I’m Every Woman

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 14, 2026 | About Summer, Art, Cancer, Opinions

I have always loved Whitney Houston. I have belted out Great Love of All and Jesus Loves Me, in her style more times than I can count. Even the way I sing The Star Spangled Banner is inspired by her. When I was a teenager I would dance to I Wanna Dance with Somebody until my legs would give out. When I would play Barbies, I wore out two Whitney dolls and Whitney and Ken were always the Houstons and no one was allowed to play with those dolls but me.

I watched the movie Whitney the other day. In it I saw a wonderfully talented woman. But all she really wanted was to be a wife and mother. Yet, she was more wanted than her husband. And to be that talented and to be that successful, she could only do it with a cocaine habit and the unfaltering support of him. So his talent was set aside. Her desires were forgotten. She died young. So did their only daughter.

In a scene where Bobby Brown‘s best friend was murdered, he calls Whitney, who has just walked off stage to get a sip of a beverage. They hand her the phone and he tells her what has happened. She listens. She tells him she will handle everything. Then she pulls her shoulders back and goes back on stage.

I never lived at that height of success but I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be everything to everyone but yourself. I know what it feels like to be in high school and have 3 part time jobs, be the family chauffer, help pay the household bills, not just drop them off, but actually pay some of them. Before I had a driver’s license, I would go grocery shopping on my bicycle. I know what it is like to make clothes for myself and people in my house. I know what it is like to not go to school because a sibling is sick. Or not go to work because someone is sick that I didn’t give birth to.

When one sibling got a chronic illness we did a fundraiser walk as a family. When I got 13 of them. Nothing.

When all my siblings got married, one twice, and one to a person of the same gender, they got the wedding and the gifts. Me nothing.

I am not angry. I was hurt. But I am a strong woman. And I know what love is. I did everything I did because I know what love is.

At some point. An exact point, actually, I knew I had to choose me. Cancer makes things really clear. The only person, besides Jesus, that actually chose me was Karen G Clemenson. I was always told that people loved me in their own way and I had learned that most people’s way left me without what I needed: to be seen and heard and respected. But Karen, she got me. Well, so did Jamie Holloway, but true heart sisters are a gift from God and she is the greatest!

I am not a magician. The rest of Whitney’s song is kind of mystical for me but it is fun to dance to. But I know the rest of Whitney’s story and I can’t go out like that. I have things to do. God made me to not fit in and to tell the truth. I am made to stand up and share things as I learn them because I am a leader; a profit. It’s not an easy job. I get tired easily and I have to watch who I give my energy to.

I was neither given, nor did I choose an easy life. But I have love and I have honor. I wish the same for you.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

A Reconstructed Easter

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 4, 2026 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have been undergoing what many believers are calling deconstruction since I was 25 years old. It happened by accident but it became on purpose pretty quickly. My car broke down and no one contacted me until it was my turn to dress the communion table — 6 months later. But I have been under a huge transformation before that. Since then I have also undergone many huge changes in my life and this year I am considering the joy of what I am going to call a reconstructed Easter.

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church. I had already met Jesus when I was 5. He came to me when I was playing by myself under the apple trees in my backyard and He was always with me after then. My mom took me to the paster at our church and we talked. Then I was enrolled in a class to make sure I understood what I was talking about. There was a workbook and everything. When I was 7 years old, I was baptized in front of everyone at the church. I remember fighting with my father because I wanted him to come. He was raised Catholic and he said he was not allowed to go to other churches. I think he came. But I remember every moment of being baptized. I was so nervous. But Pastor Cotton was slow speaking and methodical and that helped. He had told me what we would do beforehand and I was so excited. When I came back to the church sanctuary with wet hair, everyone was so happy for me. I had invited all my friends, but I don’t think they came; however I kept telling them about being baptized at school on the playground at Columbia Valley Gardens Elementary School.

I loved church. I loved to read my bible. I didn’t understand all of it, but I would read it. I loved to sing and was excited to be part of the children’s choir. I think I sang my first solo when I was 9. I am pretty sure my father didn’t come that time, because he had left by then. As I grew up in the church, I was pulled out of youth group when they needed help in the nursery. I tried to be part of the adult choir but I didn’t have time. I had already been hired by the church to work in the nursery by 15, and I was a nanny for a local family and I babysat when I could fit it in for other families in the church. I also was the oldest in my house and my mom needed help with my younger siblings. But I sang solos.

When I graduated high school, I didn’t need to look for a job because First Baptist Church of Longview also had a daycare and they needed a preschool teacher. I was hired before I graduated high school. I had taken Early Childhood Development classes in high school, volunteered at a local private grade school and was planning on continuing my education at Lower Columbia College, so this would work into my plans. During the summertime I would teach Vacation Bible School. On Wednesday nights my friends and I taught the school age kids bible classes.

My life was devoted to my family and my church. I had never had time to be a teenager. I had never considered rebellion. I had always done what I was told. But I was also an emotional neglect and abuse survivor. I had some chronic health issues that we didn’t know about. I didn’t know how to take care of me. I had always put everyone else first.

Then the church daycare closed and I had to find another job. I had not been able to pass one of my classes at college and it put my grant on hold. I could not afford to pay for a quarter of school on my own, so I could fix my problem at the college, so I just worked. I got hired on at another daycare and got a night job, hoping I could afford to go back to school. It didn’t work out that way. I got distracted and started to rebel a little. I was 20 years old. I dyed my hair pink.

The church stopped asking me to sing. It was 1996.

They still needed someone to take care of their kids though, so I didn’t lose my job, but no one took me under their wing. I can’t say I didn’t experiment with a little cannabis but it wasn’t much; nothing to worry about. I have always been a practical person. They were losing me. My Sunday School teacher did take me to lunch once, but no one else.

One day, after walking with Jesus for 15 years, I heard the voice of God. I was sitting in one of the back pews, my new spot, since no one talked to me anymore, short of the fake church hugs after service. And I verbally heard a voice in my right ear. I had never heard it before, but I hear it regularly now. The voice said, “It is time to leave now. They can’t teach you any more.” I was shocked! No one was sitting behind me. But my heart felt so warm and I knew it was God.

I stopped going to church for a bit after that. I had visited a few churches before that, but they were all too out there for a girl that had been indoctrinated into such a conservative belief system. I had taken up smoking cigarettes. It was the most rebellious thing I could do. My mom and Nana were viciously against smoking but Winnie and Ms. Colvin were chain smokers and most of my closest friends, at the time, were smokers. I have always been naturally rebellious about fads, I sometimes am shocked that this one caught me. So one Sunday, while I was laying on a past friend’s bed smoking, she didn’t know what to do with me. I had drug her to church so many times. She finally said I could not spend all day smoking on her bed. We had to go to church. I told her that was fine. I refused to drive and we would not go to First Baptist. She lived on Commerce, so we walked down to a church that is now New Life, but it is was a different church back then, I don’t remember the name. I was amazed. They were closed. So we walked back to her apartment. But on the way we heard this awesome music. It was rock n roll, but it was talking about Jesus. I stuck my head in the door and I saw a couple with mohawks and dog collars on. There were people dancing, like real dancing. There was a full band with drums. And no one looked at me with my, now purple hair like it was anything other than beautiful. So we walked in.

I was getting ready to flee because there were people shaking; although it did amaze me that there were people nearby, ready to catch them. The people singing in tongues scared me, but there seemed to be people that sang out something in English that seemed to make me feel better and connected. There were people like me that were quiet and contemplative. There were people with banners, dancers, people reading their bibles. Everyone was doing their own thing. As I was about to climb out of my skin, because I have never experienced this much freedom, Pastor Jeff got up and said something like: I am so thankful that we are all free to move as the Spirit leads us.

Something about his words made me decide to stay and learn about this freedom that I knew nothing about. I had always known about programmed everything. Evangel Christian Fellowship, at the time, was sharing the building with Father’s House on Commerce Avenue. The building was raw and we sat on fold up chairs. I love it. I had come from red carpet and wooden pews. Most of the time I would show up early, walk around the building praying about whatever came to my heart and then I would sit on the floor to the left of the building and the stage during the teaching time and I would greet people and pray and eventually I became a dancer. After the teaching time, I would move my things near a friend, throw off my Birkenstocks and let my body move as the Spirit led me. Occasionally I would pick up a banner, but the Spirit led me through movements that made my arms like banners most of the time. I could dance for hours sometimes.

I went to every class and service I could get to at both churches and even some at Evangel’s parent church, Shekinah. I was learning valuable things. And sometimes I could hear nothing. I had learned that God hedges us in sometimes and sometimes He would not let me hear what people were saying when it was not something He didn’t want me to know because it wasn’t true. I experience this in conversations where people are lying in any situation that God doesn’t want me to have to heal from something new. I am glad that I have not had to deal with some of the issues that some Christians going through deconstruction have had to heal from. Sometimes I even hear the truth, while I see people’s lips move to their lies. It always amazes me.

As I became more involved at Evangel, I did not get involved with the children’s ministry on purpose. I was never asked to be part of the music ministry, well once I was, but it wasn’t for Evangel, but for a specific pastor that moved a lot and I was on my way out and I knew I could not be what this pastor needed so I declined. I did get involved in my generation’s bible studies and we had a great time. I also gave rides to people that didn’t have transportation and I set the communion table at my scheduled time. And then my car broke down. I contacted the people I drove and they found other means to get to church, but no one contacted me.

At the same time I suddenly realized that I had walked with Jesus for 20 years and I felt like a toddler and not a 20 year old. So I challenged God to grow me up. I set it at His feet. I said I will talk to You when You talk to me. I am not going to read my bible unless You encourage me. I want You to prove Yourself to me. I don’t really have any moments where I can prove to anyone that He did these things, but I have moments where I knew I was not alone and He was showing me that He loved me and He was proving it. There were moments that I was stronger. There were moments that only He could have done what He did. When Evangel called to remind me that it was my turn to set the communion table, I told them I had been gone for 6 months and no one had called me. They needed to find someone else to set the table.

2 years later I came back. I had changed; not only had I quit smoking but I knew myself and God much better. They had changed too. They were programmed. The freedom was gone. Somewhere in my sabbatical, I had focused on one scripture and prayed through many thing to cleanse a lot of burdens through it and I was different. And eventually I had added the verse after it and it made it even more powerful.

The Baptist church I was raised in had taught me that every answer was correctly answered by Jesus on the cross, but they still lived by programs. Now Evangel was doing the same thing and when I corrected my pastor during a sermon, he did not appreciate it. I had gotten so used to stopping during my bible study time, to ask God to show me where I didn’t understand, why this verse conflicted with this one, that I had forgotten that humans are not God. They don’t see inside my heart and know that I am just curious and want the truth, I am not meaning to make them look bad.

