I have been in a pit of depression for the month of October and I woke up feeling so much lighter and glad to be out of that pit today. I made it out and it feels so good to be able to move easier. Depression is painful, not only mentally but physically for me. It stops me from doing so many things until I process whatever it is that I need to get through. I am thankful I got through. I have been so worried about a lot of things, things I know I can do nothing about other than to pray and try to set my mind in order on but what a day to be able to wake up and say: Happy Halloween 2025!
I have been terribly worried about the victims of Hurricane Melissa. The people in Jamaica, Haiti and Dominican Republic have been ravished. They have lost loved ones, homes, hospitals, places of work, safe spaces. All I can do is pray but I am so thankful for the people coming to their aid from all over the globe. Times like these really show me what love can look like and it doesn’t just come from one place. Love is international.
Politically I have been destitute. I am neither a democrat or a republican. I wish either party had a platform worth standing on right now. I think they have both lost their footing. Socially I tend to appreciate some of the social justice that democrats offer. Financially, I usually like the tax beliefs that republicans align themselves with. However, raising taxes on the poor and cutting taxes for the rich makes absolutely no sense to me. People that work should be able to have health insurance. In fact I do believe in universal healthcare because humans get sick and sick people should be able to go to the doctor and prevention saves money in the long run, a healthy workforce can pay more taxes, sick people make more sick people, and people that can’t afford to go to the doctor, go to the hospital and leave bills for the rest of us to pay for anyway. Eating is necessary and so SNAP should not be something we are fighting about. The fact that the government has been closed for 5 weeks is ridiculous. Trump has chosen to let the government stay closed and this makes me furious. He has proven, he gets what he wants. Other presidents have conceded when it was necessary.
But! Two judges ordered that contingency funds be used to pay for SNAP and so people will get their benefits, in spite of the bull headedness of our politicians and everyone that gets those dollars, including all the entities that benefit from those dollars at the grocery stores will continue to benefit which means we all benefit and I feel like a huge weight has been removed off of my chest. Thank You Jesus!
I was thinking about a Halloween a long time ago. I was out with friend. I was old enough that it was just the two of us in our neighborhood. Oak Street didn’t have a lot of street lights and it didn’t have sidewalks but we made it out alive. We were about finished. There was a park a block from my house and Stephanie and I were accosted by two boys that wanted our candy. They grabbed my pillow case that I had been using to collect candy. It made me angry so I grabbed it back and hit them in the head with it and left for home.
This is how I was telling the story to Karen G Clemenson. She was laughing. She didn’t understand why I would do that. So I told her. First, the boys had masks on, but I knew it was Ty and Shad. Ty lived across the street from me and Shad lived down the street from Stephanie and I didn’t need to be afraid of them. Second, my mom had just bought me a new comforter and matching pillow case and I really liked that pillow case. It wasn’t about the candy, it was about the pillow case. Also, if they had asked for the candy I would have given them some. I just didn’t want anyone to steal from me. Too much candy has always made me sick. They could have even followed me home and taken some. I always brought my Halloween candy to school anyway to share with my friends because I was not used to eating a lot of sugar.
Karen just kept looking at me like she couldn’t believe what I was telling her. It was about the pillow case, not the candy…One time Mom asked me where the strawberry preserves were and I told her Ty asked to borrow it…so I had to go to his house and get it back.
My mom didn’t like Halloween. She had her own reasons. I didn’t necessarily care for the day but I loved dressing up. Sometimes I would play with my makeup. One time my mom called me out to ask me a question and I didn’t have enough time to remove my makeup. I had done a mosaic design on my face. It was fantastic, but in the dimly lit living room, it must have been frightening. I tried to stay in the dark so she couldn’t see me while we spoke. Eventually, she looked at me and screamed. That had not been my goal. I was just a creative kid.
I haven’t dressed up in many years. Mainly because as I got bigger it wasn’t fun to do it anymore. I was also sick and when you live in a hotel, all your money goes to living in a hotel and being sick. But I am shrinking. I am almost back to my high school weight. In the picture above, I am in my prom dress (this is not a prom picture though, it is a Halloween picture with the car my Grandpa Bill gave my mom, that she gave me because she was too short to drive it). We are also very close to moving and we wont be spending all our money on rent anymore and I can start thinking about things like Halloween costumes again, I told Karen that we are going to be Raggedy Anne and Andy some year or maybe a Seattle Seahawk and a Football. She isn’t used to this idea because we have had to be so practical for so long, but the idea makes me smile.
Someone told me, this last week, that I like to worry about things. It is a trauma response. I didn’t have all I needed as a child. I saw a lot of pain. I am aware of trauma and pain. I hate it and I hate seeing people hurt. I don’t see that it is a bad thing to care about others and not want them to suffer. Jesus told us that when we fed the hungry or clothed the needy we were loving Him. When we were taking in the immigrant or helping someone that couldn’t help themself we were helping Him. I have been that person. I am that person sometimes. We all are.
Halloween is a favorite holiday to some because it is only about fun. I was explaining this to Karen. She doesn’t really care about this day either. I was telling her what Stephanie had explained to me when I asked her. There were no traditional meals, no gifts that had to be bought, no expectations but fun. People need this day because life can be hard, it can be traumatic, it can be less than what we need. What I am experiencing today is a renewed hope that can carry me farther than this day can take me and I am thankful. I hope you have some of this kind of feeling, not just for this day but for as many days as you can carry.
Shannon, I have no other way to reach you. I hope you have a Happy Halloween. We can’t be sisters or friends, but I do love you.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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