Book Review: Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg

All over the world at one time or another, multiple sexes and types of relationships have been accepted. It wasn’t until the wealthy chose to control people that they divided people into classes. This is when hostility toward Queer folks, especially Transgender people became acceptable and expected. I learned a lot from reading this nonfiction book: Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg.

Some Names People Have Used to Define Transgender People are:

  • Androgynes
  • Bearded Women
  • Bigenders
  • Bulldagger
  • Butch
  • Cross-dresser
  • Cross genders
  • Drag Queens
  • Drag Kings
  • Gender benders
  • He/She
  • Intersexuals
  • Female to Male (FTM)
  • Feminine Men
  • Male to Female (MTF)
  • Masculine Women
  • Passing Women / Men
  • Shape Shifters
  • Trans
  • Transgender
  • Transgenderist
  • Transvestite
  • Women body builders

Native Americans use the term Two-Spirit to refer to transgender people.

Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for cross-dressing.

The author, Leslie Feinberg, had grown up always being a masculine child and she needed someone like her to be found in history and in a pamphlet by Bob McCubbin, McCubbin outlined how in early communal societies, people had honored all forms of human love and expression but as the wealthy divided society into classes, those leaders were increasingly hostile towards same-sex relationships.The stigma of race, nationality, religion, sex or gender was meant to dehumanize individuals and justify enslavement and the now male-dominated society as it changed from matrilineal and communal living. It was about money and politics. Even in the bible.

The witch trials or “Holy” Inquisition began in 1233. Women that followed other religions besides Catholicism, or held small amounts of land, women that had medical knowledge. such as midwives that shared birth control or abortion methods were accused of being witches and accused of being able to change sexes. Trans people, Lesbians, Gay men, Muslims, Jews, Herbalists, Healers and Scientists were all at risk of death.

Some people may choose to pass from female to male because society is so unfair to women.

Jazz musician, Billy Tipton, died in 1989 from an ulcer because he was afraid to go to a doctor and be found out to be a biological female. There are no personal records to explain why he hid his identity. During his lifetime, it was very hard for females to become jazz musicians and there was a lot of lesbian oppression. Both of these reasons could be valid for Tipton.

As soon as the attending doctor found out Tipton’s sex, he announced it to the world.

“If you are not Transexual, Transgender, or Intersexual, if you’re not a Cross-dresser, Bigender, or Drag queen or king, then perhaps you already understand that defending our right to be who we are is inextricably tied to your own right to explore and define who you are. Each individual has a stake in Trans Liberation.” Leslie Feinberg

The first gay rights liberation organization was called that Scientific Humanitarian Committee. It was founded by Dr Magnus Hirschfeld in Germany. He was Gay, Jewish and a Socialist in 1897. His research found that gender expression and orientation were not automatically linked; this means that not all trans people are gay or lesbian.

Transgender people can be Heterosexual, Bisexual, Gay or Asexual.

The Stonewall Rebellion happened on June 28, 1969 in New York, Greenwich Village. After years of being beat up, dragged out of bars and arrested, Queer folks fought back against the police brutally until the police had to retreat.

The histories of Transgender people and Women are interconnected. Societies that degrade Women and Trans folks are divided into classes by men that divide people by a rigid categorization of gender and sex.

Gender is expressed differently in different nationalities, cultures, regions and classes.

“I am heartened by the realization that hatred of sex and gender variation is not rooted in human nature. The more I dig, the more I find that although what we think of as gender today has been expressed differently in diverse historical periods, cultures, regions, nationalities, and classes. There appears to have always been gender diversity in the human population.” Leslie Feinberg

I found this book to be very empowering. Although I am not transgendered, I am queer. Many feminists do believe that transgender females do not belong in the feminist movement, but I think this is wrong. I think at the heart of true feminism, true equality is the desire, where men and women are absolutely equal; this would extend to ALL genders. Some queer folks do not include transgender people in their fight for equality too, and this is absolutely incorrect. In a perfect world, I believe all people are worthy of the pursuit of happiness, regardless of sex or gender or orientation. While we must fight for our civil rights, transgender humans fit in the LGBTQIA+ and Women’s movements. I am thankful to Leslie Feinberg for sharing her story so bravely and helping me to understand more deeply, issues I have not experienced myself, so that I can more deeply empathize with my Queer family.

I got this book from my personal collection you can get your own copy of Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Transgender Warriors : Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis RodmanTransgender Warriors : Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Transgender Warriors is a book about the lives of transgender people, including the author, Leslie Feinberg. Feinberg researched throughout history to find how humans have changed from communal living, led by women that made room for many types of love and genders, to the colonialized version of life we now live that divides people by classes, sex, gender, religion, race, skin color, and disability all in the name of money and politics. Feinberg helps to define some of the ways that people have belittled transgender people and ways that these warriors have risen above the criticism. This is a powerful book and I highly recommend it to people that want to empathize more fully with humanity.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

My Jesus Story

I want to share my personal account with you about my God; the Father of Jesus. This is not something that I want to force you to read or make you feel anything negative about so if this is not your type of topic, I won’t be offended if you don’t read it, or you don’t believe me, but I have not copied any of this from anyone else. I don’t go to church, so I am not under the influence of any human doctrine. It is just my Jesus story.

I was raised in a family that believed in God. But it was kind of a fire and brimstone belief. That is not what I believe.

I have always spent a lot of time alone. One day, I was playing under the apple trees in my backyard; my favorite place to be. I was 5. I knew I was suddenly not alone. Jesus was with me. After that, unless I forgot, which is a very human thing to do, I was never alone. Although I didn’t always understand it, I went through phases where I would spend hours in the bible; especially the words in red.

Because my parents divorced when I was young and my father wasn’t around, my mother expected a lot out of me, since I was her oldest child. I didn’t know how to do most things that were expected of me but Jesus was My Friend. He taught me many things. My whole life, I have asked Jesus for help and I would either suddenly have a great idea or later I would have a dream and wake up knowing how to do something I had never done before.

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church, with all its blessings and limitations. When I was 20 years old, I heard the voice of God, that still small voice, for the first time. God told me it was time to leave. This church had taught me all they could teach me.

I had never really rebelled as a teenager, like most kids do. I didn’t have time. I had a house, siblings, school and 3 part time jobs that I was responsible for. At 20, I was struggling and as I was starting to express some individuality and experiment with small amounts of alcohol, cannabis and hair color. The response was to shun me, not love me. But God knew me. God knew I would never enjoy anything beyond the hair color for very long. I enjoy sobriety. I am wired that way. God also knew I had gifts that I needed help with that needed a different kind of belief.

I found myself at a nondenominational church that was related to a vineyard church. I was drawn in by the couple with Mohawks near the door and the amazing music. I was intimidated by the groups of people speaking in tongues, or shaking and quaking but I loved watching the dancers and when I was almost ready to leave because this seemed to be too much, the pastor seemed to look me in the eye, from the pulpit, and say I belonged here and wasn’t it wonderful that God could be expressed in so many different ways, so freely?

I stayed there for 5 years learning things that were helpful. Things about the spiritual realm that I had experienced all my life, but could not put into words or didn’t know anyone that could help me understand before this. Some things were useful. Some things were not, but I learned to discern the difference, not from them, but from Jesus. He was still My Friend and Teacher.

When I was 25 years old I realized I was a 20 year old Christian but I felt like a toddler. I wanted to be fed, not just by the milk that the teachers at church gave, but the meat that the bible talks about. I had been failed by humans my whole life and I wanted God to prove The Word was true.

I told God I would not go to church or read the bible until it was proven to me. I don’t recommend this to everyone. It was a risky proposition. But God was faithful. I can’t prove it to anyone but me, but one by one, God proved that God was the author and finisher of my faith.

I visit churches now, but I have not found one that offers the relationship I have with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Humans, even in their good intentions, mess things up. Politics and human nature can be our worst enemies.

I do read my bible though. Almost every day. I have read it all the way through, I don’t know how many times. Each time, I learn something new. I am encouraged. I learn more about, not only my God but myself. I learn to be objective and I learn to love.

I know that in the bible times there were many gods that were worshiped and many of them may have been aspects of My God because it was believed to even say Yahweh (the Hebrew name for God) was to own God and that was not accepted. Instead of being brave and choosing to follow one God, they broke God into pieces and worshiped God in parts. This is what made God so angry, although God did understand. That is why God had already planned to send Jesus, God’s Son, God in human form to the world so Jesus could relate to us and us to Him and He could give His life as the final sacrifice for all sin and the temples could become places of praise and worship, instead of the slaughter houses they actually were.

It has never occurred to me to learn much about other gods. This is only because no other god has ever chosen me. No other god has come to me and introduced me to themselves; they did not teach me anything, love me or help me in anyway. I am curious about other religions, only in the way that I want to respect other people and their beliefs.

