I Never Considered

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 16, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions

I never considered that there would come a time that I would end my therapy. I have had at least 2 mental breaks in my lifetime. I was smart enough to be able to fake enough balance that I didn’t end up confined. I know that would not have served me well. I am thankful that the people I kept close to me knew that too. My last one was the biggest and took me a long time to overcome because it happened at the same time that my body too was overwhelmed. Since 2014 I have been fighting for myself. Sometimes harder than others. I am not done. There is more to be done but my therapist told me yesterday that it may be time that I graduate out of therapy.

I am stunned.

I am overwhelmed and then I am not. I take my wellness seriously. I have made many changes. I make changes. I will keep making changes, gradually, because that is what works best for me.

When I began my session yesterday I mentioned that I had decided that I was done fighting with the voices in my head. That the voices of people that weren’t real because they were not in my life and they had to go. It had taken me a long time to realize it was all in my head and I had the power to tell them to go away. I had help. God helped me. When they snuck back in through dreams, I asked God to bless them and keep them away from me. I asked God to love them and give us all a good nights sleep. I trust that if God wants reconciliation between me and the real people, God will orchestrate this. I don’t have to make anything happen and I can trust that because God loves me and these characters more than I ever could, or they could. I believe that God will make the heart and mind changes happen so that we can see each other in all our humanness and forgive each other and have an authentic relationship without gossip and backbiting and other hateful habits that don’t show love.

My therapist told me it was time to update my treatment plan. But I couldn’t think of what that would be. She couldn’t suggest anything. She listened to what was on my mind and suggested that we give me the space of considering this until our next session. So I am talking about this with Karen G Clemenson. Who also seems surprised that I might be ready to graduate out. I don’t think either one of us considered there would be an end to therapy.

I asked my therapist about my medications. That scared me because I know when I don’t take them. They slow me down so I can remember my tools. The same tools that seem to be working so maybe I don’t need therapy anymore, or for at least this point in my life. She said that my psychiatrist would still meet with me and maintain that part of my treatment.

I know I should be happy for me. Part of me is starting to feel that. Part of me is also feeling a bit of satisfaction because I think I knew I was coming to this point. There is a quiet I am getting comfortable with that I have never had. I have learned that I can make boundaries. I can say no. I can say yes. I can say what I want. I can be me and not worry about if that offends because I know who I am. I like myself. I am not perfect at this but I am sure that this is what you practice as you live. Loving is not just for other people, it is for ourselves too.

The thought of not needing a therapist is new. I have had this therapist for a couple of years and I really like her. I like her because she doesn’t waste words or time. She is direct. She is what I needed. I trust her. When she told me that fighting with the voices in my head is a mental illness issue but the other things I worry about are normal things to worry about and not mental illness. I thought: I healed myself…I might be normal…whatever that means.

In the end I will miss my therapists’ affirmations of my choices but that is what I have God, Karen and Jamie Holloway for…it is the success I never considered. That is part of self-love too.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Book Review: The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 15, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Opinions

I did not pick this book out. My wife did. She was advised by a friend to look at Reconstruction so she brought The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine home from the library. I had just helped her bring about 10 books home…and not any light reads but big, thick and heavy duty reads. This book is very overdue. I watched her squeak in moments where she could try to absorb the vast history in this book and got more and more interested but she works a lot and I eventually saw that she was not going to finish it, so once I had read all the other books, I picked it up. It took me over a month to read it. I am very sensitive. Slavery and White Supremacy hurt my heart but it is part of our history and I am glad I read this book. I even ended up purchasing this book so that Karen can read it at her pace and I might even read it again. Levine did a good job.

Andrew Johnson was our 17th president. He lost his father when he was only 3 years old. He never went to school but he taught himself to read and write. He was apprenticed to a tailor before he was 10 years old. He lived in North and South Carolina as a boy and moved to Greenville, Tennessee when he was 16 years old. When he was 18 years old, he opened his own tailor shop, got married and continued to self-educate himself at the Greenville College. He enjoyed public speaking, history and politics.

Johnson was as Jacksonian Democrat
Johnson was a Town alderman in 1829
He served as Mayor
Johnson served in the Tennessee State legislature in 1841
He served in Congress in 1843
Johnson was a Senator for Tennessee in 1857
He became Vice President in 1865

Frederick Douglass was freed slave, self-educated and an activist known for his powerful speeches against slavery and for equal Civil Rights for all. He believed that the United States Constitution was a pro-slavery document and electing antislavery politicians into offices was good sense. Douglass was not impressed with President Lincoln when he first knew him and through much of 1962. Lincoln and Martin R. Delany advocated for Black emigration to places like Liberia, Central America and Africa at the choice of the Black person. Douglass believed that Black Americans deserved to live in the country they helped to build.

Douglass appreciated Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863, however, he wasn’t positive that Lincoln was going to abolish slavery in the Confederate states and he also believed that Reconstruction had not begun to be considered. However, Douglass supported and recruited Black troops for the Union and met with Lincoln to inspire him to pay Black troops equally what White troops were being paid. Douglas heard that education would be amiss for the formerly enslaved Black people. He also knew that race relations would require help. Black people would remain “enslaved” by White people that would not respect their humanity and freedom.

Black people were not considered United States citizens in 1864, although about 200,000 Black Americans fought in the Union Army during the Civil War.. Freeing slaves meant nothing if Black Americans had no rights and protections under the law. President Lincoln wanted to restore states to the Union, while Congress wanted to Reconstruct the formerly seceded states. Lincoln and Johnson, at one time, agreed that restoration was a job to be overseen by the president and not Congress, but as Douglass continued to speak out about reasons for deeper changes, Lincoln was gaining more and more of Douglass’ hope of success. Lincoln had begun seeking the counsel from Douglass in 1864.

In Lincoln’s last address he stated:

That the Southern states had in fact seceded, but they would be re-aligned in proper relationship with the Union — This opinion differed from his Vice President.
All states in the Union would support the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery.
He wanted states to consider Black suffrage and at least allow Black soldiers who had fought for the Union to be given the right to vote.
He also stated the benefit of public schools equally to Black and White students.

Abraham Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth on April 14th. The President died on April 15, 1865. This is the day that Andrew Johnson became President of the United States.

Johnson did not believe in Southern secession. He believed a person could secede but not a state.
Johnson called for an end of slavery during the Civil War.
Johnson loved being known as “Moses” to Black people
He had made many statements about punishing Southern traitors
Slavery was abolished by the 13th Amendment and Lincoln’s Republicans were ready for Reconstruction but Johnson felt that was a job solely for the President to oversee.

Congress wanted a full Reconstruction which meant that all Confederate leaders would be stripped of their positions. Plantation owners would lose parcels of their land to give to freed people. Political and social equality would be given to freed people.

For 5 years Johnson had written and spoken in conjunction with some of these ideals yet within a month of his presidency he announced in his Amnesty Proclamation that he would offer pardons to nearly anyone who asked for them. He would restore Confederate states and their leaders, as they had always been and he, alone, would over see Reconstruction. To be allowed back into good standing with to the Union all the ex-Confederate states had to do was make a statement of loyalty to the United States, ratify the 13th Amendment (although they were allowed to perceive the Amendment however they saw fit) and they had to make a statement of regret that they had seceded the Union (even though Johnson didn’t believe they had seceded.)

Johnson believed that slavery had caused the Civil War and since slavery was abolished with the 13th Amendment, there was no war. No war, meant no Reconstruction — just a quick restoration of the 11 ex-Confederate states he was overseeing.

The 13th Amendment left Black American’s rights and citizenship up to the perception of each state. This quickly made a bad situation worse for many Black Americans. Senator Charles Sumner, Congressman Thaddeus Stevens and U.S. Secretary of the Interior, Carl Schurz all communicated with Johnson about the freed people that were falling by the hand of White people. All were ignored.

The 14th Amendment was ratified on July 28, 1868. It granted citizenship and equal civil and legal rights to Black Americans and freed slaves that had been born in the United States. The Amendment did not apply to Native Americans. It also left room for states to their own due process of the law which left Black people with little protections.

Douglass had thought Black people should be suddenly be treated equal in every way but as President Johnson was not addressing Reconstruction or pushing equal rights at a Federal level, he began to understand the need for Black organizations to form in order to educate fellow Black people and push for equal rights.

On February 19, 1866 President Johnson vetoed Congress’ extension of the Refugees, Freedmen and Abandoned Lands AKA Freedman’s Bureau. Congress rallied and got the votes to keep the Freedman’s Bureau active a little while longer.

