More nightmares last night. I can’t get away from my abusers no matter what I do. But I am not without empathy towards them and maybe that is part of it. I see that they are worthy of love.
Trauma is passed down from generation to generation and hopefully each generation heals a little bit or a lot and breaks those curses or gets help with mental health issues. I have to get better. I could just close my eyes and keep going but I chose to look at mine because I want to be a foster parent and even though I may not be able to empathize with every type of abuse, I want to be able to promise that the children I am entrusted with have a foster mom that is as strong and healed as she can be at the moment and I know how to stand with them or cry with them or just sit and hold their hand while they process their pain because I have done it.
I wish I knew how to let go of the pain. It keeps coming back. My abusers are not bad people they have been hurt, some have mental health issues and chronic illness which makes their life harder. I am not without empathy but I cannot be the scapegoat anymore. I refuse to be judged, rejected and unknown by people that are supposed to know me best.
Here is a truth that young people might be able to grasp. I don’t follow a lot of pop culture but I have heard bits and pieces about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s divorce to know that his mental health issues have kept her diligent, even after their divorce was finalized. This man abuses her even beyond their marriage yet he has also donated money to feed people he has never met. This shows me the he too, is not without merit, and this is probably the part of him that Kim fell in love with…
I wish I knew how to just set the pain down. I sometimes wish I could just pick up the phone and call some of them but that doesn’t work out for me…ever. The love I have is real but I guess I will just have to keep praying for them and hopefully I will finally be ready for the realization of healing God has already given me.
Be blessed.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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