I Have Been Triggered

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 23, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I have been triggered. I have made blanket statement about people without asking any questions to clarify. I have been unfair to people that were mourning someone I never knew and will never understand.

I know it is my responsibility to manage myself but sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that PTSD is in play. The trauma I experienced as a child at the hands of specific people was and is real. I say is, because they are still telling people lies about me to people that have never met me. They are still abusing other people that are connected to me. I still hear about it. Even though I have removed them from my life, other people have not made that choice so there is still an inlet for their abuse unless I choose to cut off the entire Clemenson family.

Although I have my own beliefs about the message of Charlie Kirk, I do not want anyone to be murdered. I have been more vocal than I think I should have been or would have been, if his message did not remind me of how I was raised: speak hate in one room but live pretty in public. I am sorry. In a normal situation I think I would have been quieter. This is not an excuse. This is an explanation.

Right now, I’m fighting to remind myself who I am and what my strengths are while dealing with the nightmares. I oftentimes choose the side of the underdog because that is who I relate to. I empathize with the people who are misunderstood and have had things stolen from them. I have always hated a double standard because there was always that kind of presence in my family, before I was able to have my own.

I am truly ashamed if I have pushed you too far. I am trying to talk to God, deal with myself and will be able to talk with my therapist on Monday. Your prayers and good thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

To Whomever

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 21, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

To whomever is passing information onto my father’s second wife about things I post on Facebook:

I have blocked her and anyone who might be connected to her, that I know of, in order to block her abuse. If you are helping her by sharing anything about me, you are abusing me.

I have told my father I no longer want to be his daughter and I want nothing from him. This is a huge and complete statement to make. His second wife needs to leave me alone. They have abused and neglected me emotionally for most of my life and I have the right to say: Here and no further.

If they feel defensive, they should have dealt with their demons and become better parents and treated their children better. I didn’t get the worst of it. Luckily, I didn’t live in their house.

I have given up many relationships by cutting them off. This was not easy.

Three things you may share with them:

It is a moot point to tell people that have never met me to not listen to my posts; you have stabbed so many family members in the back, we have already warned the newbies about you before you walked through their door. And they are surprised at our correctness.
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Most real Clemensons are not perfect but always are trying to be better. They don’t tell people how to live because we know our imperfections and we appreciate hard work and honesty. My father and second wife have chosen to live with their demons and make everyone around them pay for them instead of seeking help. That is their choice but I must admit, I believe many times, they have been found guilty of behavior unbecoming of a Clemenson. See #1.
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I still pray for my father and his second wife. I want them to be happy and healthy and receive their heart’s desires; just without me.

If you choose to be in relationship with my father or his second wife, that is your choice. Please keep them to yourself, and if they bring me up, please ask them to keep their stories to themselves because I have removed myself from their life. I do not visit, call or write to them ever. I have paid any money I owed them, with interest. I am done.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Am Human

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 12, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Politics

I stand before you with my words in honesty. I am a human. I am not perfect and I have confessed that to you. I confess my humanity before man and my Creator daily and as often as necessary. I have not lied.

I have had a certain amount of push back on my writing as of late. I appreciate this. How can I not? I am a Jesus Follower, but I am also a United States citizen, a woman, a fat woman, a disabled woman, a queer woman, an artist and I should know my place. But I am telling you as a true Jesus Follower, I know my place as a person that is one with Christ, who has been given many gifts and it my duty to use them. I am grateful and responsible to Christ first. Not you or your man made ideas or idols. Believe me, I want there to be only love in my words, but sometimes there is just truth.

I am praying for Charlie Kirk’s family and I am praying for children that go to schools that have and will suffer shootings. I am praying for immigrants that need asylum, for nations at war and ones that will be at war. I’m praying for mercy for us all because we don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. I’m not perfect but God knows I will bring my burdens and failures before Him and we will sort them out and He will show me how to grow and let go of what is useless. I hope you can be this blessed.

For you that have made a man, that is not your Creator, your idol, or politics, or money, or your rights, or your power, or your beliefs, or anything bigger than your higher power, your idol, please consider repentance. Anything that comes between you and God is an idol and will be your downfall, our downfall. Because we are all connected.

So many people set this one man on a pedestal. Saying he was opening up communication, yet while he spoke many beautiful words, he also slid in many hateful words. Maybe not quite openly. These people forgave him quickly, saying, we all have a right to our opinions, but what he really was doing was sowing seeds of hate into soil that was ready made by years of oppression within our government and churches. Did he ever confess his sins to you, as I have?

Yet every person who has questioned me, was not willing to say I have a right to my opinion. Is it because as a christian woman, I should know my place?

I tell you, as a Jesus Follower, I know my place.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Became Very Honest

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 9, 2025 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Opinions

My mother and I are getting to know each other again and she sent me a message, last night, that said she was hoping I would get free of my symptoms so we could go out again. Yesterday I was hit with a flare in the middle of the day, while out living life and had reached home, where I was trying to relax. I was also feeling a bit snarky. So I became very honest:

She didn’t respond. I’m sure she didn’t say anything because she doesn’t know what to say. It must be hard to hear her child, even though I am an adult, say these things.

