Things have changed me over the last 12 years. I got married to someone the loves me for exactly who I am. I don’t have to act or be anything other than who I am. When I am at my worst Karen G Clemenson tells me I am beautiful, sexy, smart and she loves me. When I have nothing for her, I can tell her that and she will give me space because that is what I need. She knows I love her and when I have dealt with me or taken a nap, I will be there for her and until then, there is food in the fridge, clean clothes to wear and interesting books to read and her favorite app on her phone.
I have worked hard to learn to live with and accommodate chronic physical and mental illness. These things don’t go away but they can be managed and I do it well.
I have removed people and things from my life that do not serve me well. I have learned to say no and to create boundaries.
I have come to peace with my sexuality. God made me this way and He has never stopped loving me. I am also comfortable with my sex. These were two things that for several reasons were hard for me growing up. But God has never left my side.
I have overcome suicidal ideation. At most it is a fleeting thought and when it comes, I know to stop and take better care of myself.
I have also overcome endometrial cancer. Now at one point on a specific day I had at least 4 medical professional’s hands in my lady parts at one time. That was just one moment of the day. Throughout the three years I fought this cancer, I have had more people in my lady parts than I ever gave the two people I loved enough to choose to be with in my 50 years of life. This has made me much braver than most of the other hard things I have had to do in my life.
I reached 50 years old. Now I don’t really care about age. I don’t give it a lot of thought. Some topics, I still converge upon as a child. My age doesn’t really reflect to me in reality until I want to move and then reality becomes apparent because I really do have two kinds of arthritis and fibromyalgia, but in my head age is fluid. But I do think I have earned enough life experience that even if, I didn’t already believe that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business, what I think matters.
Yet, what I love about myself is that what I believe about most things can be fluid because I am a human and I don’t know everything and sometimes I hear, read or see incorrectly and I know it.
I appreciate your beliefs and I appreciate the time and effort you put into explaining why you believe what you do.
I believe there is room for all beliefs.
I am a Jesus Follower because when I was 5 years old, I was playing by myself under the apple trees in my backyard and suddenly, I knew I was with Jesus and I never been alone since. I have been able to rely on my relationship with Jesus when I didn’t know how to do things, when I didn’t have answers, when I was hurting and when I could not trust anyone. I can’t prove this to you and I am not trying to. In my 20’s I got angry and told God to F-CK off. That was the loneliness, and most scary week of my life and it ended with me on my face asking Him to forgive me because I don’t know how to function without His relationship.
I don’t believe God wastes His time testing me. He doesn’t have to when He knows where I am. He knows I am willing to listen to Him. He is my Dad and my Friend. We have the same goal. Yes, He prunes and He teaches and He corrects, as His word says, but I think testing is the world’s job.
I am not a traditional person or a person that cares about rituals. Religion is not something that interests me but I love people because I believe we are all created in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs.
Suffering is part of life. God did not promise a life free of suffering. Jesus’ 40 day fast was not easy. He spent most of his ministry, homeless. He was beaten with fists and whips before he was crucified; his death was brutal. What God did promise was that He would bring us through trials. He would empower us to love each other and help each other.
There can’t be evidence of God if we are to rely on faith. As we walk with God we learn to rely on faith and empathy. We learn this by learning from what Jesus taught us and the relationship we can grow in our meditation with the Holy Spirit, which was left with us when Jesus left the earth to go to God.
Hell is an interesting topic. Honestly, I believe hell is right here when we choose to make choices that hurt ourselves and others; the natural consequences of not loving. This was not taught to me at all church, but in my own studies of the bible. I might be wrong, but God is very practical. The laws in the bible were meant to help humans to have healthy lives, and show people that lived in dry, sandy and hot places, where they wore togas and sandals and had poor sanitation and bad manners, how to be clean and mindful of each other so that everyone was well. Those same rules were meant to prove that rules cause sin because humans are rebellious by nature and need a Savior. God was setting the stage for Jesus.
This same God, wants to be chosen so He gave us the right to choose. You don’t have to choose Him. I am not asking you to choose Him. But I do love Him and I am grateful that He chose me and I got to choose Him back.
I believe God made science. He is very creative. God’s version of time is very different than ours because He never gets tired since He is Spirit and doesn’t have a body. A day to God is thousands of years, which is why, even though the bible says the earth was created in 6 days, scientists have proven it took thousands of years of evolution for the earth to even be safe for humans to be here. I could think on that for a long time. It’s pretty amazing.
I am very thankful for the people that inspired these thoughts!
I want to close with this thought. I want you to have an amazing day. I want the sun to shine on you. I want you to feel love today and I want you to know safety. Regardless of what happens outside our community, I want Kelso-Longview to be a place where joy is because I live here. I can get get a little hot under the collar but at the end of the day, I do believe we are all made in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs. And I want that to be the impression I leave. I get passionate because I love people and I want all people to loved and cared for and sometimes we fail, but I really hope you have a great day!
~
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
This week I got a note from a random messenger that saw one of my posts. I didn’t edit their message. This is what they said:
Hi you stated that you are a Christian but you are not christ like as you are gay and you are sinning. You are also have a problem with our president who is way better than the other which is a devil.
At first I was a little miffed. Who likes to be judged, especially by a stranger? I have never met this person. But as I began responding, I was also thinking…
How do you know? Have you done your own research with more than one book or are you relying on what other people have told you? How long have you walked with God? Does He talk to you? Has He verbally told you what you are saying is true? Our president is just a man, just like all the rest before him. He is not perfect. Have you read in the bible what a good leader is supposed to look like, because Trump is not that. (Exodus 18:21, John 13:13-17, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:7-14)
Also, when did I state that I am a Christian? I don’t use that word. I think that word has been morphed into something very sad. I am a Jesus Follower. It’s a very different thing. Jesus never said anything about sexuality but He said very specific things about adultery, selfishness, taking care of the poor, compassion… (Matthew 5:2-12, Matthew 5:27-28, Matthew 19:21, Matthew 23:25, John 15:13)
Another thing, who told you I am gay?
You might think I am angry with you but I’m not. I’m angry but not even at you. I’m angry at the system that taught us to judge each other and to think small. I used to think like you. I was raised in a conservative family and church. I was taught that homosexuality was an abomination. I didn’t know to ask questions. I never even met a queer person until I was 18 years old.
I had to meet several queer people to realize that each one was an individual with their own personality and dreams. I had to learn who I was to learn that it is not my job to tell other people how to live. Even the bible says, ‘judge not, lest ye be judged.’ (Matthew 7:1)
I know you are ignorant. The letters LGBTQIA+ all mean something special. I am old enough that I prefer the term queer, which is a blanket term for everyone. I’m not a Lesbian (women that only love women). I’m not Gay (men that only love men). I’m Bisexual (I have loved 2 men but I married my wife). I’m not Transgender. I’m Queer. I’m not Intersex (a person born with genetic markers or genitalia for both male and female sex). I am not technically A-sexual, however I am Demisexual which falls in that category. They added a + for any other groups people want to be in…
The far right republicans and conservative christians have spent years creating a platform to control people. Telling people that the media is fake and science is wrong and all kinds of propaganda. You probably can’t hear me, but I said it anyway. I don’t hate republicans. My wife is a republican. I don’t hate christians. Most of the people I know believe in some version of this faith. I myself, am a Jesus Follower.
But the word homosexual was not in the bible until February 11, 1946. You can research all of what I am saying. It is not hard to find. This translation was created to convince people to hate queer people who had quietly lived among us forever. There was no word for this kind of relationship in the bible because marriage was mainly a way to create children and provide inheritance; it was a business agreement. If you got lucky, you learned to love each other. People did not marry for love.
I did not realize I was queer until I was almost 40. But I have lived through a lot of trauma and have been in therapy for years. The reason I am bothering with you is that, I know people who knew they were queer all their life. They were abused terribly and have many scars. I don’t have scars about my sexuality. So I feel comfortable expressing things that someone of my queer community might not be able to communicate clearly.
I have read the bible through and through many times. I talk to God everyday. I have walked with Him for 45 years. I have read lots of books and watched documentaries. I don’t believe that loving my wife is a sin. I believe God created her for me. We have found so much healing with each other and so much peace and growth that no one else was ever able to create. God guides us and helps us together. Our marriage is just like any other marriage that relies on God to inspire.
I really don’t care if you don’t believe me, but I do want to impress on you that there are people who have hurts because people judged them merely on who they loved; not on their character or deeds or aspirations and it is not right. Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourself and He did not differentiate. I hope to inspire you to share the same kind of love the He gave to you. (Mark 12:30-31)
Even with the woman that was caught in adultery, He did not judge her. When all the men were ready to stone her, He advised that the man that was free of sin should cast the first stone. After they all left, He sent her on her way. (John 8:1-11)
We are not here to judge each other. We are here to learn how to love each other and to learn how to be loved.
This person never responded to me. I find this confusing because they cared enough to accuse me but they didn’t care enough to say anything to what I had to say. I don’t believe I was rude or even mean. I was sharing information I have collected over the years while I was learning who I was and meeting great people. But I think I can understand because the conservative right doesn’t teach us to question or study. They want us to stay ignorant so we are easily led. I am afraid this person expected me to either ignore them or respond with verbal violence, but that is not where growth is. That is not who I am.
In the end we can only grow through education. My hope is that this person learned something.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Recently I ran into a post online that asked whether people were more offended by homosexuality or pedophilia. I had my own ideas on this and I answered with what I knew at the time, but I felt like this topic deserved a little time to research. If you are interested, I hope you learn something from what I found.
I was raised being told homosexuality was an abomination to God, it was taught that way in my church. I don’t remember my parents saying much about it. But they tried to never talk about sex at all so that doesn’t seem off to me. My school teachers taught me about sex. They also taught me what to do if I was trapped by a kidnapper or abuser. Later, I learned about sex, health and rape from friends who had experienced situations I had not. I had begun working in childcare at 15 and was taking child development classes and reading books for these classes and also books that my friends were reading to help them heal.
When I was a young adult, I finally met a queer person. Then I met a few more. Although I was nervous of them, they didn’t seem to be very different than any other person I had ever known.
One night I was up late, ironing clothes, and there was a show on about a gay pastor. He was married and he and his husband had adopted 2 children. They were just like any other family I had ever known. They loved God, their community, and each other. It was beautiful and honest. I suddenly knew you could be gay and love God and God would love you back.
