I was watching commentary by Ashleythebarroness on Facebook where the speaker said that instead of using the term White Supremacy we should use White Narcissism because the behavior we are actually seeing is actually fragility and insecurity when people are not in the lime light. Malignant Narcissism is when entitlement, lack of empathy, obsession with control, mixed with aggression moves beyond the thought of being great, to, “I deserve to be centered, obeyed, deferred to, and if I am not, somebody has to pay.”
But if a Black person talks about racism, or a White person, for that matter, why do people get upset? Why does true history make some people feel personally attacked? Why does a conversation about police violence become about a person’s personal feelings? These experiences are from people whose identity only works if other people stay small.
In this video, Ashley is talking about a book she is reading: Fear of Black Consciousness by Lewis R. Gordon. Lewis, talks about how whiteness gets treated like the default for the human experience. However, when Black people speak about their personal experiences in society, it feels like its about race, because that is the status quo — but their experience is theirs’s. It is valid.
Narcissistic systems don’t just want dominance. They need to be worshipped, obeyed and never questioned. Narcissistic people believe everyone is like me and thinks like me, so if you don’t –You are the problem. This is why equality can be made to feel like theft, accountability can feel like persecution, diversity can feel like erasure and Black Awareness is treated like danger, by some people.
Ashley said these words and she reminded me of conversations I have had in my life.
Last week, I was told by someone, they wished that I had not cut myself off from my father because they don’t want me to miss my inheritance. They believe I deserve it.
It was a random and unexpected comment. I think it was brought on after I had shared a few dreams I have. Dreams that I have for Kelso-Longview. Dreams I don’t really want to own, but want to see. Dreams that are not free. When I told them my visions, I told this person that it was my job to write them down and tell the right people; these dreams may never come true, but until I ask, the answer is always, “No.”
But this person does not know the abuse I lived with. I was actually told, “If I was the only one with the problem, than I was the problem,” after I asked for help. After years of being responsible for everyone, how dare I ask for help. After years of being unimportant, not good enough, not understood, or heard, why would I think I could ever have that? When my father chose his second wife, he was never going to choose me, because she was never going to choose me, unless it fit in her plans or made her look good and I was expendable. Even if I tried to have a relationship with her, she sabotaged it. She didn’t want me, so she made sure I was forgotten. She made sure that my younger sister was always chosen. Because she was the Golden One; even better than her own daughter.
There were so many fights over the phone, in the car, in the office. It was always a fight or getting over a fight. I was tired and when I became sick, it didn’t get better. So when I got cancer and chose to call my father, to make sure he got the news from me and not through someone else. And he started yelling at me about arguments, I might have had with adult sisters about children they had that were now adults too, I decided it was the last time. You don’t attack someone when they tell you they have cancer and they are afraid to die. He had already showed his hand, years before. I was never going to be chosen. So that night, I chose myself.
Even if I had been in his will, I don’t need his money. I never wanted his money. Money has never saved me. God has always taken care of me. Money shows up when I need it. Relationships have carried me. That is something Winnie can never give me because when he chose Debbie, he was never going to choose me.
So even though Black culture is something I have studied since I was in high school and it is something I have learned even more intimately since I married my wife and became Black by marriage, I have my own experience with being treated unfairly, because I was never paid for raising my father’s children for him. His middle daughter was born broken and she abused me physically and mentally. I was fragile enough so I disassociated a lot of my life, so I didn’t totally know what was going on at the time. I know this is nothing compared to being Black, but I was invisible to Black folks when I walked down the street with Karen G Clemenson until I married her, and now they know I am her wife and I am seen now.
Yes, I can related to white narcissism.
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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