I Am Thankful When Situations Are Easy

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 26, 2023 | About Summer, Life

God tells us to do our best to be a good example and not cause harm to others. I try to live this always. I would hate to make someone stumble. I am thankful when situations are easy.

I had a wonderful experience this week. I went to my niece’s house to give a gift to my great-nephew. My niece had made a post on Facebook that she needed a break. Her little one needs to touch her all the time and she just needed a break. So I bought him a doll made of silicone. When silicone is touched and matches the body heat of the person touching it, it feels somewhat like skin. My great-nephew is going to be a big brother soon so I thought he might enjoy having his own baby to care for while mommy is busy. The doll didn’t come with a bottle so we had stopped at the store to get one. That was a good idea, because he did have a little doll and a shopping cart that he pushes the doll around in, but he didn’t have a bottle or cup to feed the baby with. The doll worked out well. His other baby can’t go in the tub with him, but this one can. He enjoyed taking care of both babies and the bottle and little cup that we bought him helped out a lot.

My niece lives with her mother and it was nice to see her too. Families are made in all kinds of ways and this niece came to me through a marriage that didn’t last but I never stopped loving her so I kept her. Her mother has been through a lot and has worked hard to overcome so much. I admire her journey and strength. I mentioned that I am close to graduating out of therapy. I am still overcome by that idea. After she thought about that, my niece’s mother said: “Good job. That means you have learned all the tools you need.”

People may have said something like that to me but this was the first time that I remember someone looking me in the eye and saying it to me. I really needed to have that experience.

I have been really torn about going to Nana’s celebration of life. I want to see my grandfather. But I am not a small talk person. I am not a big family function person. These people do not send me letters or cards. I have tried to create the type of pen pal relationships with some of them that I missed so much with Nana as she began to deteriorate mentally and that didn’t work. I haven’t spoken to my mother and siblings in a long time. I don’t want to answer questions of people I haven’t seen since my great-grandfather’s memorial service. There are just some truths that are painful and I don’t want to dishonor my mother in order to be authentic.

Becoming an auntie has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to see my other nephews and niece so badly, but they have the choice to reach out to me and they don’t.

I am hurting today. I have been hurting for about a week. I always hurt but this is deeper. It is making it harder to function. All I want to do is sleep. I know part of it is a little depression. Funny, Karen never says she can see it, but she says things like: “Please make sure you take your meds and eat some oatmeal today.”

I know that Nana is with Jesus and in my heart. I know that memorial services are to help the loved one remember the one we lost, together, but I have my own memorials for Nana as they naturally happen. I think it would be best if I kept doing that and save my family the stress of my honesty. Besides I hurt. My body is fighting cancer. It is going to be 85 degrees on Sunday and the heat makes me ill. Fibromyalgia is already messing with me…and then there is that bill that I was surprised with that will make it impossible to rent a car for the trip…our car is to temperamental.

To be honest with myself. I don’t think I can do this event well. Not everything is about me.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Book Review: Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble by Alexis Hall

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 21, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Queer Community

This book was found in the bottom of a box of books my sister gave to me. From the picture on the cover, I didn’t think this was my normal type of book but I was committed to read it. I try to expand my reading experiences. I never want to be stagnant. Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble by Alexis Hall is written for an audience that is probably in their young 20’s but it isn’t without merit.

I had trouble getting into the book because the main character, Paris, is so pathetic. He has no self-esteem, he apologizes for everything and he tends to make everything about himself, but you can tell he doesn’t mean to. A third of the way through the book I decided I had to keep reading just to see if he ever gets better.

Many of the characters in the book, including Tariq, Paris’ eventual love interest, are part of a televised baking contest and this adds a lot of drama to the book and even some fun ideas for readers that like to bake. Through their relationship and the help of Paris’ roommate, Morag, Paris finally gets some help and learns that he has a mental illness and is able to get the help he needs.

When we got to this part of the book, I understood why this guy was so annoying to me, because I have this same diagnosis and he reminded me of a younger me. I did find that the timeline of success with meds and treatment were pretty quick compared to my experience but it is just a novel and not real life and my experience is my own; I am just happy people are normalizing mental illness. Overall I thought this was a cute book.

I got this book from my sister Jamie Holloway. You can get your own copy of Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble by Alexis Hall on Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble by Alexis Hall
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I had trouble with this book. This book was written for a younger person than me, but the part that made it hard for me was probably, more that I can relate with the main character in many ways, mainly in that, I too have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and untreated this mental illness makes you miserable and listening to him narrate the story was making me feel miserable. However, in the end, Paris got the help he needed to begin healing and learning how to deal with his what was holding him back in life. I don’t know that the timeline and the process was realistic but I appreciate the author’s approach to making a topic that has been stigmatized more easy to talk about.

View all my reviews

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

My Thoughts on Senate Bill 5599

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 18, 2023 | Community, Education, Local Interests, Opinions, Queer Community

Senate Bill 5599 has been the center of many debates online; Many debates among Christians that believe there is only one way to live. I entered into one of these debates hoping to speak some compassion into the hearts of these fellow believers and along the way I learned a few things. I have waited a few weeks to sum up my notes and thoughts on these conversations so I could make sure that my emotions were not getting in my way. Because this bill can bring up a lot of emotions if you are letting go of common sense. Here are my thoughts on Senate Bill 5599.

SB 5599 was originally sponsored by Senators Marko Liias (primary), Claire Wilson, Manka Dhingra, Liz Lovelett, Joe Nguyen and Emily Randall. It was passed on May 9, 2023 and will take effect on July 23, 2023. In a nutshell the bill states that if a minor comes to a licensed overnight shelter or licensed organization and it is known that they are there, unknown by their parents, that the organization must contact the parents or guardians within 72 hours. However, if there are compelling reasons suggesting that that minor is being abused this rule doesn’t apply, but the organization must make sure that the minor receives proper medical, mental and legal help, which may include gender affirming care or abortion without parent or guardian consent, after proper medical, mental and legal help has begun. FYI this is a paraphrase. There is a link to the full bill below for your reference.

Previously I had read about School-Based Health Center Programs because I had heard about other Christians that were afraid of what that would mean in public schools because there was another bill that mentioned gender-affirming care. My response is always to research. My belief system tells me that since perfect love casts out fear, that God has given me a mind to learn. So I must not let my emotions get in the way. So I ask questions and read what I can so that I don’t need to be afraid. From what I have read, School-Based Health Center Programs are very much like what I experienced as a child in public school. I remember receiving eye exams, hearing tests, scoliosis checks, and my first tuberculosis vaccine at the nurse’s office. I received counseling all through grade school, middle school and high school with a program like this. Kids that need prescriptions given during the day get them from the nurse’s office, minors needing hormone treatments would fall under this category. I imagine that children that show signs of abuse would get help through this program.

The conclusion I have come to about the fear that these Christian parents are worried about is non-existent if they are not abusing their children. If they are listening to their children and letting them be individuals and not extensions of themselves. If they are willing to let go of a version of a legalistic God that doesn’t understand humanity.

What are people afraid of?