Just as much as I want you to let me have my beliefs. I want to let you have yours. I hope we are both secure in ourselves and our beliefs that we can communicate in respect for each other and even learn from each other. It is my responsibility to love you and this responsibility is greater than any rights that any law a human can give me. If God has chosen you, God will change your mind.

This is my story and my truth.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Loss and Tragedy Are Always Loss and Tragedy

I was scrolling Facebook and saw several posts where people had decided that the fire in California was God’s wrath or it was fine that part of the United States is on fire because the people in that area generally have money. At first I was mortified because I can’t imagine feeling that much hate and judgement towards people I don’t know, but now I just feel sad.

Loss and tragedy are always loss and tragedy. Many of us know people that have lost something, whether it is a loved one, a beloved pet, a place we once went to for fun or relaxation, a job we once relied on, a home we enjoyed or a place we planned to go to. There is wildlife that have lost their homes and lives. There are vulnerable individuals that are still vulnerable. Not everyone in California is wealthy.

The most shocking posts were the ones that blame politicians. I mean how do you blame humans for fire and wind? Or the late rain?

There are firefighters from Canada, Mexico and Africa (and maybe more that I have missed) that found value in us, enough to come help us, but our own citizens, can hate us. I am so thankful for every helper! Every penny and resource donated and every prayer and good thought sent.

Those same people that have decided where God’s wrath should go, I feel sorry for them.

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in Him is not condemned; he who does not believe is condemned already because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.”

John 3:17-19

If you want to donate:

Thank you for your love and kindness. It is contagious. Be well.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Struggling in This Position

I had a dentist appointment on Wednesday to prepare for a crown and to fill a cavity. I have never had this many issues before with my teeth. It is caused by a medication I take to control my arthritis. I have a lot more work to be be done. But on Wednesday I was trying to work with my dental team. My mouth is very small so with my chair tilted back as far as it goes, which is kind of backwards, and my head to one side and my mouth as wide as I could open it, and my hand trying to push my jaw in the opposite direction of my head to try to make more space for my dentist and the hygienist that was assisting her, I was focusing on breathing out of my nose and reminding myself to not clench up, which I tend to do, and I thought about my sister. Jamie Holloway, who also has a small mouth but she also has a trach. I was considering that immediately as I sat down, a bib was hung around my neck and towel was put over that; Right where Jamie’s trach would be. I also know she can’t breathe lying flat so she would really be struggling in this position.

Later I texted her and asked her about it. She took a bit to answer me. But finally, she told me she doesn’t go to the dentist. I was very concerned. I asked her how she knows if there is a problem brewing in her mouth and she told me she does have issues. She has a broken tooth and nerve pain in her face. She said the last dentist she went to told her to take her trach out. They were unwilling to be creative or helpful at all.

Jamie doesn’t have that contraption in her neck that connects to her oxygen tank just for looks or for fun. She would love to be free of it but so far there is no medical procedure that will free her from the tubes and tanks that keep her alive. She has an auto immune disease that attacks her throat and lungs and she can’t breathe without her trach. She did tell me she might go back but right now she has a lot on her plate. Jamie has to have dilation surgeries on her throat and lungs regularly because the inflammation causes them to close on her. She is really struggling right now and we are all counting down to January 22 when she has her next surgery will be able to breathe better.

I’m writing this in case there is a dentist out there that has never considered that people with tracheostomies need dental care. They need dental teams that are willing to think outside the box to make sure they get what they need. Disabled people need to be able to go to places that are willing to accommodate them because they matter, they are important and they deserve to have the help they need just like everyone else.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

5 Books for December 2024

2024 was so full of blessings and opportunities to grow. Many people might not agree with me but I see challenges as opportunities to see my strengths and where I need to get stronger or let others help me. Fretting or stay angry is a waste of time. Time I could be doing better things, like reading! I found some great books to read this month, in fact I am almost out of my personal books to read. I will have to head back to the library soon, what a problem to have. 🙂

Now without further ado 5 Books for December 2024:

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Taylor the Tooting Turkey by Humor Heals Us

Taylor the Tooting Turkey: A Story About a Turkey Who Toots (Farts) (Farting Adventures Book 1)Taylor the Tooting Turkey: A Story About a Turkey Who Toots (Farts) by Humor Heals Us
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Taylor the Tooting Turkey by Humor Heals Us is not my favorite farting fiction children’s book. There is really no story but there is some humor. What might be helpful is the definition of the different types of farts the gives, if you need this information. The illustrations are cheerful and endearing.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Taylor the Tooting Turkey by Humor Heals Us on Amazon.

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A Christmas Wish for Corduroy by B.G. Hennessy

A Christmas Wish for CorduroyA Christmas Wish for Corduroy by B.G. Hennessy
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Corduroy is a sweet teddy bear that always finds an adventure by accident. He is the creation of Don Freeman, but A Christmas Wish for Corduroy is by B.G. Hennessy.

In this classic children’s fiction picture book, Corduroy wants a name, an outfit and a boy or girl to want him for Christmas and luckily for him, Corduroy accidentally makes all of his wishes come true. This heart-warming story is made even more special by illustrations by Jody Wheeler.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of A Christmas Wish for Corduroy by B.G. Hennessy on Amazon.

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The Raggedy Ann Stories by Johnny Gruelle

The Raggedy Ann StoriesThe Raggedy Ann Stories by Johnny Gruelle
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I was a little girl I had a copy of The Raggedy Ann Stories by Johnny Gruelle. I also had my mother’s Raggedy Ann doll. She was a special doll in my family. It was special to me to reread these heart-warming children’s classic fiction picture book, which included 7 short stories: Raggedy Ann Learns a Lesson, Raggedy Ann and the Kite, Raggedy Ann Rescues Fido, Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls, Raggedy Ann and the Kittens, Raggedy Ann and the Chickens, and Raggedy Ann’s New Sisters. Out of all the stories, my favorite is Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls.

All the stories have lovely morals and simple beauty and fantasy to them, but Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls is about some new fancy dolls that come to the nursery. Annabel Lee and Thomas, named after Marcella’s aunt and uncle, who sent the dolls to Marcella, thought they were better than all the other older dolls because they have real hair and fashionable clothes, while the other dolls have been well-loved and have some wear and tear, especially Raggedy Ann, who was Marcella’s grandmother’s doll and has a simple painted face, cotton stuffed body and yarn for hair.

By the end of the story, the two new dollies learn why Raggedy Ann is a favorite of all the dolls and Marcella, not because Raggedy Ann is more beautiful on the outside, but because of her great wisdom and love towards everyone. I love that this story shows that a beautiful heart is the most important feature in a person.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of The Raggedy Ann Stories by Johnny Gruelle on Amazon.

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Lightening Strikes Twice by Marci Ridlon

Lightning Strikes Twice (Woodsey Adventure)Lightning Strikes Twice by Marci Ridlon
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Papa, Mama and Milkweed are the Woodsey family. This family of squirrels live in the forest in a lovely home, high in a tree in nature. But one night there is a terrible storm that forces them to leave. The family works together to save some of their tools and possessions and their very lives as they leave their home before lightening strikes twice.

This sweet animal family loves each other and their new friend, Goodgrub Mole, as they learn how to relocate and stay positive during stressful times. Lightening Strikes Twice by Marci Ridlon is endearing and educational and the illustrations by Cyndy Szekeres are adorable.

I had this book as a child and I still love it! This children’s fiction picture book is a great addition to story time.

I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of Lightening Strikes Twice by Marci Ridlon on Amazon.

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Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn

Seattle Seahawks: Super Bowl Champions (Today's MVPs and Champions)Seattle Seahawks: Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My wife loves the Seattle Seahawks and since we have been married I have bought so much regalia that I have told her she is not allowed to fall in love with another sports team. When I bought Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn, I didn’t realize it was a children’s history book, I believe it is grade 1-2 level because it has 9 chapters, but the chapters are only 1 page long and easy to read. She has given this nonfiction book her thumbs up!

The Seattle Seahawks were formed in 1976 by mostly unwanted players. Their first year, they lost 12 of 14 games.Their success didn’t grow until 1983 when they got a new coach named Chuck Knox, who had been known to have success with other teams. The Seahawks finished 9-7 that year.

Pete Carroll became coach in 2010. People loved his positive attitude. He used the draft to choose strong players.

“The Seahawks played the New Orleans Saints on December 2, 2013. The home fans set a record for noise. The crowd was louder than a military jet taking off from an air craft carrier!”

In 2014, the Seattle Seahawks won their first Super Bowl.

This book has good information and great pictures. I think it is a great read for young readers.

I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn on Amazon.

View all my reviews

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn on Amazon.

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As 2025 begins, I hope that you are surprised with a great number of good things to bless you. Some of the best things are very small but bring great amounts of joy if you see them and appreciate them…like my wife who is holding on for dear life to her Seattle Seahawks chance at going to the Super Bowl. It could happen. It did in 2014. Happy New Year!

