I Am Summer

I think we all have an innate need to be known. I am Summer. My name is sometimes easy for people to remember and all my life, I have heard people say, “Oh, that is Summer,” but I had no idea who they were most of the time. I have always been a behind the scenes person. That is where the people who are great at getting things done but not so great with people go; that is also where they put the fat people.

I am a great person for finishing jobs. I hate lists but I can get them done, not in order but I can accomplish things, in my own time and probably 10 other tasks you didn’t ask for, and maybe, not how you intended them, and most likely you would have preferred that I followed the itemized list, and even though I brought value to your life, you didn’t know you needed, you still need me to finish #2, #6 and #9 and you are wondering why the books had to be alphabetized because you had them in an order, that made sense to you, before I touched them. But don’t worry about that because I will make sure to always bring you the book you need, when you ask, because, remember that is now my job and your way was too hard for me to remember.

If you hand me a manual, I will read it. I will follow all the rules to a T, unless they are about clothing and then I might question to see if there is leeway for my Birkenstocks, piercings and whatever else I want to wear because I prefer modesty, and I don’t like to wear what people tell me to wear, and I have plantar fasciitis.

I am a sensory person. I didn’t know that until a few years ago. It would have helped to  know that when I was younger, but here we are. I live with several chronic conditions that cause constant pain. I have had to learn to read a room and myself because sometimes my brain lies to me, but I am a great reader and a fairly good actor so you might never know that I am suffering, unless it is so great that I can’t cover it, in which case, I will either stay home or go there.

I have danced with politics several ways. I have hated politics, but learned that it touches everything so I need to be aware and communicate with my representatives about what I want, or why vote? I have been a republican, democrat, independent and currently I am disenfranchised. However, I believe there are good humans in all people groups and if we find the right ones, I can support those people.

After years of reading and learning about different people, I see that the freedom to marry, which Karen G Clemenson and I did vote for, even before we realized we were voting for our own civil rights, had been hard fought by many before us. People all over the world have been persecuted, criminalized and even killed because they loved someone that went against what other people decided was wrong. They even rewrote the bible to make it a sin in 1947. So even though I have always loved rainbows because they are a promise from God to never destroy the earth, they also are a promise that God loves all of us and the colors signifying: Life, Healing, Sunlight, Nature, Serenity, and Spirit. So Pride Month is important to some of us, whether all of us like it or need it, and I can think that is great.

I have always had an ability to interact with children. Adults and peers have always been hard for me to trust and relate to. I started caring for other people’s children when I was 10. I often had other people’s children with me until I was at least 25, and my nephew, Casey, was born. Then I often had my nephews and nieces with me. Around that time I was trying to learn to interreact with the people around me. I met Karen in 2003 and she was so natural with everyone. I wanted to be like that. Between therapists, books and lots of time with Karen and Jamie Holloway, I have put a lot of time into learning how to listen and respond to people in a more gentle manner.

I started writing, I think as soon as I could put words on paper. I remember writing stories and drawing pictures to go with them even before I could really read. I was a very smart child. My parents saw that and I tested beyond kindergarten so I skipped it and went to 1st grade early. I don’t think that was a good idea. I think there are things I was supposed to learn in kindergarten that I missed. I have often felt like I didn’t fit with people my own age. When Casey was super smart, and my sister was talking about having him skip a grade, I asked her not to. He was a little awkward like me too. I told her I thought there were social things that I missed and I didn’t want him to miss those things. I am thankful that she considered my words.

I have a lot more confidence in my writing than I do my speaking ability. But I don’t just want to be Jamie’s friend or Casey’s auntie or Joanne’s daughter or Karen’s wife. So maybe since I have noticed that people don’t like to read as much as they do listen, I should learn to speak as well as I write.

If you notice, my mouth is small, that is on purpose. I have nerve pain in my face. There might be times that I can’t speak at all. I tend to try to keep the movements in my face small so that I don’t aggravate the muscles in my face.

I was always an active as a child. I rode my bike everywhere and danced every day. I was not wired for sports at all, but I could outdance all my friends. Yet I was always fat. Not as big as I am now. I wish I had known that when I was growing up. I wish that it hadn’t been an issue. Because that is why I would not go to the doctor unless I thought I was dying. I didn’t want to be told I was fat. Duh! If I could change that I would have. I didn’t figure out what I needed to do to lose weight until I had been chronic for 10 years, working to be as well as possible, got cancer, nearly died twice from blood clots, caused by Megestrol. After lots of learning to set boundaries, making myself important, making good habits, and even telling my doctor no, I was losing weight. I have lost 95 lbs so far.

Do I have a reason for this message other than to be known? Maybe but just like, the fact that I didn’t learn my middle name until I was in 4th grade because Summer Clemenson took a long time to learn, Summer Deanne Clemenson was even more of a mouthful, being known takes time.

I have been a receptionist, a Vacation Bible School teacher, a preschool teacher, a nanny, a janitor, a manager of a retail store, a website designer, and Executive Director of a nonprofit. I am a Creative Director of an LLC, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an auntie, a friend, a reader, a writer, a cook…and I am not dead yet, so there will be more to come. How do you really know someone if you have never at least sat with them and had a cup of coffee with them? Are you up for it? Let me know.

I love you. Be blessed.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

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