It sounds like I have heard the word indoctrinated a lot. And while there may be a few teachers that have an agenda, I don’t believe that all teachers and administrators do and parents have the right to question their children’s teachers and administrators. We live in a world where children have all kinds of families. I had two women in mother roles in my family and it wasn’t because my mother was a lesbian; my father had divorced my mother and remarried. Most of my friends had more than one mother or father when I was growing up. I had no experience with queer families until I was an adult, that I know of, but I know they have been here and children should not be ashamed to talk about their parents. As a woman married to another woman, I can assure you that my wife and I are just like any other married couple trying to grow each day into a better person while we pay our bills and take care of our cat and when we are able to afford children, we will be glad to foster and that is what our foster kids will see; just two imperfect people, trying our best, much like most other married people.

When we have kids our agenda will be to raise healthy, community-minded children that know how to take care of themselves, ask questions and make decisions.

What is a lifestyle?

Dictionary.com says that a lifestyle is the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.

The phrase “Gay Lifestyle” always bothers me, because what the definition above doesn’t specify but does imply, is the factor of choice. We choose our habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, way of living and even our economic level. We might not realize this but even by not choosing, but just doing what we know, we are making a choice. I know I didn’t choose to be queer. I prayed for years to be what I thought God wanted me to be and in the end, I already was what He created me to be.

During my conversations with people my marriage was called a perversion and I appreciate people’s right to their opinion but what if the real perversion is the division that is caused when people are being shunned from a body of believers because of who they love or how they feel about their body? I read my bible almost every day and I enjoy my time with God. In my relationship with Him, I have learned to question even Him because the moral standards written in the bible were written in a culture and time that are vastly different than what we experience now. We see this because slavery is illegal and women can own land; in fact there was no cultural standard for a loving, committed relationship between two souls, regardless of gender because women had no value when the bible was written. In the bible, marriage was more about maintaining social responsibility and child rearing and had nothing to do with love. But marriage is no longer defined by my ability to have children, so gender is just a human issue. In Jesus we are all equal, there is neither Jew or Greek, male or female (Galatians 3:28). The bible says that when Jesus returns, we will no longer have human bodies (1 Corinthians 15:52), nor will be given in marriage (Matthew 22:30). This leads me to believe that love is so much more important than gender in God’s eyes (Mark 12:30-31).

Transgender Issues…

We do not see what God sees and we do not know what God knows (Isaiah 55:8-9). If your child is confused about their gender, love them, hear them and help them. Why would you allow yourself to be afraid of such a human issue, when as a Christian we are called to live a spirit-led life? Did you know that a transgender person is not allowed to take hormone treatments until after they have completed 4 months of counseling to make sure they are making the right decision? There is a process to make sure that the person is not making a mistake. So those hormone treatments that the school nurse might be administering will never start immediately. Surgeries are never going to happen at school and not every transgender person can have or will choose to have surgeries because each person’s path is their own. It is common for children to be curious at some point in their development about their sex and most children come to the discovery that they are happy with the sex they were born with but if your child is so unhappy with their gender that they don’t want to live, I know I would be very comfortable with helping a child find peace and safety in their body and God would have grace for that. We are all God’s creation and He loves us and sees our full potential and He wants us to love and care for each other, instead of fighting and dividing ourselves from each other.

One person brought up the bathroom issue and I want to mention here that at every facility that I have been to where children are, there are separate bathrooms for children and adults. Students don’t have a lot of time in the bathroom and they are there to get their business done. At one grade school I visited, a representative nearly ran to meet me at the front door as I entered. It was obvious that it was important to this school that the kids were top priority. I don’t think bathrooms are an issue in schools.

I believe that church and state should be separate. I believe that Jesus came to save me from the law because when I am living a spirit-led life, where I am loving God with all my heart, soul and mind and my neighbor more than myself, I wont need laws to tell me to be careful with others and mindful of boundaries. When the law is more important than love we make a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross (Galatians 2:20-21). I think the fears that I keep seeing in these conversations are the false prophets (2 Thessalonians 3:6) that Jesus told us about and as believers we need to be careful not to forget why we are really here: to let go of our fears and learn to love.

There is no reason to fear SB 5599 if you are loving your children, listening to your children and doing your best to let them grow into the human God created them to be. Remember to be brave!

Bill Sponsors: WA SB5599 | 2023-2024 | Regular Session
Final Bill Report ESSB 5599 originally sponsored by Senators Liias, Wilson, C., Dhingra, Lovelett, Nguyen, and Randall
School-Based Health Center Program by Healthier Washington Collaboration Portal

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Saying Thank You

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 11, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

Nana was always a big person to remind me the importance of saying thank you. She always told me that people that didn’t send thank you cards, often stopped getting gifts because people like to be appreciated. I have noticed as I became an auntie that when my nieces and nephews were able to read and write, just like Nana to me, I would send them stamps and stationary and mention this same notion to them. As much as I love them, nieces and nephews that become adults and don’t make sure I have an address to mail something to, which would be on a thank you note, don’t tend to get gifts, because I too, like to be appreciated.

I miss Nana’s letters. I miss Nana but I know she is with Jesus. I also know she is with me. I visit her in my dreams and thoughts much more often than I could see her on earth. It was a pleasure to answer her letters and know that she would so happy to read them. I think people have forgotten how nice it feels to get happy mail. (more…)

Book Review: How To Talk With God by Joyce Meyer

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 10, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

When you are a Christian or any other religion where you have a Creator, prayer is probably the most important part of your belief system, or at least it should be. That is, at least what I think. I got this book from a box of of books from my sister and it was a great reminder. How To Talk With God by Joyce Meyer is a simple reminder of some very basic things about how to talk with your Creator. It should be basic because it really is just talking to your best friend, at least He is YOUR best friend.

When you don’t know what to do…
When you have a need…
When you feel anxious and afraid…
When someone offends you or hurts your feelings…
When you are sick…
When you are discouraged or feel like giving up…
When someone you love is suffering…
When you have a problem of any kind…
PRAY! (more…)

Book Review: Beyond Magenta Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 8, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions, Queer Community

I really enjoyed this book. I found out about it from a friend that sent me a link from Alan Rose’s blog. He had done a book review that included Beyond Magenta Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin and another book. Because of his review I bought them both and his latest book and I will eventually read all of them.

What I liked about the book was that each chapter was a different story. The stories were kept simple, probably because each person was still a minor but their stories are powerful as each teenager learns and shares their knowledge with their interviewer. (more…)

Book Review: The Florence Legacy by Lauraine Snelling

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 7, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

The Florence Legacy by Lauraine Snelling came to me in a bag of books that I have been working on for over a year as I also worked on other piles of books from my own collection and library books. I tend to be attracted to intense reads that require at least a few Google searches and lots of notes. This book was not that but it was kind of a nice reprieve from my usual.

The main character, Bree, is a widow, a single mother of two adult children, a grandmother and an author. At the beginning of the story one of her close friends from a group of friends has passed away. Their group had always talked about going to Italy and in the will of their lost friend, they are surprised to receive the money they need to go on their dream trip. (more…)

Book Review: With All Due Respect Defending America with Grit and Grace by Nikki R. Haley

by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 6, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

Being a person that does not believe in parties but people, I was grateful to one of my wife, Karen G Clemenson’s, clients that suggested that I look up Nikki R. Haley when I was voicing my dissatisfaction with our current president. With All Due Respect Defending America with Grit and Grace by Nikki R. Haley is a great book and Haley is strong woman that helped me to see both my favorite and least favorite presidents as more human, which has helped me personally as well.

