by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 7, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
The Florence Legacy by Lauraine Snelling came to me in a bag of books that I have been working on for over a year as I also worked on other piles of books from my own collection and library books. I tend to be attracted to intense reads that require at least a few Google searches and lots of notes. This book was not that but it was kind of a nice reprieve from my usual.
The main character, Bree, is a widow, a single mother of two adult children, a grandmother and an author. At the beginning of the story one of her close friends from a group of friends has passed away. Their group had always talked about going to Italy and in the will of their lost friend, they are surprised to receive the money they need to go on their dream trip. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 6, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
Being a person that does not believe in parties but people, I was grateful to one of my wife, Karen G Clemenson’s, clients that suggested that I look up Nikki R. Haley when I was voicing my dissatisfaction with our current president. With All Due Respect Defending America with Grit and Grace by Nikki R. Haley is a great book and Haley is strong woman that helped me to see both my favorite and least favorite presidents as more human, which has helped me personally as well.
Nikkie R. Haley was born to Indian-American immigrants. She was raised in Bamberg, South Carolina. Her parents were well to do in India but chose to come to the United States so that their children would have opportunities they could never have in India. Her fathers wears a turban because he is a Sikh. She was disqualified from a children’s pageant because she was neither white or black. These are just a few things that made her different as a child growing up in the Southern United States. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 27, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I keep thinking about this funny story of shopping with Nana lately that keeps me chuckling. My nana really tried with me. She was not accustomed to dealing with a child as fat as I was. When she was a child and had gained a few extra pounds my great-grandmother (Grammy) took her to the doctor and Nana was put on a diet. During her pregnancies, my grandfather was in the Army and the Army hospitals were very strict about weight gain during pregnancies. That is probably why Nana was so calorie conscious. She was naturally a very active woman. At her prime, she was 5 foot 7 inches tall; just like me. If I had been born with her metabolism I would probably have grown to be somewhere between a size 10-12 just like her, but I was born with a different metabolism. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 12, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
Grammy came and saw me a few days before Mom sent the email that told me you had had your stroke. I saw her in my reflection in the mirror. I had been thinking about her off and on. She didn’t say anything but I felt her very strongly. I knew it was profound but I didn’t know why until I read that the doctor didn’t think you would recover. I don’t remember her voice; she died when I was so little. But I feel her love and strength. I know she was the head of the family until she died and you had taken her spot. I don’t know what we will do now; I think I will have to become that head of my family. I think I have known that for a long time now.
It was Thursday May 25, 2023 when my mother emailed me. I know it was hard for her. I appreciate her communication. I know you understand why I have stayed away, because you told me that grandparents understand. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t enjoyed our visits in my dreams and the letters I have written you. I wish you were able to answer them. I have missed your letters to so much. As I was talking to God about you, I knew He was with you. Most importantly I didn’t want you to suffer and being unable to communicate or move was not the way you would want to be alive. I asked Him to heal what He was going to heal, knowing that that doesn’t always mean our bodies, and thanked Him for his grace and mercy for our family. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 10, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
I was wandering mindlessly through the Longview Public Library with a friend when I found this book. I didn’t need another book to read; I have tons of books on my To Read pile but You Don’t Know Us Negroes by Zora Neale Hurston called to me. This is only the second book I have read by Zora Neale Hurston. The purpose of You Don’t Know Us Negroes and Other Essays is to share the true beauty and idiosyncrasies of Black culture. My first experience with Hurston was somewhere around 2005, while I was attending Lower Columbia College. I was extremely ignorant of Black culture, but I was drawn to a book on display for Black History Month entitled: Their Eyes Were Watching God. Because of Hurston and a few other authors I have continued to be curious about all other cultures and I read all kinds of books. I would say, that beyond the grave, Hurston must live on. (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | May 24, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Chronic Illness, Life
The last week or so has been a lot. I am tired and I am scared. These are the words to sum up how I feel and I hate that I have only these words to say. Last Monday, May 15, 2023 I had my final D&C. I didn’t realize it would be my last one, but now I know it is. It was the most painful. I don’t usually ask for pain meds, but I begged for some, at least 2 to get through the first day. After that I welcome pain to help me know my limits, but that first day, I felt like my lady parts were on fire and it was not something to be ignored. When I heard from the doctor again it was to inform me that I had to come into the hospital again for an MRI on Sunday May 21. There is nothing calming, sweet or non-traumatic about an MRI so I wont go into details, but my technician was really nice.
Today Karen and I met with my oncologist, online for my post-op. We were told that the hormone treatments have kept the endometrial cancer from growing or spreading but they have not done anything to get rid of the cancer. We have been working on this for over a year now. But since the treatment is keeping it at bay, my doctor is concerned about my breathing and my weight (it is allergy season and I am very congested and I have only recently begun taking Mounjaro) and my doctor is about to have a baby and going on leave from June to October, we are planning for my hysterectomy to be in October. This will give my body a chance to see if Mounjaro will help me with weight loss, get through allergy season, and my doctor will have a chance to have her baby and heal and bond with her little one.
I trust my doctor. She is a good doctor. She gave me many more details but beyond the fact that my surgery will be at Good Samaritan Hospital because they are set up for larger patients and she wants me to see a plastic surgeon about a tummy tuck if they can’t do a laparoscopic hysterectomy, I don’t remember anything else. It is weird how the word CANCER can create a vacuum in your mind, making it really hard to remember important things.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 27, 2023 | About Summer, Opinions
I am in a semi-shut-down. My therapist asked me to write down my emotions prior to a real shut down. I think they are pretty much the same. I feel alone. I feel stagnant. I feel exhausted. I feel like my choices don’t make an impact. I feel like I can’t have what I want. I feel resentful. I feel jealous, not that I want to take what other’s have but it has been seemingly impossible to get ahead so we can have our own. I feel angry that I feel jealous. I feel sad because while I don’t have the stability that I crave, there are things I don’t do that would make a difference, but if I don’t feel like I have a safe space to come home to, I can’t really put myself out there.
This has been a hard few months. My sister, Jamie Holloway, has been through a terrible bout of sickness that no one thought she would make it through. Some for a moment and some forever. I know my friend enough to know to give her a chance to rest a bit and make up her mind before I write her off. And after about a week she proved to me that she was going to fight for that ounce of life she had, but others had made choices based on her condition when she came into the hospital septic and in renal failure. For many patients this would have been the end but Jamie is nothing of the average patient. Unfortunately this left her having to prove that she was a fighter and also having to make some hard decisions. Luckily her sister was able to be here and watch the transformation and also to fight with her. I was able to cheer them both on and try to be there twice a week while Jamie was in the hospital and now 1 time a week, while she is home. She lives in Vancouver and I too am chronic, we have 1 car and my wife works 3 jobs so it has been a challenge.
Besides Jamie, I am trying to focus on the end of my therapy; I am about to graduate out. I needed to define my last need. This is it. I get overwhelmed with too many stressors. I have also begun meeting with a peer counselor, I have been taking essential oils classes, trying to get used to my wife’s work schedule which includes days, graveyard and swings, sometimes all three in a 24 hour period, while continuing to make sure the laundry is done and there is something good to eat in the fridge whenever she walks in the door, because I am not sure when that will be. I am also getting closer to my last D&C before we decide if I must have a hysterectomy and that scares the hell out of me…all while we live in a hotel.
The hotel is a wonderful option, when you are technically homeless, compared to living in your car or on the street. But it is stressful. This is a nicer hotel. It costs a lot. But it allows my companion animal and it is not infested with bed bugs and cockroaches, which I can’t say about a previous motel we lived in. Why would we live in a motel or hotel, over an apartment or house? It is not easy to get into a place without the first and last month deposit, pet deposit and a low or no credit score and no rental history. Unfortunately when you live in motel/hotels, or with friends, you don’t have a lease so you don’t acquire rental history. It takes a long time to correct bad credit and build good credit. We have been working on that. There are programs meant to help us but if you are willing to work and can’t stop everything whenever you are called by them, it makes it harder for them to help you. If you have mental of physical health issues that cause barriers that the organizations don’t want to accommodate that too is an issue. When you have an emotional support animal, even if you have the paperwork, renters will just wait until someone else comes along without an animal to rent to so they don’t have to deal with you. This is not a temporary reality to me, this is my life for that last 9 years. It is taking its toll. Sometimes my compulsive thoughts just take over. I feel crazy at home with regularity.
I don’t have a kitchen, a garden or another room to go in to. These are things that many people take for granted but that I know would bring so much value to my life. I have made do because I am a creative and strong woman. But I want to live in a peaceful place where strangers are not walking by my front door or my only window all the time. Where I can vacuum my home when I want to and choose what cleaning products are used. I want to be a foster mother and love on children that deserve to be loved. I want so much more in my life.
