Today I am honoring the fact that I am depressed. Why do I use those words? Because I learned in my 30’s that being honest with myself was not negative but the first step in the right direction. If I recognize I am depressed then I know I need to either try harder or rest more. I have thought about why I might be depressed and it just comes back to the fact that I am chronically ill and I live in chronic pain and sometimes those two things make my life harder and I don’t like it and sometimes those two things impede on me more than I want them to and it makes me angry, so angry I lash out on me.
So I slept a lot today and then I made myself do my workout. I have been skipping my workout. Not every day but enough. I need my workouts. They are needed and I shouldn’t be skipping them unless I had surgery or I have a migraine. When I can think straight I know this. My workouts are not stressful. They focus on stretching and strengthening my muscles. They are not aerobic because my body doesn’t like those movements. However my rheumatologist has noticed how flexible I am and my oncologist has noticed my strength. These two characteristics are the foundation of stamina. I need them to support joints and nerves that often fail me. They have helped me not to fall countless times.
Since the day is almost gone I will not confuse myself with too much. I have a phone appointment or preop appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I have to get up much earlier than usual so tomorrow I will get things done. Today I will spend some time in my bible. I will take a shower. I will go to bed early. I will take care of me.
When we are depressed it is wise to listen to ourselves and love ourselves. Often there is a reason and sometimes there isn’t. Or sometimes the reason isn’t one you can get rid of, but you can love yourself through the moment.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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