I Don’t Accept

Years ago I was trying to be part of a group of people, learning to use their prophetic gifts. I was very uncomfortable because I didn’t feel like I fit in but I wanted to learn from them so I kept going. As they took turns prophesying over each other, I wondered why no one spoke over me and I heard God tell me that He would be the only one that He would allow to speak over me. As someone trying to be part of a group this was a buzzkill but as a believer, this was a really cool word…that I didn’t feel I could share with anyone in the group and not hurt their feelings…

True to His word, no one has tried to speak over me and when I have volunteered myself for prayer, I have paid the price by bringing other people’s junk home to fight with until I figured out what to give to God so I would be free. Not fun.

I generally, take this in stride. I don’t read a lot of opinions of man. I stick to my bible. The Word is alive to me and I can read the same verse over and over again and get something new each time. My talks with God are informal. He made me. I don’t have to be fancy.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

Yesterday a person sent me an article to read. I was surprised because I haven’t had a face to face talk with this person since The Red Rooster was open in Downtown Longview, WA…I really loved their baked peach fritters! If anyone knows where I can find baked peach fritters I would love to know!

I read the article. it was ok. The premise was good but there was a manipulative spirit on it. I stayed with the positive and thanked them for the article and asked them why they sent it to me since we rarely interact. I was surprised by their answer but took it quietly. They told me that I was overly critical of myself and I should read the free book on the site so that I could better understand my identity in Christ.

I know my identity in Christ very well. I assured them it was my identity on this earth I was having trouble with and then I went to talk to God. I also thought about their words a lot. I appreciate them thinking of me, they obviously thought this book was very good and might be of help to me, like it was to them. I asked God to bless them. I felt criticized by their words and I wondered if maybe they were too critical of their own self, so I asked God that if that were true, that He would free them. I even asked that if there was any truth to their words towards me that He heal me but that was just covering my bases.

I couldn’t get it out of my head so I decided to send them another message:

I have learned to not get defensive right away when people tell me observations they have of me. I am wondering why you think I am overly critical of myself? We haven’t had a face to face conversation in years.

They answered that they could tell by the content of my posts.

To which I replied:

I have thought about your comment a lot and I don’t accept it. I used to be very critical of myself because that is all I knew. I grew up being criticized always and was around people that criticized me, themselves and others all the time. I am not around them anymore and I have worked hard to overcome those habits.

What you are reading is me being honest with myself. I used to not know myself. Now I do. Self-acceptance is very important to me because I never had the chance to do that before. I am a brutally honest person but those statements are not criticisms they are just statements of being, right now.

I know I am right where God wants me to be. He has worked so many miracles in my life and I have learned so much I don’t take any of it for granted. Is it a struggle sometimes? Yes, but struggle is where growth happens and I want to be growing and He knows that. So my truth is my thank You to Him because I am here to acknowledge that I am here now and wherever I am tomorrow it will be because He knows I am ready for the next step.

I don’t believe this person was trying to hurt me in any way. But I am thankful for this moment to look at their statement about where they think I am and say I don’t accept. This is important because so many times in my life, people who were well meaning, spoke negative things over me and I wasn’t able to say, “No,” and now I am.

Oh, bless our God, you peoples! And make the voice of His praise to be heard, who keeps our soul among the living, and does not allow our feet to be moved. For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid afflicted on our backs. You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through the fire and through water; but You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

Psalm 66:8-12

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.