I Need Help

I am neither sad nor mad about the end of Charlie Kirk, other than to question why he was so profoundly important to others and I need help. Some of his words were small, they lacked empathy and were not from the Jesus I know. He called himself a christian, yet he did not love all his neighbors in a way that I can understand, the second most important law, according to Jesus. He would spit out the 10 commandments but he didn’t show that Jesus was the new covenant. That loving God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and all our neighbors is the entire purpose of being a Jesus Follower. Nothing else matters. Jesus told us to be a humble, peaceful, generous, merciful servants. This was not this man’s message as I heard it.

We should be upset that on the same day Kirk was killed, a woman who came to the United States from Ukraine for protection was murdered by a mentally ill man, with a huge history of violence. Even his mother had asked for him to be committed, and yet, he was still on the streets of North Carolina; a walking time bomb.

Why do we not have better legislation is place for dangerous people?

We should care that also on the same day Kirk was murdered, when someone brought a gun to a school in Colorado, we should be thankful that a student would be willing to throw himself on that gun so that there were only 3 people hurt. We need to be celebrating this 18 year old man!

There were two school shootings on the same day but we are only talking about one, over and over…I can’t see why Kirk is more important than these children.

I do not know that Charlie Kirk would have thrown his body on a gun to protect others because I don’t know him. I don’t know if he was that selfless. If he did know how big God is, I didn’t see a God as big as mine in his messages. But maybe I wasn’t listening well.

Maybe this incident where Kirk was silenced, was just God pruning an unfruitful branch, as it mentions in John 15. Or maybe I am broken somewhere.

I don’t mean to be cruel. I know a wife lost a husband and 2 children lost a father. I don’t know why I can’t feel genuine empathy for them. It is usually abundantly available for me to offer for people in prayer, which I did pray for his family and loved ones, but it was not as natural as it usually is and for that I need to talk with God about. My humanity is getting in the way and I don’t know why.

I am afraid because I am not recognizing myself. Why does the mention of his name or vision of his face make me feel so angry?

His words hurt me. They sliced into me because some of his words were unloving, dis-inclusive, violent at times, and arrogant. Sometimes they were perfectly programmed “christian” words, and I am sure he did believe them, but Jesus came to teach us to love, He said He came to bring division, but that was because He knew humanity so well. Jesus’ words could get into our egos and without the pure soul, where love can grow, it can become foul, and then some of us would care about things that we have no business thinking about. That is evil, and I am afraid that sometimes, that was where Kirk spoke out of, even if it was unintentional. That is very sad.

Am I speaking from there too?

People hide behind the phrase, “We have a right to have our own opinion.” This is true. But words are important. God tells us that we have the power of life or death from our mouth. He told us to be careful. I am not rectifying the murderer’s actions. Murder is not ever acceptable. But what if Kirk’s words hurt someone so badly, they felt like they had no other choice? We may never know.

Or what if this murder is also meant by another evil, to bring even more division in a church that is already divided, on the eve of an event that at one time brought us all together for at least a moment?

Twenty four years ago, I know where I was when I heard about the Twin Towers. I remember that day more clearly than most days in my life. It started with a dream about it, before it happened. It ended with me being at a church worship service dancing and praising Jesus. But soon after some United States citizens began to hate Muslims and do terrible things to them, even though, they too were United States citizens, and they were in pain also by the loss of almost 3,000 people, and they had nothing to do with the plans of evil men from al-Qaeda.

I invite you to take a breath. Bring yourself to your center. Don’t try to blame anyone right now. The facts will come as they are supposed to. Today is a day of remembering. 9-11 brought our country together like no other day in a long time. We were quieter, more appreciative and we had been given a different perspective that helped some of us. Death is not always just an end, but also a door to a newness because as we mourn, we begin to live differently.

God loves you. No matter what name you call Him/Her/They. For a moment let that be enough to empower you to love others. That is the purpose of this life, there is no other reason we are here.

I will get the answers to my questions when I am ready for them. But if you want to pray for me, I appreciate that. Be blessed.

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.