I know I am not alone. I have God, Karen G Clemenson and my cat (who doesn’t think he is a cat). I also have some great friends that I would like to be able to invite to my home. I want to be able to make choices about how to decorate my home because I hate the colors of the room I live in and I want to express my wife and I through design and practicality. I want to have more room to have my hobbies around. Right now my choices are survival choices but I would make more choices if the majority of my things weren’t in storage.
I have been sick lately because of the stress of the last month. I am getting better and I am trying to get some balance back. But my emotional balance feels out of reach and I feel overwhelmed. I force myself to do things because I know it is good for me to get out of here. Not just because I hate it here but because it is good to see the world and the trees and talk to someone that isn’t in my head. I was made for so much more than this hotel room. And yet I am so thankful for this hotel room because I see the remnants of people’s lives on the street. I see the tents and tarps and I know that I am blessed. When we go to the grocery store, I see other homeless people and some of them are mental health patients that don’t have a clear wellness plan and I am grateful that I have Karen to help me stay on mine. So just because I live with challenges, I know that we have come so far and I am not unaware of that.
But it doesn’t stop me from not eating or eating too much or sleeping my day away sometimes. The weight of my thoughts continue into my dreams which often include being chased or attempted murder by relatives. Sometimes my dreams are sweet and I relish those. I love the ones with children, where I can cherish them and help them to grow or help a group of people work more efficiently because I have the resources needed to do that. Xavier wakes me up when the dreams are too stressful. I appreciate that. That is one of his tasks, besides making sure I take my meds when the alarm goes off. He can be very persistent when he needs to be; he has learned from Karen how to stare at me just right and then regularly meow until I just take them.
Xavier is getting old and I wont have him forever. I am thinking my next emotional support animal will be a dog so I will have a walking partner. I need a house with a fenced yard. Small dogs make me nervous and I have only felt safe with large dogs. I have learned to love other people’s small dogs, but I want a German Shepherd blend or something similar. I believe in rescues so I am not going to seek out a pure breed. We are all mutts in our house. So we are back to the home. This is the argument that I always come back to. Most cats don’t like to go for walks and I need to walk, yet I can’t run so I need to be able to provide a space where my dog can do that because dogs need to use their muscles and run. Plus sometimes a dog can reach a hurting child better and faster than a human can and I know that a loving dog might be just what a hurting foster child needs while they adapt to new surroundings.
But even looking for rentals is a stressful thing for me. I am angered that renters are so selfish. It is so expensive to find a home. The rules and expectations are set so high. You must have 3 times the income of a rental that is already nearly $2000 per month, 2-3 years of good rental history, no evictions and you have to be able to stand on your head and hold your breath for 3 minutes. How does one do that in an area where most of the jobs are minimum wage…and that is why my wife works 3 jobs. Most rentals don’t allow for any pets, let alone one little cat that is really well cared for, and wouldn’t have it any other way. I know that some pet owners don’t care for their animals properly, but I am not that person. My cat has a high standard and if Xavier is not happy, we do not sleep, until he is. I really do get up with my cat in the middle of the night just for his need for cuddles; if I don’t he will sit at the foot of my bed and grunt until I do. If he doesn’t think something is clean enough he complains about that too. I know, like Jamie, me and my household is not the norm…I wish that other households had not ruined it for me.
I am trying to build the future I have been dreaming of for as long as I can remember. I am feeling desperate. I have prayed for this for a long time and so many times that I am feeling like I am losing hope and my faith, which I rely on for my next breath, is wavering. I don’t want more empty promises that turn out to not be true. I need a miracle. I don’t want to shut down.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 26, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions
I woke up today from a dream. A nightmare, really…In my dream my father was trying to murder me. I know this isn’t real, but only a dream. But in the dream my father was angry because I didn’t like the way he wanted to celebrate Christmas and I wasn’t going to come. There is some truth to that. And I don’t come to family functions. Actually I have had to cut myself off from the family because I don’t like the way they treat me and when I asked for change it didn’t come, so I realized I had to make the painful choice to choose to separate myself from them.
The part of the dream that is surprising to me is that I am so used to being in danger at the hand of family members in my dreams, that although in my dream, I breathlessly defended myself, I woke up feeling very normal. I am allowing myself to mourn the expectation that I should feel safe with my relatives. I feel sad. But I also feel hopeful because I do know I am safe because I chose my safety. I didn’t ask my relatives to do anything I wasn’t willing to do. I asked them to show me respect and seek therapy, for their own peace and mental balance. It isn’t healthy to lose days or weeks after a visit with family members; that is my experience with many of my relatives. I can’t help but wonder if they didn’t just trigger my PTSD but maybe I triggered them, which is why our visits are so stressful. That thought too makes me feel sad. What if I made their lives hard, in the same way they caused all the emotional memories to take over and make what could have been a great time, be anxiety ridden and stressful?
In my dream I was being chased by my father, which according to an article I read, could symbolize that I feel out of control. There is truth to this. I have no control over what the rest of my relatives are going to do. I can only control myself. That is why I left. I asked for more care and relationship and it was not available to me. I asked for better honest communication and less manipulation and that could not be arranged. My family shows love through things and I don’t want things. Money is of higher value than relationship and that is not how I roll so I had to go. I was told that if I was the only one with the problem, then it was my problem.
In the article I read, they only gave examples of what it might mean if someone were trying to kill me with a weapon, but in my dream my father was trying to strangle me. I don’t need someone to tell me that he wanted me to stop talking. I was taught to be the secret keeper by both my parents. I am a great secret keeper, which makes me a great person to confide in, for people that need someone to talk to, but I have kept secrets that didn’t benefit me and I am not doing that anymore. I need to talk about the pain that I held in. That pain is killing me. I am telling my stories. Unfortunately, my stories are attached to other people and this is making other people angry. Abusers don’t like to be outed, especially when they may not have realized they were abusers because of their own trauma experiences that have never been healed. But you have to let the ugliness out into the light so it can be healed and that is what I am doing.
I am proud of myself though because in the dream there were other parts of the dream where I was showing how I have grown in my ability to make decisions and take my power back and I want to revel in that for a moment. Towards the end of my dream I was taking control over the parts of the dream that were my domain. No, I can’t control other people, but I can control my life. I can set myself up for success. I can speak my truth. I can help others. Maybe some day there will be enough healing to allow room for my relatives but that is in God’s hands. He has done larger miracles and He knows best. He knows and loves my relatives too. I have faith that He wants to heal us all. Maybe that is why I was at peace when I woke up. I don’t have to worry about His timing or His protection.
Read More:
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 22, 2023 | Community, Life, Opinions, Prayers
I have spent the last week dialoguing with a local woman, that I will refer to as Susan, about homosexuality. She is a Christian woman that has different ideas than I do. I believe she is a kind woman but according to my understanding of my queer family, she is judging us and I have told her so, in a loving way. She shared a video with me of a woman that at one time was a LBGTQIA+ Activist but now is telling others that you can’t be gay and be a Christian. I appreciate the woman in the video’s experience but we all have our own experiences and I don’t agree with her.
As I told Susan: I know what God has told me. When I realized that I was queer, I had already gone through so much with God’s help; little did I know what He had in store for me. But when I had come to the realization of my sexuality, I told Him I thought He had more faith in me than I thought I could possibly be worthy of. The last 9 years have been a crash course in homophobia, white supremacy and being disabled and all that implies. Not one step was taken without God either dragging me, carrying me or showing me a new way.
Because my main spiritual gifting is empathy, I feel people’s pain and I can tell you that it has been hard to tell other’s pain from my own at times. That is what judgement does. It cause pain. It steals trust. It shuts down communication. It stops growth. It also causes the human reaction to judge back…which is rally hard to avoid. I am telling you the consequences of not listening to part of the bible that says judge not lest ye be judged and why look at the speck in your brother’s eye when there is a log in your own eye. We are here to love each other. Not make new laws and rules. That action only makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross.
There are people that deserve to be fought for that have been long hated by the church, shunned, lied about and not supported and whether you want to admit it or not, when you make someone have to shut a part of themselves away from you, to protect themselves, when you judge them, and they are queer, to a queer person, it is called homophobia.
In the video I watched, this woman said that some queer people have the agenda to make the “gay lifestyle” top of the mind and that might be true, but many people have different reasons for that. Personally I don’t watch a lot of TV. A quick response to not wanting to be manipulated through media: Read more books and encourage your children to do the same. But I think that portraying a world that is more realistic is profitable, emotionally. There are many households with two moms or two dads and that is not so weird in real life so why would it be odd in a TV show?
