This article is based on my opinion as well as information I gained through web series I took part in in July of 2020 called LGBTQ+ Cultural Competency Workshop. This workshop was sponsored by Lambert House, Healing Bridge, PFLAG, PFLAG SW WA, Connect BG and Wonderfully Made. You may want skip this article if you don’t like people who might be different from you.
God please help me write this the way my heart is feeling it because for some reason it seems so hard.
Years ago I met a person who was trying to tell me something about themself, but I could not hear them. I still thought the world was very black and white. I am not sure where I learned this but it was a reality for me. Black and white thinking is not very inclusive.
The definition of inclusiveness is an aura or environment of letting people in and making them feel welcome.An example of inclusiveness is when you make your home a comfortable place for all of your friends, family, guests and people you meet.
When we are thinking about whether or not you are practicing being inclusive we need to ask ourselves some questions:
These are universal questions. When you have the answer for yourself, the next step is to consider whether you are giving what you need to others in an open-handed way that allows them the freedom to express themselves. One thing, I think is universally true is that people like to be heard. They don’t like to be invited into someone’s space, and have no room to be themselves, be allowed to speak and be empathized with.
I know it the past I was not able to hear people who were trying to express that they had a burden and they wanted to share it with me. They were not asking me to hold it for them or take it from them, they just wanted to show it to me and know that they were safe with me to just sit in their honesty.
Do you know how I know this? As I have gotten older, I came to the realization that I had to know my identity; the one I was born with that maybe I didn’t know how to look at or foster in myself. This same identity that maybe no one else knew how to look at it or foster, or they just didn’t want to.
Read: A Letter to a Younger Me – AKA 16 Things I Know
What I have come to understand is that my identity is mine and it includes many aspects: dreams, beliefs & philosophies, sex, gender identity, gender expression, orientation are only a few and each one has their own importance. These aspects can only be identified by me and no one else, just as I can only listen and hear what others are saying to me and choose what I will do with it.
Many years ago, I had a conversation with someone about their gender identity. I can’t seem to shake it. I think about it often so I decided to sit with what I know. What I came up with is this: I didn’t let them tell me their truth without interrupting them and defining them in my black and white knowledge.
I know there are people, who will say: Summer, you are a Christian. How can you not tell people the truth?
My answer is this: Jesus is the truth and the life. It is His job to define my identity and salvation. It is His job to change people. It is not my job to tell people their truth. It is my job to love people with Christ’s love. If He thinks they are wrong, He will show them in His amazing way. But who am I to define someone else?
Now, before someone says: Summer, what about people who are breaking the law? I am not talking about that, I am talking about someone’s identity. If someone else’s identity is hurting me, than I might really have a problem within myself, not them. I know I used to have issues with other people’s identity and, for me, it was because I didn’t know my own identity because I had never thought to consider it and what makes me who I am.
For the last 20 years or so, I have looked at myself as honestly as I can. I have questioned myself. I have questioned God about myself. I am sure I will keep doing this for the rest of my life, since the bible says that if I believe Jesus is the Son of God, than He abides in me (1 John 4:15), and I want to know Jesus, and that is a relationship that was created before the foundation of the world (Romans 8:29) and it will definitely not end any time soon.
What have a learned? I have learned that I am always changing. I am always thinking and learning. To be the same would mean that I was stagnant and I never want to be that. The only thing that never changes is Christ’s love in me…but what that means to me and how I react to it that just keeps getting deeper and deeper…
Be as well as you can be, my friends…
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Amen
The Lord is with you always.
Note: If you leave comments that are not open-minded questions or statements we can discuss in order to better understand each other, calmly and in a loving manner and you do not include your name and email address, to facilitate conversation, you will not see them posted on this blog. I welcome conversations and questions, but I will not be abused and I will not allow abusive language on my personal blog. If you read something you don’t like on my blog, please pray for me.