Nikkie R. Haley was born to Indian-American immigrants. She was raised in Bamberg, South Carolina. Her parents were well to do in India but chose to come to the United States so that their children would have opportunities they could never have in India. Her fathers wears a turban because he is a Sikh. She was disqualified from a children’s pageant because she was neither white or black. These are just a few things that made her different as a child growing up in the Southern United States. (more…)

Nana Really Tried

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 27, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions

I keep thinking about this funny story of shopping with Nana lately that keeps me chuckling. My nana really tried with me. She was not accustomed to dealing with a child as fat as I was. When she was a child and had gained a few extra pounds my great-grandmother (Grammy) took her to the doctor and Nana was put on a diet. During her pregnancies, my grandfather was in the Army and the Army hospitals were very strict about weight gain during pregnancies. That is probably why Nana was so calorie conscious. She was naturally a very active woman. At her prime, she was 5 foot 7 inches tall; just like me. If I had been born with her metabolism I would probably have grown to be somewhere between a size 10-12 just like her, but I was born with a different metabolism. (more…)

Book Review: Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 22, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews

My sister, Jamie Holloway, has figured out how to get people to mail her books to read for her opinion and when she is done with them, I often am the recipient of bags of books to read. Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon was one of those books in a bag full of books and I am glad I read it. Although it was super long, it has 1070 pages, the font is small and the margin was super tight which made it hard to read until I got farther into the book, I really enjoyed it, once I got over the violent beginning. People are a bit more civilized now than they were in the 1700’s and I really don’t like senseless violence. (more…)

Dear Nana

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 12, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions

Grammy came and saw me a few days before Mom sent the email that told me you had had your stroke. I saw her in my reflection in the mirror. I had been thinking about her off and on. She didn’t say anything but I felt her very strongly. I knew it was profound but I didn’t know why until I read that the doctor didn’t think you would recover. I don’t remember her voice; she died when I was so little. But I feel her love and strength. I know she was the head of the family until she died and you had taken her spot. I don’t know what we will do now; I think I will have to become that head of my family. I think I have known that for a long time now.

It was Thursday May 25, 2023 when my mother emailed me. I know it was hard for her. I appreciate her communication. I know you understand why I have stayed away, because you told me that grandparents understand. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t enjoyed our visits in my dreams and the letters I have written you. I wish you were able to answer them. I have missed your letters to so much. As I was talking to God about you, I knew He was with you. Most importantly I didn’t want you to suffer and being unable to communicate or move was not the way you would want to be alive. I asked Him to heal what He was going to heal, knowing that that doesn’t always mean our bodies, and thanked Him for his grace and mercy for our family. (more…)

Book Review: You Don’t Know Us Negroes by Zora Neale Hurston

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 10, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

I was wandering mindlessly through the Longview Public Library with a friend when I found this book. I didn’t need another book to read; I have tons of books on my To Read pile but You Don’t Know Us Negroes by Zora Neale Hurston called to me. This is only the second book I have read by Zora Neale Hurston. The purpose of You Don’t Know Us Negroes and Other Essays is to share the true beauty and idiosyncrasies of Black culture. My first experience with Hurston was somewhere around 2005, while I was attending Lower Columbia College. I was extremely ignorant of Black culture, but I was drawn to a book on display for Black History Month entitled: Their Eyes Were Watching God. Because of Hurston and a few other authors I have continued to be curious about all other cultures and I read all kinds of books. I would say, that beyond the grave, Hurston must live on. (more…)

This Broken Flower

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 5, 2023 | Poetry

I don’t look it but I am the most gentle of flower
You told me I walked like a football player
I would never be loved
or get a good job
Instead of telling me I was strong, creative and reliable
you told me I was slow, stubborn and had to have things my way (more…)

Cancer Update May 2023: I Am Scared

by Summer D Clemenson | May 24, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Chronic Illness, Life

The last week or so has been a lot. I am tired and I am scared. These are the words to sum up how I feel and I hate that I have only these words to say. Last Monday, May 15, 2023 I had my final D&C. I didn’t realize it would be my last one, but now I know it is. It was the most painful. I don’t usually ask for pain meds, but I begged for some, at least 2 to get through the first day. After that I welcome pain to help me know my limits, but that first day, I felt like my lady parts were on fire and it was not something to be ignored. When I heard from the doctor again it was to inform me that I had to come into the hospital again for an MRI on Sunday May 21. There is nothing calming, sweet or non-traumatic about an MRI so I wont go into details, but my technician was really nice.

Today Karen and I met with my oncologist, online for my post-op. We were told that the hormone treatments have kept the endometrial cancer from growing or spreading but they have not done anything to get rid of the cancer. We have been working on this for over a year now. But since the treatment is keeping it at bay, my doctor is concerned about my breathing and my weight (it is allergy season and I am very congested and I have only recently begun taking Mounjaro) and my doctor is about to have a baby and going on leave from June to October, we are planning for my hysterectomy to be in October. This will give my body a chance to see if Mounjaro will help me with weight loss, get through allergy season, and my doctor will have a chance to have her baby and heal and bond with her little one.

I trust my doctor. She is a good doctor. She gave me many more details but beyond the fact that my surgery will be at Good Samaritan Hospital because they are set up for larger patients and she wants me to see a plastic surgeon about a tummy tuck if they can’t do a laparoscopic hysterectomy, I don’t remember anything else. It is weird how the word CANCER can create a vacuum in your mind, making it really hard to remember important things.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Am Sorry

by Summer D Clemenson | May 9, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions

I would like to take a moment to say I am sorry. I am sure I have offended someone this week and I will probably offend someone again before the week is through. As most people with chronic illness know the change of the season is hard and not only that, I had to get another rheumatologist, which means sometimes it is hard to get the first refill of meds done properly and I have missed my dose of methotrexate for this week. This drug helps keep inflammation down in my body. I have been taking it for about 7 years with success and this was not the week to skip a dose. After faxing from my pharmacy, a failed email from my client portal, I believe I have had success with a phone call today, so my dose for next Sunday should be ready. I have hope. I am holding onto that because that is what you do when you are chronic.<

This morning I have slept through til the afternoon and woken up swollen, sore and grumpy. I try to be conscientious of others but sometimes I just want to say what I am thinking. Sometimes it is healthy to just vent a little. I always try to make sure people know I am just venting or having a rant so they know I don’t live in a bad mood all the time and maybe this is just a moment where I am struggling a little bit. I know I share this world with lots of people and we all have our needs.

