There are lots of kinds of pain. At the beginning of my last therapy session I had told my therapist that I was having a pain day and he asked me how I handled that. I told him that I responded differently, based on the kind of pain it was. If it is arthritis pain, it is kind of constant or sharp and if I push through with movement and exercise I might be able to loosen up and move beyond the pain and have a productive day. If it is a fibromyalgia pain day, it feels like more of a metallic or battery like pain and you really can’t do anything about it. You must be careful and do little movements, rest and try not to instigate more pain for the next day. Naps are important. If it is emotional pain you have to decide if it is suicidal pain or just blue pain. I haven’t been suicidal in several years and I am very thankful. Suicidal pain means you need to get help now. Depression pain means you might need to pamper yourself a bit; take a nap, give yourself a treat, find someone that loves you and talk with them or do something fun.
I am of the mind that we should do something pampering every day so I always have a good cup of coffee and try to read things that make my brain feel good. I am a naturally ambitious person that lives in a body that can’t do as much as I want it to so I have to find balance. But I have a 15 minute workout I do every day. I have missed my 1/2 mile walk for a few days because I had a D&C on Tuesday and I am letting my body heal from that but I plan to go shopping tomorrow so I will be back to walking tomorrow. Prayer makes me feel more connected to my Savior and I do that any time I want. There are so many things you can bring into your life that helps you feel pampered and that you love yourself. I also text or talk to my sister, Jamie Holloway, every day, She always enlightens or stretches me.
For that last couple of weeks I have been dealing with being kicked off of Facebook. This is stressful to me. I miss the people I am used to interacting with. They are not on the other platforms I am on. But bigger than that, I was kicked off because my account was hacked and then I was locked out of my account by the hackers. Because of this I have been on the phone with several financial institutions, destroyed all my cards and had to get new ones and changed all my passwords and most of my email addresses on my accounts. I feel violated. I feel stupid. I need to forgive myself and I think I have but I still feel raw. No one has the right to take advantage of people like this, yet with the ease that people have assured me that this happens all the time, it makes me feel more angry that it is so common.
But this is not how I want to live my life. I have spent a lot of my life being angry. It didn’t make my life better. Instead, I like to think about how to be more positive and how I can see the blessings in situations.
When I was at the library Saturday, the librarian was mentioning how hard it was to get old. I told her I thought it was a blessing because so many people don’t get the opportunity to get old. She paused and told me that she was going to start thinking about that because her son had died a few years ago at the age of 38. I told her I was so sorry for her loss. And then I told her that I saw on TV how much people lament getting old but in reality being older is a blessing. As I have gotten older, there is a peace about things I know I don’t have to worry about anymore that when I was younger, I wasted so much time on. I am so much comfortable with myself now. Yes, there are aches and pains and I look different now than when I was younger, but that is just vanity. She seemed to be really touched by our conversation.
When I came out of surgery on Tuesday, I was anxious, which is normal for me but I had a really great nurse that helped me focus on what I needed to focus on to be able to go home. While we were talking I was sharing about my life and as she listened to me talk about my perspective of pain, sickness and being well and she was thankful for me. When she had to pass me off to the next hands that took me back to my room she told the nurse, she wished she could keep me all day or have patients like me all day; I really inspired her. I wasn’t doing anything but talk about my family and the choices I have learned to make to have a better life.
I ask God to help me be a blessing to the people He puts in my life so that He can have the glory as often as I can remember. I think He did that on both these occasions.
I have prayed for the hackers that have attacked me. I want them to stop hurting people. I want them to find Jesus and a more honorable job. I want them to understand that no one deserves to be treated with such disregard. I am not any more special than anyone else but I know what my family is going through and what we have worked hard to obtain and I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through this added stress. But this too is pain. It is getting smaller. But it is ok to acknowledge that this hurts too.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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