She Is It

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 17, 2025 | About Summer, Chronic Illness, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community

I don’t think I could put in words how much I love, need and want Karen G Clemenson. She is it. As I grew up I had made lists of what I wanted in a partner. I have never taken choosing a partner lightly and I am not casual about sex at all. Karen is one of two people I have ever been with. She even helped me get over the first guy, promising he would come back, until I finally told her, I didn’t want him to come back.

I have loved 3 people in my life and there were about 10 years between each person. I was friends with each person first. My lists always changed as I had my heart was shattered. Because I love completely. I am so grateful that I am demisexual because I don’t have overwhelming sexual feelings that get in my way until I have bonded with someone emotionally, intellectually and have learned if they are worthy of my trust.

When I prayed to God and asked for a partner I was shocked that Karen was the one. I had been fighting my feelings for some time, to be honest. I was raised in a conservative family and conservative religion and being gay was wrong. However, I had also walked with God since I was 5 and I had an authentic relationship with God and there had been many things God had shown me, that I had been taught, that were wrong.

It was still 1 year after we were married, before I could verbalize that I was bisexual and demisexual. But I also knew that God knew that I was queer. He made me this way and He loved me and this very small part of who I am, is part of the calling He has for me. Nothing I have ever done or ever will do, will ever change how much He loves me or that the salvation He created for me is mine. He promised me that. I am supposed to love Him, let Him love me, and love my neighbor. He will fill in all the blanks.

Karen and I have this little joke. She asks me — Who loves you? — I always answer, with a smile on my face: Jesus.

The only competition Karen has is The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. I do find other people attractive but I don’t want them. We talk about that. Neither of us wants anyone else. And even the most exquisite looking person can open their mouth and say a selfish, judgmental, or hateful thing and suddenly they are no longer interesting to me in any way.

I have had people try to use their religious beliefs to justify their fear that I am going to hell. I am sick of this. It just isn’t true. God created inclusion. The word “homosexuality” wasn’t even added to the bible until 1947 by white people that wanted to control the narrative. I do realize the bible I read, in its imperfection, was inspired by God, but edited by man. This doesn’t stop me from reading it, but I read it with Jesus and I ask questions and wait for answers.

Karen was the best gift God ever gave me. When I could not hide that I was sick anymore, she was there. I had never been taken care of before. I had been the one to serve. I am an artist and chronically ill. I don’t know what my body and mind will be like from day to day; I don’t often know what I will say until I say it. She is never intimidated by me, my body, my mind or my ideas. She loves the challenge and surprises. On earth, she is my rock and I am her’s. I don’t take this for granted.

On the flip side, she eats healthier, dresses better and has more organization in her life than she ever had on her own because once we were married, we both learned, we needed someone to take care of. Her blood pressure is normal, her weight is exactly what her doctor wants it to be and her muscle tone is impressive. Plus she has some pretty great aspirations that she would never have attempted if she didn’t have someone cheering her on. Who else is going to correct her when she says she is crazy and tell her she is just juggling a lot?

We make an amazing team. I thank God for her all the time. I can’t and don’t even want to imagine life without her. We have healed and grown so much in this relationship and I wish that the kind of love, trust, honesty and kindness we share was in all partnerships. If there was, there would probably be little to no divorce and less STIs and unwanted pregnancies too. Because when you have all you want in your relationship, you don’t have to look anywhere else and you make decisions together and you don’t do things to tear down the team.

I am a blessed woman.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Jesus Follower, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Jesus Follower…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Read the Bible

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 26, 2025 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have read the bible by myself for the joy of it all my life. But when I was younger it was also taught to me to prove myself and others wrong, to find sin, to weaponize Jesus and His word. I don’t know if the people that taught me to do this, did it with intention to weaponize it, or if the people that taught them to do it had that reason, but somewhere along the chain, there was some intent to manipulate and control others. When I learned what I was doing, I began to ask God to help me unlearn this behavior. I did this because I could see that it wasn’t helping anyone get closer to God but just the opposite.

This behavior has been used to morph into political gain as well. It makes me angry and sad, depending on where I am and who I am with.

I have been really hurt by well-intentioned people at church. I sometimes, but rarely, visit churches now. My experience at church is nothing like the relationship I have with God when I can just be myself. God has told me I have specific callings on my life. He did not make me to fit in a church. But I did get one method of reading the bible every year from one church that I enjoy. When I finish, I start again and because I have grown and changed each year, the scriptures are different for me. It makes each time I read a scripture like it is new and I learn something special or deeper.

The Bible Was Created to:

Aid in building relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit
Teach history and culture
Bring the reader to their own repentence
Edify and encourage the reader and others

People get confused. They think because Paul, a fallible man, talks about how to run a church that we are supposed to tell each other how to live, but Paul often gets full of himself, and being a Jew, he still liked laws a lot.

Jesus said to love the Lord our God with all our heart and soul and mind and love our neighbor as ourselves. If we could do that we were good. He also said all judgement was given to Him, the Son of God, on Judgment Day and He wasn’t judging yet.

Being a Jesus follower is actually pretty simple.

The hard part is letting go of all the lies humans, well-meaning or not, tell us, dropping the bad habits that don’t serve us as well as we once thought they did, and learning to set boundaries that are healthy because our bodies have limits and how can we give freely, and out of love, if we are exhausted and feel taken advantage of?

As we learn the heart of Jesus, we get used to hearing from the Holy Spirit. We learn what our calling is. For some people it is to be parents. For some it is to be a teacher. For some it is to be an encourager. Everyone has an a calling. You wont know if you don’t spend time with God and the best way to learn His voice is to be in the word.

I ran into another Jesus follower the other day. She has been through a TREMENDOUS time in the last few years and she has a HUGE calling on her life. Not unlike myself. I didn’t even know what to say to her. I was astounded by the power that resonated off of both of us. We don’t even cross paths very often. I have been watching her on Facebook. All I could say was: Be blessed. She said the same and we kept going on our own paths.

Sometimes that is all we can say; or all we should say. If I had said more to this amazing person, my human insecurities might have come up and she has come through too much to deserve that. God is dealing with us in different ways. I am so happy for her. I want her to stay exuberant.

This is another reason why it is so important to read the bible. How else can you recharge and reset when we live in a world that is so anti-whatever we are called to do, if we aren’t plugging into God? I know the bible is not perfect. It has been inspired by God, but written and manipulated by men. But it is also beautiful and inspiring, if you really push in and ask the right questions. I don’t remember when I learned this but somewhere, I learned that it was acceptable to ask God questions and wait for the answers. It might take a long time or just a few seconds, but He always answers. You might also have to be open to hearing Him too. Some people are scared of hearing Him but the Jews missed out on a lot of blessings because they were afraid to see His face. They believed they would die if they saw Him and so it was true.