Be blessed.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Fighting My Body

I have been fighting my body for years. The chronic illness and pain is exhausting. The one step forward and 10 steps backwards can be so defeating. It has taken 10 years for me to create and get to a place of success with my anaerobic workout; which means I can do it every day and still do what I need to do. From this workout I have gained muscle which supports my arthritic body and lets me do more things than I used to be able to do. Walking has been a challenge.

It is hard to fight with my hips and knees but I never gave up because I want a life that is more active than it is now. Losing 50 lbs has helped. I have got stuck in a plateau so last week I decided to try to push myself a little harder. My first longer walk left me almost unable to walk for 2 days but walked as much as I could.

I have to build up my lungs for my hysterectomy where I will be upside down for the procedure. Air will be forced into my lungs. If they are not strong enough, they could collapse and the procedure will have to end.

I have not been able to be on the floor for years. When my cat, Xavier, was dying, I had to get down to see if he was alive under the bed. I was glad to see his shiny eyes, but my knees were screaming. But I want to play with my nephews and be a foster mom. I need to keep losing weight and building more muscle to support my joints and ligaments.

I am so excited to say I walked every day last week, for even only 8 minutes, except Tuesday. I walked 22 minutes yesterday and 23 minutes today. My body seems to be accepting something I want and I am dumbfounded. She usually fights me so hard. Wow!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

5 Books for October 2024

Books can take you all sorts of adventures. Some of these books I am sharing this month were books I read as a child. Some of them I read to my preschool students or nieces and nephews. Some of them are brand new to me but they remind me of other people in my life. Books are so important. I love to watch children fall in love with books because I know that books not only increase our ability to imagine new places but they teach us self reliance and resilience. If you can imagine yourself doing something, you can make it happen. I hope you are fostering love for books with the young people in your life.

Now without further ado 5 Books for October 2024:

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The Raggedy Andy Stories by Johnny Gruelle

The Raggedy Andy Stories: The Very First Raggedy Andy StoriesThe Raggedy Andy Stories: The Very First Raggedy Andy Stories by Johnny Gruelle
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I grew up with Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy and I had The Raggedy Andy Stories by Johnny Gruelle as a child. Reading this collection of children’s classics fiction stories was heartwarming and nostalgic. Out of the 8 stories: How Raggedy Andy Came, The Nursery Dance, The Spinning Wheel, The Taffy Pull, The Rabbit Chase, Raggedy Andy’s Smile, The Wooden Horse, and Making Angels in the Snow, I have to say the 6th story, Raggedy Andy’s Smile is my favorite. I loved my dolls. I loved to help them or other children’s dolls or blankets when their smile wore off or some other repair needed to be made. I love that Santa came to the rescue of all of Marcella’s dolls and repaired them all because she loved her dolls and played with them every day.

This beautiful fantasy picture book is filled with love and friendship and is perfect for any story time. I really enjoyed reading this book.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of The Raggedy Andy Stories by Johnny Gruelle on Amazon.

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Harold at The North Pole by Crockett Johnson

Harold at the North Pole (Harold, #4)Harold at the North Pole by Crockett Johnson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Harold at the North Pole by Crockett Johnson is another children’s classic fantasy about Harold and his crayon and how he solves a problem though art. This time, Harold needs a Christmas tree before Santa comes to his house. While he is out looking and drawing, there is a snow storm and he gets a little lost, but ends up at the North Pole where Santa is snowed in. Although Santa can jump up the chimney, his sleigh and all his reindeer cannot, so Harold helps him out. Harold also finds the perfect tree, just in time. This beautiful children’s holiday fiction picture book is perfect for any story time.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Harold at the North Pole by Crockett Johnson on Amazon.

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Fairy the Farting Unicorn by Humor Heals Us

Fairy the Farting Unicorn : A Funny Kid's Book About a Unicorn Who Farts (Farting Adventures 10)Fairy the Farting Unicorn : A Funny Kid’s Book About a Unicorn Who Farts by Humor Heals Us
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Fairy the Farting Unicorn by Humor Heals Us is so fun to read. It book every rule about bodily functions my nana ever taught me, but I think, even Nana would have laughed at Fairy’s floral scented flatulence, especially when she blasted the animal poachers to France! Even though the word fart was consider the “F” word when I was growing up, I have found that farting happens and children, especially my nephews, love books about farting, so I was excited to add this book to my collection fiction picture books and I have laughed through my first reading of this great fantasy. The rainbow colored illustrations are exceptional too!

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Fairy the Farting Unicorn by Humor Heals Us on Amazon.

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A Treasury of Curious George by Margret & H.A. Rey

A Treasury of Curious GeorgeA Treasury of Curious George by Margret Rey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A Treasury of Curious George by Margret & H.A. Rey is a collection of 8 stories that include: Curious George Takes a Train, Curious George Visits a Toys Store, Curious George and the Dump Truck, Curious George and the Birthday Surprise, Curious George Goes Camping, Curious George Goes to a Costume Party, Curious George Visits the Library, and Curious George in the Big City. All stories were fun and educational as we watch a little monkey, named George, be curious and get into all kinds of adventure, but if I had to pick one favorite, it would be Curious George and the Dump Truck.

In Curious George and the Dump Truck the story starts out with ducks and ducks are one of my favorite animals. George likes them too and since he had never seen ducks before, he followed them to the park where he found a dump truck. The workers were on their lunch break. George really reminds me of my nephew, Kaison, who doesn’t have a lot of words yet, but he has enough energy and curiosity for 10 children and that can lead to anything, much like the creative situations that George often finds himself in. He doesn’t mean to cause trouble, but messes often happen and there always some fun.

The illustrations in this classic fiction picture book are in the style of H.A. Rey, by Vipah International and Martha Weston and they are heartwarming and fun. George makes any story time fun.

I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of A Treasury of Curious George by Margret & H.A. Rey on Amazon.

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Walter the Farting Dog Goes On a Cruise by William Katzwinkle, Glenn Murray & Elizabeth Gundy

Walter the Farting Dog Goes on a CruiseWalter the Farting Dog Goes on a Cruise by William Kotzwinkle
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I always wonder why Walter’s family take him on adventures since his atrocious gas always gets him alienated from society, but I love that they adore him enough to try to include him. Although one might see Walter’s horrendous gas as a handicap, it always turns out to save the day, just as it does in Walter the Farting Dog Goes On a Cruise by William Katzwinkle, Glenn Murray & Elizabeth Gundy. As always Walter is isolated because no one, not even the other animals, can stand the smell of his farting, but when the computer system goes out on the cruise ship, leaving Walter on a dingy attached to the back of the boat worked out for everyone as some especially powerful farts project Walter and the ship directly into port right on time, saving the day even with some humor.

The fun and colorful illustrations by Audrey Colman really add to the enjoyment of this children’s fiction picture book.

View all my reviews

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Walter the Farting Dog Goes On a Cruise by William Katzwinkle, Glenn Murray & Elizabeth Gundy on Amazon.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Helping

My wife, Karen G Clemenson, called me to the carpet. I think what Israel chooses to do in the war between them and Palestine is none of our business, but I think we should be helping people from Latin countries who need asylum.

It isn’t that I don’t think we should stop sending food and resources and prayers for Israel and the people in the Middle East. I do. But their culture is so different. We can’t know what it is like to live with terrorists or next to a country that won’t lead itself. Besides, Israel is going to do what they are going to do and it doesn’t matter what we think and they are in their own country. They get to choose because they are in their own house.

But just like the neighbor that chooses to stay in the abusive relationship, we can’t make them change.

However, we have neighbors in abusive relationships that are banging on our door, begging for help. They don’t want their daughters to be trafficked and their sons to be forced into wars or gangs or drug cartels. We need to help them.

Some of us are afraid because life is hard and for most of us, we are juggling bills just to survive, but as I reminded my wife, even though our home is not what we desire, it is solid; we have clothes to wear and food to eat, and often we even get to share. Politicians want us to be afraid but God tells us to not be afraid. He will provide. He always does. The United States is one of the richest countries in the world, we just misuse our resources. We have enough. Stop worrying.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

It’s Time to Move

I bought into the WalkFit app. It’s on sale for $16 for the first month and $40 after that. You might wonder why I would do that when my wife, Karen G Clemenson, is one of the best personal trainers in Cowlitz County…well I am sensory person and there is just too much going on at a gym and I am truly very intrinsically motivated. I don’t usually need help. But I hate cardio. It’s time to move.

I have created several great wellness habits over the years, including an anaerobic workout that I do every day, but my nana was a very fit woman and still needed a triple bypass in her 50’s and even though scans show that my heart and arteries are all good, I still would like to avoid that situation. I would also like to be able to walk a 5K one day and return to Disneyland without help and right now I can’t honestly say my body is up for that.