It reminded me of a moment with one of my friends. She had stopped by to give me something. We were chatting in the parking lot and I was hurting. I wasn’t even thinking about it, but while we were talking, I was stretching certain parts of me. She finally mentioned that I was obviously in a lot of pain and she seemed surprised that I wasn’t even trying to hide it. It had never occurred to me hide it. I was talking to my friend and I live in chronic pain. These are two things I don’t have to hide. Myself from my friend or my pain from the world.

There is no shame in being in chronic pain or being chronically ill. God made me this way. I deal with it the best way I can but there is no reason to hide it and stretching is part of how I stay flexible and increase blood flow to joints and nerves that are screaming at me.

This is part of being honest. Something society has taught us to suppress. Our humanity is not wrong. How we choose to use it might be, but choosing healthy ways to handle pain, whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is never wrong. It might be a shock to someone who has never seen it before, but I am ok with that. I am not here to try to change anyone but if I show you something that awakens something honest in you, I hope it helps you.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Being Brave is Like Breathing

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 8, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have never felt more confident in God or connected to Him in my life than I do now. Being brave is almost like breathing. Being who I am has never been less complicated than now. I don’t know what changed but I don’t feel like competing with anyone anymore, even myself. I do what I can with the effort I have energy for and I am grateful.

I have always known I was put on this earth for something special. I have known that I have been here before and I have a special task which is why I can ask God to teach me how to do something and I will have a dream about it and wake up with new knowledge. It has never occurred to me to not ask Him for the simplest of things, even in picking out a melon at the grocery store.

I will never forget a time I was at the store, right after church. I had just asked God which cantaloupe to buy and one had glowed so I put it in my cart. Someone from church saw me and asked me how to pick a good melon. I told her my method and she gave me the oddest look and walked away. I could not comprehend her response. We had both just left church.

But a few years later, when I was 20 years old, I finally heard God’s voice. He told me it was time to leave. He told me they had taught me all they could teach me. So I left. 10 or so years later, I visited. I had grown far beyond where I had been spiritually, but they were giving the same sermon I had heard back then. This church didn’t really encourage spiritual growth, they encouraged spiritual dependence, but not on God, on human dogma. Just like we see in our society and politics.

Our Creator made us to be curious, powerful and confident in Him. He empowered us to be successful in every situation. Society has put up walls to make us believe we are smaller than we are. If Jesus lives in us, we are priests and royalty, just like Him. We have to live up to that. He will help us if we are willing to live this way.

Image Credit: Casey Horner

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

The Adventures in Finding Out You Still Might Have Cancer

by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 2, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I am tired. Even my gynecological oncologist saw that in me. Since October of 2022 I have had an IUD and been on megestrol and had D&Cs every 3-6 months to treat and biopsy the cancer in the endometrial lining of my uterus. We had been doing this, hoping I could lose the weight I need to make a hysterectomy safer for me, but since megestrol causes weight gain, it has been impossible for me, even with the help of mounjaro, which I took for a year. So there came a point in the adventures in finding out you still might have cancer, that my doctor suggested we try radiation to kill the cancer and be done with it.

3 days after my one and only radiation treatment, I was in the hospital with blood clots in both lungs. Megestrol also causes blood clots. This was my second time almost dying. I will not take this drug anymore. So my doctor scheduled imaging. She wanted more information to help her make the next decision.

On August 12, 2025 at 3:45 pm I had an MRI. It was fine. I have learned to focus on the ceiling, if I can see it. For a few seconds, I could even see a tree outside the window. I try to see as far outside the tight fitting tube as possible. I could barely move but at least I could scratch my nose and touch my face when I felt a power surge on the left side. The energy of the MRI triggered my trigeminal neuralgia. After 40-some minutes I was exhausted. I counted to 20, I don’t know how many times. The triangle shaped pillow they put under my knees, was made for a smaller person than me so I had been holding up my right leg in one place for some time and I got a cramp. My back was killing me from the hard and very flat surface I had been laying on.

The pain was not any better the next week. The stress of the MRI had caused a fibromyalgia flare.

This is a post I made on Facebook on the morning after my PET scan on August 18, 2025

The goal if the imaging was to see if we could find out if the one round of radiation had killed off the endometrial cancer. The night of August 26th, I could hardly sleep. I was so anxious to hear what my doctor had to say.

When Karen G Clemenson and I got there, I was happy to learn that I had lost 4 lbs since my last doctor appointment. Being off the megestrol was making it easier for me to lose weight, which is necessary for me to get the hysterectomy I need; especially due to where I carry my weight. The medical technician asked me about pain and I let her know that I had been suffering with severe burning pain in my vagina off and on, since I had had the radiation treatment. At that time, my pain was a 5. I had tried several things to help with the pain, but it was not going away.

When Dr Westhoff came in, she had me prepare for an exam. She was concerned about my pain. During the exam, she said that I looked healthy. Later I got results back that said everything was normal. At the time of the our meeting, she prescribed a low dose steroid suppository and told me to keep using coconut oil twice per day. Then it was time to talk about my imaging results.

