Chapter 6: Don’t Be Blown About by Every Wind

Denial: Under-reacting to events that seem too big

Reactionary: Urgently and compulsively reacting in anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling, gestures, care taking acts, depression, desperation or fury to other people’s feelings, thinking, behaviors or problems and situations without thinking. Allowing emotions and behaviors to be controlled or triggered by our environment or other people.

• Reacting compulsively only shows I don’t love myself.
• I must let life happen and not take this too personally.
• Usually things are less about us than we think.

I am often reactionary toward my mother, father, step-mother and my younger sisters.

Things I can do that help me be peaceful:

• Crochet
• Read
• Prayer and listening for God
• Dance
• Housework
• Talking to friends

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6-18-2016

Chapter 7: Set Yourself Free

Positive Affirmations

• I don’t have to stop caring or loving
• I don’t have to tolerate abuse
• I don’t have to abandon constructive problem-solving methods
• I am able to detach
• I am able to respond to situations in healthy ways in order to care for myself

Observational Questions:

1. I don’t think I am trying to control anyone but myself most of the time. I can be manipulative of my wife for silly things but I usually am not set on getting my way. Many times, what I think I want are not life-changing things – they are small things to make a moment more enjoyable while I wait for our business to be more financially sound so we will have more options in life. Overall I am satisfied with my home and our life. Karen and I enjoy, trust and love each other .My entire life, until I married Karen, I have been controlled by my family: my mother, father, step-mother and younger sisters. I am not saying I haven’t tried to control them, but I recognize that I usually don’t respond negatively until I am backed into an emotional or literal corner. However their needs and desires have always been bigger than mine. It seems overtime I begin to succeed at anything, they find a way to disrupt me and control me. Somewhere I learned to not succeed as the only way I had control. I am not saying I have never succeeded or been loved by them, but I usually have to be forceful in order to be myself, or keep my success to myself. When I have asked for help to succeed, I am denied, but I need to be bailed out they are available and although they judge and lecture, I still get some attention.Right now I am focusing on me and how to thrive despite physical and mental chronic illness. I don’t want to control anyone but I also don’t want to be controlled while I learn to take care of my needs.
2. When my parents give me anything it feels like a down-payment for whatever bad behavior they want me or someone else in our family to endure. If Mom cuts my hair, she wants to do it or not do it in the style of her choosing and for days I am obligated to be at her beck and call. My step-mother criticizes and judges everyone’s behavior but her own. Both women love to fight, pick fights and be at the center of attention, as well as be the person with the only point of view or crappy story about someone else.My father and his wife treat me as if I must be a possession who does what is expected instead of a feeling and thinking person. My father seems intimidated by my illness.My mother things all my ailments are from her and she is either worse off or she knows best what decisions should be made. I am mean or controlling if I tell her I disagree.My younger sister has her own issues. Her behavior shows she is never satisfied with herself and she has learned to be mean to get what she wants. Right now, maybe always, she has needed to be #1 and I am in the way. My parents enjoy her and let her make decisions for them and me and then wonder whey I am frustrated. She can be really nice, but eventually she will betray me.

I decided yesterday to back away from all of them until I am healthy enough to not be triggered by their choices. Until I am comfortable with taking care of me, I am staying away from them. I am slightly concerned that my parents and sister will try to control my other sisters, but I am choosing to detach from that. I cannot control or stop what they do to my sisters and other family members.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

Amen

The Lord is with you always.