Self-Care is Important

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 19, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today is a good day! But last night was terrible …you would think I would read ingredients on a new food…but I didn’t so I have been tired and in more pain all day. I decided today was a good day to rest from my workout because self-care is important and rest is good self care.

I did put together grocery lists for today and Christmas Eve. I also showed Karen my new favorite treat: open faced, toasted caramelized onion sandwiches…she was super impressed. I also finally got all the squares crocheted for Kaison’s blanket. Now I am done for the day.

I used to get projects done so much faster. I was lamenting this and then I realized that I also used to never exercise and I ate a lot of processed foods. Wellness takes time. Yes, arthritis in my hands, ribs and shoulders is not fun, but in reality the real reason this project is taking longer is that I am putting my health first. I rest more because my body is fighting cancer and she also has chronic pain. I cook most of our food from scratch to avoid my sensitivities and get as many nutrients in our diet…healthy veins and connective tissue are built by vegetables…bones and muscles are not the only parts of our bodies we should consider. Exercising most days means I spend an hour or more moving on purpose, which is very different from working and living.

The other day my sister, Jamie, sent this message to me:

I responded that our well-being should always be paramount. Society lies to us, in the most co-dependent way, by telling us to give until it hurts. But Jesus never said that. He told us to come to Him when we are tired and He will give us rest. He also said to give freely…but freely implies we have abundance to give from. Jesus knows we get tired and when we are tired we can’t give freely. If we are dragging around a tired heart, mind and body we are probably not going to give our best. I think Jesus invented boundaries…

I didn’t clean today and I am ok with that too. The dirt will be there tomorrow after I have rested.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Choose Positivity

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 18, 2021 | Life

Today has been a great day to choose positivity, following 2 other great days.

Thursday I did most of my workout and made a huge pot of soup with onion, carrots, celery, cabbage, corn, pumpkin, ground turkey and plant based sausage. It turned out great. There are two people that work in our building that we always share with. One is an older, single gentleman and the other is a widow who lost her cook. They were happy too!

Friday I was able to do my entire workout! Karen had brought home a bag of onions that I would not have bought but I knew it wasn’t all bad so I cut off the ugly parts and sliced them up. I added butter and pepper and let the slow cook in the crockpot for hours and we have caramelized onions for everything! We had planned to go look at Christmas lights but we both pushed our workouts a bit so instead we massaged AromaTouch into each other’s backs and did facials and eye masks.

Today I boiled a bunch of hard boiled eggs…a staple in our house…and then I took the bag of apples someone gave us and chopped them up in the crockpot, added some Wild Orange oil and cinnamon and it is becoming apple sauce at this very moment! It smells so good in here. Karen has had several days off from work so we have had to adjust spending so much time together. Today I made her soak her feet. She loved it. At one point Xavier was complaining at us. He had everything he needed…eventually I got done putting the laundry away and said: Mama when you are not here, we do our chores until we are tired and take a nap…Xavier jumped on the bed and moved to his blanket at her feet and we all took a nap.

Tonight we will probably stream a movie and tomorrow I will tackle some of the cleaning that has waited while I cooked for 3 days.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Another Great Day

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 14, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today was a great day! I needed this. The last week has been a struggle. Especially Saturday, Sunday and Monday. My body has recovered from my procedure well but as my body gets used to balancing hormones it has been hard. I had my post op appointment today and the NP I spoke with told me to pay attention to when that happens and how frequently. I may need to talk to my psychiatrist if the big swings keep happening. We may need to adjust my mood stabilizers.

I thought I had gained my weight back because I have not been able to exercise and my seatbelt is tighter but I found I lost another 5 lbs. The NP said I could still have gas used during the surgery trapped in my body and even have some swelling that is normal. I am down 25 lbs since September and down 45 lbs from my top weight. I am shocked and relieved that my body is doing so well.

When we were done at Legacy we went to Jamie’s place. It was great to see her! We had a delicious meal: roasted sweet potatoes with pesto, grits, uncured bacon and fried cage free eggs. Yum! We also watched Clifford the Big Red Dog. I have not laughed or watched Karen laugh so much in a long time. This visit was really needed…. and I highly recommend this movie!

Jamie gifted me with a new mug. She has a matching one. We will pray for each other when we use them…I was really wanting a new mug. Jamie always knows how to touch my heart!

I know God is good and faithful all the time, even when I cannot see it. This is a beautiful promise I can fall back on when I am super tired. I will need this because I found out I will have to have a D & C every 3 months until no cancer is found and then every 6 months for at least 2 times after that. The bills are starting to come in and I am so thankful for insurance but I am a little overwhelmed with the the thought of how long it will take me to pay my part, especially since I will continue to need these small surgeries. I am thankful that all my doctors take payments and I may be eligible for grants for the big stuff… I will keep reminding myself that God is good, faithful and gracious all the time.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

3 Days Post Surgery…

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 4, 2021 | Cancer, Life

It has been 3 days post surgery. I am getting around fine, but I know I can’t do what I was able to do before my surgery and that is hard on me. It is amazing how you can work hard to create a healthy habit, like working out every day and then something happens and you have to take a break…and you feel a little lost.

Wednesday was quite the day. I did my workout and took my second antibacterial shower…that soap has been long thrown away…We made it to Good Sam in Portland in good time, considering a semi truck rolled in the area along the way. That truck was pretty badly torn up. I hope the driver is ok.

Waiting…I am ok with it but sometimes I get impatient. I spent a lot of time in a waiting room and then more in the room where they get your prepped for surgery…3.5 hours to be exact. No music. No TV. Hardly room between patients. Not fun. My phone is on its last leg so I couldn’t use it, in case I had to actually make a call so I was on my own. I admired the cleaning woman that worked very hard. The whole time I was in there, she was scrubbing or mopping or moving furniture. She looked to be maybe a little older than Karen. I was impressed.