What I had hoped for was not going to happen. My imaging results were inconclusive. They could not tell from the imaging whether I still had cancer or if the tissue was scar tissue from the many D&Cs I have had. Dr Dryer, my radiologist, wanted to stop with the brachytherapy and continue with radiation from the outside of my body. Dr Westhoff said that would make my abdomen more inflamed for further procedures. I personally did not think that radiation was a good experience and I don’t want to continue with it.

I want to continue to lose weight and have the hysterectomy. I feel this is the safest option for me. So in a few weeks I will see Dr Westhoff again. She wants to see how I am doing with weight loss and we will plan to put the IUD in so that we are doing something to control my hormones because I am refusing to take megestrol.

While I have been on this journey, my stomach has shrunk and I am eating smaller meals. I am focusing on getting more potassium in my meals because it is helping keep my trigeminal neuralgia under control and foods high in potassium like: avocados, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and sweet potatoes and yummy.

Tired really isn’t the word. And this isn’t the adventure I want to be having. But I am really thankful for the people God put beside me. I don’t know what I would do without Karen and Jamie Holloway and everyone that is praying for me.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Have Been Writing My Story

by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 25, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

I have been writing my story over the years. I have written a lot about family drama in my life, I have dealt more with my mother than my father because I lived with her. She was easier to reach and to blame. Even though she wasn’t perfect, I always knew she was giving her all, with little to no support, to raise 3 very strong, independent and individual women. She did not have it easy. But she loved us. Always.

I tried to read The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and I had to stop. It was too much. Now I’m reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown and we are in a part of the book that describes the power of writing your story, what I have been doing for years. While reading this, I am proud of myself because my writing has become more of ownership than blame, however I am having dreams and visions of my father and his second wife; even if she is not in the view, she is present because she is in charge.

I know regardless of whether or not, they fell for each other on purpose, my father’s second wife, knew he was married with three young children when she met him. I can’t get over this. I have not been able to forgive this. True, my father is the one that promised before God and our family that he would be faithful to my mother and he is the one that broke that vow, and every vow he ever made to me before he left us. But any true respectable lady would have stayed away from a married man with children, at least until the divorce was final, and then she would have supported his relationship with his children, even if she hated their mother. But instead, she bedded him, moved him right in, and when they got married at the courthouse, they didn’t include us, but she told us that her relationship with my father and his relationship with her would be paramount to everything; and so it was. She looked me right in the eyes as she said it.

I tried so hard to be good enough but I never was. I have both witnessed and have heard of the unloving, abusive and sometimes illegal things my father and his second wife have done. They always show a good face and sometimes there was even some love felt but…What I came to realize is that the traumatic experiences they have lived with in their past, that they refuse to get help with, leaks out sometimes and makes them unsafe for people who have chosen a gentle life instead of one with rage and abuse. There is no other resolution than to walk away.

I was awakened the other day by my father’s voice saying my name. I checked with one of my siblings. He is well. I am glad and I still pray for him and even his second wife; but I don’t see a way for reconciliation.

I am responsible for leaving. It was my choice. I used to feel pain about it. But since I have been talking with my mom and my sister, I realize, even though I had to walk away to find me, I only had to stay away from the unhealthy relationships. My mom and sister and I are getting to know each other as grown ups and it is nice. I don’t think my father, his second wife, or even my other two siblings can let the past go, or let me be my true self without more abuse. I also know my limitations and maybe I can’t be my best self with them. It’s ok to let people go, in love. I still pray for them when they are on my heart. I want them to have their heart’s desires, just without me.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Karen G Clemenson Talks A Lot

by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 24, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions

Karen G Clemenson talks a lot. If you know her, you may already know this. She comes and goes a lot too. With three jobs she runs in the door for a quick lunch, stops in to change clothes, turns in for dinner and might even change clothes again for another shift, all in one day sometimes. Usually, thankfully, she only works two jobs on the same day, but you get the idea. On her pit stops she downloads everything she has gone through, plans to go through, wants to go through and we might talk about world news or something we read about.

There are a lot of names and concerns she shares with me. She also likes to tell me, in great detail, exactly what she thinks is going to happen, up until she gets to come home. She talks fast because she is on a time crunch and she is super excited! At some point I can’t comprehend what she is dumping on me and it shows. She mistakenly thinks I don’t care.

It isn’t that I don’t care. I probably have not met any of these people; if I have, it has been very quick and not long enough to get them in my long term memory (my short term memory is terrible), or worse it has only been on Facebook which means I might know their name and about their family but I can’t pick them out in a crowd. Also she is talking like a teenage girl! Who can take all that in? It is too much information in too short of time, my brain can’t handle that much data. Plus she is always late and oftentimes something changes so I don’t need a play by play. Karen will be home when she is home.

In our house, I am slow and steady wins the race. My movements are measured because of chronic pain and I try to stay laid back because when you have anxiety disorder, you don’t need a trigger. I like calm. My wife thinks she likes calm, but she is a jack rabbit with one leg pounding until it is too tired to move and even in her sleep, it sometimes starts pounding. She needs my calm because she doesn’t need any criticism because the tapes in her head, that we haven’t been able to break yet, are more than enough. I guess that is some of why we work.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

It is Time to Find a Church Family

by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 23, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Queer Community

I feel like it is time to find a church family.

