Help Jamie Holloway Communicate

Most of you know my sister,Jamie Holloway. I mention her all the time. She is my best friend and my adopted sister. She is a huge inspiration to me and so many other people because of her strength and her drive to live as well as she can with some pretty scary chronic illnesses. If it wasn’t for her I would be miserable and not know what to do about it. But she chooses joy as much as she can. She chooses wellness and pro-activity as often as possible. She educates herself and those around her, every chance she gets.

When you are chronically ill and can’t work, it is hard to make ends meet. I am lucky that I have a hard working wife. I am lucky that we are able to make Jamie part of our monthly budget because she doesn’t have much left after her rent is paid. Jamie is lucky that there are a few of us that make up her team that keep things going but it is hard when things like her laptop or cell phone die. We are all managing our budgets.

Jamie is needing some help with her electronics. If you can help with a few dollars, towards these things it would bring so much happiness to her, just in time for her birthday May 21st. We are asking for $1000 to cover the cost of her communication devices and maybe a shelf for her bedroom wall. If we all pitch in, she will be one happy 50 year old!

Please click to learn more about the GoFundMe we set up for her.

When she gets her new laptop, I might have to give her blog at JamieChasesButterflies.com a facelift…she looks a lot different now. 🙂

Thank you for loving Jamie!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Are You Using Petroleum Products?

This article was originally posted on Wellness Works NW on October 4, 2023.

When I was in my mid-twenties I realized that I had gone several months without a period. I had always been irregular, and at the time I had a very stressful job but this seemed wrong; I had no reason to consider a pregnancy. I mentioned it to a woman in my bible study group that I trusted and she said that she had gone through a similar situation. She asked me about things I ate and I mentioned that I was using soy milk instead of cow’s milk. She told me to find another way to replace the cow’s milk. She asked me if I used petroleum products. I didn’t know. She told me that it would be called Vaseline or petroleum jelly or a few other names in the list of ingredients on my personal hygiene products. (more…)

I Got Caught Pleasuring Myself [SPAM]

Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself! This weekend I got an email from a spammer. They claimed that they infected my computer with a private trojan, remote administration tool that allows them to access my accounts, my camera and microphone. They also told me I enjoy checking out porn sites having kinky fun and they recorded me through my own camera: I got caught pleasuring myself. Actually, by Monday, I had got 4 emails.

I am really good at avoiding spam because I am very mindful about my computer use, maybe because I have OCD and I have to do things a certain way. Maybe I don’t freak out because when I worked for 3 years doing customer service and website design the one thing I learned the most, was that staying calm was paramount to solving a problem; getting upset only makes it harder to think.

My bank knows when I am not shopping because I only shop and pay certain ways and they call me if anything is different from my usual use. I have a sticky note over my camera unless I am Facetiming or Zooming with my sister, Jamie Holloway, or therapist or doctors. I only use my computer when I am home alone because I value family time so if someone has my microphone hacked they will hear me talking to my cat or whatever music I am playing…And I am a queen who loves her wife and is bored to tears with porn. When you have chronic pain a computer chair and laptop is far from sexy. So if my velvety soft, gingerbread queen is not with me, I am not interested…

But maybe they did catch me the other day…talk about pleasuring myself, I bought Karen G Clemenson two new pairs of jeans for work so I can go a couple more days between having to do laundry!

By the way, if you have emails like that just delete them and empty your trash bin so they are not sitting on your computer. You might want to change your email password as an extra precaution. Don’t ever click on any links in the email!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

My Thoughts on Senate Bill 5599

Senate Bill 5599 has been the center of many debates online; Many debates among Christians that believe there is only one way to live. I entered into one of these debates hoping to speak some compassion into the hearts of these fellow believers and along the way I learned a few things. I have waited a few weeks to sum up my notes and thoughts on these conversations so I could make sure that my emotions were not getting in my way. Because this bill can bring up a lot of emotions if you are letting go of common sense. Here are my thoughts on Senate Bill 5599.

SB 5599 was originally sponsored by Senators Marko Liias (primary), Claire Wilson, Manka Dhingra, Liz Lovelett, Joe Nguyen and Emily Randall. It was passed on May 9, 2023 and will take effect on July 23, 2023. In a nutshell the bill states that if a minor comes to a licensed overnight shelter or licensed organization and it is known that they are there, unknown by their parents, that the organization must contact the parents or guardians within 72 hours. However, if there are compelling reasons suggesting that that minor is being abused this rule doesn’t apply, but the organization must make sure that the minor receives proper medical, mental and legal help, which may include gender affirming care or abortion without parent or guardian consent, after proper medical, mental and legal help has begun. FYI this is a paraphrase. There is a link to the full bill below for your reference.

Previously I had read about School-Based Health Center Programs because I had heard about other Christians that were afraid of what that would mean in public schools because there was another bill that mentioned gender-affirming care. My response is always to research. My belief system tells me that since perfect love casts out fear, that God has given me a mind to learn. So I must not let my emotions get in the way. So I ask questions and read what I can so that I don’t need to be afraid. From what I have read, School-Based Health Center Programs are very much like what I experienced as a child in public school. I remember receiving eye exams, hearing tests, scoliosis checks, and my first tuberculosis vaccine at the nurse’s office. I received counseling all through grade school, middle school and high school with a program like this. Kids that need prescriptions given during the day get them from the nurse’s office, minors needing hormone treatments would fall under this category. I imagine that children that show signs of abuse would get help through this program.

The conclusion I have come to about the fear that these Christian parents are worried about is non-existent if they are not abusing their children. If they are listening to their children and letting them be individuals and not extensions of themselves. If they are willing to let go of a version of a legalistic God that doesn’t understand humanity.

What are people afraid of?

It sounds like I have heard the word indoctrinated a lot. And while there may be a few teachers that have an agenda, I don’t believe that all teachers and administrators do and parents have the right to question their children’s teachers and administrators. We live in a world where children have all kinds of families. I had two women in mother roles in my family and it wasn’t because my mother was a lesbian; my father had divorced my mother and remarried. Most of my friends had more than one mother or father when I was growing up. I had no experience with queer families until I was an adult, that I know of, but I know they have been here and children should not be ashamed to talk about their parents. As a woman married to another woman, I can assure you that my wife and I are just like any other married couple trying to grow each day into a better person while we pay our bills and take care of our cat and when we are able to afford children, we will be glad to foster and that is what our foster kids will see; just two imperfect people, trying our best, much like most other married people.

When we have kids our agenda will be to raise healthy, community-minded children that know how to take care of themselves, ask questions and make decisions.

What is a lifestyle?

Dictionary.com says that a lifestyle is the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.

The phrase “Gay Lifestyle” always bothers me, because what the definition above doesn’t specify but does imply, is the factor of choice. We choose our habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, way of living and even our economic level. We might not realize this but even by not choosing, but just doing what we know, we are making a choice. I know I didn’t choose to be queer. I prayed for years to be what I thought God wanted me to be and in the end, I already was what He created me to be.

During my conversations with people my marriage was called a perversion and I appreciate people’s right to their opinion but what if the real perversion is the division that is caused when people are being shunned from a body of believers because of who they love or how they feel about their body? I read my bible almost every day and I enjoy my time with God. In my relationship with Him, I have learned to question even Him because the moral standards written in the bible were written in a culture and time that are vastly different than what we experience now. We see this because slavery is illegal and women can own land; in fact there was no cultural standard for a loving, committed relationship between two souls, regardless of gender because women had no value when the bible was written. In the bible, marriage was more about maintaining social responsibility and child rearing and had nothing to do with love. But marriage is no longer defined by my ability to have children, so gender is just a human issue. In Jesus we are all equal, there is neither Jew or Greek, male or female (Galatians 3:28). The bible says that when Jesus returns, we will no longer have human bodies (1 Corinthians 15:52), nor will be given in marriage (Matthew 22:30). This leads me to believe that love is so much more important than gender in God’s eyes (Mark 12:30-31).

Transgender Issues…

We do not see what God sees and we do not know what God knows (Isaiah 55:8-9). If your child is confused about their gender, love them, hear them and help them. Why would you allow yourself to be afraid of such a human issue, when as a Christian we are called to live a spirit-led life? Did you know that a transgender person is not allowed to take hormone treatments until after they have completed 4 months of counseling to make sure they are making the right decision? There is a process to make sure that the person is not making a mistake. So those hormone treatments that the school nurse might be administering will never start immediately. Surgeries are never going to happen at school and not every transgender person can have or will choose to have surgeries because each person’s path is their own. It is common for children to be curious at some point in their development about their sex and most children come to the discovery that they are happy with the sex they were born with but if your child is so unhappy with their gender that they don’t want to live, I know I would be very comfortable with helping a child find peace and safety in their body and God would have grace for that. We are all God’s creation and He loves us and sees our full potential and He wants us to love and care for each other, instead of fighting and dividing ourselves from each other.

One person brought up the bathroom issue and I want to mention here that at every facility that I have been to where children are, there are separate bathrooms for children and adults. Students don’t have a lot of time in the bathroom and they are there to get their business done. At one grade school I visited, a representative nearly ran to meet me at the front door as I entered. It was obvious that it was important to this school that the kids were top priority. I don’t think bathrooms are an issue in schools.

I believe that church and state should be separate. I believe that Jesus came to save me from the law because when I am living a spirit-led life, where I am loving God with all my heart, soul and mind and my neighbor more than myself, I wont need laws to tell me to be careful with others and mindful of boundaries. When the law is more important than love we make a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross (Galatians 2:20-21). I think the fears that I keep seeing in these conversations are the false prophets (2 Thessalonians 3:6) that Jesus told us about and as believers we need to be careful not to forget why we are really here: to let go of our fears and learn to love.

There is no reason to fear SB 5599 if you are loving your children, listening to your children and doing your best to let them grow into the human God created them to be. Remember to be brave!

Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

You Can’t Be Gay and Be a Christian: I Don’t Agree

I have spent the last week dialoguing with a local woman, that I will refer to as Susan, about homosexuality. She is a Christian woman that has different ideas than I do. I believe she is a kind woman but according to my understanding of my queer family, she is judging us and I have told her so, in a loving way. She shared a video with me of a woman that at one time was a LBGTQIA+ Activist but now is telling others that you can’t be gay and be a Christian. I appreciate the woman in the video’s experience but we all have our own experiences and I don’t agree with her.

As I told Susan: I know what God has told me. When I realized that I was queer, I had already gone through so much with God’s help; little did I know what He had in store for me. But when I had come to the realization of my sexuality, I told Him I thought He had more faith in me than I thought I could possibly be worthy of. The last 9 years have been a crash course in homophobia, white supremacy and being disabled and all that implies. Not one step was taken without God either dragging me, carrying me or showing me a new way.

Because my main spiritual gifting is empathy, I feel people’s pain and I can tell you that it has been hard to tell other’s pain from my own at times. That is what judgement does. It cause pain. It steals trust. It shuts down communication. It stops growth. It also causes the human reaction to judge back…which is rally hard to avoid. I am telling you the consequences of not listening to part of the bible that says judge not lest ye be judged and why look at the speck in your brother’s eye when there is a log in your own eye. We are here to love each other. Not make new laws and rules. That action only makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross.

There are people that deserve to be fought for that have been long hated by the church, shunned, lied about and not supported and whether you want to admit it or not, when you make someone have to shut a part of themselves away from you, to protect themselves, when you judge them, and they are queer, to a queer person, it is called homophobia.

In the video I watched, this woman said that some queer people have the agenda to make the “gay lifestyle” top of the mind and that might be true, but many people have different reasons for that. Personally I don’t watch a lot of TV. A quick response to not wanting to be manipulated through media: Read more books and encourage your children to do the same. But I think that portraying a world that is more realistic is profitable, emotionally. There are many households with two moms or two dads and that is not so weird in real life so why would it be odd in a TV show?

The problem is that when you make statements like, “You can’t be gay or lesbian and also be a Christian,” you are shutting out a lot of people from an important conversation. You are also making God a lot smaller than He really is. God affirms everything He has created. He loves ALL his creation. True, some people can “be saved” from being queer but not everyone; in fact it is quite rare, so what about the ones that have been shunned and abused for their entire life. If Jesus would leave the entire flock for one lost sheep, don’t you think that your ideas and behaviors might make it hard for those lost sheep to come home?

Here is a truth. I found faith in my backyard when I was 5-years-old. In my baby book my mother wrote that since I was 6-years-old, she could find me studying my bible, on my own. I have worn 3 1/2 bibles out in my life (my current one is almost done). I dragged my family and friends to church for the first 20 years of my life and then God told me to leave that church. He said that church could not teach me anything more. At 20 years old, I found myself at another church. I stayed there diligently for 5 more years and then my car broke down and no one ever called me to see if I needed a ride. They only called me when it was my turn to dress the communion table. I told them what I thought about that. I stayed with them off and one for 13 years but I also challenged God. As a 30 year old Christian I thought I should feel more mature. So just Him, my bible and me and He taught me things, no one had ever told me, or maybe I missed with all the lights, sounds and humanity in the churches I had been at…I am very easily stimulated.

Now I visit churches but I never stay because they are too human. The last one I was at taught things that were not in the bible. The one before the pastor was always more interested in planning his next mission trip, although his teaching was intelligent and interesting, but I could feel the fear of key people in the church because they didn’t know what would happen if a gay person was allowed in the church, the church before that was accepting but I felt like a token gay person in an affirming church…and to be honest the worship music was full of joy but the sound was an assault on my ear drums (I am so sorry).