I have visited First Baptist again too. And been amazed that 10 years had passed and even though they got a new building, they were preaching the same sermon.

I don’t believe in organized religion anymore. I think it can’t foster real growth because it must keep the people in the building so it can pay the bills. But the people are needed outside the building. And society and politics have castrated the church. Yes. I said that. Because the last church I went to, I was greeted at the door, not by a human but by a row of computers ready for me to give my money online. And during the message I could not hear most of what the guest speaker was saying.

At the last funeral I went to, I got to hear why men are superior and I am going to hell because I love my wife. It was a funeral. Why was that important? Bob knew both, my wife and me; he loved us both.

Today I had a conversation with my mom about Easter. This will be the first Easter that Karen G Clemenson and I spend with anyone on the actual day. Karen usually works and we tend to do something on a later day with Jamie Holloway. Mom is very excited. In an earlier conversation I had told her that Karen had said that she doesn’t think about Easter. I understood this. We don’t go to church and we don’t have children around and we don’t have people that invite us over to celebrate with them. When you don’t have community or children, you have to make your own celebration and tradition. I never talk about it but I usually make a quiche on Easter because Nana always made quiche. I make quiche regularly because we like it, but Karen didn’t know we eat quiche on Easter because it was something Nana did and I quietly remember Nana on Easter. I had told that to Mom and now she is preparing for us to make quiche tomorrow and a salad much like Waldorf salad, which Nana also loved.

This year, I have enjoyed several holidays more for the first time in years. Part of my mental and emotional healing was to separate myself from family. I had to do this so that I could focus on me. Learn how to take care of myself and listen to myself and just heal. I was telling a friend, that is having trouble with their family, that I would be glad to listen if they need an ear. I understand having to separate from family. I understand that sometimes certain people are not going to change and you have to stay away from them because they are dangerous, but sometimes you get to reconnect with the ones that are safe. I am enjoying having Mom and Sarah back.

I was talking to Mom about Winnie and Ms. Colvin (Winnie’s 2nd wife) and my other siblings. They are not safe. They don’t think they are wrong. Specifically Ms. Colvin and Shannon are very much alike and I can’t be around them. The rest of them are beholden to the two. I think of money and things as tools. They are a means to an end. I value being heard, respected and loved. All I have ever really wanted was to be able to have good conversations with my father. But that is not allowed. When I am with these people I feel like shit and it has a lasting effect on my psyche and overall well-being for sometimes weeks afterwards. I can’t afford that. She has been worried about me financially. I appreciate my mother’s worry. But God always takes care of me. Ms. Colvin and Shannon need money and things. They can have everything. I choose me.

I told Mom that TyAnne said that her mother, Ms. Colvin, used to whisper things to me. I don’t remember. I have disassociated many things about my childhood. Mom suggested that maybe Ms.Colvin is the one that told me the things that I thought Mom had said to me. I can’t argue. I do know that I have confused their voices in my head on several issues regarding the Clemenson family, why not my own mother. Ms. Colvin has always hated me and Mom. Mom wanted to know why I think she hates me. I told her because Ms. Colvin can’t control me. I am not easily bought. Yes. I have needed money at times, but I have always paid it back. I don’t care about things and money. What I want, she can’t give. She doesn’t have it to give.

After that, we decided to go back to our talk about our Easter celebration. Mom has this friend that she is so excited to have coming tomorrow. Her name is Margaret and she is from Ireland and she is a devout Catholic. She was telling me all these lovely things about her, It made me wonder if she thought I might have trouble with her beliefs. I don’t. Finally I told her about our friend Jordis. Karen and I worked with her at Professional Communication Services. She was the most wonderful and generous lady. She too was Catholic. The meanest thing I ever heard her say about someone is that they made her tired. She cooked for people and gave when people needed help, until her dying day. No one knew she was wealthy because she lived in a modest home and kept repairing her old car. Mom said that Margaret was the same way. I know tomorrow will be lovely! Margaret is going to serve communion. I have not had communion in years.

Today I read an article by an ex-Southern Baptist Preacher. It reminded me of a lot of things. I think I am farther along in my journey than he is. Which I am thinking I will name my reconstruction phase. I know the bible tells us that God will never leave, nor forsake us. We have been made in the image of God. There is no male or female, we are all one in Christ; which leads me to believe that sex is a human issue, not a God-issue, since in heaven we are not given into marriage and we will have heavenly bodies. Jesus said to give freely and out of abundance, not exhaustion. This explains the need for a day of rest and also giving out of love and not expectation. I believe in the separation of church and state and I think Jesus did too because He said to give to Cesar what is his. Jesus said that the most important commandment was to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, soul and mind and to love our neighbor as ourself. If we are loving our God with all of ourself and God is God, with no evil in Him and He made everyone in his image and we are free from the law that causes sin, we don’t need laws because we will naturally love each other, care for each other and not abuse each other. When you rely on laws set by government to tell you what your rights are, you might forget what your responsibility to everyone is, who is made in the image of God, and also has His breath in their lungs, just like you.

But I am not perfect, so I am so thankful for grace and forgiveness.

Do I believe that Christianity is the only answer? I know that there are many religions and most of them have a golden rule that comes down to love your neighbor as yourself or treat others as you want to be treated. The rest is details. Rituals. Rituals are for people to make them feel safe. Much like making quiche on Easter because it reminds me of Nana. Who’s handwriting was just like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Who taught me many good habits and loved me as much as I could stand it. The same woman who married Grandpa Bill and eventually told me I could stop calling him that and just call him Grandpa (she didn’t know that he was so special and part of it was his name, but I dropped Bill, however I still called him that when I spoke about him because I wanted people to know I was talking about him and not my other grandfathers and I made sure he knew he was the best Grandpa ever). God is the same way. I know if I call Him, Bob, He will answer me because He knows my heart.

When I was a young lady and I sang at First Baptist, I sang some of the most gut-wrenching songs about the crucifixion at this time of year. It was hard to learn them and sing them. I was glad when the season was over. I have heard some of the most bloody stories ever about Jesus’ death and it always bothered me. Not just because it was the most violent and brutal death imaginable but it just seemed like we were focusing on the wrong thing. Much like Winnie and his crucifix with Jesus still on the cross. I always told him, Jesus isn’t on there anymore. We should focus on our new life.

Now as I begin to define my new life in a new way I am enjoying new thoughts. I can’t remember the term that Brandan Robertson used but it basically means that God reconciles all of us to Himself in the end. That hell is not something in the end. We all go to God in the end. When I read that, something clicked into place for me because I believe that hell is now, when you choose to not love. It is a natural consequence for not loving. If God made us for His good pleasure and time is for Him to manipulate, why wouldn’t He be able to reconcile us to Himself, because He wanted to?

I have read the crucifixion story so many times over the years. From the perspective of all the gospels and Paul, of course. I always get into the Jesus parts. I am always worried about Him. I know He has to put the soldier’s ear back on and He has to get control of the disciples. He is going to be beaten and lied to and about. He will be completely humiliated and yet in all of it, He will not save Himself because He has chosen to save me; to save you. For generations the Jews had chosen money and things over God, they chose laws over people. Because that is what humans do. But you know what else humans do? They streak.

Yep. In a message from one of my favorite teacher’s Reverend Joseph Yoo, he, is telling the story about when Jesus is being arrested in Mark chapter 14. Everything is crazy and this young man wearing nothing but a linen cloth is running by, and a soldier grabs him, but the guy slipped out of his cloth and runs away, completely naked. I love to listen to Rev. Yoo because he is just an honest guy and he keeps things authentic. Also he tends to bring scripture to a new place for me. A human place because God made humans. He loves humans. The story of the crucifixion and resurrection is a supernatural story for humans. Jesus did what He did because He loves humans.

Jesus loves us everyday. I don’t really need a holiday to thank Him for my salvation. I thank Him every time I think about it and that is most every day. But holidays are for people and people need rituals. It makes us feel safe. It helps us remember people we love. Nana could not sing with a pretty voice, but she had a lot of joy and I love to think about her shrill voice, in the kitchen making our waffles in the toaster, as she belted out: Up From the Grave He Arose!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

We Love Each Other the Same

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 26, 2026 | About Summer, Poetry

I was thinking we love differently
but that isn’t true
because we both love completely
You tell me you love me
constantly
and randomly
You say I am beautiful
and sexy even
when I feel icky
You work hard for us
You try hard
You give us everything you have

~

And I love you the same

~

I learned to mend your socks
because you love them
I learned to organize the receipts
because you need to keep them
I learned to like chicken
and hard boiled eggs
more than ever before
I ever knew you
My heart stopped when I saw
your blood pressure meds had been recalled
until the pharmacy let me know
you would be alright
I noticed that your shirt was on backwards
because I was checking you out
and I told you
so no one else would tease you

~

We love each other the same
We just communicate different

~

Spring Solstice 2026

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 23, 2026 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

On Friday night I had posted that in honor of Spring Solstice 2026, I wanted to invite anyone that wanted to pray with me at 10 am on Saturday, I would send them an invitation to join me on Zoom. It turned out to be a wonderful visit with Jamie Holloway since we don’t get to see each other nearly enough. Her new AAC device makes it so much easier to communicate with her but Zoom makes it nice to see her sparkly eyes and pretty smile too! If we could figure out how to do virtual hugs it would be perfect!

I confessed to Jamie, that I was full. The stress of the world was too much. I couldn’t take anymore. She reminded me that God told us to have a sabbath for a reason. I remember that I was successful at leaving Facebook alone, except for a few select posts, on Sunday, back before the world became so hostile. And then somewhere I just couldn’t look away. I stopped reading anything but the bible for joy. After our conversation, I picked up Gather Together in My Name by Maya Angelou. I have devoured it since that conversation.

Yesterday I was gathering some dried herbs to add to a soup. I was looking for oregano, rosemary, and sage. And the voice that talks to me when I cook, told me to grab the thyme. I responded that I don’t like to cook with thyme like this.

Usually I don’t argue with the voice. I also don’t usually feel emotions from the voice but I felt some irritation from it and it was kind of muffled, but the voice said, “But Karen likes it.”

So I grabbed the thyme. By then I had sensed the voice was female and she was coaching me through adding the herbs. Which I didn’t care for, but I thought it was sweet that someone cared this much about our food so I listened as added a small amount of sage and just a little bit of thyme and then some lemon oil because the voice reminded me that they knew Jamie had told me that it goes well with oregano and it made her happy when we enjoyed our food. Then as I was about to walk away, she said to add a half a tsp of salt. That was when I was done with being told what to do because I salt when I first start cooking vegetables and at the end. I don’t salt in the middle because I don’t want to over salt. So I said: “Which Grandma are you?”

