by Summer D Clemenson | May 25, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Opinions
I bought A Return to Love back when Marianne Williamson was running for president in 2020 but I didn’t get around to reading it until now. I actually think I wasn’t ready to read it until this time in my life and I am really glad I was able to absorb it in this time where I am better able, and trying to forgive more, putting effort into unlearning fear, and learning to love better. I really enjoyed this book and I highly recommend it to a mature reader and a mature Christian or person who is comfortable in their beliefs.
The book I have is actually two books in one: A Return to Love and The Gift of Change, both by Marianne Williamson. There was so much to absorb in A Return to Love that I chose to do two different book reviews. I haven’t read the second book yet but I will do a separate book review for The Gift of Change when I have completed reading that book.
Marianne begins A Return to Love by explaining that she was raised in a Jewish home and has studied many religions. She also set aside her beliefs for some time and now is a Christian. Although her writing leaves room for any higher power, she refers openly to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit as her belief system and some people might be offended by this.
“The spiritual journey is the relinquishment — or unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is the essential existential fact. It is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Commonly throughout the book Marianne writes that people undervalue what we know to be true in our hearts and overvalue the things our physical senses can see. We do this because love is hard to see because love is an energy that is experienced through kindness, giving, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgement, joining and intimacy. Fear is the opposite of love and gives a false testimony to the meaningless of love. Fear looks like anger, abuse, disease, pain, greed, addiction, selfishness, obsession, corruption, violence and war. Love is threatening to our ego because it is simple.
Concepts Discussed in this Book:
- Love is the only reality.
- Fear is the opposite of love.
- Fear is an alternative reality.…no wonder we all feel crazy…
- Forgiveness transforms fear to love.
- Ego wants to judge.
- Holy Spirit wants to accept people as they are and provides room for compassion.
“The places in our personality where we tend to deviate from love are not our faults, but our wounds.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
“Forgiveness is the choice to see people as they are now. When we are angry at people, we are angry because of something they said or did before this moment. But what people said or did is not who they are. Relationships are reborn as we let go of the perceptions of our brother’s pasts. ‘By bringing the past into the present, we create a future just like the past.’ By letting the past go, we make room for miracles.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
All negativity comes from fear. Anger, rudeness, manipulation, cruelty all comes from fear. Forgiveness transforms them all. Pain doesn’t come from the love we don’t give others but from the love we choose not to give. So the answer is to ask the Holy Spirit to change our perspective and help us forgive. When we close our heart in response to other people’s choices we hurt ourself but when we remain able to give love we see a miracle.
According to A Return to Love and my personal experience, the world has taught us to fear. This is unnatural to humans because we were created in God’s image and love is the only real emotion. This is what we have to return to — to live in love and let go of fear. When we are feeling angry or annoyed with people we can confess this to the Holy Spirit, who wants to help us, and we will see the help we need, whether it is more compassion or forgiveness, or whatever is needed in the moment.
Steps to Process Change:
- See my dysfunctional patterns
- Confess and ask God to take them
- Commit to change
“Personal growth can be painful because it can make us feel ashamed and humiliated to face our own darkness. But the goal of personal growth is the journey from dark emotional patterns that cause us pain to those that create peace.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
When someone hurts use we can blow up at them or we can forgive them. Here is a helpful prayer to repeat until you are not longer angry:
“I forgive you _________________, and I release you to the Holy Spirit.”
This is a simple and very powerful prayer because it acknowledges that you know that God loves you and this person and wants the best for both of you. It also proclaims your trust in the Holy Spirit. I have tried this prayer out on many people and even with forgiving myself with some pretty powerful responses.
“…there is nothing we have been through or seen, or done, that cannot be used to make our lives more valuable now. We can grow from any experience, and we can transcend any experience. This kind of talk is blasphemy to the ego, which respects pain, glorifies pain, worships pain, and creates pain. Pain is its centerpiece. It sees forgiveness as its enemy.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Our only real pleasure will come when we do what God created us to do. We must ask Him to help us be an instrument of His peace and use the abilities He gave us to spread love.
“…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Trusting God is like trusting gravity. 2 points to remember:
- God’s plan works
- Mine doesn’t
“It is our humility, our desire to be of service, that makes us stars. Not our arrogance.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
We can only receive God’s plan. If we add anything to it we take away the little that was asked of us. We are only to align ourself with God’s plan. He will make it happen. This is a very anti-world mindset. But it can be done.
“Dear God, I surrender this situation to you. May it be used for your purposes. I ask only that my heart be open to give love and to receive love. May all the results unfold according to Your will. Amen.” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Another important concept that is talked about in A Return to Love are that we are interrelated but we have forgotten that because our ego supports a mentality where instead of “we” we talk about “my career”, “my money” or “my life.” But we are not separate. This falsely created separateness leads us to mistake where we put our devotion — our stuff instead of our love, relationships and our higher power.
We hear people say to us to feel our feelings, which is important, but they are usually referring to fear, pain, shame, all the negative emotions, but we also need to feel all the positive ones too: love, satisfaction, joy… The ego does not like positive thoughts and works against them but our natural inheritance is to enjoy the good in our lives, especially if it is small. There is nothing wrong with being too happy.
Love is not just sentimental mush on a greeting card. It is a practiced discipline of defying our ego’s voice. It is relying on the Holy Spirit and focusing on the our capacity to love by training our minds to the habits of loving.
Today’s goal is peace. I should have that tattooed somewhere.
Buy your own copy of A Return to Love and The Gift of Change by Marianne Williamson on Amazon
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | May 11, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews
I have been sick for a long time. I have many chronic illnesses but the one I am praising God for letting me know about is migraines because since I have been treating them, I have got the gift of being able to read back. In the past month I have read 4 books and I am so excited that I finally got to read this book, which was a gift from my friend Sarah. Traveling Light discovers truths shown to us in the 23rd Psalm. I have read more than one book that talks about this Psalm, written by King David, but I really enjoyed this one. Max Lucado took it slow and broke each part of the Psalm down really well.
