Being chronically ill is like trying to live on a teeter totter by yourself. Dealing with sickness, pain, depression and anger is common. Sometimes it is really hard to stay positive, especially when occasionally it seems like you just got catapulted off the darn thing and you don’t know when and where you will land, or if you will land softly. Sometimes just the fear of what could happen during a flair up catches you off guard.
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Notes from Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 14: Anger
I have been slowly taking in this great book for about 6 weeks. While I am digesting and praying about issues that seem to come about in me, I see myself growing and learning to be focused on being positive and learning to communicate better. Chapter 14 in Codependent No More is about anger, something I have a lot of experience with, here is what I have gleaned and learned about anger:
Grief, rescuing, care taking, being reactionary, hurt, fear, sadness, being afraid and guilt can all become anger.
Some people prefer to stay angry because it makes us feel more powerful and less vulnerable.
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Learning About Cooking Oils
While we are standing at the jump off point of your new path toward wellness you might feel a little frustrated by all the changes that you see in front of you. Learning how to educate yourself about food is really important, so we thought we might start out with a big one Cooking Oils. Before we can delve into that topic, lets take a crash course on FAT…
There are 3 kinds of fats: good fats, bad fats and neutral fats. Good fats have been clinically proven to benefit our bodies, bad fats are harmful to our bodies and neutral fats which may not damage our bodies but probably don’t benefit them very much.
Examples of Good Fats: (more…)
Learning About Miscarriage Signs, Symptoms & Treatment
In this article we are going talk about a painful topic: Miscarriage Signs, Symptoms & Treatment. Pregnancy is a blessing that brings so much anticipation; because of the commonality of miscarriage it is wise to be educated about miscarriage in the case that you or someone that you love must go through this experience. We hope that you find the information in this article helpful.
Definition: Miscarriage is a term used to describe a pregnancy that ends on its own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation. Sometimes miscarriage is referred to as a spontaneous abortion.
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- Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss
- 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage
- 50-75% of miscarriages are related to chemical pregnancy, or when a fertilized egg implants on the uterine wall but dies before it can develop
Learning About Acid Blockers
Heartburn sucks and often times your only choice to fight it is acid blockers! If you haven’t had it before, I am so glad for you. Heartburn feels like hot pressure in your chest and sometimes leads people to believe they are having a heart attack. Some people may occasionally experience this after eating too much salt, sugar or fat; some people suffer from a number of chronic illnesses like gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) which is when your stomach produces so much stomach acid that it backs up into your esophagus, sometimes it is like an eruption and can cause coughing and vomiting; long-term out of control heartburn can cause throat infections, ulcers, difficulty or pain when swallowing and increased chance of throat cancer. (more…)
If I Could Go Back In Time…
We heard a great message at church this week; one that caused me to consider what I would change if I could go back in time. I have considered this many times. My list has changed through the years, as I grew up in Jesus. It is amazing how different what we think we need during times of great stress is from when we are spending time getting to know Jesus and our identity in Him…
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 13 Notes
Feel Your Own Feelings
There are people that I have withdrawn so completely from, emotionally, that they don’t know me at all. I have known them my whole life. I love them. I know they love me. At an earlier time in my life, I learned it was dangerous to trust them because they could absolutely crush me. My “going away” only made me stuff all the emotions I felt because of their actions. Until I became so overloaded with emotions that I could not bear even seeing them.
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I AM Here
In a quiet only known with You
You are God
I can reach out and touch the gifts of Your praise
In the colors of Your rainbow are Your radiance and mercy
and I have been allowed to be here!
You chose me before You made me
or the earth and all its wonders
You tell me how much You love me
with every breath You breathe into me
I am but to praise You with Your own love and faith
and I will stay here for awhile
because it took so long to see how much You gave for me
To stand here and minister to You with Your own song
with Your own truth
In a quiet only known with You
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 12 Notes
Learn the Art of Acceptance
Lord I don’t understand peace. It is so easily lost. I think I am so sad about the killing in Nice, France because I had hoped for a longer break between killing and terror and hate acts. Lord, I ask that You would judge by Your cross my concept or expectation of peace and my right to rely on other people or spiritual powers besides You to explain or provide peace. Jesus I know that You are my peace. I ask You to forgive me for relying on anyone but You for my peace or expectation of peace. Jesus please heal, seal and deal within my salvation in You regarding peace. Please show me what Your peace really looks, feels and sounds like. Thank You Jesus for Your perfect peace and salvation. Amen
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Blessed are the Peacemakers
Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8
Immediacy is not a virtue.
When I am stressed I feel like announcing my feelings and thoughts about everything, right now to everyone, except God; I don’t want to process anything before I react, yet I am so thankful to Jesus who is leading me to spend time praying and in the word to hear what God thinks and how He is teaching me to behave because lately, life has felt like one run on sentence…
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Learning About Nightshade Vegetables and Fruits
For most people Nightshade Vegetables and Fruits are very nutritional and offer protective properties to the human body. As someone who lives with hiatal hernia and gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) I have made a decision to research different kinds of foods that I should limit or remove from my diet. Unfortunately for me, tomatoes are not on the list of foods I get to enjoy anymore, but that just leaves more room for beets, pumpkin and carrots…
Nightshade fruits and vegetables belong to the family of Solanaceae plants of the Solanum genus; a group that includes more than 2,500 species that are widely used in food and medicine. Many of these plants are not edible, but there are a good number of Nightshades: tomatoes, potatoes and eggplant, to name a few, that have become a staple to diets for many years. (more…)
Fear is Not An Excuse to Abuse
I have been at a standstill for about a week, while reading, Codependent No More by By Melodie Beattie. I have read chapter 11: Have a Love Affair With Yourself, 3 times and I plan to read it again. I really want the good things to sink in and make it easier to let the negative things float away; or at least be able to lay them at the feet of Jesus and not want to come back to return them to their old spot on the shelf. I had a moment on Thursday where someone I care for let me know of a decision they had made about their health that caused me fear. As I began to “love them to death” with advise and other people’s opinions, they were becoming more and more defensive. Luckily Jesus is always faithful, not just to me but to everyone who love Him and I was able to see the unhealthiness I was suffocating them with and I was able to choose to stop.