If you are living with a chronic physical or mental illness you understand the word: Trigger. It is important because once you know your triggers you can better protect yourself from episodes or flares. My main triggers are: angry people, fighting voices and being lied to, weather changes, smoke and mildew, nightshade fruits and vegetables, additives, food coloring and certain cooking oils. There are more but those are the biggest…oh the joys of chronic illness!
As I peruse certain social media sites and news broadcasts I think most of society has a few trigger words: Trump, Biden, Inslee and Racism are just a few.
Trump is president until he is not….
I want to share something with you. I had an emotional break when Trump became president. I disassociated for I don’t know how long. The very sound of his voice or his name would cause me to have an anxiety attack. It wasn’t until the last year that I have been able to call him President Trump. You can judge me or listen to me…that is your choice…your opinion of me is none of my business….
Over the last few years, I have prayed for President Trump. I have watched him grow a little bit. I don’t hate him and I have found a few things to respect about him.
I am writing this for people who don’t know they can refuse to watch tv tonight. I am writing this for people who are so stressed out and on edge about what will happen. I am telling you, it doesn’t matter what is going to happen tonight. I am ready for a full-on fight to the Supreme Court and hoping for a peaceful ending.
No matter, who you are voting for, President Trump is president until he is not. Radical acceptance is a life-saver to me and I want to share it with you. We will not die and our lives will not change that much in the next few months, regardless of who wins.
So if he is not your choice, or even if he is, I want to tell you, you have a right to not turn the tv on. You can read a book, play with your kids, stream from your favorite service or watch DVDs..I am thinking Hulu is where I will be tonight and probably the next few nights because I am a hypersensitive person and I have to protect myself from the chaos of the American people who are acting out.
This post is not about who our president is. It is about choosing how much chaos I want to ingest. Stress kills people too. I think people have forgotten that not everything is about any one person, even if that person is the president or not. I am not advocating for any candidate. I am advocating for good mental health.
God bless you.
I am so surprised by some of the responses from people who did not understand that I was talking about my personal experience and mental health. All they wanted to do was use my wall to share their opinions on the candidates. This made me sad.
My good friend, Jamie, told me, not too long ago, that emotions are a choice. Now, I had come to understand that Joy and Peace are choices because the bible says so, often, to choose them but I hadn’t considered that all emotions are choices and we don’t have to be run by them. I have been trying to learn this well.
In the homea I was raised in, certain things were not my choice…So many things that I didn’t even realize many other choices were available to me as well. So I am trying to catch up. I have been told I am very immature for my age, by some people and very mature by others. I will be 45 on my next birthday and even though I don’t really mind what others think about me, unless they are working to have a healthy relationship with me, I do want to catch up to what I think a 45-year-old woman should be able to comprehend and process in a healthy manner.
I come from people who enjoy being angry. I am not sure they would agree with that statement but I know how long it has taken me to understand that I can choose to be angry or I can choose to be something else, and I want to celebrate that. Even my therapist was happy with me when I told her how I had chosen to not engage with someone for a fight, but remained calm and waited for them to make that choice too. When people are angry all the time, it is easy to fight. I can’t afford to fight.
When I allow myself to become angry, I am not in control of myself. I am not hearing or listening. I am just angry and sometimes it takes days for me to come back down. The result is to lose time where I could be at peace and productive; it is also a flare. When my emotional health is out of wack, it triggers fibromyalgia, who will engage psoriatic arthritis and lymphedema (who is always kind of a bitch anyway) and then the list of possible painful and potentially embarrassing symptoms fight over who will enter the door first…and they always stay too long. I look at this as a blessing because it forces me to choose peace, which is what my soul really wants.
Can you relate to any of this?
I am still telling myself: Trump is president until he is not…
That statement is not against him or for him, it is just a truth that I can find peace in because it is true. Even though the media is trying to engage us with rumors that Biden may have won the war over who presides in the White House, I am choosing to say: Trump is president until he is not….
I can’t do anything about our government, other than vote…and I did that. Worrying or being angry about the results will not make our government stronger and it sure wont make me stronger.
