There should be a difference between our public and personal behaviors. There are things I do at home that I would never do in public. The same with public health guidelines and personal choices.
We must own our behaviors and choices and stop being defensive, while knowing that the same right I have to believe or live in a certain way, is also your right too. We don’t have to agree but we should be respectful.
We also don’t all have to be friends. If my beliefs and choices offend you, and you have discussed it with me, and I don’t accommodate you, you have the right to choose how much of your time you want to give me; as I also have the same right to choose how much time I want give you.<
You don’t have to own the weight of my choices. You don’t have to change me. Your responsibility is to your physical and mental health and to learn and respect your boundaries. If you choose to give your time and energy to others, own that too.
We are all dealing with personal issues from our past and present. It is ok to not engage with people that make you tired or feel defensive. These people may not mean to steal from you, but if someone cannot be enough for themselves and they purposefully or inadvertently take your energy, you have the right to be your best person separately from them.
People that make you tired are not getting the best you either…you eventually will abuse them in your exhaustion even if you don’t want to. I have experienced being the abuser on both sides: I have taken too much and I have defended myself to the detriment of others and myself…even with people I love.
I have reasons for wearing or not wearing a mask, getting a vaccine or not, eating in restaurants or not…or any other behaviors that might trigger you. I don’t have to share these with you. You don’t have to explain yourself to me either; however we must respect each other enough to not abuse each other for our choices and choose how much time we will give to each other.
There have been many lovely people that I have wanted to have a closer relationship with, that never worked out. It didn’t work because our paths were different and we had to choose where we used our time. These choices had nothing to do with the level of respect we had for each other.
Each person has only enough energy for a certain amount of relationships based on how they live, work and view relationships. Karen and I are intense people. One thing we have in common is how we view relationships, although we may interact with the people around us very differently based on our perspectives, personalities and energy levels. Our relationship with each other is paramount to any other, except our God. We have an extreme need for a higher level of privacy than many people we have met and we each have about 2 extremely close friends, about 2 close friends and everyone else is an acquaintance at varying levels. We don’t do this because we don’t love people but because we do love people and highly value relationship and we are hard workers that have to balance our responsibility to our work, personal and family relationships. I also have many chronic illnesses that affect our choices on how we use our time. I am assuming everyone must decide how they use their time, energy and devotion and I know that everyone has different levels of what they can give and receive from the world.
Society paints an illusion that we must be the same with everyone in many versions of codependent experiences and expectations. This is not true. If you cannot or won’t do a certain thing that I find vital to my existence, it is ok. I don’t disregard your freedom to live your life. It is yours and mine is mine. We don’t have to set fire to each other because we don’t live the same way. We only need to give each other the grace to live knowing that some decisions we make will keep others outside our space and we can choose to stay out of other people’s spaces if they do not align with what we need to be successful.
My choices, behaviors, beliefs are mine and yours are yours. This is how we love our neighbor as ourself. Jesus told us to give freely, not to the detriment to ourself and others. I give everything I have until I have to stop. Sometimes I feel loss because I don’t have what others need. Sometimes I feel loss because I don’t have enough for my own needs. This is part of the limitation of being human. Love as much as you can. It is ok to say no.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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