I left the church when I was 25 by accident, however, it turned into a purposeful walk with the Lord, where I learned amazing things. I had been so distracted in church, it was often hard to hear Him. Later, I had learned that I enjoyed my time with just Jesus, more than corporate religion. My accidental fellowship and my conversations with my believing friends was enough to sustain my need for fellowship, along with my relationship with my Savior. Eventually, I began visiting churches, however, many times, I was disgusted by the lust, pride, and greed that was easy to see at the churches I had visited, so I stayed in my lane.

Now I find myself ready for more fellowship. But in some of my attempts to find a church family, I was uncomfortable at non-affirming churches. Although I know God has never left or forsaken me, and He has ordained me, feeling the fear of others, makes me sad. This week I sent messages to 7 different churches, mostly nondenominational, because I am not a traditional person, and a few I have gone to in the past.

So far, I have heard back from 2 1/2…meaning one said they are definitely not affirming. One said they want to talk to me about it over coffee. And one church was super excited to invite Karen G Clemenson and I to their affirming church; First Christian Church of Longview’s service starts at 11 am, but coffee is served at 10:30.

It is super hot this weekend, so we plan to visit next weekend.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Wade In The Water

by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 5, 2025 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I recently have begun looking for old songs that have called to me throughout my life. I hummed a tune to Karen and she immediately began singing “Wade in the Water,” which, with a very small amount of research, I learned is an Underground Railroad Hymn. It was used to communicate how to travel from slavery to freedom.

These words tell people to make sure to stay off the path and get into the water because the slave hunter’s dogs couldn’t smell their scent when they went into the water and the rivers led to salvation. Wading also implies defiance. Unlike swimming or floating, you must push against the water and current to wade in the water; it is work to stay steady in the mud and rock and grasses.

Although my ancestors came from Europe and Canada, I have always seen a beauty and connection to Native American and Black culture. I feel connection with trees and tall grasses in the wind. I love to feel leaves, as though we are talking. Worshiping with Jerry Chapman, a local Native Pastor, showed me the beauty of drums and how we are all connected. In my 20’s I learned so many lessons about how I was made to understand more than one realm. Through nature God shows us that we are all one. Because He made the first man and breathed His breath into him and humanity was created.

I don’t need to read or listen to the news to know a catastrophe has happened. I can feel it. When I was a child, I would see things and have dreams that scared me. But as an adult, with the bible and more experienced teachers, I learned how to pray about these things, limit spiritual attack, and now I am learning to rest.

Recently someone sent me a short video of a white woman. Her message was that people make groups to divide us: Queer/Straight, Black/White, Disabled/Able-Bodied…and we just need to love everyone. Tee Hee (I am sorry that is what I heard in my head…and I know it is judgmental and not fair)

My problem with straight, white, healthy women telling me to just love everyone, is not that I don’t agree, or that I don’t think she might not be sincere, but she, or someone like her, has been saying something like that for a long time, while straight, white, healthy men keep making laws that make it harder for queer, or disabled, or people of color, or women to live their lives the way they want. God made free will for everyone, not just white men. I know not all white women support some of the terror in the world, not all white men are terrorist, and what I am saying might sound unfair. It is.

My black, queer, disabled family would like to invite you to research what other black families still are living with. Maybe read about what queer communities have to deal with. Have you read about some of the issues disabled people face? Yes we do need to love each other but we also need to know each other.

I think “Wade in the Water” is a universal song. We are still struggling and everyone struggles. We are all needing salvation.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

We Are Not Friends

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 31, 2025 | About Summer, Wellness

I blocked someone today. I don’t block many people but I blocked this person because they keep sending me friend requests and the reason we are not friends, after 3 decades, is that they chose to break off our friendship. They had done this a number of times. They had also re-engaged with me when they missed me again because I allowed it.

Over many years I allowed a co-dependent relationship. I forgave being judged wrongly many times. I overlooked bad behavior. I carried them a lot. I failed a lot too because this relationship was toxic. Two mentally ill people can really make a mess with each other’s hearts and minds, even when they have good intentions.

There are many good memories between us but there is also pain and abuse.

A few years ago, as I was getting healthier, I was seeing some imbalances and wanted growth. I felt that I was carrying more than my share. When I brought this up, I expected a grownup conversation but that wasn’t what I got. This was to be our last conversation. It will remain our last conversation because I realized we did not want the same thing and that is ok.

It is ok to let people go that we can’t grow with. It’s okay to set boundaries for yourself. I pray for this person when they are on my heart and I always will but I am done being abused.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Sometimes Healing is Harder Than It Has Been Before

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 30, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Wellness

Healing is hard. I have said this before. Sometimes healing is harder than it has been before. Sometimes it takes us deeper than we have ever been before. Lower than we have wanted to go before. Lower than blue. The shade I call minor depression. Because I don’t just feel my own pain. I am susceptible to the world’s pain and even if I don’t look at it on my phone or TV or read it, I know the seething, shaking, and moaning that is inside me, is not just my own.

