how to be in a room and stay gentle.
My regular speaking voice is soft, but if I get angry, which I try super hard, all the time to remain calm, however, if I have had enough, my stand up for myself voice can be heard and felt 2 blocks away and it often takes a few weeks to show people that we are all ok. And I know it sucks because most people are at least a little bit selfish and they might not know it, but they are, and my capacity to forgive is very generous, until I need to tell you, and usually I wait too long, and when you interrupt me, it pisses me off because it is rude. Because we both have the right to be heard.
My opinion is mine; it does not mean I hate you. It also doesn’t mean I am not willing to change it, but if you attack me, I wont be able to hear you because I have been abused too. There are different ways to be transitioned and it isn’t always about gender. Sometimes it is about being heard and learning to love yourself, when no one knew how to do it before. We should all try to be more gentle with each other, but I think we all are trauma victims and we all need more love than we realize.
I love you. Be blessed.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Whatever you want
Whatever you need
Anything you want done, baby
I’ll do it naturally ‘Cause I’m every woman (Every woman)
It’s all in me
It’s all in me
I have always loved Whitney Houston. I have belted out Great Love of All and Jesus Loves Me, in her style more times than I can count. Even the way I sing The Star Spangled Banner is inspired by her. When I was a teenager I would dance to I Wanna Dance with Somebody until my legs would give out. When I would play Barbies, I wore out two Whitney dolls and Whitney and Ken were always the Houstons and no one was allowed to play with those dolls but me.
I watched the movie Whitney the other day. In it I saw a wonderfully talented woman. But all she really wanted was to be a wife and mother. Yet, she was more wanted than her husband. And to be that talented and to be that successful, she could only do it with a cocaine habit and the unfaltering support of him. So his talent was set aside. Her desires were forgotten. She died young. So did their only daughter.
In a scene where Bobby Brown‘s best friend was murdered, he calls Whitney, who has just walked off stage to get a sip of a beverage. They hand her the phone and he tells her what has happened. She listens. She tells him she will handle everything. Then she pulls her shoulders back and goes back on stage.
I never lived at that height of success but I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be everything to everyone but yourself. I know what it feels like to be in high school and have 3 part time jobs, be the family chauffer, help pay the household bills, not just drop them off, but actually pay some of them. Before I had a driver’s license, I would go grocery shopping on my bicycle. I know what it is like to make clothes for myself and people in my house. I know what it is like to not go to school because a sibling is sick. Or not go to work because someone is sick that I didn’t give birth to.
When one sibling got a chronic illness we did a fundraiser walk as a family. When I got 13 of them. Nothing.
When all my siblings got married, one twice, and one to a person of the same gender, they got the wedding and the gifts. Me nothing.
I am not angry. I was hurt. But I am a strong woman. And I know what love is. I did everything I did because I know what love is.
Anything you want done, baby
I’ll do it naturally
I’m every woman
It’s all in me
I can read your thoughts right now
Everyone, from A to Z
Whoa, whoa, whoa
At some point. An exact point, actually, I knew I had to choose me. Cancer makes things really clear. The only person, besides Jesus, that actually chose me was Karen G Clemenson. I was always told that people loved me in their own way and I had learned that most people’s way left me without what I needed: to be seen and heard and respected. But Karen, she got me. Well, so did Jamie Holloway, but true heart sisters are a gift from God and she is the greatest!
I am not a magician. The rest of Whitney’s song is kind of mystical for me but it is fun to dance to. But I know the rest of Whitney’s story and I can’t go out like that. I have things to do. God made me to not fit in and to tell the truth. I am made to stand up and share things as I learn them because I am a leader; a profit. It’s not an easy job. I get tired easily and I have to watch who I give my energy to.
I was neither given, nor did I choose an easy life. But I have love and I have honor. I wish the same for you.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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