Where are queer people supposed to congregate where they are not going to be abused, where they can learn the word, where they are not going to be treated weird and they are going to be treated with the love of Christ?

Susan thanked me for listening to her and not hating on her or blocking her. In reality I was treating her as I would want to be treated; as most people in the queer community, that I have met, want to be treated. We want to be able to be ourself without being told to be quiet or hide. We want to be heard and not put down. We just want to live our life. If that is a bad agenda, I would think that is the agenda all people have.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

What is a Lifestyle?

There was an event at Father’s House Church last Saturday that I felt that I would have wanted to protest, but my body would not have been able to handle the stress. According to the flyer, very conservative Republicans from the Family Policy Institute of Washington wanted to talk about what they think is being taught in public schools about inclusion and gender and sexual identity, Critical Race Theory, their fear of health clinics in schools, parents rights, and to encourage parents to pull their children out of public schools and put them into home schools or private schools making less dollars available for public schools, so that children with less advantages, will continue to have less advantages. Meanwhile there has been a few new laws passed over night to stress more conservatives out a bit more, while protecting abused and yes, possibly, queer and transgender, children. I didn’t think my body could stand on unforgiving cement in the cold and rain but my fingers can type faster than most, and my mind is clean so I began debating with a few people on Facebook. What is a lifestyle but a choice in how we live.

Lifestyle is typical way of the life of an individual, group, or culture says Merriam-Webster.

Examples of lifestyle habits are:

  • Sleeping patterns
  • Eating tendencies
  • Level of physical activity
  • Stress management practices
  • Hydration habits
  • Achieve/Maintain a healthy weight
  • Be free of dependence on tobacco, illicit drugs and alcohol
  • Spend quality time with family and friends daily
  • Take time for spiritual renewal

Why is this important to my point? Because in one of my debates one person used the phrase “gay lifestyle” and I wanted to go through the roof. I didn’t. If lifestyle is a choice than we can say that people that color their hair is a lifestyle. But people born with brown hair, they were born that way. I know, I was born this way.

My therapist told me yesterday that I was probably given an unique opportunity because I was a late bloomer, bi-sexual and demi-sexual. Relationship was the most important to me so my sexuality was not important to me. I happened to fall for a guy first. He was not the one. Then I felt feelings I didn’t understand for Karen G Clemenson and for years I prayed with my Christian therapist about them and they never budged. When I asked God for a partner because I was exhausted with walking alone, there she was and I could not ignore these feelings and they were not one-sided. But because it happened to us later in life, I don’t have the scars and triggers that a lot of my queer community family have. I can actually debate with others and listen to them.

I am often taken aback by Christians that I feel are reacting to the world in fear and anger and what looks more like hate than love. I am not wired like most people, and God has told me that He didn’t make me to fit in, so I have been working on feeling comfortable in myself since I rarely feel comfortable anywhere else. But since, we as Christians are supposed to be the light of the world, I sometimes have felt like I didn’t want to admit I am one of them, not because I don’t love Jesus but because some of His followers seem to be very confused.

I don’t care for politics. They stress me out. I don’t think Jesus did either, I mean wasn’t it for that reason that he cleared the tables in the temple in anger (Mark 11:15-17)? Didn’t He die to make the high ranking Jewish leaders happy? (I do understand He did that on purpose to fulfill prophecy and I am grateful because for that reason I am able to love Him) But Jesus is about authenticity and love. He came to free us from the law because the law is not made for righteous persons but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners (2 Timothy 1:9).

I have read the new laws. I am not intimidated by them. I am thankful for public schools and for sex education classes. I know that some families do not support their children in healthy ways. I know that some families should never have children and those children need help. I also know that each transgender person’s path is unique and not like anyone else’s and being afraid of their medical procedures, especially if they don’t have them now or at all, is ridiculous. What all children need is compassion and love. Growing up is hard and children don’t need to see us fighting and hating each other. They need to see a strong and compassionate front.

I know some Christians are stuck on gender, that God only made male and female, but I think that gender is a human issue and only important when it comes to bearing children, which is not a defining reason for marriage by today’s standards. “there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28

What God did tell us to do was to be together and to be like minded: Psalm 66:16-20, Acts 1:14, Acts 2:1, Acts 2:46, Acts 4:24, Acts 5:12, Philippians 2:2, Matthew 18:20, 2 Timothy 1:5-9

These were just a few scriptures from a few of my most recent bible studies but they fit here.

I came on strong with one debate:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider that plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:1-3

I do try to live with this one on the top of my mind. I can’t say I don’t have to be reminded sometimes but we really have to be careful. When we judge other people, we are asking to be judged back and people can be harsh. When you judge me because I married my best friend and the person that I believe that God made for me, you are telling me that God made me wrong. It is like me telling you that your blue eyes should have been brown. Imagine if you had told a child, since they were small that they were wrong, because you could tell they were different, but there was nothing they could do about it. You have possibly terrorized this child for the rest of their life for being who God made them to be. If he was born that way, how could he be wrong? If God doesn’t make mistakes, how could he be wrong? Just because you don’t have words for something doesn’t mean that it is wrong, it just means you have something to learn.

Being queer isn’t a lifestyle. It is a demographic. Being mean is a lifestyle though and I would like to see it stop.

Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

I Do Not Want More Laws

I am so torn between putting this on my blog or directly on Facebook. I know people read my blog but they never respond and I really want to hear people’s opinions. I do not want more laws. I don’t think we have a large enough police force in Longview, Washington to be able to enforce the laws we have now, and as a Christian, I think that I don’t need more. I know that sounds wrong, but if I am spending as much time as I can loving my God with all my heart, soul and mind and going out of my way to love my neighbor, more than myself, I don’t need laws to tell me how to live right. I feel offended by Christians that feel the need to make more laws to tell other people how to live when Galatians 2:21 says that the law makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross for us all…Yet I also know that just a few weeks ago I made posts about needing more gun control laws.

So I was wrong. I have since then, realized that since I have never lived with guns or relied on guns, I can never understand the viewpoint of someone that had never lived without them. As some of you know, my wife, Karen G Clemenson, and I do not always agree on politics or guns but we do choose to disagree because we respect and love each other. This same behavior can be extended beyond our home and should be. Karen was raised with guns in her home and was a sharp shooter in the Army. We currently don’t have a weapon in our home, but at some point she will take up her hobby and I will then, out of responsibility, learn how to handle this weapon, maintain it and shoot it, but I am sure I will never think to use it, first. It is not how I am wired.

I would love to see mass shooting stop. But I am not sure that new laws will answer that immediately. I am saying this because change comes slowly. There are civil rights amendments on the books that have taken decades to really be seen backed up consistently by society and in some parts of the United States it is still hit and miss. Why would taking people’s guns do anything but cause more turmoil and a possible desire for rebellion?

There is an event at a local church by a very conservative group about education in public schools this coming weekend. I can tell by the flier that was shared with me that they will be talking about Critical Race Theory (CRT), I have a feeling they will be attacking trans-children, they will talk about parent’s rights, and health clinics in schools (which are not any different than what they had when I was growing up but they have reinstated them and had success in Seattle) and they will also rally for more laws. I scoured the Facebook pages of the organization that is putting on the event and the church that is hosting the event and I can’t find anything about this event but people in the Longview Rainbow group and a local Democratic lady has shared the informative flyer with me. Why hide? You would think they would want to tell everyone about their event.

I am torn about political parties. I am not against any party but I am not for any of them either. I don’t see any party doing a very good job.  When it comes down to it, I am done with old white men, so anyone that is older than me and male and white wont be getting my vote. I want to see something fresh and new. I am about hope and I am not about hoping the president doesn’t die because I can’t stand the vice president either. But I do appreciate the Democratic lady that made sure I knew about the event. I don’t know if I will be able to attend. We don’t need a permit to protest but we have to keep moving, we can’t use a tent or chairs and quite honestly I am not sure my body will be able to do that if this rain and cold is going to hold…and I think it is.

Why would I protest? Because unlike many angry Christians that think that Christ has been removed out of schools and that is the reason schools don’t work, I disagree. I believe church and state should be separate but Christ and Christians never are. I was taught that Jesus was with me and it was my job to have a relationship with Him. I could talk to Him whenever I wanted and tell my friends about Him, if they wanted to hear it. The teachers can’t bring up religion but the students can and I did. I pray whenever I want and I always have. That is what Christian parents should be teaching their kids. Instead of teaching them to feel squashed, empower them.

Another reason to protest is that some parents are not good parents. Maybe you are amazing parents and you wont need to hear this and you are not the reason for the health clinic. But I did not trust my parents. My parents were not the worst parents in the world but I did not trust them. Some parents hate that their kids are transgender and they abuse them or for other reasons and these kids need help. Health clinics can really help the kids that have really bad parents or no parents. Some foster kids are in bad homes too. Some of these programs are meant for kids that have no one, not for the kids that have loving homes and parents that are not hurting them.

My biggest reason for protesting is that I am tired of the hatred and fear that is causing more pain to our society. I want people to understand that Jesus never said anything about LBGTQIA+ people. There was no cultural context for this group of people when the bible was written and what was written, if you actually do word studies, when homosexuality is mentioned in the bible, they are talking about sex addiction, rape, incest and sex trafficking and not committed relationships between loving people. But Jesus did say to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.

The part that I am stuck on is that Karen and I were debating this event. She hasn’t had time to research the event and some of the things she has heard about. She is a Republican but luckily she is a more moderate one, so we agree more than disagree many times. But the items she was bringing up are very fear-minded and they are not listed on the flyer. So even though they are not listed on the flyer, which can’t be found on the organizations Facebook or the wall of the host’s Facebook, people are talking. I spent time looking today because I wanted to find answers for not only her but for me and I couldn’t find them. If perfect love (of Christ) casts out all fear, why are we creating more laws to control humans? Why aren’t we trying to impose more compassion and love for children, even if we don’t understand what they are going through?

If Republicans are against bigger government, why are they constantly trying to make more laws to control human behavior?

Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Bible Gender Sexuality Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson

Bible Gender Sexuality Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson is the first book I have read on the topic of what the bible says about being queer. I have read the bible and I have spoken to God but I want to read what more learned people have written on the topic. This topic is personal to me because when I was 20 years old I knew that I had a fight inside of me, although I didn’t know the words. Being a late-bloomer, it didn’t bother me, until I found myself attracted to a few ladies I knew. It wasn’t overwhelming, but I didn’t have overwhelming feelings about men either. At the time, I didn’t know the word demi-sexual or even bi-sexual, which explains why I wasn’t rude about my attractions, like my friends were. I always thought their comments about body parts was belittling to the whole person, therefore, disrespectful. I now know that they were probably what is considered, “normal” and I was different because although I might find a person attractive, I am not sexually attracted to them until I have a deep emotional and intellectual bond with them.

I was raised in a conservative Baptist church and I found the scripture that said homosexuality was an abomination. I had other things to do and no real relationships so I stayed busy. I met Karen G Clemenson 10 years before we became engaged. For some of that time I was seeing a Christian therapist and I admitted some fears I had about feelings I was having about her and sometimes feelings I was feeling from Karen. I prayed a lot. Karen was a wonderful friend. I didn’t want to mess that up. In 2014, when I got sick enough that I couldn’t fake it or hide it, she was by my side and never left. She was never overwhelmed. She was my rock. She was my nurse. She encouraged me to find strength when I didn’t know I could. Somewhere in there; in all that bloody humanity we realized that we had a love that was beyond friendship. We were married 11 days later. It will be 9 years ago on May 9th. After a year of marriage and seeing a different therapist I was able to admit that I was bisexual. Before then I had told people I wasn’t gay, I just married my best friend — talk about denial. I am not in denial anymore because the light of Christ is an amazing thing and this book is just one of many that can help shine light on a dark spot.

As many people engage in polarizing debates we must not only focus on what the scripture says but what it means. Throughout history we have come to understand that we must change our discernment of the bible. During most of the bible times slavery was prevalent, yet we now know slavery is wrong. Brownson wants to help the reader understand key points in the bible and history to re-open discussion about same-sex intimate relationships.

Gender Complimentary Argument

Arguments that same-sex intimate relationships violate God’s divinely intended gender complementarity, but this implies that male and female are incomplete on their own and that is not true. The one-flesh union spoken of in Genesis is not a physical one but a kinship one. Adam and Eve were celebrated for their similarities more than their differences so Genesis does not teach a normative form of gender complimentary. The overall context and language of scripture suggests that the one-flesh bond mentioned in Genesis 2:24 is a lifelong kinship bond which is described through prophetic tradition in the Old Testament when we see Gods’ faithfulness to Israel as a marriage bond which is lifelong and emphasizing grace. This same emphasis is also seen in the New Testament.

The reason against promiscuity is that people are not to say with their bodies what they can’t or will not say with their whole lives. In scripture it is clear that one-flesh bond only takes place between and man and a woman but there is nothing in the bible that excludes committed same-sex unions when the other characteristics of the kinship bonds are met. One flesh does not only refer to sexual relations but the relationship, love, social, community ties and responsibilities the relationship creates and supports.

“To think of sexual relations as a language brings with it another important corollary. Sex can bring with it an incredibly wide range of meanings…Thus Christian faithfulness has only begun when it recognizes that full sexual intimacy belongs in one-flesh kinship unions. The following steps are equally, if not more important: learning the bodily language for giving and receiving love and using that language to create a space of beauty and love where both partners become more fully the person God intends them to be.” Chapter 5

The bible does not teach normative understanding of gender complimentary.