Located in Washington D.C. and throughout ex-Confederate states
Offered services to about 4 million freed people in the South
Distributed food and clothing
Medical Assistance
Legal protection and guidance on contracts
Tried to make sure Blacks were fairly compensated for their work
Set up schools and training institutes
Confiscated lands from the Southern plantation owners for redistribution to the thousands of formerly enslaved people
Offered police protection for free people

Johnson also vetoed the Congress’ Civil Right’s Act, affirming that all native born people (except Native Americans) were citizens of the United States. Congress overrode that veto also.

The Memphis Riot of 1866 (Memphis Massacre) took place May 1-3.

Over 45 Black people were killed and hundreds were injured
2-3 White people were killed. One was killed for talking to Black people. The others were killed with their own weapons.
Was begun by a false rumor that a Black soldier had killed a White police officer
Police and a White mob burned the Black churches, schools and residences, shot randomly at Black people and raped Black women.

Many people felt this confirmed President Johnson’s fears of race wars and blamed Black people. However many media outlets and Radical Republicans cast the blame on White policemen and the Johnson Administration.

On July 30, 1866 unarmed Black Delegates marched to the Mechanics Institute in New Orleans. Their goal was to make the state’s constitution more inclusive. When they reached the institute, White police officers and other aggressive White mobsters shouted insults back and forth and the police began shooting their guns. Although the Black people wove white flags of surrender, the police shot all the men.

The mayor and city officials refused to step in
48 Black people died and over 200 were wounded
White supporters were also killed
Wounded Black Delegates were arrested and charged with inciting a riot
Not one White person was charged with murder

When Johnson vetoed the Freedman’s Bureau Bill and The Civil Rights Bill, he lost support of his own party in Congress. The riots had made things worse. While giving a speech in Cleveland, Ohio on September 3, 1866, someone heckled Johnson, placing some of the blame for the riot in New Orleans on him. Johnson’s infuriated response was reprinted nationwide.

As people continued to lay blame on the president he continued to lay blame on the Republicans and Freedman’s Bureau, stating that their policies made slaves of White people. This is what caused the topic of impeachment to come up. People didn’t care for Johnson’s violent talk against other leaders. They also felt he lacked the decorum expected of a United States President…Reading about our 17th president does seem reminiscent of our 45th president.

The 14th Amendment gave birth right citizenship and equal rights to Black Americans but not suffrage. Douglass could understand how a person with equal rights could constitutionally take the right to vote away from another person.

January 5, 1867 President Johnson vetoed Washington D.C.’s Franchise Law, granting voting rights to Black men. Congress overrode his veto.

Reasons given by many for impeachment of President Johnson:

Drunken behavior
Racist efforts to undermine Reconstruction
Usurping the power of the Legislative Branch
Many blamed Johnson for loss of life in Memphis and New Orleans

None of these were reasons for Johnson’s impeachment. On February 24, 1868 Johnson was impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors. Johnson was impeached because he ignored a law that made it illegal for him to fire anyone whose appointment had been approved by the Senate. Namely, Secretary of War, Edwin M. Stanton in February of 1868. The law was part of The Tenure of Office Act Congress had created to constrain Johnson’s ability to fire and hire high-level officials. It was created after he had vetoed 2 Reconstruction Acts that Congress had had to overthrow. Johnson not only fired Stanton but replaced him with Lorenzo Thomas without Congressional approval.

Johnson vetoed that Freedman’s Bureau because he believed it was each state’s obligation to aid and protect Black people and not the Federal government. He argued that Black people had the same protection as White people in the ex-Confederate states. Congress overrode his vetoes so Johnson used his presidential power to protect Southern white landowners and fired bureau officials.

To impeach President Johnson, prosecutors from the House of Representatives would have to prove he had violated the terms of the Tenure of Office Act. Regardless of how many people felt about Reconstruction, the focus of the articles of impeachment were based mainly on the Tenure of Office Act and public opinion had to stay out as much as possible. There was one argument: it was illegal for Johnson to fire a Senate appointee while Senate was not in session. But that was only one of many little arbitrary arguments made during the trial.

Black Americans wanted Johnson to be convicted for being the “demented Moses of Tennessee.” He had promised to be a leader but was truly an oppressor who brought death and suffering to freed people. Benjamin Butler tried to argue against Johnson’s policies regarding Reconstruction but the judge would not hear his arguments.

Douglass saw impeachment of Johnson as a challenge to White Supremacy. He felt that Black Male Suffrage was the best way to fight White Supremacists. Douglass supported Women’s Suffrage but not at the expense of Black Male Suffrage and delaying reforms he had been advocating since the Civil War.

Douglass was upset that Republicans had failed to provide a fast impeachment but had wasted time arguing over technicalities. He felt that a conviction would mean, “that the fair South shall no longer be governed by Regulators and the Ku-Klux Klan, but by fair and impartial law.” Douglass’ reference to Regulators was he he coined other White Supremacist groups.

The Republican Party became known for Reconstruction. They also became known for economic conservatism.

Johnson was acquitted by his party but he did not have their support for a 2nd term. Ulysses S. Grant and Schuyler Colfax would run and win as the 18th President and Vice President of the United States of American. Both men supported Black Suffrage but it was not included in the party platform.

The Democrats chose Horatio Seymour who was very racist and opportunistic. Frank P. Blair would have been his Vice President, had Seymour won. That fact that the Democrats could put forward potential leaders who hated Black Americans just as the 13th and 14th Amendments were ratified outraged Frederick Douglass and proved there was much more work to do.

Andrew Johnson was acquitted but the rest of his presidency was pretty futile, however the Democratic Party, which he now aligned himself with, had grown in size throughout that United States. When he returned to Tennessee in 1869, he tried to run for positions but no one wanted to vote for him. In 1875 he returned to Washington, D.C.:

Democrats were the majority party
Black Americans had achieved some representation in Congress and State House Representatives
The 15th Amendment allowed all United States citizens the right to vote
Grant created the Department of Justice to prosecute the Ku Klux Klan
Naturalization Act of 1870 allowed for people of African descent to apply for United States citizenship

Johnson was welcomed back to Congress and sworn in, only to serve a short time. He died of a stroke only 4 months later. Until his death Johnson recommended a path of moderation and calmness toward changes between the races.

Some say that President Johnson failed at Reconstruction but that is not the view of Levine. The United States failed. There was just too much history to overcome by one war and 3 amendments. You can’t legislate humanity. I believe we are still working on Reconstruction. Much like this book review, which is not really a book review but a diagram of historic events, sometimes you have to take the long way.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Failed Promise: Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My wife picked this book out but couldn’t finish it, so I did. It was a heavy topic and I had to take several breaks. I also had to Google some topics that Levine didn’t explain well but overall I thought it was a great book and I intend to buy a copy so I can go through it again and my wife can read it without time constraints. Reconstruction is a broad part of United States’ history and one I think we are still going through it.

View all my reviews

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Addressing Mental Health Issues

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 23, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Education, Life

Years ago I was at my friend’s house. My friend and their spouse had only begun addressing mental health issues with their spouse which had the potential to be a danger to them. I don’t remember if they had begun trying to find the right meds yet or not. Just because you start the process of finding medications, doesn’t mean that things get better. It took me several years to find the right blend and we still adjust my medications every once and a while and every person is different. My friend’s spouse has very different diagnosis’ than I do and a very different body. They had broken out in a terrible fight while I was there. The kind where the police might have been needed to bring peace back to the neighborhood because my friend’s spouse didn’t always keep the fights indoors.

One thing that I always respected about my friend’s spouse is that they tried to keep the fights away from their child. In response to the fight, I chose to check on their child, who was wide awake in their bed. They were scared. I sat on the side of the child’s bed and held their hand. I answered their questions. Their parents loved them and each other they just weren’t feeling well right now. We sat quietly and let our tears run down our cheeks until my friend came to let us know that everything was ok now.

Before Jesus came to find me, when I was 5, I never had anyone to hold my hand when the fighting started on the other side of the wall. The characters in my past were not that different than my friend and their spouse. One had the same diagnosis as my friend’s spouse and the other was raised trying to keep the peace and needing to be the provider. We all are Emotional Neglect Survivors and I have been in survival mode all my life.

I was born overly sensitive. I see, hear, taste, and feel things that go unnoticed by many; I always have. I am uncommon. Because I am overly sensitive I was perfect to be the scapegoat and I didn’t get my needs met because I naturally had an overly developed sense of responsibility for others…but not myself. Being a child of divorce, I had two camps and 3 parental figures and they were all, at one time, the scapegoat — at least that is what I can observe. If I keep peeling back the layers, I see that my great-grandparents were immigrants on both sides of my family. If that isn’t a test tube for dysfunction, I don’t what is. Every generation of my family is hard-working, strong, generous, creative, intelligent but there are cracks, as in any family. Some dysfunctional behaviors can be made to look so pretty you don’t realize they are a culture you pass down. I was told by a character in my past that if I am the only one bothered by something, it is my problem.