Along the way, I was reminded of important lessons, but first I want to take a moment and share the 23rd Psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. (New King James Version)
In this beautiful Psalm, King David tells us who God is, He is our protector and provider, He wants the best for us, He makes plans for us, He is our Healer, and He has chosen us because that is who He is. He knows we will go through terrifying things but He is always with us because He never leaves us. He is our comforter. He blesses us regardless of others. He protects us from injury to our soul. He gives us everything we need right now. He lets us know we are His.
“God is Yahweh — an unchanging God, an uncaused God, and an ungoverned God.” Max Lucado, Traveling Light.
God is who I have always needed because He is the only constant that doesn’t change. Nobody else was able to give that to me, no matter how hard they tried because the earth is unstable, people are messy and life happens — but God who doesn’t have a body can be ever present and has always been present and will always be present was always there to protect and provide the help I needed. I knew that from the moment I met him when I was 5 years old, in my back yard. I was all alone and then I knew I wasn’t alone and I never was again. Was our relationship perfect? No, because I had and have a lot of unlearning to do, but it was and is constant.
“Unfortunately, sheep cannot find safe pasture, nor can they spray insecticide, deal with the frictions, or find food. They need help. They need a shepherd to ‘lead them’ and help them ‘lie down in green pastures.’ Without a shepherd they can’t rest. Without a shepherd, neither can we.” Max Lucado, Traveling Light.
Sheep are stupid and incapable of caring for or protecting themselves. I would never want to be a sheep on earth because I might get a bad or careless shepherd but God is an ever-loving God that never gets tired; with Him as my Shepherd I am proud to be His sheep. He will never lead me in the wrong direction, even when I thought I was hearing Him, but it was actually me, He still made a way to bless me and Himself, because He is a loving Shepherd and Father.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at the appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
I love this verse. It really spoke to me. I have probably read it before but I missed it. But I got it this time. We are so worried about how things look. We are so worried about what other’s think about us. You know what? It only matters what God our Shepherd thinks and He knows how to look at our hearts, where He can see everything: the why’s, how’s, when’s…
All of this worry leads to anxiety and anxiety splits our energy between today’s priorities and tomorrow’s problems. The result is half-minded living.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Matthew 6:34
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
It is a waste of time to look to the distant future because God promised a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We do not need to know the future. We need to trust that God will lead us and provide the grace we need, as we need it. Our shepherd knows what bogs us down and makes us feel lost but He also restores our soul so we can find relief and freedom from stress and anxiety.
While I read this book, I realized I have trapped myself, waiting for something to change in my circumstances for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, God has still been there and protected me, healed me, taught me and loved me, but I let myself feel stuck. Maybe that was part of His plan too. Sometimes God has been known to to shut people down so He can do things in the background…But I am excited to say, “Thank You,” to Him because my circumstance have been exactly what I needed and still are until He decides it is time to tell me to take the next step.
I want to say Thank you to Sarah for this book and if you get the chance to read it, I hope you enjoy Traveling Light as much as I did.
If you want to get your own copy buy Traveling Light by Max Lucado on Amazon.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | May 10, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Education, Fuel Your Wellness, Wellness
Note: The article was originally by Summer D Clemenson and posted on WellnessWorksNW.com
I am always amazed to hear of a person that is ashamed of their illness, especially mental illness. The stigma of chronic illness is almost as debilitating as the actual illness, in my opinion, but it doesn’t have to be. I am often told that I am amazingly transparent and for some people that is scary as hell and for others, that is refreshing. I come from people that are super private about medical histories and this is not good. We should not be afraid to talk about these things. In fact I would like to encourage you to face the illness so you can enjoy the healing. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | May 8, 2022 | Poetry
There is a wound that you opened
It is new with blood
and old with scars upon scars
There is a metal taste I wish I could forget
~
You say you are the victim
but I saw you and I wasn’t alone
we heard your hate that was just like
the evil meant to keep me small
I just want to go to sleep
~
Therapy has helped me live
Pills help me slow down so I am better
but I can still be cut in two
There is still a pain that can make it hard to move
~
They couldn’t bite your head if you left when they asked
if you didn’t invade their space
if you didn’t keep pushing
I couldn’t cut my abuser in two
if they didn’t corner me in the middle of the night
~
A tongue is a double edged sword
it can slay or tell truths
The victim is a relative term depending on your perspective
The screaming radiates in my ears regardless of radical acceptance
~
I just want to go to sleep
~
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 23, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions, Wellness
Love Does is the name of the latest book I read by author, Bob Goff. “That’s one of the things about love. It doesn’t recognize boundaries and never obeys the rules we try to give it,” wrote Goff. All 224 pages of this bright blue book with colorful balloons that don the cover, I think to help us remember to allow some adventure into our every day lives, Bob tells story after story that are meant to remind us that Love Does.
“I think every day God sends us an invitation to live and sometimes we forget to show up or get head-faked into thinking we haven’t really been invited. But you see, we have been invited — every day, all over again.” Bob Goff
Bob is a Christian but he isn’t like a lot of the Christians I have met. He is very laid back. He is very relational. In fact that is his entire motivation, even referring to some of his experiences at bible studies as feeling more like stalking Jesus than getting to know Him. Bob wasn’t trying to put down people who study their bibles he just felt like there had to be more to his relationship than just memorizing words. He wanted to find out how to relate the words to how he lives his life.
“What if we were just to do awesome, incredible stuff together while we’re here on earth and the fact that only He knew would be enough? If we did that, we wouldn’t get confused about who was really making things happen.” Bob Goff
This book reads like a familiar old friend; sometimes it even feels like a safe hug. Bob Goff has not lost his child-likeness and it is refreshing. I can feel it in my heart that he loves freely, like my wife, Karen, so he must be a kindred spirit. It took me a week to read, only because I was too sick to hold the book up for 3 days. As I read this book it felt like parts of me were being dusted off.