“Perhaps what heterosexuals are experiencing in marriage is not essentially a complimentary of gender understood biologically, but simply a form of otherness that usually takes shape along gender lines, even if those gendered lines may shift significantly from one context to the next.” Chapter 12

Cultural Norms

The bible was written in an honor-shame culture where public esteem was highly valued and male/female roles were clearly and sharply defined. Western culture is not like this. The need to honor each other is universal but the concept of shame varies among different cultures. The modern world doesn’t understand gender roles as they did in the ancient world. Men are not offended by female bosses. Women are not naturally passive, subservient and subject to passions. Cultural expectations in the old world have no way of viewing the notion of sexual orientation.

There is a lot of patriarchal beliefs or contrasting egalitarian beliefs shown through the bible, however the New Testament illustrates we leave that behind in the New Life we share in Christ. The hierarchy of gender cannot be used today as a form of gender complimentary, which is allegedly violated by same-sex intimate relationships. Many people can argue that what the bible says about same-sex eroticism that ancient world does not apply to the committed queer relationships of today. We need a cross-cultural sexual ethic that includes justice and love that may have relevance for queer relationships.

What is normal in the bible may not have been able to be envisioned by the writers of the bible due to cultural norms. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider them.

Procreation & Sex

Marriage does not require the ability to procreate to be valid and the inability to bear children is not a reason for divorce. Reliable contraception has changed how we think about relationship between sex and procreation — increasing the importance of bonding through sex and in some cases replacing the procreative meaning of sex.

The Old Testament does not call for celibacy as a lifelong calling for all people, although it is appropriate for short-term avoidance of sex for holiness purposes. Some people are called to a life of celibacy but not all. If not all are called to a life of celibacy than isn’t it better to allow queer people to marry so they do not fall into promiscuity from their unfulfilled passions?

Promiscuity is rejected because it cannot cultivate a lifelong relationship and spread disease.

Other Benefits of Marriage

In ancient days marriage was important to maintain the responsibility and duties to sustain a household. Now society benefits many ways when people live together in long-term committed unions — taxes, better health are just a few.

Society has interest in supporting marriages in order to provide for care of children but this is not the only reason and this lack of procreative capacity cannot deny legitimacy to queer couples in a stable marriage.

What Paul Says

When Paul talks about sexual behaviors that are unacceptable in Romans 1:24-27 he is talking about excessive, self-centered desire and not normal sexual relationships. He also might be referring to the Roman Emperor Gaius Galigula whose idolatry and sexual excesses earned him a gruesome death.

Paul doesn’t see sexual desire as a sin but if it gets out of control it can become lust and lead to sin.

The core form of moral logic that characterizes sexual misconduct as “impure” is the internal attitudes and disposition — lust and lack of restraint. In committed same-sex marriages, where there is discipline, can we still call this union impure?

The Church Today

The church has welcomed queer folks but abhorred their way of handling their emotions with shame. The church may wrestle with Paul’s words about queer relationships but the real issue is promiscuity and lack of self-control which are not part of committed marriages.

The church should stand against relationships marked by dominance, lack of consent, lack of mutuality, including and especially relationships between adults and minors. The bible verses that speak regarding homosexual or same-sex relations are relating to extreme situations: rape, incest, human trafficking, prostitution, sex with angels, overindulgence, idolatry; of course we, as Christians, should be against this lack of self-control and humiliation of others. This is not the type of behavior celebrated in most loving and supportive marriages whether they are same-sex or heterosexual.

Psychologists recognize a persistent, non pathological pattern of same-sex orientation as a “natural” phenomenon in some people. This phenomenon results from a complex interaction between genetics, hormonal influences and social context and it is causing us to question the “nature” of individuals.

“In a broken world, where life does not follow the perfect “nature” plan, God’s redemptive purpose can embrace eunuchs and barren women — as well as gay and lesbian people — and draw them into a wider and deeper divine purpose moving toward the new creation in Christ.” Chapter 11

Because we are all one in Christ.

I already know God made me for a time such as this. I know He loves me and He knows that my wife and I love Him and each other. He has not condemned us. It was good to read something from someone that knows more than me, but I already knew I was blessed because when I asked God, once I was able to say, “I am queer,” if I should divorce my wife, He said no.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for all are one in Christ.” Galatians 3: 28

I got this book from my own collection. You can get your own copy of Bible Gender Sexuality Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson on Amazon.

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Read My Review on GoodReads:

Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church's Debate on Same-Sex RelationshipsBible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I felt that Brownson gave a real effort to explain the cultural differences between the time when the bible was written and the way we live now and how we have already made many changes according to how we have adapted to change: like how we view women in leadership and slavery. I appreciate how he studied the scriptures and related articles of the time to look for connections between gender-complimentary as a requirement. He answered the question of procreation as the reason to outlaw same-sex unions, because it is not a requirement for heterosexual unions. He answered the medical proof that many queer people have not chosen their orientation and instead of requiring them to live a frustrated life where they may end up failing away to sin, that honoring loving, stable, lifelong relationships would answer the need for the lifelong love language between married partners that might lead them to another form of the new creation in Christ. It is a good start for some.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

When We Make Laws to Control People We are Mocking Jesus on the Cross

The gift that Jesus gave us by His death, burial and resurrection is not understood nearly as big until you have read the Old Testament. There are books filled with so many laws that it is exhausting to think about how you could do much of anything else but focus on these laws all day and try to follow them. No wonder we needed Jesus. I am convinced that this is the reason that God did it this way, to prove that we needed a Savior because there was no way to keep all those rules. Human nature makes it impossible. In fact laws being as they are, cause us to need more of them and they become more important than the people they are designed to protect so then it is no longer about protecting people but about rules. Which is where Jesus had trouble with the Pharisees (Mark 7:6-7). But when we make laws to control people we are mocking Jesus on the cross.

There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all.

1 Corinthians 12: 4-7

I have read this part of scripture so many times, usually focusing on the specific types of spiritual gifts because that is very human of me to want to have the power to heal or prophecy, teach or lead, work miracles, discern or speak in tongues or translate but today, it seems very apparent to me the this scripture is not about the gift but the Giver that is in me. My Creator did not equip me with gifts so that I could bless myself but God’s agenda — to love my neighbor — all my neighbors. (Matthew 5:43-44)

I call my Creator God, because that is how I know Him, but even calling Him, Him is a taught comfort. God calls Himself Father, probably because Hew knew how many of us would need a loving and consistent Father, but since God is Spirit, He doesn’t have a gender. God is really a They or a Them and when God speaks internally the pronoun used was “Us.” (Genesis 1:26)

The same Lord who created me, created you. They love us both and offer us the same mercy and salvation — and even spiritual gifts, as the Spirit sees fit. Whether you and I agree on politics, religion or any other topic under the sun, were are all the same in the eyes of God (Galatians 3:26-28). We are called to love each other — especially those we think are our enemies (see Matthew 5:43-44 again).

There are churches that want to condemn sex education classes and ostracize transgender children in the name of protecting their children and religious freedom. These same churches house people that have sexually victimized people I know. They have taught beyond the bible and created their own doctrines. I do not hate them. I feel sorrow for them. They have missed the love of Christ somewhere and that this love is for everyone. They have let fear blind them so they do not see the sin at their feet.

Fear is the root of hate. If we are honest than the light of Christ can heal so much. His light can open our eyes to the real issues.

Sex is not a bad topic as long as we are honest about it. My parents never talked to me about sex. I am thankful for the public school system. Without the education I was given, I would have only known what my friends told me until I realized I could do my own research and most kids do not do that.

Transgender children have enough problems with body dysmorphia, most likely they don’t want to dress down for PE or take showers at school. As the fattest kid in my class, I know, I didn’t. All children need somewhere where they are not treated badly and many times home is not a safe place for trans kids.

How about Christian parents teaching their kids to extend compassion instead of judgement and fear while loving their neighbor as themselves?

Christians were called to be different and God didn’t mean being a bully. Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment and He said: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

I was listening to a sermon on TV last week and the way the preacher described the old text was that we were supposed to go out of our way to love our neighbor, as if they were of greater value than us. That is a huge difference than what I do and I often see. Instead, I see:

‘This people honors Me with their lips but their heart is far from Me. 7 And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrine the commandments of men.’ Mark 7:6-7

I am so thankful that Jesus came and found me under the apple trees when I was 5-years-old. He knew I would need Him to guide me through some scary things. He knew I would be able to see, hear, smell, feel and taste things others could not and that is why He made me and chose me. This same Savior loves us all, whether we are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Trumpster, Queer, Straight, Law-abiding, Criminal, Fat or Fit, Rich or Poor or any other trait any of us might judge each other for and He gifts us as He sees fit for the moment.

You might condemn me because I am bisexual or demi-sexual or because I am happily married to a woman for 9 years on May 9th. But I know God does not. I know this because I asked Him and He told me not to divorce her. He is the true head of our household and Karen and I love it that way. When we cna’t handle each other, we hand each other off to our Maker because He knows exactly what to do.

We must, as Christians, remember that Christ came to free us from the law. Laws were meant to lead us to Christ but righteousness doesn’t come through laws, especially new laws. Church and State must be separate because when we live in the Spirit, as we are called to, the Spirit guides us to live in love, where are neighbor is more important than ourself so laws are not necessary. When we are loving God with all our heart, soul and mind and our neighbor as ourself, laws are only necessary for people that do not know Jesus. Living in any other way makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross. (Galatians 2:20-21)

Being a Christian is simple. Our life is about making our life about God. Our life is not about judging others.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine

I did not pick this book out. My wife did. She was advised by a friend to look at Reconstruction so she brought The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine home from the library. I had just helped her bring about 10 books home…and not any light reads but big, thick and heavy duty reads. This book is very overdue. I watched her squeak in moments where she could try to absorb the vast history in this book and got more and more interested but she works a lot and I eventually saw that she was not going to finish it, so once I had read all the other books, I picked it up. It took me over a month to read it. I am very sensitive. Slavery and White Supremacy hurt my heart but it is part of our history and I am glad I read this book. I even ended up purchasing this book so that Karen can read it at her pace and I might even read it again. Levine did a good job.

Andrew Johnson was our 17th president. He lost his father when he was only 3 years old. He never went to school but he taught himself to read and write. He was apprenticed to a tailor before he was 10 years old. He lived in North and South Carolina as a boy and moved to Greenville, Tennessee when he was 16 years old. When he was 18 years old, he opened his own tailor shop, got married and continued to self-educate himself at the Greenville College. He enjoyed public speaking, history and politics.

  • Johnson was as Jacksonian Democrat
  • Johnson was a Town alderman in 1829
  • He served as Mayor
  • Johnson served in the Tennessee State legislature in 1841
  • He served in Congress in 1843
  • Johnson was a Senator for Tennessee in 1857
  • He became Vice President in 1865

Frederick Douglass was freed slave, self-educated and an activist known for his powerful speeches against slavery and for equal Civil Rights for all. He believed that the United States Constitution was a pro-slavery document and electing antislavery politicians into offices was good sense. Douglass was not impressed with President Lincoln when he first knew him and through much of 1962. Lincoln and Martin R. Delany advocated for Black emigration to places like Liberia, Central America and Africa at the choice of the Black person. Douglass believed that Black Americans deserved to live in the country they helped to build.

Douglass appreciated Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863, however, he wasn’t  positive that Lincoln was going to abolish slavery in the Confederate states and he also believed that Reconstruction had not begun to be considered. However, Douglass supported and recruited Black troops for the Union and met with Lincoln to inspire him to pay Black troops equally what White troops were being paid. Douglas heard that education would be amiss for the formerly enslaved Black people. He also knew that race relations would require help. Black people would remain “enslaved” by White people that would not respect their humanity and freedom.

Lincoln’s original goal in the Civil War was only to reestablish the Union. “The mission of the war,” according to Douglass should have been: “immediate and unconditional emancipation in all the states,” as well as programs to “invest the Black man everywhere with right to vote and to be voted for, and remove discriminations against his rights on account of his color, whether as a citizen or as a soldier.” Frederick Douglass, chapter 2

Black people were not considered United States citizens in 1864, although about 200,000 Black Americans fought in the Union Army during the Civil War.. Freeing slaves meant nothing if Black Americans had no rights and protections under the law. President Lincoln wanted to restore states to the Union, while Congress wanted to Reconstruct the formerly seceded states. Lincoln and Johnson, at one time, agreed that restoration was a job to be overseen by the president and not Congress, but as Douglass continued to speak out about reasons for deeper changes, Lincoln was gaining more and more of Douglass’ hope of success. Lincoln had begun seeking the counsel from Douglass in 1864.

“On the occasion of Abraham Lincoln’s 2nd inauguration, Douglass wrote in his 1881 Life and Times of Fredrick Douglass, Johnson revealed his racism in a glance, while Lincoln reached out to his Black guest as an equal. Douglass further contrasted Lincoln and Johnson on that day: “Mr. Lincoln was like one who was treading the hard and thorny path of duty and self-denial; Mr. Johnson was like one just from a drunken debauch.” Frederick Douglass, chapter 3

In Lincoln’s last address he stated:

  1. That the Southern states had in fact seceded, but they would be re-aligned in proper relationship with the Union — This opinion differed from his Vice President.
  2. All states in the Union would support the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery.
  3. He wanted states to consider Black suffrage and at least allow Black soldiers who had fought for the Union to be given the right to vote.
  4. He also stated the benefit of public schools equally to Black and White students.

Abraham Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth on April 14th. The President died on April 15, 1865. This is the day that Andrew Johnson became President of the United States.