And she said: “Does it matter? Do what you are told!”

So I did.

Then I called my mom and told her about it. She was a little uncomfortable because this is not something we talk about in her part of my family. She did humor me though. She said that it would not have been Nana, because Nana didn’t cook. It would not have been, Grammy because she only cooked dessert and Grandpa Johnny was the cook in their house. She said it must be Grandma Clemenson. After thinking for a few seconds, I agreed that it made sense that it would have been Grandma. You did not talk back to Grandma.

When Karen G Clemenson came home she tasted the broth and said it was perfect. I told her about my visit. Then I told her that this weekend was spring solstice and Grandma’s birthday is the 28th. We agreed it did not seem weird that she would come for a visit.

I must admit that taking a sabbath, no matter what you do, is important. I made time for some self care. I did some reading. I had some deep thoughts that I am still considering. In fact one thing I should put out there for anyone who wants to consider inviting us to your church for Easter, please don’t. I know I wrote about being ready to find a church, and I know there is one I might go to one day, but I never did, mainly because I don’t believe in organized religion. I love people and I love Christians but my, oh my! I believe in the separation of church and state and that is not the world we live in anymore. In any case, if we were to visit, which I am not against, if we were to visit it would never be on a holiday. Church on a holiday is like religion on steroids. I am a brutally honest person and I think it is hypocrisy to go to church on a holiday if you wont go on just any old Sunday.

If you wont invite me to your un-birthday, I am probably not the one you want at the big shindig on the only day you bring out the fine china. I think if you have finery, it should be used because the sun came out and you felt like inviting me over and that is the holiday. And if you don’t have finery, I am fine with that too.

To borrow a quote from Peter Pan in the movie Hook:

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

This is Kelso-Longview

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 9, 2026 | About Summer, Opinions, Poetry

It’s 4:41 am and I hear the rain
and I hope the embers
at The Red Lion Inn will finally extinguish
because I don’t want Kelso
to be on fire
The ache in my bones
is enough to remind me
That Jamie keeps talking about barometric pressure

~

I am awake at this hour often
and listen to the sounds
of Longview traffic
dock workers
and a mill town
Trains and a variety
of people with rough hands
People that love their dogs
more than their neighbors
and don’t realize what part of history
we should let go of
for the sake of our kids

~

If you step outside
and you know where to look
there are people who
live in their cars
and doorways
and every kind of structure
Look online and you can read
what some people think about that
Per capita we more generous
than more wealthy parts of our state
But we also have more secrets
and health issues
and we don’t like change

~

But every kind of person lives here
Seen or not
Heard or not
The friend
The socialite
Politician or religious zealot
The quiet people who listen
more than they talk
The teachers
The healers and artists
The people who don’t know what to do with themselves
and the ones who think they know best

~

This is Kelso-Longview
where everyone and no one knows your name
Some people love it
and others hate it
And sometimes you can see a downpour behind you
and a rainbow in front of you
My grandpa told me
the only other time he ever saw that
was when he was stationed in Japan
So I think of this place as not only my home
but a gift

~

You Either Love Omelets and More or You Love Pancake House

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 8, 2026 | About Summer, Opinions

I was raised in Longview, Washington. I came here when I was 2 years old. My parents were transplants. My family is from the Seattle area. We visited my family throughout Washington, but I was raised here. I went to Tumbleweeds Preschool at the YMCA. I went to Columbia Valley Gardens Elementary School. I attended Monticello Middle School. I graduated from R. A. Long High School and I have an AA in Business from Lower Columbia College. I spent a month of one summer with my aunt in a suburb of Boston. I spent some time of another summer in California for a family reunion. I lived for a year an a half in Kelso. I even moved to Seattle for 8 months. But I always came back to Longview. This is my home.

My wife was born in High Point, North Carolina. After she got out of the military, she ended up in Washington because she had a sick friend she was coming to help while she healed. Karen G Clemenson knew she had found home. Somewhere in there, we met and were friends for 11 years before we knew we loved each other, bigger than sisters and more than friends. I have thought about leaving, but now I am probably here forever, because Karen loves it here and she loves this community, more than I can imagine.

Today I saw another of many posts about food on Facebook. I find it contemplative that you either love Omelets and More or you love Pancake House, if you live in Longview. But that statement says a lot about a city that is actually a metropolis, that insists on acting like a small town. At least that is what I have thought for years, because I see Kelso-Longview as one city and have seen it that way for most of my adult life. Something told me to look up the stats again and I found that we are short on our population in Longview, Washington to reach metropolis status, which is what a county seat usually is, but according to Kelso, Washington’s city website:

Since I was on the team of people that built one of their websites in the early 2000’s, this might also be why I was thinking this. The way I see it is that we should be called Kelso-Longview. Kelso, being the older of the cities, and alphabetically it should come first. We don’t have to change most of the signage, because Kelso areas can remain suburbs and Longview areas can remain suburbs, much like Carrolls, Lexington, and Rose Valley are parts of Kelso and Coal Creek and Willow Grove are suburbs of Longview. But this is not why I started writing this…what a rabbit trail!

The way I experience living in Longview is that you either are seen or you are not. You either are known or you are not. I have lived here all my life and because I am quiet and thoughtful, meaning I have lived mostly in my thoughts, it hasn’t been until that last 10 to 15 years that I really have found my voice and been able to share who I am. My experience has been shock when people learn who my family is because I was not part of their lives very often because I have always been a support person. But now I am building my own family and I have found my voice and I am comfortable with who I am, regardless of what other’s think so I write and I share, because I have learned many things in my life.

I think it says a lot about you when you choose one restaurant over another. I know why I like Omelets and More and it isn’t all about the food. I like that there is always a parking spot available. They keep similar hours, at least since I checked last, so that is not a difference. I don’t actually go to either restaurant, we do take out. But you still need to park your car so you can get your food and it is just easier at Omelets and More. Also there is a larger reception area. I don’t like being crowded. I have worked with Barry and his wife, who is beautiful on the inside and outside, even though I have never been able to remember her name; they are lovely people and their staff is kind and helpful, although if it is close to closing time…well it is just best to do take out. I don’t go there for pancakes. I love their omelets and waffles.

Now if you want the best pancakes, you should drive on over to The Cornerstone Cafe in Rainier, Oregon!

I don’t have anything bad to say about Pancake House, other than there is never a parking space available when I have wanted to go there, so I gave up and adapted. You see, I am from Longview, but I was raised in Seattle too…so I learned to find work arounds. I guess what I bring to the table is that complaining is a waste of time if you aren’t going to change.

Me not going to Pancake House is not going to hurt their business, and I don’t want it to. I am glad they have a strong customer base. If they lost their customers, it would be harder to find a parking spot at Omelets and More. I really like their Mushroom, Bacon and Swiss Omelet (which I have them use Cheddar instead of Swiss because I don’t like Swiss). What is important is that one reason I choose the businesses that I decide to make my go-to places, is that they treat me well.

As part of my business degree, I had to take a customer service class. My instructor told me that she was embarrassed that I had to take this course, because she felt I could have taught it. Not everyone had a Nana who read Miss Manners to them during breakfast and actually listened and practiced what I was read. I admit, that I believe that most places I go to, could benefit from customer service classes. But every now and then, I am blessed by places that talk to me like I matter, listen to me and learn my favorite things. Omelets and More, Cafe Guse, Red Leaf, Kim Bowl, Mill City Grill, Tequila Fuego, and Crafty Works, just to name a few of my favorite local businesses.

Today Red Lion Inn burnt down. I am putting this here because everyone in this area has probably gone to the Red Lion for an expo, or a class, or to visit their grandparents or loved ones when they came to see them. This event deserves to be mentioned somewhere. It is important to take a moment to take a breath and stop while we recognize that people lost their jobs today. Someone lost property. Somebody may have been injured. There has been a loss. I hear and feel this loss. As a community, whether we carry each other on purpose, or by accident, we will bear this. We will adjust.

Whether you call it customer service or community, we live here. We share this space. I want you to know you are important. There is no animosity here. You are loved. I want you to know joy. I want you to know peace. Both of these things are choices. They are inside you. You must make it.

Thank you to all the people that create moments of joy and peace in our community. You make blessings easier to find.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

White Narcissism

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 5, 2026 | About Summer, Opinions

I was watching commentary by Ashleythebarroness on Facebook where the speaker said that instead of using the term White Supremacy we should use White Narcissism because the behavior we are actually seeing is actually fragility and insecurity when people are not in the lime light. Malignant Narcissism is when entitlement, lack of empathy, obsession with control, mixed with aggression moves beyond the thought of being great, to, “I deserve to be centered, obeyed, deferred to, and if I am not, somebody has to pay.”

But if a Black person talks about racism, or a White person, for that matter, why do people get upset? Why does true history make some people feel personally attacked? Why does a conversation about police violence become about a person’s personal feelings? These experiences are from people whose identity only works if other people stay small.

In this video, Ashley is talking about a book she is reading: Fear of Black Consciousness by Lewis R. Gordon. Lewis, talks about how whiteness gets treated like the default for the human experience. However, when Black people speak about their personal experiences in society, it feels like its about race, because that is the status quo — but their experience is theirs’s. It is valid.

Narcissistic systems don’t just want dominance. They need to be worshipped, obeyed and never questioned. Narcissistic people believe everyone is like me and thinks like me, so if you don’t –You are the problem. This is why equality can be made to feel like theft, accountability can feel like persecution, diversity can feel like erasure and Black Awareness is treated like danger, by some people.

Ashley said these words and she reminded me of conversations I have had in my life.

Last week, I was told by someone, they wished that I had not cut myself off from my father because they don’t want me to miss my inheritance. They believe I deserve it.

It was a random and unexpected comment. I think it was brought on after I had shared a few dreams I have. Dreams that I have for Kelso-Longview. Dreams I don’t really want to own, but want to see. Dreams that are not free. When I told them my visions, I told this person that it was my job to write them down and tell the right people; these dreams may never come true, but until I ask, the answer is always, “No.”

But this person does not know the abuse I lived with. I was actually told, “If I was the only one with the problem, than I was the problem,” after I asked for help. After years of being responsible for everyone, how dare I ask for help. After years of being unimportant, not good enough, not understood, or heard, why would I think I could ever have that? When my father chose his second wife, he was never going to choose me, because she was never going to choose me, unless it fit in her plans or made her look good and I was expendable. Even if I tried to have a relationship with her, she sabotaged it. She didn’t want me, so she made sure I was forgotten. She made sure that my younger sister was always chosen. Because she was the Golden One; even better than her own daughter.

