by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 24, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions
Culture, Technology, Leadership, Education, Political Correctness: these are some of the numerous subjects that William Deresiewicz tackles in The End of Solitude. His book of 42 essays spanning over 30 years on topics that will make you think and probably cause you to consider to change your mind, if you are inclined.
Culture
“Culture involves art, literature, philosophy, criticism and religion…Culture also involves the things we do and believe without being aware we are doing or believing them: Myths, metaphors, social terms, unspoken assumptions, the words we use…culture is the inner substance of every day by which we question continually our stock notions and habits.
In politics we ask foundational questions with no real answers — the system is designed this way so people have the right to organize society as they see fit.” Chapter 4 — Culture Against Culture
Technology
Technology can be a gift but it can also be the bane of our society because it abolishes what is most human. Although technology has given us more options it has also created a loss a sense of our self, of our solitude. The fact that we can live farther from our families means we spend less time together. Children are babysat by screens instead of playing and learning with their friends, while social media has stolen our ability for intimacy and privacy. We have lost our ability to concentrate, our ability to be alone or to be quiet with our self, which is vital to a healthy spiritual life, to reading a book or even the art of writing letters. Chapter 1 — The End of Solitude
Leadership
“We have a crisis of leadership in this country, because our overwhelming power and wealth, earned under earlier generations of leaders has made complacent, and for too long we have been training leaders who only know how to keep the routine going. Who can answer questions, but don’t know how to ask them. Who can meet goals, but don’t know how to set them. Who think about how to get things done, not whether they’re worth doing in the first place. What we have now are the greatest technocrats the world has ever seen…What we don’t have are leaders.” Chapter 2 — Solitude of Leadership
We need more:
- Thinkers
- People with vision
- Moral courage
- Concentration – no multi-tasking
- Solitude
- Introspection
- Deep friendships of intimate conversation
Education
“60% of The United States working class of poor are white and will never have a chance at an elite education.” Chapter 12 — Change Your Mind First: College and the Urge to Save the World
For a long time educators have been leaning more toward science and math and not encouraging liberal arts. We are able to understand pushing students to study law, medicine, science or business but we are not encouraging the creative people to thrive and we need them. Elite schools are known for teaching their brightest and best for excluding people and teaching their students that they are part of the club of elite for life. They will be rich, they will have extensions whenever they need them and they will be set apart in society. Chapter 8 — The Disadvantages of an Elite Education
This explains our politicians…
Political Correctness
Political Correctness is the persistent attempt to suppress the expression of unwelcome beliefs and ideas. But many young people, today, don’t feel they can express themselves because they are afraid of offending or being offensive. Did you know that PC was actually a form of self-mockery, in response to stalinism?
Political Correctness has been used against:
- Nontenured teachers
- Christians
- Zionists (Jews)
- White male athletes
- White students from red states
- Heterosexual, cisgendered, white men from anywhere
Chapter 11 — On Political Correctness
I, personally don’t care for being PC. I like being honest, but compassionate..Maybe that is because I have drastically cut down my use of technology in the last few years…
In Summation…
I would suggest your bring an open mind to this book. In chapter 12 Deresiewicz says:<
“If you don’t know yourself — if you haven’t become visible to yourself — you don’t know the biases with which you know everything else, you also don’t know the motives that move you to action.”
I really enjoyed this book. At times I found myself overwhelmed with the thoughts Deresiewicz’s words invoked in me but I overcame and prevailed. This books is full of essays on social media, content, architecture, dance, painting, poetry, writing, thought, culture, food, politics, academia, and religion. There is bound to be something that makes you think, makes you angry or brings you to peace, or all three.
“A healthy identity for the group as for the individual, is not rigid and immutable, but creative and ever-evolving. That is progress. That is liberation.” Chapter 38 – Birthrights
Thank you to my sister, Jamie Holloway, for loaning me this book. You can get your own copy of The End of Solitude by William Deresiewicz on Amazon.com
Read my Review on Goodreads:
The End of Solitude: Selected Essays on Culture and Society by William Deresiewicz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Thought provoking on many topics. Great read.
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 21, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers
There used to be a screaming in my head all the time. She was very angry all the time and very distracting. Through therapy and seeking medical treatment for migraines and mental illness and practicing my own solitude, I rarely hear the screaming and usually it is during high stress times and I can name my trigger and use my tools to make it stop. Learning to think is so important. Learning to be at peace with myself and make decisions has saved my life. Now I am looking for a part of myself in books. I know I am a whole person as I am, but I feel like there is something I am missing and I feel like I will find it in a book somewhere.
As I shared in my last post, A New Chapter, I have been reading a collection of essays by William Deresiewicz entitled The End of Solitude. In one of an articles called Birthrights he writes:
“Anti-semitism is foundational to Christianity and endemic to Western art and thought.”
In case you didn’t know (I didn’t) endemic means: regularly found among a particular people or in a certain area. This is a very strong statement.
Deresiewicz is Jewish by nationality, born and raised in New York, who in tenth grade of his yeshiva school, got his hands on a book by Sigmund Freud that changed his mind about there being a god at all. He has been at peace with being an atheist ever since. Let me reiterate that I am at peace with this statement too. I have no judgement here, although I am a Christian, I believe in freedom of choice and I applaud Deresiewicz’s bravery. For him, Judaism is not just a religion, it is his family history.
I was pondering these thoughts from last night, even today, as I began my bible study and then I read my first bible verse and I felt so overjoyed:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
James 1:17
I haven’t really been a regular church goer for about 20 years. I think it is because I can feel the same level of humanity that comes shooting at me from Deresiewicz’s statement above. I couldn’t grow anymore in my relationship with The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit in a room of people that didn’t really want to grow and in an organization that wasn’t really designed for growth. This too is a harsh statement. I miss fellowship and sometimes I slip into a building and enjoy worship but I know I don’t fit there, so I don’t stay.
The last church I went to had a row of 4 computers right in front of the doors for my donating ease and they even passed the baskets after a reminder of how important it was to tithe. Recently, I even saw an invitation on Facebook to a church where they list one of the goals of this meeting was a particular amount of donations. Don’t get me wrong I give to people even if it isn’t in the form of a check to a church and God knows. Jesus never carried a money bag but He did feed people and He loved them.
Neither church addressed the needs of the people living on the streets, any needs at the shelters, needs for volunteer visitors at nursing homes or hospice, anyone to help seniors and widows keep up their yards or any other need in the community. No one talked about volunteers to help coach people who need help reading or practicing their English. There was no mention of people to help at the food banks or to collect school supplies for the students who need it.
In my opinion our churches are not doing their job. I don’t care how pretty their structures are. I do like good music but I don’t care how high tech their sound board is…
I think Deresiewicz’s statement is so true because like Marianne Williamson says in her book A Return to Love, “…to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.” In order to do this we must let go of our fears and relearn love.
What is anti-semitism, judgement and hatred but offshoots of fear? If we recognize that we are afraid and we face it, learn what we are ignorant about, and make a new decision, a choice to love, than another man’s belief is not overwhelming, it is not scary, it is just his belief. Maybe we will talk about it or maybe we will talk about other things. Learning why we are afraid and making new choices gives us more options and I belief these too, are good and perfect gifts from above that come down from my Father of lights.
Commercialism is not a a Christian standard. It is right on the spectrum with coveting…and even though Jesus came to free us from the law, the 10 commandments are still worthy of glancing at.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind,’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 22:36-40
Jesus came to fulfill all the prophecies and free us from the law. This may be one of many reasons why it is so hard to be an Orthodox Jew. There are 613 laws in the Bible and thousands more elaborated by rabbis. (Chapter 38 — Birthrights — The End of Solitude by William Deresiewicz)
It isn’t nearly as hard to be a devout Christian as we think it is. You love God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. That is only hard if you are full of fear and hate…but if you spend more time with God, He will take care of that. I know my alone time with God has grown me up in ways I never imagined. There is no variation or shadow of turning in His love. For that I am thankful always!
Bless you!
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 18, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
I went to the library yesterday with my wife, Karen G Clemenson. I really hadn’t intended to pick up any books for myself because I have a huge to-read pile at home but, of course I found 3 books that caught my eye and Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson was one of them. I had seen it on Amazon and Goodreads and I wanted to read it and was excited to find it on the New Books pile. I started reading it before I even checked it out because, in the past, new books had shorter check out times but I guess that has changed, but since I read it all day and into the early morning, they can have it back tomorrow anyway…Yes. This book was a page turner! The characters were really believable and the author kept the story moving so it was hard to put the book down.
The story starts out on the Bell Plantation in Charles City, Virginia in 1850. The main character is a young girl, nearing the age of 18, named Pheby. She is the daughter of a slave and the Massa. When his sister was alive Pheby had been taught to read and to do math, play the piano and loved like a daughter; Pheby had been promised that when she was 18, the Massa would take her to a girl’s school in Massachusetts for a grand education and set free.
“White folks’ promises ain’t but dust. Specially the white folks called Massa,” she stood up and hissed over her shoulder, “The blood ones hurt you most.” Chapter 6; Aunt Hope to Pheby
Aunt Hope is the cook on the plantation; just one of the many colorful characters. Unfortunately the Missus knows that Pheby is the Massa’a child and she hates her. When her personal slave dies, she makes Pheby her personal servant and treats her unfavorably. As Massa takes Pheby’s mother with him on a trip to trade farm goods where there is a terrible accident that leads to both of their deaths, this is a turning point for Pheby that leads to her being sold off the plantation.