I know how to handle my pain. I am good at it. I think my biggest struggle is the pain of others that is hard. My weekly visits with my sister, Jamie Holloway, have been nice. I can’t say it isn’t hard to travel to see her every week and that it doesn’t exhaust me, but I am glad to have time with her. I am glad to help her with her foot care. I am glad to bring a meal that she doesn’t have to think about. I am glad to give her sister a little bit of a reprieve. I love to hear Karen making Vicki laugh or seeing them do a project together that Vicki couldn’t do alone. Vicki has had so much to do over the last month and a half to help Jamie during this last bout of illness. I know Jamie is not a normal sick person. She ebbs and flows. She gets tired of being sick and checks out a bit; if you don’t know this, it may seem like she is letting go, but really she is just finding more courage to keep fighting. I never realized how lucky I was that I can disassociate my pain until I realized that Jamie cannot, and being an empath, I could feel the assault not only on her body on Sunday, while her bandages were being changed, which is very, very painful to her, but also the assault to her spirit it is; It was like being punched on her insides to be near her.

For Jamie, the weather change, including high pollen counts is terrible. As much as she loves nature and flowers, the pollen makes so much mucus, she can hardly keep up. Currently, our nation has a shortage of albuterol. Jamie relies on daily nebulizer treatments to help keep her already narrow airways clear and all she has to use is saline solution. It isn’t enough. Foods make more mucus, certain foods are worse than others, but all food makes mucus in our bodies in order to keep our airways moist but Jamie’s throat is more narrow than the average person’s and she can’t keep up without her nebulizer treatments. She is constantly coughing up balls of mucus and eating even the simplest food can cause her to throw up. It is making getting nutrition very hard. All because pharmaceutical companies don’t make enough money by producing albuterol. Plus with the pain meds she takes to be able to handle bandage changes she is having other digestive issues because pain meds cause constipation.

I hate, more than anything, to see Jamie suffer! There should be laws that force pharmaceutical companies to produce all the medications we need in this country. Isn’t the United States one of the most influential and stable countries in the world? Why aren’t we taking care of all our people?

Then…it is time to start thinking about the next presidential election. I am so torn about this. I like the platform, mostly, that President Biden stands on, but he is too old. He can’t remember what is talking about much of the time and he needs to retire. He would be a great mentor for someone younger. I don’t want to hear about Bernie Sanders either. If you are old enough to be my grandfather, I will not vote for you in the next election. I am very disappointed in the options that the Democratic Party is putting forward. It looks like the only other people running for the Democrats are Marianne Williamson and Robert F Kennedy Jr. I love Williamson as an author and inspiring mentor, but I don’t see her as a president and after reading a few articles about Kennedy, I think he is not a wise choice.

As for the Republican Party, for some reason Donald Trump is still thinking he should be president again and I just can’t go there. I know many love him but out of a man’s mouth comes the thoughts in his heart…that is what the bible says and many times I have heard nothing but evil out of Trump’s heart. I can’t do it. I haven’t had a chance to read about Larry Elder…but he and Trump are both old enough to be my grandfather so there is the rule I already listed. There is a guy named Vivek Ramaswamy that is running. He is pleasant to look at and I enjoying listening to him speak but when I read articles about him, he thinks Trump is too conservative. And now I have to read more about the US Department of Education because I need to understand why so many Republicans hate it…Vivek said it would be his first duty (even though it is unconstitutional) to disband the US Department of Education if he won.

However there is a saving grace here. One of my wife, Karen G Clemenson’s, clients told me about a woman named Nikki Haley. Every time I take a moment to read about her I am impressed. Although she worked for Trump, she also stood up to him. I like that. She is an United States citizen born to Indian emigrants, raised in South Carolina. I just ordered her book. I am so ready for a woman President. I usually don’t care about gender when it comes to people but it would be so nice to have a female in the Presidential Office; I have never been impressed with Kamala Harris…

I believe in people, not parties. This is why, if you are wondering, I would look at everyone running for president. What I do know is I want something new. I am tired of the status quo. I don’t want the same old white guy who has been in politics forever to do basically the same thing the last guy did before him. I want someone with energy and gusto. Actually I was hoping Pete Buttigieg would run but he wont run if Biden is running. I love that Buttigieg is a war veteran; we haven’t had a president that was a war veteran since George H.W. Bush. I also like that even though his is a Democrat, he is a moderate one so he can hear both sides. I like that he pauses before he answers questions and he answers questions intelligently and as though he has been thinking about that question for a long time. I love that he is younger than me, married and a father. All of these traits help me get over the fact that he is a white man…I also love Stacy Abrams but she apparently is running for governor of Georgia right now. She must have important things to do for the people there. All of this helps me see Nikki Haley more clearly in my future…so far…

I don’t have anything against white people, I just like the idea of letting some diversity and perspective change.

If you are still with me…You are at trooper! Thank you for listening to my thoughts. I didn’t really have a big point to make. I just wanted to vent a little and explain the big things in my head. I hope you are blessed.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Am In A Semi-Shut-Down

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 27, 2023 | About Summer, Opinions

I am in a semi-shut-down. My therapist asked me to write down my emotions prior to a real shut down. I think they are pretty much the same. I feel alone. I feel stagnant. I feel exhausted. I feel like my choices don’t make an impact. I feel like I can’t have what I want. I feel resentful. I feel jealous, not that I want to take what other’s have but it has been seemingly impossible to get ahead so we can have our own. I feel angry that I feel jealous. I feel sad because while I don’t have the stability that I crave, there are things I don’t do that would make a difference, but if I don’t feel like I have a safe space to come home to, I can’t really put myself out there.

This has been a hard few months. My sister, Jamie Holloway, has been through a terrible bout of sickness that no one thought she would make it through. Some for a moment and some forever. I know my friend enough to know to give her a chance to rest a bit and make up her mind before I write her off. And after about a week she proved to me that she was going to fight for that ounce of life she had, but others had made choices based on her condition when she came into the hospital septic and in renal failure. For many patients this would have been the end but Jamie is nothing of the average patient. Unfortunately this left her having to prove that she was a fighter and also having to make some hard decisions. Luckily her sister was able to be here and watch the transformation and also to fight with her. I was able to cheer them both on and try to be there twice a week while Jamie was in the hospital and now 1 time a week, while she is home. She lives in Vancouver and I too am chronic, we have 1 car and my wife works 3 jobs so it has been a challenge.

Besides Jamie, I am trying to focus on the end of my therapy; I am about to graduate out. I needed to define my last need. This is it. I get overwhelmed with too many stressors. I have also begun meeting with a peer counselor, I have been taking essential oils classes, trying to get used to my wife’s work schedule which includes days, graveyard and swings, sometimes all three in a 24 hour period, while continuing to make sure the laundry is done and there is something good to eat in the fridge whenever she walks in the door, because I am not sure when that will be. I am also getting closer to my last D&C before we decide if I must have a hysterectomy and that scares the hell out of me…all while we live in a hotel.

