I knew Xavier was sick and would probably need to go to Jesus when we took him to see Dr Katie yesterday. I had known it was different this time. His IBS flares usually only lasted a week but no more. He never stopped eating longer than a day or two. I heard myself saying to myself that I needed to hold him as long as he would let me because there would come a day I could not hold him anymore. I didn’t usually take pictures of him and me but I felt like I needed a picture with him because our time was coming to an end. When Karen G Clemenson got this flood of hope, yesterday morning, that it was only another mouth infection and we would just get some antibiotics and he would get better, I wanted to agree with her, but I knew it was not so.
I had cried so many tears already. Xavier was fastidious with his grooming and he was a compulsive eater and he had quit both of these things 2 weeks ago. He was drinking a lot of water and still using his litter box but he wouldn’t touch his food or take his probiotic, which he used to love. He still had loose stools and dry heaves. But he was trying to be positive for us.
He would purr when I came into the room or when I read out loud. He loved to hear me read my bible out loud. Even though he wasn’t jumping up to lick the ink on my notebook pages anymore, I could hear him purring from under the bed, yesterday morning. If he was in the bathtub, his other favorite spot, he would always say hello to us when we came in.
Xavier was born on September 10, 2008. I met him 8 weeks later while visiting a church. He was a different kind of cat. He was stimulated very easily and more anxious than most cats. I knew if I didn’t get him a companion while he was a kitten, I would not be able to have another animal but it just didn’t work out, and he proved me right. Xavier did not understand how to play with other animals. He was terrified of most people and animals. He was a biter and it took a toll on me. I prayed a lot about how to handle this high strung ball of fluff and God told me how to give him his space and pay attention to his very small cues. Xavier helped me understand things about myself and he became the perfect emotional support animal for me.
It took at least 2 months for Xavier to accept Karen but they build the cutest relationship. He had very little patience for her constant movements and noises but eventually he learned to dance with her (literally). He never let Karen hold him. That is something only I was allowed to do. But Karen was the only one allowed to give him kisses. When he was well, he would make sure she got up with her alarms for work and walk her to the door when she left. If she was late he would pace and worry until she came home. I was the nurturer so I got out of the way and let Karen be the fun mom and it was great.
Xavier was very opinionated like me. In fact, Karen often said he was just like me. She thought it was hilarious to watch us fight; we both have very bad tempers, although it usually takes a lot to get us angry. He had learned my facial expressions which was so odd to see in a cat’s face. He loved jazz and piano music. His favorite essential oils were doTERRA’s On Guard and Frankincense. He refused to drink standing water and was often found in the bathtub; he could even get water out of a faucet that wasn’t turned on. He would not eat any other food other than his hard prescription food, although as he got older he learned to like to share a few licks of my tapioca pudding. He hated when we sang; he even slapped Karen for singing when she was too close to him once…we both laughed at that one!
Xavier was not an easy animal. He made me work but he also helped me a lot. While I was going through the toughest time of my mental illness and chronic illness he reminded me to take my meds, he encouraged me to do my workouts, sometimes he was the reason I got out of bed because he demanded that things were done a certain way. Now that my brain is more healed and I have established some good habits I know I couldn’t have done it without him because he learned to do what Karen did, while she was at work and he did it.
This weekend I told him that I knew he was sick. I told him that I wanted him to get better but that if he needed to go, I understood. Every time he saw me he would purr. I know he was telling me he loved me. Yesterday when it was time to go to see Dr Katie, he wouldn’t come out from under the bed so I had to move the bed to get him and he purred when he saw me. I had told him the night before that we were going to see Dr Katie and she was going to help him. I scooped him up and we went to the bathroom to get a drink before we went. I wanted to believe Karen that it was just a mouth infection but the pain I had been feeling for days was too real. I brought him out and let Karen love on him a bit before he went into his carrier and unlike usual, he purred the entire way to the vet.
After she examined him, Dr Katie explained that Xavier had signs of kidney or liver issues or possibly cancer. He was 15 and a 1/2 years old and it was the right thing to do to let him go. He was agreeable the entire time. He knew we were helping him. He went to sleep peacefully in my arms before Dr Katie gave him the injection that put him to sleep forever. His heart stopped right after I said: I love you Xavier. You are my good boy kitty…Like I always told him…
Xavier Rock’On Clemenson died on Monday April 22, 2024 but he lives in our hearts forever. RIP Xavier.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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