“I curse you and all of you unborn children in the name of my grandmother, Queen Vinnie Brown. May all your worst fears come to pass, and all the evil you do come back on your tenfold. This plantation will be your living hell. Mark my words.” I spit on the ground, bracing myself for her to march down the stairs and slap me. But she stood as if stunned. Chapter 9, Pheby to Missus Dephina
Although Pheby has been protected and hasn’t worked as hard as other slaves, she has been educated and she is able think and make decisions that help her in the next part of her life. She was brought to The Lapier Jail in Richmond, Virginia, otherwise known as The Devil’s Half Acre, where she was purchased by the owner, Rubin Lapier, to be his mistriss. He was an evil man and Pheby had to always keep her whits about her and make hard choices in order to keep herself and her children safe.
That is what this book is about; survival. Not just about personal survival but history. One thing that Pheby’s mother had passed onto her, that she passed onto her children, and to other slaves was that they were only slaves in their body but not their mind. In their mind they were free. In actuality Pheby was the descendant of Queen Vinnie Brown and she shared this with her children as a point of pride. I myself don’t know if I am a descendant of royalty but I do believe that no matter what can be done to my body, I agree, my mind is as free as I let it be, so this message was very empowering for me.
There was a lot of graphic violence in this book, as would be expected in a book that was focused on slavery. Sadeqa Johnson does an amazing job using words to describe beautiful things and then change over to horrifying scenes. I would not hand this book to my 13-year-old without careful consideration and a conversation, but it is a powerful book and I appreciate the time she put into researching for her novel.
I checked my book out at The Longview Public Library. Buy your own copy of Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Great characters, very believable! Couldn’t put it down…I read it from the time I got it from the library until the wee hours of the morning. Such strength and courage! Very graphic but very powerful.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 16, 2022 | Life, Opinions, Prayers
I have been called many things in my life and they are not all good but because I have spent a lot of time with my Father in heaven I know who I am and I hope you know who you are. That doesn’t mean I don’t need a reminder sometimes and that is why I find it is really important to find time for time in the word and time to just talk to God. These times can be one, in the same, but really they are very different for me.
I woke up knowing I was supposed to write today but I couldn’t figure out how to connect parts of my life to a message until I was done with my bible study today. Right now I have a list of scriptures about Abundance and list of verses about Identity, as well as a devotional I follow daily. When I get bored with this I will change it up, what is important is that I am in the word. I don’t know how to explain it other than, I just feel more balanced when I am in the word, even if it is only for a few minutes every day. I talk to God throughout the day and night, but that time that I set aside in the word makes a huge difference in my mindset for the day.
…praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints…Ephesians 6:18
I have been rather blue for several days and yesterday I realized that part of my depression was that I was listening to lies from the deceiver and I finally told Jesus I didn’t want to hear this anymore and He took care of it. I know I can tell satan to go but I don’t like talking to them so I always go to the one who chose me, saved me and loves me most.
You know what? It always works! Prayer always works…and today…my main reason for being on Facebook shone bright: to encourage. I found several people that needed prayer, so I prayed for them, I found several really cool and encouraging things to share and I am still chewing on the idea that a random person I found myself praying for several weeks ago, posted that they had begun reading their bible in the morning and it was helping them with their day…because what if my prayer was the one that God agreed with to encourage them to change their morning routine? I am already happy they are having more balance in their life but it still blows my mind when I consider that I could impact someone’s life for the good.
Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
This is a big verse for me today and although I don’t usually share my prayers today I will share part of mine:
God, this world is hard to imagine reconciling. I see that You have reconciled us to You through Jesus and I thank You so much but there is so much division. I trust You because You are the author and finisher of my faith and You are my strength and You empower my to do Your will. Since I can’t see the path, I praise You and thank You for whatever You plan to do through me. Amen
I am so glad that God doesn’t expect perfection from me because, He knows I can’t give it to Him. I try, but I am only human and my emotions and imperfections get in the way. In spite of that He takes what I have and makes it work. He does that for us all because we are all His favorite kids. Why do you need to talk to Him and be in the word? Because that is how you know who you are.
This world lies to us every day, 24-7. It tells us we aren’t good enough. We are failures. We are stupid. We can only fail. We are only able to hurt people. Nothing we do is enough. We will never have enough pretty things. We will never have enough time. We can never undo the bad things we did or will do. It keeps us looking at others to judge them instead of cleaning up our own messes…And if we only listen to the world, this is true…but when we listen to the one who created us, who knows our hearts and loves us, as we are, we are perfect and He is responsible for the changes that will come, in time.
Doesn’t that sound more peaceful? All I am responsible for is to give Him my stress, thank Him for my blessings and let Him change my heart and mind..Let go of my anger, hurts, depression and thank Him again and somewhere in there people will see me change and they might change too. That is how salvation works. No smoke and mirrors, just love between a loving Father and a child that trying to learn how let go of the things that aren’t helping them anymore and rely on Him more and more.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 11, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
I think it is safe to say that most people know who Betty White was and so her book If You Ask Me (And of Course You Wont) might not be a stretch to want to read. It was a delightful read and really brought my spirits up and let me rest a bit to just enjoy a light read while the world kept doing what it does.
White was blunt in her communication and her writing reminds me of my sister, Jamie Holloway.
“Bets, you can lie to anyone in the world and even get away with it, perhaps, but when you are alone and look into your own eyes in the mirror, you can’t sidestep the truth. Always be sure you can meet those eyes directly. Otherwise, it’s big trouble, my girl.” Tess White, Betty White’s mother
…I think she got her honest ways from her mother.
White loved animals, all kinds. Some of her earliest memories are in the saddle with her father in the California Sierras where she also learned to love nature. What White really wanted to be when she grew up was a park ranger or a zookeeper, but those jobs weren’t available to women at the time she came of age. She was really overwhelmed with joy when she became an honorary ranger in 2010 by the U.S. Department of Agriculture Forest Service.
“If you life without passion, you can go through life without living any foot prints.” Chapter 6
Betty White believed in being honest and hard working. She needed little sleep and loved her work. Her career spans from 1949 until her death in 2021. Some of her most famous shows were: The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Mama’s Family, The Golden Girls, The Proposal, Hot in Cleveland, and Hosting SNL.
Betty White wrote that she loved writing because she could do it in her socks on the couch with her dog. Her writing is like a long and friendly conversation. I read her book in one sitting. I highly recommend reading this book and I think I will seek out her other books.
Other Documentation:
Buy your own copy of If You Ask Me (And of Course You Wont) by Betty White on Amazon
Read My Review on GoodReads:
If You Ask Me by Betty White
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I really enjoyed this book! Betty White is a joy! Her honesty is refreshing. She was a well-respected specialist in her art, but also in her love for nature preservation and animal advocacy. This book was an easy read and I would enjoy reading it again.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 10, 2022 | Life, Opinions
Today Xavier Rock’On turned 15-years-old! It has been a bumpy ride with my last codependent relationship but I can’t imagine it any other way. I sure love this guy even though when I stole a kiss I got smacked this morning…I expected nothing less! I often wonder if my OCD diagnosis is actually real or in reaction to living with this cat.
I remember the day we met and if it wasn’t for my nephew, Casey, Xavier would have never been part of my life. I had recently had a dream about a cat that looked like him and in the dream, his name was Javier (but I liked the spelling with an X better, so yes, I am one of those moms that spelled her kid’s name wrong). I had visited my mom’s church and after service, Casey, who was 7, at the time, had disappeared, so I went to find him. He was in the entry hall with this ball of fur in his arms. He wanted to love a cat so badly, but most kids with ADHD, tend to find it hard to find a cat that can put up with their constant movement, although this kitten seemed to rest and enjoy being in Casey’s arms and I was sold. I knew his mother would have to say no. I told Casey, he would have to sell it to Gramma because that is where I lived, the cat would be mine and I would name him Xavier, but we both knew Xavier would be his. It worked and funny enough, although Xavier doesn’t seem to like men, he has always liked Casey, no matter how big, hairy and smelly Casey got.
Xavier’s mother was a pure bred doll faced Persian cat, she got out and had a good afternoon and we don’t know what his father was. He has a lot of Persian cat traits, which makes him high maintenance but he seems to holding on longer than the usual 13-year life span and I am happy about that. Xavier has IBS and lives only on prescription food and treats..although because it is his birthday he will get a couple licks of tapioca pudding because HE LOVES it!
Xavier rules our home. He pretty much decides when we go to bed, when the TV gets shut off. What time I wake up and how messy the place will get before he has put up with too much. He is very vocal. He says No, Mama and Love You. He is so much like me, I find it eerie. He has learned my facial expressions and my temperament, he even gives me back my anxiety. All of this has helped me to learn as much self control as I can muster. He also wakes me before I get sick and knows how to calm me when I have an anxiety attack and will nag the heck out of me when it is time to take my meds, if I haven’t taken them. He has learned the fastest way to wake me is to bug Karen…it probably wont wake her, hardly anything does unless you have coffee and food in your hands, but my protective vibe is very strong.
He was a hard kitty to raise. He, like me, is also has very sensitive sensory issues. Sounds, lights, too much petting all can trigger bad behavior. I tried many things with him and finally in desperation I cried out to God, who told me to not yell, ever. He told me that he was like me and Casey and we were always ready to be set off so be careful to watch for changes so I know when to stop touching him. It worked. Even when Xavier forgets himself and bites me, I know he doesn’t mean to. I don’t get mad. He doesn’t have control like I do. He always makes amends later. He has learned to trust me over anyone else because he knows I know his limits.
I have a feeling a have a few more years with my buddy. He just had a week where I could tell he was feeling his years and we are having a little bit of a flare but today is a good day. I can tell because I have already been slapped for giving him a kiss on his birthday…I know the rules…but I am Mommy…I am really enjoying these later years. He is so fun now that he is slowing down. He cuddles more. This talking thing is hilarious! I am not someone who plans on having tons of pets. I like having 1 or 2 because I can’t imagine being able to bond with a ton of animals the way I can with less of them. Xavier needs to be an only animal so he is pretty special. I am very thankful for my boy! Happy birthday Xavier!