Bob reminded me that the religious people don’t get to pick who goes to heaven, God does. It is my job just to love. I don’t have to worry about anything else. I worry a lot. I needed the reminder.
I think about experiences I have had a churches, even experiences I have had at my own hand in where I tried to “overcome satan” for lack of a better term. I always felt slimed later. It wasn’t for me. I am an encourager. I am not a fighter. I love that Bob refuses to capitalize the first letter of his name. We really do give that guy too much attention…I think I learned a lot about who I am in Bob’s few lines about his approach to this fallen angel, who isn’t sorry and never will be:
“When I think about satan, my thoughts go to how Jesus interacted with him in the desert. Jesus spoke with him in just a few seconds and then sent him away…” Bob Goff
Reading good books is a great part of wellness because it helps us see new ways to live. My therapist suggested this book to me over a year ago and I have had it for about that amount of time. I am so glad I took the time to buy it and read it. I needed to hear positive stories from a person that is easy to respect and like. I highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you are not a believer because the book isn’t really about Jesus, although it does talk about Him, it is about the adventures that Bob takes from his childhood through his adulthood and how those adventures and being open to some whimsy can lead to more adventures and places you never thought you would go. Even if that is just into relationships that are more fulfilling than sitting alone.
Buy your own copy of Love Does by Bob Goff on Amazon.com
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 14, 2022 | About Summer, Cancer, Life
I had my post-op appointment on Tuesday and it went well. My Oncologist said that the cancer is still there but that it is still stage 1, class 1, which means that it is not growing but it is not gone. Even though I am taking the highest dose of Megestrol and I have a Molina IUD, which has the highest level of hormones, 6 months is a short time to expect my body to eradicate the cancer in my body. Even though I believe in miracles, she and I agree that the cancer being gone that fast, would be a miracle.
For some reason the scale at my oncologist office will not work when I am on it. They have assured me it can manage my weight. I tell the nurses it is probably my magnetic personality. I see doctors frequently so they always ask me when I weighed last and I tell them. This time it was at my surgery, about 3 weeks ago. The nurse looked it up and I haven’t lost or gained anything. I am holding firm, despite not exercising and not really watching what I eat more than my normal restrictions, however I do drink a gallon of water or unsweetened herb tea almost every day. My doctor gave me the look when I told her that I haven’t been exercising. The answer that I had had severe cramping and bleeding until a few days ago was a good answer until a few days ago and I know it. She reminded me that if the drugs and IUD don’t work I will require a full hysterectomy and that is a dangerous surgery at my size. I know this and getting any weight off or at least being stronger would help me in many ways. I know this too.
Change can be a Miracle
As many of you know I have worked hard to be committed to my workouts. These surgeries every 3 months have thrown a wrench in my commitment. However that doesn’t mean that I can’t keep drinking 4 liters of water or unsweetened herb tea every day, which I do faithfully, only missing very rarely and eating well and balanced.
I started exercising Wednesday. This morning was painful but I feel better after my second day of working out and I know that I will continue to feel better as I get stronger, eliminate the extra water and waste in my body and build muscle. Losing weight would be nice but I have learned with this body to be happy with being strong. If I lose weight that is a bonus. Although I would like to be smaller for many reasons: I don’t fit in many chairs, traveling is hard and if I fall, my wife can’t lift me, even though she lifts weights and is stronger than many women, and I know she worries about that…If I need a hysterectomy it will be very dangerous at this size. I do know that, but I can’t worry about that. There is risk in everything and I have made many wellness changes in my life and have committed to continue to do so and that is all I can do.
Each day I have chosen to move my body on purpose has been a miracle because there was a time in my life that I did not do this. I am thankful that I have been able to commit to myself to be as well as I can be, in spite of chronic pain and illness. This is a miracle in my mind. I thank God for His help all the time. I remember when He has coached me and He still does. He knows me best.
Struggle can be a Miracle
I have been struggling with my Neurologist since I began seeing him on January 27, 2022. I thought I misread him, that maybe once I got to know him better that I would be able to work with him but his ego never got smaller. At our first visit he put my other doctors down and told me that doctors that aren’t helping should be fired. He had already decided my diagnosis before he saw me and began treating me for migraines immediately. I agree I have migraines but I went to him for the pain in my face that makes it hard to speak sometimes. This pain makes it hard to drink, eat, floss and brush my teeth, even washing my face can be painful and when it is really flared up, it can wake me up at night. He told me at my first appointment that all I had to do was email him when my face began acting up and he would prescribe what I needed but when I emailed him, he didn’t read my messages. All I got was apologies from his medical assistants. I left him with 3 prescriptions, 2 for every day and 1 for big migraines which I take, but when I have asked questions about these, I have got no response. I have called. Karen has called. No one calls back. So I finally decided I wanted a referral to another neurologist and sent an email asking for one. Still no response. Even when both I and Karen called.
Since I was in the building on Tuesday, I decided to stop by there. I felt so bad for the young lady at the reception area. She looked petrified when she realized who I was. I was not angry but I was direct when I told her my goal was to change my appointment on the 22nd to be with a different neurologist before I left there that day. She seemed tongue tied and went to verify information with someone. She thought I would need to ask my primary for another referral for a neurologist. I had the email penned before she came back but I deleted it when she let me know there was one neurologist that could take my case, if she chose. She would be in the office later. She pointed to her card, but I chose to not take it. I didn’t want to appear to eager. Instead I looked at her with honest eyes and said: I just have this pain in my face that he said he would help me with and he is ignoring me. I just need help. Her stress softened. I think she understood, I wasn’t trying to be a pain.
I am still waiting to hear from them. They do not communicate anything like my oncologist’s office.