If I didn’t have God, if He wasn’t here to help me bear this and take it from me when I am ready to let it go, I don’t know how I would handle it because my go-to people have their own burdens. But even if the wars didn’t war and the fires didn’t burn and the weather didn’t tear down people’s homes, there is my body.

This body. I have learned that she needs love and never criticism, but sometimes it is hard. When she hurts, when she is hungry, when she has been fed. When she is tired, when she has slept and when she hasn’t. When I have to decide it is time to push her and then she bursts into tears.

I haven’t been writing off of Facebook for months now and I opened my laptop to find writing from May…half finished and notes in notebooks strewn on the desk from somewhere between then and now and the strong part of me wants to laugh and the part of me that has trouble reading my scribbles is still crying for the dead children in Gaza and Texas.

But this is who I am: A passionate profit that writes and prays, sings and sleeps, cooks and creates, dreams and does what she can every day…

So I will drink my water and try to find the rest of my notes and try to breathe because I am trying to put myself back together again because the dermatologist said the rash that healed last week, even though it took months to get in to to see her, was eczema, and I refuse to put steroid cream on my face, so I will keep using my oils, and my oncologist has scheduled my imaging for the 12th, and I hope to be closer to feeling like myself before we do brachytherapy, when I will probably fall apart again.

PS: I have been using Mega Salve from Crafty Works on my face as well as Breathe by doTERRA

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Have Built Muscle

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 25, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Wellness

I don’t do a lot of cardio because too much causes my fibromyalgia to flare up. I especially have not been overly active this month because of the blood clot scare and having to take time to let my lungs, heart and liver heal, following this episode. I do, however, do an anaerobic workout most days. Anaerobic exercise is not cardio but focuses on strength training and stretching and over a long period of time I have built muscle. This is important because lean muscle mass burns fat.

It is also important because it makes me stronger. Even in the hospital, with blood clots, I surprised nurses and staff with my ability to help them, help me. It also came in handy yesterday

I don’t have as much endurance as I would like. I operate best at temperatures between 40-70 degrees. Any lower and my joints start to freeze up. Any higher and my joints feel better, but my body gets sick. Factor in that I am still healing from my blood clot episode and maybe even the one brachytherapy treatment (according to my oncologist) and it was 83 degrees while we waited for the tow truck, it was no shock to me that I could hear my blood pressure in my ears, which is usually perfect. Climbing into the tow truck was not something I could do without help.

But I am proud of Karen G Clemenson and I because we did it together. She has been lifting and she is stronger and I am stronger. I have also lost over 50 lbs. A few years ago when I needed help into the tow truck, it took both her and the tow truck driver, which was humiliating to me.

Even though I am still on the mend, I am going to add a few squats to my daily routine. Karen said 5 is a good place to start. I am hurting today so I agree, I don’t want to go too far, but I need to keep getting stronger and building my endurance. When you live with chronic pain you have to be patient with yourself but you make goals and see success.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Healing is Hard

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 23, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I am so tired. Healing is hard. To quote Jamie Holloway, it is brutal, slow and exhausting. It takes time. It takes as long as it takes and no doctor can really know how long it will take you, especially if you are chronic because you already have things going on inside your body that count against you. When I post about what I am going through, I am sharing because I know that there are people reading my posts that are inspired. I am not trying to complain. I try hard not to complain. In fact there is a lot I don’t talk about, ever, even to myself. I might not even realize how much pain I am in, until I try to climb into bed and eventually have to get back up again to cover myself with Deep Blue Stick so enough of the edge will come down so I can fall asleep. (Learn more about Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils)

But I cried today when I spoke with my oncologist. She is excited to start back up with the radiation treatments. I asked her if it was safe, even though I still get out of breath easy and I feel like I am being pushed down. She told me it would be fine. I told her I was scared. I told her people think I am strong but it’s just an act right now. I don’t think I am ready to be brave yet. I just got to where I feel like I can stand. I have not really started walking like I normally do. She is excited about the injections we can switch to for my blood thinner while we do the radiation. She talked about Megestrol and wanting me back on it.

And I said no.

Megestrol causes blood clots. I am not back from where I was before my last episode. She agreed I almost died. She is the first person to admit that to me. I don’t understand why she would be excited to put me back on that drug. It has happened twice now. But besides that, I can feel full now. I am not hungry all the time. I feel the shape of my body changing and that is what I told her. I know I am losing weight because I don’t feel like I need to eat all the time. So now we are talking about putting the UTI back in. Both treatments were hormonal treatments to help kill the cancer, the UTI also stopped me from having periods and after not having them for 3 years, I remember why I hated them.

We decided to do more imaging. There is a chance the one brachytherapy killed most or all of my cancer. This also gives me more time to get my footing right.