My nurses were great. I was surprised how many of them thanked me for getting my COVID-19 test before the surgery…I guess people just don’t do it and they have to have the test done prior to surgery and slow things down…That is so impractical…I didn’t even notice the IV until she had already taken 3 vials of blood. My doctor finally showed up to let me know that the woman before me took longer than expected. That helped me get over my boredom. I hope she is ok too. Everyone seemed surprised when I told them that Karen was probably in the parking garage, although Good Sam is in a great area with shops and restaurants, I knew Karen would not leave. She had even been invited over to Jamie‘s but, still I knew she would not leave…and she never did…

I was told by the anesthesiologist that he would just use the same IV they were giving my fluids through so they wouldn’t need to use a breathing tube. I liked that idea. His nurse was great too. As I was falling asleep she was asking me about what I wanted for Christmas: the bills paid and larger place to live…

I awoke in a stressful situation. The recovery room was filled with people, very close together. The ceiling was covered in rails for the many curtains and I was crying. At first I didn’t realize it was me crying, but I kept hearing people say: Who is Karen?

That part is normal for me. I have been under anesthesia before and woke up in an anxiety attack, crying for Karen…but that time COVID-19 was not a barrier and Karen was quickly summoned. I am pretty sure anyone in ear shot, knew that Karen was super important to me and that I loved her…because that is what I kept saying. I wasn’t totally aware, but I knew enough to not ask about Jamie and Xavier…they were also on my mind. Eventually my personal nurse, told me, it was his job to get me well enough to get me to Karen. He was the one that kept telling people Karen was my wife…He was a very nice man. His words helped me focus. He coached me on deep breathing, because you can’t do deep breathing and stay in an anxiety attack and that would be helpful to everyone.

When they moved me to the next recovery room, they didn’t talk to me much but I heard the nurse tell other people, they couldn’t leave until they could urinate. That became my new goal…I couldn’t get the hand rail down on my bed, and that was the only thing that kept me confined. As soon as the nurse in this department came by I was asking to use the bathroom. After I finished with that, I refused to get back on the bed and was dressed in a very impressive amount of time…Scott my first recovery nurse had given me both an injection and pills before I left him, so I was feeling no pain and with my cane in hand, I am used to overcome dizziness.

The new nurse asked if I could at least wait for her to call Karen and get my after surgery instructions. Lucky for all of them, that didn’t seem to be too much to ask for and a nurse came with a wheel chair very quickly, because I was prepared to walk out on my own the minute she handed me my discharge papers. I was dizzy and a bit dingy but I was determined to get to Karen. When Karen saw me she jumped out of the car to help me into the car, but I just wanted to hug her. I heard people in the background awing…so it must have seemed sweet to them…It just felt natural to me.

…and then we came home. Xavier was glad to see us. He was a little put out that I was too tired to brush him and give his coconut oil to him, our nightly routine, but he could tell I was sick. He had been so sweet to me for a few days. He knew something was up.

My throat hurt so bad. I didn’t understand this. The next day a nurse called to check on me and I told her that my throat was very sore and raw and I had a terrible bruise on my left shoulder; I thought maybe they had a hard time moving me, or something. She explained that if after being given the regular amount of anesthesia, if I kept moving, they would have put a breathing tube in so they could sedate me more. She also said they filled my body with gas to create more room to work and that gas often follows nerves, which is probably why I had a swollen and bruised spot on my shoulder. I had told Jamie about my throat and she was sure they had given me a breathing tube, even if that wasn’t in the original plan…with my nervous energy…the description of what probably happened, sounded reasonable.

I have been sleeping a lot. I decided to not fill the prescription of oxy. I know if I do that I will push myself too hard and maybe hurt myself. My body has been through enough I am tired of giving access to my body to others, so I need to be careful…and if you know me, limits are not something I enjoy…this is a trial too.

We had a friend that sent us some money for food. I had made a huge pot of soup, but it was such a treat to take advantage of pasta night at Mary’s Bar and Grill. Yum! I am glad I made the soup, it has been nice to just heat it up and eat. I am really not feeling a lot of hunger yet, but I have to eat with several of my pills so I know I need to eat something when it is time to take those pills.

I am hoping I feel better enough to don my compression pants and take a short walk tomorrow. I am getting antsy. Without my methotrexate, I am having more pain, but luckily I can have my tincture again, so sleeping at night is easier.

We found out I lost another 5 lbs before my surgery, so that is a positive thing and another reason to not let my good habit wain for too long. I never did see my doctor before I left. Maybe I was too impatient…or maybe she doesn’t see patients after surgery…I don’t know…but I will see her on the 14th and I am sure she will give a recap of what happened and the next steps.

I am not looking forward to seeing her again…but we did make plans to visit Jamie afterwards so we could all watch Clifford the Big Red Dog…that sounds fun.

Here is to another great day!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Pray For Each Other

by Summer D Clemenson | Dec 1, 2021 | Life

Surgery day. I never realized how much has to be done to prepare for surgery! I spent the last 2 days cleaning, doing laundry and removing jewelry. I did my workouts both days, just as I will do in a few minutes. I don’t care for the antibacterial soap I had to wash with last night and don’t look forward to today. It dries me out, but Karen makes it fun.

All clothes and bedding has been washed. I made a crockpot of cabbage and beef soup yesterday so I don’t have to worry about meals for several days. I even made sandwiches and salads.

I am ready to be lazy for a few days. I am not making light of my situation but my therapist gave me kudos for rolling with what comes next. She asked me if I anticipate anything and I told her, I have so much to do that I handle one thing at a time and rest when I am tired.