In actuality, He created us for His good pleasure and He delights in us. Just the fact that you think of Him makes Him happy. Imagine what you taking the time to ask Him a question and waiting for the answer, must do for Him. God is a lot more open and loving than I ever imagined or was taught as a child. He wants us to love each other and make space for each other. There is no one that God doesn’t love. That might be hard to imagine, but it is true. It is also hard to reciprocate but God and I are working on that in me. Anyone that wants to honor that in themselves can ask for that. God in all His love and mercy is glad to give good things to His children.

God doesn’t care if we are republicans or democrats, straight or gay, able bodied or disabled. He does not care where our ancestors were born or what color our skin is. He finds all of us fascinating because He created all of us. In heaven, we will be like angels and wont have bodies like we do now, so sex and gender wont matter anymore. In heaven, I imagine there is a great big dining room table for us to fellowship at. Will you be comfortable there if you didn’t learn to live with different types of people on earth?

Feel free to leave your comments below!

The Fight Inside

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 10, 2025 | About Summer, Cancer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

Nana never spoke about her cancer and I never asked her to. I wish I had. Maybe she would tell me what I am feeling is normal. I have done everything the doctors have told me to do, no matter how painful or humiliating and still the cancer lives inside me. I am a very modest person and I have had more strangers look at me naked in the last 3 years than I have in my entire life and I don’t even get the joy of being a mother. I knew I never would, even when I was young, but sometimes that pain feels new again. I know I am tired of the fight inside me.

Nana was a lady; very graceful and well-spoken. She taught me to be a lady, as well. I was often teased by my friends for some of my lady-like habits and called a snob for my vocabulary. Nana hated swearing. She said there were so many wonderful adverbs to choose from, why did people have to resort to such low speech? I remember, even my father’s second wife would tell me that she hated the look I got on my face when she swore, she felt judged. I don’t know what look she was talking about, but other people said the same thing. All I can say about my father’s second wife, is she is not a lady. In fact, after years in therapy and trying to make peace with not fitting in, I saw her flip off one of my relatives at a Christmas party and my thought came loud and clear: Why am I trying so hard? I don’t like these people and they don’t like me. I wouldn’t put this effort into strangers.

I can’t say I never swear, the fact still remains, I am the biological daughter of a sailor (Coast Guard) and my father was my preferred parent until he left us and between him and the kids at school, I learned a lot of ways to use words that Nana was not going to teach me, but I have to get pretty angry to use those words. But I am beyond even these words right now.

I am exhausted. The kind of tired that sleep can’t fix because when I do sleep, I have nightmares. I know it is stress. Considering radiation for my next cancer step has been difficult. It has been me, accepting that my body has failed the medication route. It is me accepting another, probably, painful treatment and more people looking at my naked body. It is me wondering if this will actually work and worrying about the side effects that the doctors can’t know about because I have fibromyalgia and she is a vindictive bear and she doesn’t like to be poked. It is me having sharp shooting pain in my face as my trigeminal neuralgia is triggered and stiff jaw joints as my TMJ joins in the party.

But is also the memories that are being unpacked that I don’t want to remember. My youngest sibling and my nephew are in town. They are helping my mother clean out her house. She is getting ready to sell her house and move out of state. My mother and I have made as much peace as we can. We know we love each other but we can’t have a relationship. We pray for each other. She emailed me and told me she would put my things in a storage unit and send the key to the gym so we could come get it. I thanked her. But my sibling started emailing me. I have had no contact with this sibling for years. The last time we communicated they told me to stop contacting their children.

All my siblings have said this to me.

Being an auntie was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me and those relationships were my most dear until I married Karen. I loved listening to the kids. I loved playing with them. I did not want to be their parent. I wanted to be their auntie. But my siblings felt like I wanted too much.

When my sibling wanted me to come to my mother’s house to unpack the garage that I had cleaned so many times over the years, where half of my things went into when we moved there because my new room was half the size of my old room, where I collected things to finally move out one day, even if I could have done it, I could not have done it with them there. I had always done everything alone. This sibling offered up my ability to see my nephew as a prize and it felt a punch in the stomach.

My nephew is a man now. He could choose to have a relationship with me if he wants to. I won’t have his parent be a go-between. I already gave all I could give to them when I helped to raise my siblings, and ALL that entails, and when I helped to take care of their babies, until they didn’t need me anymore and they told me to stay away from their children. As much as I love my nephew and cherish every moment I spent with him, I want a real relationship, not one build on manipulation. Even if that wasn’t the intent, that is what it felt like.

Manipulation is what I remember growing up. If I put up with a certain amount of abuse, I got a few new books. If I got my hair done, I owed a certain amount of chores, more than usual, even though I was on call 24/7 always. On the day my father and his second wife told us they got married (yes they didn’t even tell us they were getting married or invite us, even though they had lived together for a few years) his wife told us that their marriage would be more important than any of us kids. At least that statement was true. I always felt like I was being crushed. If I ever felt happy, there was always someone that knew how to take it away from me, so I learned to swallow myself.

My nieces and nephews were the only people in my family that I let see the real me. I let them see my joy, curiosity, love, mercy, compassion…anything good that was in me. I know that maybe that was hard for my siblings to see because that was not the Summer they ever got. They were raised by an angry, abused, absent Summer. They got the worst of me most of the time. I think my youngest sibling may have seen some of my goodness, but when they told me to stay away from their children, it had been probably years since they had seen anything good from me unless it was directed at their children.

Years later, I had always thought I had taken all the abuse, which is what I wanted, but after so much therapy, it became truth to me that that was probably not true, even though it looked like they had it easier, that doesn’t mean they were in a healthy environment. My siblings have their own traumas, even if they don’t remember them or have PTSD like I do. They might not mean to hurt me but they do. I had to choose myself at some point. And that point came when I was diagnosed with cancer.

I wish Nana and Grandpa were here. They always knew what to say. I was watching an interview of Pete Buttigieg on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert and it was so refreshing. Although Grandpa was a republican, Buttigieg being a democrat, doesn’t change the way he speaks from reminding me of Grandpa. He always pauses after a question to consider his words carefully and he uses beautiful words that mean tremendous things and when he has the opportunity to say something negative, he always takes the high road, while having a dry sense of humor. I know that many people, that are no longer in my life, might not agree with me, but I try to live my life in a way that emulates my favorite parts of Nana and Grandpa. People that do not bring out the best in me, or I don’t bring out the best in them, can’t be given much of my time because it is not healthy for either of us. This doesn’t mean I don’t have love for them, it actually means I am giving them the most love I have for them, by not abusing them or myself.

I know I can’t have a relationship with my parents. My father chose his second wife and I won’t have her in my life. I don’t think I can have my siblings in my life because I don’t think I can forgive them for removing their children from my life. I know they didn’t understand my relationship with their kids; they probably thought I wanted more than I actually did but I just wanted to love them and to be part of their life, to watch them grow and listen to what the kids had to say. I know my siblings didn’t like it when I told them what their kids actually wanted, but we come from a family where kids tend to be seen as extensions of the parents and not actually individuals and I didn’t want my siblings to make the same mistakes our parents made. My parents didn’t know me at all, if they did, they sure didn’t communicate it well to me, or they didn’t care. Neither did my siblings. In fact, I don’t know my siblings either.