There were so many fights over the phone, in the car, in the office. It was always a fight or getting over a fight. I was tired and when I became sick, it didn’t get better. So when I got cancer and chose to call my father, to make sure he got the news from me and not through someone else. And he started yelling at me about arguments, I might have had with adult sisters about children they had that were now adults too, I decided it was the last time. You don’t attack someone when they tell you they have cancer and they are afraid to die. He had already showed his hand, years before. I was never going to be chosen. So that night, I chose myself.

Even if I had been in his will, I don’t need his money. I never wanted his money. Money has never saved me. God has always taken care of me. Money shows up when I need it. Relationships have carried me. That is something Winnie can never give me because when he chose Debbie, he was never going to choose me.

So even though Black culture is something I have studied since I was in high school and it is something I have learned even more intimately since I married my wife and became Black by marriage, I have my own experience with being treated unfairly, because I was never paid for raising my father’s children for him. His middle daughter was born broken and she abused me physically and mentally. I was fragile enough so I disassociated a lot of my life, so I didn’t totally know what was going on at the time. I know this is nothing compared to being Black, but I was invisible to Black folks when I walked down the street with Karen G Clemenson until I married her, and now they know I am her wife and I am seen now.

Yes, I can related to white narcissism.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

Things Have Changed Me

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 27, 2026 | About Summer, Opinions, Queer Community

Things have changed me over the last 12 years. I got married to someone the loves me for exactly who I am. I don’t have to act or be anything other than who I am. When I am at my worst Karen G Clemenson tells me I am beautiful, sexy, smart and she loves me. When I have nothing for her, I can tell her that and she will give me space because that is what I need. She knows I love her and when I have dealt with me or taken a nap, I will be there for her and until then, there is food in the fridge, clean clothes to wear and interesting books to read and her favorite app on her phone.

I have worked hard to learn to live with and accommodate chronic physical and mental illness. These things don’t go away but they can be managed and I do it well.

I have removed people and things from my life that do not serve me well. I have learned to say no and to create boundaries.

I have come to peace with my sexuality. God made me this way and He has never stopped loving me. I am also comfortable with my sex. These were two things that for several reasons were hard for me growing up. But God has never left my side.

I have overcome suicidal ideation. At most it is a fleeting thought and when it comes, I know to stop and take better care of myself.

I have also overcome endometrial cancer. Now at one point on a specific day I had at least 4 medical professional’s hands in my lady parts at one time. That was just one moment of the day. Throughout the three years I fought this cancer, I have had more people in my lady parts than I ever gave the two people I loved enough to choose to be with in my 50 years of life. This has made me much braver than most of the other hard things I have had to do in my life.

I reached 50 years old. Now I don’t really care about age. I don’t give it a lot of thought. Some topics, I still converge upon as a child. My age doesn’t really reflect to me in reality until I want to move and then reality becomes apparent because I really do have two kinds of arthritis and fibromyalgia, but in my head age is fluid. But I do think I have earned enough life experience that even if, I didn’t already believe that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business, what I think matters.

Yet, what I love about myself is that what I believe about most things can be fluid because I am a human and I don’t know everything and sometimes I hear, read or see incorrectly and I know it.

I appreciate your beliefs and I appreciate the time and effort you put into explaining why you believe what you do.

I believe there is room for all beliefs.

I am a Jesus Follower because when I was 5 years old, I was playing by myself under the apple trees in my backyard and suddenly, I knew I was with Jesus and I never been alone since. I have been able to rely on my relationship with Jesus when I didn’t know how to do things, when I didn’t have answers, when I was hurting and when I could not trust anyone. I can’t prove this to you and I am not trying to. In my 20’s I got angry and told God to F-CK off. That was the loneliness, and most scary week of my life and it ended with me on my face asking Him to forgive me because I don’t know how to function without His relationship.

I don’t believe God wastes His time testing me. He doesn’t have to when He knows where I am. He knows I am willing to listen to Him. He is my Dad and my Friend. We have the same goal. Yes, He prunes and He teaches and He corrects, as His word says, but I think testing is the world’s job.

I am not a traditional person or a person that cares about rituals. Religion is not something that interests me but I love people because I believe we are all created in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs.

Suffering is part of life. God did not promise a life free of suffering. Jesus’ 40 day fast was not easy. He spent most of his ministry, homeless. He was beaten with fists and whips before he was crucified; his death was brutal. What God did promise was that He would bring us through trials. He would empower us to love each other and help each other.

There can’t be evidence of God if we are to rely on faith. As we walk with God we learn to rely on faith and empathy. We learn this by learning from what Jesus taught us and the relationship we can grow in our meditation with the Holy Spirit, which was left with us when Jesus left the earth to go to God.

Hell is an interesting topic. Honestly, I believe hell is right here when we choose to make choices that hurt ourselves and others; the natural consequences of not loving. This was not taught to me at all church, but in my own studies of the bible. I might be wrong, but God is very practical. The laws in the bible were meant to help humans to have healthy lives, and show people that lived in dry, sandy and hot places, where they wore togas and sandals and had poor sanitation and bad manners, how to be clean and mindful of each other so that everyone was well. Those same rules were meant to prove that rules cause sin because humans are rebellious by nature and need a Savior. God was setting the stage for Jesus.

This same God, wants to be chosen so He gave us the right to choose. You don’t have to choose Him. I am not asking you to choose Him. But I do love Him and I am grateful that He chose me and I got to choose Him back.

I believe God made science. He is very creative. God’s version of time is very different than ours because He never gets tired since He is Spirit and doesn’t have a body. A day to God is thousands of years, which is why, even though the bible says the earth was created in 6 days, scientists have proven it took thousands of years of evolution for the earth to even be safe for humans to be here. I could think on that for a long time. It’s pretty amazing.

I am very thankful for the people that inspired these thoughts!

I want to close with this thought. I want you to have an amazing day. I want the sun to shine on you. I want you to feel love today and I want you to know safety. Regardless of what happens outside our community, I want Kelso-Longview to be a place where joy is because I live here. I can get get a little hot under the collar but at the end of the day, I do believe we are all made in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs. And I want that to be the impression I leave. I get passionate because I love people and I want all people to loved and cared for and sometimes we fail, but I really hope you have a great day!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

They Have Not Chosen Me

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 20, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions

Today was a special day. A birthday. They are hard. Days for special people that I love with all my heart that I can’t reach because they have not chosen me. Jamie Holloway suggested we have cake and sing, “Happy Birthday.” She was right. It helped a lot.

I have been trying very hard to not write about certain people. I want to be done with them but they still live in my dreams. They are still in my history. They still make me cry.

I recently texted something I needed to say to my mom, but I couldn’t say it to her. I don’t need an apology. I just needed to tell her. People can only give what they have. Most people don’t have the words I need. That is what Karen G Clemenson and Jamie and a few others that know who they are, are for.

Mom said that she thinks the blog is what really triggered these people. Whether that is what she meant, I felt some blame in that phrase. I am not angry about it. We don’t have to agree to love each other.

I never pulled all the heads off of someone’s dolls until they made Cabbage Patch Dolls and I couldn’t do it anymore so I outlined their mouths with blue ink. I have never chased anyone around a house with a knife on more than one occasion. I have never kicked anyone in the stomach over and over again while they begged me to stop. I have never stolen anything from anyone, especially their senior year, year book with messages from people they can never replace. I never helped someone buy their psych meds and then told everyone about it. I never told people I paid someone to do something that they did for free. I never poured river rock on top of the flower beds they dug out by hand and planted bulbs that they never saw produce. This is the short list. This is the list of only one person. This is the list that hurts the least.

This is the substance of a system that I was not born into but it became as I grew older and things changed; while my family changed.

I was told by several therapists that I should leave my family. I loved them. Most importantly there were sibkids (kids of siblings) that I adored and I knew if I left, I would never see them again because the system was what it was, so I stayed.

But when I got really sick, the kind of sick that doesn’t go away, I realized I had to change. And when I prayed to God for a partner because I really didn’t want to live anymore, and I didn’t want to live alone because even though I was surrounded by people, none of them ever chose me, there was Karen. So we married and even though nothing got better right away, I had some joy. One day we came over for dinner and my mom even told me how beautiful I looked. I didn’t know what to say. Joy does that for you.

But we tried to be part of this system and Karen was watching me get worse. And one day after a visit when I was unable to stay awake or get out of bed, she came home from work and begged me to get out of bed and eat something and take my meds. She begged me not to let them take me away anymore. And when the depression subsided and my mind came back around, I realized I had to make a choice, so I called my mom and then my dad and I told them both that I had to take a break from them. I didn’t know where the pain was coming from and I needed a break. My therapists suggested a complete cut, but I didn’t want that. I had hoped that it would just be a break.

But my sisters heard about it and they cut me off and took their kids. My only pure joy.

Ms. Colvin, my father’s second wife remained who she is. My oldest sister remained who she is. My older, younger sister stayed who she is. My father chose who he always chooses. There were lots of terrible things.

It became permanent.

I cannot and will not apologize for my writing my truth. I cannot and will not apologize for living authentically. Abusers need to be outed. I deserve to be advocated for. I deserve to be my own hero. I have earned my freedom. I will never get back the love I wasn’t given and that I deserved.

God is a God of reconciliation. It is because He healed me so much that I could hear Him when my youngest sister reached out to me and He said it would be ok, that I read her message about our mother that I have had amazing moments with her. But I have fought hard to be able to stand in my truth. I will not sit down now. I will not be quiet and let things be.

I will not attack my abusers on purpose. They do not have to read my blog.

It is their love for drama that created my need for the outlet that sometimes my blog is. This is my 653rd article on this website. These articles that might bring them up might take up only >5-10% of all of them. I am a warrior. I have beat cancer. Jamie reminds me of that all the time. I may have spent most of the day in bed today, but tomorrow I will get up and have a great day.

I am free from the system that my extended family holds dear.

Oh BTW I beat cancer!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

I’m Much Stronger

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 6, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Opinions

I’m much stronger than I have ever been and I have forgiven so much. I have learned who I am and I like myself. I like myself enough to be comfortable with saying this is who I am and it is ok that I am not like you. I can say no to abusive people or people that don’t add anything to my life, especially if they know they are hurting me, because I told them, and they are not willing to change, or worse, they tell me that if I am the only one with the problem, than I am the problem.

Learning Who I Am

I have been hurt by a lot of people. I walked away from most people for a period of time, some so I could get the medical and mental wellness help I needed. I needed to learn who I am, what I want, what I need, how to take care of myself and make healthy boundaries. Some of these people had hurt me, but it wasn’t intentional, they were surviving too and I needed to know how to see myself as an individual and not an extension of them. In fact I hurt them too because I was always angry and confused and we were all being manipulated by the same people.