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 6, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
Do you ever just need to read something that makes you feel inspired? Well this book does it! Dream More by Dolly Parton was based on a commencement speech Parton was asked to give at the University of Tennessee in 2009; it was everything she didn’t get to say.
As part of the Dollywood Foundation their mission is to inspire children to: dream more, learn more, care more and be more. This is something that Parton, hopes that we all do.
“Well, I always pray that I have enough to share and some to spare. And so far, God has obliged me.” Dolly Parton, Chapter 2
You don’t want to confuse dreams with wishes; there is a difference. Dreams are where you visualize yourself being successful at what’s important to you. Dreams build convictions and you work hard to pay the price for success. Wishes are just hopes without passion.
Dolly works very hard and she attributes this to watching her father work very hard. Having 12 children to feed, she watched him work very hard to care for his family. She is proud of how hard he worked for his family, knowing he could never afford a day off. Dolly, herself, requires very little sleep and works long hours, giving her all to her dreams and her team.
Strong work ethic is vital. When you learn more, it becomes easier to learn so Parton encourages everyone to learn more. You must learn more before you jump on a new dream.
Being a happy person makes everything easier:
- love what you do
- like yourself
- enjoy other people: their company, their ideas, their personalities
- keep a good spiritual grip on things
- always pray for understanding and acceptance
Trust leads to respect. “When respect is gone, the biggest part of love dies.” Chapter 3
Caring is about striving for perfection. There are a lot of people that do just enough but that is not good enough.
“Being more is about following the Golden Rule and bringing into your life a commitment to be fair, generous and compassionate to everybody.” Dolly Parton, Chapter 4
When we go through down times its like God telling us to slow down and take inventory. You should always listen to that God core and care for others and the you truly will be something special.
Reading this book was a refreshing change of pace. It was an easy read. I read it in one sitting but I enjoyed listening to how much Parton loved her family. When her father told her how proud he was of her, once, she thought it was for a song she wrote or a movie she was in. When he told her it was because she was known as The Book Lady, she was really touched. She knew her father was smart, but he had never learned to read and she knew how important it was to him that she had a hand in helping children be more.
I highly recommend this book.
Other Documentation:
Dolly Parton Delivers Commencement Address at the University of Tennessee 2009 by University of Tennessee, Knoxville, May 14, 2009
Buy your own copy of Dream More by Dolly Parton on Amazon
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Dream More by Dolly Parton
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Dolly Parton is an honest and hardworking person that strives to encourage people to live their dreams. This book was an easy and refreshing read.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 5, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I have come a long way from the shy and hurting girl I once was. I am an emotional abuse and emotional neglect survivor. I don’t intend to give a lot of details because I am trying to stay in the now, where God is with me; not that He wasn’t with me in my past and He wont be with me in the future but He is actually with me now and that is actually where I am now. If you knew me before, you didn’t know me because I was busy trying to survive, which is different than trying to live.
Although I am super excited to have my ability to read back, and I am happy to be able to look for what is missing in me, the downside is that by searching for myself, I am opening chapters that I thought were closed for good. While reading Beloved, Walking in the Wind, Running on Empty and Think Like a Horse, there are parts of me that have been laid bare and I have been struggling with my past. At one point I felt like I was at a 3 day family reunion because whether I was awake or asleep, I was being visited by people I haven’t seen in years.
These people are not bad people, but they remind me of who I used to be: a girl who was scared, defensive, rejected, angry and abandoned; I become her when I am around them even now, so they have never seen the best of me. I have tried to tell them what I needed but, as they were not equipped to help me, they were unable to change at my request. It wasn’t their fault and I don’t hold it against them. I also know that I probably make them feel the same way because the bible says that in the manner we judge we are also judged…and it always seems like when I can be honest with someone about how their behavior makes me feel, they tell me they have felt the same way toward me…And for people who are able to grow with me, we are able to move on and have a deeper relationship.
It has taken a lot of prayer, repentance, and forgiveness (sometimes you have to repeat as necessary) to get myself back to the stronger, more peaceful self that I have grown accustomed to these days. I am so glad that God is always faithful, even when my faith is not big enough.
I can’t compromise anymore. The old me had to do that a lot. Regardless of who’s house I was in, I had to compromise to get by. My parents and siblings had their own trauma experiences and their own needs and vices. I understand that now, even better than I did as a child, but I have needs that I am responsible for and I have less spoons than most people because I have a sick body. It is not selfish to have boundaries, it is necessary and healthy.
I have set my family free and asked God for a clean slate for all of them. I will keep doing this as I need to because forgiveness is necessary in layers sometimes. I love them and pray for them and I mourn the loss of what I wanted and can’t have with them because when you feel scared, defensive, rejected, angry and abandoned, you can’t trust, feel respected or build relationship.
Why am I writing this? Because I need to appreciate the fight for my mental health. I inherited generational muck from wonderful, hardworking, well-meaning people who didn’t have the tools for themselves, let alone me. I didn’t deserve it, but I must handle the aftermath. They love me but our bad habits, make it impossible for me to trust myself around them right now, while I am healing, and maybe I will run out of time while we are all on this earth, to make amends, but I know God is good, and I trust Him and His Holy Spirit in us, and in case any of them are reading this I want them to know that even though I have no energy I can give them right now, I haven’t written them off.
Happy Birthday Jordan!
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 4, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
Think Like a Horse by Grant Golliher is an inspirational book for anyone, regardless of whether they are trying to run a large company or a happy home.
Make the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult.
People are like horses in that you can’t corner them and expect them to trust you — you need to create an environment where they feel safe. You need to be patient and consistent and give them the freedom to choose.
How to create a safe space:
- Set clear boundaries
- Show patience
- Show humility
- Show transparency
- Show a slowness to judge
- Have compassion for wounds we can’t see
Horses and people that don’t have a safe space will not feel safe, they will feel defensive, which they may show in many ways that wont be very productive. So whether you are in the board room or you need to move some cattle, you want your people or horses to feel safe.
Having Feel – knowing when someone or a horse is ready to share something and also knowing when to be quiet. Having feel helps you know how to push or wait, depending on the moment.
Honor the slightest try and the smallest change.
Forgiveness is a choice that not everyone can choose…but making the choice is important to your health.
Like children, when horses are not taught boundaries they will become spoiled, pushy and difficult to handle.
People who have clear boundaries are more comfortable in social settings.
“The power of a boundary is that it is voluntarily honored — and doing so establishes a relationship of mutual respect.” Chapter 14
Boundaries + Consequences + Freedom to choose = Respect
Be slow to take and quick to give.
Horses, like people, know when you really trust them or respect their power to choose or not. If you treat your horse like a slave he will do what he has to do, but he will resent it. If you haven’t established a bond with your horses, they might let you catch them in the corral because they feel like they don’t have a choice but they will leave you the first chance they get. If your relationship relies on force rather than free choice, it is not really a partnership.
If you get thrown because your horse stepped in a hole, your horse will go to what he is loyal to. If he is your partner, he will stay with you as long as you need him. If you have not earned his respect, he will go where he feels safe, to the barn where his food is. Chapter 15
Always quit on a good note.
“Humility isn’t denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses,” Rick Warren, Chapter 12
When you are working on growth it is always good to stop when you are able to say, “Good job.” Everyone likes to be appreciated.
I would like to thank my sister, Jamie Holloway for loaning me this copy of Think Like a Horse by Grant Golliher. If you would like to read her review make sure to check out JamieChasesButterflies.com.
Buy your own copy of Think Like a Horse by Grant Golliher on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Think Like a Horse: Lessons in Life, Leadership, and Empathy from an Unconventional Cowboy by Grant Golliher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book took me on a ride I wasn’t anticipating, mainly because of where I am in my life. This book is deeply compelling to those who are healing from emotional neglect. Golliher is a compassionate and good man towards his horses and the people he serves. I enjoyed his authenticity.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 29, 2022 | Life, Opinions, Prayers
I had a perfect Saturday with Karen G Clemenson. We got to have a leisurely morning, we dropped off a book at the library, mailed a letter, and drove around the lake on a perfect day, in our now working car, listening to Raeann Phillips until we found our friends for their anniversary picnic. We had a great time celebrating with them and met some lovely people…and then we went to Walmart to pick up a few things we needed. Where whether we were in our car, with a cart or without and on foot I heard a still, quiet voice tell me to stop several times because people in cars, on foot and with or without carts were not going to stop whether we had the right of way or not, in fact they weren’t seeing us at all. Which leads me to say a prayer for your eyes.
Although my Saturday was perfect, I have been under spiritual attack since then which has triggered fibromyalgia, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and overall inflammation throughout my body that is painful. I haven’t been aware of spiritual attack in a very long time. I am aware that while reading Walking on the Wind, Beloved and Running on Empty I have opened up some old chapters in my life. I also know that letter I mailed on Saturday might be taken at face value and it will be a blessing or it might not and therefore, cause strife, which will break my heart. Our actions always have consequences and even our best of intentions don’t mean anything if people can’t see the way we do.
Today in my bible study one of my verses was:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has encouraged Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted. To proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set the liberty to those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”
Luke 4:18-19
I still remember the eyes on those people, especially the ones in the cars, because they were the scariest, they were not there. Their eyes were empty and they were driving. I know I have the luxury of being more sensitive that many. I don’t work because I am sick. I sleep when I want to. I don’t watch TV very much because it stresses me out. I get to choose peace unless I am out in the world and it is easy for me to go back to my quiet music and essential oils and books when I am tired of the loud noises, lights and sounds. It is easy for me to wonder why people are too busy to not see each other.
