Today was a big day with lots of emotions. I couldn’t sleep last night so on less than 4 hrs of sleep I did my workout and found myself at PeaceHealth Imaging for the first CT scan of my life. It went well and quickly.
When we were pulling out of the parking garage, my oncologist called. She was finally able to view my MRI and found that my lymph nodes are clear and the cancer in my uterus is minuscule. She has decided that we will not do the hysterectomy but a D&C and insert an IUD which along with the cancer meds I take may resolve my condition. She will use the CT Scan to verify my MRI.
I have found myself very angry at both gynecologists I have seen in the last few months because when I asked them about the chance that I may have PCOS they would not listen to me. My oncologist who specializes in gynecology keeps pushing weight loss surgery. She acts as though this procedure will give me a new lease on life, but I don’t agree and she ignores me when I try to explain myself. I do understand that my weight makes surgery more dangerous and although losing weight may help some of my conditions, which are under control, less of an issue, it won’t lessen my pain. I know this because my joints don’t bother me nearly as much as the pain in my nerves and connective tissues which is not going to change other than progress as these conditions do.
All my life, I was told that because I was fat, I would not marry or date, I would not be hired for the jobs I wanted and I would die young. Even my desire to dance was not fostered because I was too fat. It has taken me years to not hate this body. I am still dealing with emotional pain as the memories come back while my brain heals from trauma. I believe that weight loss surgery has benefited many people, but I also know it is not perfect and I don’t believe I would be successful with the procedure for several valid reasons. The fact that I have tried to advocate for myself and been ignored makes me feel like a child again.
I feel like this doctor must get kickbacks for pushing this option on people. I am sure she wants to see me succeed but I don’t want to be ignored when we are talking about my body.
I am not upset about the change. Who wants to have body parts removed? The surgery is invasive and we don’t know how my body will react to the stress. Another plus is that the IUD will balance my hormones and may be what helps me lose weight slowly and more naturally. I do workout almost every day and have been walking a lot more, I already eat mindfully and drink lots of water. I mentioned that to this doctor and she ignored me.
I have decided to not be pushed back about this. She wants to refer me to a specialist in weight loss surgery but I am not going to jump to do that. I have read quite a bit about weight loss surgery and even went to an orientation with my friend. My wife is a personal trainer and has heard many horror stories, along with success stories, but I don’t want to set myself up for failure. Since the IUD may be what I need to help my body work better, I will not consider changing my mind until we see what having the IUD will do for me.
I have been chewing on this all day and I have to say I am proud of myself. I did my workout, took 2 walks and got a nap in. Over the last two days I have worked with three patterns for a blanket for my great nephew, who should be here in February. I have ripped out my attempts so many times but I have finally found a design that inspires me. I have not crocheted in over a year but it is nice to have yarn in my hands. My new bamboo crochet hooks are wonderful too! Karen had the day off and it was nice to veg out with Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel and be able to spend time together.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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