Our souls crave peace and some of us are so starved of it, we don’t know what it is anymore. Peace is that quiet, calmness that we can slip away to, inside ourselves. I have always enjoyed being alone, however I did not always have peace. In fact without my medication and mindfulness practices there is a screaming that overcomes me in my mind that distracts me and makes it hard for me to focus and make good choices. That screaming is deafening and aggravating and anxiety ridden. I have named her Anna and she is friends with Veda and those two do not make my life even slightly bearable. I named them because it is easier to love them if they have a name. I bet that sounds weird to you.
Love is the only thing that can overcome hate and anger. Acceptance of personal responsibility and rights is part of love that can be shared and given to ourselves.
How do you love yourself?
There is a camaraderie found in choosing a political party, not unlike choosing friends. But when our friends encourage us to hurt other people, would we continue to stay in that relationship? I don’t see a lot of wisdom in choosing one side. I value attributes of both sides, but I also abhor some of the behaviors I see on both sides. When I separate my emotions from what I see, it is easy for me to say that I am neither red or blue…I am not purple either…but more like a red, white and blue tie-dyed t-shirt with bursts of colors that dance together.
I am not setting any one person’s political choices on fire. I believe in the strength of the soldiers who have died to allow me the right to make my own choices without persecution. What I would like to do is shine a light on what is true. We have had 58 successful elections in our short life as the United States and only 45 presidents. I have never experienced the level of anger and hatred that I see now. Yes it was there, and it seems to have gotten more noticeable with every election since I can remember but not like now. Why is that?
My wife said something last night that caught my attention. I may be paraphrasing her badly but it was along the lines of this: We shouldn’t just be red or blue but we should be Red, White and Blue, the colors of our flag, because we are Americans before we are a political party. Karen and I don’t agree on everything politics but we do agree on this: We are Americans and we are lucky to be Americans and we should not be fighting each other.
So if you are reading this and you never knew it before: You have a choice. You have lots of choices. Don’t let the media or the masses stop you from hearing the quiet place inside you. If you don’t have a quiet place, please find someone to talk to. We were not made to fight. We were made to be in relationship with each other. We were made for peace.
It’s ok to take your finger off of the trigger.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Amen
The Lord is with you always.
I am so angry and sad right now. I am thankful too. Chronic Illness is a bitch. She is ruthless and steals good things from people. I am angry because too many people don’t have enough options. I am sad because people I love are losing things that are important to them. I am thankful because my wife made sure that I didn’t miss my anxiety meds yesterday.
For people who are healthy or maybe are able to ignore their ailments it may be hard to have compassion on people who can’t. Loss is part of life but when you are chronic it can be a daily thing. It is exhausting to have to try so hard every day to be productive when you spend your time maneuvering around your circumstances. Strangers can be heartless. Strangers can also be amazing. You never know which one you will meet. I suppose that is true for everyone but when you are chronic you are always worried and you don’t need to worry about if people are kind or not. You are busy worrying about how you measure up, will your body or mind embarrass you, will you be a burden, will your needs cause discomfort to someone. It is easier to stay home. What if you don’t have a home? What if you have an addiction that you haven’t learned how to control yet?
I am being so generic right now. It tears my heart out when I hear someone say anything about people who are hurting, whether they are chronic, homeless, an addict, or variant from what society deems is the norm. You don’t know the energy it may have taken for any person around you to be there. I am sure there are more generous people out there than the ones I see posting selfish, hateful things on social media…but the squeaky wheel sure can throw me into an episode…
This morning I have had news of losses for 2 of my beloved friends. You spend a lot of time mourning when you are chronic and not just for yourself but the people you love who are also chronic. It becomes like an old sweater you keep because you are used to it. Even if it is worn out and doesn’t look like it did when you first got it. It is familiar.