While we were shopping I stuck to my list and I only had 2 more items, that were right next to each other, and right in front of an older gentleman wearing a mask. I chose not to wear a mask but I was keenly aware that he wore a mask for a reason, so I chose to give him his space while he read every bottle in front of him, only to eventually walk away. I pretended to read salad dressing bottles but I didn’t need any and I am a terrible actress about things I don’t need. But he did come back around and wave at me and I could see his eyes crinkle into a smile on top of his mask while I grabbed my two items and started for the cash register.
I have a friend that has been really hurt by people all his life, especially by people that were supposed to care about him and by Christians. He shares a lot of his feelings on Facebook about what churches are not doing to help the people that actually need help and I can’t say I don’t disagree with most of what he posts. It breaks my heart. As I watch Christians post their self-worship, while homeless camps still exist I know their eyes are being blinded by something. One Christian asked me about my “sin lifestyle” and I was so hurt. God doesn’t say I have that problem. But He does say we aren’t supposed to hide sexual predators in churches and in our communities, and we do, there is some sight problems there.
An old colleague posted on Facebook about an event that I have no proof of happening, that really hurt my heart. In his post people were hurt, there was a lot of chaos in Longview, and it seems that there was a lot of cover up that happened because the right people were in the right place to make sure it wasn’t spoken about. I might have passed on gossip and if I did, please forgive me. This might be a terrible fable. But it might have some truth it too. But whether this is a true story or a fable, can you see where sight is important?
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
James 4:7
That was another part of my bible study today. I have been working on that since Saturday night. Forgiving everyone I can think of, even myself. Repenting for anything that pops into my head. I was in a really scary place, emotionally and it was really making my physical pain worse. But today I slept until I was ready to wake up. I did my workout and my bible study and I think, even though I do that every day, this was the message I needed to really understand, what I needed to see, that I had already seen and what I needed to pray about.
The bible says to keep our prayers between ourselves and God, and not stand on the street and look important so I am going to keep it simple here. I am just going to ask you to pray for all our eyes; that we start seeing like Jesus so we know where to go and what to do.
You are important and worth seeing and so is EVERYONE ELSE. Jesus spent most of His time with the lowest of the low…don’t forget that. He made us all the same.
Be blessed.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 26, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Opinions
I have been working on my mental health most of my life. The first time I saw a counselor was when I was 5-years-old. I wasn’t handling the death of my great-grandmother well, so I began seeing the school counselor. I was never a stranger to the school counselor. Once out of school, I saw therapists off and on throughout the years but I really started digging deep when I was 25-years-old with my pastor. Since then I have been to many therapists. My current therapist specializes in trauma and she began using the term Emotional Neglect Survivor with me about a year ago and suggested the book Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD.
To take Emotional Neglect Questionnaire go online to:
/https://drjonicewebb.com/cen-questionnaire/
I didn’t take the test until I had finished reading the book, which I have to say I fought with. Not because it was hard to read, because it wasn’t. It was as if all the work I had been doing for the last 26 years was stuffed into 229 pages and there were proper words put into some of what I had been working through. After sitting with my thoughts for a day, I think it was just hard to know this. I am not surprised that I got 16 out of 22 on the questionnaire.
The Ordinary Healthy Parent in Action:
-
- Parent feels an emotional connection to the child.
- Parent pays attention to the child and sees him as a unique and separate person, rather than an extension of the parent, a possession or a burden.
- Using the parent/child emotional connections and paying attention, the parent responds competently to the child’s emotional needs.
I had to force myself to pay attention to the reading for the first two chapters. My natural tendency to dissociate was strong as I read. I know I have always been loved but my parents did not have all the tools they needed.
Being an extension or having the feeling of ownership was commonly felt or seen as I grew up in my family. Often I felt I was a burden, an extension and a possession. I did not express my needs because at my father’s house, he thought my mother was taking care of me and at my mother’s house, she was too overwhelmed. I got my first job at 10-years-old and began buying what I could for myself. I also helped with bills, car repairs and insurance before I was even out of high school. I was not asked. I bought expensive gifts for my sisters, who were treated more preferably. I bought gifts for my mother, for my sisters to give to her. I definitely had an extreme sense of responsibility.
When my father left, I was expected to do a lot of what he did: repairs, I could manage, holding the door for my mother, care of my sisters, who were only 3 and 5 years younger than me. I also had to learn to clean and cook at age 9 years. My sisters were taught to overlook me. I was called names and yelled at and never defended, unless I fell apart. All of this has been flooding back as I read this book. Mental health care is not for the weak.
Types of Emotional Neglectful Parents:
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- The Narcissistic Parent – They see their kids as extensions of themselves and not separate people. The needs of the children are defined by the needs of the parent and when the child expresses their needs they are accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.
- The Authoritarian Parent – Children are expected to obey without explanation or any exception for individual needs, temperament or feelings of individual children.
- The Permissive Parent – Provides no limits, structure or a strong adult presence against which the child can relate against.
- The Bereaved Parent – Divorced or Widowed and desperately trying to cope while grieving.
- The Addicted Parent – Compulsive behaviors that effect time, behavior and resources. While parents are engaged in addictive behaviors they are not actively parenting. They are like 2 people.
- The Depressed Parent – Tends to disappear, they are turned inward, focused themselves and what is wrong with themselves, worried about if they will make it. Children don’t know how to get positive attention. Bad behavior, at least gets some attention.
- The Workaholic Parent – Often driven, successful people that work long hours and are obsessed by their jobs and tend to not pay attention to the needs and feelings of their children.
- The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member – Care-giving parents are always in crisis mode and adults responsibilities are often put on the child even if unintentionally.
- The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent – Pressures their child to be perfect and achieve what the parent wants, maybe because they expect perfection from themselves or they are living vicariously through their child, or maybe because they were raised the same way and that is what they know.
- The Sociopathic Parent – Feels no guilt or empathy. Other people’s feelings are meaningless because they can’t feel them. If they can control you, they may feel love for you, but if they can’t, they may despise you, be a bully or play the victim.
- Child as Parent – Child must behave as a parent to themselves, siblings and even to parent in extreme cases. This is common in families with hardships like death, divorce, financial, addiction, mental illness or chronic illness.
- The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves-Parent – Parents that weren’t raised in homes where emotions were acknowledged or dealt with properly often don’t know how to foster this in their children even though they love their children. They simply recreate their own childhood experiences.
I can’t in good conscience call this article a book review, although I am sharing good information from the book, I am also sharing my honest responses, which believe it or not, are censored. This makes this an honest opinion piece. Because of divorce, I was raised with 3 parents. Because of their idiosyncrasies, my parents, from my perspective, fit 9 of the 12 types of ENPs and in reality if someone were to ask my siblings their feelings, they might come up with a different number that is lessor or greater than mine because we had different parents, depending on the situation and who’s house we were in.
The most important type of parent, and the point that is frequently brought up throughout the book, which I really appreciate is The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves-Parent. Fostering good emotions is a very new concept. I had what I needed, not a lot, but I had a roof over my head, enough food and clothes, shoes, I had toys and a bike. Some of my things were nicer than some of my friends, some of my things weren’t but I was satisfied. What I didn’t have and always missed was a connection with my parents and although I was always trying to get them to turn off the TV or listen to me, or do something I wanted to do, or even just let me tell my side of the story before they yelled at my for something I didn’t do, how were they able to do that, when that wasn’t shown to them by my grandparents? How could they model something they never saw because my grandparents never saw it?
In reality I am only 3 generations in The United States of America on both sides of my family. My family are immigrants and pioneers. They are workers. They didn’t have time for emotions. How can I hold that against them? I don’t. But I do have to look at me and fix me so that I can have a conversation with my father and not scream obscenities at him because my PTSD got triggered when he accused me of something my siblings told him I did, that if I did, is none of his business because we are all adults now, but I felt like a powerless child and the only words I could come up with are the ones he uses when he gets angry…which are not even ones I use. What a mess.
Do you see why fostering healthy emotions in ourselves and our children is important? I do!
The Neglected Child, All Grown Up May Feel:
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- Feelings of Emptiness
- Counter-Dependence or the fear of being dependent on anyone
- Unrealistic Self-Appraisal
- No Compassion for Self, Plenty for Others
- Guilt & Shame – What is wrong with me?
- Self-Directed Anger or Self Blame
- The Fatal Flaw (If People Really Knew Me They Wont Like Me)
- Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others
- Poor Self-Discipline
- Alexithymia or not knowing how you feel or being able to put words to your emotions
As adults we need to work on these in ourselves because we will pass these same traits onto our children. Because we didn’t know is a good excuse, but now we do so we need to start working on being better so our kids will be healthier, more productive and happier.
Suicidal Feelings
In 2007 there were 34,598 suicides, that is 95 per day. There are 1,045 suicide attempts every day.
Some Reasons for Suicide:
-
- Response to a negative event, like public failure or humiliation
- Avoid consequences
- Mental illness
- Any number of other reasons
Emptiness or numbness is worse than pain.
Common Traits of Suicidal People:
-
- Emptiness and numbness
- Suffering in silence
- Questioning the meaning and value of their life (what is the point of living)
- Escape fantasy
From the time I was 16-years-old, until I was about 25-year-old I was tortured by thoughts of suicide. Mostly it was emptiness, wanting the pain to stop, feeling like I had no choices, extreme feelings of fear and anxiety or flashbacks. It got better for a while and then came back after a terrible break up when I was 29 and then when I married Karen G Clemenson it left. I sometimes have fleeting thoughts but I tell Karen or Jamie Holloway about it. We discuss the situation and usually there is a trigger and just finding the trigger stops the feeling for me. Most recently, I hardly have to tell them any more. I can tell them I went through the process as an afterthought. Growth is awesome.
