by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 17, 2023 | Life, Opinions
I found the book, Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo, completely by accident. I was on the Longview Public Library’s website looking for another book and they suggested this one to me based on other books I have checked out. I really enjoyed this book. It was a breath of fresh air after the heavy story of the House of Gucci. Of course it had it’s own moments of family issues, Harjo was always striving for peace and she found it.
“East is the direction of beginning. It is sunrise. When beloved sun rises, it is an entrance, a door to fresh knowledge. Breathe the light in. Call upon the assistance you need for the day. Give thanks.” Chapter 1
Joy Harjo’s family is from Tulsa, Oklahoma, her mother is Cherokee and her father is Mvskoke. She is reminded to be respectful to mystery and walk this earthly path with compassion. Her father was an alcoholic who abused her mother. They divorced when Harjo was 8-years-old.
“North is the direction where the difficult teachers live. It is prophecy.” Chapter 2
When Harjo’s mother married her White stepfather, he was nice before the marriage but after the marriage, he proved to be physically and emotionally abusive to Harjo, her mother and her 2 brothers and sister. He was very jealous and controlling. Everything creative had to stop when the stepfather came home. He would beat them for singing.
Harjo loved to read. She loved the discipline and the ritual of learning and read her quota of books from the library every week. She was the library reference for her friends. When she was in high school, she was able to get free from her abusive home by traveling to Santa Fe, California and enrolling at the Institute of American Indian Arts, a high school for Native American students from all over the United States.
“We were all ‘skins’ traveling together in an age of metamorphosis, facing the same traumas from colonization and dehumanization. We were direct evidence of the struggle of our ancestors…We continued to battle with troubled families and the history we could never leave behind. These tensions often erupted in violence provoked by alcohol, drugs and the ordinary frustrations of being human.” Chapter 2
“West is the direction of endings. It is the doorway to the ancestors, the direction of tests. It represents leaving and being left and learning to find the road in the darkness.” Chapter 3
Harjo met her high school boyfriend while at IAIA. She enjoyed learning about painting and drawing but also about theatre, dance, meditation — she also became pregnant. After school let out for the summer she joined him in Tahlequah, Oklahoma where his mother lived.
Once the baby was born they moved to Tulsa, then back to Sante Fe. They had tried marriage but it didn’t work and Harjo finally took her son and moved on.
“South is the direction of release. It is fire and creativity. It is the tails of 2 snakes making a spiral, looping over and over, an eternal transformation.” Chapter 4
Harjo’s dreams were always speaking to her and believes if you don’t answer them they will drag you down with great sadness from abandonment. She kept up her schooling and working in political and social topics that meant a lot to here. She found that many Native Americans were inspired by Black Americans but they did not want to become full-fledged United States citizens, they wanted to maintain they tribal culture.
While in school, Harjo began struggling with panic attacks. She was in a relationship with a man that was wonderful if he was sober but not when he wasn’t and she had to finally make the choice to let him go. She also had to face her own alcohol addiction. As she continued to come to know herself she finally was able to begin writing poetry and learn to follow the poetry on her path.
I believe this book is about growth and learning to let go of fear which, to me is the meaning of life. I highly recommend this book and I look forward to reading some of Harjo’s poetry soon.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Crazy Brave: A Memoir by Joy Harjo on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Crazy Brave by Joy Harjo
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I found Crazy Brave by Joy Harjo to be inspiring. I could relate to her on many levels and learn from her as well. There is much to learn from this book and from this woman.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 13, 2023 | Life
My nephew suggested that I read House of Gucci by Sara Gay Forden. He really enjoyed the information about the business and the family. I headed off to the library thinking I had requested them to hold this book but, in fact, had requested In the Name of Gucci by Patricia Gucci. Our library did not own House of Gucci by Sara Gay Forden yet…but they did after I requested they purchase it. After reading both books, I prefer that book by Patricia Gucci, Aldo Gucci’s daughter because her book was more about the relationships in the family than the business. I was interested in the business and history in the House of Gucci but the constant fighting amongst the family and the businesses were really draining on me and made me not want to continue reading the book.
I do think that Forden has a way with words. When I got into the book, I was able to read it easily and enjoy some of the art of it, but I do believe that this book could have been 2 or 3 books or maybe some of the details could have been deleted. By the end I knew details about people I had forgotten and wondered why she was bringing them up again. There were several times I had thought the book should have ended, to realize there were still more pages to read.
I happened to watch the motion picture House of Gucci, based on this book, before I read the book and I was delighted to have the book explain many details. After reading the book, I think the movie was a poor depiction of the book; this is often true, but in this case it is especially true and almost made me not read the book at all.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of House of Gucci by Sara Gay Forden on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
The House of Gucci: A Sensational Story of Murder, Madness, Glamour, and Greed by Sara Gay Forden
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Although I like the way that Sara Gay Forden puts words on paper, I don’t know if she knows how to edit her work. I believe this book should have been 2 or 3 books. This was a tedious read and seemingly never-ending. Although while reading The House of Gucci, I learned many details that the movie left out that leaves me to think that the motion picture was a poor version of the story.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 31, 2022 | Poetry
We protect them because they are cowards
who hide cowardly behind their sin
We are used to their weaknesses
We are used to being told to be quiet
We quietly keep the church pews clean
~
We put on our pretty clothes
We wear our pretty smiles and keep our secrets
behind the makeup we are so good at wearing
while victims are left in the gutter
No one will believe them because we wont protect them
~
Jesus said to defend the weak so we do
but He didn’t mean the ones with the big bibles
the dogma, the church standards, the ones who cover up with old money
God said to feed the poor, clothe the naked and lift up the downtrodden
instead we molest them, bend to complaints of neighbors, leave them to the government
~
And we hide behind our tax free pews
~
I am a sinner because I am married to my best friend
and we share the same sex
But members of your church leadership are
alcoholics, drug addicts, rapists and voyeurs
and don’t forget the ones that like to touch your children
~
I am not turned on by your big fancy buildings
your bids for money to save people on the other side of the world
I don’t care about how many big screens you have on the
inside and outside of your building
When your ego is bigger than your god
~
God has mercy on us all
Thank You Jesus for Your faithfulness to the action plan
I miss the music from the pews and the honest lovers of Christ
But I am so angry and so tired of how complicated we have made
Loving Jesus together
~
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 30, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
I didn’t mean to check out Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel from the library. I had read it years ago but as I walked passed it, it called to me and I am so glad I answered it’s call. Especially because it isn’t anything like what I remember. I don’t know that is from illness or that I have changed so much that I process things differently, but I remember loving this book back then, and I love it now.
