When I started writing this I was stuck in a depraved mindset. The original first few sentences were the basis of this whole article…and they are the only ones that didn’t change…
Trust is a two way street. I want to trust that you are not going to hurt me. I want to trust that I am not going to hurt you. I think you want to trust that I am not going to hurt you and I am pretty sure most of you don’t intend to hurt me.
Trust: belief that someone is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
The following are notes directly from the context of this book with a mingling of my opinions and thoughts while I processed what I read. It is my interpretation. You may get something totally different out of this book.
Learning to Live and Love Again At the Same TimeThe 2 deepest desires of most people:
To protect ourselves many people have blocked off or shut off those needs.
I must learn to love and be loved, that I am worthy and I can look forward to and do great things.
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Pieces & BitsDrama Addicts are people who have become addicted to problems and turmoil; problems have become a comfortable emotional experience
Drama Addicts:
As we develop our lives, set goals and find things to do, peace will be comfortable.
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In the dark I am
surrounded all around
My closed eyes sense no light
the breeze around me
is not Your breath
Arrows circle me faster and louder
created by the accuser
deceit
betrayal
scenes of great decay
All the things that hold me
I feel You near
I see You in the light above the noise
I fix my eyes on You
I get distracted but You are always there
As I see You I see You more
until I know I am standing
on Your living water
You living water
goes where I am
because You are always with me
Even when I don’t feel
or see You
You are with me
You have given me new eyes
You have made me safe
You have carried me this far
And in You is no darkness
at all
Work A Twelve Step ProgramChemical dependency and other compulsive disorders destroy beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, creative, loving people.
I was in the bathroom and as I floated in the bubbles in my head…I guess that is how I can describe them; it is like each eyeball has at least 2 vantage points, some here and some somewhere else and it is hard to decide to be where you are, there was a small voice [God] that told me that even though I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, by telling my truths I have.
>>>Prelude to Everything I Have Said Thus FarGuilt that doesn’t lead to repentance is wasted. Guilt that is used as a weapon of war is just another mutation that humanity created from a tool God gave us to help build us into His version of us.
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Whether you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia or rheumatoid arthritis or you have suffered an injury, Chronic Pain is a common ailment felt by a lot of people. Chronic Pain can lead to changes in lifestyle and emotions and ability to do activities you once enjoyed. It can also make relationships harder because of the changes in mood that happen when you are hurting all the time. Chronic Pain is a pain that lasts longer than six months and affects how you live your daily life. Chronic Pain is both physically and emotionally stressful since constant pain can lead to anger and frustration.
Chronic Pain is often treated with: (more…)
Communication“When you’re doing what’s right for you, it’s okay to say it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further.” – Toby Rice Drews
Many Codependents:
The crinkle of paper and the whisper of a pen
I saw My Commander sign the order
You were given permission to test me but not unto death
You lured me in with promises and built me up
I tried not to believe you but you wore a new disguise
You left me isolated and rejected my loyalty
You beat me with your fists and threw me down on the cold cement
You ran me over with a cargo van and I heard my ribs crack
Your laughter rang shrill as I struggled to breathe
coughing on my own fluids and waiting for you to stop
because I know when you get weak
I wove in and out of my experience
knowing my nightmare was only real in one realm
I could not wake up
no matter how many times Xavier called my name
or jumped off and on the bed
Your eyes twinkled when you blew me up
The sound made Anniessa wince
Her dark eyes grew darker as she watched frozen in her flashback
In sticky piles that covered everything I laid in many places
My nerves were on fire and the air was lingered with smoke
The smell of blood filled my senses
and I knew you were there devising the next encounter
The only intimacy you can truly experience
The taste of blood it doesn’t even answer a dry mouth
His furry striped face stood watch
as I looked at him through eyes full of sleep
I wished for my soldier
but she was far away
His soft paws brushed my face
while I tried to remember how to move my arms
On a road in the desert I knew you were there
I could sense the hidden witnesses who knew nothing
The ground was hard and hot
Nathaniel had joined Anniessa as they stood strong
While red dust blew through their hair and they muffled their thoughts
I watched you quarter me with a steak knife from my kitchen
You laid my parts side by side
You cursed me and could not understand why I was mad
The spit from your mouth was hotter than the wind
I heard my soldier fighting and calling my name
I saw formless minions clenching her arms and covering her mouth
You refused to hear me so I didn’t to speak
Above the muffled screams of my soldier
You made known all your accusations
No one spoke for me because the buildings caught on fire
I knew I was still alive because I remembered His words
You also cursed Him because you didn’t act in your own power
In the arms of my soldier I awoke
as my feline baby wove his way in
Bathed by the softness of their eyes I was finally near peace
Every blow, every burn, every cut still fresh
I cried in pain, in my body and sorrow in my mind
My Commanders voice whispered the truth in the quiet
because He had already won
You can’t reach me unless I let you
and I am learning how to not let you in
Learning about salt, otherwise known as sodium chloride is very useful in managing your wellness plan. Salt is made of 40% sodium and 60% chloride. Salt is used to add flavor to food. It is also used as a preservative, binder and stabilizer. Salt is necessary to the human body to conduct nerve impulses, contract and relax muscles and retain the proper balance of water and minerals. While the human body needs only a small amount of sodium to do its job, salt also makes our food taste good….and not all salt is created equal. There are many types to choose from with different tastes, textures and mineral and sodium content. Most of the world’s salt is harvested from salt mines or by evaporating sea water or other mineral-rich waters. (more…)
Chapter 15 “Yes You Can Think”For God hath no given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:17
Many codependents do not trust our minds and indecision can make the smallest choices frustrating – so big choices like what to do with our lives or who to live with or how to solve our problems can be overwhelming.