If you or someone you know are struggling with feelings of suicidal thoughts please seek help.
Go to: https://988lifeline.org/ or dial 988 for help today.
So when you realize that you are Running on Empty you have to Fill the Tank…
Factors That Get in the Way of Successful Change:
-
- False Expectations
- Avoidance
- Discomfort – change is scary
It is important to to understand that Feelings Matter and What To Do With Your Feelings:
-
- Understand the purpose and value of emotions
- Identify and name your feelings
- Learn to self-monitor your feelings
- Accept and trust your feelings
- Learn to express your feelings effectively
- Recognize and understand and value emotions in relationships
For every emotion there is a purpose. Emotions are our feedback system.
-
- Fear tells us to escape or preserve ourself.
- Anger pushes us to fight back or protect ourself.
- Love drives us to care for our spouse, children or others.
- Passion drives us to procreate, create and invent.
- Hurt pushes us to correct a situation.
- Sadness tells us we are losing something important.
- Compassion pushes us to help others.
- Disgust tells us to avoid something.
- Curiosity drives us to explore and learn.
In a healthy relationship you are able to say something like: When you don’t respond to my messages or invite me to events, I feel rejected. If the person cares about you, they will probably make an effort to respond better to you. In an unhealthy relationship the person will probably become defensive. I have experienced both. I don’t give my time to the latter group anymore. When I was told I was the only one with the problem, it took me a while to realize they weren’t going to change but eventually, as I learned to value myself, I chose to not choose to be rejected anymore.
I now choose to give my time to people that make time for me, that validate me and support me and show that they see me as an individual. I am seeing more growth in myself and a lot more peace. I also have more to give to my friends and adopted family.
Self-Care
-
- Nurturing yourself:
– putting yourself first
– learning to say no
– asking for help
– discover likes and dislikes
– put higher priority on personal enjoyment
– eating well
– exercise
– rest and relaxation
- Improve self-discipline
- Self-soothing:
– bubble bath
– long hot shower
– listening to music
– cook or bake
– spend time with pet
– detail car
– play with kids
– exercise
– go for a walk
– play an instrument
– enjoy essential oils
– call a friend
– cloud watch
– clean
– got to the movies
– look out the window
– meditate
– positive self-talk
- Have compassion for yourself
- Allow yourself to be human
Self-care is really important and it can be difficult to build a routine but be patient with yourself. Start with one new habit at a time. I have been working for years to create better habits for myself. I fail, forgive myself, and I start over all the time. It part of being human.
I am not a parent yet. I hope to foster or adopt in the future. This is part of what fuels my fervent search for peace in myself. I promised myself I would never become a parent unless I could give my children what I didn’t have, emotional stability, involved parents and peace. Right now we are still working on financial stability which does play a part in emotional stability. I am lucky that I have a partner that wants peace and communication as much as I do.
For people that have children and want to end the cycle there are very helpful techniques listed in the book. There is also a section for professionals and resources. Running on Empty is a very easy to read but hard to digest in one sitting book, meaning you may need to take it in bites. It is painful to read some of the truths in this book if you aren’t ready for them. Change is hard, like I said, but it is worth it. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is trying to find what is missing inside themselves.
Buy your own copy of Running on Empty Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD with Christine Mussello, PsyD on Amazon.
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Read My Review on GoodReads:
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This was an important book to read for me. Although I have been working on the things spoken of in this book for about 26 years, many of the principles didn’t have names. Emotional Neglect is a term I only heard in the last year or so with my current therapist, who suggested I read this book. Although I had to force myself to not dissociate while I read the first 2 chapters and I struggled through other parts of the book, I believe that too is important to my growth.
I love that the author states that most of us are Emotional Neglect survivors because no one knew to foster healthy emotions in their children, so while it was my parent’s responsibility to do this, it is easy for me to have compassion for them too, because they couldn’t teach me what they didn’t know. In a world we are quick to lay blame, I think this viewpoint is healthy in helping us take responsibility for our wellness now.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 25, 2022 | Food, Life, Opinions
Sometimes you get to choose your dinner and sometimes you eat what you have. I am calling our meal tonight A Lentil Party Dinner because I can. It sounds fun and there are ingredients I am only used to seeing at a party in our meal because a friend gave them to us and I am grateful and didn’t want to be wasteful so I got creative.
Unlike most of my posts that are pretty well thought out, this one is off the cuff so it will have more candor. Maybe we will have more fun. I have been trying to change things up in the last week because I have become bored with the every day things that must be done, but I realize they don’t have to be done the same way. This means my workouts have taken different forms, I have let myself sleep more and my meals are random and smaller most of the time. Today I did a Gua Sha massage on my left leg with my rose quartz stone, that Jamie Holloway gave me. I used Balance and Aroma Touch and focused on deep breathing and thought about how I love myself and how Jamie loves me, when I looked at the stone. These massages hurt a lot but they help with my lymphedema and I could tell by the end that the shape of my leg was different and the color of my skin was better. Self-care is very important.
Eating is part of self-care. It is important to try to bring balance to our diet. Regardless of your food philosophy, or beliefs, proper nutrition is vital to loving yourself. Although I consider Little Smokies and Cream Cheese to be party foods, I do see they have some value and they are not without a level of fun to a regular diet. By no means, are we perfect in our diet plan. Karen G Clemenson and I are both living with sugar addiction that we try to keep at bay, but we regularly enjoy desert, in reasonable servings.
So where is the fun, I promised? I don’t know. I just finished reading a very emotional book and I just didn’t want to write a book review yet. So I thought I would share with you how I cleaned out our pantry items and a few odds and ends to make a yummy stew…We are very lucky that with the car repairs that we have had to endure, that we have had friends that have helped us. We were not expecting this level of expense. We were not expecting to go almost 2 weeks without the car. Both of these things have made life more of a challenge. Literally there have been times that I was about to explode and my eye caught a scripture that I happened to write on a note card and taped to the wall, at some point, that was perfect for that moment. Let me tell you, God is good all the time.
Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.
2 Corinthians 2:14
So…anyway here is what I did to make A Lentil Party Dinner…
I chopped up:
- 3 onions
- 4 carrots
- 4 celery stalks
- 2 zuccini
- 2 packages of little smokies
…and added each item to the crock pot on high to get them going with some olive oil, salt and pepper.
Then I rinsed a bag of lentils and added them to the crock pot along with:
- a box of Organic Beef Bone Broth
- a package of Cream Cheese chopped up
- a few cubes of gluten free beef and chicken bullion (to taste)
- enough water to level it off
After about an hour, I reduced heat to low, gave a good stir and tasted the broth, then added:
- Pepper (to taste)
- Garlic powder (to taste)
- Italian Seasoning (to taste)
Then I left it alone for several hours…I got some cleaning done and took a nap.
I was careful to not add a lot of salt to this dish. The Little Smokies and the Cream Cheese have a lot of sodium, as well as the Bone Broth and bouillon and it did not need it. The Smokies gave the whole pot a huge amount of smokiness and the Cream Cheese gave a creaminess to the broth. It was wonderful.
…we also got a good blend of vegetables which are full of nutrients and fiber (which my primary doctor is very adamant that I need), and some good vegetable protein, while having a fun stew that is filling…it is also very gaseous…I forgot to add bay leaves when cooking…Bay Leaves usually help and they also have a lot of health benefits…
I was so thankful for my blend of Essential Oils I use to help with gas…Contact Me if you want me to give you my recipe…even the peppermint tea helped but I am still processing…Cancer meds make gas worse, in case you didn’t know that…Getting older is a gift but it is not for the weak!
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 22, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
Walking on the Wind Cherokee Teachings for Harmony & Balance by Michael Tlanusta Garrett was a joy to read not just because of the short stories and anecdotes but the great and simple wisdom found on every page. It was a book I didn’t want to end and look forward to enjoying again and again.
There were a few main “rules or beliefs” that Garrett seemed to rely strongly on for explanation of many things. One was the Rule of Acceptance. This was an answer given to him by his father for many questions he asked while growing up.
The Rule of Acceptance says:
- It is important to listen and open our spirit by giving away our need to control or change other people.
- Sometimes it is not the right answer but the right question and being ready for what comes that is important. If you have to ask you may not be ready.
- Things that need to happen have a way of happening regardless of our expectations so our responsibility is to let life happen and to make good choices instead of forcing life to happen.
- Expect nothing and appreciate the value of everything.
- Right or wrong are considered relative and limiting value terms that potentially rob a person of the opportunity to experience life fully in mind, body, spirit and natural environment and thus to learn from his or her experiences.
- There is a natural way of things.
- Knowing that everything has its purpose and its own time.
Cherokee spiritual beliefs require harmony and balance which emphasizes:
- Everything is alive.
- Everything has a purpose.
- All things are connected.
- We can embrace the Medicine of all living things as we are all walking together in The Circle.
The Circle reflects the interrelationship of all living beings and the natural progression or growth of life itself. Harmony and balance are necessary for the survival of all life. The Circle honors all that is, all that has ever been, and all that will ever be.
- Creator
- Mother Earth
- Ourselves
- The 4 Directions
Medicine is the inner power that connects to all living beings through the heart. It can be used for creative or destructive purposes, either contributing or taking away from the Greater Circle of Life.
Being in harmony means being in step with the universe; being in disharmony means being out of step with the universe.
“Harmony and balance is not a point that you eventually reach and then have to figure out a way to stay there; it is a constant state of living and learning — with clarity and compassion.” Chapter 11
7 Life Lessons in the Rule of Opposites:
- Opposites are extensions of themselves, one opposite implies the other in the Great Circle.
- We choose our opposites — we are the source of our difficulty (until we learn we have wisdom to create more options).
- Everything serves a meaningful and important purpose in our lives.