  • Johnson did not believe in Southern secession. He believed a person could secede but not a state.
  • Johnson called for an end of slavery during the Civil War.
  • Johnson loved being known as “Moses” to Black people
  • He had made many statements about punishing Southern traitors
  • Slavery was abolished by the 13th Amendment and Lincoln’s Republicans were ready for Reconstruction but Johnson felt that was a job solely for the President to oversee.

Congress wanted a full Reconstruction which meant that all Confederate leaders would be stripped of their positions. Plantation owners would lose parcels of their land to give to freed people. Political and social equality would be given to freed people.

For 5 years Johnson had written and spoken in conjunction with some of these ideals yet within a month of his presidency he announced in his Amnesty Proclamation that he would offer pardons to nearly anyone who asked for them. He would restore Confederate states and their leaders, as they had always been and he, alone, would over see Reconstruction. To be allowed back into good standing with to the Union all the ex-Confederate states had to do was make a statement of loyalty to the United States, ratify the 13th Amendment (although they were allowed to perceive the Amendment however they saw fit) and they had to make a statement of regret that they had seceded the Union (even though Johnson didn’t believe they had seceded.)

Johnson believed that slavery had caused the Civil War and since slavery was abolished with the 13th Amendment, there was no war. No war, meant no Reconstruction — just a quick restoration of the 11 ex-Confederate states he was overseeing.

“Slavery has left its poison behind it, both in the veins of the slave and in those of the enslaver.” Frederick Douglass

The 13th Amendment left Black American’s rights and citizenship up to the perception of each state. This quickly made a bad situation worse for many Black Americans. Senator Charles Sumner, Congressman Thaddeus Stevens and U.S. Secretary of the Interior, Carl Schurz all communicated with Johnson about the freed people that were falling by the hand of White people. All were ignored.

The 14th Amendment was ratified on July 28, 1868. It granted citizenship and equal civil and legal rights to Black Americans and freed slaves that had been born in the United States. The Amendment did not apply to Native Americans. It also left room for states to their own due process of the law which left Black people with little protections.

Douglass had thought Black people should be suddenly be treated equal in every way but as President Johnson was not addressing Reconstruction or pushing equal rights at a Federal level, he began to understand the need for Black organizations to form in order to educate fellow Black people and push for equal rights.

“How can you, in view of your professed desire to promote the welfare of the Black man, deprive him of all means of defense, and clothe him whom you regard as his enemy [the former slaveholders] in the panoply of political power?” They instructed the president that peace between the races “would not be achieved” by degrading one race and exalting another, by giving power to one race and withholding it from another, but by maintaining a state of equal justice between all classes.” Black Delegates to President Johnson, chapter 6

On February 19, 1866 President Johnson vetoed Congress’ extension of the Refugees, Freedmen and Abandoned Lands AKA Freedman’s Bureau. Congress rallied and got the votes to keep the Freedman’s Bureau active a little while longer.

  • Located in Washington D.C. and throughout ex-Confederate states
  • Offered services to about 4 million freed people in the South
  • Distributed food and clothing
  • Medical Assistance
  • Legal protection and guidance on contracts
  • Tried to make sure Blacks were fairly compensated for their work
  • Set up schools and training institutes
  • Confiscated lands from the Southern plantation owners for redistribution to the thousands of formerly enslaved people
  • Offered police protection for free people

Johnson also vetoed the Congress’ Civil Right’s Act, affirming that all native born people (except Native Americans) were citizens of the United States. Congress overrode that veto also.

The Memphis Riot of 1866 (Memphis Massacre) took place May 1-3.

  • Over 45 Black people were killed and hundreds were injured
  • 2-3 White people were killed. One was killed for talking to Black people. The others were killed with their own weapons.
  • Was begun by a false rumor that a Black soldier had killed a White police officer
  • Police and a White mob burned the Black churches, schools and residences, shot randomly at Black people and raped Black women.

Many people felt this confirmed President Johnson’s fears of race wars and blamed Black people. However many media outlets and Radical Republicans cast the blame on White policemen and the Johnson Administration.

On July 30, 1866 unarmed Black Delegates marched to the Mechanics Institute in New Orleans. Their goal was to make the state’s constitution more inclusive. When they reached the institute, White police officers and other aggressive White mobsters shouted insults back and forth and the police began shooting their guns. Although the Black people wove white flags of surrender, the police shot all the men.

  • The mayor and city officials refused to step in
  • 48 Black people died and over 200 were wounded
  • White supporters were also killed
  • Wounded Black Delegates were arrested and charged with inciting a riot
  • Not one White person was charged with murder

When Johnson vetoed the Freedman’s Bureau Bill and The Civil Rights Bill, he lost support of his own party in Congress. The riots had made things worse. While giving a speech in Cleveland, Ohio on September 3, 1866, someone heckled Johnson, placing some of the blame for the riot in New Orleans on him. Johnson’s infuriated response was reprinted nationwide.

As people continued to lay blame on the president he continued to lay blame on the Republicans and Freedman’s Bureau, stating that their policies made slaves of White people. This is what caused the topic of impeachment to come up. People didn’t care for Johnson’s violent talk against other leaders. They also felt he lacked the decorum expected of a United States President…Reading about our 17th president does seem reminiscent of our 45th president.

The 14th Amendment gave birth right citizenship and equal rights to Black Americans but not suffrage. Douglass could understand how a person with equal rights could constitutionally take the right to vote away from another person.

January 5, 1867 President Johnson vetoed Washington D.C.’s Franchise Law, granting voting rights to Black men. Congress overrode his veto.

Reasons given by many for impeachment of President Johnson:

  • Drunken behavior
  • Racist efforts to undermine Reconstruction
  • Usurping the power of the Legislative Branch
  • Many blamed Johnson for loss of life in Memphis and New Orleans

None of these were reasons for Johnson’s impeachment. On February 24, 1868 Johnson was impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors. Johnson was impeached because he ignored a law that made it illegal for him to fire anyone whose appointment had been approved by the Senate. Namely, Secretary of War, Edwin M. Stanton in February of 1868. The law was part of The Tenure of Office Act Congress had created to constrain Johnson’s ability to fire and hire high-level officials. It was created after he had vetoed 2 Reconstruction Acts that Congress had had to overthrow. Johnson not only fired Stanton but replaced him with Lorenzo Thomas without Congressional approval.

Johnson vetoed that Freedman’s Bureau because he believed it was each state’s obligation to aid and protect Black people and not the Federal government. He argued that Black people had the same protection as White people in the ex-Confederate states. Congress overrode his vetoes so Johnson used his presidential power to protect Southern white landowners and fired bureau officials.

To impeach President Johnson, prosecutors from the House of Representatives would have to prove he had violated the terms of the Tenure of Office Act. Regardless of how many people felt about Reconstruction, the focus of the articles of impeachment were based mainly on the Tenure of Office Act and public opinion had to stay out as much as possible. There was one argument: it was illegal for Johnson to fire a Senate appointee while Senate was not in session. But that was only one of many little arbitrary arguments made during the trial.

Black Americans wanted Johnson to be convicted for being the “demented Moses of Tennessee.” He had promised to be a leader but was truly an oppressor who brought death and suffering to freed people. Benjamin Butler tried to argue against Johnson’s policies regarding Reconstruction but the judge would not hear his arguments.

Douglass saw impeachment of Johnson as a challenge to White Supremacy. He felt that Black Male Suffrage was the best way to fight White Supremacists. Douglass supported Women’s Suffrage but not at the expense of Black Male Suffrage and delaying reforms he had been advocating since the Civil War.

Douglass was upset that Republicans had failed to provide a fast impeachment but had wasted time arguing over technicalities. He felt that a conviction would mean, “that the fair South shall no longer be governed by Regulators and the Ku-Klux Klan, but by fair and impartial law.” Douglass’ reference to  Regulators was he he coined other White Supremacist groups.

The Republican Party became known for Reconstruction. They also became known for economic conservatism.

Johnson was acquitted by his party but he did not have their support for a 2nd term. Ulysses S. Grant and Schuyler Colfax would run and win as the 18th President and Vice President of the United States of American. Both men supported Black Suffrage but it was not included in the party platform.

The Democrats chose Horatio Seymour who was very racist and opportunistic. Frank P. Blair would have been his Vice President, had Seymour won. That fact that the Democrats could put forward potential leaders who hated Black Americans just as the 13th and 14th Amendments were ratified outraged Frederick Douglass and proved there was much more work to do.

Andrew Johnson was acquitted but the rest of his presidency was pretty futile, however the Democratic Party, which he now aligned himself with, had grown in size throughout that United States. When he returned to Tennessee in 1869, he tried to run for positions but no one wanted to vote for him. In 1875 he returned to Washington, D.C.:

  • Democrats were the majority party
  • Black Americans had achieved some representation in Congress and State House Representatives
  • The 15th Amendment allowed all United States citizens the right to vote
  • Grant created the Department of Justice to prosecute the Ku Klux Klan
  • Naturalization Act of 1870 allowed for people of African descent to apply for United States citizenship

Johnson was welcomed back to Congress and sworn in, only to serve a short time. He died of a stroke only 4 months later. Until his death Johnson recommended a path of moderation and calmness toward changes between the races.

“Put away your race prejudice. Banish the idea that one class must rule over another. Recognize the fact that the rights of the humble citizens are as worthy of protection as those of the highest, and your problem will be solved; and, whatever may be in store for it in the future, whether prosperity, or adversity; whether there shall be peace , or war, based upon the external principals of truth, justice, and humanity, and with no class having any cause of complaint or grievance, your Republic will stand and flourish forever.” Frederick Douglass, Epilogue

Some say that President Johnson failed at Reconstruction but that is not the view of Levine. The United States failed. There was just too much history to overcome by one war and 3 amendments. You can’t legislate humanity. I believe we are still working on Reconstruction. Much like this book review, which is not really a book review but a diagram of historic events, sometimes you have to take the long way.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine on Amazon.

~

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Failed Promise: Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew JohnsonThe Failed Promise: Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My wife picked this book out but couldn’t finish it, so I did. It was a heavy topic and I had to take several breaks. I also had to Google some topics that Levine didn’t explain well but overall I thought it was a great book and I intend to buy a copy so I can go through it again and my wife can read it without time constraints. Reconstruction is a broad part of United States’ history and one I think we are still going through it.

View all my reviews

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Addressing Mental Health Issues

Years ago I was at my friend’s house. My friend and their spouse had only begun addressing mental health issues with their spouse which had the potential to be a danger to them. I don’t remember if they had begun trying to find the right meds yet or not. Just because you start the process of finding medications, doesn’t mean that things get better. It took me several years to find the right blend and we still adjust my medications every once and a while and every person is different. My friend’s spouse has very different diagnosis’ than I do and a very different body. They had broken out in a terrible fight while I was there. The kind where the police might have been needed to bring peace back to the neighborhood because my friend’s spouse didn’t always keep the fights indoors.

One thing that I always respected about my friend’s spouse is that they tried to keep the fights away from their child. In response to the fight, I chose to check on their child, who was wide awake in their bed. They were scared. I sat on the side of the child’s bed and held their hand. I answered their questions. Their parents loved them and each other they just weren’t feeling well right now. We sat quietly and let our tears run down our cheeks until my friend came to let us know that everything was ok now.

Before Jesus came to find me, when I was 5, I never had anyone to hold my hand when the fighting started on the other side of the wall. The characters in my past were not that different than my friend and their spouse. One had the same diagnosis as my friend’s spouse and the other was raised trying to keep the peace and needing to be the provider. We all are Emotional Neglect Survivors and I have been in survival mode all my life.

I was born overly sensitive. I see, hear, taste, and feel things that go unnoticed by many; I always have. I am uncommon. Because I am overly sensitive I was perfect to be the scapegoat and I didn’t get my needs met because I naturally had an overly developed sense of responsibility for others…but not myself. Being a child of divorce, I had two camps and 3 parental figures and they were all, at one time, the scapegoat — at least that is what I can observe. If I keep peeling back the layers, I see that my great-grandparents were immigrants on both sides of my family. If that isn’t a test tube for dysfunction, I don’t what is. Every generation of my family is hard-working, strong, generous, creative, intelligent but there are cracks, as in any family. Some dysfunctional behaviors can be made to look so pretty you don’t realize they are a culture you pass down. I was told by a character in my past that if I am the only one bothered by something, it is my problem.

The truth is I am too sensitive for the petri dish I was raised in. I am not angry about it. I really have forgiven what I believe the characters in my past didn’t know what they were doing, in fact they had no intention of doing. The one dynamic of my past I don’t miss at all is gossip. Rarely did someone talk to me until a small situation was so morphed it was no longer true. Of course I would become enraged. I was only called to do something for someone. I can’t pretend it never hurt to be shown all the pictures of events I didn’t know about, while I showed them pictures of their dog I was watching so they could go…and they would be shocked to learn how much their dog enjoyed the fresh slices of sweet potatoes I gave them.

Why wouldn’t I want to go to the beach? To the park? To dance competitions? The kids’ school performances? Their birthday parties?

Off and on for 42 years I have been in different kinds of therapy…yes even as a small child. As a young adult, I became even more diligent for the last 27 years. I have been labeled lots of things in the last 9 years. Mental and physical. Some labels that were not available when I was a child when many of my issues were showing up. How can I be angry at parents that didn’t know that children could have chronic migraines? Neurodivergent wasn’t coined until 1998…(Social anxiety, Sensory processing issues, OCD are just a few I have always had). For whatever reason the people raising me did not hear me when I tried to tell them things. They didn’t listen to me enough that I quit telling them and so I did not get the help I needed. Honestly, I don’t think they had the ability to hear me. They had their own traumas that were never dealt with, their own physical and mental pains that were never healed because no one knew the term Emotional Neglect until recently. They were taught to work and that is what they did.