I bought this old sweater, in the picture, when I was 20. I have had it almost 25 years. I have gone through a lot with this sweater. At some point it became a comfort to me and I began sleeping with it wrapped around my neck. It reminded me of the purple panda bear someone had made for my younger sister when she was born. She didn’t like him but I fell in love with Concord Grape, that is what we named him because he was made of two shades of purple wool. I took him everywhere. As he fell apart, I would keep a piece of him in my pocket and run my fingers over the scratchy fibers. When I was about 10 years old, my mom threw him away. I was heart-broken. Nana bought me a new bear that Christmas. Theodore E Bear is great, but he was nothing like Concord Grape. As a young adult, I went through a lot of Motrin and aspirin and I was starting to have panic attacks in my sleep. Even then, Fibromyalgia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD were starting to become something I couldn’t ignore. That sweater helped me a lot.
My sweater has traveled everywhere I have gone because when I forgot it, I couldn’t sleep. I remember the first time one of my nephews called it my blankie. I wanted to be a grown-up and grown-ups don’t have blankies…but he was right and even though I call it my sweater, it is, in fact my blankie. As it began falling apart, I would keep parts of my sweater in different bags so I could run my fingers over the scratchy wool and be comforted.
In 2014, I got the flu. It was worse than I had ever experienced and the cellulitis that I had been nursing without medical help for years went from a patch around most of my left ankle to my leg looking like I had dipped it in boiling bbq sauce up to my thigh. Karen, who was my good friend and business partner took me to the hospital where I stayed for 5 days getting very strong antibiotics. She never left my side. That was when I really began falling apart. I had to address my symptoms that had become impossible to ignore.
I don’t think I took my sweater with me to the hospital but I did take my best friend, who refused to leave my side. Karen even stayed with me when I came home because I could not care for my wounds. Somewhere in there we realized we were more than friends and were married. She is my favorite teddy bear now, but I still sleep with this sweater.
About a year ago I collected all the pieces of my sweater I could find and binge watched Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium and Little House on the Prairie while I sewed all the pieces together. I kept the collar and tags to remind me of when it was actually a sweater, but it looks more like a blankie than ever. It was healing to me to sew all the pieces together. I find crocheting and sewing by hand very calming to me and I have lovingly sewn many blankies and teddy bears back together for children I love, it was kind of like me doing something loving for myself. I had to be creative with some of the pieces. My sweater is no longer 100% wool. I used whatever thread I had on hand so now it is also acrylic, polyester and cotton and like my monthly therapy sessions, I have to spend time mending my sweater too.
A couple weeks ago, I was watching Red Table Talk while I repaired a few tears in my sweater and it occurred to me that I am like this sweater. Many of the original fibers are there but, much like the threads holding my sweater together, my lifestyle changes have not only changed the shape of my life but they hold me together.
My self-care includes daily anaerobic exercises, donning of heavy duty compression hose because of lymphedema in my left leg (some traumas don’t go away), flushing of my sinuses, specific amounts of water every day, and exclusion of foods I can’t eat anymore. I take medications and (lots of) supplements at 11 am, 2:30 pm, 5 pm and 11 pm. I use essential oils to help manage some symptoms. I use a 5:1 ratio tincture and topical ibuprofen and lots of distraction and mindfulness to manage pain. I also make time to mend my sweater while I watch Red Table Talk or listen to my favorite podcasts: Joyce Meyer Enjoying Everyday Life and Elevation with Steven Furtick. And I nap and pray as necessary.
I pray for myself but mostly for the people I know are suffering with their own chronic issues because it is very hard to never know what you will wake up to that day. You learn to be ridged with other people and fluid with yourself because it is the only way to survive. My body and mind create enough drama for me. I have nothing for people who let chaos reign in their life.
I was so angry when I started out. I asked Jesus to take the anger and help me mourn. I still feel so tired. I am always tired. But I am not angry anymore. I am still a little sad but my friends are powerful women and God has them. They have overcome more than this. When we are done on this earth we will be with Jesus and that is a comfort.