Years later, I realized I was queer. God did not leave me. He encouraged me. As I studied more, I learned that the word homosexual was not even in the bible until February 11,1946. Before that, sexual sin was rape between adults and children or in a situation where men were in a submissive position because the culture in the time the bible was written, would not allow for a man to be submissive.
Pedophilia (persistent sexual interest in children) is a paraphilia. Homosexuality is sexual interest in the same sex. Although in the people studied, in the article I read, there were similarities found between homosexuals and pedophiles, there were no similarities that were a causation. It is found that age and gender are a sexual interest (pedophilia) characteristic and affection an orientation definition. People who are willing to accept that they have an unacceptable sexual interest may be able to go through therapy to change their sexual interest from children to adults since genetics, sex drive, gender and orientation are not seen as part of their issue.
The terms have been confused or misused among professionals on many platforms. We know the definition of pedophilia and child molestation but hebephiliais sometimes used to describe adult sexual attractions to adolescents or children who have reached puberty. So where pedophilia and hebephilia describe a preference, child sexual abuse is used to describe actual. The legal age of consent in the state of Washington is 16, if you are interested.
Also many people want to refer to abusers as homosexual or heterosexual child molesters, this may not be the case. Many abusers are stuck in a state of fixation. Fixationmeans “a temporary or permanent arrestment of psychological maturation resulting from unresolved formative issues which persist and underlie the organization of subsequent phases of development.” In order for these abusers to be assigned an orientation, they would have to have an attraction to adult partners, but child abusers that are fixated on children, alone, are stuck in an early stage of development. These people require a more focused type of therapy.
I think people make a bigger deal out of homosexuality or queerness because it has been taught loudly. Gender norms have been shoved down our throats everywhere, especially the church. We have been taught that if a man wears a dress, he is a pervert, but men wore dresses and had long hair in the bible. In society we have been taught that being compassionate or sensitive is only for women, so our men are lonely. We have taught men that it a woman’s responsibility to make sure that men are not attracted to her. We don’t punish pedophiles and rapists like we do for crimes that are much less violent, violating and life altering.
In Washington State child molestation is a class A felony that is punishable by a maximum sentence of life in prison, and/or a fine of $50,000 when it can be proven that sexual contact has occurred between a victim under the age of 12 and an offender at least three years older than the victim. This sounds just and right, but I know a level 3 sex offender that did not serve a life sentence and they were a repeat offender in Washington State. So there are ways around these laws and people use them. RCW 9A.44.083.
In our society we have taken man’s natural need for emotional support and intimacy, that is not sexual, away from him and not made him accountable for his own actions. Most pedophiles are male. And most laws regarding child sex abuse and rape are made to protect the suspect, not the victim. Rape victims are often not believed. They often have to relive their abuse over and over and they have trouble proving what happened to them. It is part of the patriarchy we live in and continue to support.
Even many gay men choose to stay in the closet instead of being honest because society says it is better to be a pedophile than queer. I also know men that have been raped and chose to do nothing because of their fear of what other’s would do. This is why I think homosexuality bothers some people more than pedophilia.
For a long time homosexuality was seen as a mental health issue, but over time it has become proven to be part of our design as a human. Sexual orientation is defined as “attraction to members of the same sex, both sexes, or the other sex… behavior, attraction, identity and arousal…tend to go together, but not always. There is no evidence to suggest that individuals can consciously alter their genital arousal to fit a certain identity label.”
Pedophiles and sex abusers “intentionally and methodically seek out vulnerable children.” Sexual abuse is an act of power and control, not a reflection of sexual orientation. All victims, but especially LGBTQ victims, may internalize societal stigma or feel their sexual orientation is “caused” by abuse but studies show no direct causality between abuse and sexual orientation.
Jesus loves children and the bible has many verses that supports this (Deuteronomy 6:7, Psalm 127:3, Proverbs 22:6, Proverbs 31:6, Isaiah 54:13, Mark 10:14, Matthew 18:10, Luke 18:16, 1 Corinthians 13:11, Ephesians 6:4, 2 Timothy 3:15, Colossians 3:21, James 1:27). The bible doesn’t specifically have words about child molestation and I am happy to let Jesus have the last words on this:
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” Matthew 18:6
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I hate the hatred God
How can they hate
someone they have never met
How can someone say they love You
but hate Your creation
The confusion makes me so tired
I hold onto You with white knuckles
~
It scares me so much
to look at my neighbors
and wonder if they hate me
because I have a wife
because I call her
my gingerbread cookie
or both
What if we adopt a child and
they’re born in the wrong body
I’ll have two parts of my heart
to be afraid for
~
I want to love my enemies
I pray for them like You told me
I fell like prey
I feel like it is a matter of time
before the ships surround me
My only strength is in You
so I will keep listening for You
even though my arms are so tired
~
PS: My 3 year old great-nephew took this picture with my phone. He is amazing!
I’ve listened to a speech by Charlie Kirk where he stated that a spiritual battle is coming to the west. I don’t disagree. But I do disagree with some of what he said: The Muslim religion came from Abraham just like Christianity and Judaism. So why would it be wrong to allow people time to stop and recognize their call to pray? It would be a perfect time for other religions to pray too or get a quick nap in, time to meditate, or take a walk. So that is one error in this man’s speech.
Plus although Christianity has been shaped and formed by governments and institutions, so that it is no longer presented in the original texts, it was not ever the foundation of the United States because our founding fathers were fleeing the persecution of England and the Church of England and wanted religious freedom. Just because people keep saying that the United States was founded on Christian principles doesn’t make it true. Try cracking open a history book.
Kirk was also dead set against queer folks. Sexual orientation has been proven to be a natural state of humanity. We don’t choose our orientation. This is fortified by the fact that the word homosexual was not in the bible until 1947 when one word was misinterpreted in order to control and suppress queer people. The word they were referring to was a word that meant rape or abuse. When people love each other, their intimacy is not either of those things. There was no words for homosexuality in the days the bible was written because people didn’t know what that was because culturally that wasn’t recognized because marriage was a legal transaction in order to create children and maintain inheritance contracts; love was not always factored in. I cannot support Kirk’s viewpoint here either, regardless of my own orientation.
Kirk, held a very conservative way of viewing the American way of life. He said things that I can’t support and, in my opinion, if you are a woman, a free thinker, a person of color, someone that follows a religion other than Christianity, or no religion at all, if you weren’t born here or you even know family members that were not born here, if you are queer, a democrat or you don’t like guns, you might not appreciate all that Kirk had to say. The American way of life is different, depending on which household you are standing in and can be bought best by fair tax laws, where the rich are taxed, just like the rest of us, so that we have a strong middle class and less homelessness. When we have a government that invests in our people through education, healthcare, good jobs that offer ways to grow and pay all your bills, infrastructure and a fair legal system that prosecutes fairly, even law makers and politicians that break the law, in order to maintain our Constitution.
Kirk was offended by education that taught about the general population, which included all kinds of people. My argument to that is if you don’t want your children to learn about general principles of life like how families might be different from each other, send them to private school or home school them.
Jesus came to teach us to love. Jesus did not come to give us a way to throw people down. He had a word for the Pharisees that that had made the law bigger than the people: hypocrite. That is what many in the church have become. Jesus came to show us humility, service, love, peace, honor, grace, mercy. There is none of that in this man’s words
I do not believe that Kirk deserved to die for his beliefs. I am scared and sad for the person that brought him to his death. I have no right to decide what kind of relationship Kirk had with Jesus and I am not judging that. But I do believe that his messages was much smaller than the relationship I have with my Savior. I am sorry that his words brought someone to the idea and to the actions that it did.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
It’s ok if Snoop doesn’t like me. Love is the choice.
I have worked hard to like myself. People have always been kind to me when I am around them, but when the chips are down, there are only a few that are actually by my side when I need them. It used to bother me, but I am ok with it now. I know I am intense. I know I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I am satisfied with my crew and myself. I don’t need to impress anyone. I have worked hard to believe this statement.
Even people groups that I belong to have haters and I have to step back and consider what I think about that. Snoop was someone I considered for some time. I don’t like his music, but I love his belief in family and the way he has marketed himself. Yet, now he has made a comment, that I consider very small, about my Queer Family. If you don’t want to go into detail about how Queer families might have children when your grandchildren ask you, you can be vague. It isn’t your job to answer the birds and the bees questions anyway. The thing is, I don’t think any different about Snoop than I ever did. I think he seems like a nice guy. He has worked hard to market himself and create financial stability for his family. I think that is admirable.
What we have to stop doing is judging each other. If I judge you because you judged me, we end up all alone. You don’t have to understand choices people make or how people live to choose to love them. I didn’t choose to be demisexual and bisexual. This was super confusing for me growing up. I thought I was broken. All my friends were attracted to people all the time and I rarely was and when I did feel that way, it was suddenly towards a close friend. It was weird, until I learned the word demisexual, when I was about 40 years old (I am a late bloomer). So even though our sexual orientation may not be a choice, our choice to love people who we don’t understand is.
I choose to love people, even if they don’t love me. That doesn’t mean I give them a lot of my time. I’m not a member of the Snoop Fan Club, but I want to give words to a situation where my Queer Family might be feeling feelings. I want to give perspective. Only love can overcome hate.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Although I can hear the love you are trying to convey in your message, I still feel sadness when I read your words. I have been walking with Jesus since I was 5 years old, and He came to me in my back yard when I was playing alone, under my apple trees. He found me when I was alone and then I was never alone. He came before my family fell apart and He has seen me through many traumas. It has been 44 years since that day.
He is smiling at me now.
I didn’t understand myself growing up. I was different. I didn’t have many crushes growing up and I didn’t get googly eyed like my friends did. I thought I was broken. I also thought both men and women were beautiful. But I was raised by my nana, who told me never to waste my affections on someone I wouldn’t marry, while teaching me to be a lady, so I just focused on what was in front of me. I met my wife at work. We were friends for 10 years. She actually helped me through a terrible break up with someone I had also been friends with for 10 years. When I got sick, really sick, she was the one that helped me get well. Although I was aware of feelings, I thought they were just coming from her, until they were not only coming from her. We got married 11 days later.