In the last 9 years, I have had numerous therapists. All of them told me to separate myself from the characters of my past. I didn’t want to. But I have. There are so many holes in my memory but I have a part of me I call Anna. She remembers my emotions. I am missing a lot of memories. I was in such intense survival mode, I hardly remember high school. I am sure it was great and that the people I went to school with were wonderful, but there are very few I remember. It is hard to have whole parts of my life gone. What is worse — walking into a room of people, you hardly see, and be flooded with emotions you can’t pinpoint. In the last year or so, I have begun having memories return as my brain has been able to heal. The meds and having a peaceful life is helping.

But I realize that there are nights I don’t sleep because I am tormented by conversations that never happened or situations that I am not sure happened because Anna wants to be justified for all these feelings she holds for characters that live in my head because I don’t hold space for them in my real life. I didn’t let the love go away but I had to let room for healing happen. I have to let them go if I am going to have quiet in my mind or any chance and reconciliation of any kind. I can’t get rid of Anna but I can parent her. She needs me to hold her hand and let the tears run down our cheeks sometimes. She needs to be told that I love her and we are choosing peace because the characters of our past didn’t know how to teach us that, but Jesus does.

So I have been thinking about how to let in more air and light. I can’t change anyone but me. I must change how I think because my thoughts are stealing my peace. I wouldn’t let my friend’s child continue to imagine negative things about their friends at school without suggesting some wisdom. I would tell them what my preschool teacher, Teacher Lou said: “If someone is mean to you, play with someone else.” This philosophy has worked for me in many situations. Anna doesn’t need to play with imagined characters and neither do I. If what I am feeling is a real memory that needs to be forgiven or sat with, we can do that, but if it is imagined then I am going to let them go. Either way we will ask Jesus to bless them and give us all good night’s sleep.

Just like any mental health issue the path continues; it never just gets better. Chronic is what chronic does so we learn to dance and move the best we can. Be kind. Be smart.

Read More

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Go to the Doctor

This morning I was having my morning scroll on Facebook and I saw a lovely lady that I used to work with was suffering with sinus pain and she was desperate. So desperate that she had asked people on Facebook what she should do to get relief. In frustration I typed what I type for every post I see that is similar to this one: Go to the doctor.

People have often asked me if I have Googled my symptoms…because I always have many. I don’t rely on the internet for knowledge because you don’t have to have a degree or any experience at all to write an article or to get the attention of others to validate you. If I were a celebrity, I could say anything and you might believe me. But since I am a normal person with chronic illness, my knowledge comes from personal experience and visits to my primary doctor and specialists and reading what they give me. Sometimes I back that up with articles on the Mayo Clinic site or other reputable sites, but I get most of my information from medical professionals because they know more than I do, I take a lot of prescriptions and I have a lot of sensitivities so over the counter medications are not always acceptable options for me. If I do ask a friend a question, it is my wife, Karen G Clemenson, or my sister, Jamie Holloway. Why? Because Karen goes to my appointments with me and she lives with me and she might remember something I don’t and Jamie has been chronic longer than me and she had experienced things I haven’t and I respect her input.

Even with all this experience we have, Karen and Jamie and I all ask each other: How long should you live with this before you see your doctor?

We didn’t used to say this to each other. We were raised by parents that were poor and didn’t see the doctor when they needed to and were proud to bear their pain. We learned to handle pain and sickness but even though Karen has the immune system straight from heaven, Jamie and I do not and we can’t ignore pain and sickness anymore. Neither do we encourage others to do so. I know sometimes it is hard to find a doctor that you trust but keep trying. Maybe you just need to go a few more times; they might be having a hard day or be a little shy. Doctors are human too.

Maybe you need more than your primary can offer. That is another conversation you need to have with your primary. If that headache is not going away or it is so severe you can function, maybe you need to see a neurologist or ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT). In these cases, you need to ask for a referral, if your primary isn’t offering one. The way the medical system is set up, especially in Longview, Washington, you must advocate for yourself. You have to come with questions and know the limitations of your primary. Seeing a specialist is more money and time but you are worth it. Your health is worth it.

So next time you’re not feeling well and it lasts longer than you can bear or longer than a week. Go to the doctor!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy

I am glad I didn’t purchase this book, as I had planned, but found Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy at the library instead. This book was a hard read. It was negative, I think it could have been organized better and I learned very little more than what I already knew about the N-word. The book was only 176 pages long and it took me forever to read because I just didn’t want to.

The word Nigger is derived from the Latin word for the color black; niger. According to the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. Nigger was not originally meant as a negative term but somewhere between 1619 when John Rolf recorded in his journal the first shipment of Africans to Virginia, and in 1837, when in A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States, and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them, Hosea Easton wrote that nigger “is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [Blacks] as an inferior race.” Chapter 1

In 1985 social psychologists tested groups of White college students judging Black and White debaters. After the debates people nearby spoke of the Black contestants as niggers, or in a non-racial way, but negative way, and some made no comment at all. The psychologists found that the speakers that were slurred tended to have lower scores than the other debaters. This led them to believe this could have an effect on parole board hearings, promotion committee meetings, and jury deliberations. Chapter 2

Three Theories About the Use of the N-Word:

  1. The long and ugly history of the white racist and subordination of Black Americans should disqualify Whites from using this word.
  2. The equity earned through oppression grants Blacks cultural ownership rights so they should be allowed to monopolize on the slur’s cultural capital.
  3. White people do not have enough intimate knowledge of Black culture to use the N-word properly.

In one part of the book there are lists of rhymes and songs that were popular at some point in time. I was raised in a white family and in a white town. My parents were careful about what I watched on TV. I didn’t hear or see the N-word until I was old enough to look it up in the dictionary. I was surprised when I saw a familiar rhyme in this book but it had a word in it that was wrong. I never liked this rhyme because I wouldn’t want to catch anything by it’s toe. I didn’t want to hurt anything and I imagine that it would hurt to be caught by your toe. Sometimes it is fun to be “little girls” my wife and I asked her about this rhyme, hoping she could remember the word:

Eany-Meeny-Miney-Mo!
Catch a nigger by the toe!
If he hollers, let him go!
Eany-Meeny-Miney-Mo!

When she got to “nigger” her whole countenance changed as if someone had stepped on her shoulders. When she saw the shock in my face, she said “Tiger.”

My wife wasn’t raised in a white family or a white town. I forget that sometimes. I wish I hadn’t asked her about that rhyme because obviously someone had used those words to demean her and take her beautiful smile off her face. Now I really hate that rhyme.

On a side note, I never forgot what that dictionary at the school library said the meaning of the word nigger was: a four legged animal. I can’t find a dictionary that says that anymore.

In our home we don’t use the N-word unless we are talking about the use of it. We understand that some black households believe that they have the right to the ownership of it but in the mixing of cultures it too easy to misread a room. We agree that using the word nigger stops us from moving forward. It is important to know our history, learn from it and to not hide our history, but we don’t need to warp it and wear it like a blanket filled with holes and rot.

“The persistent viability of the N-word in the Black community, is a scar from centuries of cultural racism.” Professor Halford, H Fairchild, Chapter 3

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Nigger The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome WordNigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was a hard read. I felt like it could have been organized better. The topic, itself, was hard and I don’t really feel like I learned anything.

View all my reviews

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

It Is Time to be Brave

On Saturday night Queer people met at the one LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs, Colorado, a very conservative community, where they felt they could be themselves, Club Q. They were dancing, laughing and having a great time when Anderson Lee Aldrich walked in with a long rifle and two firearms and opened fire, killing 5 people and injuring 25 others. He was overtaken by two people who attacked him and stopped the shooting. At this time, Aldrich will face multiple murder and hate crime charges yet he has no bond and the docket does not reflect whether Aldrich has retained an attorney at this time. It is time to be brave.

In 2019, Colorado passed a red flag law that allows family members, roommates or law enforcement to petition a judge to temporarily remove a person’s firearms if they are a risk. In June of 2021, Aldrich was arrested for a bomb threat situation, yet he was allowed to keep his firearms.

We must mourn this loss of life and trust and then be brave. Be angry but not sin. This is just one of many terrible things that humans have done to each other but we must not let this let the darkness become who we are because we were made to be the light of the world. We were supposed to unlearn fear and choose love and be love to a world that is confused.

My wife, Karen G Clemenson, asked me the other night, after I had told her what I had learned about the actual first Thanksgiving, which is not at all what we were taught in grade school, does that make me feel good? What did I plan to do with that knowledge? I told her the same thing. I plan to mourn the fact that I was lied to. I plan to mourn the loss of life of innocent people. I plan to become a person with a greater ability to empathize with others. That doesn’t mean that I wont celebrate Thanksgiving in a way that honors my belief in being thankful to God for the blessings He pours over us every day, the people that we have to love, the roof over our heads, medical care, books to read, the ability to think, clothes to wear and food to eat.

Does it make me sad that these beautiful people were attacked on the eve of Trans Day of Remembrance? It makes me feel a lot of things. Sadness is just one emotion. I feel angry, disgusted and exhausted. People should be able to live their lives in peace.

It also seems to make me connect with the fact that Donald Trump threw his hat in the ring for President in the next election, last Tuesday. I believe that everyone has the right to believe what they believe, but that also means that I have a right to believe what I believe. I believe that Trump is a power hungry man that doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I believe he is an emotional neglect survivor that is abusive and spews the violence that he knows and encourages the same.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heard, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Luke 6:45

I think Trump encourages White Supremacists and people that hate to come out of hiding. I am not against Republicans. I am against hateful people.

Hateful people are everywhere, whether they are attacking queer people or Native Americans, Black people or other people groups. We must be brave and mourn what must be mourned and then look at what can be learned and love even more. It is not always easy. Society tends to push us towards hatred and it may seem that by being against hateful people that I am saying I hate them but that is not the case. I pray for people that hurt me. I may separate myself from them if I feel I can’t be loving towards them but I try to refrain from negative speech and I try to be honest without being violent in my words.

It is ok to be sad and mourn but we also must be brave and love with all our hearts. Be well my friend. I am thankful for you.

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Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: But, Why Did You Stay? Why Don’t You Just Leave Him?

This article was originally published on October 20, 2022 on WellnessWorksNW.com.

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Karen G Clemenson asked me to write something regarding the topic. Domestic Violence is a hard topic and I didn’t take it lightly, but I also didn’t want to repeat the same things we have written before so I contacted Sarah Hancock at the Emergency Support Shelter. Since Karen is on the board at ESS, Sarah was glad to loan me a couple of books she thought were very powerful to read: But, Why Did You Stay? by Mekisha Jane Walker and Why Don’t You Just Leave Him? by Stacey Jameson. These books were not hard to read but they were a difficult topic and I found myself feeling a lot of emotions.

“Depending on when in the relationship you asked, ‘But, why did you stay?’ I would give you a different answer. In the beginning, I stayed because I loved him, and I believed I could help him change. For better or for worse…Toward the end, love morphed to fear that overcame my ability to get out of the relationship.” But, Why Did You Stay by Mekisha Jane Walker, Chapter 1

Details about Walker and her husband Luke:

  • Walker was a successful criminal trial attorney but was too afraid to leave her abusive husband
  • Luke had deep emotional scars lying dormant that she didn’t know about before she married him
  • Luke was irritated with Walker’s close friends, especially male friends — even if they had partners
  • Luke had a bad childhood and Walker thought she could “love him” thought it
  • Luke had no empathy for Walker’s migraines
  • Luke was self-absorbed and everything was Walker’s fault
  • Luke was a textbook narcissist and master manipulator
  • Luke humiliated Walker in public
  • Luke broke Walker’s things when he got upset
  • There were signs of emotional abuse before the marriage
  • Verbal and physical abuse began after the marriage
  • Luke guarded the mail to intercept money for his secret bank account while spending Walker’s money too
  • Luke blamed his bad behavior on his bad childhood and his mother’s death

Walker came from a supportive middle-class family. She was educated, smart and devoted to her career. She had lots of friends and acquaintances. She had a few romantic relationships, but they were not great and she let them go. Her relationship with Luke began fast and hard…

“He was attentive to a level I had not experienced before. The conversation was always about me. He was always checking on me, holding my hand and treating me like a princess. He put me on a pedestal that I didn’t want to come down from…I fell in love so quickly that looking back it is downright scary. Today, I realize that I fell in love with the way he treated me and how he made me feel because I had no clue who he really was in that short amount of time.” Why Did You Stay by Mekisha Jane Walker, Chapter 2

Walker had no idea that Luke had abused his previous wife. He had a son from this marriage, that he forced his ex to give up her rights to, and Walker adopted him. She was always trying to keep the peace to no avail. When she became pregnant she hoped he would not hit her, but that was not the case. She had become very good at covering bruises and marks with makeup and scarves. Walker had gone to great lengths to avoid the “victim’ label for her entire marriage.

The abuse happens to all loved ones as much as the victim. Walker didn’t realize that her family was confused by her husband’s behavior when they were together, which was as little as possible. He had slowly isolated Walker as much as he could.

The background in Stacey Jameson’s story was much different. Growing up Jameson’s mom called her names, was angry all the time, and made her feel like a burden who was meant to absorb her pain. After her parents divorce, her mother did what she could to keep Jameson and her siblings away from her father.

Jameson and Leon met when they were 13-years-old. Leon’s parents fought and they also encouraged stealing. Jameson overlooked this because they had created a sense of family for her.

