The Pain of Being Black

Very rarely does Karen G Clemenson share the pain of being Black. She has trained herself to focus on the growth, the goodness of the White people that have helped and loved her, and the moments worth celebrating as we evolve. But she had a moment of rawness as we were discussing the race for presidency. I take voting for president seriously, yet I can only handle so much and there have been years I could handle nothing. Karen and I don’t agree on everything politics, but we do agree to pray for our president. Their success is our success and their failure will not make us stronger.

In this moment, that came upon us, I believe I was experiencing a much younger Karen, one that was hurt, offended and ashamed. She has so much pain in her, that her face had become contorted as she spoke of a time that Biden had voted for segregated schools because, “he didn’t want his kids going to schools with kids that were just like me,” she said.

I was startled at the passion in her voice. I have grown accustomed to being faced with my White Privilege, especially since I married Karen. I have a better feeling for the word “racism” and how it is entwined in our society but I have always lived in Washington State and in the predominantly White city of Longview, where we don’t like change. But I do know that racism tastes different in other states, like North Carolina, where Karen grew up. Where there still might be places with drinking fountains for “Whites Only” that Karen and I pray our little great-niece will never see because she is only a few shades darker than the beautiful shade of gingerbread that her Great-Auntie Karen is.

I am reading a book called How We Love Matters: A Call to Practice Relentless Racial Reconciliation by Albert Tate. I am enjoying his viewpoint. Tate is a pastor in Southern California, but he was born and raised in Mississippi and he comes from generations of Black ministers. In his book he recalls in Genesis 4 the story about Cain and Abel. God warned Cain that He saw “sin crouching at your door.” Cain was angry that God had not accepted his offering because God saw what was in Cain’s heart. Instead of making his heart right, Cain killed his brother because he was jealous that God had accepted Abel’s sacrifice. When God came looking for both the brothers, He asked Cain where his brother was. Cain replied, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

God, of course was beside Himself. He said, “Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.”

The picture that Tate is trying to create in his book is that many people have died at the hands of people that feel they are better than others, not just Black people, but Native Americans, Mexicans, Asians, any nation of people that have been persecuted at the hands of White people that don’t understand that God knows. Their blood cries out to Him from the ground. I am not done with the book, but this is a very powerful mental picture for me.

Getting back to our conversation about the presidential campaign, Karen and I agree we are kind of stumped. Karen is a registered republican but she is not a Trumpster. We are both baffled that he is even in the running. Although we respect our current president, neither one of us really wants 4 more years with Biden. We both agree his cognitive abilities are slipping, which is normal for someone that has had a brain aneurysm and someone of his advanced years. I read With All Due Respect Defending American with Grit and Grace by Nikki R. Haley and I like what I read. I haven’t seen any of the debates but from what I have read and seen on TV, it sounds as if she is spending more time fighting with DeSantos than trying to argue important points and that makes me feel disappointed and maybe she is more reactionary than we really need right now, however I still think she is the best of all the republican options we have so far. Both of us feel like both republican and democratic parties should be able to offer stronger candidates.

Within the last few days some comments were made about a few Black celebrities about racism. I try to give Karen space because I am not Black and although I have a much more deep understanding of my Whiteness and a greater awareness of Blackness, I have not had as many experiences with racism as my wife has. But I was thinking about it and I let her know that I applaud her because her great-grandmother was so ahead of her time. She was able to see that there was power in loving White people and not hating them and drilling that into Karen because Karen is White as well as Black, even though most of society is only going to acknowledge her Blackness. Because of this, Karen gets offended when racism is brought up. She feels like it holds society back. But today I pointed out that just because she is on a different part of the path, doesn’t mean that others still don’t need us to recognize the blood on the ground and celebrities that use their social status to call attention for the ones that still need the blood to be seen, so we can appreciate the hard work, sacrifice and life that was given so we can know more freedom now than ever, is important. She thanked me for my thoughts and told me she would think about that.

But getting back to our conversation; I love how Karen thinks sometimes. I was offended because Nikki Haley had made a comment that we don’t have a racism problem and it was caught on camera. Oh Nikki…Nikki is the daughter of immigrants from India. She is a Brown woman. She has been “othered” many times in her life because in South Carolina, where she is from you are either Black or White and she is neither. But this is where Karen got my attention because she pointed out that she bets there are 7 White men behind Nikki making sure she is successful. What a mind picture!

Change can be scary but I think doing things the same way when it is causing pain to others and not making things better is terrifying. I live in a body that doesn’t like change but I do when it is right; you can imagine the fights I have with myself at times. But I was so excited when Barack Obama became president. It felt like progress. Karen didn’t agree with me but she has her own reasons. I could feel how having our first Black president was so important for our nation. This campaign we are both interested in seeing Nikki Haley win. Not only is she a woman but an Indian woman. Her husband is successful in business and in the military, she is a mother, and she has had success as a diplomat and in the UN.

In Tate’s book he says when we love people we have to change how we do things to show our love when see that how we do things is hurting others. He talks about a friend that is gluten intolerant that his family makes sure to change their menu when she comes around so that she knows she is important to them. He speaks of a friend with two children with Down’s Syndrome that shared his anger with how people called his children retarded and this caused Tate to become mindful to educate people about the proper way to speak about people with similar challenges. He writes about a doctor that made huge strides in gynecology on Black women’s bodies with no pain medication. The doctor was eventually found out and he lost his right to practice medicine. These women have saved many women’s lives but their blood cries out from the ground like so many others.

So how do you change? You look at the blood. You admit it is there. You acknowledge your part in it and if you perpetuate any of the social rules that keep the blood there or add to it (its hard to see it sometimes but you can ask God to help you and He will). You can become more aware and educated and just work on loving like Jesus in you leads because He loves so unselfishly. It won’t happen over night but it might happen in leaps and bounds sometimes. Just being willing will make such a difference.

One time I shared a meme that had a message I thought was appropriate but it was a quote by an artist and it included a picture of the artist that made lots of money saying anti-transgender comments. Minutes later I got a message from someone that knew I was a sensitive person asking if I was a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist. I assured them I am not, that I just liked the meme. After we chatted about the meme and they told me why it hurt them, I asked them if I needed to take it down, they said it would make them feel better, so I did and I don’t post anything by that artist anymore. I changed because I don’t want to hurt anyone.

If you want to read more about that see Are You a TERF?

When Jesus loved people He showed them. I want to be like Jesus. I don’t want to cause any more pain if I can help it. I hope this article inspires you to be more like Jesus too.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.