I like that this app has several types of walking workouts, even indoor ones that are like light aerobic workouts. That is what sold it for me but I started with just a walk because I really haven’t walked much over the last month while I have suffered with a terrible migraine, my trigeminal neuralgia has been acting up and my TMJ has been giving me hell. I successfully walked for about 17 minutes without my cane or a shopping cart, which is how I usually get my walking in.

I have been considering this for some time but what really got me to actually move was my sister/friend,  Jamie J Holloway. She has several severe mobility issues and is usually housebound and wheelchair bound. Sunday she had to go somewhere and couldn’t take her chair. I am so overwhelmingly proud of her. I know she is hurting Monday and super tired from all the walking with her walker. She had to stop a lot to catch her breath but she did it and she made it home. If she could do that, I could do this. I don’t think she realizes how much she inspires me. That’s why I post these things because we should all be proud of our accomplishments. We can inspire and influence each other to be better, like Jamie and Karen and so many others do for me.

Falling asleep was hard because my feet and knees were complaining but once the Deep Blue Stick took affect and I did my nightly feet exercises a few extra times I slept like a log. However today my hips are not happy. I spoke with Karen about it and she agreed that I should take it easy today. I still did my regular workout but my walking will be grocery shopping. I am still a person with two kinds of arthritis. I will walk tomorrow.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Judgement Day

October is hard on me. This is my mother’s birthday month. She hates her birthday. Even as a child she hated her birthday. She also hated holidays. She seemed to hate Sunday mornings and picture days. These were the hardest days to prepare for and get through. My mother has borderline personality disorder. If you know anything about this mental illness, you know what a struggle she has had. Her brain hates her and wants her to die but she is in love with her children and is highly creative. She is generous and kind but as with many people with BPD, she excelled at work and was worn out by the time she got home and I was the target of her negativity.

I want people to love my mother. She deserves it. I love my mother. But she can’t be in my life.

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church. My mother was raised in a Southern Baptist Church. She also went to Catholic school. My father was raised Catholic. I have been taught about hell and told I will go there for the smallest to the largest of acts.

I know hell.

I won’t be cursed like this anymore. My wife reminded me that I need to get used to this because I am queer. I don’t even think about this very often. In my relationship with God, it just hasn’t been a problem. Only humans like to label me.

I was told I will pay for my belief that women’s medical decisions are to be left between them and their medical team, on Judgement Day, yesterday. It reminded me of all the times I was told I would go to hell if Jesus came right now. I don’t believe God works like this anymore but it still brought back a lot of scary memories for me.

I ask Jesus to save me and know me now, regularly. It was something I learned during my time with a Christian therapist that was helping me integrate several fractured parts of myself. It is implied that God will reveal anything I need to repent to Him for, which I do because anything that stands between God and I is sin and stops me from hearing Him. I have had a relationship with a loving God since I was 5 years old that has saved me countless times, especially as I became an adult and could begin to heal and grow into the person God actually created me to be, instead of who my family expected me to be.

I don’t have a lot of faith in people. I love people but my faith is in God. I don’t believe every conservative Christian is bad; there were many that truly helped me and loved me but I do believe that christians that let rules and dogma become more important than love and grace will not be in heaven on Judgement Day.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Dear conservative christians

Dear conservative christians: You can’t possibly understand my position on abortion. You are so stuck on an idea. My position is based on free will, which is based on what God created because God wants to be chosen. God also understands each of us better than rules and ideas. God knows that there are circumstances where humans find ourselves in desperate situations and grace is necessary. I believe that God is with all His creation and especially with babies that are aborted.

I have never had an abortion and I don’t think I would ever have been in a situation where I would have had one, because I have a relationship with God and I know He would have carried me through the worst scenario I can imagine, I can’t test that because I have never been pregnant. I don’t believe I could have become pregnant which is a huge burden to me, since being a mother, is the one thing I have wanted most. But I don’t believe I have the right to judge anyone or stop them from having a safe procedure that might allow them to have a safe pregnancy when they are ready.

I believe many christians are not truly pro-life but pro-birth. I believe this because my mother worked hard but could never afford health insurance. Healthy parents raise healthy children and work harder and pay more taxes. Our foster care system is overwhelmed with children, and yet, pro-birth christians have empty rooms in their homes.

My words are hard to hear because many conservative christians don’t want to consider themselves to be Pharisees, but when ideas and rules are bigger than love and relationship, that is exactly what you become. Jesus came to teach us that love, forgiveness, grace and mercy is bigger than the rules we can’t follow because they cause death. The bible is an important tool but it must be read continuously along with prayer and relationship with God and not relying on the teaching of humans. Humans like to rely on rules because it is safe and comfortable. Rules can be helpful but relationship with God, who knows us best, is where real growth and compassion comes in. There is corruption that has been sewn into the bible too because humans have edited the bible over the years to benefit their agendas. This is why relationship with God and honest prayer is vital to bible study.

There is no room in heaven for Pharisees. Conservative christians need to know that is in the bible too. Your rules cannot be bigger than your love and mercy. The rules in the bible were meant to teach us how to have self control, so we would have less stress. The rules were not meant for us to impose on other people.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

5 Books for September 2024

Reading can be so fulfilling. In fact, the 5 books, I read yesterday for this post, have put me over my yearly goal on GoodReads. I had a goal of 72 books for this year and I am at 73 books now; that is 20 books ahead of schedule, according to GoodReads. That is awesome and I even factored in the 5 books I would read every month for this post. I must have really found some good books this year! I look forward to my children’s books because they are usually less complicated than my adult books. I highly recommend reading children’s books just for the stress relief. So without further ado…Here are 5 Books for September 2024:

What is Given From the Heart by Patricia C. McKissack

What Is Given from the HeartWhat Is Given from the Heart by Patricia C. McKissack
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What is Given From the Heart by Patricia C. McKissack is a heartwarming children’s fiction story that draws you in and fills your heart with love. You feel the curiosity and hope that James Otis has even as he deals with the death of his father and he wants to help his neighbor, Sarah, feel better after her home has burnt. This book is about community and sharing and taking care of each other even in poverty. I was overwhelmed by the gentle friendship everyone shared. This is a very special book.

The illustrations by April Harrison add to the simple magic of the picture book. Although this story takes place in black culture this story can take place in any family setting.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of What is Given From the Heart by Patricia C. McKissack on Amazon.

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Curious George Takes a Job by H. A. Rey

Curious George Takes a JobCurious George Takes a Job by H.A. Rey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

All Curious George books are full of adventure but I think Curious George Takes A Job by H. A. Rey tops them all! If you don’t know George, he is a little monkey that gets himself in all kinds of humorous situations. In this story, George starts out by breaking out of the zoo and leaving all the animals behind. Next he is washing dishes in a restaurant, washing windows, painting an apartment, breaking his leg in a fall, which lands him in the hospital, which is how his friend, the man in the yellow hat, finds him to have him star in a feature film. George is charming and curious, of course and this is why this fiction children’s classic picture book is perfect for story time.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Curious George Takes A Job by H. A. Rey on Amazon.

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Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr.
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I love the simple poetry of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. I especially love the colorful art by Eric Carle. This particular copy is a large board book so it can be cleaned which is another plus. This book is about animals, colors, repetition and differences. This is a great children’s classic fiction book for toddlers and preschoolers to practice their talking and asking questions and rhyming.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. on Amazon.

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Fritz the Farting Reindeer by Humor Heals Us

Fritz the Farting Reindeer: A Story About a Reindeer Who Farts (Farting Adventures Book 3)Fritz the Farting Reindeer: A Story About a Reindeer Who Farts by Humor Heals Us
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Fritz the Farting Reindeer by Humor Heals Us is an adorable story about a reindeer with a farting problem. This year Comet and Cupid can’t be in the line-up with Santa to deliver toys for Christmas and so Fritz is trying really hard to get Santa’s attention without blowing it. Even though he couldn’t hide his gas, in the end, Santa still chose him. Fritz was so excited! I think this story is one that a lot of children will really enjoy!

I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of Fritz the Farting Reindeer by Humor Heals Us on Amazon.

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Through My Eyes by Ruby Bridges

Through My Eyes: Ruby BridgesThrough My Eyes: Ruby Bridges by Ruby Bridges
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I bought Through My Eyes by Ruby Bridges, I didn’t think I was buying a children’s book but when it came, I was surprised. After reading this 61 page history book about segregation and integration and the autobiography of the first grade, Ruby Bridges, who happens to be Black, I still feel it is not for young readers. It is a powerful tool for teaching an important part of our cultural history in the viewpoint of a child, which has left me overwhelmed with emotions; much like I have read a much larger book in only a few minutes.