Communication is really important to me; vital. I was ignored a lot in my life and I won’t be ignored anymore. Especially when it comes to doctors who I have hired to help me be healthy. The struggle I have had with this neurologist is also a miracle because it has forced me to stand up for myself and yet be fair and direct and not violent. To me this is a miracle. In the way I was raised the only way to be heard was to freak out but that is not healthy for me or for the people that are not hearing me. I have communicated my needs and expectations. I have heard their response. I know that if they don’t choose to serve me that I will be contacting my primary about a referral outside of Legacy next week and I am ok with that. In my mind that is a miracle.
Loving Relationships are a Miracle
Especially with gas prices where they are at, we wanted to make sure to stop by and hug Jamie Holloway before we left Vancouver. It was good to see her and deliver some treats I bought for Nicholas, her fur-baby. Even though she is only breathing with one lung and she started steroids that day, she looks pretty good and Yelena, her caregiver was there. She is a great lady. It was a nice visit.
I love when I get to see Jamie because I know I am with someone that gets me. We don’t even have to speak but our hearts do. Especially at this time, I know we hold each other up. She has encouraged and taught me how to fight for my wellness and I know I encourage her too. I have learned to ask more questions than to offer her advice. No one knows how to live in a chronic body better than a chronic person and what works for Jamie’s body doesn’t necessarily work for my body. She and I have been learning to live as well as possible in our chronic bodies for 8+ years each (she longer than me) we are not newbies. That doesn’t mean we can’t learn more but we do know more than a healthy person. Healthy people are blessed in a way they can’t imagine.
The healthy people around us, know something that healthy people that don’t take care of chronic people would never know. You have different conversations with each other. Karen and I talk about my death more. We talk about pain more. I may not know how to get rid of mine, but I know how to help her with hers. I know she worries about if she dies first a lot more than she tells me. That too is part of a loving relationship.
Tuesday was a great day. Wednesday was a quiet day. To be honest Mahjong was most of what I accomplished. I have slept late today and I know a nap is in the future as well but I am glad to have got my workout done. I have some cleaning that needs to be attended to as well.
I hope your day is blessed!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 13, 2022 | Opinions
There are things about society that bewilder me. It seems people are so quick to have an opinion about others that they have never met and that seems odd to me. Take for instance the slap heard round the United States…starring Will Smith. I didn’t even watch the Oscars, not because I didn’t want to, I was doing something else and forgot about them but at some point, I kept hearing about something Mr. Smith did so I thought I would check it out.
My experience at the clip I saw of Chris Rock’s comment towards Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith’s reaction left me dumbfounded.
About Mr. Smith…
I don’t know this man but I have followed him a bit because I think he is a great actor. I see he is trying to be a good man. He has great energy and he is trying to grow and be a positive force in the world. The fact that he has remained married so long as a Hollywood A-lister is admirable. Marriage is a special and complicated relationship at best, and Hollywood warps that experience to a place far beyond the norm…Then he walks up to Chris Rock, a comedian, known for his teasing style of comedy and slaps him for a comment that was not terrible…
I am still confused.
Enter everyone’s opinions. Some want him retired. Some sing his praises. Why do we think we get to judge people so much? Why does everyone think we all get a say?
If an actor is known for being violent on set and people don’t want to work with them, then they naturally will lose rolls. Personally I can’t consider that ending his career would be anyone’s right but his and the people who will or wont hire him. If a person has a bad moment at a public event and the committee that runs the event decides to restrict access or fine a person for behavior that is unbecoming, that is none of my business. I am sure the fact that Mr. Smith has been restricted from the Oscars for the next 10 years has made several people very happy; to me it is just a natural consequence.
Innocent people are losing their homes and lives in another part of the world. Children are going to bed hungry. People are living on the streets and every late night talk show host is talking about Will Smith…and I keep hearing how as a nation, we need to heal from this situation. The confusion keeps growing…
About Mr. Rock…
I am going to be honest here. I have rarely enjoyed Chris Rock. I don’t like how he picks at people but I understand that many people enjoy this style of comedy. However, as he has gotten older, I see he is softening. Honestly I thought his comment to Jada Pinkett-Smith about her short hair was not a put down. I think she is incredibly stunning with short hair. I did not know she had alopecia. Maybe he didn’t know either. And his reference to her starring in a GI Jane 2, could have been a compliment, in my opinion. GI Jane is a great movie.
I am incredibly astounded, still, by how he responded to Mr. Smith’s behavior. He took the slap and responded with grace; not only by keeping the show going but by not pressing charges and making the matter bigger. I must say I really respect Mr. Rock for his choices in this matter.
About Mrs. Pinkett-Smith
Why can’t I find what she thinks about all this? Hello? She is a strong woman. She doesn’t usually require saving. I don’t know her, but, like her husband, I have admired her work and the authenticity she tries to embody.
I really thought about this situation more than I wanted to. Days later, it occurred to me that I never prayed for them so I did and God whispered things to me that helped me have even more compassion for all of them. I am so thankful I am not part of the Hollywood Roster
In a Nut Shell…
One guy hit another guy for making a comment about his wife. The guy who got hit forgave the guy that hit him and the guy that hit him admitted he was wrong and asked to be forgiven. Yes, many people saw it, but really it was a personal issue that got aired in public because of a moment of bad judgment. Nobody else was hit. These things happen every day. The only difference is that we are talking about celebrities and not Steve and Mark, down the block. As a society, I maintain that putting people on platforms because they are talented enough to make a ton of money, dishonors the regular Joes and Janes in the world and my brain cannot see value in that. Will Smith is a valuable person but he is no more valuable than me and I don’t want to be judged by one bad moment.
All this judging of each other is a waste of time and this imaginary need to heal as a nation we put on ourselves only distracts us from real things we need to heal from. We definitely need to keep praying for ourselves and each other.