The hotel is a wonderful option, when you are technically homeless, compared to living in your car or on the street. But it is stressful. This is a nicer hotel. It costs a lot. But it allows my companion animal and it is not infested with bed bugs and cockroaches, which I can’t say about a previous motel we lived in. Why would we live in a motel or hotel, over an apartment or house? It is not easy to get into a place without the first and last month deposit, pet deposit and a low or no credit score and no rental history. Unfortunately when you live in motel/hotels, or with friends, you don’t have a lease so you don’t acquire rental history. It takes a long time to correct bad credit and build good credit. We have been working on that. There are programs meant to help us but if you are willing to work and can’t stop everything whenever you are called by them, it makes it harder for them to help you. If you have mental of physical health issues that cause barriers that the organizations don’t want to accommodate that too is an issue. When you have an emotional support animal, even if you have the paperwork, renters will just wait until someone else comes along without an animal to rent to so they don’t have to deal with you. This is not a temporary reality to me, this is my life for that last 9 years. It is taking its toll. Sometimes my compulsive thoughts just take over. I feel crazy at home with regularity.

I don’t have a kitchen, a garden or another room to go in to. These are things that many people take for granted but that I know would bring so much value to my life. I have made do because I am a creative and strong woman. But I want to live in a peaceful place where strangers are not walking by my front door or my only window all the time. Where I can vacuum my home when I want to and choose what cleaning products are used. I want to be a foster mother and love on children that deserve to be loved. I want so much more in my life.

I know I am not alone. I have God, Karen G Clemenson and my cat (who doesn’t think he is a cat). I also have some great friends that I would like to be able to invite to my home. I want to be able to make choices about how to decorate my home because I hate the colors of the room I live in and I want to express my wife and I through design and practicality. I want to have more room to have my hobbies around. Right now my choices are survival choices but I would make more choices if the majority of my things weren’t in storage.

I have been sick lately because of the stress of the last month. I am getting better and I am trying to get some balance back. But my emotional balance feels out of reach and I feel overwhelmed. I force myself to do things because I know it is good for me to get out of here. Not just because I hate it here but because it is good to see the world and the trees and talk to someone that isn’t in my head. I was made for so much more than this hotel room. And yet I am so thankful for this hotel room because I see the remnants of people’s lives on the street. I see the tents and tarps and I know that I am blessed. When we go to the grocery store, I see other homeless people and some of them are mental health patients that don’t have a clear wellness plan and I am grateful that I have Karen to help me stay on mine. So just because I live with challenges, I know that we have come so far and I am not unaware of that.

But it doesn’t stop me from not eating or eating too much or sleeping my day away sometimes. The weight of my thoughts continue into my dreams which often include being chased or attempted murder by relatives. Sometimes my dreams are sweet and I relish those. I love the ones with children, where I can cherish them and help them to grow or help a group of people work more efficiently because I have the resources needed to do that. Xavier wakes me up when the dreams are too stressful. I appreciate that. That is one of his tasks, besides making sure I take my meds when the alarm goes off. He can be very persistent when he needs to be; he has learned from Karen how to stare at me just right and then regularly meow until I just take them.

Xavier is getting old and I wont have him forever. I am thinking my next emotional support animal will be a dog so I will have a walking partner. I need a house with a fenced yard. Small dogs make me nervous and I have only felt safe with large dogs. I have learned to love other people’s small dogs, but I want a German Shepherd blend or something similar. I believe in rescues so I am not going to seek out a pure breed. We are all mutts in our house. So we are back to the home. This is the argument that I always come back to. Most cats don’t like to go for walks and I need to walk, yet I can’t run so I need to be able to provide a space where my dog can do that because dogs need to use their muscles and run. Plus sometimes a dog can reach a hurting child better and faster than a human can and I know that a loving dog might be just what a hurting foster child needs while they adapt to new surroundings.

But even looking for rentals is a stressful thing for me. I am angered that renters are so selfish. It is so expensive to find a home. The rules and expectations are set so high. You must have 3 times the income of a rental that is already nearly $2000 per month, 2-3 years of good rental history, no evictions and you have to be able to stand on your head and hold your breath for 3 minutes. How does one do that in an area where most of the jobs are minimum wage…and that is why my wife works 3 jobs. Most rentals don’t allow for any pets, let alone one little cat that is really well cared for, and wouldn’t have it any other way. I know that some pet owners don’t care for their animals properly, but I am not that person. My cat has a high standard and if Xavier is not happy, we do not sleep, until he is. I really do get up with my cat in the middle of the night just for his need for cuddles; if I don’t he will sit at the foot of my bed and grunt until I do. If he doesn’t think something is clean enough he complains about that too. I know, like Jamie, me and my household is not the norm…I wish that other households had not ruined it for me.

I am trying to build the future I have been dreaming of for as long as I can remember. I am feeling desperate. I have prayed for this for a long time and so many times that I am feeling like I am losing hope and my faith, which I rely on for my next breath, is wavering. I don’t want more empty promises that turn out to not be true. I need a miracle. I don’t want to shut down.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Woke up Today From a Dream

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 26, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions

I woke up today from a dream. A nightmare, really…In my dream my father was trying to murder me. I know this isn’t real, but only a dream. But in the dream my father was angry because I didn’t like the way he wanted to celebrate Christmas and I wasn’t going to come. There is some truth to that. And I don’t come to family functions. Actually I have had to cut myself off from the family because I don’t like the way they treat me and when I asked for change it didn’t come, so I realized I had to make the painful choice to choose to separate myself from them.

The part of the dream that is surprising to me is that I am so used to being in danger at the hand of family members in my dreams, that although in my dream, I breathlessly defended myself, I woke up feeling very normal. I am allowing myself to mourn the expectation that I should feel safe with my relatives. I feel sad. But I also feel hopeful because I do know I am safe because I chose my safety. I didn’t ask my relatives to do anything I wasn’t willing to do. I asked them to show me respect and seek therapy, for their own peace and mental balance. It isn’t healthy to lose days or weeks after a visit with family members; that is my experience with many of my relatives. I can’t help but wonder if they didn’t just trigger my PTSD but maybe I triggered them, which is why our visits are so stressful. That thought too makes me feel sad. What if I made their lives hard, in the same way they caused all the emotional memories to take over and make what could have been a great time, be anxiety ridden and stressful?

In my dream I was being chased by my father, which according to an article I read, could symbolize that I feel out of control. There is truth to this. I have no control over what the rest of my relatives are going to do. I can only control myself. That is why I left. I asked for more care and relationship and it was not available to me. I asked for better honest communication and less manipulation and that could not be arranged. My family shows love through things and I don’t want things. Money is of higher value than relationship and that is not how I roll so I had to go. I was told that if I was the only one with the problem, then it was my problem.

In the article I read, they only gave examples of what it might mean if someone were trying to kill me with a weapon, but in my dream my father was trying to strangle me. I don’t need someone to tell me that he wanted me to stop talking. I was taught to be the secret keeper by both my parents. I am a great secret keeper, which makes me a great person to confide in, for people that need someone to talk to, but I have kept secrets that didn’t benefit me and I am not doing that anymore. I need to talk about the pain that I held in. That pain is killing me. I am telling my stories. Unfortunately, my stories are attached to other people and this is making other people angry. Abusers don’t like to be outed, especially when they may not have realized they were abusers because of their own trauma experiences that have never been healed. But you have to let the ugliness out into the light so it can be healed and that is what I am doing.

