Warm Blankets

When it gets too cold
my joints curse me
and talking becomes explosive
The nerves in my face might have
taken my ability to speak but I
can still use paper and ink
This warm blanket helps me sleep
in spite of my chronic illnesses
caused by childhood traumas

But if I allow it this blanket will
dull my senses
It will block out the voices of
those around me
Stop me from seeing the needs
of anyone but me
Let me think that my experiences
are more important that yours
even though you wear t-shirts that say
Oppressed Minority

You say Love is Love
but when I said we should love them too
You said I was selfish and cruel
You called me names and told me
my words were illegal
You said I wanted segregation
You told the owner on me
You suggested you might leave
so they turned on me because I am not a Xerox machine
I can’t feel the way you demand
I don’t hate you but I don’t hate them either
I also love myself and I didn’t say what you said

What I actually said was love
like trauma is universal
Everyone has experienced it
Maybe we could share some empathy
and work together
But what I feared is what I already knew
The people who are stuck at the far
left or the right don’t really
want change
They like their warm blankets

It would have meant so much
if anyone would have stood up for me while I was being attacked
and called names
when it was
in fact
you that was abusing me
You didn’t seem so fragile in that moment
But I have been the scapegoat before
and the golden child never does appear to be who they actually are
and the flying monkeys never know the role they play
They will do just about anything to keep the peace
Because that is what enablers do