Like Water for Chocolate is a magical book. Tita, the main character, is a cook and how she feels affects the way people feel when they eat her food. This can be a good thing or very bad thing. In the book we watch Tita grow in the confines of strict family tradition, while surrounded by such magic that the dreams and food are fantastic. Throughout the book are fabulous recipes and dramatic descriptions of the De la Garza Ranch in Mexico while the country is at war.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Simply magical. I loved it!
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 28, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Life, Opinions
I am glad I didn’t purchase this book, as I had planned, but found Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy at the library instead. This book was a hard read. It was negative, I think it could have been organized better and I learned very little more than what I already knew about the N-word. The book was only 176 pages long and it took me forever to read because I just didn’t want to.
The word Nigger is derived from the Latin word for the color black; niger. According to the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang. Nigger was not originally meant as a negative term but somewhere between 1619 when John Rolf recorded in his journal the first shipment of Africans to Virginia, and in 1837, when in A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States, and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them, Hosea Easton wrote that nigger “is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [Blacks] as an inferior race.” Chapter 1
In 1985 social psychologists tested groups of White college students judging Black and White debaters. After the debates people nearby spoke of the Black contestants as niggers, or in a non-racial way, but negative way, and some made no comment at all. The psychologists found that the speakers that were slurred tended to have lower scores than the other debaters. This led them to believe this could have an effect on parole board hearings, promotion committee meetings, and jury deliberations. Chapter 2
Three Theories About the Use of the N-Word:
- The long and ugly history of the white racist and subordination of Black Americans should disqualify Whites from using this word.
- The equity earned through oppression grants Blacks cultural ownership rights so they should be allowed to monopolize on the slur’s cultural capital.
- White people do not have enough intimate knowledge of Black culture to use the N-word properly.
In one part of the book there are lists of rhymes and songs that were popular at some point in time. I was raised in a white family and in a white town. My parents were careful about what I watched on TV. I didn’t hear or see the N-word until I was old enough to look it up in the dictionary. I was surprised when I saw a familiar rhyme in this book but it had a word in it that was wrong. I never liked this rhyme because I wouldn’t want to catch anything by it’s toe. I didn’t want to hurt anything and I imagine that it would hurt to be caught by your toe. Sometimes it is fun to be “little girls” my wife and I asked her about this rhyme, hoping she could remember the word:
Eany-Meeny-Miney-Mo!
Catch a nigger by the toe!
If he hollers, let him go!
Eany-Meeny-Miney-Mo!
When she got to “nigger” her whole countenance changed as if someone had stepped on her shoulders. When she saw the shock in my face, she said “Tiger.”
My wife wasn’t raised in a white family or a white town. I forget that sometimes. I wish I hadn’t asked her about that rhyme because obviously someone had used those words to demean her and take her beautiful smile off her face. Now I really hate that rhyme.
On a side note, I never forgot what that dictionary at the school library said the meaning of the word nigger was: a four legged animal. I can’t find a dictionary that says that anymore.
In our home we don’t use the N-word unless we are talking about the use of it. We understand that some black households believe that they have the right to the ownership of it but in the mixing of cultures it too easy to misread a room. We agree that using the word nigger stops us from moving forward. It is important to know our history, learn from it and to not hide our history, but we don’t need to warp it and wear it like a blanket filled with holes and rot.
“The persistent viability of the N-word in the Black community, is a scar from centuries of cultural racism.” Professor Halford, H Fairchild, Chapter 3
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Nigger The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy on Amazon.
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
This was a hard read. I felt like it could have been organized better. The topic, itself, was hard and I don’t really feel like I learned anything.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 23, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Thanksgiving
When I was little we always had an artificial tree. I am sure part of the reason was because I was a very easily sick child. We started with a very small tree, maybe because my parents were afraid I would pull it over onto myself and then for a short while we lived in an apartment before we found our house on Oak Street when we moved to Longview. Then we got the big artificial tree. I don’t think my parents knew I am allergic to live Christmas trees; it was probably more of an economic choice on my father’s behalf.
The year after their divorce, my mother wanted to try things differently so she got a live tree and new ornaments. I struggled to get the tree into the stand and the lights just so. This job had always been Dad’s job and now it was mine. Yeah! (Not really) Somehow we lived through getting the tree up. I didn’t like the smell and the vacuuming was never ending. And the congestion and coughing was getting worse and worse every minute.
For the entire Christmas season I had to listen to my mother blame my unexpected sickness on a sudden allergy to my cat…Maxine had slept with me every night since she’d moved in and I never had a problem, but suddenly I was allergic to her. I didn’t see the logic in my 10-year-old mind.
Another difference was that we suddenly had to be afraid of the lights. On the artificial tree we could leave the lights plugged in and we never had to water it and the shedding was minimal. My vacuuming time had increased substantially…
Minutes after the tree had been thrown out the back door and the last needle vacuumed up, my congestion had almost completely cleared up…and by the next Christmas a new artificial tree had been purchased.
I have had employees that put up live trees that noticed that I was fine at the top of my shift and my eyes are red and swollen and I was coughing and sneezing by the end of my shift; not optimal when you work at an answering service…We learned to keep some of the doors shut for my benefit and I always keep cough drops on hand. Man was I happy when I saw new employers drag out artificial trees!