- Asking the right questions, instead of asking for the right answer will teach us why we are asking questions and not just answering questions.
- Questioning assumptions and recognizing underlying meanings or truths might be more important than learning what really happened.
- Understanding underlying truths eliminates need for discord in our lives.
- Through choice of perspective and appropriate actions, we are free to balance ourselves as we see fit.
Keeping It All Balanced:
- Find your own intuitive energy and listen to it.
- Find how you are good at helping others.
- Make sure to laugh every day and look for joy.
- Be open to the energy all around us and enjoy it.
- Eat well.
- Get outside and move.
- Celebrate life and love by opening all senses and sharing feelings with a special person.
- Use quiet times to release stress, anxiety, fear and pain that you experience in life.
- Find your own vision. What works for others might not work for you.
“…when we look at something as a gift, we tend to accept it as it is, to appreciate it as it is, and it just makes us feel good. There is a sense of connection. It touches something within us and somehow grants us sacred moments of harmony.” Chapter 12
There are so many answers to life to be found in Walking on the Wind Cherokee Teachings for Harmony & Balance. This book also encouraged many other books to read so my reading list has grown considerably. I am excited about that too. I hope you enjoyed this review.
You can get your own copy of Walking on the Wind Cherokee Teachings for Harmony & Balance by Michael Tlanusta Garrett on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Walking on the Wind: Cherokee Teachings for Harmony and Balance by Michael Tlanusta Garrett
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Very inspirational read. I will read again and again. I also was inspired to write other books mentioned in the text that I intend to look into. Beautifully written; humble, insightful and spiritually inspirational for anyone on many types of journeys.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 19, 2022 | About Summer, Cancer, Life, Opinions
I have been very tired this week. Literally most of what I do is sleep. I am sure a lot of that is because my body is fighting the cancer. Yes. We have confirmation after my last procedure that the treatment is working. My body is killing the cancer. The tissue samples in my 2nd procedure were rubbery but my samples from last procedure were soft and brown, which is more normal. That means the IUD and the medication is helping my body get rid of the cancer on its own. If things keep going in this direction, after my next procedure in November we can start spreading out the procedures and maybe even cut back on the meds. This makes me very happy.
We have had a lot of trials to overcome. This week is not without them. My sister, Jamie Holloway, is still in the hospital. She is planning to have surgery on Thursday to have stints put in her lungs on Thursday. She is also confronting the reality that she is at the point that she has to give up much of her freedom. Her doctors want her to go to a group home where she will have round the clock care, which sounds great but she won’t be able to have her cat with her or visitors and she isn’t sure about her books or her internet. These are all her security blankets. She asked my opinion and I started asking questions. Before we could get really anywhere she told me she was going to ask about assisted living where she could have her cat, visitors and internet. I told her I felt that she would not do well in a place that did not let her have these things. She agreed.
I am heartbroken.
I just got off my Zoom appointment with my psychiatrist. He is nice but he isn’t my therapist. He is mainly there to make sure my meds are correct. They are. Even he asked if I had spoken with my therapist about Jamie. I look forward to Monday when I talk to my therapist.
I hadn’t realized how sick my friend was until I saw her in the ICU. It took me seeing her being helped by 2 nurses, knowing that they don’t put you in the ICU for no reason, to know that my friend and I might not get to do some of the adventures we dreamed of.
And He said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast, and now they were not able to draw it in because of the multitude of fish.
John 21:6
God gave me this message a few weeks ago. I have been chewing on it for a while. I wasn’t sure what it would look like because I wasn’t ready to write it. I have been reading a lot. I have been trying to live better. Enjoy life better. As our car is still at the shop because we don’t quite have all the money to pay for it and there are programs we have been waiting YEARS for that we know we are eligible for, but for whatever reason we are still waiting for, I could let myself be pretty let down with this side of the boat, but I know that there is another side of the boat.
On the other side of the boat, Jamie is safe. She is cared for and Nicholas, her cat is safe with Jamie’s brother’s family. Karen and I have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes and shoes to wear and we too are safe. We have everything we need. Not only that, we like each other and enjoy each other and many married couples can’t say that. Karen got hired on at another job that she will start this weekend. Although I don’t like her having to have this other job, I appreciate that she is willing to do it so our bills can be paid and we can save for emergencies like the car breaking down. Or better yet, trading this one in for vehicle that works better for us both.
I have been reading all kinds of books lately. I had to leave some people I love on their path because they were taking away from my harmony and balance. It is hard. It doesn’t turn off my love for them but it helps me heal and learn my harmony and balance so I can be a better person. From what I have read, it seems that in many religions there is a higher power or Creator, and the main goal is to learn peace, harmony and balance with others and to learn how to love others which doesn’t always mean staying with people that promote chaos and drama, whether intentional or not. Most religions promote listening over talking. I find this refreshing. Most religions teach a connection with all living things. I feel this. I have always felt this. I don’t believe this takes away from the teachings of Jesus, in fact I think it enlightens them.
Did you know that our Cherokee brothers call our White brothers, brothers? Even with all the terrible lies we told them and everything we took from them, they consider them on their own path. The Cherokee have sacred teachings about everything from the beginning of time that talk about global warming and chronic illness, their teachings and ways would have protected us longer. They believe that their White brothers are just not as advanced on their path. That is how they talk about people that look like me.
I am reading Beloved by Toni Morrison right now too. If you have never read it, it is a novel where most of the characters were slaves at one point in their lives and they were from plantations where the masters were terrible. I have read easier to read stories. This is not one of them. One of the characters says that White people don’t know when to stop.
As I process these different ideas and books I know that not all White people are evil. This is a good time to fish on the other side of the boat. For every evil person, there were people that taught others to read, gave them food, took care of their wounds, gave them jobs and were their friend. There were advocates of every color and creed. There still are.
Why am I doing this? I am searching for myself. When I told certain people I had to leave them, I lost everyone. My family doesn’t reach out to me; they don’t answer me. I felt disconnected. But I am not. Karen is my family. God is my family. Everyone is my family. I am looking for what I don’t know that is missing in me. So I am reading autobiographies, random novels by powerful authors and everyday I am in the bible. I am fishing on the other side of the boat and I am amazed at what I am finding.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 16, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I can’t sleep. My sister, Jamie Holloway, is in the hospital and I just can’t shut my mind off. She deserves a visitor every day and I wish I could be there but our car broke down on Saturday, on our way home from seeing her, and I just can’t get to her. I know so many people that love her but they are busy people…this world has become so busy. A visit is so hard to come by these days, yet that is what she needs, not a text, a card or another stuffed animal, just someone to sit with her for an hour; maybe make some calls for her because she can’t talk right now, answer some texts because she is having trouble and someone to let her know that she is important enough to give an hour of their time. She can only have one visitor a day. It isn’t like she needs a circus to show up. Even though time is hard, love anyway.
I have never seen Jamie this tired before. She is in the ICU. She can’t tell me why, but it occurred to me that maybe I have gotten used to her way of living, connected to her machines at home. Maybe she needs more care than any of us realize. Maybe Jamie needs more than we all realize. Maybe our Jamie is more fragile than we want to see. She is a warrior, for sure, but she is so tired. I get scared that I might take for granted the time I have left to listen to my friend and love my friend here on earth.
As we were driving home from PeaceHealth Southwest Washington, the traffic was thick on I-5 North, as we got closer to the Clark County Fairgrounds. No fair for 2 years, because of COVID meant everyone was trying to get there. Thankfully that also meant when we heard the belt break and the fan hit the wall of where the engine is, we were not going fast and it was easy to pull over.
It was easily over 80 degrees at about 6 pm. We sat quietly, thinking. I try to give my wife time to do that. She is older than me and I like to not run her over with my fast brain. I wasn’t sure what was going through her head but I knew we didn’t have money for this, which is why we hadn’t reinstated our AAA membership. Our insurance would reimburse us but we still had to put money up for the tow initially so we were back to money, so in my mind we were looking at AAA again. I checked my credit card and it was short the amount to pay for our annual membership. I checked hers and it was enough. I stayed quiet.
At some point a big red truck drove by with a sticker that said, “Fuck Biden,” on it. I felt like I had been punched in the face.
I stayed quiet. (Praying for the president is in the bible, by the way…cursing the president is a bad idea…no matter who you like politically)
I was trying to focus on the beautiful tall grass, blowing in the breeze. The sky was gorgeous! Then some kids got out to throw up in the grass in front of our car and got back in their car and left.
Finally I asked Karen G Clemenson what she was thinking about and she wasn’t really sure. I mentioned that if we didn’t drive this car that the repair might be very affordable. My credit card did not have enough room on it to reinstate our AAA but her’s did; then I stopped and let her chew on that for a bit.
I was watching her melt, so I showed her how to move her visor to block the direct sun. She appreciated that. She was complaining a lot. I was silent. That is one difference between us. I suffer quietly. She doesn’t.
Finally she told me that the AAA idea was probably the best idea. I didn’t bring my headset and my phone is so near death, I am surprised it works at all. I told her she would have to call on her phone and gave her my card with all the information. Soon we were waiting for our tow truck.
While we waited another truck came by. It had a big flag sticking out of the bed that said, “TRUMP 2024 FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!” I felt like I had been punched in the gut.
I didn’t want to be quiet anymore. Regardless of your political persuasion why is it ok to not care about people anymore?
Why do we not care about ourselves?
I know that the people that have the word FUCK on their vehicles are not my audience and I am not overly sensitive about that word, although as I get older I tend to agree more and more with my Nana about how much more creative and intelligent people are that choose to use the thousands of other adjectives there are available to us besides that word. But why is loving and caring about people such an inconvenience anymore?