I am curious about my nieces and nephews. They are all adults now. I assume they are busy with their own lives. Maybe some day they will Google me and reach out. I would love that.

Today, while I wrote this, I defrosted the freezer and cleaned out the microwave. As I washed the plate for the microwave, I thought of Nana because I wash dishes like she does. She often didn’t use a brush or wash cloth to wash just one dish, she just used her hands, scraping at hard spots with her finger nail. The other night I had a dream that Grandpa had set up a new game for one of my siblings and I to play. This particular sibling and I have no relationship. But while we played we were having a great time.I wondered why I would have a dream like that. After praying about it, I know that part of the reason we don’t get a long is that we are too alike, but also we didn’t get an opportunity to be playmates. Dad left too early and I had to become a grown up. Grandpa was letting us play in my dream and we were having fun. I am glad that Nana and Grandpa are still coaching.

If you want to watch that interview with Pete Buttigieg on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert:

Feel free to leave your comments below!

Who Supports 47

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 5, 2025 | Cancer, Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community

Someone asked me, today, if I thought all people that supported 47 were a certain kind of people. They used an acronym that I don’t know and that Google doesn’t know so I couldn’t answer their question. They were responding to a post that was actually a rough draft for my post: Why Aren’t People Angry Like Me? that ended up on my blog, so if they didn’t read my blog they didn’t get to read where I went with it. But regardless, I was very angry when I wrote both posts. But I have been thinking about who supports 47.

I still agree with what I wrote, but the level of feeling has died down and I haven’t read any news or watched any news for 5 days. I have been focusing on me. Reading my bible. Reading books that I want to read, which are not light reads, but are not directly related to 47, which tends to be a topic that gets me going pretty fast.

Left to my own peace-loving self, I believe that most people, regardless of where their politics lie, are good people; helpful people. If I had a house and it was on fire, I would not ask that only firefighters of one party show up at my house because the other party would not do a good job. If you were walking down the street and you saw me trying to save my family, you would probably help me pull my family from my burning house, or at least make sure 911 had been called, and maybe even hold a hose towards my house for me, while I helped my loved ones. You might even pray with me while my house burnt down. We would never ask who we voted for. We would just be happy that my wife and I were safe and my cat was counted for and I was even able to grab the safe with our documents in it. We might hug each other and you would be glad that The Red Cross came and we had a safe place to go to that night until our insurance took care of this mess. We would never talk about politics. Even if one of were wearing a MAGA hat. Even if one of wasn’t a Jesus Follower, we still might hold a moment of silence and lift up positive thoughts to the universe for our new friendship. Because I believe that when we don’t let stuff get in the way of the good parts of humanity, we are all connected.

I have never been rich. But I have been related to people with money. I know how to act around people with money. I know what to do with money. I know how to make good decisions with money when I have it. But I love love more than money. I love people more than money. I am a chronically ill person with a body that doesn’t do what I want it to do most of the time and I can’t be a reliable employee so I rely on my disability checks. My wife is a genius but was never encouraged to go to college. When she finally tried, she had a brain aneurism and it has taken her a long time to overcome the financial problems that caused. But she is a hard worker and an asset at every job she has ever had, although, she is rarely paid much over minimum wage and hasn’t had full-time hours in almost a year. But we have love and we really like each other. We have always enjoyed being with each other, even when we were just friends. So I consider us very wealthy.

We will probably never see a year where we make over $60,000, let alone $400,000. I am ok with that. It seems like a lot of responsibility. But you better believe, we are generous with the small amount we now have, so I know it would be just that much more fun to give if we had more! That is the way we live.

I am neither a republican or a democrat. I believe if both parties are truthful to their platforms, they balance each other out and I like that. But I don’t even think either party has been totally truthful to their own platforms for a long time. I miss when republicans wanted a balanced budget. They would have never voted to raise the debt ceiling before now, and especially not at the hundreds of trillions of dollars that 47 has proposed. Republicans like low taxes but in their hay day they would have seen that we can’t afford to cut taxes with our national debt this high. I don’t mind that democrats are often called socialists, a little socialistic behavior is good for the economy when you have children in homes that can’t feed them; how will they ever rise above their situation if they don’t get a good education and healthy food? So schools should be fully funded and children should be fed and have health insurance; they are our future. Anything we can do to help families, we should do because it helps children grow up and, “be best,” to borrow a phrase from our First Lady.

I am saddened that 47 is so set against the growth in civil rights we have made. We live in a world, where it is still not fair to be a person of color, a woman, a queer person, disabled, a senior citizen or a naturalized United States citizen and these groups of people still need help. They don’t need to be stomped on, erased or forgotten. This program to erase Diversity, Equity and Inclusion is downright mean. I don’t know why some white men need to be coddled so much. As a fellow white person, even though my family is only 3 and 4 generations in the United States, so yes, I think immigration is wonderful, I would like to remind you that white people stole this land from Natives. White people should not be the dominate race here.

I am avoiding the news this week. I am doing it on purpose. My anger got too big for me to handle last week. I have cancer. I often forget about that. With my 14 diagnosis, only one of them can be cured and it is the cancer. 4 of them are mental and the rest or physical and I never feel great. So the cramping and the exhaustion, they could also be something else. But I need to not be so stressed out that I am screaming at my wife when she comes home or I can’t answer a question without crying or shaking or having nightmares. My therapist is right. There is nothing I can do to change the trajectory of where things are going in our government. I don’t have time to fact check every post people put out there to make sure it is true, but many of them are complete lies. There are only so many emails I can send to my representatives.

What kind of people do I think support 47?

If I had to guess, people that like money, people that want more money and think he can deliver.
I think people that think it is ok to define other people and people groups, even if they have no idea what it is like to be those kinds of people, and tell them how to live their life, support him because he seems to be doing their beck and call, pretty well.
I think people that don’t have faith in science or believe that we need to change how we use our natural resources before we drown ourselves and scorch the sky, probably support 47.
I think people that believe that vaccines are dangerous for everyone to use and think they don’t need to care about themselves or their loved ones enough to find out if there is a medical reason why they should avoid them, or just a stubborn streak that is stopping them from protecting themselves and their neighbor, probably like the cabinet that 47 has chosen; regardless of the years of science that proves that vaccines cause disease to be eradicated.
I think that many people have thought that government has been too big for a long time, but I am not sure many of them had what is happening in mind when they said to drain the swamp. Or maybe they did, maybe people that support 47 like that hundreds of thousands of people are out of living wage jobs and have no health insurance and many programs that we have grown accustomed to accessing, are working worse that ever now that we don’t have people to man them. Maybe those people are very happy about this. I don’t know. I haven’t done a poll to see what kind of people still support 47. But I know that in April we have been waiting for a year for my wife’s FMLA benefits from when she had her hysterectomy. She has applied for help with the VA several times and she tends to get lost in the shuffle. I have sent in paperwork over a year ago for a disabled plaque so I can park closer to buildings, over a year ago and it has never come. I also ordered a copy of my birth certificate about 2 months ago; I was born in Washington State…it hasn’t come yet. All these federal programs could work better and I don’t think firing people is going to make them more efficient.
I also think that white supremacists and christian nationalist like 47 a lot. I think he likes them too. He gives the racists a freedom they haven’t had a in long time. A place to put their hatred. Even though I have heard him say he is not a christian, I have also heard him say he likes how loyal christians are. They definitely can be that.
I do know that a lot of people that support 47, seem to love the massive amounts of deportations of illegal immigrants, even if they are not criminals and need asylum, even though one of our greatest United States symbols is The Statue if Liberty and at her feet is a plaque that says: Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door! The Statue of Liberty – Ellis Island Foundation, Inc. This is what the Clemensons would have seen when they came over from Norway to Ellis Island and created their new name for a new life.