I implore you to turn the news off today. You wont miss anything important. Find a quiet moment and be thankful for your loved ones, your home, your job…whatever comes to mind. If you think of someone who you know is struggling, say a prayer or send good thoughts, whatever your belief allows. Find some peace. It is not outside yourself, I promise you.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Amen
The Lord is with you always.
Dear Younger Me (and anyone who wants to read this),
I am writing this letter to you as a celebration. As I round the bend toward be alive 45 years, I realize how far I have come. I never thought I would live beyond 32 years old; I am not sure where I got that idea but it was something a 14-year-old version of myself believed. The last 13 years have been a bonus and that is how I look at every year now.
Although I know that I am not like everyone else, I do know that I am not totally original. I hope that if you’re reading this that you find hope for yourself here. I have been called many names, as you may know, our favorite is wife and Auntie Summer…some of the other names aren’t worth mentioning and a few of them haven’t happened yet.
You are loved by me. We are learning, to be still and know that God’s love is infinite and sustained by Him. We are learning, even as I write this, that you do not know all the answers but you will never find them by defining anyone but you. In reality, the answers you really want, will only be shown to you by God when you are able to hear Him.
Not making a choice is still making a choice. When you let things happen without action, you have actually made the decision to not act. When you were a kid, this may have been someone else’s fault; as an adult your decisions are your responsibility. All choices have reaction some are no big deal, some will leave scars for the rest of your life…or someone else’s. Do not be complacent. God hates that.
Make choices that affect your future in a good way. Take the promotion in a new city. If you are meant to be in Longview again…it will happen…Don’t skip on a new adventure because you are afraid to go alone. Even the people closest to you, may not be there forever, no matter how much you want them to be, so don’t short-change yourself.
You will never measure up, be enough, or be able save ANYONE. You are not like others because you were created to see the world and people differently. You were created to feel with others and hear what your spirit leads you to. You have been scared of this because it is confusing but I promise, if you lean into God, He is the best Father and teacher you could ever hope for. These truths are meant to lead to you prayer and love for God and those He has sent to you, however you will be blessed too.
Our standards do not take away anything, from anyone else. If other people think that our truth takes something away from them, they should work on that without us to interrupt them. On the flip-side, other people’s standards are great for them. If other people can trust that we accept that each of us must live our own truth, then we can be friends as long as they are peace-seeking people…
Your inability to reach other people’s standards or even your own, is not failure. At your age, (I am considering my 17-year-old self) you may think this is criticism because that is what you know. What it actually is, if you can hear me, is the ticket to your freedom. When you embrace that you will never be what your family or friends want you to be, or that you will never be what the media or what you imagined was perfect, you can drop the veils you surround yourself with. You can stop working so hard to make others happy. You can let the words that you choose to accept from yourself and from others, that burn your soul, become like water on a duck’s back. You can become who God made you to be. Just yourself.
You can forgive. I know you think it is useless because when you forgive the people that hurt you, they just do it again but that is because you don’t understand that forgiveness does not change other people; it only changes you. You can start letting go of the old sadness and anger…it will take you a long time, so why not start now…I am still working on it. You will have more painful times but it is ok to give yourself time to feel your feelings and learn from them. When you hold the pain forever it becomes toxic and makes you bitter and sick. Just remember God never gave anyone the right to hurt you…but He loves the people that hurt you too…
You can choose who you spend your time with. Let the people who do not edify or lift you up, go…even those that you rely the most on. If they really love you, they will fight to come back. They will learn how you need to be loved and prove themselves worthy. It may take years for them to understand, heal, forgive, stop being afraid, and understand what you need, but they will succeed at being better so you can feel safe around them when they are ready to build a relationship with the actual you. Yes, you are hyper-sensitive, it might be easier to love other people who are not easily triggered by bright lights, sounds, smells and emotions but you are worthy of people that don’t take advantage of that. You can’t make people love you, regardless of how hard you try and conforming does not feed your spirit.
