It has been a little over a week since
you went home to Jesus
I still have the bruises on my arthritic knees
from when I got on the floor to look under the bed
to make sure you were still alive
I still have your claw marks on my thigh
from when I was washing you
because you had stopped doing that
~
Who would have thought a cat would take up so much of my heart
~
You came to me when I had begun to accept
that I would never give birth to my own child
You were my baby and I took the job seriously
You were my best friend
because you understood when I couldn’t talk about what I was feeling
My idiosyncrasies became your idiosyncrasies
and yours became mine
~
Who would have thought a cat would teach me so much about my heart
~
I miss you at night
I miss saying goodnight to you after you have nagged me into bed
I miss getting up and meeting you in the bathroom
for midnight snuggles
But I love that you seem to visit me in the morning hours in my dreams
I loved that you cussed me out this morning
and I got the best sleep in a week with you lying on my chest yesterday
it makes me not want to wake up
~
Who would have thought a cat could bring out the best in me
~
You helped me in ways no one else could
not because they didn’t want to
but because they had other things to do
You lived to take care of me and help me
learn to take care of myself
to love myself
I am stronger because I had to take care of us
and you needed me to be brave
~
I love you Xavier
You’ll always be my good boy kitty
~