The truth is I am too sensitive for the petri dish I was raised in. I am not angry about it. I really have forgiven what I believe the characters in my past didn’t know what they were doing, in fact they had no intention of doing. The one dynamic of my past I don’t miss at all is gossip. Rarely did someone talk to me until a small situation was so morphed it was no longer true. Of course I would become enraged. I was only called to do something for someone. I can’t pretend it never hurt to be shown all the pictures of events I didn’t know about, while I showed them pictures of their dog I was watching so they could go…and they would be shocked to learn how much their dog enjoyed the fresh slices of sweet potatoes I gave them.

Why wouldn’t I want to go to the beach? To the park? To dance competitions? The kids’ school performances? Their birthday parties?

Off and on for 42 years I have been in different kinds of therapy…yes even as a small child. As a young adult, I became even more diligent for the last 27 years. I have been labeled lots of things in the last 9 years. Mental and physical. Some labels that were not available when I was a child when many of my issues were showing up. How can I be angry at parents that didn’t know that children could have chronic migraines? Neurodivergent wasn’t coined until 1998…(Social anxiety, Sensory processing issues, OCD are just a few I have always had). For whatever reason the people raising me did not hear me when I tried to tell them things. They didn’t listen to me enough that I quit telling them and so I did not get the help I needed. Honestly, I don’t think they had the ability to hear me. They had their own traumas that were never dealt with, their own physical and mental pains that were never healed because no one knew the term Emotional Neglect until recently. They were taught to work and that is what they did.

In the last 9 years, I have had numerous therapists. All of them told me to separate myself from the characters of my past. I didn’t want to. But I have. There are so many holes in my memory but I have a part of me I call Anna. She remembers my emotions. I am missing a lot of memories. I was in such intense survival mode, I hardly remember high school. I am sure it was great and that the people I went to school with were wonderful, but there are very few I remember. It is hard to have whole parts of my life gone. What is worse — walking into a room of people, you hardly see, and be flooded with emotions you can’t pinpoint. In the last year or so, I have begun having memories return as my brain has been able to heal. The meds and having a peaceful life is helping.

But I realize that there are nights I don’t sleep because I am tormented by conversations that never happened or situations that I am not sure happened because Anna wants to be justified for all these feelings she holds for characters that live in my head because I don’t hold space for them in my real life. I didn’t let the love go away but I had to let room for healing happen. I have to let them go if I am going to have quiet in my mind or any chance and reconciliation of any kind. I can’t get rid of Anna but I can parent her. She needs me to hold her hand and let the tears run down our cheeks sometimes. She needs to be told that I love her and we are choosing peace because the characters of our past didn’t know how to teach us that, but Jesus does.

So I have been thinking about how to let in more air and light. I can’t change anyone but me. I must change how I think because my thoughts are stealing my peace. I wouldn’t let my friend’s child continue to imagine negative things about their friends at school without suggesting some wisdom. I would tell them what my preschool teacher, Teacher Lou said: “If someone is mean to you, play with someone else.” This philosophy has worked for me in many situations. Anna doesn’t need to play with imagined characters and neither do I. If what I am feeling is a real memory that needs to be forgiven or sat with, we can do that, but if it is imagined then I am going to let them go. Either way we will ask Jesus to bless them and give us all good night’s sleep.

Just like any mental health issue the path continues; it never just gets better. Chronic is what chronic does so we learn to dance and move the best we can. Be kind. Be smart.

The Lingering Harm of Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb Ph.D. for Psychology Today
Neurodivergent by Cleveland Clinic
Book Review that isn’t a Book Review: Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 20, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

I first heard about the book, Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, when I was reading The Reading List by Sara Nisha Adams. It was then that I committed to reading all the books listed in that book. I found this one at The Longview Public Library.

I was so excited to find this book but I made the mistake of having a list of 5 books to pick up that day when I went to the library. I also had asked them about another book that I had forgotten about, that was finally available…and of course the ones that called to me while I was walking around. I brought home a lot of books. By the time I got to this one I had gone through some really heavy reads, not to mention some really heavy living of my own. It doesn’t usually take me a month to read a 477 page book but that is how long it took me to read this one. What did I learn? I will only plan ahead to pick up 1 book when I go to the library from now on.

This book is amazing in that it covers so many topics. It is a love story. It is an immigration story. It is a coming of age story. It talks about politics, governments, history, cultures and all while explaining all the characters in Americanah. Adichie was able to help me get over my dislike of romantic novels by helping me learn to love the characters and understand why they did what they did in such an honest way. Although it took a while to catch me, eventually, I was caught and couldn’t wait to pick up the book to see what was going to happen next.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Adichie writes about humanity in such authentic voice that is both bold and gentle, depending on what is necessary. I am not a big reader of romance novels, generally, and it did take me a moment to fall in love with Ifemelu and Obinze as a couple but Adichie did so well at building them us as characters on their own journey that the book finally held me and called me again and again until I could not separate myself from this book. Being human is hard no matter where you live.

View all my reviews

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

The Last Time I Saw Him

by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 21, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions

The last time I saw him on purpose was because my niece had invited me to her graduation from high school. I will do anything I am able to do for my nieces and nephews and they know it. They were my reason for showing up; they had been for years. Each of them hold a piece of my heart.

It had been a hard and expensive week. We were living with friends because we didn’t make enough money to rent our own place. My niece had also invited us to her last ballet, which we had gone to a few nights earlier and then come home. Traveling is very hard with my disabilities so this night we had booked a room at a hotel in Marysville, Washington.

This day we had come to town in time to meet for lunch. I was excited to see my oldest nephew, since he does not answer my attempts to communicate. I threw my arms around my 6 foot tall, purple haired, adult nephew, that I haven’t seen in a few years, who announced he is bisexual…I totally don’t care…so I told him to hug me, and then I met his boyfriend. My youngest nephew was also there, I also hadn’t seen him in a few years and I was so excited to see him and hug him too. I was eager to place myself in the middle of the tables to face them and my niece, who was sitting close to her grandmother, to hear what they had to say about life.

I could feel opposing energies from either end of the table where my parents and one of my siblings sat and my another sibling and her spouse sat. We were still adjusting meds for me and I was trying to not crawl out of my skin. The stress from my step-mother and younger sibling was so large it almost needed its own room. I didn’t have words for them. I hadn’t had words for them for some time. I was still friendly with my older sibling.

When we left we had planned to check into our hotel and then go over to my older sibling’s house to visit but when you are chronic you don’t always have full control of what your body is going to do. I sat on the bed and passed out. I woke up, barely in time to go to the graduation.

My older sibling has lived in Marysville for several years but I have only learned the areas she has lived in, the houses she had lived in and the grocery stores and shopping centers we go to. We tended to stay at her house when I have come to visit. I did not know the arena we were going to for my niece’s graduation or the busy area around it. The parking was hard. There were lots of family members that came for the event and lots of businesses around the building. We ended up parking about 4 or 5 blocks away from the event center.

I was so tired already and by the time we reached the graduation, people were moving out of the way and offering me disabled seating. I looked a bit rough. I don’t do well in the sun or the heat, let alone being exhausted before a walk. Thank God I remembered my cane. While we waited I could see my family, a few rows beneath us. They looked up at us and waved. I read faces, but I could be wrong, so I will leave it at that.

The ceremony was wonderful. The school did a great job celebrating each student. Afterward we were speed walking towards the end of the building (I didn’t know this would be part of the event) to reach my niece. She was leaving shortly for a trip with her graduating class. It was a big building. I wake up in pain so you can imagine how the pain had continued to get worse throughout the day; Fibromyalgia, Lymphedema and Psoriatic and Osteoarthritis are not friendly…Generalized Anxiety Disorder can be quite a bear too, luckily so far, PTSD had decided to stay home.

I was so thankful I was able to hug my niece and tell her how proud I was of her. That was the point of all of that day.

After she was gone, we all filtered outside, but I was disoriented and I didn’t have it in me to act as though I were well as usual. I was trying to hold myself together and Karen and I tried to remember what direction our car was. No one was talking to us so we had walked away from the group and began looking at the streets and trying to remember the way we came.