I don’t care about changing the world anymore. I used to and I know now that I can’t do that. I can influence people in front of me. I can change myself. This what I can do. So for those who can afford to send money to far away places and save people you will never meet, I thank God for you. But for everyone else, I ask you, remember the people you see everyday. Or chat with. Make time for the people who can’t leave their home or hospital bed. For every person that says: you don’t matter. Try to tell someone they do matter.
Love Anyway. It’s important.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 11, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
In the Name of Gucci A Memoir is written by Patricia Gucci, the daughter of Aldo Gucci and Bruna Palombo.
The Gucci brand was first created by Patricia’s grandfather, Guccio Gucci, whom she never met, in 1921 under the name G. GUCCI & Co. The First Gucci Logo was a young page in full livery and a cap carrying a suitcase in one hand and a Gladstone bag in the other hand to memorialize his first job as a page at the Savoy Hotel in England.
The workshop was filled with wholesale leather from Germany, made very affordable following World War I. Guccio planned to create superior leather goods with lesser quality hides by using skilled dyeing and treating techniques. As the business grew he also offered repair services.
Guccio Gucci was short-tempered and had little patience and was known to be a perfectionist. He believed in family and commitment to business came first. He instilled a competitive spirit amongst his children and expected his family to present themselves to the world with fine clothes, grace and gentility to make the best possible impression.
Guccio pushed his sons, Aldo, Vasco and Rodolfo to run deliveries in order to help the business grow. Guccio’s daughter, Grimalda, ran the cash register along with her mother, Aida who also ran the staff as tightly as she ran her household. As he grew, Guccio’s oldest son, Aldo showed that he had the same zeal for the company as his father and he also had the entrepreneurial spirit needed to make Gucci the world renowned empire it would become.
Aldo had tons of energy and passion. He loved business, family and women. He traveled constantly, looking for new ideas and types of hides and fabrics to use for products. Since Italy is so centrally located they were often affected by wars, making leather hard to come by, creating a need to find other fabrics that could be used for Gucci’s high end products. In his travels, Aldo met many people and women. In 1927, his father forced Aldo to marry Olwen Price. Pregnant with his first son, Guccio would not allow Aldo to leave her uncared for. This loveless marriage produced 3 sons: Giorgio, Paolo and Roberto. Aldo was rarely home and his wife made peace with raising the children on her own. It was illegal to divorce in Italy until the late 1970’s and it was unheard of in the Catholic Church.
Guccio was so passionate about his work that he would wave pieces of leather under his grandchildren’s noses and tell them this was the smell of their future. Aldo also fostered the competitive spirit in his children and enlisted them in the stockroom and deliveries just as his father had done, in order to ready them for a future in the company he was helping to build for them.
As Guccio and Aldo slowly added stores throughout Italy and Rome they also agreed to simplify the the logo to the double G’s we know now. The simplified logo would last much longer than the more complicated and personal one they had been using.
The first Gucci Store to open in The United States was in November of 1953, although Guccio did not see it, he had passed away in January, yet he had given his blessing and passed the torch onto Aldo to grow the company.
In April of 1956, 18-year-old Bruna Palomba made her way to the Gucci store at 21 Via Condotti, Rome to apply for a job. She was engaged, but not happy with her fiancé who was much like her controlling father and brother, she wanted to make her own money and she was happy to be hired. She started in the storeroom and quickly was promoted to the shop floor. Each time she ran into Dr. Aldo Gucci he was very kind to her and complimentary. When his secretary had to leave her position, Bruna was given this job where she had much more time with him. His kindness increased, as well as the flirting and gifts.
Although he was a public figure, and married he pursued Bruna unceasingly. Even though she asked him to stop. Eventually she too could not ignore her feelings. She ended her relationship with her fiancé but still tried to resist Aldo for as long as she could.
Throughout the years, Aldo continued to travel constantly, building the Gucci name. He took care of his first wife and children. He also made time for Bruna and their daughter Patricia; they were alone a lot but they looked forward to their time with him as he was the light of their life. In the end, Aldo’s nephew, which he had taken under his wing to personally train, and his son’s locked him out of his company and sold all their shares to another company, breaking his heart. But he was able to see that Bruna and Patricia were there always and his faith helped him through this hard time.
Because of choices he didn’t always have full control over he had been made to pay dearly by paying back taxes, losing his ability to live in The United States, having to sell many of his properties and artifacts and doing time in prison but he always tried to live life gracefully. He could have run back to Italy, but he chose to stay and face his responsibilities and I really respect that. When he died in January of 1990, of cancer, Aldo had said all he needed to say and made peace with his family.
I really enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. I meant to check out a different book, that my nephew had suggested, but the library doesn’t have it yet and they gave me this one. I believe Patricia Gucci did an excellent job of pulling me into her family and helping me to see their humanity. I highly recommend this book.
I checked out my copy from the Longview Public Library but you can purchase your own copy of In the Name of Gucci A Memoir by Patricia Gucci on Amazon
In the Name of Gucci by Patricia Gucci
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Patricia Gucci drew me into her family. I finished the book last night and I am still mourning the death of Aldo Gucci, although he passed away over 30 years ago and I only met him this week. I am not one that cares for brands and self-importance but I understand building a company and I understand family. The culture of the time and differences between all the countries are romantic. I was truly pulled in and able to see the passion these people had for each other and the Gucci brand and I could feel the pain of betrayal that Aldo felt as his sons and nephew took advantage of his years of building only to lock him out and sell, yet he forgave as best he could. Bravo!
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 6, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros was a wonderful surprise. this was the second book I have read by this author and this book is very different from Carmelo.
As a collection of short stories, The House on Mango Street tells about the all the families and people that live on Mango Street.
“I want to be
like the waves on the sea,
like the clouds in the wind,
but like me.
One day I’ll jump
out of my skin.
I’ll shake the sky
like a hundred violins.”
Chapter 58
This book is about growing up. It is about being a girl. It is about dreaming dreams. It took me a minute for me to catch on, but I eventually fell in love with The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros.
Buy your own copy of The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros on Amazon
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
I love the idea that this book is made of many little stories but I didn’t totally feel like the stories were truly linked together, however they were in a disconnected, connected way. I do love they way Cisneros uses words.
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 4, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
I bought Born Standing Up A Comic’s Life by Steve Martin with my wife, Karen G Clemenson, in mind. I enjoy Steve Martin but Karen really loves him. She has been so busy so I got to this book first and I have really enjoyed the conversational manner that Martin writes.
Steve Martin is actually a pretty serious guy who seems to enjoy a semi-solitary existence. Born in Texas, his father, wanting Martin to be an actor, moved the family to California. Martin was an average student as a boy, but he was very devoted to learning magic tricks, comedy on the radio and TV, and teaching himself to pay the banjo by slowing down records and learning the sounds.
His first job was at the newly opened Disneyland, just 2 miles from his home. At 10-years-old he sold Disneyland guidebooks on the weekends and had free access to the park. As he got too old to sell guidebooks, Martin learned rope tricks and tight rope walking and enjoyed helping and learning new tricks in the 2 magic shops located in Disneyland. He also saw his first live performances there, which helped him later on.
Steve Martin’s 2nd job was at Knott’s Berry Farm at The Bird Cage Theatre. He was able to collaborate and learn a lot from performances there. From a relationship he had made there he later was invited to be a writer for the Smother’s Brother’s Show. He also wrote for the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour.
Martin was always learning in any way he could. When he went to college he was no longer an average student but an A student. He studied philosophy until he felt as though he could argue there was no reason for philosophy and changed his studies to TV production.
Despite the fact that Martin suffered with hypochondria and anxiety attacks, he was able to overcome these and he spent a lot of time finding clubs where he could hone his standup comedy acts. He always worked to be original, making sure to not copy other artists and leave people wanting more. He came up with the anti-climatic punchline and he made sure never show to his doubt in any performance.
Martin’s first appearance on TV was on The Steve Allen Show, he also was on the Merv Griffin Show, Virginia Graham Show, Mike Douglas Show, he opened for Ann-Margret in 1971 and his first appearance on the Johnny Carson show was in October 1972. The first time that Steve Martin hosted Saturday Night Live was in October 1976.
“Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.” Steve Martin
Surprisingly he father was not supportive of his career choices, even writing a bad review of him in the local newsletter where he lived. Martin’s mother didn’t like the content of his shows but she was very proud of his fame.
Steve Martin is not a man that just sits and lets life happen. He is an intelligent man, an educated man and he has worked hard for the fame he has earned. He is not just an actor and comedian. He is a musician. He has written several, books, screenplays and plays. I never realized how hard it is to be a comedian. The preparation and dedication to originality is amazing. I really enjoyed this book, I had a hard time putting it down.
Buy your own copy of Born Standing Up A Comic’s Life by Steve Martin on Amazon
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 31, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
If you are looking for an adventure, Life of Pi by Yann Martel is a perfect literary escapade. Life of Pi starts out fascinating to me, a child raised in the United States and not in India and not the child of zookeepers.
“In many ways, running a zoo is a hotel-keeper’s worst nightmare. Consider: the guests never leave their rooms; they expect not only lodging but full board; they receive a constant flow of visitors, some of whom are noisy and unruly. One has to wait until they saunter to their balconies, so to speak, before one can clean their rooms, and then one has to wait until they tire of the view and return to their room before one can clean their balconies; and there is much cleaning to do, for the guests are as unhygienic as alcoholics. Each guest is very particular about his or her diet, constantly complains about the slowness of the service, and never ever tips. To speak frankly, many are sexual deviants, either terribly repressed and subject to explosions of frenzied lasciviousness or openly depraved, in either case regularly affronting management with gross outrages of free sex and incest.” Chapter 4
Ordinary in many other ways, our main character, is quiet and the opposite to his athletic older brother. Given a name that is easy to tease, he has to be brave and rename himself Pi, as in π or 3.14. Pi lives in a country where religion is taken very seriously but most people choose Hindu, Muslim or Christian, not all three. It is different, but Pi’s mother can’t find a reason to make him stop studying all 3 religions so it is allowed.