I am proud of myself though because in the dream there were other parts of the dream where I was showing how I have grown in my ability to make decisions and take my power back and I want to revel in that for a moment. Towards the end of my dream I was taking control over the parts of the dream that were my domain. No, I can’t control other people, but I can control my life. I can set myself up for success. I can speak my truth. I can help others. Maybe some day there will be enough healing to allow room for my relatives but that is in God’s hands. He has done larger miracles and He knows best. He knows and loves my relatives too. I have faith that He wants to heal us all. Maybe that is why I was at peace when I woke up. I don’t have to worry about His timing or His protection.

Dream of Trying to Kill Me: A Spiritual Interpretation of Your Dreams by Sophie 1-1-2023 for Inside My Dream

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

You Can’t Be Gay and Be a Christian: I Don’t Agree

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 22, 2023 | Community, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have spent the last week dialoguing with a local woman, that I will refer to as Susan, about homosexuality. She is a Christian woman that has different ideas than I do. I believe she is a kind woman but according to my understanding of my queer family, she is judging us and I have told her so, in a loving way. She shared a video with me of a woman that at one time was a LBGTQIA+ Activist but now is telling others that you can’t be gay and be a Christian. I appreciate the woman in the video’s experience but we all have our own experiences and I don’t agree with her.

As I told Susan: I know what God has told me. When I realized that I was queer, I had already gone through so much with God’s help; little did I know what He had in store for me. But when I had come to the realization of my sexuality, I told Him I thought He had more faith in me than I thought I could possibly be worthy of. The last 9 years have been a crash course in homophobia, white supremacy and being disabled and all that implies. Not one step was taken without God either dragging me, carrying me or showing me a new way.

Because my main spiritual gifting is empathy, I feel people’s pain and I can tell you that it has been hard to tell other’s pain from my own at times. That is what judgement does. It cause pain. It steals trust. It shuts down communication. It stops growth. It also causes the human reaction to judge back…which is rally hard to avoid. I am telling you the consequences of not listening to part of the bible that says judge not lest ye be judged and why look at the speck in your brother’s eye when there is a log in your own eye. We are here to love each other. Not make new laws and rules. That action only makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross.

There are people that deserve to be fought for that have been long hated by the church, shunned, lied about and not supported and whether you want to admit it or not, when you make someone have to shut a part of themselves away from you, to protect themselves, when you judge them, and they are queer, to a queer person, it is called homophobia.

In the video I watched, this woman said that some queer people have the agenda to make the “gay lifestyle” top of the mind and that might be true, but many people have different reasons for that. Personally I don’t watch a lot of TV. A quick response to not wanting to be manipulated through media: Read more books and encourage your children to do the same. But I think that portraying a world that is more realistic is profitable, emotionally. There are many households with two moms or two dads and that is not so weird in real life so why would it be odd in a TV show?

The problem is that when you make statements like, “You can’t be gay or lesbian and also be a Christian,” you are shutting out a lot of people from an important conversation. You are also making God a lot smaller than He really is. God affirms everything He has created. He loves ALL his creation. True, some people can “be saved” from being queer but not everyone; in fact it is quite rare, so what about the ones that have been shunned and abused for their entire life. If Jesus would leave the entire flock for one lost sheep, don’t you think that your ideas and behaviors might make it hard for those lost sheep to come home?

Here is a truth. I found faith in my backyard when I was 5-years-old. In my baby book my mother wrote that since I was 6-years-old, she could find me studying my bible, on my own. I have worn 3 1/2 bibles out in my life (my current one is almost done). I dragged my family and friends to church for the first 20 years of my life and then God told me to leave that church. He said that church could not teach me anything more. At 20 years old, I found myself at another church. I stayed there diligently for 5 more years and then my car broke down and no one ever called me to see if I needed a ride. They only called me when it was my turn to dress the communion table. I told them what I thought about that. I stayed with them off and one for 13 years but I also challenged God. As a 30 year old Christian I thought I should feel more mature. So just Him, my bible and me and He taught me things, no one had ever told me, or maybe I missed with all the lights, sounds and humanity in the churches I had been at…I am very easily stimulated.

Now I visit churches but I never stay because they are too human. The last one I was at taught things that were not in the bible. The one before the pastor was always more interested in planning his next mission trip, although his teaching was intelligent and interesting, but I could feel the fear of key people in the church because they didn’t know what would happen if a gay person was allowed in the church, the church before that was accepting but I felt like a token gay person in an affirming church…and to be honest the worship music was full of joy but the sound was an assault on my ear drums (I am so sorry).

Where are queer people supposed to congregate where they are not going to be abused, where they can learn the word, where they are not going to be treated weird and they are going to be treated with the love of Christ?

Susan thanked me for listening to her and not hating on her or blocking her. In reality I was treating her as I would want to be treated; as most people in the queer community, that I have met, want to be treated. We want to be able to be ourself without being told to be quiet or hide. We want to be heard and not put down. We just want to live our life. If that is a bad agenda, I would think that is the agenda all people have.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

What is a Lifestyle?

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 18, 2023 | About Summer, Community, Education, Opinions, Queer Community

There was an event at Father’s House Church last Saturday that I felt that I would have wanted to protest, but my body would not have been able to handle the stress. According to the flyer, very conservative Republicans from the Family Policy Institute of Washington wanted to talk about what they think is being taught in public schools about inclusion and gender and sexual identity, Critical Race Theory, their fear of health clinics in schools, parents rights, and to encourage parents to pull their children out of public schools and put them into home schools or private schools making less dollars available for public schools, so that children with less advantages, will continue to have less advantages. Meanwhile there has been a few new laws passed over night to stress more conservatives out a bit more, while protecting abused and yes, possibly, queer and transgender, children. I didn’t think my body could stand on unforgiving cement in the cold and rain but my fingers can type faster than most, and my mind is clean so I began debating with a few people on Facebook. What is a lifestyle but a choice in how we live.

Lifestyle is typical way of the life of an individual, group, or culture says Merriam-Webster.

Examples of lifestyle habits are:

Sleeping patterns
Eating tendencies
Level of physical activity
Stress management practices
Hydration habits
Achieve/Maintain a healthy weight
Be free of dependence on tobacco, illicit drugs and alcohol
Spend quality time with family and friends daily
Take time for spiritual renewal

Why is this important to my point? Because in one of my debates one person used the phrase “gay lifestyle” and I wanted to go through the roof. I didn’t. If lifestyle is a choice than we can say that people that color their hair is a lifestyle. But people born with brown hair, they were born that way. I know, I was born this way.

My therapist told me yesterday that I was probably given an unique opportunity because I was a late bloomer, bi-sexual and demi-sexual. Relationship was the most important to me so my sexuality was not important to me. I happened to fall for a guy first. He was not the one. Then I felt feelings I didn’t understand for Karen G Clemenson and for years I prayed with my Christian therapist about them and they never budged. When I asked God for a partner because I was exhausted with walking alone, there she was and I could not ignore these feelings and they were not one-sided. But because it happened to us later in life, I don’t have the scars and triggers that a lot of my queer community family have. I can actually debate with others and listen to them.