The problem is that when you make statements like, “You can’t be gay or lesbian and also be a Christian,” you are shutting out a lot of people from an important conversation. You are also making God a lot smaller than He really is. God affirms everything He has created. He loves ALL his creation. True, some people can “be saved” from being queer but not everyone; in fact it is quite rare, so what about the ones that have been shunned and abused for their entire life. If Jesus would leave the entire flock for one lost sheep, don’t you think that your ideas and behaviors might make it hard for those lost sheep to come home?
Here is a truth. I found faith in my backyard when I was 5-years-old. In my baby book my mother wrote that since I was 6-years-old, she could find me studying my bible, on my own. I have worn 3 1/2 bibles out in my life (my current one is almost done). I dragged my family and friends to church for the first 20 years of my life and then God told me to leave that church. He said that church could not teach me anything more. At 20 years old, I found myself at another church. I stayed there diligently for 5 more years and then my car broke down and no one ever called me to see if I needed a ride. They only called me when it was my turn to dress the communion table. I told them what I thought about that. I stayed with them off and one for 13 years but I also challenged God. As a 30 year old Christian I thought I should feel more mature. So just Him, my bible and me and He taught me things, no one had ever told me, or maybe I missed with all the lights, sounds and humanity in the churches I had been at…I am very easily stimulated.
Now I visit churches but I never stay because they are too human. The last one I was at taught things that were not in the bible. The one before the pastor was always more interested in planning his next mission trip, although his teaching was intelligent and interesting, but I could feel the fear of key people in the church because they didn’t know what would happen if a gay person was allowed in the church, the church before that was accepting but I felt like a token gay person in an affirming church…and to be honest the worship music was full of joy but the sound was an assault on my ear drums (I am so sorry).
Where are queer people supposed to congregate where they are not going to be abused, where they can learn the word, where they are not going to be treated weird and they are going to be treated with the love of Christ?
Susan thanked me for listening to her and not hating on her or blocking her. In reality I was treating her as I would want to be treated; as most people in the queer community, that I have met, want to be treated. We want to be able to be ourself without being told to be quiet or hide. We want to be heard and not put down. We just want to live our life. If that is a bad agenda, I would think that is the agenda all people have.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 7, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness
I will always have a pain inside of me about my father. Out of all of his children I know I am the most like him. He protected me when I was a little girl. My mother loved me but I wasn’t the baby she wanted. She wanted children that wanted to be taken care of and for the most part, that wasn’t me. I was the first born and I was so much like my father. I looked more like him, I thought like him. When my first sibling was born, they were a failure to thrive child. They needed to be cared for. They needed to be doted on. They were born mean and they needed a lot of tending to. They got away with terrible things.
I was super sensitive. I was a kind child by nature, inquisitive, with lots of questions, who wanted to be taught how to learn. For the most part this worked best with my father. He knew how to give me tools to teach myself. He wasn’t perfect. He had a terrible temper with a violent streak that my mother was afraid of, but I could read him well. And I learned quickly to obey him or not get caught and I could avoid the rage, for the most part. My mother, on the other hand had a mental illness that was unknown and they did not have reliable treatments for. She was hard to read.
I know that my father was raised with horrible abuse. My grandfather was a practicing alcoholic for most of the years my father was in the house. My grandmother was a devout Catholic so there were lots of children. My father was the 3rd child. The way I have been told, my oldest uncle was my grandmother’s favorite child, my second oldest uncle was my grandfather’s favorite child, and my father, being the third oldest child was the perfect scapegoat. Not only did his sister, born right after him have mental illness, but she was manipulative and set him up for more beatings, but the older boys abused my father too. In a family with so many children in the 50’s-70’s, with parents with little education, I am sure this situation was normal. I have watched my father closely all my life. He is different, like me. I can feel it. I know he is sensitive and creative and very intelligent. He doesn’t really look like his siblings, but he does look like relatives. He stands out in family pictures.
I had breakfast with one of my aunts yesterday. I am thankful for her. Since I have had to cut myself off from most of my family, she has been the one that has sought me out and kept in touch. She is younger than my father. Her version of life is different because, essentially, she had better, older, wiser and healthier parents than my father had. My grandparents didn’t keep abusing alcohol and each other and their children. They got better and their youngest children are very different from their oldest children.
There was a brother born after my father, named Mark. He died when he was 5 years old from brain cancer. He would have been about 4 or 5 years younger than my father. I think with the 3 sisters that came before Mark, Mark would have been important to my father. My father has told me he has no memories of his brother. He remembers him as a pudgy toddler when he went into the hospital and then an 8 lb skeleton when he was dead. Grandma, being a devout Catholic, made sure the mass was an open casket affair and she made her children say goodbye to him this way. I can see why this would have been very traumatic to a very sensitive child. But my aunt, who was a year older than Mark, had other memories. She said that when Mark was in the hospital that she and my youngest 2 uncles were sent to other family members because Grandma would work graveyard and then spend every other waking moment with Mark at the hospital. The older children had to go to school and probably fended for themselves a lot. But there were times when Mark would come home. My aunt would help my Grandma watch him because she wasn’t in school. He loved to go outside. She would pull him around in the little red wagon or put him in the swing with the sides on it and push him. He only had enough energy for about an hour of play before he wanted to go back to sleep. She had to make sure to never let him bump his head. He was often having surgeries and there were always bandages on his head. He was wobbly on his feet so if he walked she would hold onto him to make sure he didn’t fall. This little information about an uncle that I was never allowed to talk about has me feeling so many emotions.
I have great compassion for my family members. I know they may have other thoughts on this but I had to cut them off to save myself. I can’t be the scapegoat anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand them and love them and even miss them sometimes. My parents are good people but they were terrible married to each other. My mother needed help that wasn’t available to her and she was abusive to my father and to me. My father was the only one to protect me from my mother and my sibling and when he left, I was alone. He also didn’t understand the full responsibilities of being a parent which came out in a lot of painful ways.
Then he married a true narcissist. I have given a lot of thought to this and spoken to my therapist about it and she has affirmed what I knew in my spirit. My step-mother has used my father’s anger and violent streak to benefit herself. I have watched her rile him up against her own daughter and grandson. It is terrifying. She is the reason I can’t have a relationship with my father. She is broken, yes, but she has hurt so many people, and they don’t even know all of the evil things she has done.
I wish my father could see the benefit of therapy because I wish he could be set free from the terrors inside of himself. No one should have to carry what he has had to carry. He deserves peace. I wish the same for my mother too and I have told her the same.
My wife, Karen G Clemenson, asked me if I thought I should reach out to my father and tell him how I felt and I told her no. If I could reach out to him and know I was going to reach the little boy inside of him that needs support, it would be great. But most likely, I will be talking to the angry man that has been building and building the rage and it will just make things worse. She said she thought I knew him so well, and I said, “Of course. Out of all his children, I am the most like him.”
There is a rage and sadness that has been passed down through generations that is inside of me. It used to terrorize me. But I have learned to not feed it and try to focus on the things that lovely, pure and good, like the bible says. I meet people like me every now and then and I understand their inner fight. This is why compassion is so important. Some of us are born with things we didn’t earn but we have to learn to walk with.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 4, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions
I wasn’t looking for Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood, I won it as a givaway on GoodReads. But I needed the vacation it took me on. I am intense person. I don’t choose easy books to read. The last few books I have read took a lot of attention and mind power to absorb. I didn’t realize it but I was very ready for an easy book and this novel was that book.
Wildblood takes place in the Jamaica in the late 1800’s. Based out of the Exotic Lands Touring Company which offers tourists adventures led by their slavery led guides that have the power to use blood, their own, or other’s, to become tools at their whim. This is important because the jungle in this book is not like any we have every heard of, filled will all kinds of hauntings and species meant to kill the people that don’t belong there.
The main character is a light-skinned black woman, who has the strongest “science” of them all who leads the party to their destination and earns her freedom in the truest sense of the word. But not without losing most of the party to unthinkable deaths that only the jungle could create.
I won this book as a Giveaway from GoodReads. You can get your own copy of Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood Amazon.
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Read My Review on GoodReads:
Wildblood by Lauren Blackwood
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Lauren Blackwood had me turning pages in this great adventure. I really enjoyed this book!