There might be more kinds of people that support 47. I don’t want to take my imagination any further.

One of the books I am reading is the founding documents of the United States. I bought it because I wanted a copy of The Constitution but I am also finding a lot in the other documents that are available in the foundation of the United States of America. Our colonists were really abused by England’s king. Many times, in more than one document it is stated that we will not have a king. The reasons are made very clear in more than one document. A king is not all powerful. He must still answer to his Parliament, however he still has power and he did some horrible things to us in his anger and attempt to own us. We have forgotten this. 47’s comments about being king, whether they are a joke or not, are not only unconstitutional, but need to stop. There is a reason we chose our type of government. We chose a president that answered and was held accountable and had less power than our congress on purpose. Our congress is made up of elected officials that can be voted out so that we the people hold the power. This is important to remember. This our country. The United States of America is 47’s too, but he is just one man and he works for us.

Another book I am reading is called Frauen. Each chapter is an interview of a married woman during the Third Reich. Depending on the social class or education level of each woman, the interview is vastly different. The experiences of these women are sometimes similar and sometimes extremely different. Some of the women knew Jewish people and were empathetic to the situation for them. Some women knew that not only Jews, but anyone that wasn’t what was what was considered perfect (disabled people, elderly, queer, gypsies, spies, criminals, black people, etc) were in the work camps and some camps were specifically death camps. Some women had an idea of what happened in the camps, but they were terrified and didn’t talk about it because they might end up there too. Some women didn’t know any Jews and only knew the propaganda they had been taught about the “dirty Jews.” Each story is hard to read. I spent most of my high school experience studying the holocaust, but it was always from the viewpoint of the survivors of the camps. I have never read anything from the people on the outside. Some of these people lived right next to the camps and they had to “not know.” Ignorant, uneducated people that were very religious, although Hitler did not believe in religion and religion was not part of Nazism, were what he wanted. These people were the easiest to manipulate.

I can see why people keep saying they see similarities to now and the Third Reich. But this is not 1933 and we are not in Germany, where we have just lost World War I and we have not recovered yet.

We are The United States of America. We do things our own way. We need to remember this. 47 is president, but this is our country.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

Why Aren’t People Angry Like Me?

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 1, 2025 | Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community

I want to confess to you that I am very human. That even though I am a Jesus Follower and I have been all of my life and I have seen Him do amazing things that I am still afraid. I wake up every day and thank Him for my blessings, because I am a blessed woman, and I pour my heart out because I am afraid, not just for myself but for people that don’t know the faith I do. I am also angry. So angry. More angry than I have been in many years because people that claim to be christians are so selfish and have voted in an antichrist as our president and prepared his way with bills in Congress so he can’t be impeached, and voted in his budget that will not pay down any of our debt but will increase it by hundreds of trillions every year, take money away from children, elderly, veterans and the sick, while giving more money to people that already have more than enough. Where is the mercy and grace in this? I ask God every day to help me not sin in my anger, but I know the thoughts I think, and they are not pure. I am sorry.

To feel so unimportant, to feel so erased, and to know so many feel this way, doesn’t make me want to pray for our president or our Congress, although, out of obedience, sometimes I do and sometimes it is even the kind of prayers God can honor, because I am always honest with God and He knows I am human and He knows where I fall short and where I let myself imagine letting all the people that are hurting others go in my mind, because I feel powerless, not because I condone violence or murder, but because I feel my pain and the pain of others and in moments of exhaustion, it seems the only way to make it stop. But I know I am wrong. I know violence only begets more violence and peace is what I really want. Yet this president doesn’t like peace, he thrives in chaos and in making people uncomfortable, so while he is in office, this is what we have.

I have accepted that all blame doesn’t belong on 47 or Musk. They have been empowered by Congress. And Congress has been empowered by republicans, regular people that do not want the same things I want. But I am still very angry. Hopefully God will be able to show me what to do with my anger because I don’t believe anger has to be bad. Jesus got angry. For many of the same reasons I am angry now.

I have a friend that tells me government is too big. It shouldn’t be in our religion, schools and such. I agree, government should stay out of religion, although I don’t mind if churches pay taxes. I also think schools need to be fully funded and offer meals to children and if that means that we need federal funding to do it, than so be it. Some families need more help than others and children should not suffer because their parents or their states can’t or won’t excel. I also think, as the bible says, we should mind our own business and get the hell out of each other’s doctor appointments and procedures. Adults should be able to have any medical procedure necessary for their medical and mental wellness and it should not be a political issue but a decision made between individuals and their medical team alone. What a waste of time and resources we have created by politicizing abortion or gender affirming care! But there are other government services that are being cut right now that are important: transportation, food inspection, national parks are just a few. Some government jobs make it easier to work with other countries, get to work, have safe food to eat, prevent disease through vaccinations and new treatments, go to parks to relieve stress and have fun, help people pay their bills because they are too sick or old to work, just for example.

Jesus said it would be hard for the rich to get the heaven. He said this because He expected us to share. He told us to share freely. He said to not store up things on earth, but in heaven. Many of these people that agree with what is happening want to say they are christians but they don’t want to share, even when what they have more than enough.

I read that even though the goal of DOGE is to find waste, that 47 and Musk were talking about giving the money they found to the people, but not to the people that need it, the people that make over $400,000 per year. This statement makes me angry, not because I won’t get any of that money, but because any money they find should go directly to pay down our national debt. This is also why I am angry about tax cuts for the wealthy. Fiscally we have no business cutting taxes when our national debt is the highest it has ever been. I would even not be so angry about the rape of Medicaid and SNAP programs if it was going to pay down our national debt, but it isn’t, it going to make up for the tax cuts for people that don’t need it.

Why aren’t people storming the White House? I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t understand why these decisions are terrible, not just nationally but globally? The decisions that are being made are going to make The United States of America weak in every aspect. Why aren’t people angry like me?