My one thought…the scene that would have been epic..
After Chris Rock made his comment about Jada Pinkett-Smith being in GI Jane 2
Pinkett-Smith: Borrowing Demi Moore’s line after a severe beating by the Master Chief, “Suck my dick!”
Will and anyone at the Oscars: acting as Moore’s fellow soldiers, “Hoorah!”
…now that would have been a great moment…
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 2, 2022 | About Summer, Cancer, Life
My surgery went well last week. I will see my oncologist on Tuesday and I believe I will hear good news at my post-op appointment. But during this time I have been suffering with a bad specialist of another kind. I have sent numerous messages and Karen has called many times. From the very first time I met him, I have felt confused and that confusion has become bigger and turned into all out feelings of neglect. To have such success on one side of my medical issues and such failure on another has left me exhausted to the extreme.
I sought out the help of a neurologist to help me with the pain in my head that was making self-care and speaking difficult. There are times, I can barely speak and drinking water or chewing, flossing or brushing my teeth excruciating. I was told by my doctor that if these symptoms were to return I would only have to email and he would fill the prescription I need to help me get back into remission but he did not follow through with his word, regardless of my many attempts, even telling him the name of the medication that was previously prescribed by the ER doctor who helped me. He does not respond. The only response I ever get back is an apologetic medical assistant.
He asked me to journal my pain and what I do, which I did. This makes me depressed. I don’t like to focus on the same thing all the time, that leads to the same thing, that is not helpful. This is the same reason my primary does not have me check my blood sugar, because it makes me stressed out and makes it worse, and when I don’t check my blood sugar, my sugars are better controlled and at almost pre-diabetic range. I journaled anyway. I shared with him the information that although I took the meds the way he told me to and I drank a gallon of fluid a day, the pain was getting worse and the Trigeminal Neuralgia pain was coming back…and he wished me well on my surgery and thanked me for the update.
Meanwhile my beloved, sister, Jamie is getting ready for another procedure to see how much damage has been done to her lungs and if it can be repaired and I feel so helpless. I am so thankful for her other friends that can help her. I am so thankful and even jealous of her amazing team of doctors that communicate so well for her good. I want that.<
I deserve that so I have decided to fire my neurologist before my next appointment. Even though I haven’t been told my results from the MRI on my brain. Any doctor can tell me about that. Jamie suggested that I see this doctor face to face and tell him he failed but I just can’t afford to pay to see him again. We are still working on paperwork for assistance and I feel like I am drowning in doctor bills and I won’t pay to see this man again, who cares so little for me and so much for his ego.
I sent the following message to him tonight:
Dr *****,
I have thought about it and I need to make a change in our relationship. On our first consult you put down all my other doctors. You also lied: you told me sinus headaches are not real, but you gave me a magazine about migraines that said they were a type of headache. You also told me if I had any Trigeminal Neuralgia symptoms to email you and you would prescribe the medication I need. That also did not happen. You don’t even read my messages, while my other doctors do. It costs me 5% of my monthly income to see you. I need a bigger return from you to allow you to remain such a large part of my budget. I understand you probably have many clients with similar issues, if you took even a moment to say, “this is to be expected,” or something to let me know that I am on the right track, it would have helped me so much but as it is, you don’t encourage or educate me.
My friend suggested that I face you and tell you that you had failed me but I have decided that I don’t need to pay to see you again. Please refer me to one of your colleagues. Thank you….
I am going to find the doctors that want to help me be better. I plan to call and cancel my appointment on the 22nd on Monday and see about getting connected with another neurologist.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 22, 2022 | About Summer, Cancer, Life
My surgery is tomorrow. I have spent today doing laundry, drinking water, updating my blog with posts I wrote in October but didn’t post and trying not to think about my surgery tomorrow. The last time I went through this I didn’t know what to expect and it was kind of nice to just go with the flow. One good thing is that they are allowing Karen to wait with me in the prep area and she will be in the room directly after I come out of recovery. That will be nice. I am not a person who naps or relaxes so it will be nice to have her there to visit with me and make me laugh. They will probably appreciate me not trying to run away too…
But I am scared. Not just from the pain and bleeding following the surgery but the unrelated but even more painful nerve issues that arose in my face following surgery that seem to be arising before surgery now. One good thing, this time I have a neurologist and I have already contacted him via email and his assistant assured me that she has sent my message and details to him for evaluation. I don’t see him until the end of April but I am already seeing some scary changes since the 13th of March. I know that stress can make migraines worse and that is probably what this is, except for the Trigeminal Neuralgia pain that is making it hard to chew or floss my teeth.
When I was single I said I would never treat cancer. I would just let it take me. I had no reason to fight it. But now that I know what a healthy love is, that makes me want to be better not just for me but for Karen and our future and the children we are building our future for, I have to fight this. So as scared as I am. I am choosing to be brave and you know what? I know I am not here by myself. I feel a light holding me. The same one that has taught me, and saved me and protected me when there was no one there who could.
I have had Jeremiah 29:11 on my wall for weeks. It fell off a few days ago and I can’t find it but I have memorized the main idea of it? God said: I know the thoughts I think about you. They are of peace, not of evil. I want to give you a future and a hope.
If God wants to give me hope, He probably wants me to seek hope. I went deeper with my therapist yesterday about some family members who will never be satisfied with what they have. It makes me sad. All I ever wanted was time and relationship. I see money and things as tools to take care of people. I am glad they are comfortable and I pray they are satisfied someday. Hope is what I hope they find.
The world doesn’t offer much hope. We turn on the TV and there is violence, sex, drugs, anger. We are so desensitized to it, we don’t even realize we are drawn to it, even in all our good intentions. Our bodies and minds are frail and it is easy to become sick there too. Hope is the key. Hope is where we find abundance and joy, kindness, goodness and the very Spirit of God.