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 29, 2023 | About Summer, Book & Product Reviews, Education, Opinions, Queer Community
Bible Gender Sexuality Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson is the first book I have read on the topic of what the bible says about being queer. I have read the bible and I have spoken to God but I want to read what more learned people have written on the topic. This topic is personal to me because when I was 20 years old I knew that I had a fight inside of me, although I didn’t know the words. Being a late-bloomer, it didn’t bother me, until I found myself attracted to a few ladies I knew. It wasn’t overwhelming, but I didn’t have overwhelming feelings about men either. At the time, I didn’t know the word demi-sexual or even bi-sexual, which explains why I wasn’t rude about my attractions, like my friends were. I always thought their comments about body parts was belittling to the whole person, therefore, disrespectful. I now know that they were probably what is considered, “normal” and I was different because although I might find a person attractive, I am not sexually attracted to them until I have a deep emotional and intellectual bond with them.
I was raised in a conservative Baptist church and I found the scripture that said homosexuality was an abomination. I had other things to do and no real relationships so I stayed busy. I met Karen G Clemenson 10 years before we became engaged. For some of that time I was seeing a Christian therapist and I admitted some fears I had about feelings I was having about her and sometimes feelings I was feeling from Karen. I prayed a lot. Karen was a wonderful friend. I didn’t want to mess that up. In 2014, when I got sick enough that I couldn’t fake it or hide it, she was by my side and never left. She was never overwhelmed. She was my rock. She was my nurse. She encouraged me to find strength when I didn’t know I could. Somewhere in there; in all that bloody humanity we realized that we had a love that was beyond friendship. We were married 11 days later. It will be 9 years ago on May 9th. After a year of marriage and seeing a different therapist I was able to admit that I was bisexual. Before then I had told people I wasn’t gay, I just married my best friend — talk about denial. I am not in denial anymore because the light of Christ is an amazing thing and this book is just one of many that can help shine light on a dark spot.
As many people engage in polarizing debates we must not only focus on what the scripture says but what it means. Throughout history we have come to understand that we must change our discernment of the bible. During most of the bible times slavery was prevalent, yet we now know slavery is wrong. Brownson wants to help the reader understand key points in the bible and history to re-open discussion about same-sex intimate relationships.
Gender Complimentary Argument
Arguments that same-sex intimate relationships violate God’s divinely intended gender complementarity, but this implies that male and female are incomplete on their own and that is not true. The one-flesh union spoken of in Genesis is not a physical one but a kinship one. Adam and Eve were celebrated for their similarities more than their differences so Genesis does not teach a normative form of gender complimentary. The overall context and language of scripture suggests that the one-flesh bond mentioned in Genesis 2:24 is a lifelong kinship bond which is described through prophetic tradition in the Old Testament when we see Gods’ faithfulness to Israel as a marriage bond which is lifelong and emphasizing grace. This same emphasis is also seen in the New Testament.
The reason against promiscuity is that people are not to say with their bodies what they can’t or will not say with their whole lives. In scripture it is clear that one-flesh bond only takes place between and man and a woman but there is nothing in the bible that excludes committed same-sex unions when the other characteristics of the kinship bonds are met. One flesh does not only refer to sexual relations but the relationship, love, social, community ties and responsibilities the relationship creates and supports.
“To think of sexual relations as a language brings with it another important corollary. Sex can bring with it an incredibly wide range of meanings…Thus Christian faithfulness has only begun when it recognizes that full sexual intimacy belongs in one-flesh kinship unions. The following steps are equally, if not more important: learning the bodily language for giving and receiving love and using that language to create a space of beauty and love where both partners become more fully the person God intends them to be.” Chapter 5
The bible does not teach normative understanding of gender complimentary.
“Perhaps what heterosexuals are experiencing in marriage is not essentially a complimentary of gender understood biologically, but simply a form of otherness that usually takes shape along gender lines, even if those gendered lines may shift significantly from one context to the next.” Chapter 12
Cultural Norms
The bible was written in an honor-shame culture where public esteem was highly valued and male/female roles were clearly and sharply defined. Western culture is not like this. The need to honor each other is universal but the concept of shame varies among different cultures. The modern world doesn’t understand gender roles as they did in the ancient world. Men are not offended by female bosses. Women are not naturally passive, subservient and subject to passions. Cultural expectations in the old world have no way of viewing the notion of sexual orientation.
There is a lot of patriarchal beliefs or contrasting egalitarian beliefs shown through the bible, however the New Testament illustrates we leave that behind in the New Life we share in Christ. The hierarchy of gender cannot be used today as a form of gender complimentary, which is allegedly violated by same-sex intimate relationships. Many people can argue that what the bible says about same-sex eroticism that ancient world does not apply to the committed queer relationships of today. We need a cross-cultural sexual ethic that includes justice and love that may have relevance for queer relationships.
What is normal in the bible may not have been able to be envisioned by the writers of the bible due to cultural norms. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider them.
Procreation & Sex
Marriage does not require the ability to procreate to be valid and the inability to bear children is not a reason for divorce. Reliable contraception has changed how we think about relationship between sex and procreation — increasing the importance of bonding through sex and in some cases replacing the procreative meaning of sex.
The Old Testament does not call for celibacy as a lifelong calling for all people, although it is appropriate for short-term avoidance of sex for holiness purposes. Some people are called to a life of celibacy but not all. If not all are called to a life of celibacy than isn’t it better to allow queer people to marry so they do not fall into promiscuity from their unfulfilled passions?
Promiscuity is rejected because it cannot cultivate a lifelong relationship and spread disease.
Other Benefits of Marriage
In ancient days marriage was important to maintain the responsibility and duties to sustain a household. Now society benefits many ways when people live together in long-term committed unions — taxes, better health are just a few.
Society has interest in supporting marriages in order to provide for care of children but this is not the only reason and this lack of procreative capacity cannot deny legitimacy to queer couples in a stable marriage.
What Paul Says
When Paul talks about sexual behaviors that are unacceptable in Romans 1:24-27 he is talking about excessive, self-centered desire and not normal sexual relationships. He also might be referring to the Roman Emperor Gaius Galigula whose idolatry and sexual excesses earned him a gruesome death.
Paul doesn’t see sexual desire as a sin but if it gets out of control it can become lust and lead to sin.
The core form of moral logic that characterizes sexual misconduct as “impure” is the internal attitudes and disposition — lust and lack of restraint. In committed same-sex marriages, where there is discipline, can we still call this union impure?
The Church Today
The church has welcomed queer folks but abhorred their way of handling their emotions with shame. The church may wrestle with Paul’s words about queer relationships but the real issue is promiscuity and lack of self-control which are not part of committed marriages.
The church should stand against relationships marked by dominance, lack of consent, lack of mutuality, including and especially relationships between adults and minors. The bible verses that speak regarding homosexual or same-sex relations are relating to extreme situations: rape, incest, human trafficking, prostitution, sex with angels, overindulgence, idolatry; of course we, as Christians, should be against this lack of self-control and humiliation of others. This is not the type of behavior celebrated in most loving and supportive marriages whether they are same-sex or heterosexual.
Psychologists recognize a persistent, non pathological pattern of same-sex orientation as a “natural” phenomenon in some people. This phenomenon results from a complex interaction between genetics, hormonal influences and social context and it is causing us to question the “nature” of individuals.
“In a broken world, where life does not follow the perfect “nature” plan, God’s redemptive purpose can embrace eunuchs and barren women — as well as gay and lesbian people — and draw them into a wider and deeper divine purpose moving toward the new creation in Christ.” Chapter 11
Because we are all one in Christ.
I already know God made me for a time such as this. I know He loves me and He knows that my wife and I love Him and each other. He has not condemned us. It was good to read something from someone that knows more than me, but I already knew I was blessed because when I asked God, once I was able to say, “I am queer,” if I should divorce my wife, He said no.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for all are one in Christ.” Galatians 3: 28
I got this book from my own collection. You can get your own copy of Bible Gender Sexuality Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson on Amazon.
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Read My Review on GoodReads:
Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James V. Brownson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I felt that Brownson gave a real effort to explain the cultural differences between the time when the bible was written and the way we live now and how we have already made many changes according to how we have adapted to change: like how we view women in leadership and slavery. I appreciate how he studied the scriptures and related articles of the time to look for connections between gender-complimentary as a requirement. He answered the question of procreation as the reason to outlaw same-sex unions, because it is not a requirement for heterosexual unions. He answered the medical proof that many queer people have not chosen their orientation and instead of requiring them to live a frustrated life where they may end up failing away to sin, that honoring loving, stable, lifelong relationships would answer the need for the lifelong love language between married partners that might lead them to another form of the new creation in Christ. It is a good start for some.
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 24, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers
Sometimes when we have a strong response to something it is because memories are bigger than the thing we are responding to. The other day I made a post on Facebook because I have seen so many memes and posts with the middle finger and it made me angry. It wasn’t my original post but it was the most important part. It said the important part for who I am now: I do swear but even my wife says it sounds weird coming out of my mouth. I have heard that often in my life. I do like fancy words better. My Nana always said there were so many beautiful adverbs to use instead of vulgarities. I agree with her. My one peeve that I can’t get over and it is getting worse is the middle finger. I think it is the trashiest thing one can ever do. Talk about low class not only to the person being flipped off but by the person doing it. It’s like you have decided to use one perfectly good finger to shut off all communication.