I suppose I could be stressed but that never ends well…and actually in light of my sister, Jamie’s, latest news from the doctor, I just have to focus on what I can do and be thankful. So many people have terrible things to deal with just because they do. I am choosing optimism and peace.

Please pray for each other. This world needs it.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Being Thankful

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 23, 2021 | Life

Today was a good and THANKFULL day!

After 2-3 hours of sleep I did my workout and was dressed and ready to leave at 9 am…not my normal routine but today was pre-op day. We traveled to Legacy Salmon Creek and spent about 2 hours there.

When we were done there, we popped in for lunch with Jamie Holloway. It was great to see her. I am so glad she has been prescribed mobile oxygen for her trips to doctor appointments! She looks great and I know as she heals from her surgery she will get even better. Considering they had to address both her lower and upper trachea and her stoma, her voice is strong. I am so proud of her!
We didn’t stay long because I also had an appointment to see my rheumatologist. So we headed back to PeaceHealth. I had a good visit with Dr Fitzgerald. She wants me to skip my methotrexate the week before and after my surgery. I have appreciation for her sense of humor, although I have never had a doctor tell me to: “Get ready for pain.”

We walked in the door as Xavier’s alarm to be fed went off. Xavier has IBS and is a compulsive eater so we feed him small portions every 6 hours. He was very happy to see us. He also enjoyed talking a nap with me.

I did a lot today and I hurt from head to toe; even my eyeballs hurt. But Karen brought home steak so I made that with herbed potatoes and Brussels sprouts…then I grabbed my kitchen shears and hacked up our turkey.

At this point our turkey is in 4 ziplock bags covered in a dry rub of old bay, sea salt, pepper, garlic powder and dried parsley. Tomorrow I will put the contents of 3 bags into the crockpot on a bed of onions and garlic to slow cook all day! We are doing our dinner tomorrow and I am excited! I carmelized onions yesterday that became part of tonight’s dinner and will also be used with green beans for a side. I will make a Dutch Apple pie tomorrow too. We will splurge and have some Stovetop stuffing because it is yummy and with only two of us, I am not going to make anything fancier.

On Thursday, while Karen is at work I will throw the back of the turkey in the crockpot to make broth that will become leftover soup. My favorite part of Thanksgiving leftovers!

Jamie’s caregiver is an immigrant from the Ukraine and her family eats very little meat. She didn’t seem to be excited to make turkey. She said her family doesn’t enjoy turkey, so I told her that we cannot know the entire menu at the first Thanksgiving, but Jamie is right, they probably ate fish…I told her, I thought the point of Thanksgiving was to enjoy our loved ones and focus on what we are thankful for…if turkey doesn’t make you feel thankful, you can always choose something that makes you feel thankful. She seemed to appreciate my viewpoint, no matter what you eat for your feast, I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving Day!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Doing the Work Anyway

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 20, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today has been a wonderful day. It started sad but eventually turned to glad. I had a very stressful dream that left me very sad. I couldn’t shake it. My brain wanted to dissociate, which is a normal trauma response for me, so it was hard to make different choices but I am committed to my wellness and I had to keep my appointment for my flu shot in case it knocked me down for a few days (sometimes that happens). I have several appointments on Tuesday…

My workout was emotionally hard. Not only did my body hurt but my heart and mind hurt and I had to choose to do every single rep and set of movements. When I was done I still was in pain and the sadness was trying to drag me to depression but I chose to do my devotional. I had a nice time in the word. I was reminded the God thinks of us with peace and with the purpose of giving us a future and hope. It helped a little.

I was chatting with Jamie Holloway and told her my struggle. She congratulated me on actively choosing to stay on task with movement and time with Jesus. That was nice to hear. She always says what I need to hear. I told her I was still blue but I hoped that when Karen got home she would cheer me up, like she always does. Jamie said she was glad I had Karen because she is the perfect spouse for me.

When Karen got home from work, I told her my struggle because when I am in that mood I sometimes say things wrong and I didn’t want her to take it personally. She appreciates the warning. As we headed towards our pharmacy it was so nice to listen and talk with her. She has been working so much. I think I missed her. When I see her she is usually getting ready to leave or heading to bed.

We have talked about changing pharmacies because it would be so convenient to have Karen be able to grab meds at the Safeway where she works but in reality, we love the service at the Walmart pharmacy on Ocean Beach. I am sure the Safeway pharmacy is great but we have a relationship with our pharmacy. As I waited for my flu shot the technician asked me if I was ready and I didn’t respond as positively as usual. She asked me why and I apologized and told her I was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago and I am just sick of the process. I also had needed to look at my options for health insurance and I was surprised at how many companies don’t cover my meds. I told her we would have to stay with a more expensive plan because some coverage is better than no coverage and Fluvoxamine and cancer meds are expensive. She looked genuinely concerned, asked me about my treatment plan and said she would pray for me. It felt nice to have that connection.

After my shot, we walked around for about 45 minutes. That was good cardio. We ran into an old friend and then we started towards home where we had a late lunch and took a nap. It was great! Tonight we will watch a movie or two and relax. I love spending time with Karen. I just enjoy her so much!

Thank you for your prayers for Jamie. She is doing well after her surgery and should be able to go home on Monday.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Being Human

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 11, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today was a big day with lots of emotions. I couldn’t sleep last night so on less than 4 hrs of sleep I did my workout and found myself at PeaceHealth Imaging for the first CT scan of my life. It went well and quickly.

When we were pulling out of the parking garage, my oncologist called. She was finally able to view my MRI and found that my lymph nodes are clear and the cancer in my uterus is minuscule. She has decided that we will not do the hysterectomy but a D&C and insert an IUD which along with the cancer meds I take may resolve my condition. She will use the CT Scan to verify my MRI.