So many times people seem so sad for me when I tell them this little truth of mine, but I am not. Since I am allergic to them, the smell does not bring happy memories to me. If you take care of your artificial tree, you can use it indefinitely. I have used the same 6 ft tree, bought at Walmart, for over 25+ years at my home and at many other homes. If you are good at decorating, you can’t tell it is not real and although my tree has never been able to take Xavier’s weight, my mother’s 8 foot tree was able to hold him for a nap or two before he decided that he preferred the lit up sparkly fabric I used to put around the foot of her tree. If she had not run the stand over with her truck, while it was in the garage, it would still be standing. Heck with the help with some fishing line I got it to stand for one more Christmas anyway…
What I miss about Christmas is security and traditions. It seems like Karen and I haven’t been able to have those at the same time for a long time. I wouldn’t trade these years where we have grown and learned so much for anything, while we fixed our credit and Karen has had to make hard choices about her dream business or working and both. Where I have had to be honest with myself about my mental illness and chronic illness and learn to take care of myself and make hard choices about what I need and what I don’t need. We have some security but we still don’t have a lease so it isn’t solid and we don’t have many comforts that so many take for granted and some of the people we know don’t even have what we have and this breaks my heart. I haven’t figured out how to have Christmas traditions where we live, other than music and a few movies.
We are very blessed and I know this. I thank God for this always. This is my biggest prayer all the time! And I know we are very close to some of those things like a kitchen and laundry room that I always took for granted before, but never will again. When this happens, I imagine we will often have someone sleeping on our couch for a few days, or if we have a guest room, in the guest room. It is a good thing I can’t just make 1 quart of soup but always make 6 quarts of stew because I am sure we will have people over and I look forward to board games and maybe getting a dog. I don’t think Xavier will like that idea, but he has surprised me a lot this last year…so maybe that wont be as bad as I think. I look forward to foster kids or just kids…they will find us because we have a lot of love to share.
Cookies and lights can be part of every day. Movies and music can be enjoyed every day and good books and stories are important always. Karen always says we celebrate every day. We say, “I love you,” constantly. We think about each other and try to make each others burdens lighter, however we can. I guess that is Christmas all year. Although I miss having room for a Christmas tree, we have found ways to keep Christmas and maybe next year will be the best year yet! It’s OK if I am allergic to live Christmas trees…at least I am not allergic to Christmas.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 22, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope you have everything your heart desires. To be honest I am struggling and with several triggers that I can’t really talk about so I thought I would talk about my cat Xavier (pronounced Javier) Rock’On. He is such a special animal. I am sure that your pets are special to you too. Animals are very special.
Before Xavier came to me I had a dream about a cat that looked like him and in the dream his name was Javier…I like the X better. When my, then, 7-year-old nephew came into the church sanctuary where we were with him cradled in his arms, I was sold. His mother couldn’t have him but I could. The deal was he would be mine but he would be my nephew’s too. When my, then, 4-year-old nephew came over he was sad that he did get to name the cat so I let him give him a middle name and that is where Rock’On came into the picture and it seems to fit.
Xavier has been a handful since day one. He taught me that he was a very sensitive cat and he needed peace, even when his behavior was bad. No yelling or any form of discipline really worked to train him, it only made his behavior worse. He is a biter and he has to rub is paws, either with or without his claws on walls, carpet and furniture…which helped me to have a little peace after I had his claws removed. What did work? Positive reinforcement when he was doing what I wanted and guiding the acceptable behavior.
Luckily he is terrified of heights so he only climbed the drapes a couple times and brought the Christmas tree down once…until he learned it was much better to nap under the tree when we left a space under it for him. He quit jumping on the dining room table as long as I gave him a chair next to me. He stopped climbing on the kitchen cabinets once we gave up the fight on sitting water and let the bathtub slowly drip…he will not drink sitting water…it just isn’t going to happen. He doesn’t eat stale food so I feed him 4 times a day but that also gives me time to spend with him…
In return, because most of his feeding times are times I need to take meds, so he nags me until he sees me take them. He knows when I am having a nightmare and when I am going to be sick so he wakes me up so I can take care of myself. He also knows when Karen has overslept her alarm and gets her out of bed to go to work. He knows when we should go to bed and rallies for bedtime like a Drill Sargent.
I love that he has a personal relationship with me and with Karen. I get to hold him and do all the nurturing things. Karen gets kisses and she is the fun mom that gives treats and plays with him. He doesn’t let us switch places very often. But I have been struggling a lot the last few days. He climbed into my arms and kissed me three times on the cheek. I thought, “Wow! I must be a queen today!”
I have known Xavier since he was taken from his mother and I got to box train him and been there for all his phases. He had never been an overly cuddly cat and he has a lot of boundaries. But he does like to be brushed. As he has gotten older I try really hard to brush him at least every other day because I know it is getting harder for him to reach everything. When I brush him, he tries to keep his left rear leg away from me. I think that joint hurts the most, so I am gentle when I reach around and over to try to brush it anyway, blindly. I am surprised with how cold it is, how much hair I have been removing off of him every day this week, but yesterday was his day for his flea treatment. I always brush him for as long as he will let me on that day because when he licks the solution he shows signs of an allergy to it. I have tried lots of other methods but nothing works like the topical treatment I use, and he is allergic to fleas so we soldier on and if I can brush him for 30 minutes it absorbs into his skin enough that it doesn’t bother him as much.
Yesterday he purposely stood with his left back leg faced to me and I thought that was odd. I began brushing and I noticed that all the things he usually fights me on, he wasn’t fighting me on. Until I found a mat in his fur. If he has ever, had one, I don’t remember it. I tried to brush it out but it would not budge. Eventually I grabbed some scissors and cut it out. He looked worried. He has the most expressive eyes. When I told him everything was ok and I was happy to help him, he waited and the minute it was removed, he looked to relieved.
Xavier has taught me a lot about myself. I am a sensory person too. Lights and sounds are hard for me. Too many people overwhelm me. People that take too much make me flare up and get sick. I go out of my way to protect him from stress so he doesn’t get sick..I am learning to do the same for myself. We thrive in a peaceful place with good music, thoughtful people, good books and lots of love. And it is nice to know that when we need help there is someone there to help us, whether it is to remind me to take me meds or someone to cut the mats out of our fur…
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 17, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
Most people love getting gifts but I am not most people; I hate getting gifts. It isn’t because I don’t like people showing their love but gifts often meant something else for me growing up. Gifts were maybe the only show of affection I might get for months. It might be the only kindness I might get that day. It also might be a useless box of something I hated that I had to pretend I loved or I was a rude girl who didn’t deserve any gifts at all.