I hope the next time you think about watching a reality show that you think about how much production goes into that “Reality Show” so it will be compelling enough for you to want to watch it because trauma sells…and maybe choose hope. Find a show that teaches you something…or turn the boob tube off all together and read a book or play a game. Until we stop choosing trauma, we can’t know peace.
Be well.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 18, 2022 | Life
More nightmares last night. I can’t get away from my abusers no matter what I do. But I am not without empathy towards them and maybe that is part of it. I see that they are worthy of love.
Trauma is passed down from generation to generation and hopefully each generation heals a little bit or a lot and breaks those curses or gets help with mental health issues. I have to get better. I could just close my eyes and keep going but I chose to look at mine because I want to be a foster parent and even though I may not be able to empathize with every type of abuse, I want to be able to promise that the children I am entrusted with have a foster mom that is as strong and healed as she can be at the moment and I know how to stand with them or cry with them or just sit and hold their hand while they process their pain because I have done it.
I wish I knew how to let go of the pain. It keeps coming back. My abusers are not bad people they have been hurt, some have mental health issues and chronic illness which makes their life harder. I am not without empathy but I cannot be the scapegoat anymore. I refuse to be judged, rejected and unknown by people that are supposed to know me best.
Here is a truth that young people might be able to grasp. I don’t follow a lot of pop culture but I have heard bits and pieces about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s divorce to know that his mental health issues have kept her diligent, even after their divorce was finalized. This man abuses her even beyond their marriage yet he has also donated money to feed people he has never met. This shows me the he too, is not without merit, and this is probably the part of him that Kim fell in love with…
I wish I knew how to just set the pain down. I sometimes wish I could just pick up the phone and call some of them but that doesn’t work out for me…ever. The love I have is real but I guess I will just have to keep praying for them and hopefully I will finally be ready for the realization of healing God has already given me.
Be blessed.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 14, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life
I hear a child having a meltdown in the hallway and I want to cry with her. Children should never have to live in a hotel. It is not fun living in a hotel. At all… As thankful as I am that we have survived here over 2 years, spending every penny we have to get by, and try to establish credit, and fix our credit, and wait on programs that promised to help us, and did but had barriers that stopped us from our goal of normalcy, of freedom, of doing more than surviving, but having space to move and create, and be able to invite people over…I guess that was the upside of this pandemic. We weren’t supposed to do invite people over so we learned how to Zoom…
I look forward to playing a board game with someone. Karen doesn’t have the attention span for that…I look forward to having a kitchen that isn’t also my desk or the bathroom counter. I look forward to having my yarn at my fingertips to make whatever… I want a patio or yard to grow tomatoes for Karen and strawberries for me. I would love a workspace that doubled as a guest room but I could work at a dining room table…I miss having a table! I miss my balance ball!!! I miss a couch to cuddle with My Love while we watch movies and eat popcorn I made not in the microwave….
I have an amazing blessed life. There are people that have so much less than I do and even people with so much more who are miserable. I know God has carried us and taught us much during our almost 8 years of marriage. I know we are getting closer. Today we got a number we have been waiting a few years for…this number should be a huge blessing and this time we are ready for it. We have grown so much that this time we know we won’t blow it. We have blown it a few times before. Bad habits and bad mental health can really take you bad places but we are prepared and have an action plan.
The big picture seems like it is coming into focus and for that I am thankful. You can’t even imagine!!!!!
I posted about flashbacks last week. Flashbacks aren’t just thoughts, they are all the feelings too. It’s almost like you are there again. On top of that, I had no time to deal with myself because I had to be in Vancouver for an MRI. We did stop at Jamie’s to give her her birthday present early which did help me feel more grounded.
The MRI was supposed to be an open one because I am claustrophobic but when I got there, I found we had missed their calls to reschedule so they squeezed me into a regular MRI, literally. It was terrifying.
They handed me a ball I could squeeze if I needed them to stop but the mindful part of me knew that would only mean they would have to start over so I focused as much as I could on my breathing in order to not hyperventilate. As I got better I was able to practice pursed lip breathing which is very helpful. I had my eyes closed because when I opened them my heart would race because I felt like I was in a coffin. After awhile I started seeing flower shapes. It may have been my imagination but maybe it was God helping me. They keep the room freezing, it is supposed to be helpful but when you have arthritis it is just painful. Halfway through, I hurt from head to toe.
When it was over I was so ready to leave! Karen brought me home and I went to bed. We agreed I had not advocated very well for myself in scheduling a mammogram for the next day so Karen called that morning and rescheduled for a few weeks after my next surgery…which is coming up soon.
I shared my flashbacks with my therapist. She agreed that we should talk in more detail about this family member and their actions and what I want to do with these memories. I talk with her again in a week and a half. I don’t have this family member in my life anymore. I know they have their own trauma experiences and issues. I am not angry anymore but I don’t trust them and I don’t feel safe around them, emotionally, so relationship is not an option, even though they have made it clear they don’t want a relationship. I need the memories to not have power anymore.
These memories are potentially fatal if I had not got away. I visualized that I had been brave enough to face them and realized 1 of 2 things would have happened: 1) they would have potentially killed me or 2) they would have broken. I didn’t let them catch me any of the times they threatened me and they calmed down and we went on with life. Our parents did not have the tools to change the situation. Because they didn’t catch me we don’t know what would’ve happened. If they would have been broken their behavior may have become worse in other ways; because they cannot kill me now the only part of me that can die is the part of me that is scared of them and I might as well work on a few other people I am scared of that I don’t have relationship with anymore, at this time, as well.
I have had a lot of fear in my life. I think I am ready to let some of it go because I am also very brave, in spite of my fears.
Like this surgery coming up… I didn’t know what to expect before. Ignorance was bliss. But I am no longer ignorant. I am a little scared. I don’t like pain. This winter has been hard and emotionally I feel raw and unprepared for much of anything.