On top of all of my feelings, to be truthful, my fears and anger are not just about other people. My feelings and fears are about me. I feel like I did as a child. Always knowing that I would have a terrible thing to deal with every day, but not knowing what it would be, who it would be about and how much it would hurt. Never knowing which version of my parent would show up. Never having the tools I needed to handle the stress and emotional neglect and violence I had to shoulder in my abusive, while well-meaning family. I hate feeling like I can’t protect myself or my neighbor. I don’t like feeling like a child. I find myself always looking over my shoulder, checking my email for a news article and trying to deal with that constant pain in my stomach and heart because I know people are hurting because of the choices of politicians and people that I can do nothing about, except pray. And even though I know this is enough, it doesn’t feel like it, because you can pray for someone for your whole life and then realize that they get to choose to be who they are and they might never align with your prayers because they have the right to be who they want to be, no matter what you ask God for. I know this because I prayed for my family to love me all my life, to know the God I knew, for them to hear me and they can’t do it or wont do it.

Because we all get to choose who we are, even if they make laws that say otherwise. 47 can make all the executive orders he wants about gender but Queer and Trans people have always existed and they always will. You can’t erase us. You can make abortion illegal, but they will always happen, whether you like them or not. The more pressure you put on humanity, the more we fight back. You can accuse President Zelenskyy of not being grateful or not wearing the appropriate suit when he visits but he still didn’t start the war in his country, and we know that Russia did and if World War III begins, it might just be because 47 has raised tariffs to a ridiculous level against our biggest trading partners, while teasing them with adding them to the United States, antagonizing the world with buying them out and not supporting organizations that we have always supported, to keep the world in balance, until every country gets sick of 47 shooting off his mouth and they decide to shoot at us and then what will we do.

Yes I am very angry.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

Free Speech

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 28, 2025 | Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community

I was on Facebook, the other day, and I found myself on a feed of a more conservative perspective, where people were enjoying their right to free speech, and I came to realize that these people were the people that voted in the politicians that are responsible for the chaos we are in right now. I always hate it when people just blame the president for every issue we have because the president only has the power Congress allows them. Congress is more powerful than the president. And it is Congress that has empowered 47 and Musk. But it is voters that empowered Congress and 47 and Musk.

The lack of care for individuals, these people showed, should not surprise me. They were ok with thousands of people losing their jobs and health insurance. They were ok with the impersonal way these people are being let go. They were happy with the fear that some of us feel. They considered anyone that disagreed with them garbage and felt free to say it in all sorts of nasty ways. I didn’t comment because I knew they couldn’t hear me. The inalienable right of every man to pursue their happiness was irrelevant to anyone but themselves.

As we watch our scientists lose their jobs and funding, I wonder if anyone with the power has considered that this investment in future knowledge is part of our culture and power. That our reach for science compels us to find answers for illness and technology that also creates relationships even with our enemies. As we isolate ourselves from a world that we helped create on a global scale, this sudden rejection is not going to make us better or great. As our Congress allows our president to run his mouth, unchecked, one day the other countries will get sick of the stress he brings and we can only wonder when war, which our country had been able to keep off our shores for a very long time, might just come to meet us and there will be no one to help us.

I know that all presidents reject executive orders and projects of previous presidents, but the extent that 47 has done this is extreme. Someone asked me about what I thought about the pipeline project that Biden stopped and laid off workers, that Trump had begun when he was 45. But in actuality, that project was begun when Obama was president and before they could get too far, testing showed that the pipeline would poison the waters that the pipeline would be under. It would affect the fish, animals and people that were around that water, so it was stopped by Obama. 45 started it again because he doesn’t care about our environment or our health. When Biden got into office, the same testing happened with the same results that were found when Obama was in office were estimated and Biden put a stop to the project. At the time, there were no definite numbers as to how many jobs the pipeline would create during the build, but they were only temporary jobs. In the end there would only be 50 jobs created to maintain the pipeline, once the project was completed. This, by far, is a much smaller number that the hundreds of thousands of jobs that have been lost and will continue to be cut because of 47’s crusade to make government smaller, even if we need those government workers.

This same person asked me about nurses, doctors and state, local and federal workers that lost their jobs because they refused to be vaccinated for COVID-19. This was an easy response because I have voiced my opinion many times that my rights are superseded by my responsibility to my neighbors to be vaccinated, because the bible says I must love my neighbor as myself, without prejudice. Since I am not allergic and have no medical reason that stops me from being vaccinated, I am up to date on all my vaccines. As a medical professional, I would expect all my medical team to follow the same standard I do. People that work in the medical field or want to work for the government, unless they have a medical reason for not getting vaccinated must live to a different standard as the general public. If they don’t like it, they should have picked a different job.

I don’t really have an answer for all of this. When she shares her information with me, we often disagree, so we are good at agreeing to disagree, because we love each other.

Except for religion, which I believe should never touch politics, government was needed to create balance in schools where states would not or could not. Without government help, some children have no chance of rising above their situation. As far as helping the poor, a healthy working class creates a healthy tax payer, better parents and more stability in society; it adds to the economy when people spend that money on bills, groceries and goods.

The defunding of research not only holds us back from reaching for the answers we need for the future but the relationships we had with other scientists in other countries. The fact that 47 has referred to himself as the king is unconstitutional and confusing to other countries. The fact that he will raise tariffs on Canada and Mexico in a few days, our biggest trading partners, will either be the biggest mistake 47 has ever made or maybe just another error, we will see. 47 has blatantly lied and said that Ukraine started the war with Russia when we all know it was Putin, all along. 47 has tried to erase all transgender people from existence, that is at least 1.4 million people. He is also making it so that businesses can’t choose to use diversity, equality and inclusion practices without fear of the government coming down on them. He has cut off communication between the CDC and the United States people during a break out of the bird flu, measles and flu so we have to rely on the media. He has also provided a long list of words that you can’t use when applying for grants or you will automatically be denied. Some of these words are: woman, black, trauma, victim…just to name a few. This is just a short list of what 47 has done; there is actually a lot more he has done. It has been a very fruitful month for 47.

Someone did question my christianity. I do not call myself a christian. That word has been ruined by people that have not spent enough time reading the Word or have warped it to suit their own purposes. I am a Jesus follower. I am not perfect, but I try to follow Jesus with all my heart and sometimes that causes me to say things people don’t want to hear. Which is probably just one of many reason that I don’t think that politics and religion should mix. I don’t believe I have the right to tell someone how to live their life and I certainly don’t want you to tell me how to live mine.