It took me a year of therapy (I have been in therapy most of my life) to be able to say I was bisexual and later to learn the word demisexual. The first year of our marriage was beautiful and God was with me. I just told people I had married my best friend. That was true. But it was also true that I had not chosen to be bisexual and demisexual. I was created that way. I was also created to be more than that and I was confused, but God wasn’t. When I asked Him if I should divorce my wife, He said, “No.” He also told gave me the following scripture:
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28
I believe that sex and gender are human issues. They are something we only deal with on earth, because in the new world we will have heavenly bodies and will not be given away in marriage. I believe that God knows our hearts and He is bigger than a book with words in it that has been edited by humans. Did you know that the word homosexual was not added to the bible until 1947? It was added by humans that wanted to control other humans. The term they were trying to describe was abusers. Consenting people that are committed to each other and love each other are not abusing each other.
My wife and I have been married 11 years. That is longer than both our parents were.
What makes me the most sad about churches that are not affirming, is that they claim to be the body of Christ, yet they create these areas that are ok to judge people and set them aside. I know that I can come to your church, and I will probably be treated kindly by most, feared by some, ignored by the ones that don’t know what to do with people like me and wife. But some day you are going to preach something from your pulpit about how my marriage is an abomination to God and if I brought one of my Queer Family members to visit that day, they might not have made the same peace with the incorrect doctrine, as I have, because Jesus is the Living Word of the bible. The one we read has been translated badly. What can I do to change their broken heart?
I appreciate your kind words but I can’t affirm your church.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I left the church when I was 25 by accident, however, it turned into a purposeful walk with the Lord, where I learned amazing things. I had been so distracted in church, it was often hard to hear Him. Later, I had learned that I enjoyed my time with just Jesus, more than corporate religion. My accidental fellowship and my conversations with my believing friends was enough to sustain my need for fellowship, along with my relationship with my Savior. Eventually, I began visiting churches, however, many times, I was disgusted by the lust, pride, and greed that was easy to see at the churches I had visited, so I stayed in my lane.
Now I find myself ready for more fellowship. But in some of my attempts to find a church family, I was uncomfortable at non-affirming churches. Although I know God has never left or forsaken me, and He has ordained me, feeling the fear of others, makes me sad. This week I sent messages to 7 different churches, mostly nondenominational, because I am not a traditional person, and a few I have gone to in the past.
So far, I have heard back from 2 1/2…meaning one said they are definitely not affirming. One said they want to talk to me about it over coffee. And one church was super excited to invite Karen G Clemenson and I to their affirming church; First Christian Church of Longview’s service starts at 11 am, but coffee is served at 10:30.
It is super hot this weekend, so we plan to visit next weekend.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I don’t think I could put in words how much I love, need and want Karen G Clemenson. She is it. As I grew up I had made lists of what I wanted in a partner. I have never taken choosing a partner lightly and I am not casual about sex at all. Karen is one of two people I have ever been with. She even helped me get over the first guy, promising he would come back, until I finally told her, I didn’t want him to come back.
I have loved 3 people in my life and there were about 10 years between each person. I was friends with each person first. My lists always changed as I had my heart was shattered. Because I love completely. I am so grateful that I am demisexual because I don’t have overwhelming sexual feelings that get in my way until I have bonded with someone emotionally, intellectually and have learned if they are worthy of my trust.
When I prayed to God and asked for a partner I was shocked that Karen was the one. I had been fighting my feelings for some time, to be honest. I was raised in a conservative family and conservative religion and being gay was wrong. However, I had also walked with God since I was 5 and I had an authentic relationship with God and there had been many things God had shown me, that I had been taught, that were wrong.
It was still 1 year after we were married, before I could verbalize that I was bisexual and demisexual. But I also knew that God knew that I was queer. He made me this way and He loved me and this very small part of who I am, is part of the calling He has for me. Nothing I have ever done or ever will do, will ever change how much He loves me or that the salvation He created for me is mine. He promised me that. I am supposed to love Him, let Him love me, and love my neighbor. He will fill in all the blanks.
Karen and I have this little joke. She asks me — Who loves you? — I always answer, with a smile on my face: Jesus.
The only competition Karen has is The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. I do find other people attractive but I don’t want them. We talk about that. Neither of us wants anyone else. And even the most exquisite looking person can open their mouth and say a selfish, judgmental, or hateful thing and suddenly they are no longer interesting to me in any way.
I have had people try to use their religious beliefs to justify their fear that I am going to hell. I am sick of this. It just isn’t true. God created inclusion. The word “homosexuality” wasn’t even added to the bible until 1947 by white people that wanted to control the narrative. I do realize the bible I read, in its imperfection, was inspired by God, but edited by man. This doesn’t stop me from reading it, but I read it with Jesus and I ask questions and wait for answers.
Karen was the best gift God ever gave me. When I could not hide that I was sick anymore, she was there. I had never been taken care of before. I had been the one to serve. I am an artist and chronically ill. I don’t know what my body and mind will be like from day to day; I don’t often know what I will say until I say it. She is never intimidated by me, my body, my mind or my ideas. She loves the challenge and surprises. On earth, she is my rock and I am her’s. I don’t take this for granted.
On the flip side, she eats healthier, dresses better and has more organization in her life than she ever had on her own because once we were married, we both learned, we needed someone to take care of. Her blood pressure is normal, her weight is exactly what her doctor wants it to be and her muscle tone is impressive. Plus she has some pretty great aspirations that she would never have attempted if she didn’t have someone cheering her on. Who else is going to correct her when she says she is crazy and tell her she is just juggling a lot?
We make an amazing team. I thank God for her all the time. I can’t and don’t even want to imagine life without her. We have healed and grown so much in this relationship and I wish that the kind of love, trust, honesty and kindness we share was in all partnerships. If there was, there would probably be little to no divorce and less STIs and unwanted pregnancies too. Because when you have all you want in your relationship, you don’t have to look anywhere else and you make decisions together and you don’t do things to tear down the team.
I am a blessed woman.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I’m thankful because I’m starting to get better at getting my self care routine down every day. Getting hit with the need for radiation for my cancer and DJT as president at the same time, leveled me. I have accepted that radiation is my next step and although I am afraid, I am choosing to be brave.
The hell that our president and the republican congressmen have created or allowed, is, at the very least exhausting. It is hard to watch evidence of hatred, selfishness and power mongering. My pain levels have increased. It is hard to get out of bed. Since I can’t take pain meds, I sleep when I hurt. This is why I don’t have a job. No employer would be able to rely on me. This is why my disability check helps my family every month. Hopefully I will still get one in April and the following months.
My disability check supplies a tiny amount of money that goes into savings, a payment to my doctor bills and three creditors, it pays for our car insurance, our phones, some groceries, our toiletries, our cleaning supplies, it pays for my sister’s cat’s supplies because she needs help with that, it pays for my doTERRA and other supplements that we rely on for our health and our one splurge, Karen’s ESPN app. When all these are paid, my check is gone and Karen G Clemenson pays for everything else, including what my insurance doesn’t cover on my 14 prescriptions. I am blessed to have a wife that can and will work 3 jobs to take care of us.
We never go on holiday. We have never been on a honeymoon. We might get to go to a movie if someone gives us movie passes. We are very boring people and it is good that we like to be at home because we can’t afford to go much of anywhere else. I do my best to make sure there is food in the fridge for when Karen runs in, so she can eat something. I clean and mend her clothes so she always looks presentable. All our clothes are secondhand. We help others where we can and we are helped by loved ones too.
I resent our president. I resent DOGE. The inspectors generals that DJT fired in his first week already did the job that DOGE is supposedly doing without firing tons of United States citizens, closing important programs and cutting off funds that saved lives around the globe. Stress doesn’t make my life better. It makes me sicker. Donald J. Trump is making me sicker. He is allowing children in impoverished countries to starve to death.
There is a video I saw on Facebook of a democratic legislator. I don’t know his name. It was not written anywhere in a caption or on the video but he described that there is food that both democrats and republicans voted to send to Sudan and Ethiopia that was grown in the United States. We paid for it and we sent it to these countries. It is sitting in warehouses in these countries. Current government officials have said we need to make it available, yet DOGE won’t make the funds available to open the warehouse doors. 150,000 people will die without this food. If you want to see the video, there is a link at the bottom of this article. Why is DOGE able to override our government?
I don’t want to live in a dictatorship. I don’t want to live in a country where the president can pick and choose which laws he will follow; where he will dishonor judges, whose job it is to interpret the law. 47 is a man without honor and no regard for law, unless he can bend it to benefit himself. He is a draft dodger and a liar. What will it take for the MAGAs to wake up?
What will it take for everyone to realize the value of every United States citizen and stop trying to politicize everything human? When I was growing up teachers taught me that people were different and that was ok. What was important was that we cared about and respected each other. If we didn’t like someone, we were kind to them, but we found someone else to play with. This philosophy has served me well for my entire life and I wish more people would adopt it.
I’m a sensory person, certain sounds and lights and feelings hurt me. I have learned to be patient with myself but high voices make me feel crazy. Some sopranos hurt my ears and sometimes make my skin crawl. But I am not asking for legislation to outlaw sopranos. I see videos of legislators making arguments about public schools, without proving that the problems originate from the school system. I see a lot of statements but I never hear any questions or answers to my questions when I want clarification. Men want to regulate what women do with their bodies and straight people want to regulate what transgender people do with theirs; but I believe that if you are not part of the group, you don’t have a right to define it.
Just because you don’t understand transgender or queer people doesn’t make them bad. They are humans, trying to live their life and be happy. If you don’t know them, how do you know if you don’t like them? Because someone told you they were bad? What if those people were wrong or misinformed? Why would you let your fear run your life? That would be like me letting cancer take over my body because I am afraid of radiation. It doesn’t make sense.
Removing women and people of color from history on military websites and maps at Arlington Cemetery is pathetic. Removing flags that represent Native tribes from Veterans Services buildings is a slap in the face to people that don’t deserve to be disrespected. Not allowing certain words like women or trauma in applications for government grants sends quite the message that our government is no longer caring for people or the very women that gave birth to all of us.