I am being really honest here but I also know that my wife really loves me in a way that makes me feel heard and respected and there are people that pray for me that I don’t even know and God is good always and He has given me dreams to strive for and I will keep trying.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 8, 2022 | Life
Karen came in all hot today because Russell Wilson got traded to the Broncos. I do have some empathy for her but I know Russell and his wife are believers and good business people and they will probably come out even better because of this change…
My heart is heavy for Ukrainians. So I said, “It could be worse. We could be in Ukraine.” Bless her, she tried to follow. She didn’t want to go to such a deep topic. She fell asleep last night during Colbert…
Anderson Cooper was over there sharing stories he has heard and experienced and I have been praying ever since. Every day the men take their women and children and put them on trains to get them out of the war. This division of families tears at my heart, yet it warms it too because this sacrifice is love too. Women carry their sick children on trains because hospitals have run out of life-saving medicine. In Russia you will go to jail if you say there is a war going on…in fact it took two goons to carry away an 80 year old woman carrying a sign.
No, I am not worried about Russell Wilson. He knows and shares love freely. I am concerned about people who need love, now, more than ever. Not just people in war zones, but people that feel they have to let guns do the talking, people who think they are more important than anyone else…people who lie and hurt others because they have been lied to and hurt. If you are one of these people, you are important. There is healing available through therapy and, if you believe, a relationship with God…you don’t have to keep hurting yourself and others.
You are not alone. I will pray for you too, if you want…just send me a private message. God bless you.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 7, 2022 | Life
Today is Karen’s birthday! She is 57 years old and even though that is just a number I am so thankful for that number. Her life means so much to me because she is a light and joy in mine. Happy birthday My Love.
I often think about how important life is and unimportant we treat it sometimes. We drive too fast and recklessly, to what end? To save a few seconds on our way and stress other drivers and pedestrians out and possibly hurt children, pets, elderly and disabled people who cannot or don’t know to watch out… Some of us abuse the emergency room instead of getting a primary doctor to help us with our medical issues before they require a hospital visit. Some of resort to violence when understanding and good communication could take us much farther. Many of us find more value in money and things than actual people. This makes my heart feel so heavy.
Life is so important. People are so important. You are vital to someone’s existence, even if they forgot to tell you. I encourage you to put as much love in your tasks as you can. Love the people around you. Talk to them. If you are too angry, take a walk or a nap and try again. Words are nothing without actions. Love is a verb. If we stop choosing anger and start choosing growth, honesty, communication and love we will be so much happier.
I love you Karen! You have shown me things I have been trying to learn all my life. I love sharing life with you!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 3, 2022 | Cancer, Life
I realized today that some of my depression is that I miss enjoying food. I miss coffee made in a French Press with cream. I miss green tea with honey. I miss avocado with a little Himalayan Sea Salt. I have a strong sense of smell and a good palate…enter cancer meds…I have danced through GERD, giving up many of my favorite foods over the years, or at least minimizing how I have them but these cancer meds leave a bad taste in my mouth always…
Now if I am eating or drinking anything that doesn’t have a clean flavor, it tastes disgusting. Like Stash Tea…which all restaurants serve. It is cheap. I understand why they choose to serve it but my peppermint tea tasted like an ash tray today… I am an ex-smoker (16 years free) so I have some actual experience here. I had a feeling I should have brought my own…Rude. Yes…but only my server would know…
Karen really wanted to celebrate her birthday today. We have not eaten out in a restaurant since before COVID-19. Seriously. This was big. We chose the restaurant we went to based on a post on Facebook. We had been there before. I always hope more for them but everyone else seems to think they are great…I guess because I am a pretty good cook, and I watch the Food Network a lot, my standards are a bit higher than I tend to find in Longview. When it comes down to it, I don’t want to travel out of town to get a healthy meal in a beautiful setting…
I wasn’t impressed with the out-dated decor and I wasn’t impressed with the lack of uniforms on servers but I was impressed with the cleanliness and the friendliness of the servers…that made up for the lack of ambiance…almost. I ordered a fish meal that I am positive was frozen and reheated which left me bloated and a little disheartened but the post that got me there-the cake…which was great!
The reason I won’t go back is that the owner was bad-mouthing another local restaurant while standing in the middle of the dining room…not while they were in their office or break room…Not cool. I miss some of the old social expectations of knowing when and where to air your laundry.
This restaurant won’t miss me. I have only been there about 4 times. Their website is terrible and ordering online is only going to work if you have their menu memorized because they have no descriptions listed. They are obviously not marketing to me. That’s ok.
The best part of my experience is the way the sunlight lit up My Love’s face in the restaurant. Our spot near the window was wonderful and the clouds changed so much while we were there; they gave us quite a show! Karen really enjoyed her pasta dish and I am so glad we had some time to laugh in a new place. When we left, there was a 20-something couple that took turns holding the doors for us. I guess we are old but there are benefits to not dying so we can live another day and keep moving forward.
Veda is still here but I tried harder today. I did part of my workout until my abdomen started to hurt. I paid the bills and ordered what we needed for the month. I met with my psychiatrist and we agreed to increase one of my meds a little bit. I had to wrap my leg today instead of wearing compression hose because of the size of my leg but I walked more today and then I stayed in bed to keep my leg up so maybe I will have more success tomorrow. We shall see.
We also found a movie that Karen loved!!!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 2, 2022 | Cancer, Life
I am so blessed to have everything I need. I don’t tend to go into detail when I am depressed but Veda has been here 3 days. I named her that. I can already imagine the conversation with my psychiatrist tomorrow: No. I don’t think I need more meds. I think I can name several natural triggers for my feelings and mood…
-
- There is war going on. I can feel it.