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 11 Notes
Have a Love Affair With Yourself
What a novel idea; one I had never considered. I assumed that this chapter would be full of new thoughts and maybe it would inspire a lot in me. I read this chapter 3 times…
6/24/2016
Many codependent people would never dream of treating others as they treat themselves. Other people would not let us. Our feelings of low self-worth cause us to not like ourselves or even consider loving ourselves.
- We hate ourselves
- We don’t like the way we look
- We hate our bodies
- We think we are stupid, incompetent, untalented and unloveable
- We think our thoughts and feelings are wrong and inappropriate
- We think we are unimportant and we don’t matter
- We shame other people’s desires and plans
- We think we are inferior and inappropriately odd
- Inside our minds we constantly torture ourselves
- Sometimes we punish ourselves openly and invite others to help us hate ourselves
- We believe taking care of our needs and wants is selfish
Love Your Guts
It is an act of love to choose wellness. Wellness is a series of positive, life supporting decisions we make, or don’t make everyday, all day long. Being well takes proper nutrition, exercise, a good attitude and the practice of hobbies and activities that bring us satisfaction and joy. Sometimes our path to wellness requires a wellness facilitator; sometimes it includes medication and counseling. Many of us have a road in front of us that includes chronic illness which produces its own challenges. A main component of our health is our immune system, sometimes referred to as our second brain or our digestive system. No matter what you need to Love Your Guts! (more…)
God Bless America
This week I finally moved my recipes from my old beat up recipe box to my new one; one that belonged to my Great-Grandma Drummond. I learned a few things while I organized my recipes into it: She liked recipes with oranges in them and this recipe box was new to her. It came with a few new recipes that she had not organized into their appropriate dividers. There were a few recipes she has tucked inside, but obviously she had not had the chance to completely move into it, herself. I keep thinking about how she had probably had it on a list of things to do while she healed from her surgery; she probably wasn’t thinking she would not get a chance to do that. She still had plans.
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Learning About Peanut Butter
We love peanut butter! It is filling. It is healthy. It is packed with protein, fiber, monounsaturated fat and fat-burning folate. But there are some things you might not know about peanut butter that will probably change the way you shop (we hope). (more…)
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 9-10 Notes
Chapter 9: Undependence
My mother needs me to depend on her. It is part of her codependence identity: approval seeking and need for other’s happiness because that is all she has.
I can’t be healthy and center my life around anyone else but God.
Ways to become Independent:
- Finish business from childhood to the best of our ability. Grieve. Gain perspective. Figure out how events from the past are still affecting life now.People who believe they are unloveable will treat you as though you are too.
- Nurture the inner child who is vulnerable, frightened and needy. She may not disappear. She may rear up at unexpected moments, whether provoked or not. Figure out what she needs.
- Stop looking for happiness in other people. Center life around yourself; our value and joy are inside ourselves. I don’t need approval or validation from others.
- Learn to depend on yourself. Be there for yourself. Don’t abandon yourself, needs, wants, feelings, life and spirit. Learn to solve problems or live with unsolved problems.
- Depend on God. He has never abandoned me. I abandoned me. He expects me to care for me.
- Strive for undependence. Examine the ways we depend on others emotionally and financially.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 8 Notes
Remove the Victim
“We’re so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves.” Al-Anon Member
“Codependents are caretakers – rescuers. They rescue, then they persecute, then they end up victimized. Study the Karpmen Drama Triangle,” he said.
Codependent No More page 83
Enabling is a destructive form of helping.
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 6-7 Notes
Chapter 6: Don’t Be Blown About by Every Wind
Denial: Under-reacting to events that seem too big
Reactionary: Urgently and compulsively reacting in anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling, gestures, care taking acts, depression, desperation or fury to other people’s feelings, thinking, behaviors or problems and situations without thinking. Allowing emotions and behaviors to be controlled or triggered by our environment or other people.
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Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie Chapter 5 Notes
Detachment
Detachment is not detaching from loved ones but the agony of involvement.
Questions We Must Ask of Ourselves
- What am I feelings?
- What do I think?
- What do I need to take care of myself?
Observational Reading Questions
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Codependent Characteristics from Chapter 4
CARETAKING CODEPENDENT CHARACTERISTICS
Codependents may:
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- think and feel responsible for other people—for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny.
- feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
- feel compelled—almost forced—to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
- feel angry when their help isn’t effective.
Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie Part 1 Notes
What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?
Chapter 1 & 2: Jessica’s Story & Other Stories
I did not identify with any specific stories in this chapter but I have identified with aspects of their codependency. I have sought relationships with people with food addiction, so we can either validate or succeed together. I have often tried to help addicts and many times I have based my wants and needs on the wants and needs of my main relationships. I often feel like my friends need me more than I need them – all my friends need something from me. Most people don’t enjoy me and I am cynical about their motives. People make me tired.
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