My father came up to me and thanked me for coming. He hugged me. Unlike usual I didn’t try to be strong. I didn’t have it in me. I said, “I hurt.” I heard the little girl voice come out that shows itself when I am super tired. My father didn’t hold on like you see fathers on TV. He jumped back. He did ask where our car was. When we told him we didn’t know. He said he had to go get his and ran away.

I always hoped my dad would be like Charles Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie. In some ways he is. He has the work ethic. But he is not the nurturer.

My father has spent his life running from me. At least that is the way I feel. For my birthday this year, my step-mother filled out a card that said they loved me with the obligatory check. Yet they have never sent a get well card, email, or letter. I suppose they are angry that I wont let them call me but I have a phobia of the phone. Our phone calls are always stressful anyway, no matter who called.

I mailed the check back. I wrote a note saying that I had never wanted any of his things or his money, I wanted relationship. I wanted him to show that he was interested in me. But I was tired of waiting and I asked him to please let me go.

I don’t believe that all my parents tried to fail me. I think they did the best they could. But they left me alone a lot. Too much. Thankfully God never left me alone. It is because of God that I can forgive them and be thankful for what each of them has taught me, but I don’t have to continue to be feel rejected or left alone. And that is why I want to be left alone.

God is my true Father. He has always been with me and kept every promise.

I am thankful for my real Father that has known me before He made me and has helped me and continues to help me as I heal from being an emotional neglect and abuse survivor.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 30, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

I didn’t mean to check out Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel from the library. I had read it years ago but as I walked passed it, it called to me and I am so glad I answered it’s call. Especially because it isn’t anything like what I remember. I don’t know that is from illness or that I have changed so much that I process things differently, but I remember loving this book back then, and I love it now.

Like Water for Chocolate is a magical book. Tita, the main character, is a cook and how she feels affects the way people feel when they eat her food. This can be a good thing or very bad thing. In the book we watch Tita grow in the confines of strict family tradition, while surrounded by such magic that the dreams and food are fantastic. Throughout the book are fabulous recipes and dramatic descriptions of the De la Garza Ranch in Mexico while the country is at war.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Simply magical. I loved it!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Go to the Doctor

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 29, 2022 | Chronic Illness, Community, Education, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Wellness

This morning I was having my morning scroll on Facebook and I saw a lovely lady that I used to work with was suffering with sinus pain and she was desperate. So desperate that she had asked people on Facebook what she should do to get relief. In frustration I typed what I type for every post I see that is similar to this one: Go to the doctor.

People have often asked me if I have Googled my symptoms…because I always have many. I don’t rely on the internet for knowledge because you don’t have to have a degree or any experience at all to write an article or to get the attention of others to validate you. If I were a celebrity, I could say anything and you might believe me. But since I am a normal person with chronic illness, my knowledge comes from personal experience and visits to my primary doctor and specialists and reading what they give me. Sometimes I back that up with articles on the Mayo Clinic site or other reputable sites, but I get most of my information from medical professionals because they know more than I do, I take a lot of prescriptions and I have a lot of sensitivities so over the counter medications are not always acceptable options for me. If I do ask a friend a question, it is my wife, Karen G Clemenson, or my sister, Jamie Holloway. Why? Because Karen goes to my appointments with me and she lives with me and she might remember something I don’t and Jamie has been chronic longer than me and she had experienced things I haven’t and I respect her input.

Even with all this experience we have, Karen and Jamie and I all ask each other: How long should you live with this before you see your doctor?

We didn’t used to say this to each other. We were raised by parents that were poor and didn’t see the doctor when they needed to and were proud to bear their pain. We learned to handle pain and sickness but even though Karen has the immune system straight from heaven, Jamie and I do not and we can’t ignore pain and sickness anymore. Neither do we encourage others to do so. I know sometimes it is hard to find a doctor that you trust but keep trying. Maybe you just need to go a few more times; they might be having a hard day or be a little shy. Doctors are human too.

Maybe you need more than your primary can offer. That is another conversation you need to have with your primary. If that headache is not going away or it is so severe you can function, maybe you need to see a neurologist or ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT). In these cases, you need to ask for a referral, if your primary isn’t offering one. The way the medical system is set up, especially in Longview, Washington, you must advocate for yourself. You have to come with questions and know the limitations of your primary. Seeing a specialist is more money and time but you are worth it. Your health is worth it.

So next time you’re not feeling well and it lasts longer than you can bear or longer than a week. Go to the doctor!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 28, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Life, Opinions

I am glad I didn’t purchase this book, as I had planned, but found Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy at the library instead. This book was a hard read. It was negative, I think it could have been organized better and I learned very little more than what I already knew about the N-word. The book was only 176 pages long and it took me forever to read because I just didn’t want to.

The word Nigger is derived from the Latin word for the color black; niger. According to the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. Nigger was not originally meant as a negative term but somewhere between 1619 when John Rolf recorded in his journal the first shipment of Africans to Virginia, and in 1837, when in A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States, and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them, Hosea Easton wrote that nigger “is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [Blacks] as an inferior race.” Chapter 1

In 1985 social psychologists tested groups of White college students judging Black and White debaters. After the debates people nearby spoke of the Black contestants as niggers, or in a non-racial way, but negative way, and some made no comment at all. The psychologists found that the speakers that were slurred tended to have lower scores than the other debaters. This led them to believe this could have an effect on parole board hearings, promotion committee meetings, and jury deliberations. Chapter 2

Three Theories About the Use of the N-Word:

The long and ugly history of the white racist and subordination of Black Americans should disqualify Whites from using this word.
The equity earned through oppression grants Blacks cultural ownership rights so they should be allowed to monopolize on the slur’s cultural capital.
White people do not have enough intimate knowledge of Black culture to use the N-word properly.

In one part of the book there are lists of rhymes and songs that were popular at some point in time. I was raised in a white family and in a white town. My parents were careful about what I watched on TV. I didn’t hear or see the N-word until I was old enough to look it up in the dictionary. I was surprised when I saw a familiar rhyme in this book but it had a word in it that was wrong. I never liked this rhyme because I wouldn’t want to catch anything by it’s toe. I didn’t want to hurt anything and I imagine that it would hurt to be caught by your toe. Sometimes it is fun to be “little girls” my wife and I asked her about this rhyme, hoping she could remember the word:

When she got to “nigger” her whole countenance changed as if someone had stepped on her shoulders. When she saw the shock in my face, she said “Tiger.”

My wife wasn’t raised in a white family or a white town. I forget that sometimes. I wish I hadn’t asked her about that rhyme because obviously someone had used those words to demean her and take her beautiful smile off her face. Now I really hate that rhyme.

On a side note, I never forgot what that dictionary at the school library said the meaning of the word nigger was: a four legged animal. I can’t find a dictionary that says that anymore.

In our home we don’t use the N-word unless we are talking about the use of it. We understand that some black households believe that they have the right to the ownership of it but in the mixing of cultures it too easy to misread a room. We agree that using the word nigger stops us from moving forward. It is important to know our history, learn from it and to not hide our history, but we don’t need to warp it and wear it like a blanket filled with holes and rot.

“The persistent viability of the N-word in the Black community, is a scar from centuries of cultural racism.” Professor Halford, H Fairchild, Chapter 3

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Nigger The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was a hard read. I felt like it could have been organized better. The topic, itself, was hard and I don’t really feel like I learned anything.

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 15, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

Tilo is the Mistress of Spices. She currently resides in Oakland, California where she sells grocery items and spices, some meant to cure people’s troubles. Her Teacher knew she was too rebellious and independent to be a perfect Mistress but she let her take her place and make her choice.

She was not to leave her store.
Se was not to touch anyone or let them touch her.
She was not to care to much or too little, but the same for everyone in her store.
She must only serve others, never herself.

Her Teacher told her that must only let the spices lead her and if she worries beyond the walls of her store she will become overwhelmed. At night she can listen to the wishes of her customers:

I found The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni while looking for other books at the library and it called to me. This story reminds me a little of The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner in that the spices had a magic and a cost to those who used it. The Mistress is able to help people but she has trouble living with the consequences and the customer’s choices so she begins to break the rules and in the end she must make a big choice about her own life.

I found this story to be refreshing and I couldn’t put this book down.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I found this book by accident at the library…but maybe there are no accidents. I loved this book. It was full of imagination, culture, hope, sadness and any number of emotions. I could not put this book down.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Holiday Peace and Joy

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 14, 2022 | Essential Oils, Life, Marketing, Opinions

Merry Christmas! I wish you Holiday Peace and Joy at this beautiful time of year that is celebrated for many reasons by many types of people and religions and I hope you all feel blessed.

