Love Anyway

I can’t sleep. My sister, Jamie Holloway, is in the hospital and I just can’t shut my mind off. She deserves a visitor every day and I wish I could be there but our car broke down on Saturday, on our way home from seeing her, and I just can’t get to her. I know so many people that love her but they are busy people…this world has become so busy. A visit is so hard to come by these days, yet that is what she needs, not a text, a card or another stuffed animal, just someone to sit with her for an hour; maybe make some calls for her because she can’t talk right now, answer some texts because she is having trouble and someone to let her know that she is important enough to give an hour of their time. She can only have one visitor a day. It isn’t like she needs a circus to show up. Even though time is hard, love anyway.

I have never seen Jamie this tired before. She is in the ICU. She can’t tell me why, but it occurred to me that maybe I have gotten used to her way of living, connected to her machines at home. Maybe she needs more care than any of us realize. Maybe Jamie needs more than we all realize. Maybe our Jamie is more fragile than we want to see. She is a warrior, for sure, but she is so tired. I get scared that I might take for granted the time I have left to listen to my friend and love my friend here on earth.

As we were driving home from PeaceHealth Southwest Washington, the traffic was thick on I-5 North, as we got closer to the Clark County Fairgrounds. No fair for 2 years, because of COVID meant everyone was trying to get there. Thankfully that also meant when we heard the belt break and the fan hit the wall of where the engine is, we were not going fast and it was easy to pull over.

It was easily over 80 degrees at about 6 pm. We sat quietly, thinking. I try to give my wife time to do that. She is older than me and I like to not run her over with my fast brain. I wasn’t sure what was going through her head but I knew we didn’t have money for this, which is why we hadn’t reinstated our AAA membership. Our insurance would reimburse us but we still had to put money up for the tow initially so we were back to money, so in my mind we were looking at AAA again. I checked my credit card and it was short the amount to pay for our annual membership. I checked hers and it was enough. I stayed quiet.

At some point a big red truck drove by with a sticker that said, “Fuck Biden,” on it. I felt like I had been punched in the face.

I stayed quiet. (Praying for the president is in the bible, by the way…cursing the president is a bad idea…no matter who you like politically)

I was trying to focus on the beautiful tall grass, blowing in the breeze. The sky was gorgeous! Then some kids got out to throw up in the grass in front of our car and got back in their car and left.

Finally I asked Karen G Clemenson what she was thinking about and she wasn’t really sure. I mentioned that if we didn’t drive this car that the repair might be very affordable. My credit card did not have enough room on it to reinstate our AAA but her’s did; then I stopped and let her chew on that for a bit.

I was watching her melt, so I showed her how to move her visor to block the direct sun. She appreciated that. She was complaining a lot. I was silent. That is one difference between us. I suffer quietly. She doesn’t.

Finally she told me that the AAA idea was probably the best idea. I didn’t bring my headset and my phone is so near death, I am surprised it works at all. I told her she would have to call on her phone and gave her my card with all the information. Soon we were waiting for our tow truck.

While we waited another truck came by. It had a big flag sticking out of the bed that said, “TRUMP 2024 FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!” I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

I didn’t want to be quiet anymore. Regardless of your political persuasion why is it ok to not care about people anymore?

Why do we not care about ourselves?

I know that the people that have the word FUCK on their vehicles are not my audience and I am not overly sensitive about that word, although as I get older I tend to agree more and more with my Nana about how much more creative and intelligent people are that choose to use the thousands of other adjectives there are available to us besides that word. But why is loving and caring about people such an inconvenience anymore?

I don’t care about changing the world anymore. I used to and I know now that I can’t do that. I can influence people in front of me. I can change myself. This what I can do. So for those who can afford to send money to far away places and save people you will never meet, I thank God for you. But for everyone else, I ask you, remember the people you see everyday. Or chat with. Make time for the people who can’t leave their home or hospital bed. For every person that says: you don’t matter. Try to tell someone they do matter.

Love Anyway. It’s important.

~

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.