The Civil Rights Movement has come so far and this book illustrates many of its very important first steps. This picture book is not comprised of illustrations but photographs of real events as you would expect with any memoir. The descriptions and writing in this nonfiction biography are well done. Honestly, I don’t want to explain some of the things in this book to the children that come to my home and I don’t plan to keep it. Some of the details are too much for a casual conversation and I think they should be left for middle school or high school age children.

View all my reviews

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Through My Eyes by Ruby Bridges on Amazon.

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I have to say I was really surprised by Through My Eyes by Ruby Bridges. It is a good book but I think it will serve us better somewhere else. I think after I get it back from my sister, Jamie Holloway, I will donate it to Longview Public Library. If they can’t us it, maybe someone will want to buy it and they will be blessed that way. It is always good to share.

Be blessed.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

I Tried to Call My Father Daddy Once

I was a dad’s girl. I tried to call my father daddy once and we both gave each other a look. We both knew he wasn’t a daddy. It wasn’t that he didn’t love me. I knew he loved me. It was just that neither of us was overly cuddly. We were more logical. I was in grade school and there were girls that called their dads by that name and I was trying it out. It was not natural. I didn’t do it again.

If Dad was available I would be by his side. I am sure I tried his patience a lot, but I did learn to work because that was what my dad liked to do. We worked in the yard. We worked on the cars and on the bikes. We built a shed. We worked in the garden. I wasn’t allowed to prune the trees or anything dangerous but I liked being with my dad. He thought more like me. Most of my questions didn’t overwhelm him. He was usually the most stable parent. If he got upset, there was always a reason; you knew to obey him and never do certain things.

My mom was different. Her mental illness made her different. I never really knew which mom I was going to run into. She was very emotional. She wanted a daughter that wanted to be coddled and I wasn’t that way. She had an easier time with my younger siblings.

My life seemed perfect until I was 5 years old. There is a definite line in my life that started there. My great-grandmother died. I called her Grammy. She was my favorite person. Jesus introduced Himself to me when I was playing under the apple trees in the backyard. I was by myself so there aren’t any witnesses but I will never forget that day and how I never really felt alone again. I also think that was the year that my parent’s marriage really began to fall apart.

My dad left when I was 9 years old. He had made promises to me about when I became a woman. He said he would still be there for me. But he lied.

He lied a lot.

He not only lied but he left me holding the bag. I now had all his responsibilities. He really did expect me to take care of my siblings and the house. He expected me to be happy when I came to visit him even though he emotionally abused me the entire car ride to his place where I had to be respectful of his girlfriend and eventual wife. I hated her. I am positive it was mutual.

Not one promise my father made to me, growing up, ever came true.

I tried to make friends with his wife, when I was a young adult, but she didn’t want that. It didn’t fit in with what she wanted. I was supposed to be the scapegoat.

In my young 20’s, I was in therapy and trying to become whole. It was hard because I didn’t know how to leave the abuse that we were all used to. But when I got married, I left and I finally had someone that asked me to not let them hurt me anymore. After several therapists had suggested I leave them behind, I told them I needed a break. It was supposed to be a break.

But my siblings cut me off. They tallied up anything they ever hated about me and rallied against me and anytime I tried to talk to my father he would tell me about them. I was so confused. He had always said that when we were adults, his job was done. If that was true than these things were none of his business. Why was he talking to me about things they should be talking to me about, but weren’t? Why was he yelling me about this? Why was I being abused still?

When I got cancer I didn’t want my parents to hear it from anyone but me. I felt like I should respect them at least that much. I had told my friends first but that had been in a text. I hadn’t actually said it out loud yet. I had heard it at the doctor’s office with my wife and texted my friends. This was a mistake. I called my mom first but she didn’t answer. So Dad got the message first and I broke down. While I was crying he was telling me about the problems with my damn siblings and their adult kids again. What the hell!

The call ended up with me calling my father a son of a bitch. A few weeks later I sent him a letter asking for forgiveness for my response to him. I don’t believe he deserves to be spoken to like that. But I also see how he brings out the worst in me. I told him I had to be done. I told him I didn’t want to be his daughter anymore. I didn’t want anything from him ever again. I loved him and I pray for him but I had to be done.

I know he didn’t understand this letter. I know he didn’t understand the level of pain I was in to make these statements; that after years of begging for respect and love and better communication, I was removing myself from his flock. Even though I see myself as the most like him and I understand why he does what he does, I have to protect myself. I have forgiven him but I had to leave.

His wife expects me to come back because she usually gets what she wants. She has written to me in his name. I know my father knows me. He knows when I say I am done that I really mean it. I know it was her that wrote the letter that I received the week after my grandpa died, knowing I would be hurting. She really expected me to want reconciliation and she really expected me to apologize but I don’t have anything to apologize for. I am not sorry.

I have repented to God for the pain that my healing has caused. I know that my telling my stories has caused pain because my growth and honesty hurts my fixed mindset extended family members that need to keep their secrets. It is healthy and necessary for me to tell my stories and I also know that there are people that read my stories and they are empowered by them and I want them to be. I am not so special that my stories can’t help someone just as they help me to heal.

I have been told that because I tell my stories I have betrayed my extended family members. That is the trouble with family abuse and traumas that are never dealt with until someone says; here and no further. Because my family has refused to get help with their traumas, which are there. Because they are there, they have perpetuated a system of pain. They could be proud of me. They could see that I am brave and honest. They could see that I have learned a lot of positive tools to deal with the things my brain and body lie to me about and they could join me in getting well. They have not chosen to change. They have that right.

There is a difference between forgiveness and repentance. When we repent we recognize we have made an error and we try our hardest to never do it again. I know this is next to impossible from my fixed mindset family. But it is not impossible for God to do anything. If God wants reconciliation He will make it happen. He knows what I need and what we all need. I trust Him.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

I believe that Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier is one of the saddest stories I have ever read. The first time I ever heard about this book, I was reading The Reading List by Sara Nisha Adams. This classic fiction novel was on the reading list in this book; since then I have also seen it on a couple more literary must read lists, so I purchased it and made sure to read it. I don’t believe the book mentions any dates for reference, but it must take place around the time it was written, 1938. I suspect this because people had cars but no TVs in their homes, women were educated but men still did most of the talking.

“I believe there is a theory that men and women emerge finer and stronger after suffering, and that to advance in this or any world, we must endure ordeal by fire.” Chapter 2

Rebecca was the name of the first wife of Mr. de Winter. Although Rebecca is dead, she is still the main character throughout this mystery. Although the narrator and secondary character is the second Mrs. de Winter and we never hear her first name throughout this entire romance thriller.

Rebecca is an intense book. It is well written. I was compelled to continue reading it. There was growth in the characters, especial the second Mrs. de Winter, but it was a stressful story. I am not in love with the ending. It doesn’t feel finished.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

RebeccaRebecca by Daphne du Maurier
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I related a lot to the narrator of this book. As a young woman I was very shy and not able to communicate or feel capable of knowing how to make myself known. The second Mrs. de Winter was a very young lady when she married her much older husband and she had no idea the history of the family she was marrying into or even the history of her husband. She had a lot of learning and growing to do and she was forced to do it or lose him. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier is a complicated and sad story of mystery and manipulation.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

In all the world we will never find a love like what we receive from God. I knew that before I read The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning because in all the world I have only met a few people that even came close to God’s ability to accept me and know me and love me even partially as well as He loves me. This book celebrates this truth and encourages us to reach out to our broken, imperfect neighbors and love each other anyway because it is what God does. We are all given the opportunity to be un-entitled beggars able to receive God’s mercy.

“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” Brennan Manning

When we accept our humanity, we declare our freedom from hunger for power or acceptance from others because we are more secure in ourself. We no longer fear criticism, because we accept our limitations. When we trust in God, who loves us consistently and faithfully nurtures us to be free disciples we are able to foster other loving people.

Jesus hung out with ragamuffins. In Jewish culture, to share a meal is to declare friendship. In bible times, sinners (ragamuffins) were outcasts and it was illegal to mix with them so Jesus was breaking the law and breaking the structure of Jewish society. Jesus was the first to treat ragamuffins with dignity and show them they were acceptable to God. :

  • the poor
  • the lepers
  • the blind
  • the hungry
  • the lame
  • sinners
  • prostitutes
  • tax collectors
  • the persecuted
  • the downtrodden
  • the captives
  • those possessed with unclean spirits
  • all who labor
  • all who are heavy burdened
  • the people that didn’t know the law
  • the crowds
  • the little ones
  • the least
  • the last
  • the lost sheep of the house of Isreal

Imposters in the Spirit always prefer appearance to reality: Self deception sells our sinfulness and prevents us from seeing that we are all ragamuffins. The self-righteous place their trust in the works of the law and closed their hearts to the gift and message of grace.