I have found myself very angry at both gynecologists I have seen in the last few months because when I asked them about the chance that I may have PCOS they would not listen to me. My oncologist who specializes in gynecology keeps pushing weight loss surgery. She acts as though this procedure will give me a new lease on life, but I don’t agree and she ignores me when I try to explain myself. I do understand that my weight makes surgery more dangerous and although losing weight may help some of my conditions, which are under control, less of an issue, it won’t lessen my pain. I know this because my joints don’t bother me nearly as much as the pain in my nerves and connective tissues which is not going to change other than progress as these conditions do.

All my life, I was told that because I was fat, I would not marry or date, I would not be hired for the jobs I wanted and I would die young. Even my desire to dance was not fostered because I was too fat. It has taken me years to not hate this body. I am still dealing with emotional pain as the memories come back while my brain heals from trauma. I believe that weight loss surgery has benefited many people, but I also know it is not perfect and I don’t believe I would be successful with the procedure for several valid reasons. The fact that I have tried to advocate for myself and been ignored makes me feel like a child again.

I feel like this doctor must get kickbacks for pushing this option on people. I am sure she wants to see me succeed but I don’t want to be ignored when we are talking about my body.

I am not upset about the change. Who wants to have body parts removed? The surgery is invasive and we don’t know how my body will react to the stress. Another plus is that the IUD will balance my hormones and may be what helps me lose weight slowly and more naturally. I do workout almost every day and have been walking a lot more, I already eat mindfully and drink lots of water. I mentioned that to this doctor and she ignored me.

I have decided to not be pushed back about this. She wants to refer me to a specialist in weight loss surgery but I am not going to jump to do that. I have read quite a bit about weight loss surgery and even went to an orientation with my friend. My wife is a personal trainer and has heard many horror stories, along with success stories, but I don’t want to set myself up for failure. Since the IUD may be what I need to help my body work better, I will not consider changing my mind until we see what having the IUD will do for me.

I have been chewing on this all day and I have to say I am proud of myself. I did my workout, took 2 walks and got a nap in. Over the last two days I have worked with three patterns for a blanket for my great nephew, who should be here in February. I have ripped out my attempts so many times but I have finally found a design that inspires me. I have not crocheted in over a year but it is nice to have yarn in my hands. My new bamboo crochet hooks are wonderful too! Karen had the day off and it was nice to veg out with Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel and be able to spend time together.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Food for Thought

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 9, 2021 | Life

I am proving myself consistent at having trouble with my limits. With everything I did yesterday, I have been sluggish all day. I would love a nap but I am afraid I will have trouble sleeping tonight…Karen won’t be home for 2 hours.

Today I made a huge crockpot of soup: drippings and leftover chicken, onion, carrot and celery, chopped mushrooms, corn, bacon bits, chicken bone broth, wild rice…and then I looked in the fridge and found a couple spicy sausages that are too hot on their own, but nice in 6 quarts of soup and some frozen peas and broccoli that were about become freezer burned. Then I added boullion, garlic, pepper and Italian seasoning. It smells so good in here and after working in the rain, Karen will enjoy a nice hot meal.

I got my workout done and took a short walk…rain is not nice on arthritic joints…

I also made salads for the next two days for me. I always think of my Grandma Clemenson when I make a salad, she is the lady in the picture above with my little cousin. I didn’t get a lot of time with her, but I do remember helping her in the kitchen before a meal. She told me to make the salad and I was surprised by everything she put in a salad. On the other side of my family, salad was simple and mainly lettuce. I remember Grandma saying: Summer, nobody cares about the lettuce, they like everything else. So I usually start with a salad mix that is cabbage based (vital to a high iron diet) then I add diced onion, chopped carrots, sliced beets, sliced black olives and anything else that might be available…today I had some cucumber. The mix had bacon bits, sesame seeds and a lemon vinaigrette. Tomorrow when I eat it I will add pepper and cottage cheese and if I am needing protein, a can of albacore tuna. I got a lot out of that day with Grandma Clemenson and people like my salads much better too.

When the assistant called to schedule my surgery and related appointments she told me if my hemoglobin was under 10, I would need an iron infusion. Luckily, I got my labs back and my hemoglobin is a little over 11. That is still considered low but MUCH BETTER than 5.8. Thank You Jesus for helping my body heal quickly. My red and white blood cells are both in normal range…so I am doing well!

On another positive note, Karen’s mom has been discharged from the hospital. We still don’t have a lot of information about her condition, we are hopeful that the hospital thought she was well enough to leave. Thank you for your prayers.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Carrying it Well

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 5, 2021 | Life

Today I am tired! I slept for 12 hours straight last night and slept in so much that I had to eat to take meds before my workout. I have GERD so that is not fun but I made it through! Thank You Jesus!

Each exercise was hard. My body is tired; really tired.

I had to do laundry today because I didn’t have any clean compression hose to wear.

Jamie gave me some wool laundry balls on our last visit and I love them! I tend to have to hang sweatshirts in the bathroom to dry the rest of the way before they can go in the closet…not today and all our clothes were noticeably softer. What a gift. I highly recommend them. I hate dryer sheet, they are bad for the environment and usually have way too much perfume on them so I don’t buy them…these dryer balls are a huge money saver and are biodegradable. I have been meaning to buy them but they just never made it to the top of my priority list…Jamie scored an amazing gift for me…she is such a thoughtful friend.

Karen has walked all over Longview today since the car is at the shop. She walked to the church to work and then over to check on the car. She also walked to the gym to train someone and stopped by Safeway to see if they needed help…she came home long enough to eat something warm (thank You Jesus for inspiring me to get dinner together early in the crockpot), change her clothes and walk to Safeway to help them close. She is such a trooper…and not one complaint. I am so thankful for her.

