Things Have Changed Me

Things have changed me over the last 12 years. I got married to someone the loves me for exactly who I am. I don’t have to act or be anything other than who I am. When I am at my worst Karen G Clemenson tells me I am beautiful, sexy, smart and she loves me. When I have nothing for her, I can tell her that and she will give me space because that is what I need. She knows I love her and when I have dealt with me or taken a nap, I will be there for her and until then, there is food in the fridge, clean clothes to wear and interesting books to read and her favorite app on her phone.

I have worked hard to learn to live with and accommodate chronic physical and mental illness. These things don’t go away but they can be managed and I do it well.

I have removed people and things from my life that do not serve me well. I have learned to say no and to create boundaries.

I have come to peace with my sexuality. God made me this way and He has never stopped loving me. I am also comfortable with my sex. These were two things that for several reasons were hard for me growing up. But God has never left my side.

I have overcome suicidal ideation. At most it is a fleeting thought and when it comes, I know to stop and take better care of myself.

I have also overcome endometrial cancer. Now at one point on a specific day I had at least 4 medical professional’s hands in my lady parts at one time. That was just one moment of the day. Throughout the three years I fought this cancer, I have had more people in my lady parts than I ever gave the two people I loved enough to choose to be with in my 50 years of life. This has made me much braver than most of the other hard things I have had to do in my life.

I reached 50 years old. Now I don’t really care about age. I don’t give it a lot of thought. Some topics, I still converge upon as a child. My age doesn’t really reflect to me in reality until I want to move and then reality becomes apparent because I really do have two kinds of arthritis and fibromyalgia, but in my head age is fluid. But I do think I have earned enough life experience that even if, I didn’t already believe that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business, what I think matters.

Yet, what I love about myself is that what I believe about most things can be fluid because I am a human and I don’t know everything and sometimes I hear, read or see incorrectly and I know it.

I appreciate your beliefs and I appreciate the time and effort you put into explaining why you believe what you do.

I believe there is room for all beliefs.

I am a Jesus Follower because when I was 5 years old, I was playing by myself under the apple trees in my backyard and suddenly, I knew I was with Jesus and I never been alone since. I have been able to rely on my relationship with Jesus when I didn’t know how to do things, when I didn’t have answers, when I was hurting and when I could not trust anyone. I can’t prove this to you and I am not trying to. In my 20’s I got angry and told God to F-CK off. That was the loneliness, and most scary week of my life and it ended with me on my face asking Him to forgive me because I don’t know how to function without His relationship.

I don’t believe God wastes His time testing me. He doesn’t have to when He knows where I am. He knows I am willing to listen to Him. He is my Dad and my Friend. We have the same goal. Yes, He prunes and He teaches and He corrects, as His word says, but I think testing is the world’s job.

I am not a traditional person or a person that cares about rituals. Religion is not something that interests me but I love people because I believe we are all created in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs.

Suffering is part of life. God did not promise a life free of suffering. Jesus’ 40 day fast was not easy. He spent most of his ministry, homeless. He was beaten with fists and whips before he was crucified; his death was brutal. What God did promise was that He would bring us through trials. He would empower us to love each other and help each other.

There can’t be evidence of God if we are to rely on faith. As we walk with God we learn to rely on faith and empathy. We learn this by learning from what Jesus taught us and the relationship we can grow in our meditation with the Holy Spirit, which was left with us when Jesus left the earth to go to God.

Hell is an interesting topic. Honestly, I believe hell is right here when we choose to make choices that hurt ourselves and others; the natural consequences of not loving. This was not taught to me at all church, but in my own studies of the bible. I might be wrong, but God is very practical. The laws in the bible were meant to help humans to have healthy lives, and show people that lived in dry, sandy and hot places, where they wore togas and sandals and had poor sanitation and bad manners, how to be clean and mindful of each other so that everyone was well. Those same rules were meant to prove that rules cause sin because humans are rebellious by nature and need a Savior. God was setting the stage for Jesus.

This same God, wants to be chosen so He gave us the right to choose. You don’t have to choose Him. I am not asking you to choose Him. But I do love Him and I am grateful that He chose me and I got to choose Him back.

I believe God made science. He is very creative. God’s version of time is very different than ours because He never gets tired since He is Spirit and doesn’t have a body. A day to God is thousands of years, which is why, even though the bible says the earth was created in 6 days, scientists have proven it took thousands of years of evolution for the earth to even be safe for humans to be here. I could think on that for a long time. It’s pretty amazing.

I am very thankful for the people that inspired these thoughts!

I want to close with this thought. I want you to have an amazing day. I want the sun to shine on you. I want you to feel love today and I want you to know safety. Regardless of what happens outside our community, I want Kelso-Longview to be a place where joy is because I live here. I can get get a little hot under the collar but at the end of the day, I do believe we are all made in the image of God and it is His breath in our lungs. And I want that to be the impression I leave. I get passionate because I love people and I want all people to loved and cared for and sometimes we fail, but I really hope you have a great day!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.

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