Details about Jameson and her husband Leon:

  • Leon was a bully at school
  • Leon was possessive and controlling toward Jameson and increasingly violent until she was equally in love and terrified of him
  • Jameson would believe Leon was sorry and messed up by his stress at home
  • Jameson thought Leon must love her to be so jealous
  • Jameson knew her feelings were and obsession — she didn’t care how Leon treated her as long as she had him
  • At 17 Jameson got pregnant and her mother forced her to have an abortion
  • Jameson had been taught to be submissive and take responsibility for other people’s behaviors while Leon was dominant and abusive — their marriage was doomed
  • Jameson and Leon were married at 19

Jameson was sure she had to leave the oppressive home of her mother — even if it meant putting up with possible abuse from Leon.

Leon had been conditioned to never hit where it would leave a mark that clothing wouldn’t cover. He often pulled her hair and hit her in her torso area, arms and legs. He had learned this from how his father treated his mother. He had extremely high standards for cleanliness in the home and the children. Jameson felt like a slave in her home. She never had any help; even when she was very ill, she was abused for being negative and ruining the day with her bad attitude.

Not unlike Luke, Leon had new clothes, cars and went out when he wanted to while their wives struggled to make due with what they had.

“That is what the abuse feeds on — your strength — like a parasite feeding on all your pride, dignity, self-belief, and confidence. Because they have none, they thrive on feeding off yours.” Why Don’t You Just Leave Him? by Stacey Jameson, Chapter 22

Reading some of the humiliation these women went through, it is not hard to wonder why they stayed but to be honest, if I just waited and thought a bit, there are moments in my younger days that I allowed myself to be abused. Not physically but emotionally. But abuse is abuse and until you are ready to change your circumstances, you stay. Some people don’t leave for financial reasons or fear of being judged, there are many reasons to stay; there is security in the known, even if it is painful.

How to help a friend or family member that is being abused:

  • Talk about options
  • Don’t add pressure — they have enough
  • Done expect them to follow your timetable
  • Let them know you are always available
  • Avoid comments that sound condescending — you don’t know what their life is like and you don’t know what they are feeling
  • Respect their decision no matter what

If you are being abused or know someone that is being abused that needs support there are confidential and free resources available at Emergency Support Shelter for anyone that needs it, no matter what your gender or age. You don’t have to leave but if you are ready, or you just need support until you are ready to leave, or if you have been victimized and you need help, there are people there to help you heal.

ESS offers the following services:

  • Domestic Violence Advocacy and Shelter
  • Sexual Assault Advocacy
  • Crime Victim Advocacy 
  • Sexual Exploitation & Labor Trafficking Advocacy

www.emergencysupportshelter.com ~ call 24/7 360-425-1176 ~ or ~ text 360-726-1003

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233

I have to say I really admire the strength and courage these women showed to write their stories. I know that other people have been helped by their stories. Yes, they took a lot of abuse, but when they were ready they got help and got away from their abusers. This took extreme bravery, when they were exhausted and probably felt like they had no other choice. People living in abusive relationships deserve our compassion and support. I am glad we have programs in our area that can offer this to people needing to get free from abuse.

I would like to thank Sarah at Emergency Support Shelter for loaning me these books to read. I searched the Longview Public Library database and these books are not available there, but you can purchase your own copy of But, Why Did You Stay by Mekisha Jane Walker and Why Don’t You Just Leave Him? by Stacey Jameson on Amazon.

Read My Review of But, Why Did You Stay by Mekisha Jane Walker on GoodReads:

But, Why Did You Stay?: How I Survived Domestic ViolenceBut, Why Did You Stay?: How I Survived Domestic Violence by Mekisha Walker
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Very intense. Domestic Violence is hard topic. This woman is amazing.

View all my reviews

Read My Review of Why Don’t You Just Leave Him? by Stacey Jameson on GoodReads:

Why Don't You Just Leave Him?: A True Story of Domestic Violence.Why Don’t You Just Leave Him?: A True Story of Domestic Violence. by Stacey Jameson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This story of Domestic Violence is brutal. This woman was groomed from birth to be violated for life yet she eventually was able to get free. This was a hard read but a good one.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Are You a TERF?

Recently I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a new friend on Messenger that helped me grow a new wrinkle on my brain, the one place I want as many wrinkles as possible. Her name isn’t really Susan, but I wasn’t sure she wanted me to share her real name so I gave her a name that people, for some reason, often mistake my name for:

Susan: Are You are TERF?

Me: I don’t understand. What do you mean?

Susan: There is a certain comedian that had gone out of their way to include transphobic material in their comedy routines. A TERF is a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Me: “Well, I didn’t know they did that. And I am not judgmental towards anybody in the family. I just agreed with the statement, in this scenario. They are also an atheist and I don’t agree with them on that level either. I don’t think I will ever meet them so there is no chance we will be friends, but if we do meet, I will ask them why they pick on such beautiful people just for money. It only makes them look small. Do I need to take the post down?”

Susan: “It would make me more comfortable if you did. This post resonates with me on the terms of some of the transphobic things they have said.’

Me: “Thank you for telling me about your feelings and this term.”

Susan: “I’m glad we could have some amount of dialogue over it and move forward.”

Me: “I am too. The post is gone.”

Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism is a form of transphobia or specifically trans-misogyny that targets trans women and trans-feminine people.

There does seem to be a group of lesbians and radical feminists that believe that including trans-females “erases” them or makes them less relevant,. There are events in Europe where trans-females have been excluded which have caused angst with groups that support both lesbians and trans-females.

In the purest form of feminism, all genders have equal rights and opportunities and there is respect for diversity, experiences, identities, knowledge, strength and striving for women, and everyone to realize their full rights.

Some feminists do not see transgender females as women; they feel as though since this group of people were assigned male at birth, they are privy to male privilege and can’t fully appreciate the subordinate social position of women in society. These women believe that by choosing to live as a female, transgender females are exercising another form of male entitlement. This reason has allowed them to exclude trans women from womanhood and women-only spaces, creating a sex-based oppression.

These radical feminists are losing footing in the United States as annual events are seeing artists boycott events that exclude transgender women. One trans woman that was excluded from Michfest in 2014 said, “it’s not really wanting to invade space. It’s a deep-seated wanting to belong.” But she added, “if you’re identifying with women, shouldn’t you be empathizing with women?” What is a Women; The New Yorker

Why is is wrong to look at only biological gender as a marker for gender? Because there are many differences that make the female experience different. Race, sexuality and social status make a difference in the experiences of womanhood, let alone the binary construct that gender dwells on. Trans females and trans-feminine people face very serious oppression and suffer with high rates of violence, homelessness, poverty, sexual assault and healthcare discrimination. Women’s spaces and resources need to be available to them, including shelters, survivor support, health care, and bathrooms all need to be made available to every person; trans-men may need pregnancy and related services as well. By alienating trans-females, cis women that are more masculine have been targeted because people have assumed they are trans.

I am really glad that Susan reached out to me and not just because we got to share really cute pictures of our cats after we were done talking about TERFs but because she helped me learn about a topic I wouldn’t have learned about otherwise. When I referred to “the family” I was talking to all queer folks whether they are an L-G-B-T-Q-I or A, we need to stick together and support each other not just because we suffer persecution sometimes but because we are fellow humans. As humans we can all relate to each other, knowing that we all suffer, we all want to grow and we all seek joy.

I wish you well.

Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

I Don’t Accept

Years ago I was trying to be part of a group of people, learning to use their prophetic gifts. I was very uncomfortable because I didn’t feel like I fit in but I wanted to learn from them so I kept going. As they took turns prophesying over each other, I wondered why no one spoke over me and I heard God tell me that He would be the only one that He would allow to speak over me. As someone trying to be part of a group this was a buzzkill but as a believer, this was a really cool word…that I didn’t feel I could share with anyone in the group and not hurt their feelings…

True to His word, no one has tried to speak over me and when I have volunteered myself for prayer, I have paid the price by bringing other people’s junk home to fight with until I figured out what to give to God so I would be free. Not fun.

I generally, take this in stride. I don’t read a lot of opinions of man. I stick to my bible. The Word is alive to me and I can read the same verse over and over again and get something new each time. My talks with God are informal. He made me. I don’t have to be fancy.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

Yesterday a person sent me an article to read. I was surprised because I haven’t had a face to face talk with this person since The Red Rooster was open in Downtown Longview, WA…I really loved their baked peach fritters! If anyone knows where I can find baked peach fritters I would love to know!

I read the article. it was ok. The premise was good but there was a manipulative spirit on it. I stayed with the positive and thanked them for the article and asked them why they sent it to me since we rarely interact. I was surprised by their answer but took it quietly. They told me that I was overly critical of myself and I should read the free book on the site so that I could better understand my identity in Christ.

I know my identity in Christ very well. I assured them it was my identity on this earth I was having trouble with and then I went to talk to God. I also thought about their words a lot. I appreciate them thinking of me, they obviously thought this book was very good and might be of help to me, like it was to them. I asked God to bless them. I felt criticized by their words and I wondered if maybe they were too critical of their own self, so I asked God that if that were true, that He would free them. I even asked that if there was any truth to their words towards me that He heal me but that was just covering my bases.

I couldn’t get it out of my head so I decided to send them another message:

I have learned to not get defensive right away when people tell me observations they have of me. I am wondering why you think I am overly critical of myself? We haven’t had a face to face conversation in years.

They answered that they could tell by the content of my posts.

To which I replied:

I have thought about your comment a lot and I don’t accept it. I used to be very critical of myself because that is all I knew. I grew up being criticized always and was around people that criticized me, themselves and others all the time. I am not around them anymore and I have worked hard to overcome those habits.

What you are reading is me being honest with myself. I used to not know myself. Now I do. Self-acceptance is very important to me because I never had the chance to do that before. I am a brutally honest person but those statements are not criticisms they are just statements of being, right now.

I know I am right where God wants me to be. He has worked so many miracles in my life and I have learned so much I don’t take any of it for granted. Is it a struggle sometimes? Yes, but struggle is where growth happens and I want to be growing and He knows that. So my truth is my thank You to Him because I am here to acknowledge that I am here now and wherever I am tomorrow it will be because He knows I am ready for the next step.

I don’t believe this person was trying to hurt me in any way. But I am thankful for this moment to look at their statement about where they think I am and say I don’t accept. This is important because so many times in my life, people who were well meaning, spoke negative things over me and I wasn’t able to say, “No,” and now I am.

Oh, bless our God, you peoples! And make the voice of His praise to be heard, who keeps our soul among the living, and does not allow our feet to be moved. For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid afflicted on our backs. You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through the fire and through water; but You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

Psalm 66:8-12

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

What Are Gap People?

I told someone today I was a Gap Person. I wasn’t talking about someone that shops at The Gap; I don’t do that.

“Believe it or not, homelessness is incredibly expensive to a community. The most cost-effective way for the community to respond to homelessness is to prevent it in the first place.” Cowlitz 5 Year Homeless Housing Plan Updated 11.25.19.pdf

When I read this statement I get a little defensive because my family has been in the system for a long time. In fact, for the last 8 years we have never had a lease in our name. We have either lived with friends or in hotels or motels, while we worked with organizations that were excited to help us until they got to know us.

What have we learned? I can’t live with other people successfully. I can’t live in the Highlands. I can’t live with bugs and yelling voices, fighting and police cars showing up regularly. I have also learned that there a lot of people that work very hard and make enough money to pay the rent but nothing else.

Those people that are an expense to the community that the Cowlitz 5 Year Homeless Housing Plan refers to are the people who live on the street and/or make waves. They get arrested. They make trouble. They make messes. Not because they are bad people, necessarily, they just need help and are very loud about it. When I am properly medicated and I feel relatively safe, I don’t make much noise at all. In order to get help I have to go to a shelter. That is what VIP wants us to do.

I have to give up my Emotional Support Animal to do that. Xavier is not allowed there. My 15-year-old kitty would have to be re-homed. I am not going to do that.

Living with other people eventually leads me to negative thoughts; suspicious thoughts and then the rest of my mind goes to bad places. I might even end up on the Behavioral Health floor at the hospital. Who needs or wants that?

The goal of the 5 Year Plan is to house more veterans, disabled and mentally ill…Hello! My wife is a veteran (with 3 jobs) and I am disabled and mentally ill…we are also a black and queer family if you want to hit a few more stats.

Do you know that since we can never save any money that we can’t ever think of moving out of this nice hotel? I can’t have a kitchen. I can’t grow anything in dirt. We have to drive to find a pretty place to take a walk and forget going out of town for fun. We work hard to keep our minds positive but sometimes it is really hard. We are both really tired.

You probably know other Gap People. We are not the only ones. The definition of homelessness is pretty open. We have friends that live in their cars too. You wont know unless you know what to look for, or they trust you enough to ask you to charge their back up battery or maybe come over for a shower.

Those people living on Alabama are not the only ones that need help. I am praying for all of us. Even the ones who are living in nice houses with more than enough resources because we all need to be kinder to each other.

I thank God every day because I know that I am very blessed. I have a roof over my head and a family that grounds me and loves me. I know that there are many people that don’t have that. I have never been hungry or naked or without a shower for longer than I wanted to be. Even the wars in my mind, I know aren’t real most of the time.

I pray you can respect every person you meet today. You don’t really know what they are battling. Gap people are really good at hiding that they are trapped. And for people that are not in the gap but having a really bad moment, give them some space. They don’t want to hurt you. They may not even know you are you.

We all need to be saved sometimes.