She caught me mending her shirt before she left and asked me if she had popped a button or something…she likes to take the blame for silly things (in my mind)…so I told her, that I bought a 30 year old shirt, on purpose to replace the one I made her get rid of when I was still trying to make her dress like I wanted her to…women can be so stupid…we always think we can change our partner…I like the look of the worn shirt. It had a life before we ever saw it…the shirt had not torn, it has begun to wear out…but luckily it was along the hem and I only mended it to keep it from fraying because Karen always tucks it in so no one will see it. I told her I didn’t even have to do a good job at mending it, I just didn’t want to lose the hem. She is happy. So am I.

When I get off of here I am going to take a walk around the building so I can keep my word to myself that I would walk every day before my surgery. I hope to take a shower but I will wait for Karen to return home, in case I have asked too much of this body and need help.

I hope you are enjoying this beautiful night. God bless you.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

There is Always Tomorrow…

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 4, 2021 | Life

Today was good but it won. I did get my workout in and a very small walk in. I hurt today and even though I am tired I am not sleeping and if I do sleep, I have stressful dreams.

Talking on the phone is hard for me. Phones have been used as weapons against me in the past. In the last few years I have tried to make more of an effort to handle making doctor appointments so Karen has one thing off her shoulders. It took 5 phone calls is two days but my CT Scan is scheduled. That is a win for me.

I got my labs done today but I am pretty sure my primary didn’t get the message from my oncologist or myself because they only took one vial…so I imagine I will have to go back. Ugh…

Karen was able to get me to the clinic and back but as she tried to manage the car, while attempting a few errands the car died. Thank God I insisted we get AAA a few months ago because we had no money to pay for a tow, even with reimbursement from our insurance company. I think this was a win for God…We had an appointment for next Wednesday but now that our car is at the shop it may be repaired sooner…I hope. I am always amazed at Karen’s faith…she is so much better at stressful things than I am.

I think I am going to bed early tonight so I can rest up for trying again tomorrow…

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Another Good Day!

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 3, 2021 | Life

Today was a good day! I woke up in a lot of pain, understandably, with the amount of walking I did yesterday but once I forced myself to do my workout my body was willing to comply…Thank You Jesus!

I walked more yesterday than I have in a long time and my body bounced back with a little self-love…this tells me I can push myself harder than I have been. Obviously my red blood cells have rallied and my anemia is minor at worst…we will find out tomorrow when I have labs. In preparation I have taken two short walks today. I don’t want to stress my body out too much, she can really throw me down if she wants to and that is not my goal.

Although my oncologist doesn’t think my weight will be too much of an issue during my surgery, mainly because she believes that most of my weight is in my legs, due to lymphedema, every pound I can get off before my surgery will help me get through and recover from surgery better. She is also planning to do my surgery at Good Samaritan in Portland, where they are better prepared for any issue that might arise during the procedure, because of my size. Her main concern is how my lungs will handle the position my body has to be in for the surgery, so walking will help build them up. I wont be able to workout for an undetermined amount time after my surgery because we don’t know how Fibromyalgia and Psoriatic Arthritis will respond to the stress…obviously swelling will be an issue so getting as much water off my body beforehand will at least set my body up for more success.

It was really affirming to me to meet with a doctor that was so positive about my body. She didn’t deny that my weight is an issue but she looked at it much more positively than I am accustomed to. I have lived with a lot of emotional abuse and gaslighting related to my body and I really need to see my weight as something that is a diagnosis that I can deal with and improve with diligence and self-love, instead of an insurmountable mountain that I can never overcome.

I met with my therapist today and told her about my interaction with people from my past and she was really happy to hear how I have grown. I used to dissociate for any number of days after dealing with them and Karen would beg me to take my meds and eat and drink anything…this time I recognized my feelings, had a good cry and a nap because I was tired and then I took care of myself. I only lost 1/2 a day in the process. This is amazing for me and it was nice to get the affirmation from my therapist that I didn’t disappear, I recognized the process of mourning and used my tools.

We have updated my treatment plan because I have accepted my choice to permanently separate from my abusers, that need to keep me in a scapegoat role. Now we are going to work on my responses to adversity, which seem to be more related to relationships and large groups. She also affirmed with me that working on adversity is important for me. With my goal of being a foster parent, which is not an easy job and presents the opportunity of the children’s responses to adversity to be a trigger for me as well. She agrees that finding out my triggers with strangers is a very good idea. If I am aware of my triggers I can set my intentions, create an action plan and bounce back quicker.

I also plan to add mindfulness meditation, one time per week, with a future goal of 5 minutes per day. We both agree that this will aid in the further healing of my brain and seems to be the natural next step for me. My goal is to start this on Saturday because I have been spending a lot of time on the phone getting appointments scheduled to prepare me for surgery and my insurance company is not moving as fast as my oncologist would like so I imagine I will be busy for the rest of the workdays this week.

My goal is to do my workout and get at least 1 walk in every day, but I will do more as my body is able. I also got a great nap in…which would have been longer if Xavier had not thought 4 hours was enough…gotta love him!

Today Jesus gathered another beautiful soul with Him in heaven. I know that my niece and her family are hurting as they accept this loss but Betty was an amazing woman who knew how important it was to invest in her family and I know that these memories will comfort them as they learn to walk without her…and knowing Betty, she is cheering them all on with legions of angels!

Yes. Today was a good day. Growth and perseverance are gifts in themself. I encourage you to make self-love a top priority. You deserve it.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Getting Some Answers

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 2, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today was a success! Even though the clutch went out (we will find out if the parts that are acting up are still covered by the warranty on Wednesday) we were able to get a rental…thanks to our good friend, Jhohanna, and not miss my first visit with the oncologist.