Trauma is relative to each person. Trauma is not always planned out acts. When you are hyper-sensitive what hurts you might not hurt other people. Also other people may not realize they have their own trauma that needs healing. “We are all equally scary people,” as Karen says. If you can’t stop bleeding all over someone, take care of your wounds before you infect someone else. When you feel like you can try with someone again, be prepared to be rejected, but hope for the best. God is healing them too and their process may be different then yours.
Although it has been drilled into your head that you are too fat or too something…to have the life you want, you must try to break those bad tapes. They are lies. Everything you really want will come true. The good and the bad things you want will happen because you are a spiritually powerful woman and God honors our words. Foster the good dreams and protect yourself from situations that make you want the bad. Your dreams will not look like what you thought they would…but God will give you every desire of your heart in His time and own way. When you feel hopeless, think about this until you can push forward again.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. You will have to do this often. Standing up for yourself doesn’t have to mean fighting with people who like to fight. Sometimes standing up for yourself is walking away and letting people fight without you until they are ready to stop. It doesn’t make you wrong to decide to choose peace. It doesn’t mean they are bad or take anything away from them, except your presence and permission to be abused by their choices, or allowing them to be abused by your anger and resentment. They may not be trying to hurt you. They may not understand what you need. They may not be able to hear you when you ask for peace. They may not even know they are fighting and competing all the time. If they want to join you, they will change. It is ok to let people go if they are never ready to choose peace. You are not alone. God is with you always and He will never leave…accept for that week after you told Him to, “Fuck off.” If you haven’t got there yet, don’t worry, before the words can come out of your mouth, He will be back…that was the loneliest week of our life….but He is always present.
Advocate for yourself. Don’t be afraid to go to doctors, specialists and therapists. If they don’t hear you or if they are wrong, make sure you are heard. Remember you are different. Teach them that even though you don’t know how to fight for you, you are willing to learn. If they can’t answer your questions, find someone who can. Don’t be afraid of the pills that you need to be healthy. Learn about them. Learn what you can do to not need some of them. Be patient with yourself, like no one has been with you. It will take time but you will find the exercise, medications, foods and self-care it takes to quiet the storm that is inside you…some of your issues are related to your mental and physical health. It is not your fault. It just is part of your path.
Your gender, sexuality and identity are just fine. It is not bad to talk about them or seek out your truth. Even though you have been taught (or not taught) otherwise, you are beautiful just the way you are, God knows you. He loves you. God made the real you. So here are our truths: Our gender is Cis Female. Our sexuality is Demisexual. Our mind is Androgynous but we enjoy representing ourself as Feminine.
Wait for a partner that wants us and loves us as much as we love them. If we love them or want them more than they love or want us, we will not be able to make up for their lack. Love and want are not related to need. Need is a misrepresentation of love which is what we really want. Remember…we will never measure up to anyone else’s standards…so wait for the one who loves us as close to the example that Jesus has shared with us. You wont even start to understand this until you are at least 25…that is ok. Nana was right when she taught us to not waste our affections…Be patient and work hard on yourself and don’t worry about being alone forever. You wont realize that that crazy friend that you have trusted and loved for 10 years is the one God made for you until we are 38…and even then you wont totally get it…
Here is a mind-blower! Your time is not God’s time. God’s time is not limited to our understanding. If you are tired. Stop and rest. If you wear yourself out, who will be you? Let me tell you…I didn’t focus on you when I was young and had more energy and less pain. At this point, sometimes it takes all the energy I have to accomplish is our self-care. I am not talking about make up and hair…although we do enjoy trying new styles…What you look like on the outside is nothing if you don’t have peace and love for yourself. Get that couch off your back. Find time to think and feel. Do what makes you happy. Dig in the dirt. Read. Learn…this is your favorite thing to do!
Accept your feelings so you can heal, grow and love yourself. You don’t hate people; you hate yourself. You want to die, but you haven’t learned how to live. Spend more time learning how to love yourself so you don’t fall back on manipulating people.
