Healing is hard. I have said this before. Sometimes healing is harder than it has been before. Sometimes it takes us deeper than we have ever been before. Lower than we have wanted to go before. Lower than blue. The shade I call minor depression. Because I don’t just feel my own pain. I am susceptible to the world’s pain and even if I don’t look at it on my phone or TV or read it, I know the seething, shaking, and moaning that is inside me, is not just my own.
If I didn’t have God, if He wasn’t here to help me bear this and take it from me when I am ready to let it go, I don’t know how I would handle it because my go-to people have their own burdens. But even if the wars didn’t war and the fires didn’t burn and the weather didn’t tear down people’s homes, there is my body.
This body. I have learned that she needs love and never criticism, but sometimes it is hard. When she hurts, when she is hungry, when she has been fed. When she is tired, when she has slept and when she hasn’t. When I have to decide it is time to push her and then she bursts into tears.
I haven’t been writing off of Facebook for months now and I opened my laptop to find writing from May…half finished and notes in notebooks strewn on the desk from somewhere between then and now and the strong part of me wants to laugh and the part of me that has trouble reading my scribbles is still crying for the dead children in Gaza and Texas.
But this is who I am: A passionate profit that writes and prays, sings and sleeps, cooks and creates, dreams and does what she can every day…
So I will drink my water and try to find the rest of my notes and try to breathe because I am trying to put myself back together again because the dermatologist said the rash that healed last week, even though it took months to get in to to see her, was eczema, and I refuse to put steroid cream on my face, so I will keep using my oils, and my oncologist has scheduled my imaging for the 12th, and I hope to be closer to feeling like myself before we do brachytherapy, when I will probably fall apart again.
PS: I have been using Mega Salve from Crafty Works on my face as well as Breathe by doTERRA
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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