Justice Calling Live Love, Show Compassion, Be Changed by Palmer Chinchen, Phd. Introduction and Chapter 1 Notes

The following are notes directly from the context of this book with a mingling of my opinions and thoughts while I processed what I read. It is my interpretation. You may get something totally different out of this book.

INTRODUCTION: LOVE AND JUSTICE

 

  • Being incarcerated does not rob a person of the right to dignity and respect.
  • Police officers that are bullies (not to be confused with police officers with a servant’s heart) make a mockery of humans and justice.
  • When we see injustice we often look away because we don’t want to see people hurt. We should be trying to serve the people being hurt with whatever we have. Even a smile can encourage someone being persecuted.
  • Decisions we made in the past should not steal today; this is true for people paying for their crimes too.
  • By treating every person well, even people who are behaving in ways that is causing discomfort to others, we are showing them that they are treasured and loved by God and they are beautiful.

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Codependent No More By Melody Beattie Chapter 18 Notes

Work A Twelve Step Program

Chemical dependency and other compulsive disorders destroy beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, creative, loving people.

Some Twelve Step Programs:

    • Alcoholics Anonymous – Group for people addicted to alcohol
    • Al-Anon – Group for people affected by alcoholics
    • Alateen – Group for teenagers affected by alcoholics
    • Al-Atots – Group for children affected by alcoholics

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Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie Chapter 17 Notes

Communication

“When you’re doing what’s right for you, it’s okay to say it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further.” – Toby Rice Drews

Many Codependents:

  • manipulate
  • are people pleasers
  • are controlling
  • cover things up
  • assign/use guilt or try to alleviate guilt
  • repress feelings and thoughts
  • have ulterior motives
  • have low self-esteem or self-worth and feel a lot of shame
  • react inappropriately
  • allow abuse and use badgering as a tool
  • justify, rationalize, compensate and threaten

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Codependent No More Chapter 15 & 16 Notes

Chapter 15 “Yes You Can Think”

For God hath no given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:17

Many codependents do not trust our minds and indecision can make the smallest choices frustrating – so big choices like what to do with our lives or who to live with or how to solve our problems can be overwhelming.

We must think, figure things out, decide what we need and want and decide how to solve our own problems.

Our ability to think may be clouded by lies we have believed, told to us or by ourselves (denial), chaos, stress, low self-esteem and repressed emotions.
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Notes from Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 14: Anger

I have been slowly taking in this great book for about 6 weeks. While I am digesting and praying about issues that seem to come about in me, I see myself growing and learning to be focused on being positive and learning to communicate better. Chapter 14 in Codependent No More is about anger, something I have a lot of experience with, here is what I have gleaned and learned about anger:

Grief, rescuing, care taking, being reactionary, hurt, fear, sadness, being afraid and guilt can all become anger.

Some people prefer to stay angry because it makes us feel more powerful and less vulnerable.
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 13 Notes

Feel Your Own Feelings

There are people that I have withdrawn so completely from, emotionally, that they don’t know me at all. I have known them my whole life. I love them. I know they love me. At an earlier time in my life, I learned it was dangerous to trust them because they could absolutely crush me. My “going away” only made me stuff all the emotions I felt because of their actions. Until I became so overloaded with emotions that I could not bear even seeing them.
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 12 Notes

Learn the Art of Acceptance

Lord I don’t understand peace. It is so easily lost. I think I am so sad about the killing in Nice, France because I had hoped for a longer break between killing and terror and hate acts. Lord, I ask that You would judge by Your cross my concept or expectation of peace and my right to rely on other people or spiritual powers besides You to explain or provide peace. Jesus I know that You are my peace. I ask You to forgive me for relying on anyone but You for my peace or expectation of peace. Jesus please heal, seal and deal within my salvation in You regarding peace. Please show me what Your peace really looks, feels and sounds like. Thank You Jesus for Your perfect peace and salvation. Amen
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 11 Notes

Have a Love Affair With Yourself

What a novel idea; one I had never considered. I assumed that this chapter would be full of new thoughts and maybe it would inspire a lot in me. I read this chapter 3 times…

6/24/2016

Many codependent people would never dream of treating others as they treat themselves. Other people would not let us. Our feelings of low self-worth cause us to not like ourselves or even consider loving ourselves.

  • We hate ourselves
  • We don’t like the way we look
  • We hate our bodies
  • We think we are stupid, incompetent, untalented and unloveable
  • We think our thoughts and feelings are wrong and inappropriate
  • We think we are unimportant and we don’t matter
  • We shame other people’s desires and plans
  • We think we are inferior and inappropriately odd
  • Inside our minds we constantly torture ourselves
  • Sometimes we punish ourselves openly and invite others to help us hate ourselves
  • We believe taking care of our needs and wants is selfish

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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 9-10 Notes

Chapter 9: Undependence

My mother needs me to depend on her. It is part of her codependence identity: approval seeking and need for other’s happiness because that is all she has.

I can’t be healthy and center my life around anyone else but God.

Ways to become Independent:

  1. Finish business from childhood to the best of our ability. Grieve. Gain perspective. Figure out how events from the past are still affecting life now.People who believe they are unloveable will treat you as though you are too.
  2. Nurture the inner child who is vulnerable, frightened and needy. She may not disappear. She may rear up at unexpected moments, whether provoked or not. Figure out what she needs.
  3. Stop looking for happiness in other people. Center life around yourself; our value and joy are inside ourselves. I don’t need approval or validation from others.
  4. Learn to depend on yourself. Be there for yourself. Don’t abandon yourself, needs, wants, feelings, life and spirit. Learn to solve problems or live with unsolved problems.
  5. Depend on God. He has never abandoned me. I abandoned me. He expects me to care for me.
  6. Strive for undependence. Examine the ways we depend on others emotionally and financially.

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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 6-7 Notes

Chapter 6: Don’t Be Blown About by Every Wind

Denial: Under-reacting to events that seem too big

Reactionary: Urgently and compulsively reacting in anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling, gestures, care taking acts, depression, desperation or fury to other people’s feelings, thinking, behaviors or problems and situations without thinking. Allowing emotions and behaviors to be controlled or triggered by our environment or other people.
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Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Codependent Characteristics from Chapter 4

CARETAKING CODEPENDENT CHARACTERISTICS

Codependents may:

    • think and feel responsible for other people—for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny.
    • feel anxiety, pity, and guilt when other people have a problem.
    • feel compelled—almost forced—to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
    • feel angry when their help isn’t effective.

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Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie Part 1 Notes

What’s Codependency, and Who’s Got It?

Chapter 1 & 2: Jessica’s Story & Other Stories

I did not identify with any specific stories in this chapter but I have identified with aspects of their codependency. I have sought relationships with people with food addiction, so we can either validate or succeed together. I have often tried to help addicts and many times I have based my wants and needs on the wants and needs of my main relationships. I often feel like my friends need me more than I need them – all my friends need something from me. Most people don’t enjoy me and I am cynical about their motives. People make me tired.
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The Isaiah 9:10 Judgement DVD

Recently Karen and I were loaned a copy of The Isaiah 9:10 Judgement DVD by a friend, who has watched lots of times and felt that we really needed to see it. So that is what we did on our day off, actually it played twice through because Karen had fallen asleep at the end and I was inspired to pray and search the bible for a few words about themes that I saw throughout the production. The editing team that created it made sure that it looped and so, in the end it was at least listened to twice in our house.

The Isaiah 9:10 Judgement DVD was written by Rabbi Jonathan Cahn to accompany his books The Harbinger and The Harbinger Companion.

On ChristianBook.com the Publisher’s Description for The Isaiah 9:10 Judgement states:
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