I want to tell you a cute story about my cat. I have been using Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils for 11 years and I am not sure how many times I have been asked if they are safe for cats but, as a person who has been learning as I went, so has my cat. Xavier (pronounced Javier) is very much like his particular and opinionated mommy. He likes things the way he likes them and when Xavier is not happy, no one is happy. I am used to getting up at least once in the night to give him his 5 am feeding (he has IBS and is a compulsive eater) and love on him which is just as important for my anxious little guy. We play music at night because Xavier demands it but he has also grown accustomed to the diffuser.

The other night was not like other nights: We had cuddled. He had been fed. I made sure the bathtub was slowly dripping (he wont drink sitting water). The music was still playing and I was trying to separate myself to go back to bed but Xavier would not have it. He sat on the floor looking at me and grunting until I realized that the diffuser had gone dry.

After I was done laughing; I mean what else can you do? I refilled the defuser and put On Guard in it…that is his favorite oil. How do I know? He will lay on the floor beneath the diffuser for a bit and then run around the room and play and then come back to the diffuser and take a nap…

So the main rule is that the cat needs to be able to get away from the oil. Don’t apply oils to the cat directly or give them to the cat internally. Wash your hands after you have been working with oils to keep them from licking the oils off your hands. Cats have very different metabolisms than humans do and ingesting certain oils can be lethal. But diffusing is the safest way to use oils around cats because they are diluted by the water.

Now back to Holiday Peace and Holiday Joy…These are seasonal oils that doTERRA puts out and they are lovely. Here is my trick. I have never made a point of buying both of them until this year and when I got them I tried them in the diffuser individually and thought they were lovely but what I really enjoyed was putting them together with a little Peppermint…that was the Golden Ticket. Talk about smelling the holidays! I highly suggest this combination!

If you have any questions about Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils please Contact Me.

From my family to yours, we hope that you are blessing during this season.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 13, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions

The first time I read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, I was about 9-years-old. I was visiting my aunt and uncle in Massachusetts and I had brought it along with me. It was a book that my grandmother had bought for my mother and aunt when they were girls. It was the first real chapter book I had really read. I was so excited after I had finished this book the first time that I also read Jack and Jill, also by Louisa May Alcott and a 500 page book about Helen Keller (I don’t remember the name of it), all in a months time. I had been bit by the book bug.

I think it helped that my aunt took my cousins and I to the library every week and we had times where we just looked at books. We had books at my house and like my aunt’s house, we had a big book shelf full of books and baskets with books in them and my mother read to us, but I think the library was the clincher for me. That magical place with so many books. It feels like magic in there for me. I feel excited in a library or a good book store.

I have tried to read this book again but I had trouble getting into it at different times. I don’t have that original copy with me at this time so I tried to download it onto my Kindle, but I have decided I hate reading on my Kindle. It hurts my wrists to hold it up and I don’t want to spend money to find a better case so it is just gathering dust until I decide what to do with it. I like to read real books so after reading The Reading List I was inspired to give Little Women another go and found it at my local library.

I am convinced that the copy of Little Women, that I read 37 years ago, was a condensed copy. First, it was much smaller than this huge book sitting next to me with 520 pages in it. Second, even with accounting for some of my memories being washed away by the many movie versions of this book that I have seen, there are so many details about the characters that I can’t recall at all. Both of these details make me glad that I checked this book out at the library.

That summer I visited in Massachusetts wasn’t just special because I got bit by the reading bug…and many bugs…it is very humid there…but we also went to see The Concord House where the Alcott Family lived. It was very special to see the drawings on the walls, the stories written by Alcott, the music sheets, needlepoint and other arts that that the Alcott Family all created. It made the book come alive to me. I thought about that several times as I read about their adventures.

I loved the intimacy they all held for each other. I love how Alcott took time to develop each character in a specific and loving way. The book was written during the Civil War, yet she doesn’t develop which war it is, just how important it is to support our troops, with all we have. There is gossip of bias between well-off British and United States citizens and the March girls just don’t entertain those thoughts, they just keep moving forward because they don’t have time for such folly. Each disagreement is brought back around to the well-being of their sister or friend in such a generous way, it was so refreshing to read this especially near Christmas time, this may be a book I read again near Christmas more frequently. I believe this book has blessings for anyone who reads it.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I first read this book when I was 9-years-old and 37 years later it still amazing!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: There There a Novel by Tommy Orange

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 12, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

Among the brokenness, addiction and poverty there sings a sings a song of strength, family and power on every page of There There a Novel by Tommy Orange. I am glad I found this book as I wandered the isles of the library. The stories of 12 Native American people as they traveled through life with little to anchor them were both sad and yet they kept moving forward.

This book left me feeling a lot. I could not bring myself to take notes but just absorb the pain of each character as they went through life disconnected from their past and the legacy of their people, not knowing who was safe to trust or not. I was saddened and reminded of the fact that Black people were just as scared of medical professionals when it came to serious medical conditions because of atrocities that were done against them, as characters in the book let cancer take them without treatment.

In the end, confused children brought the story to a sad end, yet in some way family still prevailed, whether they knew it or not. This book was a powerful read.

I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of There There a Novel by Tommy Orange on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

There There by Tommy Orange
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book really pulled at my heart. Tommy Orange successfully created characters that I could believe and love. I could feel their pain and confusion at times, but always their strength.

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 2, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

When I was growing up one of the very few shows my mother allowed me to watch was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and I watched it every chance I got, even through high school. Mr. Roger’s slow speech and gentle way of explaining things was a welcome change of the world around me that seemed to go too fast. It is refreshing to know that Mr. Rogers was naturally like himself but that he also took the time to train himself to speak to children at their level. I know he was a kindred spirit to myself and many, as we can learn, in great detail in The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King.

Fred McFeely Rogers was born on March 20, 1928 at his maternal grandparent’s home. He was raised in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. His mother’s delivery was very difficult and her doctor advised Roger’s parents against another pregnancy. Roger’s parents took this advice and when he was 11-years-old, his parents adopted his sister, Nancy Elaine Rogers (Crozier), who they called Laney.

Roger’s family had a hand in building much of the wealth in their community. Whey they were not working, they were volunteering, helping with fundraisers and writing checks or sending food baskets to families that needed help. Although they were well-off they were not pretentious.

Rogers had a very sheltered life from his over-protective mother, which only encouraged his naturally withdrawn nature. His family was devoted to faith, hard work and philanthropy and these thing were important to Rogers as well. Although he had trouble fitting in with his peers. He enjoyed reading, listening to music, puppetry, artistry and practicing his love for the piano. Even as a child he would perform puppet shows for his friends and he would pay close attention to see what they enjoyed most.

Faith, independence and music had helped Rogers develop his creative and artistic personality.

Rogers was so excited about television as it came to fruition. He saw it as an amazing medium for education. He saw it as a great way to engage children in a positive way. That is what he hoped it would be, until it became a tool for selling.

In 1953 Rogers got an opportunity to be on the ground floor of educational television on public television back in his home town. So he and his wife moved to Pittsburgh. Although he enjoyed his work at NBC, his only way up now was to become an executive and he knew he wanted to remain creative.

While working on the public television show, The Children’s Corner, Rogers remained devoted to becoming a minister. In 1955 he began studying, part-time at seminary while he continued to work.

Rogers and his wife welcomed their first son, Jim in 1959, Their second son, John was born in 1961.

Rogers earned his Master of Divinity, Magna Cum Laude, after 8 years of study in 1963. During the time he was studying for seminary, Rogers was also studying child development under the tutelage of Dr. Margaret McFarland at the Arsenal Family and Children’s Center in preparation to combine Roger’s love for children and ministry to create Mister Roger’s Neighborhood.

Rogers went to Canada and with the help of Fred Rainsberry, a well-connected television executive, that believed, as Rogers, that children should not be sold to, they created Misterogers. The show was 15 minutes long and showed daily from 1963 to 1967 nationally. Many of our favorite things about Mister Roger’s Neighborhood were part of MIsterogers.

When it was time to create Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, Rogers based it on his hometown, which he loved. Joseph Horne of Joseph Horne Department Store was the first advertiser. Rogers stood strong with his belief that children should not be sold to. The department store was listed at the beginning and the end of each 15 minute show as the sponsor. The store saw a noticeable growth. When the contract of 13 episodes was over, Rogers had to find more funding. With the help of many friends, including crowds of parents and children, sponsors were found, including Sears Roebuck Foundation.

1968 was the first year for Mister Rogers Neighborhood and Rogers knew exactly what he wanted. He knew children learned best in a blend of reality and make believe and that is what he gave them. He encouraged his musicians to play musically complex songs, as they would for adults. Other musicians knew his show was the “hippest” music of the day.