This is much bigger than my worries about losing my disability check and health insurance, although I am. Money and power are not the most important thing. DJT doesn’t believe this and this is the way he is leading our country. His goal is to make the rich richer and to hell with the rest of us. He doesn’t care about the national debt; he wants to increase it. Everything he is doing is making the United States of America weaker. But we don’t have to allow this. Folks, we are allowing some very dangerous things to happen. We can’t be silent. We must speak or stand or write or walk or do whatever we can to maintain our democracy and take it back from the Trump administration and the MAGA republican congressmen that have given up their power to DJT and his followers or we are going to become like Russia, Trump’s favorite friend.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I am writing regarding Trump’s executive order regarding 2 sexes. There can’t just be 2 sexes. At bare minimum, there must be 3 because there is a percentage of babies born that are intersex. Most babies are born with an identifiable penis or vagina, and these babies are identified as male and female, there are babies that are born with both, or they have chromosomes of both sexes or they are born looking as though they are one sex but they develop characteristics of the other sex and these people really are intersex people.
It doesn’t matter if Trump wants to write an executive order stating his opinion about it, when we have scientific proof that we have, at least 3 sexes, but many more when we consider the variations that sometime occur in chromosomes and genes and genitalia. This doesn’t even consider people with gender dysphoria. Science set aside, I believe that gender expression should be protected under the 1st amendment. I should be able to express myself however I want in an honest and open manner as long as I am dressed in public spaces and not breaking any laws regarding modesty.
I am seeing that conservative states are beginning to write legislation that bans transgender people from being. I find this appalling. To fine or jail someone for existing is ridiculous and wrong. When is it enough? When will people see that legislating humanity is not how to move forward but just drags us back in time. My pre-school teacher taught me that if you didn’t like someone, find someone else to play with. This rule has served me well for my entire life.
I have seen several videos of transgender people that have received “corrected” passports with the sex they were assigned at birth. These people have transitioned and no longer look like this sex. This might just seem like a letter on their passport to some but it could put them in danger in certain countries and circumstances. DJT is endangering United States citizens. He is also empowering hate towards transgender people and the queer community in the United States. This must stop.
You have the power to overturn the president. He must answer to you. Please do your job.
Someone asked me, today, if I thought all people that supported 47 were a certain kind of people. They used an acronym that I don’t know and that Google doesn’t know so I couldn’t answer their question. They were responding to a post that was actually a rough draft for my post: Why Aren’t People Angry Like Me? that ended up on my blog, so if they didn’t read my blog they didn’t get to read where I went with it. But regardless, I was very angry when I wrote both posts. But I have been thinking about who supports 47.
I still agree with what I wrote, but the level of feeling has died down and I haven’t read any news or watched any news for 5 days. I have been focusing on me. Reading my bible. Reading books that I want to read, which are not light reads, but are not directly related to 47, which tends to be a topic that gets me going pretty fast.
Left to my own peace-loving self, I believe that most people, regardless of where their politics lie, are good people; helpful people. If I had a house and it was on fire, I would not ask that only firefighters of one party show up at my house because the other party would not do a good job. If you were walking down the street and you saw me trying to save my family, you would probably help me pull my family from my burning house, or at least make sure 911 had been called, and maybe even hold a hose towards my house for me, while I helped my loved ones. You might even pray with me while my house burnt down. We would never ask who we voted for. We would just be happy that my wife and I were safe and my cat was counted for and I was even able to grab the safe with our documents in it. We might hug each other and you would be glad that The Red Cross came and we had a safe place to go to that night until our insurance took care of this mess. We would never talk about politics. Even if one of were wearing a MAGA hat. Even if one of wasn’t a Jesus Follower, we still might hold a moment of silence and lift up positive thoughts to the universe for our new friendship. Because I believe that when we don’t let stuff get in the way of the good parts of humanity, we are all connected.
I have never been rich. But I have been related to people with money. I know how to act around people with money. I know what to do with money. I know how to make good decisions with money when I have it. But I love love more than money. I love people more than money. I am a chronically ill person with a body that doesn’t do what I want it to do most of the time and I can’t be a reliable employee so I rely on my disability checks. My wife is a genius but was never encouraged to go to college. When she finally tried, she had a brain aneurism and it has taken her a long time to overcome the financial problems that caused. But she is a hard worker and an asset at every job she has ever had, although, she is rarely paid much over minimum wage and hasn’t had full-time hours in almost a year. But we have love and we really like each other. We have always enjoyed being with each other, even when we were just friends. So I consider us very wealthy.
We will probably never see a year where we make over $60,000, let alone $400,000. I am ok with that. It seems like a lot of responsibility. But you better believe, we are generous with the small amount we now have, so I know it would be just that much more fun to give if we had more! That is the way we live.
I am neither a republican or a democrat. I believe if both parties are truthful to their platforms, they balance each other out and I like that. But I don’t even think either party has been totally truthful to their own platforms for a long time. I miss when republicans wanted a balanced budget. They would have never voted to raise the debt ceiling before now, and especially not at the hundreds of trillions of dollars that 47 has proposed. Republicans like low taxes but in their hay day they would have seen that we can’t afford to cut taxes with our national debt this high. I don’t mind that democrats are often called socialists, a little socialistic behavior is good for the economy when you have children in homes that can’t feed them; how will they ever rise above their situation if they don’t get a good education and healthy food? So schools should be fully funded and children should be fed and have health insurance; they are our future. Anything we can do to help families, we should do because it helps children grow up and, “be best,” to borrow a phrase from our First Lady.
I am saddened that 47 is so set against the growth in civil rights we have made. We live in a world, where it is still not fair to be a person of color, a woman, a queer person, disabled, a senior citizen or a naturalized United States citizen and these groups of people still need help. They don’t need to be stomped on, erased or forgotten. This program to erase Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is downright mean. I don’t know why some white men need to be coddled so much. As a fellow white person, even though my family is only 3 and 4 generations in the United States, so yes, I think immigration is wonderful, I would like to remind you that white people stole this land from Natives. White people should not be the dominate race here.
I am avoiding the news this week. I am doing it on purpose. My anger got too big for me to handle last week. I have cancer. I often forget about that. With my 14 diagnosis, only one of them can be cured and it is the cancer. 4 of them are mental and the rest or physical and I never feel great. So the cramping and the exhaustion, they could also be something else. But I need to not be so stressed out that I am screaming at my wife when she comes home or I can’t answer a question without crying or shaking or having nightmares. My therapist is right. There is nothing I can do to change the trajectory of where things are going in our government. I don’t have time to fact check every post people put out there to make sure it is true, but many of them are complete lies. There are only so many emails I can send to my representatives.
What kind of people do I think support 47?
If I had to guess, people that like money, people that want more money and think he can deliver.
I think people that think it is ok to define other people and people groups, even if they have no idea what it is like to be those kinds of people, and tell them how to live their life, support him because he seems to be doing their beck and call, pretty well.
I think people that don’t have faith in science or believe that we need to change how we use our natural resources before we drown ourselves and scorch the sky, probably support 47.
I think people that believe that vaccines are dangerous for everyone to use and think they don’t need to care about themselves or their loved ones enough to find out if there is a medical reason why they should avoid them, or just a stubborn streak that is stopping them from protecting themselves and their neighbor, probably like the cabinet that 47 has chosen; regardless of the years of science that proves that vaccines cause disease to be eradicated.
I think that many people have thought that government has been too big for a long time, but I am not sure many of them had what is happening in mind when they said to drain the swamp. Or maybe they did, maybe people that support 47 like that hundreds of thousands of people are out of living wage jobs and have no health insurance and many programs that we have grown accustomed to accessing, are working worse that ever now that we don’t have people to man them. Maybe those people are very happy about this. I don’t know. I haven’t done a poll to see what kind of people still support 47. But I know that in April we have been waiting for a year for my wife’s FMLA benefits from when she had her hysterectomy. She has applied for help with the VA several times and she tends to get lost in the shuffle. I have sent in paperwork over a year ago for a disabled plaque so I can park closer to buildings, over a year ago and it has never come. I also ordered a copy of my birth certificate about 2 months ago; I was born in Washington State…it hasn’t come yet. All these federal programs could work better and I don’t think firing people is going to make them more efficient.
I also think that white supremacists and christian nationalist like 47 a lot. I think he likes them too. He gives the racists a freedom they haven’t had a in long time. A place to put their hatred. Even though I have heard him say he is not a christian, I have also heard him say he likes how loyal christians are. They definitely can be that.
I do know that a lot of people that support 47, seem to love the massive amounts of deportations of illegal immigrants, even if they are not criminals and need asylum, even though one of our greatest United States symbols is The Statue if Liberty and at her feet is a plaque that says: Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door! The Statue of Liberty – Ellis Island Foundation, Inc. This is what the Clemensons would have seen when they came over from Norway to Ellis Island and created their new name for a new life.
There might be more kinds of people that support 47. I don’t want to take my imagination any further.
One of the books I am reading is the founding documents of the United States. I bought it because I wanted a copy of The Constitution but I am also finding a lot in the other documents that are available in the foundation of the United States of America. Our colonists were really abused by England’s king. Many times, in more than one document it is stated that we will not have a king. The reasons are made very clear in more than one document. A king is not all powerful. He must still answer to his Parliament, however he still has power and he did some horrible things to us in his anger and attempt to own us. We have forgotten this. 47’s comments about being king, whether they are a joke or not, are not only unconstitutional, but need to stop. There is a reason we chose our type of government. We chose a president that answered and was held accountable and had less power than our congress on purpose. Our congress is made up of elected officials that can be voted out so that we the people hold the power. This is important to remember. This our country. The United States of America is 47’s too, but he is just one man and he works for us.
Another book I am reading is called Frauen. Each chapter is an interview of a married woman during the Third Reich. Depending on the social class or education level of each woman, the interview is vastly different. The experiences of these women are sometimes similar and sometimes extremely different. Some of the women knew Jewish people and were empathetic to the situation for them. Some women knew that not only Jews, but anyone that wasn’t what was what was considered perfect (disabled people, elderly, queer, gypsies, spies, criminals, black people, etc) were in the work camps and some camps were specifically death camps. Some women had an idea of what happened in the camps, but they were terrified and didn’t talk about it because they might end up there too. Some women didn’t know any Jews and only knew the propaganda they had been taught about the “dirty Jews.” Each story is hard to read. I spent most of my high school experience studying the holocaust, but it was always from the viewpoint of the survivors of the camps. I have never read anything from the people on the outside. Some of these people lived right next to the camps and they had to “not know.” Ignorant, uneducated people that were very religious, although Hitler did not believe in religion and religion was not part of Nazism, were what he wanted. These people were the easiest to manipulate.
