Joshua the Drunken Parrot

My name has been on the title of 4 cars in my entire life. Joshua the drunken parrot has hung in the window of 3 of those cars. Joshua (pronounced Ho-sway) is an air freshener but he became a character and a memory that means a lot to me.

My first car was a 1976 Plymouth Gran Fury Brougham III. She was cream colored on the outside with cranberry pinstripes accents. The upholstery was cranberry brocade. She was beautiful. I called her Sadie. She was a sassy old lady. When she was finally warm, which took some time, she loved to cruise. I could comfortably fit 7 people in my car, in seat belts. I could also fit a few in the trunk when trying to slide a few extras into the drive-in. My friend’s Honda could fit in my trunk. I inherited this car because my grandpa gave it to my mom as a second car and I was the only person in the house tall enough to drive it. I don’t know why that car felt like a lady, but she did. Eventually I had to get rid of her. The repairs were too much and my landlord was threatening to tow it away so I gave her to someone that showed up with a tow truck.

My second car was a 1972 Buick Skylark. My family was the second owner of this car. My grandpa helped my mom buy it from our neighbor, who had been the first owner of the car. When mom bought the car, it had always been kept in the garage and had very few miles on it, since our neighbor, Joy, rarely went anywhere other than the grocery store and church in it. Mom was friends with a company that did upholstery work so she had new black carpet and grey upholstery put in, in exchange for haircuts and perms until it was paid off. Then her friend spent a weekend painting everything cream colored, inside the car black. She also got a new black vinyl top. She left the green paint. The car looked great. She bought the car when I was 14 years old. It was the car that all three of my siblings and I learned to drive on.

By the time mom gave this car to me, I was 25. The car had had lots of adventures and even caught on fire a few times but it had always started and always got us home, no matter how long it had sat. I had named it Gabriel when I was a teenager. He felt masculine and that was the only angel name I knew. Gabriel had a huge steering wheel. I could not buy a steering wheel cover for this car so I bought some giraffe print fabric and red sparkly ribbon and made my own. I bought a purple feather boa and some party favors for the back window and Joshua the drunk parrot air freshener, along with a disco ball to hang in the window.

I put a lot of money into repairing Gabriel. I had to have the frame welded back together (my mother likes to drive like a race car driver and she taught us all to drive that way). After paying that bill, I was more aware of not taking corners on two wheels anymore. I replaced every part under the hood. I always had car parts and stuff for trips to Willow Grove in the truck, plus a box with every fluid Gabriel might need and basic tools, because when you drive a classic car, that is what you do. As I became an auntie I enjoyed rockin’ out with my little people. They helped me come up with the story about Joshua the drunk parrot.

So the story is that Joshua is pretty special because Joshua is another name that Jesus might have been called. It was very common where Jesus was. Joshua wasn’t sure where he came from because he drank too much. Sometimes he was from Guatemala, sometimes Cuba, sometimes Mexico, but always in South America. We always offered him pretend root beer because he was a pretend bird, except Casey. Casey always gave him pretend beer because when Joshua got drunk he had super stinky farts and Casey thought that was funny. We always had fun making up stories about Joshua. I named the bird a name that might open up a Jesus conversation or cause a conversation about being careful about what you put in your body. Plus we got to laugh.

At some point Gabriel was getting really expensive to drive. I had to fill his tank with Chevron Supreme or he didn’t run right and he only got 8 miles to the gallon in town. He also just needed the engine rebuilt and I didn’t have the money for that. I wasn’t ready to let him go, but he wasn’t fitting my lifestyle anymore.

My friend’s mom had stopped driving and my friend chose to give me her mom’s car. This car was a 1986 Pontiac 6000 LE. She was brown and as I got to know her, she was a black disco queen named Paisley Star. So I bought some purple paisley fabric and made her a steering wheel cover. I bought some silk flowers for the back window and grabbed the disco ball and Joshua out of Gabriel to decorate the window of my new rig that offered more room for car seats and legroom for my crew.

Eventually I sold Gabriel. I was between jobs and I knew if I had the money to finish restoring him, I needed to get a fuel efficient car. My dream vehicle is actually a minivan. I have always wanted to be a foster mom. Gabriel was not made for a family.

When Karen G Clemenson and I got married, Paisley was starting to nickle and dime me. We could not afford two cars so we sold her. I hear the person that bought her was able to get her shined up and keep her going.

Now Joshua hangs in the window of Karen’s 2008 Dodge Caliber. My name is on the title but this car is Karen’s. I don’t know how to drive a stick and I don’t feel like learning on this old car. The car’s name is Thomasina. This car is nonbinary. I say that because sometimes Karen uses the pronouns he or she when she refers to them. I listen a lot and I know that most of Karen’s cars have been dudes. Karen never gave it much thought, until I pointed out to her that she uses both pronouns with this car. I find that interesting. Karen hung Joshua in the window because she knows what he represents to me.

Karen and I were watching Elton John and Brandi Carlisle on TV, the other night. I was having so many memories because I love music and that is something I shared with my nieces and nephews. I remember putting together a playlist for the car with the kids and we had to have Rocket Man and Crocodile Rock on that list. Then Brandi, who I have had no musical history with, sang You Without Me and I burst into tears.

I had to walk away from my family. I stayed as long as I did because I didn’t want to lose my relationships with my nephews and nieces. I knew what happened, would happen but I had to choose me. In her song, Brandi was talking about the moment when her kids proved they were independent humans and not an extension of her. It was beautiful. It was what I wanted to watch happen and enjoy for these wonderful humans that I got to love and who called me Auntie Summer.

I ache for these humans. I want to hug them and hear their plans and aspirations. I want to listen to their passions and get to know their partners, if they have them. I want to love on their babies, if they have them. I want to see what makes them happy now.

Loss is a part of life. I have has a lot of loss. I have had a lot of blessings too. As I dried my tears, I realized if I got the opportunity to see my nieces and nephews again, I would thank them. In the dynamic of my family, it was needed that I serve. Who I was and what I wanted and needed was always unimportant. I found myself in these amazing people. Traits that had not been appreciated or fostered in me, were loved in these children and even though that meant, what it meant for me and my place in the family, I finally understood, I wasn’t wrong or weird. These children helped me learn how to be strong for me. They saved me.

I loved them from the moment I knew about each one of them. I was overwhelmed by the amount of love I felt when I touched them for the first time. These young people taught me so much about myself, and I know that even though they haven’t chosen to be part of my life now, I made a difference in their lives because I listened to them and heard them. That made me a confusion to their parents. I knew a different version of their children because I saw them as their own person.

Joshua is a reminder of singing songs at the top of our lungs, laughing at pretend stinky gas, helping each other into car seats and making sure we put our toys away or brought our things in because Auntie Summer keeps her car tidy. These kids would probably understand why I don’t spend any time that I don’t have to in Auntie Karen’s car…

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.