We must think, figure things out, decide what we need and want and decide how to solve our own problems.
Our ability to think may be clouded by lies we have believed, told to us or by ourselves (denial), chaos, stress, low self-esteem and repressed emotions.
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One time I bought a fish. He was a beta and the pet store had put him in a tank full of white fish who had bit off all his fins to keep him submissive. When I bought him, he was almost clear in color. One year after living in his own tank he had the longest, most vibrant colored fins I have ever seen on a fish. I feel like that fish.
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Being chronically ill is like trying to live on a teeter totter by yourself. Dealing with sickness, pain, depression and anger is common. Sometimes it is really hard to stay positive, especially when occasionally it seems like you just got catapulted off the darn thing and you don’t know when and where you will land, or if you will land softly. Sometimes just the fear of what could happen during a flair up catches you off guard.
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I have been slowly taking in this great book for about 6 weeks. While I am digesting and praying about issues that seem to come about in me, I see myself growing and learning to be focused on being positive and learning to communicate better. Chapter 14 in Codependent No More is about anger, something I have a lot of experience with, here is what I have gleaned and learned about anger:
Some people prefer to stay angry because it makes us feel more powerful and less vulnerable.
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While we are standing at the jump off point of your new path toward wellness you might feel a little frustrated by all the changes that you see in front of you. Learning how to educate yourself about food is really important, so we thought we might start out with a big one Cooking Oils. Before we can delve into that topic, lets take a crash course on FAT…
There are 3 kinds of fats: good fats, bad fats and neutral fats. Good fats have been clinically proven to benefit our bodies, bad fats are harmful to our bodies and neutral fats which may not damage our bodies but probably don’t benefit them very much.
Examples of Good Fats: (more…)
In this article we are going talk about a painful topic: Miscarriage Signs, Symptoms & Treatment. Pregnancy is a blessing that brings so much anticipation; because of the commonality of miscarriage it is wise to be educated about miscarriage in the case that you or someone that you love must go through this experience. We hope that you find the information in this article helpful.
Definition: Miscarriage is a term used to describe a pregnancy that ends on its own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation. Sometimes miscarriage is referred to as a spontaneous abortion.
Heartburn sucks and often times your only choice to fight it is acid blockers! If you haven’t had it before, I am so glad for you. Heartburn feels like hot pressure in your chest and sometimes leads people to believe they are having a heart attack. Some people may occasionally experience this after eating too much salt, sugar or fat; some people suffer from a number of chronic illnesses like gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) which is when your stomach produces so much stomach acid that it backs up into your esophagus, sometimes it is like an eruption and can cause coughing and vomiting; long-term out of control heartburn can cause throat infections, ulcers, difficulty or pain when swallowing and increased chance of throat cancer. (more…)
We heard a great message at church this week; one that caused me to consider what I would change if I could go back in time. I have considered this many times. My list has changed through the years, as I grew up in Jesus. It is amazing how different what we think we need during times of great stress is from when we are spending time getting to know Jesus and our identity in Him…
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Feel Your Own FeelingsThere are people that I have withdrawn so completely from, emotionally, that they don’t know me at all. I have known them my whole life. I love them. I know they love me. At an earlier time in my life, I learned it was dangerous to trust them because they could absolutely crush me. My “going away” only made me stuff all the emotions I felt because of their actions. Until I became so overloaded with emotions that I could not bear even seeing them.
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In a quiet only known with You
You are God
I can reach out and touch the gifts of Your praise
In the colors of Your rainbow are Your radiance and mercy
and I have been allowed to be here!
You chose me before You made me
or the earth and all its wonders
You tell me how much You love me
with every breath You breathe into me
I am but to praise You with Your own love and faith
and I will stay here for awhile
because it took so long to see how much You gave for me
To stand here and minister to You with Your own song
with Your own truth
In a quiet only known with You
No one pays me for what I do here.
If you would like to buy me a cup of coffee please do.
Thank you for reading and make sure to leave a comment.
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