I can see why people keep saying they see similarities to now and the Third Reich. But this is not 1933 and we are not in Germany, where we have just lost World War I and we have not recovered yet.
We are The United States of America. We do things our own way. We need to remember this. 47 is president, but this is our country.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I want to confess to you that I am very human. That even though I am a Jesus Follower and I have been all of my life and I have seen Him do amazing things that I am still afraid. I wake up every day and thank Him for my blessings, because I am a blessed woman, and I pour my heart out because I am afraid, not just for myself but for people that don’t know the faith I do. I am also angry. So angry. More angry than I have been in many years because people that claim to be christians are so selfish and have voted in an antichrist as our president and prepared his way with bills in Congress so he can’t be impeached, and voted in his budget that will not pay down any of our debt but will increase it by hundreds of trillions every year, take money away from children, elderly, veterans and the sick, while giving more money to people that already have more than enough. Where is the mercy and grace in this? I ask God every day to help me not sin in my anger, but I know the thoughts I think, and they are not pure. I am sorry.
To feel so unimportant, to feel so erased, and to know so many feel this way, doesn’t make me want to pray for our president or our Congress, although, out of obedience, sometimes I do and sometimes it is even the kind of prayers God can honor, because I am always honest with God and He knows I am human and He knows where I fall short and where I let myself imagine letting all the people that are hurting others go in my mind, because I feel powerless, not because I condone violence or murder, but because I feel my pain and the pain of others and in moments of exhaustion, it seems the only way to make it stop. But I know I am wrong. I know violence only begets more violence and peace is what I really want. Yet this president doesn’t like peace, he thrives in chaos and in making people uncomfortable, so while he is in office, this is what we have.
I have accepted that all blame doesn’t belong on 47 or Musk. They have been empowered by Congress. And Congress has been empowered by republicans, regular people that do not want the same things I want. But I am still very angry. Hopefully God will be able to show me what to do with my anger because I don’t believe anger has to be bad. Jesus got angry. For many of the same reasons I am angry now.
I have a friend that tells me government is too big. It shouldn’t be in our religion, schools and such. I agree, government should stay out of religion, although I don’t mind if churches pay taxes. I also think schools need to be fully funded and offer meals to children and if that means that we need federal funding to do it, than so be it. Some families need more help than others and children should not suffer because their parents or their states can’t or won’t excel. I also think, as the bible says, we should mind our own business and get the hell out of each other’s doctor appointments and procedures. Adults should be able to have any medical procedure necessary for their medical and mental wellness and it should not be a political issue but a decision made between individuals and their medical team alone. What a waste of time and resources we have created by politicizingabortion or gender affirming care! But there are other government services that are being cut right now that are important: transportation, food inspection, national parks are just a few. Some government jobs make it easier to work with other countries, get to work, have safe food to eat, prevent disease through vaccinations and new treatments, go to parks to relieve stress and have fun, help people pay their bills because they are too sick or old to work, just for example.
Jesus said it would be hard for the rich to get the heaven. He said this because He expected us to share. He told us to share freely. He said to not store up things on earth, but in heaven. Many of these people that agree with what is happening want to say they are christians but they don’t want to share, even when what they have more than enough.
I read that even though the goal of DOGE is to find waste, that 47 and Musk were talking about giving the money they found to the people, but not to the people that need it, the people that make over $400,000 per year. This statement makes me angry, not because I won’t get any of that money, but because any money they find should go directly to pay down our national debt. This is also why I am angry about tax cuts for the wealthy. Fiscally we have no business cutting taxes when our national debt is the highest it has ever been. I would even not be so angry about the rape of Medicaid and SNAP programs if it was going to pay down our national debt, but it isn’t, it going to make up for the tax cuts for people that don’t need it.
Why aren’t people storming the White House? I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t understand why these decisions are terrible, not just nationally but globally? The decisions that are being made are going to make The United States of America weak in every aspect. Why aren’t people angry like me?
On top of all of my feelings, to be truthful, my fears and anger are not just about other people. My feelings and fears are about me. I feel like I did as a child. Always knowing that I would have a terrible thing to deal with every day, but not knowing what it would be, who it would be about and how much it would hurt. Never knowing which version of my parent would show up. Never having the tools I needed to handle the stress and emotional neglect and violence I had to shoulder in my abusive, while well-meaning family. I hate feeling like I can’t protect myself or my neighbor. I don’t like feeling like a child. I find myself always looking over my shoulder, checking my email for a news article and trying to deal with that constant pain in my stomach and heart because I know people are hurting because of the choices of politicians and people that I can do nothing about, except pray. And even though I know this is enough, it doesn’t feel like it, because you can pray for someone for your whole life and then realize that they get to choose to be who they are and they might never align with your prayers because they have the right to be who they want to be, no matter what you ask God for. I know this because I prayed for my family to love me all my life, to know the God I knew, for them to hear me and they can’t do it or wont do it.
Because we all get to choose who we are, even if they make laws that say otherwise. 47 can make all the executive orders he wants about gender but Queer and Trans people have always existed and they always will. You can’t erase us. You can make abortion illegal, but they will always happen, whether you like them or not. The more pressure you put on humanity, the more we fight back. You can accuse President Zelenskyy of not being grateful or not wearing the appropriate suit when he visits but he still didn’t start the war in his country, and we know that Russia did and if World War III begins, it might just be because 47 has raised tariffs to a ridiculous level against our biggest trading partners, while teasing them with adding them to the United States, antagonizing the world with buying them out and not supporting organizations that we have always supported, to keep the world in balance, until every country gets sick of 47 shooting off his mouth and they decide to shoot at us and then what will we do.
Yes I am very angry.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I was on Facebook, the other day, and I found myself on a feed of a more conservative perspective, where people were enjoying their right to free speech, and I came to realize that these people were the people that voted in the politicians that are responsible for the chaos we are in right now. I always hate it when people just blame the president for every issue we have because the president only has the power Congress allows them. Congress is more powerful than the president. And it is Congress that has empowered 47 and Musk. But it is voters that empowered Congress and 47 and Musk.
The lack of care for individuals, these people showed, should not surprise me. They were ok with thousands of people losing their jobs and health insurance. They were ok with the impersonal way these people are being let go. They were happy with the fear that some of us feel. They considered anyone that disagreed with them garbage and felt free to say it in all sorts of nasty ways. I didn’t comment because I knew they couldn’t hear me. The inalienable right of every man to pursue their happiness was irrelevant to anyone but themselves.
As we watch our scientists lose their jobs and funding, I wonder if anyone with the power has considered that this investment in future knowledge is part of our culture and power. That our reach for science compels us to find answers for illness and technology that also creates relationships even with our enemies. As we isolate ourselves from a world that we helped create on a global scale, this sudden rejection is not going to make us better or great. As our Congress allows our president to run his mouth, unchecked, one day the other countries will get sick of the stress he brings and we can only wonder when war, which our country had been able to keep off our shores for a very long time, might just come to meet us and there will be no one to help us.
I know that all presidents reject executive orders and projects of previous presidents, but the extent that 47 has done this is extreme. Someone asked me about what I thought about the pipeline project that Biden stopped and laid off workers, that Trump had begun when he was 45. But in actuality, that project was begun when Obama was president and before they could get too far, testing showed that the pipeline would poison the waters that the pipeline would be under. It would affect the fish, animals and people that were around that water, so it was stopped by Obama. 45 started it again because he doesn’t care about our environment or our health. When Biden got into office, the same testing happened with the same results that were found when Obama was in office were estimated and Biden put a stop to the project. At the time, there were no definite numbers as to how many jobs the pipeline would create during the build, but they were only temporary jobs. In the end there would only be 50 jobs created to maintain the pipeline, once the project was completed. This, by far, is a much smaller number that the hundreds of thousands of jobs that have been lost and will continue to be cut because of 47’s crusade to make government smaller, even if we need those government workers.
This same person asked me about nurses, doctors and state, local and federal workers that lost their jobs because they refused to be vaccinated for COVID-19. This was an easy response because I have voiced my opinion many times that my rights are superseded by my responsibility to my neighbors to be vaccinated, because the bible says I must love my neighbor as myself, without prejudice. Since I am not allergic and have no medical reason that stops me from being vaccinated, I am up to date on all my vaccines. As a medical professional, I would expect all my medical team to follow the same standard I do. People that work in the medical field or want to work for the government, unless they have a medical reason for not getting vaccinated must live to a different standard as the general public. If they don’t like it, they should have picked a different job.
One of my friends said this: I think we are in the situation we are in because “we the people” have allowed our government to dictate our lives. We are allowing “agencies” to spend without accountability. The people who were supposed to be accountable were not doing their jobs. The fraud and/or theft that has been discovered is insane. The Fed’s shouldn’t be involved in education or religion or anything not constitutionally put in their power. Including health care and providing for the poor. When you ask a person to work and take part of their labor pay to support the well-being of another, you have made the working class a slave. Our country has been a complete mess for quite some time. You can’t blame this on a month.
I don’t really have an answer for all of this. When she shares her information with me, we often disagree, so we are good at agreeing to disagree, because we love each other.
Except for religion, which I believe should never touch politics, government was needed to create balance in schools where states would not or could not. Without government help, some children have no chance of rising above their situation. As far as helping the poor, a healthy working class creates a healthy tax payer, better parents and more stability in society; it adds to the economy when people spend that money on bills, groceries and goods.
The defunding of research not only holds us back from reaching for the answers we need for the future but the relationships we had with other scientists in other countries. The fact that 47 has referred to himself as the king is unconstitutional and confusing to other countries. The fact that he will raise tariffs on Canada and Mexico in a few days, our biggest trading partners, will either be the biggest mistake 47 has ever made or maybe just another error, we will see. 47 has blatantly lied and said that Ukraine started the war with Russia when we all know it was Putin, all along. 47 has tried to erase all transgender people from existence, that is at least 1.4 million people. He is also making it so that businesses can’t choose to use diversity, equality and inclusion practices without fear of the government coming down on them. He has cut off communication between the CDC and the United States people during a break out of the bird flu, measles and flu so we have to rely on the media. He has also provided a long list of words that you can’t use when applying for grants or you will automatically be denied. Some of these words are: woman, black, trauma, victim…just to name a few. This is just a short list of what 47 has done; there is actually a lot more he has done. It has been a very fruitful month for 47.