I am often taken aback by Christians that I feel are reacting to the world in fear and anger and what looks more like hate than love. I am not wired like most people, and God has told me that He didn’t make me to fit in, so I have been working on feeling comfortable in myself since I rarely feel comfortable anywhere else. But since, we as Christians are supposed to be the light of the world, I sometimes have felt like I didn’t want to admit I am one of them, not because I don’t love Jesus but because some of His followers seem to be very confused.

I don’t care for politics. They stress me out. I don’t think Jesus did either, I mean wasn’t it for that reason that he cleared the tables in the temple in anger (Mark 11:15-17)? Didn’t He die to make the high ranking Jewish leaders happy? (I do understand He did that on purpose to fulfill prophecy and I am grateful because for that reason I am able to love Him) But Jesus is about authenticity and love. He came to free us from the law because the law is not made for righteous persons but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners (2 Timothy 1:9).

I have read the new laws. I am not intimidated by them. I am thankful for public schools and for sex education classes. I know that some families do not support their children in healthy ways. I know that some families should never have children and those children need help. I also know that each transgender person’s path is unique and not like anyone else’s and being afraid of their medical procedures, especially if they don’t have them now or at all, is ridiculous. What all children need is compassion and love. Growing up is hard and children don’t need to see us fighting and hating each other. They need to see a strong and compassionate front.

I know some Christians are stuck on gender, that God only made male and female, but I think that gender is a human issue and only important when it comes to bearing children, which is not a defining reason for marriage by today’s standards. “there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28

What God did tell us to do was to be together and to be like minded: Psalm 66:16-20, Acts 1:14, Acts 2:1, Acts 2:46, Acts 4:24, Acts 5:12, Philippians 2:2, Matthew 18:20, 2 Timothy 1:5-9

These were just a few scriptures from a few of my most recent bible studies but they fit here.

I came on strong with one debate:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider that plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:1-3

I do try to live with this one on the top of my mind. I can’t say I don’t have to be reminded sometimes but we really have to be careful. When we judge other people, we are asking to be judged back and people can be harsh. When you judge me because I married my best friend and the person that I believe that God made for me, you are telling me that God made me wrong. It is like me telling you that your blue eyes should have been brown. Imagine if you had told a child, since they were small that they were wrong, because you could tell they were different, but there was nothing they could do about it. You have possibly terrorized this child for the rest of their life for being who God made them to be. If he was born that way, how could he be wrong? If God doesn’t make mistakes, how could he be wrong? Just because you don’t have words for something doesn’t mean that it is wrong, it just means you have something to learn.

Being queer isn’t a lifestyle. It is a demographic. Being mean is a lifestyle though and I would like to see it stop.

LIfestyle: Merriam-Webster Dictionary online
Lifestyle Changes for Improved Health by Delight Medical and Wellness Center
Ten Lifestyle Goals for Healthy Living by Wellsource Inc. 2003-5
Photo Credit: 12 Tips to Better Manage Your Works and Family Life by Carizon September 13, 2017

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Do Not Want More Laws

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 11, 2023 | Community, Opinions, Queer Community

I am so torn between putting this on my blog or directly on Facebook. I know people read my blog but they never respond and I really want to hear people’s opinions. I do not want more laws. I don’t think we have a large enough police force in Longview, Washington to be able to enforce the laws we have now, and as a Christian, I think that I don’t need more. I know that sounds wrong, but if I am spending as much time as I can loving my God with all my heart, soul and mind and going out of my way to love my neighbor, more than myself, I don’t need laws to tell me how to live right. I feel offended by Christians that feel the need to make more laws to tell other people how to live when Galatians 2:21 says that the law makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross for us all…Yet I also know that just a few weeks ago I made posts about needing more gun control laws.

So I was wrong. I have since then, realized that since I have never lived with guns or relied on guns, I can never understand the viewpoint of someone that had never lived without them. As some of you know, my wife, Karen G Clemenson, and I do not always agree on politics or guns but we do choose to disagree because we respect and love each other. This same behavior can be extended beyond our home and should be. Karen was raised with guns in her home and was a sharp shooter in the Army. We currently don’t have a weapon in our home, but at some point she will take up her hobby and I will then, out of responsibility, learn how to handle this weapon, maintain it and shoot it, but I am sure I will never think to use it, first. It is not how I am wired.

I would love to see mass shooting stop. But I am not sure that new laws will answer that immediately. I am saying this because change comes slowly. There are civil rights amendments on the books that have taken decades to really be seen backed up consistently by society and in some parts of the United States it is still hit and miss. Why would taking people’s guns do anything but cause more turmoil and a possible desire for rebellion?

There is an event at a local church by a very conservative group about education in public schools this coming weekend. I can tell by the flier that was shared with me that they will be talking about Critical Race Theory (CRT), I have a feeling they will be attacking trans-children, they will talk about parent’s rights, and health clinics in schools (which are not any different than what they had when I was growing up but they have reinstated them and had success in Seattle) and they will also rally for more laws. I scoured the Facebook pages of the organization that is putting on the event and the church that is hosting the event and I can’t find anything about this event but people in the Longview Rainbow group and a local Democratic lady has shared the informative flyer with me. Why hide? You would think they would want to tell everyone about their event.

I am torn about political parties. I am not against any party but I am not for any of them either. I don’t see any party doing a very good job. When it comes down to it, I am done with old white men, so anyone that is older than me and male and white wont be getting my vote. I want to see something fresh and new. I am about hope and I am not about hoping the president doesn’t die because I can’t stand the vice president either. But I do appreciate the Democratic lady that made sure I knew about the event. I don’t know if I will be able to attend. We don’t need a permit to protest but we have to keep moving, we can’t use a tent or chairs and quite honestly I am not sure my body will be able to do that if this rain and cold is going to hold…and I think it is.

Why would I protest? Because unlike many angry Christians that think that Christ has been removed out of schools and that is the reason schools don’t work, I disagree. I believe church and state should be separate but Christ and Christians never are. I was taught that Jesus was with me and it was my job to have a relationship with Him. I could talk to Him whenever I wanted and tell my friends about Him, if they wanted to hear it. The teachers can’t bring up religion but the students can and I did. I pray whenever I want and I always have. That is what Christian parents should be teaching their kids. Instead of teaching them to feel squashed, empower them.

Another reason to protest is that some parents are not good parents. Maybe you are amazing parents and you wont need to hear this and you are not the reason for the health clinic. But I did not trust my parents. My parents were not the worst parents in the world but I did not trust them. Some parents hate that their kids are transgender and they abuse them or for other reasons and these kids need help. Health clinics can really help the kids that have really bad parents or no parents. Some foster kids are in bad homes too. Some of these programs are meant for kids that have no one, not for the kids that have loving homes and parents that are not hurting them.

My biggest reason for protesting is that I am tired of the hatred and fear that is causing more pain to our society. I want people to understand that Jesus never said anything about LBGTQIA+ people. There was no cultural context for this group of people when the bible was written and what was written, if you actually do word studies, when homosexuality is mentioned in the bible, they are talking about sex addiction, rape, incest and sex trafficking and not committed relationships between loving people. But Jesus did say to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.