It isn’t that I wasn’t loved growing up, I just process love differently than my parents did. There were so many rules after my parents divorced. There were rules when they were married but so many more afterwards. Mom was pretty easy because she knew us. But since they didn’t follow the parenting plan and they fought and always through me I was so stressed out. Christmas wasn’t fun. Dad wanted Christmas lists and you had to have gifts of all different price ranges so he could surprise you and fill your stocking…very practical…Most of the time the stocking stuffers I got were the freebees that my dad’s wife got for buying other things and I gave them away.
You would think things would have changed when we became grown ups and to some extent they did. One of my younger siblings became the planner and I wasn’t invited until the last minute or when I called my older sibling…Somewhere in there I got in trouble for bringing gifts for people because I had ignored the no gifts for adults theme they had decided on because my father and his wife had decided to pay for dinner instead of buying gifts…yet they didn’t care that I couldn’t eat that food because of my food sensitivities and I didn’t care about their rule and laughed as they opened the gifts I either made or bought for them anyway. But I wasn’t ignored…
I have always wanted to be a mom. I still ache to be a mom. God brings me to scriptures about Abraham and Sarah so I don’t know what He has up His sleeve but I have faith in Him…but as my siblings became mothers I found it was so much more fun and easy to be an auntie then worry about trying to be part of their group. I adored my kiddos, my greatest gifts, up to that point. I listened to them and played with them. I tried to encourage them and we always talked about Jesus. I bought all of them their first bibles and was there for most of them when they asked Jesus into their hearts. My greatest joy! I wasn’t trying to be their mom, I always encouraged them to honor their parents and I had to bite my tongue or apologize at times. I am sure with the competition platform we were raised on, my siblings didn’t understand that I was on their side and I wasn’t trying to compete. Our goals were the same to see their kids grow up healthy, safe and strong.
At some point I was completely cut off. I was told by my siblings to not contact their children anymore. I had already been blocked on social media sites so I wasn’t able to see pictures anymore so this wasn’t a surprise.
I deserved some of the rebuttal I got but not the shunning I lived in.
Today I received a birthday card from my father and his wife. I wasn’t going to open it but Karen seemed expectant. All the pink. The I love you…the bullshit. The obligatory check. They love me, but they never email or send a note or a get well card. I know I told them not to call me but that is because when they call me, they yell at me, and I can’t talk on the phone anymore without an anxiety attack, unless it is to the doctor’s office or pharmacy. I loved pink when, I was little girl, but it turns my stomach now, and has since 8th grade, and if they knew anything about me, they would know that…but they don’t know me.
I mailed it back. The check. I don’t want it. I never wanted their money or their things. I just wanted someone to want to know me. I wanted someone to want to see me or talk to me. For years that is the present I wanted. That is still the gift I want.
I like relationship. It is always the right size and color. It is never out of fashion and if it is cared for it doesn’t go bad…but if you don’t care for it….
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 16, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Thanksgiving
We are accustomed to hearing Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzah…and many other holidays this time of year but I would like to wish many of you a Happy Dysfunctional Holidays! Let’s be real, this time of year is far from perfect for many of us. I am not saying I have never had a beautiful memory…like this time I was staying at my aunt and uncle’s house, when I was in high school and everyone was happy, there was no stress and we got a VCR! To top it off it began to snow just as we finished opening presents…
Generally for me the holidays were filled with more than less than perfect moments with divorced parents who never followed the parenting plan and fought constantly, before, during and after the event, through me…I am going to stop there because my stomach is starting to churn.
I had a dream the other night about an old relationship that was not healthy. My friend was a roommate and I loved him a lot but he was a drug addict and he couldn’t keep a job and he was emotionally manipulative. Towards the end of our friendship, I had given everything I had, even our rent money, which instead of giving to the manager, he spent on partying and we were being evicted. These were not the best parts of our relationship; the parts that kept me around. You don’t love someone for a person’s worst parts. Children and animals loved him. He could walk into any group and have a great conversation. He was very intelligent and he taught me a lot of important things. But he was an addict. In the dream I was very aware of this but I had found this one pair of socks that were very beautiful and I wanted to keep them to remember the parts I loved. The rest could go.
I am currently reading a book that I am glad that I didn’t buy and that the library had on hand: Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy. It is an emotionally draining book about a word that is considered a fighting word. I bet by the end I will have the same feeling that I have had on every page I have had as I read the first half of the book…I didn’t need to read this book to know that Nigger is life-sucking word.
You know what word can also be a life-sucking word: Family. To let me be more clear it is the two letter phrase: Dysfunctional Family that is life-sucking because the word family can be life-giving, affirming and foundational in so many wonderful ways. My current family which includes, my wife, Karen G Clemenson, our cat, Xavier, and my sister, Jamie Holloway, is amazing. We are honest with each other. We care for each other and share what we have. We are not afraid to talk about anything and even though at times we may have lied, betrayed and hurt each other, we have been able to work through those times and become stronger and more gentle with each other. That is the life-giving part; the brave part.
But in a dysfunctional family secrets, gossip, abuse and running away is what runs the show. This is why when we grow up we seek out abusive relationships, because that is what we know.
I had a dream about a life-long friend last night that kept interrupting me and was trying to needle their way into my life again, after they had dumped me, again. They had been done this many times through our life. The last time they told me they didn’t want to know me. This time I was going to remember this because I had moved beyond the need to be rejected. So in my dream I told them to please move on because I knew they didn’t want to know me and the dream was over.
What if it was that easy with family?
My quiet moments when I am not filling my time, are filled with memories I haven’t thought about in years. Sad times. Angry times. Confusing times. I know that at least one of my family members wants to reconnect. When I get sick of the memories I pray to God and ask Him to bless these people and me, where we are, and please let us all have a good night’s sleep. It has been working for me. But then they start when I am awake…until this morning, I had a memory over another breakup. When I had realized that this relationship was also abusive, I had said I would rather be alone than be emotionally abused.