Someone did question my christianity. I do not call myself a christian. That word has been ruined by people that have not spent enough time reading the Word or have warped it to suit their own purposes. I am a Jesus follower. I am not perfect, but I try to follow Jesus with all my heart and sometimes that causes me to say things people don’t want to hear. Which is probably just one of many reason that I don’t think that politics and religion should mix. I don’t believe I have the right to tell someone how to live their life and I certainly don’t want you to tell me how to live mine.
I am trying to be fair and relate to others. But to be honest it is hard not to be scared.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I went to a PFLAG meeting this week and the people at the meeting gave me some great resources to read. I got to a part in one of the pamphlets where they talk about coming out to your loved ones. I realized I never really came out to my extended family. I invited them to my wedding. I gave them 3 days notice. It was technically an elopement. They didn’t come. They blamed me for not giving them time to adjust to my announcement.
Karen G Clemenson insisted on it. I didn’t think they would come. I had never felt supported in my endeavors. They didn’t show interest in me as an individual. I was important when they needed something from me. Even now, I am positive I didn’t tell them because I had spent so much of my life trying to be what they wanted me to be, I didn’t know who I was. Being queer wasn’t something I could embrace for myself until a year after I was married, with the help of my therapist.
So many things that my extended family did wrong are mentioned in these booklets. I’m glad I have these resources. Daily I am learning more and more clearly that if you are not part of a group, you don’t get to define it.
I went to this meeting hungry for help finding information about transgender people. This special group of people usually has to fight every day for their right to live in peace. I didn’t realize that my questions, no matter how innocent my intentions were, they could trigger some very strong and negative feelings. At this meeting I was able to find people that were willing to answer some of my questions and give me a few sources to start. These resources have also given me leads to more information.
I know being a cisgender person, I will never really know the transgender or gender expansive experience, but learning more will help me empathize. If we end up fostering a transgender or gender expansive child, this will give me a little knowledge beforehand too; this is my main motivation.
This reading and what is happening at the hand of our current political administration has left me feeling so raw. Often my prayers are, “Please help.” I can hardly say more. Executive orders that erase all gender identities besides male and female must be terrifying for the estimated 1.4 million transgender people in the United States. But white cisgender male christian nationalists are used to getting away with this; they have violated and controlled black people, Natives, Asians, Latinos and any person of color, women and any religion that isn’t theirs. I am exhausted by this thought and how little I can do about it.
I have tried to disconnect because I can only handle so much stress and I want to focus on the research that I have chosen but it is impossible to avoid the daily actions of 47 and Musk…who we never voted on but somehow he seems to have a lot of influence. I guess if you can’t be voted in because you weren’t born in the United States you just need enough money to buy your way in.
I hate what money can do sometimes.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Come to the Garden by Jennifer Wilder Morgan was a lovely Christian read about the main character, Jennifer, and her angel, Margaret. They met on her birthday in her Jennifer’s garden to talk about different experiences that Jennifer had had in her lifetime where God had been communicating and working in her life.
“All of God’s children have the ability to encounter the Divine but must have hearts and minds that are open to the possibility…Anything is possible for one who is willing to believe.” Chapter 2
Throughout the book I found important messages:
God knew me before I was born.
When we worship with music God joins us and rejoices.
Talk to God like He is your friend.
Listen to your dreams.
Listen to His voice.
God is the eye of the storm.
God is always with me. There is no darkness too dark for His light to encompass.
When God speaks, obey.
The past, present and future are all connected.
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one. They are light in the darkness.
It is the Divine will of the Father that all of His children are restored to Him.
Death is part of life, not the end; it is our way back to our origin.
When we don’t know what to pray our spirit does because God already know what we need.
Heaven is right here.
God wants to be the delight of our heart as we are the delight of His heart.
I have called you by name, you are Mine. Isaiah 43:1
This book was what I needed at this time. Something light, yet not; a reminder that I am a child of God and He is always communicating with me for His good pleasure. I chuckled a lot during the reading of this faithfictionnovel but I also had a few aha moments. I really enjoyed this book.
Have you ever considered what you would do if you came face to face with an angel in your garden? I haven’t, until I read this book. I am still not sure what I would do, but I did enjoy reading Come to the Garden by Jennifer Wilder Morgan. This book about listening to God and hearing what He has to say and learning to hear Him and be of service to him was both lighthearted and yet profound. I would recommend you read this book. It isn’t scary or too much, it is just right.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
January has been quite the month. It is the start of a new year and the start of a new presidency. I have been having some dental work done. There are many reasons to turn to children’s books. As I have written before, children’s books are great stress reliever. We don’t have children in our house, but we sure do own a lot of children’s books, not just so I can write this blog, but in case my great nephews come over…or any other amazing short people or just anyone that wants to have a light read wants to grab one.
Now without further ado 5 Books for January 2025:
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The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings by Stan and Jan Berenstain
The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings by Stan and Jan Berenstain is just another sweet story, in a long line of high morale children’s classics that help teach positivity. In this story, Mama Bear is a bit stressed because every time Brother and Sister go to visit a friend, they come back, excited about what their friends have, they they don’t have. But on this day, there is thunder and lightening storm that knocks out the electricity. This is the perfect time for Mama and Papa to talk about the weather and counting their blessings as the family huddles around the fire with their hot chocolate.
I find this fictionanimalpicture book to be endearing and educational.
Harold’s Fairy Tale by Crockett Johnson is a fantasy that begins in an enchanted garden with no flowers. Of course Harold must find out why that is, so on his artadventure he ends up in a castle with a sad king. There Harold meets with a witch with giant feet, a swarm of mosquitos, fire, rain and then a beautiful enchanted garden full of flowers and a fairy that gives him one wish, that he trades for a flying carpet that brings him home. When he finds his mother, he asks her to read him a bedtime story.
Curious George is a monkey that always finds himself in an adventure. In Curious George Flies a Kite by Margret Rey, the man in the yellow hat has work to do so George has the day to amuse himself. His new ball is a lot of fun, until George gets distracted by the window and must see who would live in the tiny house next door. This is George’s first experience with rabies and he really enjoys them until he sees a man going fishing. He tries to go fishing on his own but has no success and luckily his friend, Bill, is there to help get George out of the water. Bill has a kite, which turns out to be great fun until George attempts to fly the kite by himself. Fortunately, the man in the yellow hat is able to catch George in a helicopter and bring George and the kite back home.
This fun fiction children’s classic with animals is brought to life by the colorful pictures by H. A. Rey. This picture book is full of humor, morals and the innocent whims of Curious George.
Frank the Farting Flamingo by Humor Heals Us is just another children’s fiction picture book that gives us another reason to talk about farting. I don’t think most kids need a reason for this, but they will enjoy it. Frank is adorable though…and who doesn’t like to fart anyway?
I originally bought a copy of this book for my friend Linea, who insists she has the soul of a 10-year-old boy living inside of her. She loves flamingos and it made her laugh so much that I bought a copy for myself.
I had Frog and Toad books as a child and I was glad to recently obtain the collection. Frog and Toad Are Friends by Arnold Lobel is a delightful collection of 5 stories about amphibian friends, Frog and Toad: Spring, The Story, A Lost Button, A Swim and The Letter. I enjoyed all of the stories about Frog and Toad and their animal friends but my favorite is The Story.
Frog had come to visit Toad and he did not feel well. Toad offered Frog his bed and Frog asked Toad for a story. Toad, not able to think of a story, did all sorts of things to try to make his brain come up with one. He was not successful. But just as Frog felt better, he and Toad switched spots, because Toad no longer felt well. In turn, Toad asked for a story and Frog told Toad a story about a friend that did all sorts of silly things to help him come up with a story to tell his sick friend. By the end of the story Toad was sound asleep.
When I read this classic children’s story, my wife, Karen G Clemenson, had come home for lunch and she very much enjoyed these stories too. She told me that she enjoyed The Letter the most. It was about Toad and how he got sad waiting for the mail because he never got anything. When he told Frog about this, Frog immediately went home and wrote him a letter about how much he enjoyed his friendship. Frog gave the message to a snail to deliver. Four days later, as they were waiting for the mail, both Frog and Toad were overjoyed that Toad got such a lovely letter. I enjoyed this story too because it reminded me of my sister, Jamie Holloway, and I because even though we communicate daily, we also send letters to each other.
I enjoy how these two friends truly love and accommodate each other in this book. What a lovely example of friendship.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
All over the world at one time or another, multiple sexes and types of relationships have been accepted. It wasn’t until the wealthy chose to control people that they divided people into classes. This is when hostility toward Queer folks, especially Transgender people became acceptable and expected. I learned a lot from reading this nonfiction book: Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg.
Some Names People Have Used to Define Transgender People are:
Androgynes
Bearded Women
Bigenders
Bulldagger
Butch
Cross-dresser
Cross genders
Drag Queens
Drag Kings
Gender benders
He/She
Intersexuals
Female to Male (FTM)
Feminine Men
Male to Female (MTF)
Masculine Women
Passing Women / Men
Shape Shifters
Trans
Transgender
Transgenderist
Transvestite
Women body builders
Native Americans use the term Two-Spirit to refer to transgender people.
Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for cross-dressing.
The author, Leslie Feinberg, had grown up always being a masculine child and she needed someone like her to be found in history and in a pamphlet by Bob McCubbin, McCubbin outlined how in early communal societies, people had honored all forms of human love and expression but as the wealthy divided society into classes, those leaders were increasingly hostile towards same-sex relationships.The stigma of race, nationality, religion, sex or gender was meant to dehumanize individuals and justify enslavement and the now male-dominated society as it changed from matrilineal and communal living. It was about money and politics. Even in the bible.
The witch trials or “Holy” Inquisition began in 1233. Women that followed other religions besides Catholicism, or held small amounts of land, women that had medical knowledge. such as midwives that shared birth control or abortion methods were accused of being witches and accused of being able to change sexes. Trans people, Lesbians, Gay men, Muslims, Jews, Herbalists, Healers and Scientists were all at risk of death.
Some people may choose to pass from female to male because society is so unfair to women.