Since the day or two since I posted it, I seem to be fighting in my head again with real memories and feelings that have to do with the person I hate the most; the person that seeing “the bird” reminds me of. These are big statements. One, I have allowed myself to blame Anna for some of my behavior but as I am taking responsibility for my wellness, I realize that Anna is me. She is sometimes younger than me, but she is still me and I am responsible for her. Another thing that was hard for me to face this morning was that I have hate inside myself. I didn’t think I did. But after really paying attention to my memories, my responses to these memories and what I really want from my analysis of these memories, I do, in fact, have hatred inside myself. I know that forgiveness is a process and even though I have chosen to forgive many times, there are specific things I have tried to set down, I have failed.
A part of me wants to write a raving article about the terrible things this person did to me and my family. How their self-centered actions, time and time again hurt me, terrorized me, and made it impossible for me to ever trust them; even when I really tried hard to honor their role through marriage to my father. She stole things from me that cannot be replaced. She instilled things in my family that can not be forgotten. Her “helpfulness” was usually a way to get what she needed. But she knew how to pet my father, who deserved to be petted.
If I allow myself, this blog will go forever with accusations. I don’t want to live like that. I have to remember that. I have worked really hard to learn how to choose peace. It is no surprise that this lifelong problem has been lying in wait for me when I thought I had figured most things out. That is when foundational issues usually come out. I feel depressed because I have found myself guilty of holding hatred and unforgiveness for most of my life inside of me. I am talking to God. There is fear of letting this go. I don’t know life without this hatred. I am grateful that He has brought me to a place where I can finally take stock. I am grateful that we have walked through similar walks before and I know that when I am ready to let go, He will told me together. I am even grateful that He loves my step-mother and wants her wellness too because I don’t have to like her, I just have to forgive her.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 22, 2023 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers
I was triggered today. Even though I may be ready to graduate from therapy, doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments when my PTSD isn’t still in the room with me; when I suddenly feel the dread, fear and victimization that I felt growing up. I still have to deal with the child inside of me that didn’t get what she needed. I was on Facebook, randomly scrolling, as on does when I saw a meme that said: “People with siblings have better survival skills because they’ve had experience in physical combat, psychological warfare, and sensing suspicion activity.”
I suddenly remembered why I quit playing with dolls; because one sibling always pulled their heads off. I was saved by Cabbage Patch Kids because you couldn’t pull their heads off…but then again, I remembered watching TV and suddenly have piercing pain in my head as the nose of that sibling’s bald headed Kyle Blakey came down on my head. Or the sadness I felt when my Margaret Elizabeth and Weston Carlton got makeovers with the blue ball point pen that never washed off by an artist of the same name as my sibling. There were more dangerous things they did; more deadly. I never had peace. My parents didn’t physically abuse me but they also never did anything to protect me from the sadistic behavior of this sibling who thought it was ok to chase me through the house with a steak knife more than once. I was bigger. They didn’t believe me. They probably didn’t know what to do.
The list of hurts kept going and I tried to make it stop. Instead I decided to focus on a bible study. That usually helps me focus on today. That sibling is not in my life.
But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever. 9 I will praise You forever, because You have done it; and in the presence of Your saints I will wait on Your name, for it is good.
Psalm 52:8-9
God’s mercy is enough for me and He has proven His goodness. His mercy is also enough for my sibling. He knows what we both struggle with. Mentally healthy people don’t abuse each other. Mentally healthy people want light and life for each other.
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the church of the saints.
1 Corinthians 14:33
Even though I had a lot of confusion growing up, that is not what God did. He has created peace for me that is what I am looking for and that is what I choose. I have the right to choose this. I also pray this for my sibling.
“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘let me remove the speck from your eye;’ and look a plank is in your own eye?”
Matthew 7:4
I am not without sin and never have been. I am not tied to it but as a child I didn’t know that. Even if my only sins against my sibling were in response to their bad behavior, I am sure there were some, in fact, I know there were some and I am sorry.
I don’t know if we will ever have the ability to trust each other. I know we don’t know each other. As I responded to the harsh realities of losses growing up, I shut down parts of myself. I never felt safe to be myself at home. Maybe my siblings felt the same way. Maybe even my parents felt the same way. I know this meme was supposed to be a joke, but it was a reminder that physical combat, psychological warfare and sensing suspicion was part of my life, every day, growing up and I have the scars to prove it.
Now as I have learned to make decisions, I am choosing to have a life of light and peace.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 21, 2023 | Community, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Queer Community
The gift that Jesus gave us by His death, burial and resurrection is not understood nearly as big until you have read the Old Testament. There are books filled with so many laws that it is exhausting to think about how you could do much of anything else but focus on these laws all day and try to follow them. No wonder we needed Jesus. I am convinced that this is the reason that God did it this way, to prove that we needed a Savior because there was no way to keep all those rules. Human nature makes it impossible. In fact laws being as they are, cause us to need more of them and they become more important than the people they are designed to protect so then it is no longer about protecting people but about rules. Which is where Jesus had trouble with the Pharisees (Mark 7:6-7). But when we make laws to control people we are mocking Jesus on the cross.
There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all.
1 Corinthians 12: 4-7
I have read this part of scripture so many times, usually focusing on the specific types of spiritual gifts because that is very human of me to want to have the power to heal or prophecy, teach or lead, work miracles, discern or speak in tongues or translate but today, it seems very apparent to me the this scripture is not about the gift but the Giver that is in me. My Creator did not equip me with gifts so that I could bless myself but God’s agenda — to love my neighbor — all my neighbors. (Matthew 5:43-44)
I call my Creator God, because that is how I know Him, but even calling Him, Him is a taught comfort. God calls Himself Father, probably because Hew knew how many of us would need a loving and consistent Father, but since God is Spirit, He doesn’t have a gender. God is really a They or a Them and when God speaks internally the pronoun used was “Us.” (Genesis 1:26)
The same Lord who created me, created you. They love us both and offer us the same mercy and salvation — and even spiritual gifts, as the Spirit sees fit. Whether you and I agree on politics, religion or any other topic under the sun, were are all the same in the eyes of God (Galatians 3:26-28). We are called to love each other — especially those we think are our enemies (see Matthew 5:43-44 again).
There are churches that want to condemn sex education classes and ostracize transgender children in the name of protecting their children and religious freedom. These same churches house people that have sexually victimized people I know. They have taught beyond the bible and created their own doctrines. I do not hate them. I feel sorrow for them. They have missed the love of Christ somewhere and that this love is for everyone. They have let fear blind them so they do not see the sin at their feet.
Fear is the root of hate. If we are honest than the light of Christ can heal so much. His light can open our eyes to the real issues.
Sex is not a bad topic as long as we are honest about it. My parents never talked to me about sex. I am thankful for the public school system. Without the education I was given, I would have only known what my friends told me until I realized I could do my own research and most kids do not do that.
Transgender children have enough problems with body dysmorphia, most likely they don’t want to dress down for PE or take showers at school. As the fattest kid in my class, I know, I didn’t. All children need somewhere where they are not treated badly and many times home is not a safe place for trans kids.
How about Christian parents teaching their kids to extend compassion instead of judgement and fear while loving their neighbor as themselves?
Christians were called to be different and God didn’t mean being a bully. Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment and He said: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
I was listening to a sermon on TV last week and the way the preacher described the old text was that we were supposed to go out of our way to love our neighbor, as if they were of greater value than us. That is a huge difference than what I do and I often see. Instead, I see:
‘This people honors Me with their lips but their heart is far from Me. 7 And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrine the commandments of men.’ Mark 7:6-7
I am so thankful that Jesus came and found me under the apple trees when I was 5-years-old. He knew I would need Him to guide me through some scary things. He knew I would be able to see, hear, smell, feel and taste things others could not and that is why He made me and chose me. This same Savior loves us all, whether we are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Trumpster, Queer, Straight, Law-abiding, Criminal, Fat or Fit, Rich or Poor or any other trait any of us might judge each other for and He gifts us as He sees fit for the moment.
You might condemn me because I am bisexual or demi-sexual or because I am happily married to a woman for 9 years on May 9th. But I know God does not. I know this because I asked Him and He told me not to divorce her. He is the true head of our household and Karen and I love it that way. When we cna’t handle each other, we hand each other off to our Maker because He knows exactly what to do.