I am trying to be fair and relate to others. But to be honest it is hard not to be scared.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

Holy Fire

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 18, 2025 | Poetry, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving

It is hard to think with my human mind
Sometimes my spirit is on fire
And I can’t imagine how to move
The direct path is hard to see

Those who live in the spirit
Cannot be judged
They cannot be understood
By those who live in the flesh

It is only God that knows
Where I am going
Where we are going
My arms are tired from holding them up

The champions that are fighting
Must see that someone is for them
So here I stand with my arms stretched out
I am a beacon of light

So many have left love behind
They seek human made things
For validation
For power
For life
But none of this will stand up to fire and brimstone

Only LOVE will survive the holy fire
So I stand here
Because the warriors are winning
Even if it doesn’t look like it

They Can’t Teach You Anything Else

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 16, 2025 | Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving

My heart hurts so much for the persecution that people have been going through and are going through at the hands of people proclaiming to be christians. White people. I used to be one of them, by proxy, but luckily for me, one day, God spoke to me and said, “It’s time to leave. They can’t teach you anything else.”

I cried with God today. I asked Him why He chose 47. Why He lets christian nationalists persecute people for being Queer or Transgender or Native or Black or Latin or Asian or Women or Disabled or any other group that has been othered. He loves all His creation; even if we are wrong, the bible says God leaves us to our depravity. And He said that is what He is doing. I knew He was talking about the white cisgender male christian nationalists, with all my heart.

The God I know doesn’t work in the ways we always understand because He is Spirit and He knows and sees and hears every aspect; we cannot possibly understand everything He understands. He is love in a way most of us cannot comprehend because it is free of condemnation, ulterior motives or evil in any way. I can understand being afraid of Him because conservative christians tell us we are going to hell for any human act, yet that isn’t what Jesus taught. He taught us to love God with everything you have and love your neighbor as yourself, without exception. This requires humility, the same humility that some christian nationalists say is weak. But humility is what is required to love someone as yourself. To have empathy for someone who is different from you.

Jesus said if you want to be first, you must put yourself last. If you do this God will lift you up. This is not what 47 is doing. This is not what people that are hungry for power are doing. This not what people that are condemning are doing.

Jesus said if you are being persecuted, to know that He was persecuted first. Even if you have never considered Jesus, or you have, and became disenfranchised for any number of reasons, know you have something in common with Him. People hated Him because He loved people and He was true to His beliefs even though the church and government persecuted Him. He never stopped speaking His truth.

Christian nationalists are not following the same God and Jesus I do. Their god is judgmental and ready to send sinners to hell. My God has planned for our salvation before the creation of the world because He was excited to love us and be in a relationship with us. Why would a God like that want to condemn us? My God is creative and has expressed His creativity in this amazing world but also in the individual differences of all of us, that are all made in His image. Why would He create you in His image, if He didn’t love you?

Christian nationalists have warped and misunderstood the bible, their religion and even their responsibility to love us all. They are the depraved. We must continue being strong, supporting each other, loving each other, enjoying our differences and being thankful for each other. Be strong. Be blessed. And when you can’t be strong, remember, you are not alone; grab someone’s hand and borrow their strength.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My Jesus Story

by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 20, 2025 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I want to share my personal account with you about my God; the Father of Jesus. This is not something that I want to force you to read or make you feel anything negative about so if this is not your type of topic, I won’t be offended if you don’t read it, or you don’t believe me, but I have not copied any of this from anyone else. I don’t go to church, so I am not under the influence of any human doctrine. It is just my Jesus story.

I was raised in a family that believed in God. But it was kind of a fire and brimstone belief. That is not what I believe.

I have always spent a lot of time alone. One day, I was playing under the apple trees in my backyard; my favorite place to be. I was 5. I knew I was suddenly not alone. Jesus was with me. After that, unless I forgot, which is a very human thing to do, I was never alone. Although I didn’t always understand it, I went through phases where I would spend hours in the bible; especially the words in red.

Because my parents divorced when I was young and my father wasn’t around, my mother expected a lot out of me, since I was her oldest child. I didn’t know how to do most things that were expected of me but Jesus was My Friend. He taught me many things. My whole life, I have asked Jesus for help and I would either suddenly have a great idea or later I would have a dream and wake up knowing how to do something I had never done before.

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church, with all its blessings and limitations. When I was 20 years old, I heard the voice of God, that still small voice, for the first time. God told me it was time to leave. This church had taught me all they could teach me.

I had never really rebelled as a teenager, like most kids do. I didn’t have time. I had a house, siblings, school and 3 part time jobs that I was responsible for. At 20, I was struggling and as I was starting to express some individuality and experiment with small amounts of alcohol, cannabis and hair color. The response was to shun me, not love me. But God knew me. God knew I would never enjoy anything beyond the hair color for very long. I enjoy sobriety. I am wired that way. God also knew I had gifts that I needed help with that needed a different kind of belief.

I found myself at a nondenominational church that was related to a vineyard church. I was drawn in by the couple with Mohawks near the door and the amazing music. I was intimidated by the groups of people speaking in tongues, or shaking and quaking but I loved watching the dancers and when I was almost ready to leave because this seemed to be too much, the pastor seemed to look me in the eye, from the pulpit, and say I belonged here and wasn’t it wonderful that God could be expressed in so many different ways, so freely?

I stayed there for 5 years learning things that were helpful. Things about the spiritual realm that I had experienced all my life, but could not put into words or didn’t know anyone that could help me understand before this. Some things were useful. Some things were not, but I learned to discern the difference, not from them, but from Jesus. He was still My Friend and Teacher.

When I was 25 years old I realized I was a 20 year old Christian but I felt like a toddler. I wanted to be fed, not just by the milk that the teachers at church gave, but the meat that the bible talks about. I had been failed by humans my whole life and I wanted God to prove The Word was true.

I told God I would not go to church or read the bible until it was proven to me. I don’t recommend this to everyone. It was a risky proposition. But God was faithful. I can’t prove it to anyone but me, but one by one, God proved that God was the author and finisher of my faith.

I visit churches now, but I have not found one that offers the relationship I have with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Humans, even in their good intentions, mess things up. Politics and human nature can be our worst enemies.

I do read my bible though. Almost every day. I have read it all the way through, I don’t know how many times. Each time, I learn something new. I am encouraged. I learn more about, not only my God but myself. I learn to be objective and I learn to love.

I know that in the bible times there were many gods that were worshiped and many of them may have been aspects of My God because it was believed to even say Yahweh (the Hebrew name for God) was to own God and that was not accepted. Instead of being brave and choosing to follow one God, they broke God into pieces and worshiped God in parts. This is what made God so angry, although God did understand. That is why God had already planned to send Jesus, God’s Son, God in human form to the world so Jesus could relate to us and us to Him and He could give His life as the final sacrifice for all sin and the temples could become places of praise and worship, instead of the slaughter houses they actually were.

It has never occurred to me to learn much about other gods. This is only because no other god has ever chosen me. No other god has come to me and introduced me to themselves; they did not teach me anything, love me or help me in anyway. I am curious about other religions, only in the way that I want to respect other people and their beliefs.

Just as much as I want you to let me have my beliefs. I want to let you have yours. I hope we are both secure in ourselves and our beliefs that we can communicate in respect for each other and even learn from each other. It is my responsibility to love you and this responsibility is greater than any rights that any law a human can give me. If God has chosen you, God will change your mind.