Read More:

Cowlitz 5 Year Homeless Housing Plan Updated 11.25.19.pdf created December 2, 2019 by Danielle Rylander and updated by Emily Strange for the Washington State Department of Commerce

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

A New Chapter

Do you ever just feel like something is about to change? You don’t know what it is but you feel an ambition to do things you haven’t had before? Well, I have to say, I feel a new chapter coming on.

I have reached the point that I have over 300 posts on my blog and that was no easy task. I am not sure that the book reviews are where I will stay but it gives me something to write about and that it is good. It also inspires me to keep reading and that is also a plus.

I feel like God is pushing me towards something; maybe a dream that I don’t know how to achieve on my own.

One of the verses in my bible study today was 3 John 1:2:

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

Writing is a great hobby but if my dream is to have guardianship over children and give them a well-loved, cultured, educated and even a bit of a traveled life, I need to find a way to do that and hobbies don’t provide money. I don’t have a body that can work a physical job and I want to be at home with the children we are entrusted with, I could do that as a writer…something I have always wanted to be. So…since college is not on the table right now, and I don’t have children right now, I will read everything I can get my hands on and write for practice and see what happens.

I am reading a collection of essays by William Deresiewicz entitled The End of Solitude. In one of his articles he writes:

“A recent article in the New York Times proclaimed the gladsome tidings. ‘New support for the value of fiction,’ it announced, ‘is arriving from an unexpected quarter: neuroscience.’ Our brains light up like Christmas trees, it turns out, when we are exposed to narrative language. Not only that, but reading fiction increases our ability to empathize with others.” The End of Solitude; Chapter 30 — Studies Show Arts Have Value — by William Deresiewicz

I am not surprised by this bit of information at all. I can read all day long and research all the facts I want but when I really see emotional growth is when I let myself enjoy my favorite genre, historical fiction. Deresiewicz’s essays are interesting and stretch my brain about topics I have put little time into learning; they are important to my personal growth, but I was resenting them until I picked up Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson. That little break helped me to embrace the growth that was to come with the next 10 essays. And now as I have begun reading The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenigger, I will gladly finish Deresiewicz’s criticism of the art forms around him.

So yesterday I spent much of the day combining many of my To Read lists. I found nearly 300 books I want to read, until my sister, Jamie Holloway, reminded me about my GoodReads list…thanks Sister! Today I updated my Twitter and LinkedIn profiles. I really have gotten to where I agree with Deresiewicz in chapter 4 where he says: Technology claims to save humanity but it actually seems to abolish what is most human, which puts culture against culture.

I didn’t really have to read that to feel how impersonal social media is. I have alienated all my social media accounts except Facebook which I only peruse daily, hoping for something positive to share. I post on my blog when I have something to say because I don’t want to be censored. But in the end, I realize that people are using these tools so if I want to share my ideas on my blog, and want to have people see them, I need to be using social media to reach the people. Who knows? Maybe my faith will be rekindled…or maybe I will still feel more like going to find real people to talk to..either way I need an audience.

I would really love some feedback. If you want to suggest a topic I would love to write about it. Let me know!

Enjoy your day!

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review that isn’t a Book Review: Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD

I have been working on my mental health most of my life. The first time I saw a counselor was when I was 5-years-old. I wasn’t handling the death of my great-grandmother well, so I began seeing the school counselor. I was never a stranger to the school counselor. Once out of school, I saw therapists off and on throughout the years but I really started digging deep when I was 25-years-old with my pastor. Since then I have been to many therapists. My current therapist specializes in trauma and she began using the term Emotional Neglect Survivor with me about a year ago and suggested the book Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD.

To take Emotional Neglect Questionnaire go online to:
/https://drjonicewebb.com/cen-questionnaire/

I didn’t take the test until I had finished reading the book, which I have to say I fought with. Not because it was hard to read, because it wasn’t. It was as if all the work I had been doing for the last 26 years was stuffed into 229 pages and there were proper words put into some of what I had been working through. After sitting with my thoughts for a day, I think it was just hard to know this. I am not surprised that I got 16 out of 22 on the questionnaire.

The Ordinary Healthy Parent in Action:

    1. Parent feels an emotional connection to the child.
    2. Parent pays attention to the child and sees him as a unique and separate person, rather than an extension of the parent, a possession or a burden.
    3. Using the parent/child emotional connections and paying attention, the parent responds competently to the child’s emotional needs.

I had to force myself to pay attention to the reading for the first two chapters. My natural tendency to dissociate was strong as I read. I know I have always been loved but my parents did not have all the tools they needed.

Being an extension or having the feeling of ownership was commonly felt or seen as I grew up in my family. Often I felt I was a burden, an extension and a possession. I did not express my needs because at my father’s house, he thought my mother was taking care of me and at my mother’s house, she was too overwhelmed. I got my first job at 10-years-old and began buying what I could for myself. I also helped with bills, car repairs and insurance before I was even out of high school. I was not asked. I bought expensive gifts for my sisters, who were treated more preferably. I bought gifts for my mother, for my sisters to give to her. I definitely had an extreme sense of responsibility.

When my father left, I was expected to do a lot of what he did: repairs, I could manage, holding the door for my mother, care of my sisters, who were only 3 and 5 years younger than me. I also had to learn to clean and cook at age 9 years. My sisters were taught to overlook me. I was called names and yelled at and never defended, unless I fell apart. All of this has been flooding back as I read this book. Mental health care is not for the weak.

Types of Emotional Neglectful Parents:

    1. The Narcissistic Parent – They see their kids as extensions of themselves and not separate people. The needs of the children are defined by the needs of the parent and when the child expresses their needs they are accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.
    2. The Authoritarian Parent – Children are expected to obey without explanation or any exception for individual needs, temperament or feelings of individual children.
    3. The Permissive Parent – Provides no limits, structure or a strong adult presence against which the child can relate against.
    4. The Bereaved Parent – Divorced or Widowed and desperately trying to cope while grieving.
    5. The Addicted Parent – Compulsive behaviors that effect time, behavior and resources. While parents are engaged in addictive behaviors they are not actively parenting. They are like 2 people.
    6. The Depressed Parent – Tends to disappear, they are turned inward, focused themselves and what is wrong with themselves, worried about if they will make it. Children don’t know how to get positive attention. Bad behavior, at least gets some attention.
    7. The Workaholic Parent – Often driven, successful people that work long hours and are obsessed by their jobs and tend to not pay attention to the needs and feelings of their children.
    8. The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member – Care-giving parents are always in crisis mode and adults responsibilities are often put on the child even if unintentionally.
    9. The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent – Pressures their child to be perfect and achieve what the parent wants, maybe because they expect perfection from themselves or they are living vicariously through their child, or maybe because they were raised the same way and that is what they know.
    10. The Sociopathic Parent – Feels no guilt or empathy. Other people’s feelings are meaningless because they can’t feel them. If they can control you, they may feel love for you, but if they can’t, they may despise you, be a bully or play the victim.
    11. Child as Parent – Child must behave as a parent to themselves, siblings and even to parent in extreme cases. This is common in families with hardships like death, divorce, financial, addiction, mental illness or chronic illness.
    12. The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves-Parent – Parents that weren’t raised in homes where emotions were acknowledged or dealt with properly often don’t know how to foster this in their children even though they love their children. They simply recreate their own childhood experiences.

I can’t in good conscience call this article a book review, although I am sharing good information from the book, I am also sharing my honest responses, which believe it or not, are censored. This makes this an honest opinion piece. Because of divorce, I was raised with 3 parents. Because of their idiosyncrasies, my parents, from my perspective, fit 9 of the 12 types of ENPs and in reality if someone were to ask my siblings their feelings, they might come up with a different number that is lessor or greater than mine because we had different parents, depending on the situation and who’s house we were in.

The most important type of parent, and the point that is frequently brought up throughout the book, which I really appreciate is The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves-Parent. Fostering good emotions is a very new concept. I had what I needed, not a lot, but I had a roof over my head, enough food and clothes, shoes, I had toys and a bike. Some of my things were nicer than some of my friends, some of my things weren’t but I was satisfied. What I didn’t have and always missed was a connection with my parents and although I was always trying to get them to turn off the TV or listen to me, or do something I wanted to do, or even just let me tell my side of the story before they yelled at my for something I didn’t do, how were they able to do that, when that wasn’t shown to them by my grandparents? How could they model something they never saw because my grandparents never saw it?

In reality I am only 3 generations in The United States of America on both sides of my family. My family are immigrants and pioneers. They are workers. They didn’t have time for emotions. How can I hold that against them? I don’t. But I do have to look at me and fix me so that I can have a conversation with my father and not scream obscenities at him because my PTSD got triggered when he accused me of something my siblings told him I did, that if I did, is none of his business because we are all adults now, but I felt like a powerless child and the only words I could come up with are the ones he uses when he gets angry…which are not even ones I use. What a mess.

Do you see why fostering healthy emotions in ourselves and our children is important? I do!

The Neglected Child, All Grown Up May Feel:

    1. Feelings of Emptiness
    2. Counter-Dependence or the fear of being dependent on anyone
    3. Unrealistic Self-Appraisal
    4. No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others
    5. Guilt & Shame – What is wrong with me?
    6. Self-Directed Anger or Self Blame
    7. The Fatal Flaw (If People Really Knew Me They Wont Like Me)
    8. Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others
    9. Poor Self-Discipline
    10. Alexithymia or not knowing how you feel or being able to put words to your emotions

As adults we need to work on these in ourselves because we will pass these same traits onto our children. Because we didn’t know is a good excuse, but now we do so we need to start working on being better so our kids will be healthier, more productive and happier.

Suicidal Feelings

In 2007 there were 34,598 suicides, that is 95 per day. There are 1,045 suicide attempts every day.

Some Reasons for Suicide:

    • Response to a negative event, like public failure or humiliation
    • Avoid consequences
    • Mental illness
    • Any number of other reasons

Emptiness or numbness is worse than pain.

Common Traits of Suicidal People:

    • Emptiness and numbness
    • Suffering in silence
    • Questioning the meaning and value of their life (what is the point of living)
    • Escape fantasy

From the time I was 16-years-old, until I was about 25-year-old I was tortured by thoughts of suicide. Mostly it was emptiness, wanting the pain to stop, feeling like I had no choices, extreme feelings of fear and anxiety or flashbacks. It got better for a while and then came back after a terrible break up when I was 29 and then when I married Karen G Clemenson it left. I sometimes have fleeting thoughts but I tell Karen or Jamie Holloway about it. We discuss the situation and usually there is a trigger and just finding the trigger stops the feeling for me. Most recently, I hardly have to tell them any more. I can tell them I went through the process as an afterthought. Growth is awesome.

If you or someone you know are struggling with feelings of suicidal thoughts please seek help.

Go to: https://988lifeline.org/ or dial 988 for help today.

So when you realize that you are Running on Empty you have to Fill the Tank…

Factors That Get in the Way of Successful Change:

    1. False Expectations
    2. Avoidance
    3. Discomfort – change is scary

It is important to to understand that Feelings Matter and What To Do With Your Feelings:

    1. Understand the purpose and value of emotions
    2. Identify and name your feelings
    3. Learn to self-monitor your feelings
    4. Accept and trust your feelings
    5. Learn to express your feelings effectively
    6. Recognize and understand and value emotions in relationships

For every emotion there is a purpose. Emotions are our feedback system.

    • Fear tells us to escape or preserve ourself.
    • Anger pushes us to fight back or protect ourself.
    • Love drives us to care for our spouse, children or others.
    • Passion drives us to procreate, create and invent.
    • Hurt pushes us to correct a situation.
    • Sadness tells us we are losing something important.
    • Compassion pushes us to help others.
    • Disgust tells us to avoid something.
    • Curiosity drives us to explore and learn.

In a healthy relationship you are able to say something like: When you don’t respond to my messages or invite me to events, I feel rejected. If the person cares about you, they will probably make an effort to respond better to you. In an unhealthy relationship the person will probably become defensive. I have experienced both. I don’t give my time to the latter group anymore. When I was told I was the only one with the problem, it took me a while to realize they weren’t going to change but eventually, as I learned to value myself, I chose to not choose to be rejected anymore.

I now choose to give my time to people that make time for me, that validate me and support me and show that they see me as an individual. I am seeing more growth in myself and a lot more peace. I also have more to give to my friends and adopted family.

Self-Care

    1. Nurturing yourself:
      – putting yourself first
      – learning to say no
      – asking for help
      – discover likes and dislikes
      – put higher priority on personal enjoyment
      – eating well
      – exercise
      – rest and relaxation
    2. Improve self-discipline
    3. Self-soothing:
      – bubble bath
      – long hot shower
      – listening to music
      – cook or bake
      – spend time with pet
      – detail car
      – play with kids
      – exercise
      – go for a walk
      – play an instrument
      – enjoy essential oils
      – call a friend
      – cloud watch
      – clean
      – got to the movies
      – look out the window
      – meditate
      – positive self-talk
    4. Have compassion for yourself
    5. Allow yourself to be human

Self-care is really important and it can be difficult to build a routine but be patient with yourself. Start with one new habit at a time. I have been working for years to create better habits for myself. I fail, forgive myself, and I start over all the time. It part of being human.

I am not a parent yet. I hope to foster or adopt in the future. This is part of what fuels my fervent search for peace in myself. I promised myself I would never become a parent unless I could give my children what I didn’t have, emotional stability, involved parents and peace. Right now we are still working on financial stability which does play a part in emotional stability. I am lucky that I have a partner that wants peace and communication as much as I do.