The poor is spirit (Matthew 5:3) are all those who rely entirely on the mercy of God and accept the gospel of grace. The poor in spirit are like children. Children are unselfish and incapable of pretense — they just accept the gift of the kingdom of God in faith. But we are called to be like children. Children had no worth in the bible times. So to be like a child is a big call. Christians must be willing to be totally humbled to accept oneself as unimportant and of little account. If we maintain that open-mindedness of children, we challenge fixed ideas of established structures — even our own. An open-mind believer realizes that in reality, truth and Jesus Christ are incredibly open-ended.

“Honesty is such a precious commodity that its seldom found in the world or the church. Honesty requires the truthfulness to admit the attachment and addictions that control our attention, dominate our consciousness, and function as false gods.” Brennan Manning

Repentance is not just what we do for forgiveness — it is an expression of gratitude because forgiveness can’t be earned. Once forgiven, our past is irrelevant before God. God is in the now — in the present. God is not our enemy. He is not intent on trying, tempting or testing us. He does not promote suffering and pain. Jesus teaches us that a relationship with God drives out fear, mistrust, anxiety and guilt. A true relationship is hopeful, joyous, trusting and compassionate. Human love is a faint shadow of God’s love because of it’s passion and emotion — it is a thin echo of the love of God. Authentic Christianity leads us to treat others with love and communion. It should lead the Christian to maturity, personality and reality, and reverence for the mystery of humanity in spirituality.

Jesus told us not to fear because fear was useless. He told us to trust and have joy and share this with others.

Some Christians want to be slaves. It is easier to let others make the decisions or rely on the law than to be truly honest with God and accept our limitations in religion and the gift of grace.

At this end of this book are 19 inspirational bible studies. I wish that I had been doing them while I read the book. Since I think this is a book that is to be read again and I again, I will keep this in mind when I read it next time. I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to grow in their relationship with Christ and their understanding of theology.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Ragamuffin GospelThe Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have tried to read this book for over 20 years. In fact this is not the first copy of this book I have bought. Now was the time for this book and I am glad I finally read it because over the years, in my personal study of the bible, I have come to find that my beliefs, which seem to be different that what I was taught growing up, are exactly what are in this book. I am thankful that I can never earn the mercy and forgiveness I have got from God. I love that God is so in love with me that I can learn that kind of love from Him. That I can even try to share that kind of love with others. I know that my version of love is just a shadow of His, but I am glad to be free from the law and to live in His grace. This book is such a gift.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Rosa Parks In Her Own Words by Susan Reyburn

Rosa Parks was an amazing woman and what is special about this biography put out by the Library of Congress is that it is full of pictures of her memorabilia and writings. She was an avid writer and notetaker and would write on anything she had on hand. I find this fascinating because I do this too.

Rosa Parks was active in helping people well before the day she chose to not get off the bus. She also:

  • Educated voters
  • Supported activists
  • Campaigned for political candidates
  • Fought segregation
  • Sought justice for victims of sexual assault, abduction and gang rape

Rosa Parks lived for freedom not just for herself but for others. She wanted all people to be treated well.

“I would rather be lynched than live to be mistreated.” Rosa Parks

Many people had been abused as they protested bus segregation before Rosa Parks. Her actions were not planned but there was a lot to fuel the fire of history. Rose had just reached her tipping point on that day.

  • Brown v. Board of Education which said that segregation of schools was unconstitutional
  • Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl had been roughed up and dragged off a Montgomery bus for not giving up her seat to a white person
  • Emmitt Till, a 14-year-old boy has been murdered by the KKK for a comment no one heard him make

Because of Parks’ calm demeanor and good reputation the president of the NAACP chose her to be the face of resistance. Many things happened that were a help to the civil rights movement because Rosa Parks chose to stay seated one day on the bus. On June 6, 1956 Browder v. Gayle stated that bus segregation was unconstitutional. Civil rights leaders were expecting pushback from Alabama and they got it. Alabama appealed on November 13, 1965 but the lower court upheld the ruling. Alabama appealed a second time but it was denied and Federal Marshalls handed Mayer Gayle official notice on December 20, 1956.

“I want to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free and wanted others to be free.” Rosa Parks

This is the first nonfiction book that I have read about Rosa Parks but she also wrote books about her life and I intend to read those too:

  • Quiet Strength
  • My Story
  • Dear Mrs. Parks: A Dialogue with Today’s Youth

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Rosa Parks In Her Own Words by Susan Reyburn on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Rosa Parks: In Her Own WordsRosa Parks: In Her Own Words by Susan Reyburn
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Rosa Parks was a humble and great woman. She worked hard to serve others for the betterment of the civil rights movement because she wanted to be remembered as a person that wanted to be free and wanted others to be free. She was not wealthy and did not ask for riches for anything she ever did but she has gone down in history has an amazing force for good. This book, put out by the Library of Congress is full of notes and personal memorabilia that she kept while on her journey towards freedom for us all.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

5 Books for August 2025

I can’t believe that summer break is over and school has begun again. Summertime flew by. It seems to go faster every year. I hope you got your reading in. I read 24 books over the summer. I think that is pretty good for me, considering only 9 of them were adult books. I love to read. If you have any books you would like me to review just let me know! Now for the 5 Books for August 2024:

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Harold’s Trip to the Sky by Cricket Johnson

Harold's Trip to the Sky (Harold, #3)Harold’s Trip to the Sky by Crockett Johnson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I love Harold and I love his adventures. Harold’s Trip to the Sky by Cricket Johnson is a sweet and classic children’s fiction story that takes you along with Harold and his purple crayon as he attempts to visit the moon, but misses and lands on Mars instead. Don’t worry, in this space fantasy Harold still makes it home in time for breakfast. I love how Harold talks about what people are afraid of and he bravely faces them with his art. I think this is my favorite Harold and the Purple Crayon picture book.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Harold’s Trip to the Sky by Cricket Jonhson on Amazon.

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Make Way for the Ducklings by Robert McCloskey

Make Way for DucklingsMake Way for Ducklings by Robert McCloskey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I remember having Make Way for the Ducklings by Robert McCloskey on my bookshelf when I was a child. I had an aunt and uncle who lived in Boston, where this fiction story takes place and they had sent the book to us. I don’t remember the story though. It made reading this children’s classic, like new today and I am glad I have this book to share with my great niece and nephews. I love how this bird family, Mr. and Mrs. Mallard looked for the perfect place, free from foxes, turtles and other animals, bicycles and other things with wheels to raise their ducklings. I also love how when the ducks were ready for their first adventure, the police were ready to make way for the ducklings. This is a perfect family picture book.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Make Way for the Duckling by Robert McCloskey on Amazon.

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Corduroy Lost and Found by B.G. Hennessy

Corduroy Lost and FoundCorduroy Lost and Found by B.G. Hennessy
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Corduroy Lost and Found by B.G. Hennessy is an adorable bear adventure just like the fiction animal adventures had by the character created by Don Freeman. It is great to see Corduroy continue on with new artists! In this children’s classic story, Corduroy finds out that Lisa’s birthday is coming and he wants to find the perfect gift for her. But on the way he gets lost. With the help of new friends, Lisa finds him, which is she really wanted all along. This precious family story is the perfect addition to story time. The illustrations by Jody Wheeler really bring this fantasy picture book to life.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Corduroy Lost and Found by B.G.Hennessy on Amazon.

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Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang

Grumpy MonkeyGrumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Jim Panzee woke up in a bad mood but he doesn’t know it, but luckily all his animal friends in the jungle are there for him and help him understand his feelings. It’s ok to feel what your feel, even if its s a beautiful day. Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang is a wonderful children’s fiction book that examines emotions with the use of humor. The illustrations by Max Lang are fun and inviting to any story time.

I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang on Amazon.

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Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble at the Yard Sale by William Katzwinkle and Glenn Murray

Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble At the Yard SaleWalter the Farting Dog: Trouble At the Yard Sale by William Kotzwinkle
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Surprisingly, Walter’s family brought him to the yard sale and wondered why no one came to their yard sale, not even other animals. If you know about Walter, you know he is a dog with terrible, smelly gas. Walter probably should have stayed inside for the day but where is the humor in that? Walter’s amazing farting was so powerful, he only caught the attention of a wannabe bank robber with extra stinky crime on his mind, in Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble at the Yard Sale by William Katzwinkle and Glenn Murray. I was shocked that Father was willing to part with Walter for only $10 but in the end, Walter made his way home and saved the day. The fun illustrations by Audrey Colman really make this children’s fiction picture book extra fun!

View all my reviews

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Walter the Farting Dog: Trouble at the Yard Sale by William Katzwinkle and Glenn Murray on Amazon.

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You learn such amazing things when you read. Sometimes you just learn about yourself and what you like. Reading is one of the best things I ever learned. I hope you make time to read.

Be blessed.