Rogers was always fighting for quality children’s television. In 1969 he spoke before the Senate Sub-Committee on Communications to share his belief in the importance of Public Television and his words kept the funding in place. The recorded works of his speech were used again in 2017 when the funds for Public Television were on the chopping block again.

In an interview between King and Roger’s oldest son we can learn: “Whatever his personal foibles, Jim Rogers observes, his father had only one real touchstone: ‘Being who you are was so important to him that the only thing that would really upset him was phoniness. As long as I was being genuine, honest, he respected that.’ He adds: ‘I think all Dad really ever wanted for John or me was to be happy and pleased with who we are.’” Chapter 9

Mister Roger’s Neighborhood won 4 Emmys. Roger’s won a Lifetime Achievement Award in 1997.

I was almost overwhelmed with the amount of information available in this book but I learned a lot about Mr. Rogers from The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King. I am glad I read it. I had many memories of watching his show that brought back good feelings for me. Mr. Rogers truly made an impact on my life and he still does. I highly recommend this book.

I got this book from the Longview Public Library you can get your own copy of The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was not a light read. I learned more than I expected about Mister Rogers and even myself. He is still one of my favorite icons and probably always will be, for good reason. He was exactly who you saw. He was authentic always and loved always. His life’s work was to reach children, to teach them to understand their feelings and express them in safe ways and to always be curious. He was not a simple man but in the world he created in Mister Roger’s Neighborhood any problem that could be talked about could be managed and that made it more simple.

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 30, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

The first thing I think of when I think about Jamie Foxx is “ego”. That isn’t a bad thing. My wife, Karen G Clemenson, and I have pretty big egos but we are women and we live in Longview, Washington so we have learned to be creative with how we show them. Foxx, being a Black man, a stand-up comedian, musician, actor and general entertainer, he gets to swing his around a bit and it wasn’t a surprise to see it in his book, Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me.

I wasn’t shocked at how intelligent Foxx is either, I think you must be very smart to do stand-up and improv but I really enjoyed his writing too. I had a hard time putting his book down which did surprise me. I appreciated the stories Foxx told about his grandparents, who raised him and how he felt about his parents that were around but not available to him and how this made him very aware of what he didn’t want to do as a parent with his two daughters.

He was honest about mistakes he made as he learned how to be a parent and how he improved. Communication and connection are very important to Foxx and that was something that tried hard to work on with his parents even after he was an adult, as well as with his girls. Forgiveness and boundaries are also important lessons he has taught his girls.

One thing that Foxx made me consider that surprised me, is that each state is its own place. As Foxx described the vast differences between his home state of Texas and where he lives now, in California, Foxx had great pride in his home state, while he enjoys where he is now. I don’t know why I had never thought about that before but it took 46 years for me to come to this place to consider that each of our 50 states has its own laws, customs and expectations. With a Presidential election coming, it makes me realize that the President of The United States has a the job of getting 50 states with different laws, expectations and customs to go in the general same direction. Wow! That doesn’t count all the other stuff they do. I know it isn’t related…but Jamie Foxx brought me to this thought process. I amazed too!

Although I don’t prefer all of Foxx’s language, I really enjoyed this book, and he explains that he is not going to censor himself, so I know I am getting his authentic self, which I do appreciate. What I loved the most about this book is that I could feel how much love his grandparents had for him and how much love he has for his girls and his family. I highly recommend this book.

I got this book from the Longview Public Library you can get your own copy of Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads

Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Jamie Foxx never fails to surprise me. His writing is engaging. I hardly wanted to put this book down.

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: The Gospel of Wellness by Rina Raphael

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 23, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Fuel Your Wellness, Opinions

I first saw this book on the bed at my sister’s house and was interested. Jamie never gives any clues away, so I was totally shocked that The Gospel of Wellness by Rina Raphael was not what I was expecting. I learned a lot, yet I am not sure I was the target market for this book. (more…)

It Is Time to Increase My Mood Stabilizers

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 17, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions, Wellness

I met with my psychiatrist last Friday and spoke with him about my concerns with things that were happening inside my head that were causing me stress. October through February were the hard months for my custodial parent, so I have a hard time in these months too. Plus the holidays are here and they had their own bag of not so fun goodies. We had kept me at the lowest dose I could stand because the Luvox was giving me headaches but that we before we found proof, via MRI, that I have had migraines for most of my life and began treating them. It is time to increase my mood stabilizers.

I don’t act on what happens in my head. I am in control of myself. Even my psychiatrist felt that that the screaming and crying I hear in my head is a part of myself that remembers the pain and not me wanting to hurt myself or anyone. I do have visions of inappropriate behavior but that is usually when I am angry. I try very hard to not get angry to a certain point. In the past I have blacked out and hurt people. I don’t ever want that to happen again. So when the visions start, which are a precursor to the black outs, I walk out of the room and calm down. Along with myself, I promised myself I would never hurt anyone on purpose a long time ago. Violence is not OK, ever.

As the holidays come closer I have more and more dreams about family members of the past. I think about moments and I feel old feelings. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to. I realized today that I don’t trust women because of the type of situations I was raised in. I don’t have much to say about men either. Most of the time the men in my life were working or doing their own thing, until they were needed. They just weren’t around much.

I was raised by a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. I found the paperwork one day, by accident. I was looking for pictures for a photo album in their desk. BPD is a terrible mental illness to live with. From what I can remember, my parent put all their energy into working and they did that well. But when they came home, understandably they were exhausted and any self-control they had was spent. That self-hatred that comes with mental illness was there. I often didn’t know what parent would come home. I seemed to have several, of different ages. I don’t have a lot of memories because I have blocked most of them out, but I have lots of fears. That kind of fear doesn’t let you trust. I know my parent loves me and has always wanted the best for me, I also know that while I was growing up there were no reliable treatments for this mental illness. They gave me the best they had, and I know they were the best option available to me, but I still suffered.

My step-mother had her own issues. I am not going to go into a lot of details but she never earned my trust, but pushed it away. I know she had her own trauma experiences growing up. I am not a trained therapist or psychologist but I would not be surprised if she didn’t have her own diagnosis. My father loves her and I respect that but that keeps me away, especially since my siblings are so much like both my mothers. Both women have good and bad qualities but I find myself to be very defensive around them; I am not sure they are able to see the healthy, more balanced version of Summer that I have matured into.

I am hoping the increased meds will help quiet things in my head. I am going to talk to God about these new things I have noticed about myself. I want to get better. For my sake and the sake of people who I have yet to meet. Its ok to need to get help. I am thankful that I have a team that works well with me.

Borderline personality disorder by Mayo Clinic Staff

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Koshersoul: The Faith and Food Journey of an African American Jew by Michael W. Twitty

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 9, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Food, Life, Opinions, Queer Community

…So I was digging through this bag of books my sister gave me and I found this book with colorful pictures and food on the cover and was excited to read it, thinking I would learn a lot about food but was surprised when I learned so much more. Koshersoul: The Faith and Food Journey of an African American Jew by Michael W. Twitty is a book about just that, a journey, but not just by Twitty, but the other people he has met along the way.

Being Jewish is not just a religion, it is a culture. It is a generally led through the mother so gender is important. Most people have been led to believe that Jews are white/caucasian or Middle Eastern but there are Jews all over the world and many are Black and they have been left out of the conversation much of the time. If you’re a Black Jew, as in most situations, you are a color before you are anything else, as dictated by society’s standard.

“Your place in the mishpocheh, the family, and how you navigate that place, not just with others but within yourself — that is the bootcamp of identity, especially intersectional identity, and it’s where you find your special truth that only you can bring to the table.” Chapter 3

Mishpocheh (mesh-poh-keh) is Yiddish for kinfolk or people that are from where you are from. Yiddish is a transition language between German and the Jewish person’s original language just as Ebonics wasn’t bad English, originally, but a transition between native tongues and English. Twitty doesn’t go into detail about Ebonics beyond this but the fact that people still use Ebonics, does cause my wife’s skin to crawl because it is reminder of being enslaved that should be let go while we celebrate liberation.

One reason I love to read is that it stretches my brain. I really look forward to reading some more about Jewish culture, and then re-reading this book. Twitty uses a lot of Jewish terms without explaining them and although I did find a glossary at the end of the book, and I did Google several terms while I was reading, I think I will better appreciate this book after reading some more on the culture. He did try to explain the words that make up the main tile for the book:

“Kosher” is a standard of ritual fitness according to Jewish dietary laws and sometimes to other parts of Jewish material culture and ritual observance because G-d says so and because it connects other Jews.

