So my wife, Karen G Clemenson, brought this book home from the library and I ended up reading it. There were times it was hard to read because I could feel some of the author’s pain but I am glad I read Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacker. Hornbacker’s struggle was real and relatable. This is her story and she openly shares how she self-medicated for many years before she was able to come up with an action plan that works for her and her family and loved ones to deal with her bipolar disorder type 1.
In the 1970’s psychiatry knew little about bipolar disorder – we didn’t even know it by that name until the 1980’s. Many people with bipolar disorder were wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia. In the 90’s people were misdiagnosed with unipolar depression. “Mental Illness” was rarely discussed.
In order to control the mania and rapid cycling moods she went through, Hornbacker manifested the following coping mechanisms from age 6-13 year of age:
- Depression starts in 1981
- Obsessive prayer starts in 1983
- Anorexia and Bulimia starts in 1984
- Alcohol abuse starts in 1985
- Cutting starts in 1988
Mental illness runs in her father’s family. Her father lives with depression. Hornbacker’s symptoms began to show as early as age 4. Although she had the full support from her family, doctors often didn’t know what to do to help her. Even with her anorexia and bulimia, Hornbacker felt that doctors often treated the symptoms of the eating disorders but often missed the actual mental illness that was the real cause, wreaking havoc on the person’s mind.
Many times, as Hornbacker seeks help, doctors are not listening to her. The therapist she is seeing in 1995 doesn’t care that emotions are manic or that she cuts daily. She asks if she is journaling, tells Hornbacker to appreciate her success with eating and continue with her self-care. That night she accidentally cuts too deep.
In 1996 Hornbacker gets married to Julian. She has manic fits at night and terrorizes the house, drives like a maniac until she heads home to pass out and compulsively shops. The marriage lasts 2 years.
Hornbacker fails to tell doctors of her extreme drinking and no sleep. She doesn’t eat, she drinks tons of coffee and doesn’t take her pills regularly, if at all. By August 2000 she has a complete meltdown that lands her in a lock-down facility. She is told if she doesn’t stop drinking she will never get better.
In 2002, Hornbacker is 28-years-old and has been sober for a year. She has remarried to Jeff and her bipolar is in remission. As she relaxes she begins her same patterns of working and playing too hard…after 7 hospitalizations…
“Some people with bipolar have only one major episode, or have several and then go into remission and live years without them ever coming back. My bipolar, ultra-rapid-cycle-type-1, is tough to treat, and the doctors have warned me that it will probably put in the hospital again. But they can’t say how often, or when it will happen next. So I have two choices: live in constant fear that the next episode is just around the corner, waiting to attack, or live as if by doing the right things to keep myself well, the episodes will never come again,” Chapter 43
Hornbacker is one of the lucky ones, surrounded by a loving family and close friends that will take time to be with her when she shouldn’t be alone and have her hospitalized when she needs more care than they can provide, which is something that is part of her reality. She has times of clarity and times of confusion, but she is always loved.
“That’s what madness looks like: a small woman in baggy red pajamas sitting on a kitchen chair, her feet dangling above the ground, trying to figure out how to eat an eclair while everyone she knows and loves watches her closely, as if she’s a rat in a cage, to see what will happen next.” Chapter 47
Facts from 2008:
- 2.8% of the United State population has bipolar disorder
- 25% of bipolar patients have attempted suicide
- There is no drug that specifically treats bipolar
- 50% of people with bipolar disorder are not being treated at all
I am really glad I read this book. I find myself inspired by the changes in our mental health profession and I have hope that more people are more comfortable talking about mental illness. We must make this topic so common place that we can talk about it anywhere. There is no shame in being sick or needing help. Yes, there are some people that may not be able to function in society or may be dangerous but most people need to have a proper action plan and support to have a healthy and meaningful life. I am thankful for my team that has helped me find the proper medications for me and the right amount of therapy sessions I need and the right schedule and healthy coping mechanisms I need to keep my life in balance so I can be a blessing to my family. I am thankful that Marya Hornbacker has these things too.
I checked my book out at The Longview Public Library. Buy your own copy of Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacker on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Riveting, gut-wrenching, powerful! Hornbacher is amazingly strong and I admire her honesty. I could hardly put this book down.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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