I did not take my pill that helps me sleep last night because it makes me sleep hard and I didn’t want to sleep through my alarm. I knew the only way I could do all walking I needed to do is if I started my day with my workout…so on about 3 hours sleep I did my whole day. Lucky for me, my only appointment tomorrow is on Zoom… I may not be able to move much tomorrow…

We made it without any events and I really like my doctor. She explained things well and her goal is for me to have surgery within the first week of December. She has taken me off a lot of my supplements and I will probably have to go off methotrexate the week before surgery. I already had labs scheduled for Thursday to check my hemoglobin and kidneys but my oncologist wants to order full labs so she will talk to my primary. She wants a CAT Scan and echocardiogram too. I will probably see her two more times before surgery.

She is very positive about my diagnosis. From my test results it appears I am in stage 1, class 1. This means we caught it early and it growing very slowly. My procedure will be done laparoscopically which means it will heal faster.

On our way back we stopped at Trader Joe’s and grabbed a few things for dinner to take to Jamie’s home. I love their yogurt and carrot juice so we got some of that too.

Our visit with Jamie was wonderful! We Zoom and chat often so we are up to date but it has been so long since I could hug her neck! It was great! I brought gifts I have been collecting since I saw her last. She had some for us. It is fun to see what we have for each other…although I must say my favorite gift was watching Nicholas year into the Goofy toy I bought him! I think more toys might be found for fur-nephew…

I am now lying in bed and will probably not need help falling asleep tonight. What a great day!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

No More Flying Monkeys…Unless We are Watching The Wizard of Oz

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 31, 2021 | Cancer, Life

I have been in therapy many times throughout my life. I have been diligent for the last 6 years. I am healing from a lifetime of being a scapegoat. I have had people from my past on restriction for about 5 years and now know I must give up the idea of reconciliation. This has been a gut wrenching decision, long in the making. I have mourned for years and I imagine I will have moments of mourning for the rest of my life but I am at the point where I must focus on my life…funny that a 45-year-old woman would say this, but I was 35 before I realized I didn’t even know what I wanted.

My main goal in therapy, now that I have accepted my decision, is to keep fine tuning my response to adversity and continue to love myself and affirm my own value. The cycle of abuse ends with me.

I have wanted to be a foster parent since I was very young and these beautiful children don’t deserve to come to another dysfunctional home. In my house we do our best every day, recognize failure and start again. There will be no scapegoat or golden child, orbiting spouse or flying monkeys (unless we are watching The Wizard of Oz).

When my nephews and nieces were little and they would act out, I would ask the other children if they felt loved by this behavior and then we would express other ways to communicate and interact with each other. I intend to keep that up. There is no need to compete in a family who refuses to leave a man behind.

The last few days have been hard. With effects of cancer and inappropriate interactions with people from my past, I have been dealing with feelings of failure, hopelessness, anxiety and obsessive thoughts, but I try again every day. So far I have done my workout, had a nice brunch with My Love, have a load in the washing machine and I will probably make some adjustments to who can view my posts. I might see if my friends want to Zoom or read a book…who knows…but whatever I end up doing I plan to make sure it adds to my life. I deserve it.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

The Side Effects of Illness is Extra Expenses…

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 27, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today was a good day. I have very little energy but I was able to stay awake more today than yesterday. Maybe my body will adjust to the new meds and it wont be so bad…especially as I get used to the side effects. I already take a lot of meds but I have to say the side effects of the cancer meds are not fun…headaches, extremely painful gas pains, absolute exhaustion, constant cotton mouth…even my taste buds seem to have changed…avocados seem to taste like fish lately…and not in a good way. Jamie Holloway reminded me that I will see the oncologist in 6 days and maybe she will make some helpful changes.

My moods are balancing out but anger still creeps in and I have no one to be angry with so I feel very frustrated. No one gave me cancer (or any of my chronic conditions), it doesn’t make sense to be angry at my sick body…she didn’t mean to get sick, and cancer just happens sometimes, so it doesn’t make sense to be angry at cancer being itself. Yet I have the worry and the pain and everything else that comes with it. I don’t carry it alone though. This isn’t the first time Jamie has reminded me of something positive and you have to believe that Karen wakes up positive (after her coffee…and at least 10 am) and she stays that way until she passes out. Last night she was verbally reminding herself that her talking was keeping me from falling asleep. I also know that I have a ton of people praying for me and believing I will be healed. That helps too.

Today I had to adjust my November budget, lucky for me, Karen bought some of the things on my list so it wasn’t hard to add the things I missed on. While I was in spreadsheets I added the receipts for October that I have so far…and because I my OCD gets things interesting sometimes I looked to see what I have spent on wellness this year. Wow!

I am on disability and I do get more than single people, but I have co-pays, my insurance doesn’t cover all my prescriptions and between my tincture, vitamins and essential oils…I spend A LOT on supplements. From January through September, Karen has spent $748.68 on my meds, after insurance. My October budget is not done so I didn’t add it but we have spent about $130 the last two months and I am sure it will keep going up with this cancer diagnosis. I have spent over $400 on doctor bills and that doesn’t count the balances I am working on, but I am grateful to be caught up on my payment plans and very grateful that all my doctors are willing to bill me (I am a little scared to see the bill for my ultrasound and MRI…and I know PeaceHealth has not updated my account for the 2 visits to the specialist each costing me $50 each. Between all the supplements, Karen pays for my tincture and I don’t separate her supplements from mine (she has a few different ones and so do I) and we both use the essential oils…it is hard to say what each of us pays for this part of our wellness and I am not even including groceries. It is very expensive to be sick.