So that is the answer.
The plus side is that I am not alone. I have Karen, Xavier and Jamie. There are some other casual friends and the ones I haven’t met yet…and God has always been my real parents. He taught me lots of things when I was alone….and I was alone a lot.
I know this may seem cold but it is actually really brave. There are people I didn’t want to lose that I have lost. Sometimes I feel like part of me is gone but then maybe she wasn’t the best part of me. It is brave to say, “Here and no further,” to someone that has had many opportunities to know you and yet doesn’t want to. They have been invited and didn’t show up. They have been called and didn’t answer or call back. They have made plans only to cancel. It is ok to finally realize who is your real family.
Once you do that you might be stuck with some memories that are painful but just keep giving them back to God and thank Him for the “socks”. Merry Christmas.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 15, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
Tilo is the Mistress of Spices. She currently resides in Oakland, California where she sells grocery items and spices, some meant to cure people’s troubles. Her Teacher knew she was too rebellious and independent to be a perfect Mistress but she let her take her place and make her choice.
- She was not to leave her store.
- Se was not to touch anyone or let them touch her.
- She was not to care to much or too little, but the same for everyone in her store.
- She must only serve others, never herself.
Her Teacher told her that must only let the spices lead her and if she worries beyond the walls of her store she will become overwhelmed. At night she can listen to the wishes of her customers:
“I dip my mouth into its sweetness, milk white lines my lips, it’s like New Year, and like New Year I can wish for anything. So I do, for a house, a big two-story house with flowers in front and not clothes hanging out of windows, and enough rooms so we don’t have to sleep two to a bed, enough bathrooms for long long baths and hot water also. I am wishing a shiny new car with gold hubcaps and white seats like cat’s fur, and maybe a motorcycle as well, a red motorcycle, that pulls the breath right out of you when Elder Brother zooms off with you behind. For Mother, a new pair of shoes instead of the one she lines with newspaper, and sparkly earrings like the women on TV. And for me, for me, lots and lots of Barbie dolls, Barbie in a nightgown and Barbie in a prom dress and Barbie in a swim suit, silver high heals and lipstick and real breasts. Barbie with waist so narrow and hair so gold and most of all skin so white, and yes, even though I know I shouldn’t, I must be proud like Mother says to be Indian, I wish for that American skin that American hair those blue blue American eyes so that no one will stare at me except to say WOW.” Kheer, Chapter 4, Fenugreek
I found The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni while looking for other books at the library and it called to me. This story reminds me a little of The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner in that the spices had a magic and a cost to those who used it. The Mistress is able to help people but she has trouble living with the consequences and the customer’s choices so she begins to break the rules and in the end she must make a big choice about her own life.
I found this story to be refreshing and I couldn’t put this book down.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads:
The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I found this book by accident at the library…but maybe there are no accidents. I loved this book. It was full of imagination, culture, hope, sadness and any number of emotions. I could not put this book down.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 14, 2022 | Essential Oils, Life, Marketing, Opinions
Merry Christmas! I wish you Holiday Peace and Joy at this beautiful time of year that is celebrated for many reasons by many types of people and religions and I hope you all feel blessed.
I want to tell you a cute story about my cat. I have been using Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils for 11 years and I am not sure how many times I have been asked if they are safe for cats but, as a person who has been learning as I went, so has my cat. Xavier (pronounced Javier) is very much like his particular and opinionated mommy. He likes things the way he likes them and when Xavier is not happy, no one is happy. I am used to getting up at least once in the night to give him his 5 am feeding (he has IBS and is a compulsive eater) and love on him which is just as important for my anxious little guy. We play music at night because Xavier demands it but he has also grown accustomed to the diffuser.
The other night was not like other nights: We had cuddled. He had been fed. I made sure the bathtub was slowly dripping (he wont drink sitting water). The music was still playing and I was trying to separate myself to go back to bed but Xavier would not have it. He sat on the floor looking at me and grunting until I realized that the diffuser had gone dry.
After I was done laughing; I mean what else can you do? I refilled the defuser and put On Guard in it…that is his favorite oil. How do I know? He will lay on the floor beneath the diffuser for a bit and then run around the room and play and then come back to the diffuser and take a nap…
So the main rule is that the cat needs to be able to get away from the oil. Don’t apply oils to the cat directly or give them to the cat internally. Wash your hands after you have been working with oils to keep them from licking the oils off your hands. Cats have very different metabolisms than humans do and ingesting certain oils can be lethal. But diffusing is the safest way to use oils around cats because they are diluted by the water.
Now back to Holiday Peace and Holiday Joy…These are seasonal oils that doTERRA puts out and they are lovely. Here is my trick. I have never made a point of buying both of them until this year and when I got them I tried them in the diffuser individually and thought they were lovely but what I really enjoyed was putting them together with a little Peppermint…that was the Golden Ticket. Talk about smelling the holidays! I highly suggest this combination!
If you have any questions about Certified Pure Grade Essential Oils please Contact Me.
From my family to yours, we hope that you are blessing during this season.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 13, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions
The first time I read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, I was about 9-years-old. I was visiting my aunt and uncle in Massachusetts and I had brought it along with me. It was a book that my grandmother had bought for my mother and aunt when they were girls. It was the first real chapter book I had really read. I was so excited after I had finished this book the first time that I also read Jack and Jill, also by Louisa May Alcott and a 500 page book about Helen Keller (I don’t remember the name of it), all in a months time. I had been bit by the book bug.
I think it helped that my aunt took my cousins and I to the library every week and we had times where we just looked at books. We had books at my house and like my aunt’s house, we had a big book shelf full of books and baskets with books in them and my mother read to us, but I think the library was the clincher for me. That magical place with so many books. It feels like magic in there for me. I feel excited in a library or a good book store.