“Soul” has its own connotations of soul food, soul music, soul people, soul dancing. However, soul food, has come to mean both African American vernacular cuisine and the comfort food core traditions of other folk cuisines. Soul means a certain vibe and feeling, an earthiness and peace with yourself and your people. Soul food is based on the ingredients: corn, tomatoes, peppers, pineapples and peanuts which were ready available to enslaved people.

About the People

“Loving yourself means you remember you are betzelem Elokim — made in G-d’s image — as much as any other person. It means that G-d has love for you as an LGBTQ person and that your struggles and strengths matter to our Creator. In the LGBTQ community, we have conflicts between one another as men and women, cis and trans, white — identified and people of color, disabled and not, wealthy and financially challenged. Your duty is to apply the best of Jewish values — mainly a concern for the stranger and those in need, and the urge to support the oppressed — because we were all of those in the time of our enslavement and captivity, and we are duty bound to be compassionate and loving and empathetic. Be grateful and thankful for your difference in the world and for the opportunity to feel for others what you feel for others.” Chapter 11; Mayseh; The Letter I Always Wanted to Write

The relationship between people and food helps bring groups together which is why “Jewish” food is a vast word.

Jewish people have been judged and ridiculed everywhere they have been — it is sad to know why it is easy to see why they have failed to reach out to marginalized Black folks — Jews or otherwise. To reach out to Black people would bring them into the position of abuse. White Supremacy has brought division and fear here too.

“We are here to be family to one another, to exist for the sake of others, even as others exist for our sake.” Chapter 1

I have been interested in learning about Jewish culture for some time and I am thankful that I read this book. I believe it has reminded me to learn more about this culture. As a Jesus follower, I see it as learning another part of my Savior, but also I believe we are all connected and learning about other cultures helps me to see me in the world better. There are some wonderful recipes, interesting cultural references and great personal stories throughout this book which make it a fascinating read. I highly recommend it, although it can get a little dry here and there, it is easy to overlook.

I got this book from my sister, Jamie Holloway, you can get your copy of Koshersoul: The Faith and Food Journey of an African American Jew by Michael W. Twitty on Amazon.com.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Koshersoul: The Faith and Food Journey of an African American Jew by Michael W. Twitty
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was not expecting what I got when I picked up this book but I enjoyed what I got. Twitty is a well-read person with lots of words and I did have to look several up, which I kind of enjoyed. I plan to read this book again, after I have read a few more books on Jewish culture, and have a better understanding of some of the basics. I enjoyed the many contributors and viewpoints Twitty shared and his personal point of view, it really helped me see outside of myself. I also look forward to exploring some of the recipes.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Yoga Pant Nation by Laurie Gelman

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 7, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions

I had been reading some really heavy books before I picked up Yoga Pant Nation by Laurie Gelman, so I was looking forward to something light and hopefully funny when I chose this one out of the bag of books I had got from my sister. At first I was little let down by the commonality of the home life of Jennifer Dixon, the main character, who spends a lot of her time raising her 5th grade son, Max and watching her 2-year-old granddaughter, Maude a few days a week.

As a lot of busy moms do, she lives in her yoga pants; even I as I write this, I am wearing yoga pants and my baby has four legs and says meow. In her defense, Jen and her husband, Ron, actually own a string of yoga studios but even he, would like to see Jen try harder than her “dressy” yoga pants every once and a while.

Throughout the book, Jennifer takes on leading a spin class, helps her aging parents through some growing pains, leads the grade school’s fundraising group through the most successful year ever and supports one daughter through a career change and another through a custody battle where every ends up with a smile on their face, especially granddaughter, Maude.

I almost put this book down. It was so common, but Gelman did a great job developing the characters and making them real to me. I had to find out how everything turned out. In the end, it was a pleasure to read.

I would like to thank my sister, Jamie Holloway for loaning this book to me. You check this book out at the Longview Public Library or you can buy your own copy of Yoga Pant Nation by Laurie Gelman on Amazon.

Read my Review on GoodReads:

Yoga Pant Nation by Laurie Gelman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Easy read. Kind of boring but a nice change from the books I had read previously, however toward the end the family had pulled me in and I was cheering them on.

View all my reviews

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Wellness Hurts Sometimes

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 4, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have come to believe, from my own experience, and not from any research, that there are many ways to harmony and balance and wellness hurts sometimes. There are more than one type of wellness and these include: physical, mental, and spiritual wellness and all require a certain amount of boundaries, affirmations and expectations of ourselves to protect the one thing we can control; ourself. If we don’t care for ourself then how will we care for others. Jesus told us to give out of abundance not out of want; He told us to rest and find joy in His peace. Those sound like the recipe for boundaries to me…

This week has been hard. Actually it started last week with PTSD flash backs. I didn’t even want to write because I was afraid of what would come out of me. I don’t like to relive things and I don’t like to feed the negativity either. Some of my stories might be told someday but they should be told by a Summer that is in control of herself and not by a Summer that is in torment. I was thankful when I finally had a funny memory, a few days ago about one of my abusers; I knew I was coming out of it. Not all of my life was stressful and terrible. There were good days too.

When one of my siblings was born there was a commercial for Budweiser Beer that had a frog that said,” Bud bud, bud, bud bud, bud, bud bud, Budweiser!” As the older sibling, I noticed that they enjoyed this sound and I often would say the bud part without Budweiser to them to make them laugh. No matter how old they were, or usually what mood they were in, I could get them to laugh if I did this. Even as an adult. When they became a parent, I tried it on their child. I don’t remember if their child cared…although their cousins love it! But I do remember my sibling sitting behind them with a smile on their face, trying not to laugh.

It made me laugh to think about it. I was glad to have that memory after a week of terrible memories that felt brand new. No matter how often I would try to remind myself that I was here now. I was 46 years old and not 9 or 12 or 16 years old. I would pet Xavier who wasn’t born yet and think about that fact. I would remind myself that those people are not in my life anymore because I chose to stay away from them. I would remind myself that I had Karen and she loved me like I always wanted to be loved. It is such a struggle when it feels brand new, but you know it isn’t.

I have a friend that has been going through this too. I was trying to comfort them on Facebook and in their angst they thought I was criticizing them. I had to remind them that I was trying to be supportive. They don’t have a Karen. Part of my strength is that I have a partner that can remind me that I am here now and not there anymore. The hardest part is when she is at work. My friend doesn’t have a partner.

I did contact my therapist last week. She was glad to set up 2 appointments a month for me. She knows between October to February are my hard times. We couldn’t do a second session in October but I have two appointments set up for November. I had hoped I was far enough along in my healing that I could stay at one session a month but real strength is knowing that I need help and asking for it.

This week is a Fibromyalgia flare from hell. I am not surprised. Fibro is connected to trauma and emotions. Fibro is caused by an prolonged psychological stress and genetics, I have both of these factors. After a week of being stressed to the max, I am not surprised that my normal dull roar is now an screaming banshee at times and walking or lifting my arms above my head is an exercise in emotional strength and a shower is a time to cry and pray and when it is over a time to cry and praise God that I made it through. Sleeping is torn between hot flashes, nightmares or stressful dreams where I am in terrible pain and waking in terrible pain. But I will gladly take this over PTSD flashbacks…

I told this to my friend when I was checking in with them on Messenger. I am glad they were ok when I reached out to them.

We all have our triggers. Campaign season is hard on my friend, understandably…Mine are the holidays. I am wondering if I should put a disclaimer out there that I have a weird sense of humor about holidays because until the last few years, I had never had a holiday without fighting involved. I hate fighting.

Karen and I were watching a rerun of Reba, last night and they were fighting over who’s house they would have Thanksgiving at and who would cook. As a child of divorced parents, I thought the answer was easy…have two Thanksgivings. I tell you what, if you are invited to a Thanksgiving at my house and a fight breaks out, I will pack up dinner quicker than a fork can hit the floor and we will reschedule for another day. Holidays are supposed to be peaceful and they don’t have to have anything to do with a day on a calendar, in my mind.

I have been thinking about making a sign to hang near the door that says: If you can’t keep the peace in this home, take a walk, take a nap or take a hike…and I totally mean it.

I have learned that wellness hurts sometimes. There are side effects from important medications and even from a stay in the hospital. My dear sister, Jamie Holloway, is suffering with some terrible wounds caused by water retention she had from her last stay in the hospital. She is exhausted and begging for a break. I wish I could do more than pray and congratulate her for being diligent in advocating for herself. Sometimes healthy boundaries for one person, hurts another person but must stay, for the first person’s mental health. There are times you might have to lose out on a promotion at work because you need to say no to the early morning meetings, so you can have some needed quiet time so you are balanced.