We must, as Christians, remember that Christ came to free us from the law. Laws were meant to lead us to Christ but righteousness doesn’t come through laws, especially new laws. Church and State must be separate because when we live in the Spirit, as we are called to, the Spirit guides us to live in love, where are neighbor is more important than ourself so laws are not necessary. When we are loving God with all our heart, soul and mind and our neighbor as ourself, laws are only necessary for people that do not know Jesus. Living in any other way makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross. (Galatians 2:20-21)
Being a Christian is simple. Our life is about making our life about God. Our life is not about judging others.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 16, 2023 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Life, Opinions
I never considered that there would come a time that I would end my therapy. I have had at least 2 mental breaks in my lifetime. I was smart enough to be able to fake enough balance that I didn’t end up confined. I know that would not have served me well. I am thankful that the people I kept close to me knew that too. My last one was the biggest and took me a long time to overcome because it happened at the same time that my body too was overwhelmed. Since 2014 I have been fighting for myself. Sometimes harder than others. I am not done. There is more to be done but my therapist told me yesterday that it may be time that I graduate out of therapy.
I am stunned.
I am overwhelmed and then I am not. I take my wellness seriously. I have made many changes. I make changes. I will keep making changes, gradually, because that is what works best for me.
When I began my session yesterday I mentioned that I had decided that I was done fighting with the voices in my head. That the voices of people that weren’t real because they were not in my life and they had to go. It had taken me a long time to realize it was all in my head and I had the power to tell them to go away. I had help. God helped me. When they snuck back in through dreams, I asked God to bless them and keep them away from me. I asked God to love them and give us all a good nights sleep. I trust that if God wants reconciliation between me and the real people, God will orchestrate this. I don’t have to make anything happen and I can trust that because God loves me and these characters more than I ever could, or they could. I believe that God will make the heart and mind changes happen so that we can see each other in all our humanness and forgive each other and have an authentic relationship without gossip and backbiting and other hateful habits that don’t show love.
My therapist told me it was time to update my treatment plan. But I couldn’t think of what that would be. She couldn’t suggest anything. She listened to what was on my mind and suggested that we give me the space of considering this until our next session. So I am talking about this with Karen G Clemenson. Who also seems surprised that I might be ready to graduate out. I don’t think either one of us considered there would be an end to therapy.
I asked my therapist about my medications. That scared me because I know when I don’t take them. They slow me down so I can remember my tools. The same tools that seem to be working so maybe I don’t need therapy anymore, or for at least this point in my life. She said that my psychiatrist would still meet with me and maintain that part of my treatment.
I know I should be happy for me. Part of me is starting to feel that. Part of me is also feeling a bit of satisfaction because I think I knew I was coming to this point. There is a quiet I am getting comfortable with that I have never had. I have learned that I can make boundaries. I can say no. I can say yes. I can say what I want. I can be me and not worry about if that offends because I know who I am. I like myself. I am not perfect at this but I am sure that this is what you practice as you live. Loving is not just for other people, it is for ourselves too.
The thought of not needing a therapist is new. I have had this therapist for a couple of years and I really like her. I like her because she doesn’t waste words or time. She is direct. She is what I needed. I trust her. When she told me that fighting with the voices in my head is a mental illness issue but the other things I worry about are normal things to worry about and not mental illness. I thought: I healed myself…I might be normal…whatever that means.
In the end I will miss my therapists’ affirmations of my choices but that is what I have God, Karen and Jamie Holloway for…it is the success I never considered. That is part of self-love too.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 15, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Education, Opinions
I did not pick this book out. My wife did. She was advised by a friend to look at Reconstruction so she brought The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine home from the library. I had just helped her bring about 10 books home…and not any light reads but big, thick and heavy duty reads. This book is very overdue. I watched her squeak in moments where she could try to absorb the vast history in this book and got more and more interested but she works a lot and I eventually saw that she was not going to finish it, so once I had read all the other books, I picked it up. It took me over a month to read it. I am very sensitive. Slavery and White Supremacy hurt my heart but it is part of our history and I am glad I read this book. I even ended up purchasing this book so that Karen can read it at her pace and I might even read it again. Levine did a good job.
Andrew Johnson was our 17th president. He lost his father when he was only 3 years old. He never went to school but he taught himself to read and write. He was apprenticed to a tailor before he was 10 years old. He lived in North and South Carolina as a boy and moved to Greenville, Tennessee when he was 16 years old. When he was 18 years old, he opened his own tailor shop, got married and continued to self-educate himself at the Greenville College. He enjoyed public speaking, history and politics.
- Johnson was as Jacksonian Democrat
- Johnson was a Town alderman in 1829
- He served as Mayor
- Johnson served in the Tennessee State legislature in 1841
- He served in Congress in 1843
- Johnson was a Senator for Tennessee in 1857
- He became Vice President in 1865
Frederick Douglass was freed slave, self-educated and an activist known for his powerful speeches against slavery and for equal Civil Rights for all. He believed that the United States Constitution was a pro-slavery document and electing antislavery politicians into offices was good sense. Douglass was not impressed with President Lincoln when he first knew him and through much of 1962. Lincoln and Martin R. Delany advocated for Black emigration to places like Liberia, Central America and Africa at the choice of the Black person. Douglass believed that Black Americans deserved to live in the country they helped to build.
Douglass appreciated Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863, however, he wasn’t positive that Lincoln was going to abolish slavery in the Confederate states and he also believed that Reconstruction had not begun to be considered. However, Douglass supported and recruited Black troops for the Union and met with Lincoln to inspire him to pay Black troops equally what White troops were being paid. Douglas heard that education would be amiss for the formerly enslaved Black people. He also knew that race relations would require help. Black people would remain “enslaved” by White people that would not respect their humanity and freedom.
Lincoln’s original goal in the Civil War was only to reestablish the Union. “The mission of the war,” according to Douglass should have been: “immediate and unconditional emancipation in all the states,” as well as programs to “invest the Black man everywhere with right to vote and to be voted for, and remove discriminations against his rights on account of his color, whether as a citizen or as a soldier.” Frederick Douglass, chapter 2
Black people were not considered United States citizens in 1864, although about 200,000 Black Americans fought in the Union Army during the Civil War.. Freeing slaves meant nothing if Black Americans had no rights and protections under the law. President Lincoln wanted to restore states to the Union, while Congress wanted to Reconstruct the formerly seceded states. Lincoln and Johnson, at one time, agreed that restoration was a job to be overseen by the president and not Congress, but as Douglass continued to speak out about reasons for deeper changes, Lincoln was gaining more and more of Douglass’ hope of success. Lincoln had begun seeking the counsel from Douglass in 1864.
“On the occasion of Abraham Lincoln’s 2nd inauguration, Douglass wrote in his 1881 Life and Times of Fredrick Douglass, Johnson revealed his racism in a glance, while Lincoln reached out to his Black guest as an equal. Douglass further contrasted Lincoln and Johnson on that day: “Mr. Lincoln was like one who was treading the hard and thorny path of duty and self-denial; Mr. Johnson was like one just from a drunken debauch.” Frederick Douglass, chapter 3
In Lincoln’s last address he stated:
- That the Southern states had in fact seceded, but they would be re-aligned in proper relationship with the Union — This opinion differed from his Vice President.
- All states in the Union would support the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery.
- He wanted states to consider Black suffrage and at least allow Black soldiers who had fought for the Union to be given the right to vote.
- He also stated the benefit of public schools equally to Black and White students.
Abraham Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth on April 14th. The President died on April 15, 1865. This is the day that Andrew Johnson became President of the United States.
- Johnson did not believe in Southern secession. He believed a person could secede but not a state.
- Johnson called for an end of slavery during the Civil War.
- Johnson loved being known as “Moses” to Black people
- He had made many statements about punishing Southern traitors
- Slavery was abolished by the 13th Amendment and Lincoln’s Republicans were ready for Reconstruction but Johnson felt that was a job solely for the President to oversee.
Congress wanted a full Reconstruction which meant that all Confederate leaders would be stripped of their positions. Plantation owners would lose parcels of their land to give to freed people. Political and social equality would be given to freed people.
For 5 years Johnson had written and spoken in conjunction with some of these ideals yet within a month of his presidency he announced in his Amnesty Proclamation that he would offer pardons to nearly anyone who asked for them. He would restore Confederate states and their leaders, as they had always been and he, alone, would over see Reconstruction. To be allowed back into good standing with to the Union all the ex-Confederate states had to do was make a statement of loyalty to the United States, ratify the 13th Amendment (although they were allowed to perceive the Amendment however they saw fit) and they had to make a statement of regret that they had seceded the Union (even though Johnson didn’t believe they had seceded.)