My personal battle is just that, but really it is not the first thing on my mind, after I take care of my family. My heart is heavy because there is so much happening in the world, actually there is so much happening in the United States that I haven’t really focused outside of the US in a while. So many natural disasters where people are being misplaced. So many people being hurt by our government that is ignoring our rights. I knew our government was corrupt but it seems like a mirror has been placed in front of all our faces and no one is without sin. I am so exhausted by the sickness I see every day.

But I am aware of the pain outside our borders. I have family in the military. My heart and prayers are with them.

I choose God multiple times a day. My prayers are simple because I am overwhelmed and I hardly know what words to use, other than, “Please help me give this to You. Please help. Thank You that You are with them and You love us. Please give us more mercy and grace.” These are the things I say because I don’t what else to say. And I am thankful He knows my prayers before I say them. Amen

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Different Parts of My Medical Team

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 22, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I have several meetings this week with different parts of my medical team. I met with my psychiatrist today. He manages my mood stabilizers. I don’t have a personality disorder, so these meds would not be technically called mood stabilizers but that is what they do for me, so that is what I call them. I asked him if we needed to change my Fluvoxamine due to possible bleeding issues, if it became necessary. He said we could, but there would be withdrawals. Since I have been taking this medication for several years without an issue, he doesn’t think it should be anything to start worrying about now.

I also met with, Dr Dong, my hematologist today. She said she didn’t find any hereditary signs in my labs to explain my blood clotting issues, even though I told her that I found out that my Grandma Clemenson and her father, and my father’s brother have had blood clots. She said it is normal that it is taking so long for my lungs to heal. Because of the past damage from having pneumonia and bronchitis so many times when I was younger, having COVID twice…and this being my second time with blood clots. Each time I have new damage it takes longer to bounce back. My lungs and heart and liver are still healing.

I needed to hear that reassurance. I feel like I am failing. I still get out of breath easily. I had gone a few years without needing my cane and now I need it all the time because I often feel like I am being pushed down.

When it is time to start up the brachytherapy, Dr Dong will switch me to an injectable blood thinner, Lovenox. When we are done with cancer, I will be able to go down to the low dose Eliquis I was taking before we started the radiation treatment. It seems this will be something I always need. I am trying to accept this.

I meet with my oncologist tomorrow so I will know more about when I start the cancer treatments again.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

You Should Always Read Your Test Results

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 13, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Food

You should always read your test results, especially if you are chronic. While preparing for radiation, I was having weekly labs, which showed me that I have low potassium one week and then, I was normal. I take a water pill daily and a potassium supplement because when you take a water pill, sometimes you eliminate important nutrients like potassium. But I also tend to crave an occasional pickle, potato or banana; these foods are high in potassium. Sometimes I get leg cramps, a sign of low minerals and I drink an unsweetened coconut water and I feel better.

It was good that I knew this because when I met my newest specialist, a hematologist, she asked me about my potassium levels and I had an answer.

I learned about paying attention to these things when I found out I had a tendency to become anemic. This is normal for someone with psoriatic arthritis. But it isn’t hard to maintain, usually. I try to have some beef a couple times a month. I eat one meal with meat (fish and poultry are fine) in it every day. I also love farm fresh eggs, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, spinach, cabbage, to just name a few of my favorite high in iron vegetables.

You can always google to look for the nutrients you are needing more of to add to your diet. Supplements are fine, but eating a well rounded diet is more satisfying and filling and also helps eliminate some of those unhealthy cravings that don’t help us reach our goals.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Needed To Learn How To Make Me Important

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 11, 2025 | About Summer

I had to let my extended family go. For me. I needed to learn how to make me important. I needed to learn how to listen to myself and take care of me, I needed to learn how to set boundaries and keep them for me. There was a lot of unhealthy habits between me and every individual in my extended family. I needed them to be self-sufficient.

I didn’t know if I would ever reconnect with any of them and I always told God, it was in His hands. He knew them. He knew me. He knew what we needed. He loved us all.

When my youngest sister contacted me recently, I considered ignoring her, but I heard God tell me, it would be ok. I felt a peace. So I read her words. And I responded. I even told her some of my fears so she could pray for me. Then we made plans to get together with Mom.

It was a good visit. We talked about our lives now. We teased a little bit. I noticed the freckles on my sister’s arms, I didn’t remember. We finally got Karen G Clemenson to get out of the hot car and join us in the air conditioning – she always worries about influencing situations…

My mom told me she wished she had told me she didn’t want me to remove her from my life. I know it was her way of saying she loved me and she wanted me in her life. I feel that now. Even though I needed to do what I did, it wasn’t about rejection, it was about finding me.

My mom is moving to another state. She needs to. Washington is too expensive. She can’t afford to retire here and she isn’t getting the medical care she needs here. But she will be moving near my youngest sister, so she won’t be alone and they live near world renowned doctors, so her health will have a chance to improve and she will have a better quality of life. But I told her she will have a reason to return and visit.

God is always good.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Xavier Hated Doors

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 6, 2025 | About Summer

Xavier hated doors. He was so offended by being blocked from his people. Karen and I still don’t shut doors unless we have guests over.