- I have cancer. The meds make me super tired. They have also affected my taste buds. So far I cannot stand cheese and avocado… These meds have also made my stomach much more sensitive than usual and I also cannot have coffee or caffeine at all…
- In the next 3 weeks I have an MRI on my brain, mammogram and follow up surgery scheduled…
- One of the meds I take for migraine causes swelling so no matter what I do, the lymphedema in my left leg is somewhat out of control… I went 2 days without a headache this week for the first time in forever but being swollen is painful and unattractive…
- Being swollen no matter what has made it easy to skip exercising…Not exercising is never good for me…
- I have friends going through personal things and I know they will be ok but I still worry…
- Nightmares have started again…the horror movie kind…
I know you probably have a lot to pray about already…we live in the same stressed out world…But if you want to add me to your list, I am grateful.
On a positive note… I got another doctor bill in the mail today. I had a knot in my gut knowing I had $7 left in my budget after bills and groceries… God is very good though, that doctor bill is only $4! Praise God!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 28, 2022 | Life
I was harassed recently by a “friend” of a friend who is having a hard time and I really had some things I wanted to say in response to their messages…empathy is good, judgement is not…
I am such a lucky woman! I do have trials but I am able to see patterns and make decisions. I know many people with mental health issues at varying levels. Some, like me, were able to see they were making bad choices without hurting themselves or others too badly that they required intervention before they got help, and some struggle much more. I still have bad days. I still have to forgive myself and ask forgiveness but it happens almost as quickly as the behavior is seen; most of the time I can tell when I am off and I warn people around me so they know if I snap at them, it probably has nothing to do with them. Lucky for me, violence is not part of my makeup.
I have empathy for people who struggle. I have enough of my own experiences to know some of their pain. It isn’t fun to live with a brain that lies to you. If that person has chronic physical illness, I also can empathize with that. It isn’t fun to live in a body that looks fine but isn’t. I also understand that mental and physical illness can trigger each other and that is challenging too.
Pity is not something I do. I looked it up and although it is just sorrow for other’s experiences it seems bigger than that for me. There seems to be some ownership there too. Pity was not something I was shown much of…or compassion or patience. I have and am still learning these things but I was born with the ability to empathize. When I see someone hurting I feel sorrow for their children and loved ones. I feel a need to remind them to make good choices but most of all I try to acknowledge what I see that is good because I know their brain is lying to them and I know they are being criticized by someone already and I always remind them that I love them. My comments do not contain words of pity. Struggle is part of life and we each have to build the life we want. Sometimes it takes some people much longer to learn that than others.
I have had a successful weekend. On Friday I made a great soup with black beans, veggies and beef. On Saturday I got my COVID-19 booster and Karen and I walked around…she got her birthday present early since she dropped the French Press while washing it. Yesterday I made applesauce and tuna salad for lunches. I drank at least 1 gallon of water or unsweetened herb tea every day, per my neurologist. I really slept in today…I will probably do a load of laundry…it is good to have goals. Wellness is a lifestyle you should never stop working on. Enjoy your day!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 15, 2022 | Life
Mourning and learning are hard. I have struggled in my head this week. It is real but not something I can put on a shelf. But I have communicated some boundaries I need. I have told doctors what I needed from them. I have told my wife I need time with just her (I look forward to Thursday). I gave myself permission to change my workout because I am bored with it. I even let myself be honest with my therapist today and let myself cry and be more expressive than usual. I am trying.
My current therapist, and many before her, agree that I am an emotional neglect survivor. The last few sessions I have let it slip that I wonder if I might be on the neurodivergent spectrum…it does run in the Clemenson side of my family. She told me the she does not diagnose this but it might help me understand myself if I had an answer. She also said I explained several things about myself today that could be markers. She also said that there are similar symptoms for emotional neglect survivors, but I could very well have both.
I appreciate her listening and affirmation. When my doctor bills are caught up I will talk about autism with my primary. If this is something I can research maybe someday I won’t feel so invisible. Maybe there are tools I can learn so I don’t feel so uncomfortable in groups, and lights and sounds.
My therapist asked me why, when I referred to my parents, that I say, I wasn’t an easy kid for them. I told her I asked questions all the time. If I wasn’t satisfied with their answer, I kept asking…until I stopped altogether…I was highly sensitive and a deep thinker. Nothing was easy with me. There is nothing casual about me. I am not wired that way. I was ready to leave way before anyone else was and often found corners to hide in. It was probably just easier to leave me alone. My sisters were easier. At least that is how it looked to me and my parents took them more places while I stayed home.
I have a wonderful family. They are smart, generous, kind, creative and hard working but they just aren’t wonderful towards me, for individual and collective reasons which have nothing to do with their love for me. That is what dysfunction looks like. When I see sappy posts about loving families it is like a punch in the gut because although I have a few extended family members and some adopted family members, it is so much harder and painful to mourn family that is still alive but not available. The tears today were for them.
I am trying to learn about me. It is a process. I think I will take a walk…
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 14, 2022 | Life
Karen G Clemenson and I don’t do Valentines Day…there is never a day that goes by that we don’t tell or show each other that we love each other and appreciate each other so we don’t need a commercialized day to celebrate it…if we get to foster/adopt we will soften our viewpoint for their sake…but if we had a Valentine it might look like our gorgeous kitty sleeping on a pile of our blankets like a little angel.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 10, 2022 | Opinions
Love is important but respect is key.
Karen and I had a rare moment where we weren’t exhausted or didn’t have to be somewhere. We were enjoying that moment by having a nice talk. I told her I thought love was fickle. To me, respect was most important. I give every person a certain level of respect, as a human, but respect is a two way street and must be earned. I think I respect Karen the most out of everyone I have met (besides Jesus).
Karen is a magnificent person who has the ability to let each person be themself without losing herself. It may appear that she might be a pushover but she is actually very measured and in more control of situations than expected. She is honorable, loyal and wise. She has helped teach me how you can’t have true love without respect. She is not perfect but she will admit that too…and she is working on herself all the time which I totally respect as well.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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