Johnson believed that slavery had caused the Civil War and since slavery was abolished with the 13th Amendment, there was no war. No war, meant no Reconstruction — just a quick restoration of the 11 ex-Confederate states he was overseeing.
“Slavery has left its poison behind it, both in the veins of the slave and in those of the enslaver.” Frederick Douglass
The 13th Amendment left Black American’s rights and citizenship up to the perception of each state. This quickly made a bad situation worse for many Black Americans. Senator Charles Sumner, Congressman Thaddeus Stevens and U.S. Secretary of the Interior, Carl Schurz all communicated with Johnson about the freed people that were falling by the hand of White people. All were ignored.
The 14th Amendment was ratified on July 28, 1868. It granted citizenship and equal civil and legal rights to Black Americans and freed slaves that had been born in the United States. The Amendment did not apply to Native Americans. It also left room for states to their own due process of the law which left Black people with little protections.
Douglass had thought Black people should be suddenly be treated equal in every way but as President Johnson was not addressing Reconstruction or pushing equal rights at a Federal level, he began to understand the need for Black organizations to form in order to educate fellow Black people and push for equal rights.
“How can you, in view of your professed desire to promote the welfare of the Black man, deprive him of all means of defense, and clothe him whom you regard as his enemy [the former slaveholders] in the panoply of political power?” They instructed the president that peace between the races “would not be achieved” by degrading one race and exalting another, by giving power to one race and withholding it from another, but by maintaining a state of equal justice between all classes.” Black Delegates to President Johnson, chapter 6
On February 19, 1866 President Johnson vetoed Congress’ extension of the Refugees, Freedmen and Abandoned Lands AKA Freedman’s Bureau. Congress rallied and got the votes to keep the Freedman’s Bureau active a little while longer.
- Located in Washington D.C. and throughout ex-Confederate states
- Offered services to about 4 million freed people in the South
- Distributed food and clothing
- Medical Assistance
- Legal protection and guidance on contracts
- Tried to make sure Blacks were fairly compensated for their work
- Set up schools and training institutes
- Confiscated lands from the Southern plantation owners for redistribution to the thousands of formerly enslaved people
- Offered police protection for free people
Johnson also vetoed the Congress’ Civil Right’s Act, affirming that all native born people (except Native Americans) were citizens of the United States. Congress overrode that veto also.
The Memphis Riot of 1866 (Memphis Massacre) took place May 1-3.
- Over 45 Black people were killed and hundreds were injured
- 2-3 White people were killed. One was killed for talking to Black people. The others were killed with their own weapons.
- Was begun by a false rumor that a Black soldier had killed a White police officer
- Police and a White mob burned the Black churches, schools and residences, shot randomly at Black people and raped Black women.
Many people felt this confirmed President Johnson’s fears of race wars and blamed Black people. However many media outlets and Radical Republicans cast the blame on White policemen and the Johnson Administration.
On July 30, 1866 unarmed Black Delegates marched to the Mechanics Institute in New Orleans. Their goal was to make the state’s constitution more inclusive. When they reached the institute, White police officers and other aggressive White mobsters shouted insults back and forth and the police began shooting their guns. Although the Black people wove white flags of surrender, the police shot all the men.
- The mayor and city officials refused to step in
- 48 Black people died and over 200 were wounded
- White supporters were also killed
- Wounded Black Delegates were arrested and charged with inciting a riot
- Not one White person was charged with murder
When Johnson vetoed the Freedman’s Bureau Bill and The Civil Rights Bill, he lost support of his own party in Congress. The riots had made things worse. While giving a speech in Cleveland, Ohio on September 3, 1866, someone heckled Johnson, placing some of the blame for the riot in New Orleans on him. Johnson’s infuriated response was reprinted nationwide.
As people continued to lay blame on the president he continued to lay blame on the Republicans and Freedman’s Bureau, stating that their policies made slaves of White people. This is what caused the topic of impeachment to come up. People didn’t care for Johnson’s violent talk against other leaders. They also felt he lacked the decorum expected of a United States President…Reading about our 17th president does seem reminiscent of our 45th president.
The 14th Amendment gave birth right citizenship and equal rights to Black Americans but not suffrage. Douglass could understand how a person with equal rights could constitutionally take the right to vote away from another person.
January 5, 1867 President Johnson vetoed Washington D.C.’s Franchise Law, granting voting rights to Black men. Congress overrode his veto.
Reasons given by many for impeachment of President Johnson:
- Drunken behavior
- Racist efforts to undermine Reconstruction
- Usurping the power of the Legislative Branch
- Many blamed Johnson for loss of life in Memphis and New Orleans
None of these were reasons for Johnson’s impeachment. On February 24, 1868 Johnson was impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors. Johnson was impeached because he ignored a law that made it illegal for him to fire anyone whose appointment had been approved by the Senate. Namely, Secretary of War, Edwin M. Stanton in February of 1868. The law was part of The Tenure of Office Act Congress had created to constrain Johnson’s ability to fire and hire high-level officials. It was created after he had vetoed 2 Reconstruction Acts that Congress had had to overthrow. Johnson not only fired Stanton but replaced him with Lorenzo Thomas without Congressional approval.
Johnson vetoed that Freedman’s Bureau because he believed it was each state’s obligation to aid and protect Black people and not the Federal government. He argued that Black people had the same protection as White people in the ex-Confederate states. Congress overrode his vetoes so Johnson used his presidential power to protect Southern white landowners and fired bureau officials.
To impeach President Johnson, prosecutors from the House of Representatives would have to prove he had violated the terms of the Tenure of Office Act. Regardless of how many people felt about Reconstruction, the focus of the articles of impeachment were based mainly on the Tenure of Office Act and public opinion had to stay out as much as possible. There was one argument: it was illegal for Johnson to fire a Senate appointee while Senate was not in session. But that was only one of many little arbitrary arguments made during the trial.
Black Americans wanted Johnson to be convicted for being the “demented Moses of Tennessee.” He had promised to be a leader but was truly an oppressor who brought death and suffering to freed people. Benjamin Butler tried to argue against Johnson’s policies regarding Reconstruction but the judge would not hear his arguments.
Douglass saw impeachment of Johnson as a challenge to White Supremacy. He felt that Black Male Suffrage was the best way to fight White Supremacists. Douglass supported Women’s Suffrage but not at the expense of Black Male Suffrage and delaying reforms he had been advocating since the Civil War.
Douglass was upset that Republicans had failed to provide a fast impeachment but had wasted time arguing over technicalities. He felt that a conviction would mean, “that the fair South shall no longer be governed by Regulators and the Ku-Klux Klan, but by fair and impartial law.” Douglass’ reference to Regulators was he he coined other White Supremacist groups.
The Republican Party became known for Reconstruction. They also became known for economic conservatism.
Johnson was acquitted by his party but he did not have their support for a 2nd term. Ulysses S. Grant and Schuyler Colfax would run and win as the 18th President and Vice President of the United States of American. Both men supported Black Suffrage but it was not included in the party platform.
The Democrats chose Horatio Seymour who was very racist and opportunistic. Frank P. Blair would have been his Vice President, had Seymour won. That fact that the Democrats could put forward potential leaders who hated Black Americans just as the 13th and 14th Amendments were ratified outraged Frederick Douglass and proved there was much more work to do.
Andrew Johnson was acquitted but the rest of his presidency was pretty futile, however the Democratic Party, which he now aligned himself with, had grown in size throughout that United States. When he returned to Tennessee in 1869, he tried to run for positions but no one wanted to vote for him. In 1875 he returned to Washington, D.C.:
- Democrats were the majority party
- Black Americans had achieved some representation in Congress and State House Representatives
- The 15th Amendment allowed all United States citizens the right to vote
- Grant created the Department of Justice to prosecute the Ku Klux Klan
- Naturalization Act of 1870 allowed for people of African descent to apply for United States citizenship
Johnson was welcomed back to Congress and sworn in, only to serve a short time. He died of a stroke only 4 months later. Until his death Johnson recommended a path of moderation and calmness toward changes between the races.
“Put away your race prejudice. Banish the idea that one class must rule over another. Recognize the fact that the rights of the humble citizens are as worthy of protection as those of the highest, and your problem will be solved; and, whatever may be in store for it in the future, whether prosperity, or adversity; whether there shall be peace , or war, based upon the external principals of truth, justice, and humanity, and with no class having any cause of complaint or grievance, your Republic will stand and flourish forever.” Frederick Douglass, Epilogue
Some say that President Johnson failed at Reconstruction but that is not the view of Levine. The United States failed. There was just too much history to overcome by one war and 3 amendments. You can’t legislate humanity. I believe we are still working on Reconstruction. Much like this book review, which is not really a book review but a diagram of historic events, sometimes you have to take the long way.