“Though she had lived in Toronto for over 30 years, her French-speaking mind still slips on occasion on the understanding of English sounds. And so when she first heard of Hare Krishnas, she didn’t hear right. She heard ‘Hairless Christians,’ and that’s what they were to her for many years. When I corrected her, I told her that in fact she was not wrong; that Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God are hat-wearing Muslims,” Chapter 16
Pi’s life is ordinary to him until his father gets the idea to sell the zoo and move his family to Canada. Regardless of how his family feels, deals are struck and the family finds themselves on the Japanese cargo ship, Tsimtsam along with several wild animals that they are delivering to new places.
While they slept, one night Pi is awakened by an odd sound and he gets out of bed to see what happened only to find the ship is sinking fast! Before he knows it, he finds himself in a lifeboat with a zebra, an orangutan, a hyena and a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. By morning, this 16-year-old boy has lost his entire family and must learn to survive in the most extreme circumstances.
“Life on the lifeboat isn’t much of a life. It is like an end game in chess, a game with few pieces. The elements couldn’t be more simple, nor the stakes higher, Physically it is extraordinarily arduous, and morally it is killing. You must make adjustments if you want to survive. Much becomes expendable. You get your happiness where you can. You reach a point where you’re at the bottom of hell, yet you have your arms crossed and a smile on your face, and your feel you’re the luckiest person on earth. Why? Because at your feet you have a tiny dead fish.” Chapter 78
For over 6 months this young man figured out how to survive on the lifeboat. He made choices. He accepted loss. At times you forget he is only a boy and then other times you want to grab him and hold him tight. His devotion to his faith carried him through because that is what faith does. No matter what name you call it by.
“This beach, so soft firm and vast, was like the cheek of God, and somewhere two eyes were glittering with pleasure and a mouth was smiling at having me there.” chapter 94
I am glad I decided to read this book. It wasn’t the smoothest read but I know it was important for the part of life I am in for right now. Not all paths are smooth and sometimes seeing how others struggle through and listen to the wisdom inside ourselves, even when no one believes us, is exactly what we need.
I checked my book out at the Longview Public Library but your can buy your own copy of Life of Pi by Yann Martel on Amazon.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 25, 2022 | About Summer, Community, Life, Opinions, Queer Community
This weekend I was accused of being a pacifist by someone I consider a child. Not that they weren’t of adult age but they were in their early 20’s, they have never had a job because they are disabled and they still live with their parents. I remember being in my 20’s I thought I knew a lot. I knew some, but I didn’t know what I know now, which is, I know a little more and asking questions is the best way to make sure you understood what someone meant, listening is the best way to hear the whole comment and not speaking at all is sometimes wise. I never could ask this person about themselves because they shouted at me each time I spoke, even though I was talking about myself. I was very confused. But there are many ways to stand.
We were talking about police and it was clear that they did not like the police. They could not understand my stance. I have had little experience with the police but my few experiences were fine. I respect the police. I believe that it is our responsibility to remain calm when dealing with the police. I don’t know what they just dealt with. I don’t need to trigger them, even if I think they stopped me for no reason; which I have never experienced. Since I have training in trauma de-escalation it is my responsibility to use it, even when dealing with the police. I use it with every chance I need to. When people are yelling, I don’t believe they are communicating well. I don’t believe that it is the police officer’s responsibility to make me choose good behavior.
I should mention that the person was part of a group of people who all joined in, it was quite shocking to me; I have never understood group think. I am suddenly being told about systemic racism and male superiority…blah blah blah…Hello! We live in Longview, Washington. That is everywhere, not just at the police station. Eventually I stopped talking because I don’t believe in arguing with people that can’t or wont let me finish my sentences. But that accusation stuck with me. The look on their faces when I had told them that I had just spent the week reading about Gandhi and I just didn’t believe we needed to start out situations fighting…I felt really pushed out.
I have given a lot of thought to that experience. Not everyone thinks the way I do. Not everyone is blessed with the time I have had to be in therapy and to study the bible and be with God as much as I have. Not everyone has been able to read the books I have that have helped me. A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson really answered a question I have had for most of my life: The meaning of life is to unlearn fear and relearn to love. It fit in what was already in my heart. It made sense. Not going to church regularly for the last 20 years has been a blessing because church politics really slows down the process of knowing Jesus. Many people don’t know there is value in these things to even aspire to them.
We are all hurting people. We all have our traumas. The people I was talking to have been hurt. Unlike myself, who didn’t know I was queer until I was almost 40, these people knew their whole lives and they have been shut out, put down and abused by our community. They have had to fight and defend themselves, for being themselves, for years. This is what they know. I understand this for being female and fat and now disabled, but it has only been the last 8 years that I have learned that it is also like this when you are queer and black and sometimes when you have a cat…That is what I felt in my spirit when I was considering my experience. Until we learn to communicate in a different way, we fight. It is just like this for gay people. I have experienced this in lots of situations with people who have experienced trauma.
I think differently because I don’t rely on newspapers and television to feed my mind. I choose positive music, books and people to talk to; I choose my news media very carefully. I talk to God all the time and He loves everyone and He shows me how to have compassion and see other perspectives. I am blessed because I can stand with Him and know I am never alone. It is easy for me to choose peace first.
After coming to peace with the people I had thought were my adversaries but were really hurt people, defending themselves, I wanted to make sure I understood the word Pacifism. I used to throw it around carelessly when I was a young woman but I have learned to not be careless with my words if I can help it.
Pacifism is a commitment to peace and an opposition to violence. Some people who aspire to pacifism believe specifically that war is wrong and that pacifism should also be used to promote social justice and human rights. Gandhi often used the word Ahimsa along with pacifism which some say is like love in action. When I read his autobiography, the best way I understood him was to say it was a perfect love and non-violence. But Gandhi is not the only voice that has told me about being a peacemaker. Jesus spoke of being a peacemaker on the Mount of Olives in Matthew, Chapter 5; Jesus said peacemakers are blessed.
There are 5 Types of Pacifism:
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- Absolute Pacifism
An absolute pacifist believes that it is never right to take part in war. Their view is that the value of human life never justifies killing a person deliberately, even in self-defence.
- Militant Pacifism
Militant pacifists will use every peaceful method at their disposal to oppose violence and war. This may include civil disobedience which may result in imprisonment or even death.
- Conditional Pacifism
Conditional pacifists are against war and violence in principle, but they accept that there may be circumstances when war may lead to less suffering.
- Selective Pacifism
Selective pacifists only oppose wars involving weapons of mass destruction (nuclear, chemical or biological weapons) because of their uniquely devastating consequences to not only humans, but to all living things. Large scale use of weapons of mass destruction also raises the prospect of the annihilation of humans as a species.
- Active Pacifism
Active pacifists advocate peace and argue against violence and war.
According to these precepts I believe that the last three are true for me; Conditional, Selective and Active Pacifism are all true for me but not only in war but in every day life. As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder I am more sensitive than some people and I don’t need a trigger. That is not anyone’s responsibility but my own but because I feel so much I see that we hurt each other so easily. Yelling is violence. Calling names is violence. Refusing to put down our phones and look at each other is neglect. Not letting someone finish their sentence and attacking them before you have heard their whole thought is abuse. We don’t think about these things because we see on TV that people are dismissive, selfish and covetous all the time so we think this is acceptable. It is but it is not beneficial to our health.
The bible says that all things are permissible but not everything is good for us (1 Corinthians 10:23). War is a good way to make money but is it good for life and Godliness? It is good for our mental health and relationships? I do believe that we live in a world of humans and humans require war sometimes. War is unavoidable at times but when I say war I am talking at many levels.
I can always tell when families yell at each other. Their kids scream and their dogs bark uncontrollably. Families that practice listening to each other, speaking kindly, listening to each other, asking questions and making time for conversation have children that are patient and dogs that can wait.
When you are angry with me if you come at me accusing me, I promise you, I will be triggered and I wont hear you because I too have my own trauma experiences. But if you come to me, calmly, and tell me I hurt your feelings we will have a conversation where we will both grown.
If you can remain calm when you are dealing with a police officer, speak kindly, do what you are told, even if you are feel disrespected, your chances of going home are higher than if you are over react or feel like you have to defend yourself now. You can sue them later. I believe there are more good police officers than bad ones; but they are human and they make mistakes, they get tired and they have bad days just like we all do. We all have a responsibility to each other. It is no one’s responsibility to control my behavior but my own and I plan to remain calm and help anyone, if I can, to remain calm too.
In times when war must happen I feel it should be swift and just. Our current situation with Ukraine has me torn. I hear from a friend that knows people that have lived there that the president is not an honest man, that what we are being told is not the truth, that although Putin is not a good man, he is not the devil he has been portrayed as either. This pains my heart. But then I look at media from other countries and it seems to say similar to what the United States media says. This is the confusion that hurts my heart. Because I know that as we pour money into assisting the Ukrainian people, we are hurting United States citizens. We are not unable to tighten our belts and help our neighbor, that is part of war but I really hope that we are helping an honorable cause because I do understand that there are things we are not privy to that may also be true for these people with ties to Ukraine that my friend knows. I can’t help think about how many nukes are in the area and how many people could be hurt. I don’t understand why we have tools of war like that. If we kill everybody, it doesn’t matter who has the power…
…isn’t that the reason that some people terrorize others, whether it is calling names, treating them poorly or killing them, for power? If that is power, I want to stand a different way. I believe in freedom; freedom of choice, speech, religion, to love who you love, to pursue happiness…The only power I want is to be able to choose to control myself.
Read More:
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.