Once he got out when he and I lived with my mother. Somehow he got between the storm door and wooden door to the house and began crying. I was so happy he was safe. Xavier was not born with the same instincts of survival that most animals have. Another time I thought he got out, which would have been odd because he was terrified of the front door, I had searched the house top to bottom and did not find him, until he got hungry and began crying for me. He was in Mom’s linen closet, apparently that is a great napping place.

When we lived at The Monticello he got out. I am not sure how long he was wandering the hall or if he even wandered at all. His call for me was mighty and I saw him an apartment down and he ran inside as soon as I opened the door.

That was the last time he was ever curious about the door.

Xavier didn’t mind fireworks as a kitten. He just played with his toys. But when he was mature he was terrified. Lucky for us he was also scared of the front door. He had is safe spots and that was where I could check on him, pat his head, and let him know it would stop eventually.

Xavier died in April 2024. I have had two 4th of July celebrations without him. It’s easier to fall asleep since I don’t have to worry about him. I did check out the Cowlitz County Lost and Found group on Facebook and it is overwhelmed by pets that are missing. I am so sorry for those fur babies and their people.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

This Should Have Been An Easy Run

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 27, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I have never had a blood clot, that I know of, until I got endometrial cancer, which both this type of cancer and the treatment of this type of cancer cause. My oncologist assured me that once my cancer was gone, I would no longer need to take Eliquis, which is very expensive, even if you have insurance. As far as I know, blood clots don’t run in my family so this should have been an easy run.

I am struggling with the fact that two doctors, one being my new blood specialist, said that since I have had two severe episodes, the last one coming on very fast and apparently originating in my lungs, I will have to remain on blood thinners for the rest of my life. This feels like such a failure.

I went off my Eliquis a couple weeks before my first radiation treatment . We had intended to start the treatments a week earlier but adjustments needed to be made so we didn’t do the first treatment as planned, but I stayed off the blood thinner.

On Monday I have to get some special blood work done. These labs will tell us if I have a hereditary condition, we didn’t know about. After these labs are completed, we will create a new plan of action for when we start up the radiation treatments, which have been paused for a month while my lungs heal and we figure out how to handle my blood clotting issue.

I wish drugs that are so necessary were not so expensive. I wish it didn’t hurt so bad to heal. I know I am a blessed woman. I wish I didn’t have to dig past so many distractions sometimes to remember that.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Am Still Very Weak

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 25, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I woke up at 2:30 am on Saturday. I was aware something was wrong when I had gone to bed. Something had been wrong since Wednesday when I had had my first radiation treatment for endometrial cancer. My ribs and lungs had begun hurting. I thought it was fibromyalgia responding. This was normal but it kept getting worse. As I would get up to do things I would get out of breath easily. It had been getting worse. After going to the bathroom, I barely made it back to bed. My breathing never came back to complete normal.

At 3 am, I woke Karen. I told her something was wrong. I needed to go to the hospital. She was so tired. She watched me for awhile. I asked her what she was thinking and she said she was just watching me. Soon I needed to use the bathroom again. This time, I couldn’t make it back to the bed. I sat at the desk while I labored to breathe and sweated profusely. It felt like the last time I was hospitalized for blood clots. Karen agreed this was wrong. She started dressing. I was giving orders to pack certain things I would need. I knew I would be admitted. She was bringing clothes to me and helping me dress.

I had to use the restroom again and barely made it back to the desk chair. I was trying to figure out how I was not sure how I was going to make it to the car. I was so scared. Luckily the building we live in had chairs in the midway point so I could rest before forcing myself to walk the rest of the way to the car and get in.

As we started towards the main road, I said Legacy Salmon Creek. Karen was so scared she said no, St John. I said no. I won’t get out of the car. In the end I got what I wanted. I think St John ER is great, but I am still healing from my experience in their ICU with my blood clots back in 2022. I had a great experience with Legacy Salmon Creek in 2014 and my gynecological oncologist is there and she manages my Eliquis because my blood clots are related to my cancer, and she is an amazing doctor. I knew I would have a better experience at Legacy Salmon Creek and I did.

I was so sick. I had ultrasounds on my heart, liver and legs; very painful. My heart and liver were very stressed out because of the very large blood clot in my right lung and the many medium clots in my left lung. Both my arms are covered in bruises from constant blood pressure checks, blood draws, and drug administration. Even my fingertips are bruised from blood sugar checks.

I had to fight for my medications. The weekend doctor, although kind and interesting, stopped all my meds. Some of my meds are not meant to just stop. They kept me on a liquid diet and sometimes took even my fluids away as they weren’t sure when they were going to remove my blood clots. I didn’t care about food; I was too tired. Even jello was a chore to eat. But I hated when I couldn’t have water because when you are on oxygen your nose and mouth become so dry.

Eventually I got my meds back. Which is good because my mood was very bipolar. Thankfully I had my phone and backup battery with me so I could keep my music going. It helped my mood and often the nurses enjoyed it and would feel embarrassed when they started dancing. I told them not to be embarrassed; my wife dances all the time.

I had to be awake during my surgery so when the doctor needed to take a picture, I could hold my breath. They cheered when they got the biggest clot out. I think they forgot I was awake when I asked if I could see it because they were very surprised. When they were done, they showed me a picture of a huge pile of clots. I said, no wonder I was having such a hard time breathing. They agreed.