~

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Growing Pains

I am watching SEAL Team. It’s a rerun; the one where Jason’s wife is killed by a drunk driver. But this episode is not about Alana, it is totally about Jason. I am amazed to watch Jason’s entire team stop everything to support him. He is their leader but he is in need and they are there for him. They know he can handle war, but not this.

The stressful extended family dreams have made sleep frustrated lately. Every night I pray for them. I ask God to help me forgive them, in case I have missed something. I want them to to be happy. I want them to blessed. I want to be free.

This latest D&C has left me in pain. More than the others. I was told by someone that every time I go through these, there is scar tissue that gets re-traumatized. My oncologist said she was going to cut deeper this time to try to remove all the cancer. It is no wonder I hurt.

I asked for a second day of oxycontin. I have never done that before. I have to admit, I have considered asking for more but what if those pills are instigating some of the bad dreams? I need to get away from being alone, not being loved, heard, seen or valued.

I know it isn’t fair to say I wasn’t loved. I wasn’t loved in a way that felt good. I was needed. I was expected to hold things together. I was required to accept daily abuse and forgive. I was the one who served, regardless of my needs and wants. I was only supported if the other parent was at fault.

It should have got better when we became adults, but it didn’t. I was still at fault, not good enough, only there if I was to serve. No one chose to know me, hear me, or actually love me. I didn’t trust anyone because most people that said they loved me was a liar. They gossiped about me, rejected me and either lied about me or believed lies about me but never spoke to me. I was good enough to care for their babies until they were self-sufficient or their dog but I wasn’t good enough to invite to their day trips to the beach, or visits, school programs or even over for dinner. I wasn’t like them.

I can’t say I miss them. Who wants to drive four hours to be ignored? I miss the idea of the family I always wanted to love me but I am coming to peace with this.

I am definitely not a SEAL Team Member but I had seen people in my family support each other. I personally didn’t know what that felt like after my father left. I was told all my life that because I was fat I would never marry, have a good job and I would probably die young. Every ache and pain was blamed on my weight. When I went to the doctor, I don’t remember what they said but I do know that my parent would tell everyone what they knew. I had no privacy. I stopped going to the doctor.

When I was 25-years-old I started having medical issues but it was hard for me because I was so confused by how I had been raised. Also this was during the 1990’s when psychiatrists were over-prescribing medications and it was not helping me at all. This ended up being an even bigger mess and I still didn’t know I was an abuse victim, although I had kept working with a therapist.

When I was 35-years-old, it finally occurred to me to ask myself what I wanted out of life. I was so used to being told what to do and who to be. Anything I wanted that didn’t align to what my parents wanted was stupid. At this time, all I knew was that I wanted my family to love me.

Three years later, I got really sick. I had just worked with Living Ministries, our nonprofit, on a 24 hour telethon called Christmas Joy Telethon and I got the flu. I hadn’t told anyone that I had a sore on my left leg for 8 years. But this flu caused that sore to take over my leg. I knew I needed to go to the hospital but I wasn’t ready, mentally to go.

My family loves me by bullying me. My youngest sibling brought my nephew over to guilt trip me into going to the hospital. I was so angry. He and I have always had a special bond and I hated that his parent would put their child in this position. I promised him that I had a plan to go, I just needed time to be emotionally ready. I also apologized to him for what the family was doing to him. Of course the family that is closed-minded and doesn’t care what I think, did not care what I wanted, so they called the police and told them I was suicidal.

Soon I had a police officer banging on my locked bedroom door, demanding I come out. They didn’t know my name. They didn’t know anything other than I lived in my mother’s house and the family had decided I wanted to kill myself. I knew if I went with them, I would not get medical treatment. I would be taken to the behavioral sciences floor at PeaceHealth St John and probably isolated. This is not what I needed and I didn’t want this on my record.

God told me to stay calm. So I did.

My brother-in-law was preparing to break the door down. I calmly asked him to not break my mother’s house. Thankfully, he stopped.

I told the police officers, I would not let them in my room but I would open the door. I told them who I was and what was going on. When they heard about the telethon fundraiser for The Salvation Army, they relaxed. They did get me to let Karen G Clemenson in the room and one paramedic. The paramedic had already spoken with Karen. He agreed, when he saw the plain Greek yogurt and steamed broccoli that I was trying to eat that I was probably really concerned about my health and not wanting to die. He took my vitals and although they were a little high, they were not outrageous and the stress of being sick and the situation was a good reason for them being elevated.

I told him I planned to go to Legacy Salmon Creek in a couple of days. I was not interested in going to PeaceHealth St John. The paramedic said that was acceptable but if he was called back he would have to take me against my will. My leg was very swollen. I told him that he would not need to be called.

After I came home from the hospital, I think I felt a bit like Jason after his wife died. Alana had been the one to keep his life at home in control while he was away on special operations all over the world. I had been forced to let go of a lot of the walls I had built around myself to be able to ask for help. That part of me that took care of everyone and took the neglect and abuse didn’t want to do that anymore. I held on for as long as I could because I knew if I made a change, my nieces and nephews could be taken away from me. They were the only ones I had real relationships with. But at some point I had to take care of me. When I told my parents I had to take a break from them, my siblings chose my parents and took their kids with them; just as I expected.

I don’t have a large team. I have my wife, my sister/friend, Jamie Holloway, and one aunt that checks in with me. But I know my team has my back. I have spent the last 10 years learning how to listen to myself, love myself and be who I was created to be. Although I have told my parents I can’t have them in my life until they see therapists, so at least I know they are trying to be better, I doubt that will happen. Their traumas run deep. It is scary to admit the way you have lived all your life is not healthy and work to change it. I know. I have done it and I continue to do it. It is so much easier to say: This is who I am and if you don’t like it, leave — and that is what I did.

There came a day where I realized that one of my siblings had always been emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me. My parents never protected me. This was their golden child. This sibling has paid greatly for their position, in my opinion. From the outside, they have a great life but they are miserable. So material things and manipulation have made them golden and I have no interest in competing.

It may sound like I resent this sibling, but I don’t. They have done what they need to do to survive. To be successful in a fixed mindset way. They have followed all the rules. Did everything as society told them and they look good. Most of the people I am related to are fixed mindset people.

I am a growth mindset person. I believe I can change and I can become what I want. However, convention had never interested me. I was not able to find success the way the rest of my family was. Probably a lot of that had to do with the chronic illness I live with. That as I learn to live with, I get better, however I have done it without them. When my youngest sibling was diagnosed with MS, we all did a 5K walk to support them. No one cares what I live with.

The siblings did reach out when I told my parents I have cancer. I will give them that. But it had been years with no communication. I just have nothing for them. I can’t carry any of them anymore and I don’t trust them. I have been talked about and set up too many times. I don’t want one more angry phone call, text or letter because they decided I am a monster when I am not, I’m just not the golden child.

There is a scene in this episode of SEAL Team, when Jason breaks all the beer bottles and then beats up the fridge and the garbage can until they are all dented. I can relate to his rage. Even though he scared his kids and he admitted he should not have done it, sometimes you have to let the anger out. Sometimes I have used my writing to vent, but even now, I don’t believe I am doing that. I have told some of these stories before, but not all of the details. I think I needed to share them. I needed to share that I am a reasonable person that has been treated unreasonably.

I can’t go back to how things used to be. I won’t hide my queerness to make one parent happy. I won’t let the other parent judge me when they are not without their own sin. I won’t compete with siblings that were raised by traumatized parents that didn’t have the emotional strength to handle 4 children so they forced us to compete for attention and other necessities.

After these last 10 years, I am used to being loved extravagantly by God and Karen and I don’t want any form of counterfeit. I am beautifully and wonderfully made by God and He has never left me or been shocked by me. He thinks that way about you too. I have my story. You have yours. God does not change.

I can’t worry about why my extended family thinks I wrote about them. Unfortunately, just because they ignored me and rejected me regularly, I was still there. This is my life I am writing about. I loved them. I gave to them because I wanted everything to be good. I sacrificed so much. There were teachers that would have helped me find a new home if I would have asked, but I knew I was needed at home while one parent worked and the other was off making a new family and was never there.

I knew mental illness was in my house but to this day there are working United States citizens that can’t afford health insurance so they don’t get the help they need and this is disgusting. A healthy workforce can pay more taxes and buy most stuff, let alone raise healthier children that will grow up and do the same. This makes so much sense to me as a former child of a single parent.

I was raised in a time when we didn’t know that kids could have chronic migraines. Fibromyalgia is still relatively new. Neurodivergence—OMG! How could my parents even deal with my anxiety disorder and depression when one was living with their own untreated mental illness and the other doesn’t believe mental illness is real?

Do you see how I had some short-comings? I have overcome so much! I understand how these things were missed. I am so thankful I know about what is going on inside my body now and I have a medical team that is helping me. They even agree that my wight is not my number one issue — however we now know that I have always been insulin resistant, even before I was diabetic, so diet, exercise and medicine are working for me.