The part that I am stuck on is that Karen and I were debating this event. She hasn’t had time to research the event and some of the things she has heard about. She is a Republican but luckily she is a more moderate one, so we agree more than disagree many times. But the items she was bringing up are very fear-minded and they are not listed on the flyer. So even though they are not listed on the flyer, which can’t be found on the organizations Facebook or the wall of the host’s Facebook, people are talking. I spent time looking today because I wanted to find answers for not only her but for me and I couldn’t find them. If perfect love (of Christ) casts out all fear, why are we creating more laws to control humans? Why aren’t we trying to impose more compassion and love for children, even if we don’t understand what they are going through?

If Republicans are against bigger government, why are they constantly trying to make more laws to control human behavior?

K-12 Student Behavioral Health in Washington by Office of the Washington State Auditor Pat McCarthy — June 22, 2021
School-Based Health Center Program by Healthier Washington Collaboration Portal
School Health Centers by Douglas Gordon, Hon, AIA for National Clearinghouse for Educational Facilities — October 2010
What is Critical Race Theory, and Why Is It Under Attack? by Stephen Sawchuk for Education Week — May 18, 2021

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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Am The Most Like Him

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 7, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness

I will always have a pain inside of me about my father. Out of all of his children I know I am the most like him. He protected me when I was a little girl. My mother loved me but I wasn’t the baby she wanted. She wanted children that wanted to be taken care of and for the most part, that wasn’t me. I was the first born and I was so much like my father. I looked more like him, I thought like him. When my first sibling was born, they were a failure to thrive child. They needed to be cared for. They needed to be doted on. They were born mean and they needed a lot of tending to. They got away with terrible things.

I was super sensitive. I was a kind child by nature, inquisitive, with lots of questions, who wanted to be taught how to learn. For the most part this worked best with my father. He knew how to give me tools to teach myself. He wasn’t perfect. He had a terrible temper with a violent streak that my mother was afraid of, but I could read him well. And I learned quickly to obey him or not get caught and I could avoid the rage, for the most part. My mother, on the other hand had a mental illness that was unknown and they did not have reliable treatments for. She was hard to read.

I know that my father was raised with horrible abuse. My grandfather was a practicing alcoholic for most of the years my father was in the house. My grandmother was a devout Catholic so there were lots of children. My father was the 3rd child. The way I have been told, my oldest uncle was my grandmother’s favorite child, my second oldest uncle was my grandfather’s favorite child, and my father, being the third oldest child was the perfect scapegoat. Not only did his sister, born right after him have mental illness, but she was manipulative and set him up for more beatings, but the older boys abused my father too. In a family with so many children in the 50’s-70’s, with parents with little education, I am sure this situation was normal. I have watched my father closely all my life. He is different, like me. I can feel it. I know he is sensitive and creative and very intelligent. He doesn’t really look like his siblings, but he does look like relatives. He stands out in family pictures.

I had breakfast with one of my aunts yesterday. I am thankful for her. Since I have had to cut myself off from most of my family, she has been the one that has sought me out and kept in touch. She is younger than my father. Her version of life is different because, essentially, she had better, older, wiser and healthier parents than my father had. My grandparents didn’t keep abusing alcohol and each other and their children. They got better and their youngest children are very different from their oldest children.

There was a brother born after my father, named Mark. He died when he was 5 years old from brain cancer. He would have been about 4 or 5 years younger than my father. I think with the 3 sisters that came before Mark, Mark would have been important to my father. My father has told me he has no memories of his brother. He remembers him as a pudgy toddler when he went into the hospital and then an 8 lb skeleton when he was dead. Grandma, being a devout Catholic, made sure the mass was an open casket affair and she made her children say goodbye to him this way. I can see why this would have been very traumatic to a very sensitive child. But my aunt, who was a year older than Mark, had other memories. She said that when Mark was in the hospital that she and my youngest 2 uncles were sent to other family members because Grandma would work graveyard and then spend every other waking moment with Mark at the hospital. The older children had to go to school and probably fended for themselves a lot. But there were times when Mark would come home. My aunt would help my Grandma watch him because she wasn’t in school. He loved to go outside. She would pull him around in the little red wagon or put him in the swing with the sides on it and push him. He only had enough energy for about an hour of play before he wanted to go back to sleep. She had to make sure to never let him bump his head. He was often having surgeries and there were always bandages on his head. He was wobbly on his feet so if he walked she would hold onto him to make sure he didn’t fall. This little information about an uncle that I was never allowed to talk about has me feeling so many emotions.

I have great compassion for my family members. I know they may have other thoughts on this but I had to cut them off to save myself. I can’t be the scapegoat anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand them and love them and even miss them sometimes. My parents are good people but they were terrible married to each other. My mother needed help that wasn’t available to her and she was abusive to my father and to me. My father was the only one to protect me from my mother and my sibling and when he left, I was alone. He also didn’t understand the full responsibilities of being a parent which came out in a lot of painful ways.

Then he married a true narcissist. I have given a lot of thought to this and spoken to my therapist about it and she has affirmed what I knew in my spirit. My step-mother has used my father’s anger and violent streak to benefit herself. I have watched her rile him up against her own daughter and grandson. It is terrifying. She is the reason I can’t have a relationship with my father. She is broken, yes, but she has hurt so many people, and they don’t even know all of the evil things she has done.

I wish my father could see the benefit of therapy because I wish he could be set free from the terrors inside of himself. No one should have to carry what he has had to carry. He deserves peace. I wish the same for my mother too and I have told her the same.

My wife, Karen G Clemenson, asked me if I thought I should reach out to my father and tell him how I felt and I told her no. If I could reach out to him and know I was going to reach the little boy inside of him that needs support, it would be great. But most likely, I will be talking to the angry man that has been building and building the rage and it will just make things worse. She said she thought I knew him so well, and I said, “Of course. Out of all his children, I am the most like him.”

There is a rage and sadness that has been passed down through generations that is inside of me. It used to terrorize me. But I have learned to not feed it and try to focus on the things that lovely, pure and good, like the bible says. I meet people like me every now and then and I understand their inner fight. This is why compassion is so important. Some of us are born with things we didn’t earn but we have to learn to walk with.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Book Review: Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 4, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions

I wasn’t looking for Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood, I won it as a givaway on GoodReads. But I needed the vacation it took me on. I am intense person. I don’t choose easy books to read. The last few books I have read took a lot of attention and mind power to absorb. I didn’t realize it but I was very ready for an easy book and this novel was that book.

Wildblood takes place in the Jamaica in the late 1800’s. Based out of the Exotic Lands Touring Company which offers tourists adventures led by their slavery led guides that have the power to use blood, their own, or other’s, to become tools at their whim. This is important because the jungle in this book is not like any we have every heard of, filled will all kinds of hauntings and species meant to kill the people that don’t belong there.

The main character is a light-skinned black woman, who has the strongest “science” of them all who leads the party to their destination and earns her freedom in the truest sense of the word. But not without losing most of the party to unthinkable deaths that only the jungle could create.

I won this book as a Giveaway from GoodReads. You can get your own copy of Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood Amazon.

Read My Review on GoodReads:

Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Lauren Blackwood had me turning pages in this great adventure. I really enjoyed this book!

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Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.