I am very sensitive, I am also a sensory person. Lights, sounds, colors and large groups of people are hard for me, especially if I have not prepared myself for the experience. It took me a long time to learn how to do that.

I have been talking with God about the emotional pain I have lived with for most of my life and a lot of it has healed. I used to be so miserable all the time; fluvoxamine has helped me not want to die and slowed down my thoughts so I can process them in a healthy way. I don’t feel angry all the time anymore. I was talking with God several nights ago and had no peace about the pain I was feeling. My abusers will never hear me, even if I had the opportunity to tell them what I want them to know. They believe what they want to.

Over the years, I have become more comfortable with my emotions. Grandma Clemenson was someone who cried. I am more like her that way. The following morning when I was talking to God, I found myself saying to Him that I wanted my pain to honor Him and that was different and I felt a shift. I suddenly knew why He hasn’t taken it from me. Even the Apostle Paul had a “thorn in his flesh” that kept him humble (2 Corinthians 12:7).

I don’t leave home often but when I do, I meet people and I have moments with them that mean something. Because my pain is available, I never forget and it makes it easy to empathize with people that hurt, with people who might be ignored or misunderstood by others. It helps me love them.

Growth Is Good

I am glad I was able to reconnect with my mom and youngest sister. God told me it was time. He is always correct. I had always thought I was just like my father and I do have some of his good qualities. But I see that I am very much like my mom. We are givers. We are creative. We have had some great conversations.

We have been able to clear up some misunderstandings. I had always thought Mom didn’t like to talk about hard things, but since we have been able to do this many times and we both have been able to apologize for where we were wrong, I think she was tired a lot when she was carrying our family.

I was not as clear in some of my blog posts regarding my mom. Like in I Tried to Call My Father Daddy Once where I wrote about the call to my parents to tell them about my cancer. I only mentioned my mom, because I wanted to illustrate that I called her first because she deserved it. The article was about my relationship with my father. I should have left her out of the article altogether, but since I didn’t, I should have mentioned that she called me as soon as she heard my voicemail and we talked for a while, she tried to reassure me that I would be ok and she was praying for me. In our recent conversation, she told me her phone didn’t recognize the number I was calling from, but she called me right back after she heard my message, and she did. I apologized to her but also told her that article was about how bad my father made me feel.

There were other things I wrote about my mom that must have been confused in my mind. I have apologized for things I thought were true; I should have never mentioned anything about my mother’s mental health diagnoses, especially because I was wrong. Mental health can be a real bear. I am trying very hard to remain in now and stop looking back.

There has been a lot of mumbling about my blog. It’s sad to me that people get stuck on a few articles but don’t see the hundreds of poems, book reviews, articles about Jesus, research articles and my updates about my cancer. I have been writing since I was a child. I was skimming through many posts today, and yes, the last several years have been intense, but, in my opinion, there is some lovely art mixed in with my growing pains.

I am at a point where I don’t want to talk about my abusers anymore. I have said enough. They don’t deserve any more of my time. But I do want them to leave my mom alone. When I stepped away I didn’t keep sending her messages until I was ready to return. I certainly didn’t send hate mail. I didn’t lie or manipulate anyone to alienate her. I didn’t even do what I was accused of.

Society is in Pain

This week, I was watching a video of an influencer I have been watching for a while. He is a young man that I have been paying attention to as he grows into himself. He does beautiful things in his community, with the goal of building relationship. Usually he posts great stories about his interactions with people but the video I interacted with, was his response to two young women that took a couple Angel Tree tags off a tree and filled a shopping cart with merchandise and recorded themselves while doing it, and then left the full cart in the store when they left. Immediately people were angry or sad and other big emotions. Because I used to be on The Salvation Army Board for the Kelso-Longview Corp. I know how some of the ways the Christmas Center was run while I was on the board and volunteered. So I posted that the cards were only suggestions and that the Christmas Center was probably set up like a store so parents and guardians could come and “shop” for what their children wanted and needed for Christmas. I wanted people to not worry, children would get something to open for Christmas. My message was totally meant to bring peace to those who thought that those children would not get anything because their card was stolen.

And for many my message did what I had intended.

But for a lot of people my message illustrated 2 things for me:

1. Kelso-Longview is truly unlike most other places and we do things differently. I already knew this but I forgot. But it does make sense that each TSA Corp would function in the way that their community would respond the best.
2. People have been hurt. People have been hurt by groups, organizations and people that said they were going to help. Because of this they are cynical, gun-shy and sometimes just plain hateful. This I also knew because I have been there.

I have spent a lot of time the last two days responding to people because I thought it was right to tell them that I was wrong to tell them how my corps handles the Christmas Center, when I haven’t volunteered there for several years and I have never been to another corps ever. I also told them it makes sense that all TSA Corps would function in a way that best suits their community, meaning that those cards might really be for a specific child. I have apologized to people that felt as though the Corps in their area has taken advantage of them or people in their community (I don’t make excuses or argue, their experience is their experience). I have explained that I was raised being told that I would never get every gift on my Christmas list because gifts are not the main reason for Christmas, spreading joy, love and gratefulness is. I have said Merry Christmas a lot.

I also have been discussing with a gentleman in a community group why I think it is wrong to call people names because you don’t agree with their political beliefs. I don’t offer my opinion as much as I used to. I have begun reading other people’s responses and giving a thumbs up or hug to people I agree with and letting the rest go. Many times I find people that just like to swear a lot and call people names. Those people I respond by telling them they are an abuser. I never get a response from anyone on those. But this guy was different because, although he was calling a particular group names, he was using old fashioned names that were fascinating and intelligent. So I thanked him for being interesting, but reminded him that other people have a right to their opinion. He thanked me for noticing his great words and explained why he thought that people who believed a specific way were troglodytes and referred to a violent show that I have not seen to illustrate his reasoning. I told him that I believed that verbal violence was still violence, I had not seen that show, and I didn’t want to add to any violence. I think we are done with our discord.

My point is that our society is hurting. Many of us are hurting as individuals. Some of are hurting as families. A lot of us are hurting as a nation. Even some might say that the earth is crying out. I have to admit that several times this week, I have wanted to let my anger engage with some people. I am human and I wanted to have some vengeance. But I know that vengeance belongs to God. And when I didn’t want to let that prevail, I asked Karen G Clemenson, and she reminded me that the people I wanted to engage with, only like to fight and I would be giving them what they want. I don’t like to fight. I am trying to grow up here. I will 50 here in a few weeks, and I want to be a thoughtful and wise person like Grandpa Bill. I want to be a graceful lady like Nana. I want to by a good listener like Grammy. I want to be devoted and forthright woman like Grandma Clemenson. I want to keep creating and giving like Mom. I don’t need to let my temper or my mood swings get the best of me.

This year for Christmas maybe we should choose to be soft with each other. Even if it takes a few days to cool of so we don’t give more violence or hate instead of love and compassion.

Note: It has taken me 6 days to write this.

Image Credit: Isn’t my mom’s Christmas tree pretty?

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

Honoring the Fact That I Am Depressed

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 17, 2025 | About Summer, Chronic Illness

Today I am honoring the fact that I am depressed. Why do I use those words? Because I learned in my 30’s that being honest with myself was not negative but the first step in the right direction. If I recognize I am depressed then I know I need to either try harder or rest more. I have thought about why I might be depressed and it just comes back to the fact that I am chronically ill and I live in chronic pain and sometimes those two things make my life harder and I don’t like it and sometimes those two things impede on me more than I want them to and it makes me angry, so angry I lash out on me.

So I slept a lot today and then I made myself do my workout. I have been skipping my workout. Not every day but enough. I need my workouts. They are needed and I shouldn’t be skipping them unless I had surgery or I have a migraine. When I can think straight I know this. My workouts are not stressful. They focus on stretching and strengthening my muscles. They are not aerobic because my body doesn’t like those movements. However my rheumatologist has noticed how flexible I am and my oncologist has noticed my strength. These two characteristics are the foundation of stamina. I need them to support joints and nerves that often fail me. They have helped me not to fall countless times.

Since the day is almost gone I will not confuse myself with too much. I have a phone appointment or preop appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I have to get up much earlier than usual so tomorrow I will get things done. Today I will spend some time in my bible. I will take a shower. I will go to bed early. I will take care of me.

When we are depressed it is wise to listen to ourselves and love ourselves. Often there is a reason and sometimes there isn’t. Or sometimes the reason isn’t one you can get rid of, but you can love yourself through the moment.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

The Reign of Trump

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 13, 2025 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Politics

I have struggled a lot during the campaign and the reign of Trump. I won’t say much on that because verbally bashing the president is redundant at this point. I do pray that God blesses him and that God finds glory for Himself in whatever God is doing in and through Trump. Any success Trump has is a success for us all and I would be a fool to not support this. I too am an imperfect human. I too can be judged by many. I too can be misunderstood. But whether I misunderstood him, or his imperfections caused valid fear in me, it has effectively persuaded some of my responses.

Jamie and Summer getting together and enjoying our time.

I am an independent thinking voter, who has never voted straight across a platform until Trump was being voted for because I was afraid of Project 2025. I regret my state level votes. However, our democratic governor has nothing to do with the fact that Project 2025 began happening the minute Trump took office.

As far as the government shutdown goes. There came a moment when I knew people were not getting their paychecks but were expected to go to work, that I felt like we had to stop playing politics and be humans. When people were worried about their SNAP and WIC benefits and it was no longer important to me if the republicans or the democrats won. When an airplane crashed into a building with workers in it and people died, it was time to stop listening to Trump be wish washy and be forced by judges to feed hungry Americans. Because The USA is made of people; hard working people. People who deserve to be paid for their work so they can pay their bills and that money can go into our economy and build us all. Just like the SNAP and WIC benefits don’t just benefit the families that use them, but the grocery store that gets them and all the truck drivers and gas stations and every other business that support and supply the grocery stores and their workers. I don’t care if you think one side caved. The government staying closed, hurts us all. Insurance is important, but it was never going to be fixed if Congress could not get together and work on it.

I am watching as more democrats are taking positions or announcing their candidacy in government. I mentioned Jack Schlossberg, JFK’s grandson, running for Congress to Karen G Clemenson when she stopped by between jobs. I don’t know anything more about him. I don’t know if he will be good at the position. But I recognize that it is normal that when we have a president that shakes us up, that belongs to one party, we tend to switch to the other side at that next election. Our current president has more than shook up The United States, but other countries as well. So soon in his run, I am interested to see what will happen next. I was scared at one point. But then I decided to detach and see if I could enjoy any of Trump’s audacity.