In some ways, I feel sorry for my extended family because I am getting so much better, smarter, kinder, more patient and overall more interesting and compassionate. But I can’t share this with them because life is what it is and people make their own choices. I don’t come from people that forgive; themselves or anyone else. They seem to think I owe them apologies, but you don’t ask children to apologize for crying when they have growing pains and what I have done is just make space for me to grow.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith

“Bathsheba looked directly toward the threshing floor and the king’s store house directly behind the palace. David was giving a staggering amount to this work [the building of the temple]. But she would expect nothing less of him. He was a man devoted, consumed, in his passion for the Lord his God. A generous man who had learned the gratitude that comes of sins forgiven.”

Bathsheba was King David’s eighth wife, but he was not her first husband. She was originally the wife of Uriah the Hittite, one of the King’s Thirty most trusted captains. Uriah was loyal to the rules King David, the king of Israel, established for his soldiers during war, which included celibacy. Wars could last months and Bathsheba was often very lonely.

During the beginning of this biblical fiction book, King David’s favorite wife, Abigail, died after giving birth to their third child and King David was very distraught. He stayed behind from a battle and eventually met Bathsheba on her roof. They were both attracted to each other, but they stayed away from each other, knowing they were married.

Still depressed, King David, stayed back from another war. His wives quarrels had become too much for him, Abigail had often been the peacekeeper. King David and Bathsheba kept bumping into each other until one night he sent for her.

In all the four years Bathsheba was married to Uriah, she had never conceived. Bathsheba had grown accustomed to the idea that she was barren. However one evening with the king brought forth a child. When Bathsheba told the king, he called Uriah home from war and suggested that he go home to his wife. After two nights, Uriah stayed faithful to his men at war and slept at the castle’s front gate with the guards. He did not want to fail his men.

Knowing that by the time Uriah returned from war, the pregnancy could not be covered up and the consequences for adultery was death, King David ordered Uriah the Hittite to the front line, where certain death came. After the allotted time of grieving, King David took Bathsheba as his bride.

The birth of David and Bathsheba’s first son brought the attention of Nathan the profit with a message from God. The truth was revealed and David repented. God forgave David and Bathsheba but He took their first son. God also said that sword would never leave his house, while he was alive.

Years later, after David and Bathsheba had know the forgiveness of God for their forbidden romance and raised their 4 sons, King David announced his son Solomon as his successor. He had never know war and was the one to bring peace to Israel. King Solomon would go down in history as being able to do things that King David would never have been able to do.

Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith is #3 in a three part historical fiction series of the Wives of King David: Michal, Abigail and Bathsheba are wonderful novels. Each book is powerful and can stand on their own. Michal, telling about David in his youth and running from King Saul. Abigail tells of King David as his kingdom is established. Bathsheba shares about his last years. King David was a strong and passionate leader and these three of many wives helped him in so many ways. I highly recommend these Christian fiction books on their own or as the series.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Bathsheba (The Wives of King David, #3)Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith showcases the humanity of King David and Bathsheba and the love and mercy that God offers for His own pleasure and purpose. I found myself having compassion on both characters because there was so much sadness and loneliness around them. I could understand how they might have been able to cling to each other, even though they had their own spouses. Among the pain there is growth and forgiveness and that is the theme of life. I truly enjoyed the Wives of King David series, this book being #3. I highly recommend this fiction book to anyone that likes to read, even if you are not a Christian.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Abigail by Jill Eileen Smith

Abigail by Jill Eileen Smith is an amazing historical fiction novel based on the story of King David in the bible. Abigail was David’s third wife, but before she was King David’s wife, she was betrothed to Nabal, a cruel, rich man who had inherited debt owed to his father, by Abigail’s father. Both Abigail’s father and brother worked for Nabal and Abigail was promised to him as soon as she was old enough to marry.

The marriage was filled with abuse and infidelity but Abigail was honorable to her husband in order to honor God. When David’s men protected Nabal’s livestock and required some pay, Nabal refused. Knowing this would not end well, Abigail ordered her servants to pack mules with provisions and she met David on his way to seek revenge. David respected how Abigail honored him and was thankful for the payment. There were mutual feelings on both sides at their first meeting.

As Abigail tried to tell her husband how she had saved his life and corrected his mistake, Nabal was about to strike her, but God would not allow it and struck Nabal down, who died a few days later. When David found out, he asked permission from Abigail’s father, who had joined his camp earlier, for her hand and once he agreed, David offered to marry Abigail, knowing that a woman without a husband in Israel at that time was powerless, Abigail accepted.

Abigail knew she was David’s third wife and knew he would probably take more wives. She truly loved David and he truly loved her. David even admitted, he wished he had met her first, so she could be his only wife. Her love for the Lord and her wisdom were a great comfort to him. Out of all his wives, she was the easiest confidant and support.

But sharing King David was a true test of her strength and devotion. It was hard to bear the other wive’s complaints and to share his time among them and their children, but with God’s help they made it work.

Abigail is number 2 in the 3 part biblical fiction series of The Wives of King David. I can’t really compare this book to the first one: Michal. Abigail is it’s own story. Both books are wonderful in their own ways. Whether you are a Christian or not I believe that this story of romance and war is compelling and worth the read.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Abigail by Jill Eileen Smith on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Abigail: A Novel (The Wives of King David) by Jill Eileen Smith (2010) PaperbackAbigail: A Novel (The Wives of King David) by Jill Eileen Smith (2010) Paperback by Jill Eileen Smith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Abigail by Jill Eileen Smith is number two in a 3 part Christian Fiction series about The Wives of King David. Abigail was King David’s third wife and probably his favored because of her love for the Lord and her wise ways. She came to him while he was still living in the wilderness, hiding from King Saul’s murderous hunting and rose with him to the pinnacle of his success. The story of Abigail is full of history, romance, war and everything in between. I really enjoyed this book.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: Michal by Jill Eileen Smith

Michal by Jill Eileen Smith is biblical fiction and based on history as found in the bible; the story of the rise of King David.

“And suddenly she knew. A window to her soul opened, and Michal squirmed at the sight. What a bitter woman she’d become! She’d been so afraid Father’s demons would one day hound her steps that she never realized she’d given herself over to demons of her one.”

Michal wasn’t sure how to pray but she was not alone and Adonai led her through to repentance.

Michal was the youngest daughter of King Saul, the first king and once powerful ruler of Israel. But as Saul stopped honoring the Lord Most High, his success waned and he was known to have fits of madness. Only the music of David could soothe him. But there was word that David had been anointed as the next king by Samuel the priest and this hurt King Saul’s pride. He wanted his son to be king. But even Jonathan, the king’s son was willing to honor God’s will. As King Saul’s madness progressed he was willing to do anything to keep David away from the throne. However, Michal loved David and she did become his first wife. But as King Saul sought to kill David, he had to leave his bride behind as he fled. They were separated for 17 years before David could take his place on the throne and reclaim her, but much had changed for both of them.

I was so into this historical fiction book, I read all 382 pages in one day. I simply couldn’t put down the book. I highly recommend this novel on romance and war and everything in between to anyone that likes to read, especially if you enjoy Christian Fiction.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of Michal by Jill Eileen Smith on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Michal (The Wives of King David, #1)Michal by Jill Eileen Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Michal is a book about romance and war and life lived as the daughter of a king driven mad with jealousy while being the wife of the future king. Michal has a life of loss that has turned to bitterness but in the end she learns to turn to God for forgiveness and freedom from all the pain.

Michal by Jill Eileen Smith is an action packed book that keep the pages turning for me. This is not the first book by Smith that I have read and I look forward to reading more. I highly recommend her books to anyone that likes to read.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Book Review: The Last Black Unicorn by TIffany Haddish

I am sitting here and thinking about how I can really honor The Last Black Unicorn by TIffany Haddish. This autobiography is for adults. Your kids might want to read it but you might want to read it first because Haddish has had a challenging life and she doesn’t hide any of it, not the complexities of being black, homeless, female, abused or any other detail about her life as she shares her memoir of how she built her life from being an unwanted foster kid to being celebrity. Comedy is Haddish’s saving grace and what keeps her healthy. It is how she has made it through most of the hardest parts of her life. In high school she had the opportunity to meet Richard Pryor and he told her to always have fun and that advise has really paid off. This nonfiction biography is filled with pain, growth, but also humor and beauty as Haddish learns to value and trust herself.

I got this book from my personal collection. You can get your own copy of The Last Black Unicorn by TIffany Haddish on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Last Black UnicornThe Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I have always enjoyed Tiffany Haddish in movies and in interviews. She is so authentic. This book is honest. She has had a hard life but she always chooses to have a good time. She has overcome a lot and worked hard to be where she is and this book tells how she did it. It was an easy read because you didn’t want to put it down. Haddish is an amazing and resilient woman.

View all my reviews

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.