I have tried to read this book again but I had trouble getting into it at different times. I don’t have that original copy with me at this time so I tried to download it onto my Kindle, but I have decided I hate reading on my Kindle. It hurts my wrists to hold it up and I don’t want to spend money to find a better case so it is just gathering dust until I decide what to do with it. I like to read real books so after reading The Reading List I was inspired to give Little Women another go and found it at my local library.
I am convinced that the copy of Little Women, that I read 37 years ago, was a condensed copy. First, it was much smaller than this huge book sitting next to me with 520 pages in it. Second, even with accounting for some of my memories being washed away by the many movie versions of this book that I have seen, there are so many details about the characters that I can’t recall at all. Both of these details make me glad that I checked this book out at the library.
That summer I visited in Massachusetts wasn’t just special because I got bit by the reading bug…and many bugs…it is very humid there…but we also went to see The Concord House where the Alcott Family lived. It was very special to see the drawings on the walls, the stories written by Alcott, the music sheets, needlepoint and other arts that that the Alcott Family all created. It made the book come alive to me. I thought about that several times as I read about their adventures.
I loved the intimacy they all held for each other. I love how Alcott took time to develop each character in a specific and loving way. The book was written during the Civil War, yet she doesn’t develop which war it is, just how important it is to support our troops, with all we have. There is gossip of bias between well-off British and United States citizens and the March girls just don’t entertain those thoughts, they just keep moving forward because they don’t have time for such folly. Each disagreement is brought back around to the well-being of their sister or friend in such a generous way, it was so refreshing to read this especially near Christmas time, this may be a book I read again near Christmas more frequently. I believe this book has blessings for anyone who reads it.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads:
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I first read this book when I was 9-years-old and 37 years later it still amazing!
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 12, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
Among the brokenness, addiction and poverty there sings a sings a song of strength, family and power on every page of There There a Novel by Tommy Orange. I am glad I found this book as I wandered the isles of the library. The stories of 12 Native American people as they traveled through life with little to anchor them were both sad and yet they kept moving forward.
This book left me feeling a lot. I could not bring myself to take notes but just absorb the pain of each character as they went through life disconnected from their past and the legacy of their people, not knowing who was safe to trust or not. I was saddened and reminded of the fact that Black people were just as scared of medical professionals when it came to serious medical conditions because of atrocities that were done against them, as characters in the book let cancer take them without treatment.
In the end, confused children brought the story to a sad end, yet in some way family still prevailed, whether they knew it or not. This book was a powerful read.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of There There a Novel by Tommy Orange on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads:
There There by Tommy Orange
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book really pulled at my heart. Tommy Orange successfully created characters that I could believe and love. I could feel their pain and confusion at times, but always their strength.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 8, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I met her in my twenties, when I began really digging to try to find freedom from what was wrong with me mentally and spiritually. I had read somewhere about asking this part of yourself that seemed to be its own personality, questions and having it answer with your non-dominate writing hand. She told me her name is Anna. She was very angry and scared and she wasn’t going anywhere. She told me she was 5-years-old.
A lot happened when I was 5-years-old: I met Jesus, my grammy (great-grandmother and favorite person) died, I started first grade, and my mother became pregnant with my youngest sibling. There is probably more but that is the big stuff and those are just the main details; each of those events having their own events to go with them.
I don’t think that Anna is only 5. I think she ranges in age from 5 through teenage years. I think this because of what she seems to do. I have spent a lot of time trying to get rid of her, trying to understand her and now trying to learn to live with her because she wont leave, she wont grow up and she wont give up her job. Anna’s job is to hold my emotions and my most painful and scary memories from growing up.
Unlike Veda, which I named, hoping I could control and seem to see leave more quickly. Veda is mainly depression and she doesn’t live here. She visits. Anna lives here and she waits quietly until she is reminded of a situation that is too similar to ones she has lived through before. She screams and cries in my head when she is upset, which is very distracting. She invites Veda. She also brings nightmares since she lives in my subconscious.
Often I am able to parent Anna, reminding her that we are here now. That we are safe, I can create boundaries and that the people that have hurt us or misunderstood us are no longer in our life, are not here, and they wont be able to hurt us anymore. She usually calms down in a few days but the time she is active is very blue for me.
This is the hard part of the year for me and Anna is more active and I had a family member reach out to me. They were kind and hopeful. I asked them to pray for me. They are hopeful for a relationship. I did not promise anything because I can’t. But Anna is terrified of them and 3 other people they are connected to either directly or indirectly. It has been an emotionally painful few days which leads to more physical pain…
I always try to find something positive in my situations so I decided to look up the meanings of the names that came to me for these parts of myself. Veda means wisdom in Sanskrit and is popular among followers of Hinduism. Anna is widely used among many countries but is found in the Latin meaning grace. I don’t feel as though I purposely chose these names because I remember when they came to me and it was very impromptu. But what I find fascinating is that wisdom and grace are the things I am always asking God for.
Depression often comes when we have been trying to carry something on our own, so it would make sense that I would need to rest and realign where my strength is found and this takes wisdom. Although Anna makes my life frustrating she does cause me to ask God for more grace because it isn’t her fault that she was emotionally neglected and abused.
When I think of relationship with family members I really don’t know what that looks like. For years I tried to engage but I am very different. I am very sensitive in every way: lights, sounds, foods, emotions, manners. I don’t care for current pop culture, and really never have. I hate gossip and prefer to hear about people from themselves and never from anyone else. I don’t care for TV. Because of all these other things I don’t do small talk well. I like to dive into deep conversations and debates. I am not a surface person. Groups are stressful to me because I like to give my attention to 1-3 people exclusively. Because I was often left to myself growing up and I love children because they have no agenda other than to be loved and heard, I find myself getting in trouble with parents because I listen to their children and then tell them things they missed.