No one owes you a thing but if they don’t treat you the way you want to be treated, it might be because they are seeing how you treat yourself or their way is the best they know. If their way is not helping you, then decide how much energy you want to give them. Give yourself the love you need…lean into God. He knows what He has planned for you.
Accept that you are just as guilty as you judge others to be. Every time you hurt, be honest about the situation. Did you manipulate them? Did you lie to them? Did you ignore them? Maybe your actions require repentance…which means confession, forgiveness and change on your part. You can’t change anyone but yourself…If you changed and they didn’t then decide how much of your time you will keep giving them.
I have noticed that when I share my viewpoints, sometimes, people respond as though I am challenging them to a fight. I have been asking God how I can better communicate with people. I want people to understand that most of what I say is my opinion. I stand by my opinions but I am also fluid with them once I have heard enough evidence to change them. When I voice my opinions or share my stories and experiences, I am not looking for a fight, but a discussion. Discussion allow for communication, understanding and growth. Fighting allows for noise and pain. I am trying to learn out how to speak to people so they know, I am still in the process of learning not to judge them or fight with them. When I share my thoughts and experiences it is for the purpose of growth on my part, and their part, if they are interested. Hearing people tell me no, or that I am wrong in a way that is kind and direct is welcome. I am waiting on God for His answer…it will take as much time as it takes for me to be able to hear the answer…but I have chewed on questions for years without an answer before. If I die before I hear Him…it wont be an issue anymore. 🙂
With all the interesting viewpoints, facts and feelings there are to experience enjoy your favorite thing. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep loving and make sure you love yourself first. It isn’t selfish, like we were taught. The extra love will overflow on the right people.
I am so thankful to God for coming to us when we were a little girl. I remember that day so clearly. We were 5-years-old, I was playing in my backyard, under the apple trees and suddenly we weren’t alone anymore. It was just that simple. We were baptized 2 years later because the church we went to needed to feel certain that we knew what we were talking about. Church has been a part of our life for as long as I can remember, but part of the problem is that I don’t remember everything. Trauma can do that to a person. At this point we don’t go to church because I am selfish with my Sundays. I also know distinctly that a church that is labeled affirming, is made of people who don’t know what to do with me and my wife. Change is a process. I know that we will be ready to try other churches eventually. We all have our process, don’t we?
Wherever you are in your process, do what you can to grow and enjoy life. Love yourself and God will love others through you. I wish you well.
Sincerely,
Summer
The following article is an editorial. This article is not meant to be fact but my own personal thoughts. Today we are all in pain. God bless your American Heart, we are in mourning, in my opinion, and the anger and fear of what might happen next is very understandable. In the last 5 months, we Americans, and the rest of the world have been through something most of us have only read about in books. On top of all this, politically, our country has been beat about the head and heart for so long…no matter what you believe politically, it is a general consensus, from my viewpoint, that we have become set on opposing lines and the ones who scream the loudest are painting a very stressful picture. (more…)
As Whoopi was passionately letting her beliefs known on The View regarding 4 black teenagers who had live-streamed the kidnapping and abuse of a challenged white student and ABC News interrupted with a Special Report that there had been a shooting at an airport in Florida…and one of my neighbors had chosen to move their fight outside of their home and fill my ears with obscenities…I thought I might want to take a look at the word DISCRIMINATION and share with you what I learned.
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Now it happened in Iconium that they went together to the synagogue of the Jews, and so spoke that a great multitude both of the Jews and of the [a] Greeks believed. But the unbelieving Jews stirred up the Gentiles and [1] poisoned their [2] minds against the brethren.
Acts 14:1-2
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When I started writing this I was stuck in a depraved mindset. The original first few sentences were the basis of this whole article…and they are the only ones that didn’t change…
Trust is a two way street. I want to trust that you are not going to hurt me. I want to trust that I am not going to hurt you. I think you want to trust that I am not going to hurt you and I am pretty sure most of you don’t intend to hurt me.
