My mother and I are getting to know each other again and she sent me a message, last night, that said she was hoping I would get free of my symptoms so we could go out again. Yesterday I was hit with a flare in the middle of the day, while out living life and had reached home, where I was trying to relax. I was also feeling a bit snarky. So I became very honest:
“You’re so funny. I never will get better. I live this way. I will be on steroids for the next week so it’s a little different because they make me sleep much more, I didn’t know that because I have tried to stay away from them. My doctor seemed surprised that they make me sleepy but everyone I have mentioned it to, that have taken them, has had the same experience.
I do what I want, regardless of how I feel, unless it is just a really bad day. You have to keep going. Chronic people are strong because we have to be. Many of us have seen death a few times and we know how valuable life is. Pain is just something to get over. Suffering is part of a life well lived. ❤️”
She didn’t respond. I’m sure she didn’t say anything because she doesn’t know what to say. It must be hard to hear her child, even though I am an adult, say these things.
It reminded me of a moment with one of my friends. She had stopped by to give me something. We were chatting in the parking lot and I was hurting. I wasn’t even thinking about it, but while we were talking, I was stretching certain parts of me. She finally mentioned that I was obviously in a lot of pain and she seemed surprised that I wasn’t even trying to hide it. It had never occurred to me hide it. I was talking to my friend and I live in chronic pain. These are two things I don’t have to hide. Myself from my friend or my pain from the world.
There is no shame in being in chronic pain or being chronically ill. God made me this way. I deal with it the best way I can but there is no reason to hide it and stretching is part of how I stay flexible and increase blood flow to joints and nerves that are screaming at me.
This is part of being honest. Something society has taught us to suppress. Our humanity is not wrong. How we choose to use it might be, but choosing healthy ways to handle pain, whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is never wrong. It might be a shock to someone who has never seen it before, but I am ok with that. I am not here to try to change anyone but if I show you something that awakens something honest in you, I hope it helps you.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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