I will never understand his appeal to anyone but I do enjoy audacity. It’s my type of humor. So I guess if you see me laughing, you can assume I’m dealing with myself the best way I know how.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

Happy Halloween 2025

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 31, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I have been in a pit of depression for the month of October and I woke up feeling so much lighter and glad to be out of that pit today. I made it out and it feels so good to be able to move easier. Depression is painful, not only mentally but physically for me. It stops me from doing so many things until I process whatever it is that I need to get through. I am thankful I got through. I have been so worried about a lot of things, things I know I can do nothing about other than to pray and try to set my mind in order on but what a day to be able to wake up and say: Happy Halloween 2025!

I have been terribly worried about the victims of Hurricane Melissa. The people in Jamaica, Haiti and Dominican Republic have been ravished. They have lost loved ones, homes, hospitals, places of work, safe spaces. All I can do is pray but I am so thankful for the people coming to their aid from all over the globe. Times like these really show me what love can look like and it doesn’t just come from one place. Love is international.

Politically I have been destitute. I am neither a democrat or a republican. I wish either party had a platform worth standing on right now. I think they have both lost their footing. Socially I tend to appreciate some of the social justice that democrats offer. Financially, I usually like the tax beliefs that republicans align themselves with. However, raising taxes on the poor and cutting taxes for the rich makes absolutely no sense to me. People that work should be able to have health insurance. In fact I do believe in universal healthcare because humans get sick and sick people should be able to go to the doctor and prevention saves money in the long run, a healthy workforce can pay more taxes, sick people make more sick people, and people that can’t afford to go to the doctor, go to the hospital and leave bills for the rest of us to pay for anyway. Eating is necessary and so SNAP should not be something we are fighting about. The fact that the government has been closed for 5 weeks is ridiculous. Trump has chosen to let the government stay closed and this makes me furious. He has proven, he gets what he wants. Other presidents have conceded when it was necessary.

But! Two judges ordered that contingency funds be used to pay for SNAP and so people will get their benefits, in spite of the bull headedness of our politicians and everyone that gets those dollars, including all the entities that benefit from those dollars at the grocery stores will continue to benefit which means we all benefit and I feel like a huge weight has been removed off of my chest. Thank You Jesus!

I was thinking about a Halloween a long time ago. I was out with friend. I was old enough that it was just the two of us in our neighborhood. Oak Street didn’t have a lot of street lights and it didn’t have sidewalks but we made it out alive. We were about finished. There was a park a block from my house and Stephanie and I were accosted by two boys that wanted our candy. They grabbed my pillow case that I had been using to collect candy. It made me angry so I grabbed it back and hit them in the head with it and left for home.

This is how I was telling the story to Karen G Clemenson. She was laughing. She didn’t understand why I would do that. So I told her. First, the boys had masks on, but I knew it was Ty and Shad. Ty lived across the street from me and Shad lived down the street from Stephanie and I didn’t need to be afraid of them. Second, my mom had just bought me a new comforter and matching pillow case and I really liked that pillow case. It wasn’t about the candy, it was about the pillow case. Also, if they had asked for the candy I would have given them some. I just didn’t want anyone to steal from me. Too much candy has always made me sick. They could have even followed me home and taken some. I always brought my Halloween candy to school anyway to share with my friends because I was not used to eating a lot of sugar.

Karen just kept looking at me like she couldn’t believe what I was telling her. It was about the pillow case, not the candy…One time Mom asked me where the strawberry preserves were and I told her Ty asked to borrow it…so I had to go to his house and get it back.

My mom didn’t like Halloween. She had her own reasons. I didn’t necessarily care for the day but I loved dressing up. Sometimes I would play with my makeup. One time my mom called me out to ask me a question and I didn’t have enough time to remove my makeup. I had done a mosaic design on my face. It was fantastic, but in the dimly lit living room, it must have been frightening. I tried to stay in the dark so she couldn’t see me while we spoke. Eventually, she looked at me and screamed. That had not been my goal. I was just a creative kid.

I haven’t dressed up in many years. Mainly because as I got bigger it wasn’t fun to do it anymore. I was also sick and when you live in a hotel, all your money goes to living in a hotel and being sick. But I am shrinking. I am almost back to my high school weight. In the picture above, I am in my prom dress (this is not a prom picture though, it is a Halloween picture with the car my Grandpa Bill gave my mom, that she gave me because she was too short to drive it). We are also very close to moving and we wont be spending all our money on rent anymore and I can start thinking about things like Halloween costumes again, I told Karen that we are going to be Raggedy Anne and Andy some year or maybe a Seattle Seahawk and a Football. She isn’t used to this idea because we have had to be so practical for so long, but the idea makes me smile.

Someone told me, this last week, that I like to worry about things. It is a trauma response. I didn’t have all I needed as a child. I saw a lot of pain. I am aware of trauma and pain. I hate it and I hate seeing people hurt. I don’t see that it is a bad thing to care about others and not want them to suffer. Jesus told us that when we fed the hungry or clothed the needy we were loving Him. When we were taking in the immigrant or helping someone that couldn’t help themself we were helping Him. I have been that person. I am that person sometimes. We all are.

Halloween is a favorite holiday to some because it is only about fun. I was explaining this to Karen. She doesn’t really care about this day either. I was telling her what Stephanie had explained to me when I asked her. There were no traditional meals, no gifts that had to be bought, no expectations but fun. People need this day because life can be hard, it can be traumatic, it can be less than what we need. What I am experiencing today is a renewed hope that can carry me farther than this day can take me and I am thankful. I hope you have some of this kind of feeling, not just for this day but for as many days as you can carry.

Shannon, I have no other way to reach you. I hope you have a Happy Halloween. We can’t be sisters or friends, but I do love you.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

Lots of Reasons

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 30, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I always gave my father lots of chances. I did that for lots of reasons. One was that it was easy to communicate with him. I was a lot like him, in that I understood what set him off. It was easy to learn the boundaries. He had the same violent streak that I had. There was a sadness and an intensity in him that I understood. I could understand the need to stay busy and not hear the voice inside that said mean things to me. He needed the validation that hard work brought. He had made himself after being the scapegoat in an abusive family. He had earned every advantage he had. I understood why money was important to him, although I never agreed, because I knew that all the money in the world could never fix the hurt.

I have always watched people. I feel a lot. I didn’t always have the words I needed to define what I felt, but I learned who was safe and who wasn’t. I couldn’t always keep myself from dangerous people, but I knew who I didn’t want to be like. I could eventually know when I was being lied to. Being a person that was easily stimulated by lights, sounds and emotions, was super hard for me. I didn’t know that was what my problem was until I was in my 40’s, but it was very hard to visit my father’s family when I was a child. There were so many of them. The history of alcoholism and abuse, although was not overtly present, was still there and I didn’t have words for it because I had been protected fiercely by both my father and my mom. I often would hide in a quiet room when it got too much for me and my father would find me and drag me out to join the noise.

I didn’t like my Grandpa Clemenson. It is hard to say that because I know it will hurt several people, especially my aunt. But I didn’t like him. My aunt has lovely stories about him and I think it is because she was his favorite, or maybe she chooses to remember him that way. But my grandfather’s eyes scared me. They were never soft; they were always hard and piercing. He always barked orders. I don’t remember hearing please or thank you from him. I don’t remember seeing love in his eyes toward my father and that scared me, because as I child, my father, was Superman to me. The only conversation I really remember having with my grandfather was when I heard him refer to black people as niggers. I was about 8 to 10 years old and I got in his face and told him that God made all people and He loved everyone and that it was wrong to use that word. I vaguely remember my father standing close by, maybe to make sure he could protect me from his father. My aunt has told me that my grandfather didn’t trust my father. This makes me sad. Because I know that my father took more beatings than his siblings. My grandfather created the monster inside my father. I don’t think it is fair that he didn’t trust him.

I had a hard time learning my name as a child. It was long. Summer Clemenson was so hard to learn that I didn’t learn to spell my middle name, Deanne until I was in 4th grade.

I was an angry child and teenager. People told me things they should never have told a child and teenager. Mom, in her desperation to keep us afloat told me things. Ms. Colvin, in her attempt to abuse me and hurt my mother told me things. My father, for his many reasons told me things he should never have told me. My anger is much quieter now, but there is still some left. I have learned to not feed the violent part of me. I want to be gentle and peaceful.

But as a young woman, I hated my name. I saw it as my grandfather’s name. I resented him because I didn’t think he loved my father. I never thought he should love me, but I knew I was loved by my parents and I thought parents were supposed to love their kids. This was not because of anything anyone had told me but what I felt when I was around him. I also didn’t like him because of the way his hands wandered when I was forced to hug him. Luckily a conversation among my father, Ms. Colvin and all my siblings, eventually made the hugging stop.

When I was in my young 20’s I was so angry that I used another last name. I got bills to the name Summer Dae. I wrote under the name Anna Stourmie Somre Dae. For a few years I was considering changing my name. But I was also in therapy at that time, and as things do, we begin to accept ourselves and I began to learn to love myself. I had not caused a lot of the negative things that had happened around me to happen and at some point I accepted my name. It was mine. Not anyone else’s. Yes, it connected me to a lineage, but in my mind, it was mine.

I remember the stress my mom was in when she divorced my father. She had decided to keep my name. She kept it, not because it was my father’s name, but because it was the name of her children. There was a month that Ms. Colvin wrote out the child support check to my mother’s maiden name. What a mess that made at the bank. What stress that added to our home. We needed that money. Ms. Colvin would do anything to hurt us. It wasn’t just my mom she was hurting, it was the children of the man she was supposed to love. The children she refused to allow her husband to co-parent their 3 children, one who was very difficult and needed more attention. No…She can’t have my name. I am Mrs. Clemenson now.

I go by Summer D Clemenson because at some point I was aware that I have a distant cousin named Sommer and before she was married, we had such a similar name that I chose to add the D. But this also was in honor of my Nana. She really wanted me to be named Summer Dee after the actress, Sandra Dee, but my mom wanted to make my middle name a little like her name so I got Deanne.

When Karen G Clemenson and I got married we were going to leave our names alone. We had been single for a long time. She was almost 50 and I was almost 40. We had lived a long time with our names. For me, I also didn’t like the name Gidderon. And the struggle it had taken for me to finally accept the name I had been born with was just too much to let go of it. But after a few months of marriage, I asked her, what would we do if we ever adopted children. We couldn’t curse them with the name Gidderon-Clemenson or Clemenson-Gidderon. We had to pick a name. So Karen’s answer was to take mine. Her father had died already and mine was still alive. Her parents had not given her a middle name so her last name became her middle name and she took my last name. Grandma Clemenson asked her once why she took our name and Karen explained it to her and Grandma thought that was the most practical thing ever.