Trust: belief that someone is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
I was in the bathroom and as I floated in the bubbles in my head…I guess that is how I can describe them; it is like each eyeball has at least 2 vantage points, some here and some somewhere else and it is hard to decide to be where you are, there was a small voice [God] that told me that even though I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, by telling my truths I have.
>>>Prelude to Everything I Have Said Thus FarGuilt that doesn’t lead to repentance is wasted. Guilt that is used as a weapon of war is just another mutation that humanity created from a tool God gave us to help build us into His version of us.
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One time I bought a fish. He was a beta and the pet store had put him in a tank full of white fish who had bit off all his fins to keep him submissive. When I bought him, he was almost clear in color. One year after living in his own tank he had the longest, most vibrant colored fins I have ever seen on a fish. I feel like that fish.
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Being chronically ill is like trying to live on a teeter totter by yourself. Dealing with sickness, pain, depression and anger is common. Sometimes it is really hard to stay positive, especially when occasionally it seems like you just got catapulted off the darn thing and you don’t know when and where you will land, or if you will land softly. Sometimes just the fear of what could happen during a flair up catches you off guard.
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We heard a great message at church this week; one that caused me to consider what I would change if I could go back in time. I have considered this many times. My list has changed through the years, as I grew up in Jesus. It is amazing how different what we think we need during times of great stress is from when we are spending time getting to know Jesus and our identity in Him…
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Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8
Immediacy is not a virtue.
When I am stressed I feel like announcing my feelings and thoughts about everything, right now to everyone, except God; I don’t want to process anything before I react, yet I am so thankful to Jesus who is leading me to spend time praying and in the word to hear what God thinks and how He is teaching me to behave because lately, life has felt like one run on sentence…
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This week I finally moved my recipes from my old beat up recipe box to my new one; one that belonged to my Great-Grandma Drummond. I learned a few things while I organized my recipes into it: She liked recipes with oranges in them and this recipe box was new to her. It came with a few new recipes that she had not organized into their appropriate dividers. There were a few recipes she has tucked inside, but obviously she had not had the chance to completely move into it, herself. I keep thinking about how she had probably had it on a list of things to do while she healed from her surgery; she probably wasn’t thinking she would not get a chance to do that. She still had plans.
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I want to like myself. I want to love myself. I want to trust my feelings and thoughts. I know I am lovable because Jesus and Karen say I am lovable. My nieces and nephews love me; they like to talk to me, they look excited to see me, they jump to hug and kiss me. They are happy to let me touch them, stroke their hair and look in their eyes. There is freedom with them I don’t feel with most of the people in my life — they like to be loved. They let me encourage them. They trust me. I see in them, things I learned to dislike in myself and it helps me see that I have judged myself too harshly. I love watching them grow. I know God feels this for me. When it is just Him and me, life is easy. But I let “what if’s” collect. Sometimes it is next to impossible to detach from these…but I haven’t purposely been using the tool of detachment for very long; I am sure it will get easier.
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1 Corinthians 3:9-16
For we are God’s fellow workers; You are God’s field, you are God’s building. According to the grace of God which is given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each take heed how he builds on it. For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stray, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire: And the fire will test each ones work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work, which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do you not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
Psalm 95:1-2OH come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.
Psalm 21:6For You have made him most blessed forever; You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence.
Isaiah 12:2-3Behold, God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid; For YAH, the Lord is my strength and song; He also has become my salvation.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Amen
The Lord is with you always.
Galatians 1:10
For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
Mark 11:17
Then He taught, saying to them, “Is it not written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations?’ But you have made it a den of thieves.”
Mark 4:3-9
“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow, and it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth, but when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away. And seed fell among the thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced; some thirty-fold, some sixty, and some a hundred. And He said to them, ‘He who has ears to hear, let him hear!’”
Please wait...
I feel like my whole life I have been fighting. Fighting to be heard. Fighting to be seen. Fighting with