Jazz musician, Billy Tipton, died in 1989 from an ulcer because he was afraid to go to a doctor and be found out to be a biological female. There are no personal records to explain why he hid his identity. During his lifetime, it was very hard for females to become jazz musicians and there was a lot of lesbian oppression. Both of these reasons could be valid for Tipton.
As soon as the attending doctor found out Tipton’s sex, he announced it to the world.
“If you are not Transexual, Transgender, or Intersexual, if you’re not a Cross-dresser, Bigender, or Drag queen or king, then perhaps you already understand that defending our right to be who we are is inextricably tied to your own right to explore and define who you are. Each individual has a stake in Trans Liberation.” Leslie Feinberg
The first gay rights liberation organization was called that Scientific Humanitarian Committee. It was founded by Dr Magnus Hirschfeld in Germany. He was Gay, Jewish and a Socialist in 1897. His research found that gender expression and orientation were not automatically linked; this means that not all trans people are gay or lesbian.
Transgender people can be Heterosexual, Bisexual, Gay or Asexual.
The Stonewall Rebellion happened on June 28, 1969 in New York, Greenwich Village. After years of being beat up, dragged out of bars and arrested, Queer folks fought back against the police brutally until the police had to retreat.
The histories of Transgender people and Women are interconnected. Societies that degrade Women and Trans folks are divided into classes by men that divide people by a rigid categorization of gender and sex.
Gender is expressed differently in different nationalities, cultures, regions and classes.
“I am heartened by the realization that hatred of sex and gender variation is not rooted in human nature. The more I dig, the more I find that although what we think of as gender today has been expressed differently in diverse historical periods, cultures, regions, nationalities, and classes. There appears to have always been gender diversity in the human population.” Leslie Feinberg
I found this book to be very empowering. Although I am not transgendered, I am queer. Many feminists do believe that transgender females do not belong in the feminist movement, but I think this is wrong. I think at the heart of true feminism, true equality is the desire, where men and women are absolutely equal; this would extend to ALL genders. Some queer folks do not include transgender people in their fight for equality too, and this is absolutely incorrect. In a perfect world, I believe all people are worthy of the pursuit of happiness, regardless of sex or gender or orientation. While we must fight for our civil rights, transgender humans fit in the LGBTQIA+ and Women’s movements. I am thankful to Leslie Feinberg for sharing her story so bravely and helping me to understand more deeply, issues I have not experienced myself, so that I can more deeply empathize with my Queer family.
Transgender Warriors is a book about the lives of transgender people, including the author, Leslie Feinberg. Feinberg researched throughout history to find how humans have changed from communal living, led by women that made room for many types of love and genders, to the colonialized version of life we now live that divides people by classes, sex, gender, religion, race, skin color, and disability all in the name of money and politics. Feinberg helps to define some of the ways that people have belittled transgender people and ways that these warriors have risen above the criticism. This is a powerful book and I highly recommend it to people that want to empathize more fully with humanity.
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
2024 was so full of blessings and opportunities to grow. Many people might not agree with me but I see challenges as opportunities to see my strengths and where I need to get stronger or let others help me. Fretting or stay angry is a waste of time. Time I could be doing better things, like reading! I found some great books to read this month, in fact I am almost out of my personal books to read. I will have to head back to the library soon, what a problem to have. 🙂
Now without further ado 5 Books for December 2024:
Taylor the Tooting Turkey by Humor Heals Us is not my favorite farting fiction children’s book. There is really no story but there is some humor. What might be helpful is the definition of the different types of farts the gives, if you need this information. The illustrations are cheerful and endearing.
Corduroy is a sweet teddy bear that always finds an adventure by accident. He is the creation of Don Freeman, but A Christmas Wish for Corduroy is by B.G. Hennessy.
In this classic children’s fiction picture book, Corduroy wants a name, an outfit and a boy or girl to want him for Christmas and luckily for him, Corduroy accidentally makes all of his wishes come true. This heart-warming story is made even more special by illustrations by Jody Wheeler.
When I was a little girl I had a copy of The Raggedy Ann Stories by Johnny Gruelle. I also had my mother’s Raggedy Ann doll. She was a special doll in my family. It was special to me to reread these heart-warming children’s classic fiction picture book, which included 7 short stories: Raggedy Ann Learns a Lesson, Raggedy Ann and the Kite, Raggedy Ann Rescues Fido, Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls, Raggedy Ann and the Kittens, Raggedy Ann and the Chickens, and Raggedy Ann’s New Sisters. Out of all the stories, my favorite is Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls.
All the stories have lovely morals and simple beauty and fantasy to them, but Raggedy Ann and the Strange Dolls is about some new fancy dolls that come to the nursery. Annabel Lee and Thomas, named after Marcella’s aunt and uncle, who sent the dolls to Marcella, thought they were better than all the other older dolls because they have real hair and fashionable clothes, while the other dolls have been well-loved and have some wear and tear, especially Raggedy Ann, who was Marcella’s grandmother’s doll and has a simple painted face, cotton stuffed body and yarn for hair.
By the end of the story, the two new dollies learn why Raggedy Ann is a favorite of all the dolls and Marcella, not because Raggedy Ann is more beautiful on the outside, but because of her great wisdom and love towards everyone. I love that this story shows that a beautiful heart is the most important feature in a person.
Papa, Mama and Milkweed are the Woodsey family. This family of squirrels live in the forest in a lovely home, high in a tree in nature. But one night there is a terrible storm that forces them to leave. The family works together to save some of their tools and possessions and their very lives as they leave their home before lightening strikes twice.
This sweet animal family loves each other and their new friend, Goodgrub Mole, as they learn how to relocate and stay positive during stressful times. Lightening Strikes Twice by Marci Ridlon is endearing and educational and the illustrations by Cyndy Szekeres are adorable.
I had this book as a child and I still love it! This children’s fiction picture book is a great addition to story time.
My wife loves the Seattle Seahawks and since we have been married I have bought so much regalia that I have told her she is not allowed to fall in love with another sports team. When I bought Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn, I didn’t realize it was a children’s history book, I believe it is grade 1-2 level because it has 9 chapters, but the chapters are only 1 page long and easy to read. She has given this nonfiction book her thumbs up!
The Seattle Seahawks were formed in 1976 by mostly unwanted players. Their first year, they lost 12 of 14 games.Their success didn’t grow until 1983 when they got a new coach named Chuck Knox, who had been known to have success with other teams. The Seahawks finished 9-7 that year.
Pete Carroll became coach in 2010. People loved his positive attitude. He used the draft to choose strong players.
“The Seahawks played the New Orleans Saints on December 2, 2013. The home fans set a record for noise. The crowd was louder than a military jet taking off from an air craft carrier!”
In 2014, the Seattle Seahawks won their first Super Bowl.
This book has good information and great pictures. I think it is a great read for young readers.
I got this book from my own personal collection. You can get your own copy of Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl Champions by Brendan Flynn on Amazon.
As 2025 begins, I hope that you are surprised with a great number of good things to bless you. Some of the best things are very small but bring great amounts of joy if you see them and appreciate them…like my wife who is holding on for dear life to her Seattle Seahawks chance at going to the Super Bowl. It could happen. It did in 2014. Happy New Year!
Be blessed.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I am watching SEAL Team. It’s a rerun; the one where Jason’s wife is killed by a drunk driver. But this episode is not about Alana, it is totally about Jason. I am amazed to watch Jason’s entire team stop everything to support him. He is their leader but he is in need and they are there for him. They know he can handle war, but not this.
The stressful extended family dreams have made sleep frustrated lately. Every night I pray for them. I ask God to help me forgive them, in case I have missed something. I want them to to be happy. I want them to blessed. I want to be free.
This latest D&C has left me in pain. More than the others. I was told by someone that every time I go through these, there is scar tissue that gets re-traumatized. My oncologist said she was going to cut deeper this time to try to remove all the cancer. It is no wonder I hurt.
I asked for a second day of oxycontin. I have never done that before. I have to admit, I have considered asking for more but what if those pills are instigating some of the bad dreams? I need to get away from being alone, not being loved, heard, seen or valued.
I know it isn’t fair to say I wasn’t loved. I wasn’t loved in a way that felt good. I was needed. I was expected to hold things together. I was required to accept daily abuse and forgive. I was the one who served, regardless of my needs and wants. I was only supported if the other parent was at fault.
It should have got better when we became adults, but it didn’t. I was still at fault, not good enough, only there if I was to serve. No one chose to know me, hear me, or actually love me. I didn’t trust anyone because most people that said they loved me was a liar. They gossiped about me, rejected me and either lied about me or believed lies about me but never spoke to me. I was good enough to care for their babies until they were self-sufficient or their dog but I wasn’t good enough to invite to their day trips to the beach, or visits, school programs or even over for dinner. I wasn’t like them.
I can’t say I miss them. Who wants to drive four hours to be ignored? I miss the idea of the family I always wanted to love me but I am coming to peace with this.
I am definitely not a SEAL Team Member but I had seen people in my family support each other. I personally didn’t know what that felt like after my father left. I was told all my life that because I was fat I would never marry, have a good job and I would probably die young. Every ache and pain was blamed on my weight. When I went to the doctor, I don’t remember what they said but I do know that my parent would tell everyone what they knew. I had no privacy. I stopped going to the doctor.
When I was 25-years-old I started having medical issues but it was hard for me because I was so confused by how I had been raised. Also this was during the 1990’s when psychiatrists were over-prescribing medications and it was not helping me at all. This ended up being an even bigger mess and I still didn’t know I was an abuse victim, although I had kept working with a therapist.
When I was 35-years-old, it finally occurred to me to ask myself what I wanted out of life. I was so used to being told what to do and who to be. Anything I wanted that didn’t align to what my parents wanted was stupid. At this time, all I knew was that I wanted my family to love me.
Three years later, I got really sick. I had just worked with Living Ministries, our nonprofit, on a 24 hour telethon called Christmas Joy Telethon and I got the flu. I hadn’t told anyone that I had a sore on my left leg for 8 years. But this flu caused that sore to take over my leg. I knew I needed to go to the hospital but I wasn’t ready, mentally to go.
My family loves me by bullying me. My youngest sibling brought my nephew over to guilt trip me into going to the hospital. I was so angry. He and I have always had a special bond and I hated that his parent would put their child in this position. I promised him that I had a plan to go, I just needed time to be emotionally ready. I also apologized to him for what the family was doing to him. Of course the family that is closed-minded and doesn’t care what I think, did not care what I wanted, so they called the police and told them I was suicidal.