I have been told I am hard to please but actually I am super easy. I don’t care about fancy things and money is useful but I don’t care about it either. I like time and conversation. I like people showing up or returning my cards and letters or calls. I love authenticity and honesty. I have been criticized and left behind (rejected) so much by all of them that I don’t see any reason to try to add them into my life. I am not going to stop being fat any time soon, or opinionated and Anna is not going to change, she has made this abundantly clear. So even though all the children have grown up, the advice I gave is still being held against me, according to the last conversation I put myself through. Right now I am parenting Anna. She needs to know that I hear her. She needs to know that I have her back and we will proceed with caution in whatever direction we go in.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 2, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
When I was growing up one of the very few shows my mother allowed me to watch was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and I watched it every chance I got, even through high school. Mr. Roger’s slow speech and gentle way of explaining things was a welcome change of the world around me that seemed to go too fast. It is refreshing to know that Mr. Rogers was naturally like himself but that he also took the time to train himself to speak to children at their level. I know he was a kindred spirit to myself and many, as we can learn, in great detail in The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King.
“When I was a boy I used to think that strong meant having big muscles, great physical power, but the longer I live, the more I realize that real strength has much more to do with what is not seen. Real strength has to do with helping others.” Fred Rogers
Fred McFeely Rogers was born on March 20, 1928 at his maternal grandparent’s home. He was raised in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. His mother’s delivery was very difficult and her doctor advised Roger’s parents against another pregnancy. Roger’s parents took this advice and when he was 11-years-old, his parents adopted his sister, Nancy Elaine Rogers (Crozier), who they called Laney.
Roger’s family had a hand in building much of the wealth in their community. Whey they were not working, they were volunteering, helping with fundraisers and writing checks or sending food baskets to families that needed help. Although they were well-off they were not pretentious.
Rogers had a very sheltered life from his over-protective mother, which only encouraged his naturally withdrawn nature. His family was devoted to faith, hard work and philanthropy and these thing were important to Rogers as well. Although he had trouble fitting in with his peers. He enjoyed reading, listening to music, puppetry, artistry and practicing his love for the piano. Even as a child he would perform puppet shows for his friends and he would pay close attention to see what they enjoyed most.
Faith, independence and music had helped Rogers develop his creative and artistic personality.
Rogers was so excited about television as it came to fruition. He saw it as an amazing medium for education. He saw it as a great way to engage children in a positive way. That is what he hoped it would be, until it became a tool for selling.
In 1953 Rogers got an opportunity to be on the ground floor of educational television on public television back in his home town. So he and his wife moved to Pittsburgh. Although he enjoyed his work at NBC, his only way up now was to become an executive and he knew he wanted to remain creative.
While working on the public television show, The Children’s Corner, Rogers remained devoted to becoming a minister. In 1955 he began studying, part-time at seminary while he continued to work.
Rogers and his wife welcomed their first son, Jim in 1959, Their second son, John was born in 1961.
Rogers earned his Master of Divinity, Magna Cum Laude, after 8 years of study in 1963. During the time he was studying for seminary, Rogers was also studying child development under the tutelage of Dr. Margaret McFarland at the Arsenal Family and Children’s Center in preparation to combine Roger’s love for children and ministry to create Mister Roger’s Neighborhood.
“You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are are.” Fred Rogers, Chapter 15
Rogers went to Canada and with the help of Fred Rainsberry, a well-connected television executive, that believed, as Rogers, that children should not be sold to, they created Misterogers. The show was 15 minutes long and showed daily from 1963 to 1967 nationally. Many of our favorite things about Mister Roger’s Neighborhood were part of MIsterogers.
When it was time to create Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, Rogers based it on his hometown, which he loved. Joseph Horne of Joseph Horne Department Store was the first advertiser. Rogers stood strong with his belief that children should not be sold to. The department store was listed at the beginning and the end of each 15 minute show as the sponsor. The store saw a noticeable growth. When the contract of 13 episodes was over, Rogers had to find more funding. With the help of many friends, including crowds of parents and children, sponsors were found, including Sears Roebuck Foundation.
1968 was the first year for Mister Rogers Neighborhood and Rogers knew exactly what he wanted. He knew children learned best in a blend of reality and make believe and that is what he gave them. He encouraged his musicians to play musically complex songs, as they would for adults. Other musicians knew his show was the “hippest” music of the day.
Rogers was always fighting for quality children’s television. In 1969 he spoke before the Senate Sub-Committee on Communications to share his belief in the importance of Public Television and his words kept the funding in place. The recorded works of his speech were used again in 2017 when the funds for Public Television were on the chopping block again.
“Please think of the children first. If you even have anything to do with their entertainment, their food, their toys, their custody, their daycare, their health, their education — please listen to the children, learn about them, learn from them.” Fred Rogers, Chapter 16
In an interview between King and Roger’s oldest son we can learn: “Whatever his personal foibles, Jim Rogers observes, his father had only one real touchstone: ‘Being who you are was so important to him that the only thing that would really upset him was phoniness. As long as I was being genuine, honest, he respected that.’ He adds: ‘I think all Dad really ever wanted for John or me was to be happy and pleased with who we are.’” Chapter 9
Mister Roger’s Neighborhood won 4 Emmys. Roger’s won a Lifetime Achievement Award in 1997.
I was almost overwhelmed with the amount of information available in this book but I learned a lot about Mr. Rogers from The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King. I am glad I read it. I had many memories of watching his show that brought back good feelings for me. Mr. Rogers truly made an impact on my life and he still does. I highly recommend this book.
I got this book from the Longview Public Library you can get your own copy of The Good Neighbor The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads:
The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This book was not a light read. I learned more than I expected about Mister Rogers and even myself. He is still one of my favorite icons and probably always will be, for good reason. He was exactly who you saw. He was authentic always and loved always. His life’s work was to reach children, to teach them to understand their feelings and express them in safe ways and to always be curious. He was not a simple man but in the world he created in Mister Roger’s Neighborhood any problem that could be talked about could be managed and that made it more simple.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 1, 2022 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I told my therapist, yesterday, that I am sure I have forgiven several people in my life completely. The part I am struggling with is that you can forgive someone, let’s call them “Person A,” so many times and then it becomes apparent that they are not a safe person for you to be around because they keep hurting you so you are forced to create a boundary that says Person A can’t be in my life. The really hard part is that because of the dynamics of a particular group of people, you now have to remove yourself from the group of people because the relationship between Person A and you and everyone in the group doesn’t let you just remove one person.