I got this book at the Longview Public Library. You can get your own copy of The Failed Promise Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine on Amazon.
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Read My Review on GoodReads:
The Failed Promise: Reconstruction, Frederick Douglass, and the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson by Robert S. Levine
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
My wife picked this book out but couldn’t finish it, so I did. It was a heavy topic and I had to take several breaks. I also had to Google some topics that Levine didn’t explain well but overall I thought it was a great book and I intend to buy a copy so I can go through it again and my wife can read it without time constraints. Reconstruction is a broad part of United States’ history and one I think we are still going through it.
View all my reviews
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 10, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Life, Opinions
I have been learning me diligently for about 20 years now. It might be odd that I didn’t start until I was in my mid-20’s for some, but it makes sense to me. I lived in a very controlled environment. It didn’t even occur to me to ask myself what I wanted until I was 35-years-old. I am not angry about it. It is just a fact. I don’t believe that age confines us to anything. I believe that age is just a number to keep track of how long we have been here, what is important is what we think and believe.
In fact what I thought and believed kept me in a small and controlled environment because I didn’t believe I could leave. I didn’t have faith in myself. I was scared. In reality I can’t afford to live on my own. The cost of living is well beyond my disability benefits, which I didn’t have when I was living in my controlled environment. Even with a wife who works 2 jobs we have had a hell of a time finding housing that isn’t too close to the industrial area of town or infested with bugs. I can’t live with either. We lived 2 blocks from the industrial area for 3 years and I was constantly sick and terrified with the drug and gang life that surround the area. We lived with cockroaches and bed bugs for 11 months and I came really close to another mental break; I still have flashbacks. I think people that can live in these environments are so brave. I am not brave in this way.
I hate fighting. I avoid it and have avoided it at all costs all my life. I am so thankful that Karen and I agree on this. We don’t fight. We both grew up with fighting. We have fought about 2 times; for real fights. Enough to know we fight the same. No one is listening and everyone is screaming and saying things you can’t take back. So we don’t fight. We take a time out and then we talk it out. Tearing down the team is not on our agenda. But most of the world is not made this way. But as I addressed in Addressing Mental Health Issues, I often fight inside my head with characters that I don’t have in my life anymore, or rather I used to have in my life.
Since I have relinquished these characters to God with His blessings on them, I have been able to sleep better. But they snuck back in through my dreams the last few nights. I tried to ignore them but they were sitting there, ready to fight, until I remembered that I don’t have to live with them and I asked God to take them and love them and bless them and keep them far from me and I feel so much better. I want their wellness and if we are to reconnect, I want God to orchestrate that. Right now I am working on being at peace and I can’t do that while fighting with people who aren’t actually here.
All my life I was told I would never succeed because I was fat. I would never have the job, relationship and health I want because I was fat. I read the books that were put in front of me, I watched and worked out with the videos they placed in front of me; I believed them. But you know what? There is more to me than my fatness. Even though many in the world are afraid or angry with me about my size, I don’t have to be. A few weeks ago I started to think those thoughts because my underwear is falling apart. When I went to the site where I bought them in the past I had to search my purchases because I couldn’t remember the brand and I remember that I really like how they fit in the beginning of our relationship. They didn’t fall down, they didn’t pull, the fabric breathed nice and I didn’t feel too warm. I bought the same brand for Karen, funny enough, I bought her’s 2 years ago, which started me thinking a different thought. Now I wanted to see how long it has been since I bought myself new underwear. You know what? I have been wearing the same underwear for 3 years. I had forgot to replace them sooner. No wonder they are starting to fall apart. It isn’t because I am fat. It is because I forgot to buy new ones…and guess who it getting new underwear next month? Self care is so important.
I am not saying that I should not be aware of my eating habits and working out, but beating myself up about my size is not healthy either. I am very fat. But my blood pressure is always good, unless I am in a lot of pain or angry. My cholesterol is in normal range. My a1C is in pre-diabetic range with the lowest dose of medication. All my blood tests are good. I do have cancer but we are working on that. I have chronic mental and physical illnesses but I might have had all of these if I were skinny too. I recently had a CT scan on my organs and they all look good. There is a little fat on my liver, so I am making a few more changes to my diet; less processed foods, more nuts for healthy fats, but I already don’t drink anything but water, herb tea and maybe a decaf Americano 2-3 times a week. I cook most of our food so I can control what types of carbs and ingredients we are eating; I eat oatmeal with dried fruit and nuts made with almond milk in the morning and that is what brought my cholesterol down.
We did have a treat yesterday though because you have to have treats every now and then. I am so excited that I finally found the pizza of my cravings. For years I have this taste I have craved but have never found it until yesterday. We have tried several pizzas at PieTrio’s Pizzeria and always enjoyed them but it was never perfect until yesterday when I decided to get the BYOP. You can choose 4 toppings so I chose Beef, Salami, Artichoke hearts and Fresh mushrooms. It was perfection! Their crispy crust and the perfect red sauce with the lightest hint of fennel and just the right amount to mozzarella was amazing! Why am I telling you this? Because it made me happy and two thin slices were satisfying and I like to support local business when I can. If you haven’t tried them, you should.
PieTrio’s Pizzeria
614 Commerce Ave Longview, WA 98632
360-353-3512
Find them on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pietrios/
Also the fact that I can occasional enjoy some pizza with red sauce proves that my stomach has healed a lot. I have successfully removed nightshades and kept gluten to a minimum so that on occasion I can have a little bit. Although I love tomatoes, my stomach and joints can’t handle them every day. My stomach doesn’t even digest bell peppers or most peppers. So pizza is a treat, not a lifestyle, which is the way it should be anyway.
Everyone’s wellness journey is personal. What works for one, wont work for another and that is ok. I was at a doTERRA class about supplements, yesterday, and we were sharing experiences and people were suggesting things for my chronic stuff. They didn’t understand that I have been doing this a long time. I have been using doTERRA for 11 years and although I don’t know all their products I have tried almost all of their oils. I appreciated the suggestions and was glad to share that my response to Turmeric is anaphylactic so, no, Turmeric is not an option for me because I like to live. But I did learn about a product that I would never have tried because in other forms it doesn’t work for me but after hearing about how it is working for others for chronic pain, I am willing to try it. Maybe it will help me overcome some of my pain so I can train for the 5K I still want to do…after I have healed from the hysterectomy I will probably be having in the next few months, of course.
I was recently invited to join a group on Facebook that looked like a nutrition group. I hate feeling interrupted by groups but I thought I would give it a try. Turns out is a group to market diet foods based on some MMA from the past. I know doTERRA is an MMA too but it is my only one and I don’t tend to purchase anything but oils and I love their deodorant. My body can’t process fake sugars and food coloring well. It causes my blood pressure to shoot up, sometimes the coloring comes out my sinuses or other weird places. I don’t know if it is the fake colors or the oils they use to make them stick to the powders but I just don’t eat diet food. I am better off with a burger and fries than diet food, in most cases. I gave it a try but I can’t stay in a group that keep showing me pictures of “donut holes” that are “healthy”. That isn’t working for me. I have worked really hard to learn how to learn how to enjoy real food in moderation or learn to enjoy healthier foods to sabotage myself like this.
Now all I need is a … well God knows. Thanks for reading.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 1, 2023 | About Summer, Poetry
Sometimes we can’t see straight until we are removed
The situation is confused by emotions we want to feel
or don’t know how to name correctly
until we do
And often we are far on the other side before we know those words
~
I remember those days that I thought I would die
because they left me without their love
I missed the twinkle of their eye and their silly dance
I missed the way they played the drums
it always made me move
I missed laughing and feeling like I was home
~
Their phone call left me wounded
Walking around with a sucking chest wound
was a challenge
Each step a necessity and hope to get back to my aloneness
where I didn’t have to struggle to breathe so much
The tears kept my pillow like a swamp
Luckily I knew how to float on my back
~
But as I kept walking forward I started to find
the me I had lost while I was absorbed in what I thought was love
but was much more than love
in a way that I had got lost in it and couldn’t see
Because I forgot to love me
or I couldn’t love me and follow their rules
~
The multiple and paranoid texts while I was at school
The constant and easily triggered anger over anything
I was always trying to counter
The times I gave into what they wanted to avoid their whining
They could kiss me when they wanted but if they didn’t want a kiss…
Everything was up to them
~
Until they dumped me
And I was alone
And I found me
And when they came back and tried to reengage
I was stronger
I was aware of their abuse
I saw behaviors I didn’t want in my life
And I said NO
~
Please wait...