Soon I had a police officer banging on my locked bedroom door, demanding I come out. They didn’t know my name. They didn’t know anything other than I lived in my mother’s house and the family had decided I wanted to kill myself. I knew if I went with them, I would not get medical treatment. I would be taken to the behavioral sciences floor at PeaceHealth St John and probably isolated. This is not what I needed and I didn’t want this on my record.
God told me to stay calm. So I did.
My brother-in-law was preparing to break the door down. I calmly asked him to not break my mother’s house. Thankfully, he stopped.
I told the police officers, I would not let them in my room but I would open the door. I told them who I was and what was going on. When they heard about the telethon fundraiser for The Salvation Army, they relaxed. They did get me to let Karen G Clemenson in the room and one paramedic. The paramedic had already spoken with Karen. He agreed, when he saw the plain Greek yogurt and steamed broccoli that I was trying to eat that I was probably really concerned about my health and not wanting to die. He took my vitals and although they were a little high, they were not outrageous and the stress of being sick and the situation was a good reason for them being elevated.
I told him I planned to go to Legacy Salmon Creek in a couple of days. I was not interested in going to PeaceHealth St John. The paramedic said that was acceptable but if he was called back he would have to take me against my will. My leg was very swollen. I told him that he would not need to be called.
After I came home from the hospital, I think I felt a bit like Jason after his wife died. Alana had been the one to keep his life at home in control while he was away on special operations all over the world. I had been forced to let go of a lot of the walls I had built around myself to be able to ask for help. That part of me that took care of everyone and took the neglect and abuse didn’t want to do that anymore. I held on for as long as I could because I knew if I made a change, my nieces and nephews could be taken away from me. They were the only ones I had real relationships with. But at some point I had to take care of me. When I told my parents I had to take a break from them, my siblings chose my parents and took their kids with them; just as I expected.
I don’t have a large team. I have my wife, my sister/friend, Jamie Holloway, and one aunt that checks in with me. But I know my team has my back. I have spent the last 10 years learning how to listen to myself, love myself and be who I was created to be. Although I have told my parents I can’t have them in my life until they see therapists, so at least I know they are trying to be better, I doubt that will happen. Their traumas run deep. It is scary to admit the way you have lived all your life is not healthy and work to change it. I know. I have done it and I continue to do it. It is so much easier to say: This is who I am and if you don’t like it, leave — and that is what I did.
There came a day where I realized that one of my siblings had always been emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me. My parents never protected me. This was their golden child. This sibling has paid greatly for their position, in my opinion. From the outside, they have a great life but they are miserable. So material things and manipulation have made them golden and I have no interest in competing.
It may sound like I resent this sibling, but I don’t. They have done what they need to do to survive. To be successful in a fixed mindset way. They have followed all the rules. Did everything as society told them and they look good. Most of the people I am related to are fixed mindset people.
I am a growth mindset person. I believe I can change and I can become what I want. However, convention had never interested me. I was not able to find success the way the rest of my family was. Probably a lot of that had to do with the chronic illness I live with. That as I learn to live with, I get better, however I have done it without them. When my youngest sibling was diagnosed with MS, we all did a 5K walk to support them. No one cares what I live with.
The siblings did reach out when I told my parents I have cancer. I will give them that. But it had been years with no communication. I just have nothing for them. I can’t carry any of them anymore and I don’t trust them. I have been talked about and set up too many times. I don’t want one more angry phone call, text or letter because they decided I am a monster when I am not, I’m just not the golden child.
There is a scene in this episode of SEAL Team, when Jason breaks all the beer bottles and then beats up the fridge and the garbage can until they are all dented. I can relate to his rage. Even though he scared his kids and he admitted he should not have done it, sometimes you have to let the anger out. Sometimes I have used my writing to vent, but even now, I don’t believe I am doing that. I have told some of these stories before, but not all of the details. I think I needed to share them. I needed to share that I am a reasonable person that has been treated unreasonably.
I can’t go back to how things used to be. I won’t hide my queerness to make one parent happy. I won’t let the other parent judge me when they are not without their own sin. I won’t compete with siblings that were raised by traumatized parents that didn’t have the emotional strength to handle 4 children so they forced us to compete for attention and other necessities.
After these last 10 years, I am used to being loved extravagantly by God and Karen and I don’t want any form of counterfeit. I am beautifully and wonderfully made by God and He has never left me or been shocked by me. He thinks that way about you too. I have my story. You have yours. God does not change.
I can’t worry about why my extended family thinks I wrote about them. Unfortunately, just because they ignored me and rejected me regularly, I was still there. This is my life I am writing about. I loved them. I gave to them because I wanted everything to be good. I sacrificed so much. There were teachers that would have helped me find a new home if I would have asked, but I knew I was needed at home while one parent worked and the other was off making a new family and was never there.
I knew mental illness was in my house but to this day there are working United States citizens that can’t afford health insurance so they don’t get the help they need and this is disgusting. A healthy workforce can pay more taxes and buy most stuff, let alone raise healthier children that will grow up and do the same. This makes so much sense to me as a former child of a single parent.
I was raised in a time when we didn’t know that kids could have chronic migraines. Fibromyalgia is still relatively new. Neurodivergence—OMG! How could my parents even deal with my anxiety disorder and depression when one was living with their own untreated mental illness and the other doesn’t believe mental illness is real?
Do you see how I had some short-comings? I have overcome so much! I understand how these things were missed. I am so thankful I know about what is going on inside my body now and I have a medical team that is helping me. They even agree that my wight is not my number one issue — however we now know that I have always been insulin resistant, even before I was diabetic, so diet, exercise and medicine are working for me.
In some ways, I feel sorry for my extended family because I am getting so much better, smarter, kinder, more patient and overall more interesting and compassionate. But I can’t share this with them because life is what it is and people make their own choices. I don’t come from people that forgive; themselves or anyone else. They seem to think I owe them apologies, but you don’t ask children to apologize for crying when they have growing pains and what I have done is just make space for me to grow.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
I got triggered by Father’s Day. I didn’t realize it was Father’s Day before I went on Facebook and saw all the great posts everyone had for their dads. I write about my journey to celebrate my steps and share what I have learned with others that might benefit from my path. I have PTSD and sometimes yesterday is right now but I have new tools.
The episode didn’t actually start on Sunday but had started earlier. Pride usually reminds me of several things that make me feel loss and I work through them. I assume that most of my extended family doesn’t even realize how their actions have affected me and how my mind has created connections through Pride Month; it only makes sense to me and isn’t even fair to include them so I forgive because it isn’t anything they actually did. But the tenderness was already there when I saw the pictures of women with their dads, dancing, fishing, doing puzzles, gardening, cooking or any other relationship building activity.
The most recent reason my extended family is not in my life is that when I needed answers, no one could give me answers that made me feel peace, joy, safety and loved so I left them behind me. I never had success when I was around them so I needed to leave them. Love was not enough. It is my fault I am not in their lives. It was my choice. I do not choose to bad mouth them. They are successful with each other. I was the one that didn’t fit. I found other people that had no problem with my needs.
This truth does not erase my history. I still have PTSD. Once I realized that the emotions I was feeling were not reliable or even recent, I needed to listen to them before they leaked out on an innocent bystander. By the time I was really aware of them they were a big red ball of emotions, mostly anger and hatred toward two people. I have forgiven them so many times. These things are old. I was sitting with God, knowing that I had already forgiven these things. I knew I didn’t hold this against them anymore. My goal was peace. So I began reminding myself of what is true today: They are just people. They are not perfect. They have their own traumas. They have done the best they could. They don’t benefit from my anger and hatred.
I felt the ball of emotions begin to shift as I reminded myself that I don’t want this. I don’t benefit from these emotions anymore. I want them to do well. I want them to be blessed. I want them to have a good life. I want God to love them.
I am going to be honest. I don’t like one of them. It took me almost 30 years to be honest with myself that I hated them. I had to say that so I could forgive myself for that hatred. I don’t hate them anymore but I don’t trust them and I don’t like them and I refuse to have them in my life. It is hard to be loving toward someone you feel that way about. But removing my emotions, I know that my anger and hatred does not benefit anyone that they are around that I love. Those emotions don’t help me either.
The ball of emotions had become very manageable.
It is not always easy to forgive or pray for the people in our past. But it gets easier. It isn’t about those people that once had so much say in our lives. It is about letting them go so we can have peace.
This is a hard article to write. There is a part of me that still wants to tattle. She is many ages of Summer, but I am in control and I am a lady. I am here and I want to see my readers get well and I don’t think telling on people will make anyone feel better. In reality it never made me feel better. I think that sharing what I have learned is what actually helps me move forward.
There are many paths to wellness. For me, medication and therapy, several types, has been a life saver for me. I think everyone should see a therapist for at least a period of time in their life. We can all use more tools to help us use our words and our minds to help us process what the world throws at us. I do know, for me, I would not be here without my relationship with God. God has always turned me in the right direction and spoken truths to me when I was ready to hear them. As I leaned into Them, I learned more and especially gained that peace, joy, safety and love I was looking for.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
It was supposed to be warm and sunny today
but in my dream it was snowing
The silence was not available because
you were there to judge as always
You hate me because I am gay
I wanted to call you a slut
because the man you are married to
is not your first
but he is a preacher so his degree frees your tongue
You forget we have all fallen short
and require the grace of God
~
I left you because my tears were starting to freeze on my face
because I loved you best
~
Guarding the door
you stood with your rocks and knives
they all had collected for you
You threw a couple but
I slipped in another door
I know you hate yourself and me
but I don’t know why
~
You were tending you wounds
while your mother told lies and smoked cigarettes
and put them out in her daughter’s arm
If you could get away
If you could get away
~
I was supposed to go to school
but I didn’t know which box in the garage was mine
I had missed so many days I was overwhelmed
by what it might take to catch up
I have always been left behind
but God
~
God woke me from the nightmare
He chose me and loved me
He showed me that He was always with me
and with you
and I didn’t have to live in your house
to love you
He made boundaries because I am human
I am not God
I have limits
But I can pray and I don’t have to judge
in response to yours
I can love from my place in Him
Please wait...