I would like to take a moment for a shameless plug for Wellness Works NW…if you would like to avoid illness or have help creating an action plan for your wellness, regardless of whether you do or don’t have chronic illness, Karen G Clemenson would love to help you. She especially enjoys working with children, more mature adults and those living with chronic illnesses and she is really good at it. She is willing to go to doctor appointments and work with specialists on a personal plan for you. She has had several people who have come back from the doctor and heard from the doctor: Whatever your trainer was doing with you, keep doing it.

Did you know that you can write off some of your cost for a personal trainer? Karen does and she can tell you how…for the entire month of November if you purchase 2 months, up front, you can have January for free…Call or text 360-442-8061 for more information.

I was told to rest today so I saved laundry for tomorrow. I think I will spend the rest of the evening resting and watching reruns of Blue Bloods. Enjoy your evening!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Invisible Illness Awareness

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 20, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Every day I wake up is a good day. Today I am exhausted.

Jamie Holloway has been posting on Wellness Works NW about Invisible Illness Awareness. I live with invisible illness and if I didn’t have my cane you might not think I was sick. But I live with at least 10 diagnoses and I am good at pretending I am fine. I have watched my reaction during Zoom meetings where I have shooting pain running through my face with hardly a flinch and a calm placement of my hand on pressure points.

I don’t require a cane always but side effects from my mood stabilizers makes me randomly dizzy. I don’t know when it will happen and I don’t want to fall so I walk with a cane to brace myself when necessary. Without my mood stabilizers, I am tormented by obsessive thoughts and am angered easily. I take my pills everyday because I hate living with myself without them but mostly because Karen doesn’t deserve my rage…ever.

I can do my workout for an hour, most days but my workout is not aerobic and it cannot be. My exercises are meant to isolate and work individual muscles and joints so I can keep moving. My muscles and bones are strong but my nerves and connective tissues are affected by fibromyalgia and psoriatic arthritis. I also have lymphedema in my left leg, which means I have a lot of pooling and swelling in my leg. Many of my exercises are meant to help my body push fluids towards my abdomen so they can be eliminated. My body is always tired but there are times I don’t have a choice but to stop. Compound movements (movement that utilizes several muscle groups…like walking) are very draining for me.

I was so thankful to be invited to walk a section of the lake by one of Karen’s clients but in reality I have had so many flares, as well as issues related to my cancer, that I cannot do it. I am still low on blood; it took my body 4 months to recover from the transfusion I needed in February and my hemoglobin was not as low in February as it was in September. When you are low on blood your organs work harder to deliver the oxygen and blood needed throughout your body. Every time I have a flare I have trouble functioning at all because my pain triggers my anxiety which makes my pain worse and sometimes causes twitching in my breast bone, where I have arthritis; eventually, if it is a long flare I tend to become depressed.

I am hoping when my cancer is eradicated I will have an easier time building my stamina again. I miss the body that used to be able to walk a section of the lake in 10 minutes and could work all day. If I push myself too hard now, I may not be able to move for a day or two. I know I may never be able to do a 12 minute mile again but I do want to complete a 5K at some point in my life…probably not in the next 12 months though…

I have lived with GERD for 20 years. I used to take all kinds of meds but now I know how unhealthy that is. I have removed many things from my diet. These same things that cause eruptive acid reflux also causes pain and swelling in my body. I enjoy my stomach not hurting so even though it makes it hard to go out or even have dinner at someone else’s house, it works for me.

I didn’t choose to live in a body that needs all the rules I live with but I have learned to love my body and usually I am good at going with the flow. I have pushed myself a lot lately, trying to feel normal and do many things I let go while I was too sick to do them. I am not surprised I am exhausted today but I have learned to do many things while seated to save my energy. I was able to make Karen’s lunch. I put away the laundry from yesterday and laid out Karen’s clothes for tomorrow (she is so spoiled). I tidied up Karen’s“corner” not a fun job but necessary. I also cleaned out the drawer in my desk. I plan to spend the rest of the time until Karen gets home resting and napping with Xavier while Blue Bloods plays in the background. Yes…today was a good day..

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

The Joys of Chronic Illness

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 15, 2021 | Life

Today has been an excellent day. After our walk last night a lot of pain set in…the joy of Fibromyalgia…we hadn’t picked up my prescriptions yet so sleep was hard. I doubled down on my tincture and that helped. I woke up in pain so I started slow. I got my workout in, going slower than usual. I got the July financials done. I started a big pot of black beans with ground turkey that will be great in a couple hours. I also got a shower in.

Karen has been in and out all day, working at the church and running errands. She is dozing in front of the TV right now. It is nice to see her stop. I had wanted to give her a pedicure today but my body is done so that will wait for tomorrow.

I will probably need to take a break from my workout tomorrow. I think I antagonized my Achilles’ tendon on my left leg…my right one just healed…Ugh…Psoriatic Arthritis effects the connective tissues in the body so I probably need to learn new limits. Chronic Illness is no fun…

I did not hear from Legacy regarding the oncologist, so I called my doctor back. She had told me to call if they didn’t reach me in a week. She has tried to contact them again. I am to call her if I don’t hear from them on Monday. I hope to hear from them soon….

I think tomorrow will be a movie day. My body needs to rest but I am feeling accomplished and hopeful!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Cancer Made Me Choose Me

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 14, 2021 | Cancer, Life

Today has been a great day! I got my workout in and gave myself a pedicure. I have had several moments with Karen and cuddled with Xavier. I can also sign off on the June financial documents…I worked on July and August a bit too…I have listened to great music…at some point I will put away the laundry that hangs to dry, take a walk with My Love and maybe even watch a movie.