This is my story and my truth.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Loss and Tragedy Are Always Loss and Tragedy

by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 15, 2025 | Opinions, Politics, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I was scrolling Facebook and saw several posts where people had decided that the fire in California was God’s wrath or it was fine that part of the United States is on fire because the people in that area generally have money. At first I was mortified because I can’t imagine feeling that much hate and judgement towards people I don’t know, but now I just feel sad.

Loss and tragedy are always loss and tragedy. Many of us know people that have lost something, whether it is a loved one, a beloved pet, a place we once went to for fun or relaxation, a job we once relied on, a home we enjoyed or a place we planned to go to. There is wildlife that have lost their homes and lives. There are vulnerable individuals that are still vulnerable. Not everyone in California is wealthy.

The most shocking posts were the ones that blame politicians. I mean how do you blame humans for fire and wind? Or the late rain?

There are firefighters from Canada, Mexico and Africa (and maybe more that I have missed) that found value in us, enough to come help us, but our own citizens, can hate us. I am so thankful for every helper! Every penny and resource donated and every prayer and good thought sent.

Those same people that have decided where God’s wrath should go, I feel sorry for them.

If you want to donate:

The Salvation Army Los Angeles Central Corps
The Red Cross Los Angeles S. Mark Taper Foundation Headquarters

Thank you for your love and kindness. It is contagious. Be well.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Sometimes Yesterday Is Right Now

by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 18, 2024 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community, Wellness

I got triggered by Father’s Day. I didn’t realize it was Father’s Day before I went on Facebook and saw all the great posts everyone had for their dads. I write about my journey to celebrate my steps and share what I have learned with others that might benefit from my path. I have PTSD and sometimes yesterday is right now but I have new tools.

The episode didn’t actually start on Sunday but had started earlier. Pride usually reminds me of several things that make me feel loss and I work through them. I assume that most of my extended family doesn’t even realize how their actions have affected me and how my mind has created connections through Pride Month; it only makes sense to me and isn’t even fair to include them so I forgive because it isn’t anything they actually did. But the tenderness was already there when I saw the pictures of women with their dads, dancing, fishing, doing puzzles, gardening, cooking or any other relationship building activity.

The most recent reason my extended family is not in my life is that when I needed answers, no one could give me answers that made me feel peace, joy, safety and loved so I left them behind me. I never had success when I was around them so I needed to leave them. Love was not enough. It is my fault I am not in their lives. It was my choice. I do not choose to bad mouth them. They are successful with each other. I was the one that didn’t fit. I found other people that had no problem with my needs.

This truth does not erase my history. I still have PTSD. Once I realized that the emotions I was feeling were not reliable or even recent, I needed to listen to them before they leaked out on an innocent bystander. By the time I was really aware of them they were a big red ball of emotions, mostly anger and hatred toward two people. I have forgiven them so many times. These things are old. I was sitting with God, knowing that I had already forgiven these things. I knew I didn’t hold this against them anymore. My goal was peace. So I began reminding myself of what is true today: They are just people. They are not perfect. They have their own traumas. They have done the best they could. They don’t benefit from my anger and hatred.

I felt the ball of emotions begin to shift as I reminded myself that I don’t want this. I don’t benefit from these emotions anymore. I want them to do well. I want them to be blessed. I want them to have a good life. I want God to love them.

I am going to be honest. I don’t like one of them. It took me almost 30 years to be honest with myself that I hated them. I had to say that so I could forgive myself for that hatred. I don’t hate them anymore but I don’t trust them and I don’t like them and I refuse to have them in my life. It is hard to be loving toward someone you feel that way about. But removing my emotions, I know that my anger and hatred does not benefit anyone that they are around that I love. Those emotions don’t help me either.

The ball of emotions had become very manageable.

It is not always easy to forgive or pray for the people in our past. But it gets easier. It isn’t about those people that once had so much say in our lives. It is about letting them go so we can have peace.

This is a hard article to write. There is a part of me that still wants to tattle. She is many ages of Summer, but I am in control and I am a lady. I am here and I want to see my readers get well and I don’t think telling on people will make anyone feel better. In reality it never made me feel better. I think that sharing what I have learned is what actually helps me move forward.

There are many paths to wellness. For me, medication and therapy, several types, has been a life saver for me. I think everyone should see a therapist for at least a period of time in their life. We can all use more tools to help us use our words and our minds to help us process what the world throws at us. I do know, for me, I would not be here without my relationship with God. God has always turned me in the right direction and spoken truths to me when I was ready to hear them. As I leaned into Them, I learned more and especially gained that peace, joy, safety and love I was looking for.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

But God

by Summer D Clemenson | May 9, 2024 | Poetry, Prayers & Thanksgiving, Queer Community

It was supposed to be warm and sunny today
but in my dream it was snowing
The silence was not available because
you were there to judge as always
You hate me because I am gay
I wanted to call you a slut
because the man you are married to
is not your first
but he is a preacher so his degree frees your tongue
You forget we have all fallen short
and require the grace of God

I left you because my tears were starting to freeze on my face
because I loved you best

Guarding the door
you stood with your rocks and knives
they all had collected for you
You threw a couple but
I slipped in another door
I know you hate yourself and me
but I don’t know why

You were tending you wounds
while your mother told lies and smoked cigarettes
and put them out in her daughter’s arm
If you could get away
If you could get away

I was supposed to go to school
but I didn’t know which box in the garage was mine
I had missed so many days I was overwhelmed
by what it might take to catch up
I have always been left behind
but God

God woke me from the nightmare
He chose me and loved me
He showed me that He was always with me
and with you
and I didn’t have to live in your house
to love you
He made boundaries because I am human
I am not God
I have limits
But I can pray and I don’t have to judge
in response to yours
I can love from my place in Him

Lack of Self-Discipline Betrays Passions

by Summer D Clemenson | May 2, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

College is a time when we are supposed to learn to think. We often learn more about ourselves and figure out where we stand politically. For many of us, it is the first time we see ourselves separately from our families enough to be able to decide where we stand on a lot of issues. Protests are normal on campuses. Right now, campuses are seeing a lot of unrest and causing clashes with police and shut down classes. Some of the incidents are anti-semitic. Some students want their college to cut ties with any businesses that are profiting off the war with Hamas. Many students want to see a ceasefire between Israel and Palestine.

The problem we have with these protests, is not that they are happening. The United States was created because we protested the way we were being treated by England. It is the foundation of who we are to protest when we see something we want to see changed, to say something, but we are not leaving room for others to disagree peacefully. We are not remaining noncombatant. That is where the police have the right to come in and arrest people. That is where injuries happen. Violence has become the expectation.

The sad part is that it is not just college students that are vandalizing college campuses and endangering people that intend to be peaceful. Many times outside groups are showing up and changing the dynamics of these protests.

Lack of self-discipline betrays passions.

This is where I try to live, but I can’t say that I understand the world I live in. I read The Old Testament and I can’t say I understand it completely clearly either. God is very different before Jesus came to offer grace and salvation.