We were talking about it recently and the only other name I would have ever wanted to take was Henderson, which is my Grandpa Bill’s last name. We could have done that but it would have been an expense to change everything for both of us. I also think that it would have hurt Grandma Clemenson too much.

My father did not share his family with me very often. I don’t know why. He must have his reasons and I have made peace with that. But the time I had with my grandmother, let me know she was a strong and honorable woman. She was not perfect, but she worked to get better and she loved fiercely. You didn’t have to be blood to be family and you didn’t have to be family to be loved by her. She tried so hard to honor her children, even though she knows choices she made hurt them and for that she carried her sadness, but she also cherished their success. She remembered every name and birthday. She was thankful for every day she had, which taught me to appreciate getting old, because not everyone gets to. She wore the ugly scarves I made her as a child. I made one for her and for my grandfather and because they were too small, she wore both of them. I know she loved me.

So if anyone asks, I took Grandma’s name.

I know Ms. Colvin made Grandma cry and that is another reason I hate her. Another reason, Ms. Colvin can’t have my name.

Shannon be sure to share this article with anyone you want. You have my blessing. I am feeling more freedom from my pain but I am also wondering if by telling the truth if I am freeing myself from the secrets I was told to keep. Be careful with how you all respond, I haven’t told all the stories yet. But there are good stories too…

Ms. Colvin should not write anymore letters.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

I Am Mrs. Clemenson Now

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 28, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

This time of year is always hard on me. Most recently, this is the time of year I got my cancer diagnosis and had my last fight with my father when I told him that I had cancer, instead of letting him hear it through the grapevine. This is the anniversary of when I knew I had to make the break permanent with him. I know one of my siblings will make sure that certain people will see this blog. That is what they do. They enjoy the chaos and competition of our father’s house. And I am glad to let them have it. I think part of my problem is that I haven’t found a name I want to call them. I don’t know if I want to refer to my father by his full name or more casual and I am Mrs. Clemenson now. His second wife can’t have my name. The only person I share that name with is my wife; my one and only wife. I guess my father’s second wife can be Ms. Colvin.

I still have lots of feelings about having to let some of my family go, especially my father. I am his first born. He chose his second wife over me so many times. That last fight, I am sure, was instigated by her. It was an old topic. It was stupid. But it made me choose me, because I finally knew he was never going to.

For the first time, my choice was completely about me knowing I had to choose peace over the chaos that comes with his house. I have spent a lot of my life scared because of his house. The constant competition was something that was confusing at least. It is something I am newly mourning because I am realizing that the voice of my father’s second wife and my own mother have been confused in my mind throughout my life and I am sad because I know, now, that I have held my mother accountable for things she didn’t do.

Without the chaos of them, without the constant pressure of competition that one sibling brought back to our home, with our mom, my mom and I are finding an ability to communicate like we never had before. I remember watching my mother with her friends and even telling one of her friends that I wish I knew that Joanne, and her friend understood me. But now I am getting to know her and she is my mom, and I know she likes me. I never felt that before. She was too busy and stressed out before.

She keeps saying she was a bad mom. I don’t respond because I can’t change the tape in her head; I have tried. But I know she was the best mom she could be. She needed help. There is a reason why it takes two people to make a baby. Children need lots of support and they aren’t supposed to be raised by one person alone. I know my father left her with 3 kids. I know he had quit paying the mortgage months before he left. I know he controlled all the money and he put my mom down all the time, I heard the fights on the other side of my bedroom wall. I know he was unfaithful to his marriage to my mom and to our family. I know we were on public assistance while he was taking his second wife to Disneyland every year and complaining about $600 a month for child support. I know his second wife hated my Grandpa Bill and Nana because they saved us from her abuse.

I know Ms. Colvin continued to abuse my mother when she got the chance. Because she is a bad person. There are things I have done, throughout the time I was 9 through 39, when I allowed her in my life, she didn’t understand and when she asked me why I did those things, my answer was because my mom would have done this, or my nana would have done this. Because my mom was taught to be a good mom, by her mom, my nana.

The last time I communicated with my father was in a letter. I apologized to him for my response to him, bringing up a topic that was outdated and none of his business, when I had called to tell him I had cancer. My anger was not wrong, but my words were and I felt he deserved an apology for my disrespect. I also told him I no longer wanted to be his daughter. I didn’t want to be in his will. I want nothing from him. I want no contact from him. Because he and I communicate in similar language, I expected him to respect my wishes.

A week or so after my Grandpa Bill died, I got a letter from Ms. Colvin. I didn’t read the entire letter. It was terrible. I tore it up. I did not respond.

I spent so many years trying to be a friend to Ms. Colvin. I don’t need to list any of her sins. If you know her, you know her. I do believe she encourages the worst in my father and her narcissism has attached itself accordingly.

In this part of my life, I am grateful to know what is important to me more than ever. My peace and health are paramount. Understanding that I get to choose, even when I am depressed, I get to choose, is an important tool. I get to choose people that want the best for me, people that help me choose positivity, health and joy are important. Major Depressive Disorder isn’t a death sentence or a punishment, for some of us, it is just a state of being, that we have to work through. My father used to emotionally abuse me for the entire trip from Longview to Yakima and then be angry at me because I was depressed during our visit. What a creep. Of course I don’t want to be around him. No wonder I have PTSD.

There was a trip where I had had enough and when he pulled over to get gas, I told him I was done. I wanted to call my mom and have her come get me. I wasn’t going to be abused for the whole trip again. Things changed a bit. Between my father and I, things got better but it got worse between Ms. Colvin and I. Maybe things got better because he didn’t have to pay child support for me anymore…Because money is very important to him. They must have known this day would come. They must have known that I would find my voice and I would tell the truth.

By the way, to all the people that have been told otherwise, I have paid back every loan I have ever got from my father. The last one I even paid interest on, which he didn’t ask for. When he offered to give it back to me, I told him to never talk to me about it again, because Ms. Colvin had made sure to abuse me and my nephew at the same time via text message and it was a terrible experience. They are the reason for my phone phobia.

Truth is important. Some things are harder to heal than others and I am honest with God.

I have forgiven a lot. But I have not forgotten. I still hate Ms. Colvin. My mom told me she likes the term “severe resentment.” That made me giggle a little because I know she was trying to help me feel better, when it means the same thing. I appreciate that she was not critical of me; that she understood that I talk with God about this a lot. That she knows that I am having trouble giving God my pain and not taking it back.

I’m telling my story not just for me, but for anyone else who needs to see what it looks like to learn how to choose life. It doesn’t look the same all the time. I have changed. My views and memories have changed, my hopes and aspirations and opinions have changed. There are things I have let go of and will let go of, as soon as I am able to because they don’t serve me. I am always changing. I don’t miss my father, his second wife and my two older sisters because in all their anger, nothing changes because nothing is forgiven.

I do ache for my nieces and nephews but maybe one day they will choose to remember their Auntie Summer. Not the quiet one that sat in the corner at family functions, but the one that played with them in their bedrooms and took them on adventures because that was the real me. The woman that is a good writer, a good speaker, a lover of people, even broken ones because I can empathize with people that hurt and have been left alone or hurt too much.

The people I left behind can’t possibly understand that I still love them and pray for them. That just because I don’t like them and know they are unhealthy for me, doesn’t mean I don’t want them to be happy and healthy. Mom and I were talking about that. I told her, I trust them all with God. He made them. He knows what they need and want. He can love them best because I can’t trust them…Especially you, Shannon.

I put a lot of thought into that last sentiment. I keep thinking of that time at the mall with Nana and Mom, when I was about 8 and you were about 4-years-old and you kept putting your head under that dressing doors to watch me change and no matter how I complained you kept tormenting me, until I stood on your head…You have always required me to go to extreme measures to get you to leave me alone.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

~

I Have Been Triggered

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 23, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I have been triggered. I have made blanket statement about people without asking any questions to clarify. I have been unfair to people that were mourning someone I never knew and will never understand.

I know it is my responsibility to manage myself but sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that PTSD is in play. The trauma I experienced as a child at the hands of specific people was and is real. I say is, because they are still telling people lies about me to people that have never met me. They are still abusing other people that are connected to me. I still hear about it. Even though I have removed them from my life, other people have not made that choice so there is still an inlet for their abuse unless I choose to cut off the entire Clemenson family.

Although I have my own beliefs about the message of Charlie Kirk, I do not want anyone to be murdered. I have been more vocal than I think I should have been or would have been, if his message did not remind me of how I was raised: speak hate in one room but live pretty in public. I am sorry. In a normal situation I think I would have been quieter. This is not an excuse. This is an explanation.

Right now, I’m fighting to remind myself who I am and what my strengths are while dealing with the nightmares. I oftentimes choose the side of the underdog because that is who I relate to. I empathize with the people who are misunderstood and have had things stolen from them. I have always hated a double standard because there was always that kind of presence in my family, before I was able to have my own.

I am truly ashamed if I have pushed you too far. I am trying to talk to God, deal with myself and will be able to talk with my therapist on Monday. Your prayers and good thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

To Whomever

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 21, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

To whomever is passing information onto my father’s second wife about things I post on Facebook:

I have blocked her and anyone who might be connected to her, that I know of, in order to block her abuse. If you are helping her by sharing anything about me, you are abusing me.

I have told my father I no longer want to be his daughter and I want nothing from him. This is a huge and complete statement to make. His second wife needs to leave me alone. They have abused and neglected me emotionally for most of my life and I have the right to say: Here and no further.

If they feel defensive, they should have dealt with their demons and become better parents and treated their children better. I didn’t get the worst of it. Luckily, I didn’t live in their house.

I have given up many relationships by cutting them off. This was not easy.

Three things you may share with them:

It is a moot point to tell people that have never met me to not listen to my posts; you have stabbed so many family members in the back, we have already warned the newbies about you before you walked through their door. And they are surprised at our correctness.
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Most real Clemensons are not perfect but always are trying to be better. They don’t tell people how to live because we know our imperfections and we appreciate hard work and honesty. My father and second wife have chosen to live with their demons and make everyone around them pay for them instead of seeking help. That is their choice but I must admit, I believe many times, they have been found guilty of behavior unbecoming of a Clemenson. See #1.
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I still pray for my father and his second wife. I want them to be happy and healthy and receive their heart’s desires; just without me.

If you choose to be in relationship with my father or his second wife, that is your choice. Please keep them to yourself, and if they bring me up, please ask them to keep their stories to themselves because I have removed myself from their life. I do not visit, call or write to them ever. I have paid any money I owed them, with interest. I am done.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Am Human

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 12, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Politics

I stand before you with my words in honesty. I am a human. I am not perfect and I have confessed that to you. I confess my humanity before man and my Creator daily and as often as necessary. I have not lied.