I encourage you to look at your life and see where you can create healthy boundaries and balance in your life even if it is painful at first. When you get used to it, it might be the best thing you did for yourself.

Fibromyalgia by Mayo Clinic Staff

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

This Is My Hard Time of Year

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 28, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life

I know a lot of people that have a certain time of year that is more of a struggle for them than others and this is my hard time of the year; October to February were the months that my custodial parent struggled and so that is the time that my hardest memories live and I tend to relive them. I need to contact my therapist and increase my therapy sessions to twice a month, instead of once a month, I was hoping that I could stay with monthly but I am seeing that the cycles are repeating, as usual.

I was supposed to get up when my wife, Karen G Clemenson, went to work this morning, but I couldn’t. I fell back to sleep. When she came in for lunch today, she woke me from a dream where I was folding orange inmate jumpsuits. It was part of my duties because I was incarcerated for a short time. They didn’t have jumpsuits in my size so I had to purchase my own. I was being told to take good care of mine so that when I had to come back I could bring them with me. I figured as much. What a dream.

Stressful dreams and nightmares are normal for me but more common in this time of year. I sleep a lot more because I don’t get good rest when I having these dreams, plus with the cold weather I have a lot more pain and that is another reason for bad sleep. When I tried to wake up today Veda was here, that is what I call depression, it implies she is a visitor, instead of something I can’t overcome and maybe she will only be here for a short visit.

I know this visit from Veda was triggered by someone that asked my wife if she was the sister-in-law of my sibling. It shouldn’t bother me but it does. My siblings have made it abundantly clear that they want no part of my life. All those wonderful Hallmark cards that describe sisters are only describing, Jamie Holloway, and in no way will I call my siblings sisters and take away from Jamie who has been there for every fun event, diagnosis and growth moment in my life. I have invited my siblings, I have gone to theirs, when invited, I have loved their children with all my heart, until I was told to stop contacting them and then I loved them in my heart and prayers and hoped that when they were 18-years-old, they might choose to see me.

Longview, Washington is not as small as people think it is. But it is small enough. It has been big enough that I have never run into people I don’t want to run into but small enough that I can hear about people I don’t want to know about. I wish that the one sibling that lives here, that I have forgiven, but I can never trust, would just let me and my wife go. Just don’t talk about us. You don’t want us in person, why talk about us when we aren’t there? I promise you I don’t talk about you. Why would I? I realize I have aired my laundry a few times but I have grown beyond that, now I just want to try to heal and I don’t need any help being reminded of my past. PTSD does that for me.

I am so looking forward to spring when the crocuses and daffodils start blooming!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

God, Meds and Self-Care

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 26, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions

There are three things I have to be attune to every day to be balanced: God, meds and self-care. Beyond these three things, my activities can vary within a given day, but I have to give a nod to these three things to remain in my best self. I think if I didn’t have mental and physical chronic illness these things might not be so profound but since I do, they are paramount.

I have a friend that lives with a lot with similar issues. They have been having a lot of struggles the last few years because they have different issues than I do and it is hard to find solutions and parameters that we can live with sometimes. They came to visit my wife, Karen G Clemenson, at work the other day. They let her know that they had dropped out of school. They needed more time to focus on their passion. They were so afraid I would be disappointed in them. I am not.

Today is a hard day for me. I pushed myself very hard yesterday AND the weather has changed, bringing more pain. I am anxious about blood clots. I am a little more anxious about a lot of things but that too is cyclical for me. I slept in. I did do my workout; it took a lot longer than usual and included tears in my eyes for most of it. I have taken my meds so far, until my night time meds are due. I have done my bible study and talked to God several times. I have put on my compression sock, done all my toiletries, got dressed, eaten appropriately, fed the cat and I am writing — I even went through the ads on Safeway’s and Fred Meyer’s websites…and worked on my budget for November…I have to make sure to remember to buy my mother-in-law some socks and Karen is out of ketchup…

Sometimes getting dressed means putting my nightgown back on but today I put clothes on. Sometimes writing is just the journaling I do while I do my bible study or notes I take while reading a book. Sometimes I don’t touch a book and I just lie in bed and talk to God. I understand having to change plans. If school is not part of the big picture for you and you feel like it is stealing time from your dream, don’t go. It doesn’t make sense to waste your time, money and energy on something that is not for you. What works for some people, might not be what will work for you.

What is important is that you find what does work for you. What are the three things you need every day to be balanced? Maybe it isn’t God, meds and self-care…maybe you don’t need medications…maybe you don’t believe in God…I hope you believe in some form of self-care…I also hope you do believe in a higher power but that is a different blog.

What are your three things?

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Crazy Joy Finding Wild Happiness in a World That’s Upside Down by Mary Katherine Backstrom

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 20, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

On my last visit to see my sister, Jamie Holloway, she handed me a bag full of books to read. I accepted the challenge, knowing I would pass on these books to new readers when I was done. What a fun contest. One of the books in the bag was bright colored and promised to be fun. Crazy Joy, Finding Wild Happiness in a World That’s Upside Down by Mary Katherine Backstrom sounded exciting.

Right away Backstrom lets her readers know she has been diagnosed with bipolar 2, OCD, PTSD and ADHD so we know she has had some struggles but she herself is probably rather colorful. She says: Some days are blue but other days are manic but she likes how those feel; yes they are destructive but she feels like sunshine.

I enjoyed the introduction and then I couldn’t really follow Backstrom. I don’t know if there is such a huge difference in our ages, where we were raised or what, but try as I might I couldn’t follow her but I did love the questions she asked at the end of the chapters and that is where I got the most from the book.

My answers to questions from the chapters:

Chapter 1

I believe happiness is defined by how your pursue it until you decide what you want to be happy. I want a partner that supports and loves me no matter what. I want to have an idea of what I should do to cope with my chronic illnesses. I want to want to have dreams and the security to start planning for them. I have this. Besides this I have a solid relationship with God who provides all we need in His wisdom and perfect timing. I don’t think happiness is always what we think we want but it is the satisfaction that we are safe and we can build on a firm foundation.
Joy comes in moments where we allow forgiveness to heal resentments. Happiness and Joy are related. Happiness is a state of mind and Joy is like a new plateau as we grow toward love.

Chapter 2

If I could go back to my child-self what would I say? I would say: “I love you.” I would hug myself and say, “I believe in you. I love your smart brain and big heart and it is ok that no one understands you because God does. You are important. You are original and you will have to be very brave and ask yourself what you want. Take a walk every day because you enjoy it. You will never make anyone happy so make yourself happy and meet your responsibilities. Keep listening to that voice in your head.” Most of this I would say in my head because my younger self wouldn’t be able to process this but I would hold her hand and love her with all my heart.

Chapter 3

I think cemeteries are beautiful and peaceful. I have enjoyed exploring them and wondering about the people buried there.
I want my dash to grow every day. I am not afraid to die and I am not generally sad when people die because I believe our souls are eternal and our mortal bodies hold us back — so I just want to feed my soul as much as I can while I am on earth and try to encourage others as well.
I think we we take our love with us and God tells us to rejoice a lot so we must take our joy with us when we die, although I have never contemplated it until now. This makes me appreciate God even more because He is so good.

Chapter 4

I was taught I had to have a beautiful home and things to be happy; money in the bank and trips planned. But you know what? I don’t. Those things might be nice, when I ready for them, but I trust God and He obviously thinks I am not there yet, so my world is small, but my bills are paid and I have what I need and enough to share and I am happy.

Chapter 5

When my self-talk gets negative, I correct myself and forgive myself and then I say something positive like: I am getting better at staying in the now, or I feel stronger when I do my workout daily.
God tells me He chose me and He is with me always. My wife tells me I am beautiful and important. I tell myself I am intelligent and able — I think I am hearing good things. It used to be hard for me to accept praise because it used to come with a backhanded judgement, but I am healing from that. Now I am trying to just be grateful.

Thank you to my sister, Jamie, for loaning me her copy of this book although what I got out of it was unconventional, maybe you will connect with her better than I could. You can buy your own copy of Crazy Joy Finding Wild Happiness in a World That’s Upside Down by Mary Katherine Backstrom on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Crazy Joy: Finding Wild Happiness in a World That’s Upside Down by Mary Katherine Backstrom
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Backstrom writes in a friendly fashion but I couldn’t relate very well. I did enjoy her questions at the end of each chapter, that is where I found the most growth for myself.

View all my reviews

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.