For people that have children and want to end the cycle there are very helpful techniques listed in the book. There is also a section for professionals and resources. Running on Empty is a very easy to read but hard to digest in one sitting book, meaning you may need to take it in bites. It is painful to read some of the truths in this book if you aren’t ready for them. Change is hard, like I said, but it is worth it. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is trying to find what is missing inside themselves.

Buy your own copy of Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD on Amazon.

~

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional NeglectRunning on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was an important book to read for me. Although I have been working on the things spoken of in this book for about 26 years, many of the principles didn’t have names. Emotional Neglect is a term I only heard in the last year or so with my current therapist, who suggested I read this book. Although I had to force myself to not dissociate while I read the first 2 chapters and I struggled through other parts of the book, I believe that too is important to my growth.

I love that the author states that most of us are Emotional Neglect survivors because no one knew to foster healthy emotions in their children, so while it was my parent’s responsibility to do this, it is easy for me to have compassion for them too, because they couldn’t teach me what they didn’t know. In a world we are quick to lay blame, I think this viewpoint is healthy in helping us take responsibility for our wellness now.

View all my reviews

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

 

There Are Many Ways to Stand

This weekend I was accused of being a pacifist by someone I consider a child. Not that they weren’t of adult age but they were in their early 20’s, they have never had a job because they are disabled and they still live with their parents. I remember being in my 20’s I thought I knew a lot. I knew some, but I didn’t know what I know now, which is, I know a little more and asking questions is the best way to make sure you understood what someone meant, listening is the best way to hear the whole comment and not speaking at all is sometimes wise. I never could ask this person about themselves because they shouted at me each time I spoke, even though I was talking about myself. I was very confused. But there are many ways to stand.

We were talking about police and it was clear that they did not like the police. They could not understand my stance. I have had little experience with the police but my few experiences were fine. I respect the police. I believe that it is our responsibility to remain calm when dealing with the police. I don’t know what they just dealt with. I don’t need to trigger them, even if I think they stopped me for no reason; which I have never experienced. Since I have training in trauma de-escalation it is my responsibility to use it, even when dealing with the police. I use it with every chance I need to. When people are yelling, I don’t believe they are communicating well. I don’t believe that it is the police officer’s responsibility to make me choose good behavior.

I should mention that the person was part of a group of people who all joined in, it was quite shocking to me; I have never understood group think. I am suddenly being told about systemic racism and male superiority…blah blah blah…Hello! We live in Longview, Washington. That is everywhere, not just at the police station. Eventually I stopped talking because I don’t believe in arguing with people that can’t or wont let me finish my sentences. But that accusation stuck with me. The look on their faces when I had told them that I had just spent the week reading about Gandhi and I just didn’t believe we needed to start out situations fighting…I felt really pushed out.

I have given a lot of thought to that experience. Not everyone thinks the way I do. Not everyone is blessed with the time I have had to be in therapy and to study the bible and be with God as much as I have. Not everyone has been able to read the books I have that have helped me. A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson really answered a question I have had for most of my life: The meaning of life is to unlearn fear and relearn to love. It fit in what was already in my heart. It made sense. Not going to church regularly for the last 20 years has been a blessing because church politics really slows down the process of knowing Jesus. Many people don’t know there is value in these things to even aspire to them.

We are all hurting people. We all have our traumas. The people I was talking to have been hurt. Unlike myself, who didn’t know I was queer until I was almost 40, these people knew their whole lives and they have been shut out, put down and abused by our community. They have had to fight and defend themselves, for being themselves, for years. This is what they know. I understand this for being female and fat and now disabled, but it has only been the last 8 years that I have learned that it is also like this when you are queer and black and sometimes when you have a cat…That is what I felt in my spirit when I was considering my experience. Until we learn to communicate in a different way, we fight. It is just like this for gay people. I have experienced this in lots of situations with people who have experienced trauma.

I think differently because I don’t rely on newspapers and television to feed my mind. I choose positive music, books and people to talk to; I choose my news media very carefully. I talk to God all the time and He loves everyone and He shows me how to have compassion and see other perspectives. I am blessed because I can stand with Him and know I am never alone. It is easy for me to choose peace first.

After coming to peace with the people I had thought were my adversaries but were really hurt people, defending themselves, I wanted to make sure I understood the word Pacifism. I used to throw it around carelessly when I was a young woman but I have learned to not be careless with my words if I can help it.

Pacifism is a commitment to peace and an opposition to violence. Some people who aspire to pacifism believe specifically that war is wrong and that pacifism should also be used to promote social justice and human rights. Gandhi often used the word Ahimsa along with pacifism which some say is like love in action. When I read his autobiography, the best way I understood him was to say it was a perfect love and non-violence. But Gandhi is not the only voice that has told me about being a peacemaker. Jesus spoke of being a peacemaker on the Mount of Olives in Matthew, Chapter 5; Jesus said peacemakers are blessed.

There are 5 Types of Pacifism:

    1. Absolute Pacifism
      An absolute pacifist believes that it is never right to take part in war. Their view is that the value of human life never justifies killing a person deliberately, even in self-defence.
    2. Militant Pacifism
      Militant pacifists will use every peaceful method at their disposal to oppose violence and war. This may include civil disobedience which may result in imprisonment or even death.
    3. Conditional Pacifism
      Conditional pacifists are against war and violence in principle, but they accept that there may be circumstances when war may lead to less suffering.
    4. Selective Pacifism
      Selective pacifists only oppose wars involving weapons of mass destruction (nuclear, chemical or biological weapons) because of their uniquely devastating consequences to not only humans, but to all living things. Large scale use of weapons of mass destruction also raises the prospect of the annihilation of humans as a species.
    5. Active Pacifism
      Active pacifists advocate peace and argue against violence and war.

According to these precepts I believe that the last three are true for me; Conditional, Selective and Active Pacifism are all true for me but not only in war but in every day life. As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder I am more sensitive than some people and I don’t need a trigger. That is not anyone’s responsibility but my own but because I feel so much I see that we hurt each other so easily. Yelling is violence. Calling names is violence. Refusing to put down our phones and look at each other is neglect. Not letting someone finish their sentence and attacking them before you have heard their whole thought is abuse. We don’t think about these things because we see on TV that people are dismissive, selfish and covetous all the time so we think this is acceptable. It is but it is not beneficial to our health.

The bible says that all things are permissible but not everything is good for us (1 Corinthians 10:23). War is a good way to make money but is it good for life and Godliness? It is good for our mental health and relationships? I do believe that we live in a world of humans and humans require war sometimes. War is unavoidable at times but when I say war I am talking at many levels.

I can always tell when families yell at each other. Their kids scream and their dogs bark uncontrollably. Families that practice listening to each other, speaking kindly, listening to each other, asking questions and making time for conversation have children that are patient and dogs that can wait.

When you are angry with me if you come at me accusing me, I promise you, I will be triggered and I wont hear you because I too have my own trauma experiences. But if you come to me, calmly, and tell me I hurt your feelings we will have a conversation where we will both grown.

If you can remain calm when you are dealing with a police officer, speak kindly, do what you are told, even if you are feel disrespected, your chances of going home are higher than if you are over react or feel like you have to defend yourself now. You can sue them later. I believe there are more good police officers than bad ones; but they are human and they make mistakes, they get tired and they have bad days just like we all do. We all have a responsibility to each other. It is no one’s responsibility to control my behavior but my own and I plan to remain calm and help anyone, if I can, to remain calm too.

In times when war must happen I feel it should be swift and just. Our current situation with Ukraine has me torn. I hear from a friend that knows people that have lived there that the president is not an honest man, that what we are being told is not the truth, that although Putin is not a good man, he is not the devil he has been portrayed as either. This pains my heart. But then I look at media from other countries and it seems to say similar to what the United States media says. This is the confusion that hurts my heart. Because I know that as we pour money into assisting the Ukrainian people, we are hurting United States citizens. We are not unable to tighten our belts and help our neighbor, that is part of war but I really hope that we are helping an honorable cause because I do understand that there are things we are not privy to that may also be true for these people with ties to Ukraine that my friend knows. I can’t help think about how many nukes are in the area and how many people could be hurt. I don’t understand why we have tools of war like that. If we kill everybody, it doesn’t matter who has the power…

…isn’t that the reason that some people terrorize others, whether it is calling names, treating them poorly or killing them, for power? If that is power, I want to stand a different way. I believe in freedom; freedom of choice, speech, religion, to love who you love, to pursue happiness…The only power I want is to be able to choose to control myself.

Read More:

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

 

Life Being Beautiful

I find it interesting that I can learn something from any situation if I look hard enough. There is always a message. For instance the last novel I read, The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner, got me to think about my bosom friend and how she has spoken life into me and helped me to not give up on what makes me really happy. The other night my wife and I went out to a public place for dinner for the first time since COVID-19 and it was so inspiring. I saw many lovely people and saw life being beautiful there too. The picture above is from last night. We were glad to hear our friend Jeff Hamilton play his great music and get a picture with him afterwards.

Life is not without struggle. It is meant to be that way. That is how we learn and grow. But there is also moments of joy and peace and we must enjoy those times too. When I got sick in 2014, I never thought it would take this long to get to where I am now, I never thought I would only be this far on my wellness journey, I didn’t even really know what a wellness journey was. There are parts of me I lost back then that are not going to come back and I am glad. They were not the best parts of me. They didn’t serve me or anyone else to their growth. But there were parts of me that I needed and I have missed them and I thought I would never have them back.

I can’t tell you how happy I am to have my migraines more under control than ever. Even knowing that I have always had them is helpful. To not know you are in pain is a different kind of struggle. But to learn how to live without that constant pull and strain in your body is a special kind of peace. The ability to pay attention and focus again has given me the ability to feed my brain positive things when I desperately need it. I had been able to handle my small bible studies but now I can go longer and I can read books that inspire me and lift me up when Veda is here or I am bored. When I was a child, I always had a book on me. So reading is something I have always enjoyed and something I really missed. I come from people who read. This was normal to me; not what I had become. Not being able to read probably fed Veda’s visits more and made me more unhappy with my possible future but now I can go on adventures my body could never go on and my brain can be fed and I am happy.

Part of the journey that the character, Caroline, was on in The Lost Apothecary, that her friend helped her see was that she had buried away what she really wanted to do. My own best bosom friend and sister, Jamie Holloway has done for me what I have done for her this same way. Years ago I built JamieChasesButterflies.com for her to write whatever she wanted to write. I knew she needed to communicate and I knew how to build websites. Through the years she has flourished and her writing has improved, while her communication has soared. She too encouraged me to build a blog for myself. It didn’t make sense for me at the time. I couldn’t read and I was anxious after being online too long so it took a long time for me to listen to her but eventually it helped me to have a place where I could collect a lot of my writings from many online platforms. As I have been able to focus, my blog is something I write in several times a week. It is something I need to do. Writing is something I need to do.

I was talking to my wife, Karen G Clemenson, about that yesterday and she agreed that out of all my hobbies, writing was something she could see that I need to do. It brings me more joy and peace. I still enjoy cooking and it is a practical thing to do to feed my family. I still enjoy crocheting and I will still work on projects as long as my hands hold out. I love to sing but my voice is big I tend to keep it to myself while we live in multi-family dwellings so I don’t bother people…but writing is something I can do and love to do and have always loved to do and reading, well it just seems to make it easier to get words out when I have fed so many words into my brain.

The other night Karen and I went to the Broadway Barrel Room on 14th Ave and Commerce in Longview, Washington. It was previously known to local Longviewites as Cassava. The service was absolutely amazing! They didn’t really change the decor much from the previous owners except for the bar, but it is still gorgeous in there. Great for live music! It was great to see the live musicians. It had been so long since we had been able to enjoy this!

Live music was performed by Matt Smith, Judah Young, Erik Nordin, Jeff Hamilton and the Broadway Boyz.

I have been friends with Jeff Hamilton for years and I remember when I first saw him perform at an open mic at Evangel Christian Fellowship, over 20 years ago. He was this gangly kid but when he sang he came to life. I had never seen anyone play the guitar the way does up to that point. I had never seen anyone show his heart the way he does when he performs and he has only gotten better. The real joy of this show is that his real heart, is not to be a big fancy famous star but a teacher. I watched him giving inspiration to the young musicians, showing them his way of being comfortable sharing between songs, touching the crowd, giving himself to the music and the onlookers, making jokes, talking about the songs he had written for his children, enjoying the children in the room and encouraging them to join him in songs they knew. I would say that people are Jeff’s inspiration but music is his tool.

The cool thing about going out in public is that you get opportunities to react to people and interact with them. I loved the way a lady in the restroom needed to share with me how touched she was by the children singing with Jeff. I also found people to pray for. I didn’t ask them. They didn’t ask me but I could see they could use it so I silently interceded for them. I guess that is what I do too. I pray for people.

Jeff mentioned that I do a lot and I used to do a lot. Now I go a lot slower than I did before I got sick. I didn’t plan on living to be old. I didn’t want to. I figured I wasn’t going to marry or have children so I needed to leave a legacy another way. I worked hard until I got too sick. Somewhere in all that being sick God changed my mind. Now I want to be 80 years old some day and I am still thinking positive about being a mother and grandmother. I have been a wife for over 8 years now and I enjoy it. I have learned to choose peace and joy more than ever and my life is better all the time because God has helped me see the good and focus on that.

Jeff was correct though. Prayer is important. I do it every day and I do it whenever I feel it needs to be done. He too has helped me find a quiet in myself that wasn’t there before. Some of us have to work hard to find peace and joy and he and I have that in common. There are many gifts in life, mostly people that help make life being beautiful.

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.