It has occurred to me that my cancer diagnosis may have been the best thing to happen to me. I didn’t realize how much energy I gave everyday to mourn and pine for people that just aren’t into me. Since I made the decision to let them go, I find myself asking myself what I want to do today. I am much more focused and productive.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Cancer is Just Another Diagnosis

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 11, 2021 | Cancer, Life

I have decided that cancer is just a diagnosis, much like all the other ones I have lived through. In fact I took having arthritis much harder because it is chronic and debilitating. I am going to live through this and become stronger…and if I don’t I will go live with Jesus. Either way I am blessed.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Love Hurts…Until You Realize A Different Definition

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 10, 2021 | Life

I am not shocked that it takes a diagnosis that can kill me that my siblings would finally reach out to me after so many years. I was given siblings that require more forgiving than I have time for. When they needed me, I gave my time, money and love but it was never reciprocated. In return I have been interrupted, told to stop talking, ignored, rejected and cut out my nieces and nephew’s lives (the real reason I gave for so long).

One sibling was my best friend for years but then she was gone. Another sibling just cut me out, not even answering my messages when I wanted to see if they were ok. The only one that hasn’t reached is the most evil; they lie and manipulate situations so they are always right or they are the victim, it makes me sick to watch. I hope they leave me alone. I don’t care if they want to feel like they did the right thing to check in with me.

I am tired of waiting for my parents and siblings to show any interest in my life or having a relationship.

Love is not enough. I pray for these people and try to enjoy the good memories I have but I deserve people who respect and enjoy me. I can’t carry anyone but me and my true family. I am not going to beg for time and relationship anymore.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Have Cancer

by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 9, 2021 | Cancer, Life

I made two phone calls today. I had shared the news with my two best friends in their preferred way of communication; Messenger. I had thought it many times, cried about it too but those phone calls where I said the words brought me to hysterical tears. It doesn’t matter that the doctor said we caught it early, it is easily treatable and doesn’t usually spread quickly…I feel disconnected. I am changed. I have cancer.

I am overwhelmed with the response to my post about my cancer diagnosis. For someone who feels alone most of the time, I don’t even know what to say but: Thank you.

To be honest I am extremely touchy right now but thankful for positive comments.

I am not a person that understands contacting people on holidays only, so if you are one of those people, please just send your prayers.

Even if you think you know my history, you probably only know someone else’s perspective. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was also diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Lymphedema, GERD, Diabetes, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD…with only my wife and sister/friend to help me be strong. I have already been contacted by a sibling that hasn’t spoken to me in years. I made sure they understood I have nothing for them.

If this is too much information for you, I am sorry but I strive to live an honest and authentic life. Secrets got me here and they are not welcome anymore. It may sound like I have forgiving to do but I have forgiven and love and pray for the people in my past, I just have no appetite for drama and competition and I choose to be honest and refuse to be punished for it.

God bless you all.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Book Review: The Soul of the Indian

by Summer D Clemenson | May 29, 2021 | Book & Product Reviews, Life, Opinions

I read this book yesterday. It only has 64 pages so I drank two cups of green tea with honey, from my friend Heike, to help with my allergies and digested the words in this book.

The depth of the belief in God, or the Great Mystery, as their Higher Power, is enough to leave me speechless and a little envious. The things taken from the Native Americans and added to or adulterated by white man, are too great to fathom and I shed a few tears and asked God to forgive my ancestors. But the loss white people have, and still may cause the people who were here before anyone else for centuries, is not the greatest knowledge I gleaned from this book.

The reverence the Americans spoken of in this book, toward their Creator is mind blowing. The respect for life, ALL LIFE, before they were affected by alcohol and self centered concepts is astounding! Not just humans, animals and our earth, but everything because they believe that the spirit of God is in everything the Creator made and is alive and worthy of respect. Quiet praise is constant toward the Great Mystery.

Last night I regurgitated some of the beliefs and customs of these peaceful people over and over to Karen. We enjoyed talking about these things and even debated about government influences in the world in response to the information shared.

Today as I put together a meat loaf it occurred to me to thank God for the animals who died for our dinner tonight. Then I was thanking God and asking blessing for all the hands that had a job in growing the produce, processing the seasonings, herbs and condiments…and then the people who created the dishes I used, the tools and appliances I have and home I live in, the clothes I wear and the linens we have, the drivers, the clerks and so on.

We are such a blessed people. History cannot be undone or erased but it can be a tool to bring us to repentance and change in ourself. I have no power to change anyone but I can look honestly at myself and bring the less than perfect parts of me before God, or whatever you call your Higher Power, and make a plan to change: the way I think, speak, live and honor all that My God has let me have in order to bring Him glory.

I can only judge myself and blame myself for the behaviors I have let myself act out, but since restoration is His goal in His great love, Jesus has paid for any blame and I am grateful. I am not perfect, but I am going to keep looking inside myself for anything that does not bring Jesus glory and acknowledge His grace and His newness in me as I try to let go of bad habits that hurt His creation and make Him smaller than He actually is in my life.

If you take anything from this writing, please know that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. If you feel defensive, repent and ask your Higher Power to show you how to be better. This message is not meant to make anyone feel bad or guilty but ask you to look to Your Creator and ask how you can be better from this moment forward.

I do not believe in a fire and brimstone god or one who wants me to feel guilt and shame because that is not what Jesus taught. I believe in The Lord that is happy to have made me, live for me, die for me, return to life and show me how to live in peace and love with Him.

With all my heart: God loves you and is happy He made you, no matter who you are, what you have done or what has been done to you and He is the God of reconciliation. Be blessed!

If you want to purchase this book, I bought my copy of The Soul of the Indian by Charles Alexander (Ohiyesa) Eastman on Amazon.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.