I have had a certain amount of push back on my writing as of late. I appreciate this. How can I not? I am a Jesus Follower, but I am also a United States citizen, a woman, a fat woman, a disabled woman, a queer woman, an artist and I should know my place. But I am telling you as a true Jesus Follower, I know my place as a person that is one with Christ, who has been given many gifts and it my duty to use them. I am grateful and responsible to Christ first. Not you or your man made ideas or idols. Believe me, I want there to be only love in my words, but sometimes there is just truth.

I am praying for Charlie Kirk’s family and I am praying for children that go to schools that have and will suffer shootings. I am praying for immigrants that need asylum, for nations at war and ones that will be at war. I’m praying for mercy for us all because we don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. I’m not perfect but God knows I will bring my burdens and failures before Him and we will sort them out and He will show me how to grow and let go of what is useless. I hope you can be this blessed.

For you that have made a man, that is not your Creator, your idol, or politics, or money, or your rights, or your power, or your beliefs, or anything bigger than your higher power, your idol, please consider repentance. Anything that comes between you and God is an idol and will be your downfall, our downfall. Because we are all connected.

So many people set this one man on a pedestal. Saying he was opening up communication, yet while he spoke many beautiful words, he also slid in many hateful words. Maybe not quite openly. These people forgave him quickly, saying, we all have a right to our opinions, but what he really was doing was sowing seeds of hate into soil that was ready made by years of oppression within our government and churches. Did he ever confess his sins to you, as I have?

Yet every person who has questioned me, was not willing to say I have a right to my opinion. Is it because as a christian woman, I should know my place?

I tell you, as a Jesus Follower, I know my place.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Became Very Honest

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 9, 2025 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Opinions

My mother and I are getting to know each other again and she sent me a message, last night, that said she was hoping I would get free of my symptoms so we could go out again. Yesterday I was hit with a flare in the middle of the day, while out living life and had reached home, where I was trying to relax. I was also feeling a bit snarky. So I became very honest:

She didn’t respond. I’m sure she didn’t say anything because she doesn’t know what to say. It must be hard to hear her child, even though I am an adult, say these things.

It reminded me of a moment with one of my friends. She had stopped by to give me something. We were chatting in the parking lot and I was hurting. I wasn’t even thinking about it, but while we were talking, I was stretching certain parts of me. She finally mentioned that I was obviously in a lot of pain and she seemed surprised that I wasn’t even trying to hide it. It had never occurred to me hide it. I was talking to my friend and I live in chronic pain. These are two things I don’t have to hide. Myself from my friend or my pain from the world.

There is no shame in being in chronic pain or being chronically ill. God made me this way. I deal with it the best way I can but there is no reason to hide it and stretching is part of how I stay flexible and increase blood flow to joints and nerves that are screaming at me.

This is part of being honest. Something society has taught us to suppress. Our humanity is not wrong. How we choose to use it might be, but choosing healthy ways to handle pain, whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is never wrong. It might be a shock to someone who has never seen it before, but I am ok with that. I am not here to try to change anyone but if I show you something that awakens something honest in you, I hope it helps you.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Being Brave is Like Breathing

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 8, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have never felt more confident in God or connected to Him in my life than I do now. Being brave is almost like breathing. Being who I am has never been less complicated than now. I don’t know what changed but I don’t feel like competing with anyone anymore, even myself. I do what I can with the effort I have energy for and I am grateful.

I have always known I was put on this earth for something special. I have known that I have been here before and I have a special task which is why I can ask God to teach me how to do something and I will have a dream about it and wake up with new knowledge. It has never occurred to me to not ask Him for the simplest of things, even in picking out a melon at the grocery store.

I will never forget a time I was at the store, right after church. I had just asked God which cantaloupe to buy and one had glowed so I put it in my cart. Someone from church saw me and asked me how to pick a good melon. I told her my method and she gave me the oddest look and walked away. I could not comprehend her response. We had both just left church.

But a few years later, when I was 20 years old, I finally heard God’s voice. He told me it was time to leave. He told me they had taught me all they could teach me. So I left. 10 or so years later, I visited. I had grown far beyond where I had been spiritually, but they were giving the same sermon I had heard back then. This church didn’t really encourage spiritual growth, they encouraged spiritual dependence, but not on God, on human dogma. Just like we see in our society and politics.

Our Creator made us to be curious, powerful and confident in Him. He empowered us to be successful in every situation. Society has put up walls to make us believe we are smaller than we are. If Jesus lives in us, we are priests and royalty, just like Him. We have to live up to that. He will help us if we are willing to live this way.

Image Credit: Casey Horner

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

The Adventures in Finding Out You Still Might Have Cancer

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 2, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I am tired. Even my gynecological oncologist saw that in me. Since October of 2022 I have had an IUD and been on megestrol and had D&Cs every 3-6 months to treat and biopsy the cancer in the endometrial lining of my uterus. We had been doing this, hoping I could lose the weight I need to make a hysterectomy safer for me, but since megestrol causes weight gain, it has been impossible for me, even with the help of mounjaro, which I took for a year. So there came a point in the adventures in finding out you still might have cancer, that my doctor suggested we try radiation to kill the cancer and be done with it.

3 days after my one and only radiation treatment, I was in the hospital with blood clots in both lungs. Megestrol also causes blood clots. This was my second time almost dying. I will not take this drug anymore. So my doctor scheduled imaging. She wanted more information to help her make the next decision.

On August 12, 2025 at 3:45 pm I had an MRI. It was fine. I have learned to focus on the ceiling, if I can see it. For a few seconds, I could even see a tree outside the window. I try to see as far outside the tight fitting tube as possible. I could barely move but at least I could scratch my nose and touch my face when I felt a power surge on the left side. The energy of the MRI triggered my trigeminal neuralgia. After 40-some minutes I was exhausted. I counted to 20, I don’t know how many times. The triangle shaped pillow they put under my knees, was made for a smaller person than me so I had been holding up my right leg in one place for some time and I got a cramp. My back was killing me from the hard and very flat surface I had been laying on.

The pain was not any better the next week. The stress of the MRI had caused a fibromyalgia flare.

This is a post I made on Facebook on the morning after my PET scan on August 18, 2025

The goal if the imaging was to see if we could find out if the one round of radiation had killed off the endometrial cancer. The night of August 26th, I could hardly sleep. I was so anxious to hear what my doctor had to say.

When Karen G Clemenson and I got there, I was happy to learn that I had lost 4 lbs since my last doctor appointment. Being off the megestrol was making it easier for me to lose weight, which is necessary for me to get the hysterectomy I need; especially due to where I carry my weight. The medical technician asked me about pain and I let her know that I had been suffering with severe burning pain in my vagina off and on, since I had had the radiation treatment. At that time, my pain was a 5. I had tried several things to help with the pain, but it was not going away.

When Dr Westhoff came in, she had me prepare for an exam. She was concerned about my pain. During the exam, she said that I looked healthy. Later I got results back that said everything was normal. At the time of the our meeting, she prescribed a low dose steroid suppository and told me to keep using coconut oil twice per day. Then it was time to talk about my imaging results.

What I had hoped for was not going to happen. My imaging results were inconclusive. They could not tell from the imaging whether I still had cancer or if the tissue was scar tissue from the many D&Cs I have had. Dr Dryer, my radiologist, wanted to stop with the brachytherapy and continue with radiation from the outside of my body. Dr Westhoff said that would make my abdomen more inflamed for further procedures. I personally did not think that radiation was a good experience and I don’t want to continue with it.

I want to continue to lose weight and have the hysterectomy. I feel this is the safest option for me. So in a few weeks I will see Dr Westhoff again. She wants to see how I am doing with weight loss and we will plan to put the IUD in so that we are doing something to control my hormones because I am refusing to take megestrol.

While I have been on this journey, my stomach has shrunk and I am eating smaller meals. I am focusing on getting more potassium in my meals because it is helping keep my trigeminal neuralgia under control and foods high in potassium like: avocados, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and sweet potatoes and yummy.

Tired really isn’t the word. And this isn’t the adventure I want to be having. But I am really thankful for the people God put beside me. I don’t know what I would do without Karen and Jamie Holloway and everyone that is praying for me.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Have Been Writing My Story

by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 25, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I have been writing my story over the years. I have written a lot about family drama in my life, I have dealt more with my mother than my father because I lived with her. She was easier to reach and to blame. Even though she wasn’t perfect, I always knew she was giving her all, with little to no support, to raise 3 very strong, independent and individual women. She did not have it easy. But she loved us. Always.

I tried to read The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and I had to stop. It was too much. Now I’m reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown and we are in a part of the book that describes the power of writing your story, what I have been doing for years. While reading this, I am proud of myself because my writing has become more of ownership than blame, however I am having dreams and visions of my father and his second wife; even if she is not in the view, she is present because she is in charge.

I know regardless of whether or not, they fell for each other on purpose, my father’s second wife, knew he was married with three young children when she met him. I can’t get over this. I have not been able to forgive this. True, my father is the one that promised before God and our family that he would be faithful to my mother and he is the one that broke that vow, and every vow he ever made to me before he left us. But any true respectable lady would have stayed away from a married man with children, at least until the divorce was final, and then she would have supported his relationship with his children, even if she hated their mother. But instead, she bedded him, moved him right in, and when they got married at the courthouse, they didn’t include us, but she told us that her relationship with my father and his relationship with her would be paramount to everything; and so it was. She looked me right in the eyes as she said it.

I tried so hard to be good enough but I never was. I have both witnessed and have heard of the unloving, abusive and sometimes illegal things my father and his second wife have done. They always show a good face and sometimes there was even some love felt but…What I came to realize is that the traumatic experiences they have lived with in their past, that they refuse to get help with, leaks out sometimes and makes them unsafe for people who have chosen a gentle life instead of one with rage and abuse. There is no other resolution than to walk away.

I was awakened the other day by my father’s voice saying my name. I checked with one of my siblings. He is well. I am glad and I still pray for him and even his second wife; but I don’t see a way for reconciliation.

I am responsible for leaving. It was my choice. I used to feel pain about it. But since I have been talking with my mom and my sister, I realize, even though I had to walk away to find me, I only had to stay away from the unhealthy relationships. My mom and sister and I are getting to know each other as grown ups and it is nice. I don’t think my father, his second wife, or even my other two siblings can let the past go, or let me be my true self without more abuse. I also know my limitations and maybe I can’t be my best self with them. It’s ok to let people go, in love. I still pray for them when they are on my heart. I want them to have their heart’s desires, just without me.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

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Oh BTW I beat cancer!

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Learning Who I Am

Growth Is Good

Society is in Pain

But for a lot of people my message illustrated 2 things for me:

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Three things you may share with them:

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