I have been triggered. I have made blanket statement about people without asking any questions to clarify. I have been unfair to people that were mourning someone I never knew and will never understand.
I know it is my responsibility to manage myself but sometimes it is hard for me to recognize that PTSD is in play. The trauma I experienced as a child at the hands of specific people was and is real. I say is, because they are still telling people lies about me to people that have never met me. They are still abusing other people that are connected to me. I still hear about it. Even though I have removed them from my life, other people have not made that choice so there is still an inlet for their abuse unless I choose to cut off the entire Clemenson family.
Although I have my own beliefs about the message of Charlie Kirk, I do not want anyone to be murdered. I have been more vocal than I think I should have been or would have been, if his message did not remind me of how I was raised: speak hate in one room but live pretty in public. I am sorry. In a normal situation I think I would have been quieter. This is not an excuse. This is an explanation.
Right now, I’m fighting to remind myself who I am and what my strengths are while dealing with the nightmares. I oftentimes choose the side of the underdog because that is who I relate to. I empathize with the people who are misunderstood and have had things stolen from them. I have always hated a double standard because there was always that kind of presence in my family, before I was able to have my own.
I am truly ashamed if I have pushed you too far. I am trying to talk to God, deal with myself and will be able to talk with my therapist on Monday. Your prayers and good thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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