God tells us to do our best to be a good example and not cause harm to others. I try to live this always. I would hate to make someone stumble. I am thankful when situations are easy.
I had a wonderful experience this week. I went to my niece’s house to give a gift to my great-nephew. My niece had made a post on Facebook that she needed a break. Her little one needs to touch her all the time and she just needed a break. So I bought him a doll made of silicone. When silicone is touched and matches the body heat of the person touching it, it feels somewhat like skin. My great-nephew is going to be a big brother soon so I thought he might enjoy having his own baby to care for while mommy is busy. The doll didn’t come with a bottle so we had stopped at the store to get one. That was a good idea, because he did have a little doll and a shopping cart that he pushes the doll around in, but he didn’t have a bottle or cup to feed the baby with. The doll worked out well. His other baby can’t go in the tub with him, but this one can. He enjoyed taking care of both babies and the bottle and little cup that we bought him helped out a lot.
My niece lives with her mother and it was nice to see her too. Families are made in all kinds of ways and this niece came to me through a marriage that didn’t last but I never stopped loving her so I kept her. Her mother has been through a lot and has worked hard to overcome so much. I admire her journey and strength. I mentioned that I am close to graduating out of therapy. I am still overcome by that idea. After she thought about that, my niece’s mother said: “Good job. That means you have learned all the tools you need.”
People may have said something like that to me but this was the first time that I remember someone looking me in the eye and saying it to me. I really needed to have that experience.
I have been really torn about going to Nana’s celebration of life. I want to see my grandfather. But I am not a small talk person. I am not a big family function person. These people do not send me letters or cards. I have tried to create the type of pen pal relationships with some of them that I missed so much with Nana as she began to deteriorate mentally and that didn’t work. I haven’t spoken to my mother and siblings in a long time. I don’t want to answer questions of people I haven’t seen since my great-grandfather’s memorial service. There are just some truths that are painful and I don’t want to dishonor my mother in order to be authentic.
Becoming an auntie has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to see my other nephews and niece so badly, but they have the choice to reach out to me and they don’t.
I am hurting today. I have been hurting for about a week. I always hurt but this is deeper. It is making it harder to function. All I want to do is sleep. I know part of it is a little depression. Funny, Karen never says she can see it, but she says things like: “Please make sure you take your meds and eat some oatmeal today.”
I know that Nana is with Jesus and in my heart. I know that memorial services are to help the loved one remember the one we lost, together, but I have my own memorials for Nana as they naturally happen. I think it would be best if I kept doing that and save my family the stress of my honesty. Besides I hurt. My body is fighting cancer. It is going to be 85 degrees on Sunday and the heat makes me ill. Fibromyalgia is already messing with me…and then there is that bill that I was surprised with that will make it impossible to rent a car for the trip…our car is to temperamental.
To be honest with myself. I don’t think I can do this event well. Not everything is about me.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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