I would love to try to have a relationship with Person B and Person C but they are too close to Person A and Person B is married to Person D and I don’t feel safe around them either. There are more variables but that is too many letters and we will both get confused. It is just easier to stay away but it does make me sad; sometimes it makes me angry.
People say: Oh well, it is the holidays! or Oh well, it is family, get over it!
My therapist said that trust is a hard thing to fix. I told her that I realized that I don’t trust women because the closest ones to me were manipulative towards me. She asked me how that manifests in my life. I said I have 2 close friends and I am married to one of them.
We agreed that it must take a lot for me to allow someone to really get close to me.
Am I writing this so I can whine and complain? No. I am writing this to encourage anyone that has been hurt that it is ok to look at your wounds and realize truths so you can work on them. I am talking to God and my therapist about my concerns. I am creating healthy boundaries for my mental health. I am continuing to affirm my value and maintain my self-care.
Some relationships can’t be fixed, but the relationship with myself can be.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 30, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
The first thing I think of when I think about Jamie Foxx is “ego”. That isn’t a bad thing. My wife, Karen G Clemenson, and I have pretty big egos but we are women and we live in Longview, Washington so we have learned to be creative with how we show them. Foxx, being a Black man, a stand-up comedian, musician, actor and general entertainer, he gets to swing his around a bit and it wasn’t a surprise to see it in his book, Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me.
I wasn’t shocked at how intelligent Foxx is either, I think you must be very smart to do stand-up and improv but I really enjoyed his writing too. I had a hard time putting his book down which did surprise me. I appreciated the stories Foxx told about his grandparents, who raised him and how he felt about his parents that were around but not available to him and how this made him very aware of what he didn’t want to do as a parent with his two daughters.
He was honest about mistakes he made as he learned how to be a parent and how he improved. Communication and connection are very important to Foxx and that was something that tried hard to work on with his parents even after he was an adult, as well as with his girls. Forgiveness and boundaries are also important lessons he has taught his girls.
One thing that Foxx made me consider that surprised me, is that each state is its own place. As Foxx described the vast differences between his home state of Texas and where he lives now, in California, Foxx had great pride in his home state, while he enjoys where he is now. I don’t know why I had never thought about that before but it took 46 years for me to come to this place to consider that each of our 50 states has its own laws, customs and expectations. With a Presidential election coming, it makes me realize that the President of The United States has a the job of getting 50 states with different laws, expectations and customs to go in the general same direction. Wow! That doesn’t count all the other stuff they do. I know it isn’t related…but Jamie Foxx brought me to this thought process. I amazed too!
Although I don’t prefer all of Foxx’s language, I really enjoyed this book, and he explains that he is not going to censor himself, so I know I am getting his authentic self, which I do appreciate. What I loved the most about this book is that I could feel how much love his grandparents had for him and how much love he has for his girls and his family. I highly recommend this book.
I got this book from the Longview Public Library you can get your own copy of Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx on Amazon.
~
Read My Review on GoodReads
Act Like You Got Some Sense: And Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Jamie Foxx never fails to surprise me. His writing is engaging. I hardly wanted to put this book down.
View all my reviews
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 23, 2022 | Book & Product Reviews, Fuel Your Wellness, Opinions
I first saw this book on the bed at my sister’s house and was interested. Jamie never gives any clues away, so I was totally shocked that The Gospel of Wellness by Rina Raphael was not what I was expecting. I learned a lot, yet I am not sure I was the target market for this book. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 17, 2022 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions, Wellness
I met with my psychiatrist last Friday and spoke with him about my concerns with things that were happening inside my head that were causing me stress. October through February were the hard months for my custodial parent, so I have a hard time in these months too. Plus the holidays are here and they had their own bag of not so fun goodies. We had kept me at the lowest dose I could stand because the Luvox was giving me headaches but that we before we found proof, via MRI, that I have had migraines for most of my life and began treating them. It is time to increase my mood stabilizers.
I don’t act on what happens in my head. I am in control of myself. Even my psychiatrist felt that that the screaming and crying I hear in my head is a part of myself that remembers the pain and not me wanting to hurt myself or anyone. I do have visions of inappropriate behavior but that is usually when I am angry. I try very hard to not get angry to a certain point. In the past I have blacked out and hurt people. I don’t ever want that to happen again. So when the visions start, which are a precursor to the black outs, I walk out of the room and calm down. Along with myself, I promised myself I would never hurt anyone on purpose a long time ago. Violence is not OK, ever.
As the holidays come closer I have more and more dreams about family members of the past. I think about moments and I feel old feelings. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to. I realized today that I don’t trust women because of the type of situations I was raised in. I don’t have much to say about men either. Most of the time the men in my life were working or doing their own thing, until they were needed. They just weren’t around much.
I was raised by a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder. I found the paperwork one day, by accident. I was looking for pictures for a photo album in their desk. BPD is a terrible mental illness to live with. From what I can remember, my parent put all their energy into working and they did that well. But when they came home, understandably they were exhausted and any self-control they had was spent. That self-hatred that comes with mental illness was there. I often didn’t know what parent would come home. I seemed to have several, of different ages. I don’t have a lot of memories because I have blocked most of them out, but I have lots of fears. That kind of fear doesn’t let you trust. I know my parent loves me and has always wanted the best for me, I also know that while I was growing up there were no reliable treatments for this mental illness. They gave me the best they had, and I know they were the best option available to me, but I still suffered.
My step-mother had her own issues. I am not going to go into a lot of details but she never earned my trust, but pushed it away. I know she had her own trauma experiences growing up. I am not a trained therapist or psychologist but I would not be surprised if she didn’t have her own diagnosis. My father loves her and I respect that but that keeps me away, especially since my siblings are so much like both my mothers. Both women have good and bad qualities but I find myself to be very defensive around them; I am not sure they are able to see the healthy, more balanced version of Summer that I have matured into.
I am hoping the increased meds will help quiet things in my head. I am going to talk to God about these new things I have noticed about myself. I want to get better. For my sake and the sake of people who I have yet to meet. Its ok to need to get help. I am thankful that I have a team that works well with me.
Read More:
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
Please wait...