They also installed a metal mesh so that any clots that form in my legs cannot get into my lungs and heart. I will have that removed after my cancer is gone.

I am still very weak. You don’t just go back to 100% after having blood clots in your lungs and I still have some small ones in my lungs that my body has to break down.

I had stopped taking my Eliquis for the radiation therapy and been off of it for 2 weeks. The blood thinners stop the blood from clotting. I won’t be able to go off of Eliquis but for a couple of days when we return to the last three treatments, but Dr Westhoff says we are taking a month for me to heal. By the look of my arms, I know my veins are happy about that, but I know my lungs need to recover too.

On the way home, I was planning to make a lentil soup because that is the ingredients I have. When I told Karen, she told me no. Then I realized I have slept most of the day since Saturday and I probably didn’t have the energy to make anything. I did end up sleeping most of today.

Money is tight. All the trips to Vancouver are out of our normal. My Eliquis is a much larger dose so we have that too. But through all this, even though God could have moved this mountain, He didn’t. Even though I was too tired to talk to Him, except for a few people that landed on my heart, I know He carried me the entire way, provided for every need, and will keep doing the same because He loves me. God bless you.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Accepted Everything They Offered

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 20, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

Wednesday was probably the most painful day I can ever remember. It wasn’t the radiation that hurt, because it didn’t. But everything before and after that did. I have a great doctor and all the nurses were wonderful but being tied to a table with your legs up in the air is excruciating and unlike last week when I refused pain meds, this time, I accepted everything they offered, however it didn’t help.

I was under anesthesia when Dr Dyer inserted the applicator for the needles that apply the radiation, that is attached to the table. I was not under anesthesia when he had to put it back in because I had pulled it out because my knees were hurting and I couldn’t hold still. I learned to keep my hips still after that.

He was shocked when he finally asked me where my pain was and I told him my knees. We tried oxy, fentanyl, something that starts with a t, there might have been a few others and oxy and fentanyl we did twice, nothing worked. I had to be in that position for a CT scan, while they readjusted things, while they made an action plan, the 42 minutes I actually was getting the treatment, and until they could get me into the OR to remove the applicator and catheter. Pretty much most of the day.

Last week, I wasn’t there as long because when we got to the CT scan, he realized he needed to make more adjustments to the applicator and needles to do the most good for me. The pain had been in my back, my knees weren’t so bad. So before I left for the hospital on Wednesday, I covered my back with doTERRA’s Deep Blue Stick (contact me if you have any questions about this product). My back did fine. I will be doing this with my knees next time we do this and my back and bring it with me. Apparently, my body is used to doTERRA and not pain meds.

During the radiation I was trying to focus on my breathing but I was writhing in pain and moaning, sometimes praying to God. A couple times my alarms went off and I would hear my doctor’s patient voice reminding me that he needed me to focus on long deep breaths in and out. I was so glad when it was over. My doctor loosened the straps on my legs so I could move them a little bit but I still had to keep my feet in the stirrups. Being able to wiggle my toes and slightly straighten my knees helped so much!

My doctor told me he was so proud of me and that we had got such a good treatment that he didn’t think I would have a lot of bleeding. (I have a lot of blood vessels in my uterus and I tend to bleed for a long time.)

Eventually they took me to a regular room, which was odd because I was supposed to go home. They brought me a regular gown to wear instead of the paper one I had been wearing all day. They were surprised that my room didn’t have a bed and were about to order one and I said no. I had no idea why I was in this room but I had no plans to stay. I wasn’t about to put on a hospital gown, I could wear my own clothes. So one nurse began the hunt for my discharge orders and another nurse started taking the electrodes off my chest but I beat her to most of them and she laughed, knowing I was done with being handled by strangers.

It took a few hours to find my doctor because he was in surgery, so my nurse kept coming back to check my vitals and the first time she asked if she could check if I was bleeding, I said, “I have had more people in my vagina today than I have had in my entire life, knock yourself out.” She laughed.

Honestly I was ready to do anything to go home. On our way home we drove Hwy 30 instead of I-5. It was so beautiful!

I have 3 more treatments to go. The last one is July 3…so my Independence Day will be spent sleeping and healing…

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

This Feels Too Heavy

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 16, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer

I feel frozen. We did not do a radiation treatment on Thursday, as planned, yet I had done the cleanse on Wednesday and I had the contraption inserted to do the radiation. I had the CT scan. I had several kinds of pain meds but they didn’t help at all. They removed the device. I’m still hurting inside. I’m still bleeding a tiny bit. I still have bruises and 12 injection spots on my hands. They didn’t try getting an IV in my hands until I was under sedation. If they would have asked me, I would’ve told them that was a bad idea. I am angry that I have 12 injection sites. They are swollen and hurt.

I have to do another cleanse tomorrow. I have to go back on Wednesday. This time I have to be there at 9 am instead of 6:30 but the time does not matter. I am not sleeping well at all so I am exhausted all the time. This feels too heavy.

~

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

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