I have read a lot about the war in Gaza. I don’t understand what it must be like to live in the Middle East. Even when war is ceased, it could happen at any moment. The unrest must be stifling. There are whole groups of people that do not accept that Jesus is the Son of God and they are still held to the standards of the laws in The Torah, or The Old Testament, as I know it. Those standards are impossible and that is why God sent Jesus for anyone that would accept Him. This is easy for me to accept, because that is what I have believed for most of my life, but there are people in Israel that only live by The Torah, in fact, their only job, to study The Torah.

The expectations of their life must be so different than mine. There are some great stories in The Old Testament, but there is a lot of war and lamenting and law in there too.

I have made no opinions about this war because I have nothing to base my opinion on. The people in Israel live such a different life than I do. They have different expectations, beliefs and purposes than I do. The government in Palestine is not strong, they have allowed Hamas to take over and keep them in destitution and control their people. Israel does not want to control them but they don’t want to be terrorized by them either and both countries share religious sites but access is not permitted. There is no peace and no one to lead them to peace. Historically they are brothers but they hate each other.

A long time ago I made peace with the concept that I will never be able to understand everything about God. It is easy for me to file some things under this belief. But I am still concerned because death of innocents is always sad. Pointing fingers always ends up back in my direction because judging does that. So following the money will bring us home and that makes me feel sick.

All I can do is pray. I do know, and I apply this belief in more than one scenario, that God loves His creation. He loves each of us and we are never without Him. I know that He is with us and comforts us to the end so even though it hurts my heart to hear of the deaths of civilians and the mourning of families, I know that God is there too. Because He knew that when he created humans He knew that our lack of self-discipline would always betray our passions.

Arrests roil campuses nationwide ahead of graduation as protesters demand Israel ties be cut by Carolyn Thompson and Margery Beck for Associated Press, Sunday April 28, 2024
What the pro-Palestinian protesters on college campuses actually want by Matt Egan and Ramishah Maruf for CNN, Friday April 26, 2024

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

Help Jamie Holloway Communicate

by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 18, 2024 | Local Interests, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

Most of you know my sister,Jamie Holloway. I mention her all the time. She is my best friend and my adopted sister. She is a huge inspiration to me and so many other people because of her strength and her drive to live as well as she can with some pretty scary chronic illnesses. If it wasn’t for her I would be miserable and not know what to do about it. But she chooses joy as much as she can. She chooses wellness and pro-activity as often as possible. She educates herself and those around her, every chance she gets.

When you are chronically ill and can’t work, it is hard to make ends meet. I am lucky that I have a hard working wife. I am lucky that we are able to make Jamie part of our monthly budget because she doesn’t have much left after her rent is paid. Jamie is lucky that there are a few of us that make up her team that keep things going but it is hard when things like her laptop or cell phone die. We are all managing our budgets.

Jamie is needing some help with her electronics. If you can help with a few dollars, towards these things it would bring so much happiness to her, just in time for her birthday May 21st. We are asking for $1000 to cover the cost of her communication devices and maybe a shelf for her bedroom wall. If we all pitch in, she will be one happy 50 year old!

Please click to learn more about the GoFundMe we set up for her.

When she gets her new laptop, I might have to give her blog at JamieChasesButterflies.com a facelift…she looks a lot different now. 🙂

Thank you for loving Jamie!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Want My Life to be Less Transactional

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 15, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the word, transactional, is an adjective that describes something that is related to buying and selling. For instance, transactional charges are fees that are associated with their purchase. Transactional can also be associated with relationships and this happens when each person in the relationship does things for the other person, expecting something done for them in return. As long as they get something in return, they are willing to give their time and resources at some point in the future. Transactional relationships are very beneficial at work, where you are earning your pay, but in more personal relationships, often times, if this is the main type of dynamic in your relationship, there is little room for meaningful connection. I want my life to be less transactional.

I was doing my bible study and this verse made me think of a time I was in Seattle with my father. We were on the pier. There were lots of vendors and we were on our way to somewhere, I don’t remember. There was a homeless man that wanted my father to say hello to him, but he ignored him. This made him angry. As my entire family followed my father and walked by him, I could feel his shame and anger get bigger. I could feel that so big. I was one of the last in the line of my extended family and as I came closer to him, I smiled at him and said hello. Immediately, he calmed down and smiled back.

When we were closer to the car, my father began berating me for speaking to the man. But I wouldn’t be put in my place. I put my father in his place. I was firm. I told him, he was wrong. All that man wanted was easy to give. He wanted to be seen, and I saw him.

I understand that my father was afraid of what the man could have done. But I was not. I knew Jesus was with me. I have come to understand that there were many things in my life that my extended family was not strong enough to walk through with me and it was better to let them go. Their fears only made it harder for me to be brave.

But there was more. The love I was raised with was more transactional than natural. If I was the good girl that served them, I was allowed some grace. But their grace only lasted as long as they wanted. My parents needed their needs met more than they knew how to take care of mine and they expected me to take care of them first.

The disadvantages of transactional relationships are:

Shallow interaction
Feeling undervalued
Short-sighted with little loyalty and commitment
Lack of safety

When I tried to talk about these things with my father, I was told that I was the only one with the problem so I was the problem. When I tried to talk to my mother, I was told that it wasn’t true and I was making this up. I had seen my aunt do this to my mother, while I was growing up too. Because I had been the one to have to care for my sisters, starting at 9 years old, I did not have a regular relationship with them. They had been taught by my parents to emotionally abuse me. I didn’t have any support and so they got the absolute worst of me. Now I know I had mental illness, neurodivergence, untreated chronic migraines, unbalanced hormones, insulin resistance and maybe even the beginning of fibromyalgia at a young age, I was a mess and I was trying to be a good girl with no help. I don’t blame my family for this. We didn’t have the words for these conditions back when I was growing up but compassion would have been nice, even when I started getting diagnosed and that never happened.

The most joy I ever experienced was when my siblings had children. In some ways things got easier because many of the stresses of a blended family got quieter as we decided to let some of the old things go. It wasn’t easier for me. I was still ignored and left out but when I showed up, I loved my nephews and nieces. I loved to play with them, listen to them and talk to them. They enjoyed me too. I let the other stuff go because it was easy to ignore everything else and just fall in love with these amazing people that just loved me.

But then in 2014 I got really sick and ended up in the hospital. It changed me. It broke something in me that kept me strong enough to be the good girl and take whatever they expected me to take. I needed to be myself and I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t want any of the disadvantages of transactional relationships anymore. I married Karen G Clemenson and she was seeing what I had been talking about and couldn’t understand why these people were so dismissive and blatantly abusive towards me. They would call and terrorize me over the phone and after visits I would be in bed for days and she would beg me to eat and take my meds. My therapists had told me I needed to separate them from my life. These people were hurting me.

Finally I made the choice to take a break. I know it is close to the anniversary of this first choice because I have been having lots of nightmares lately. I had never intended it to become permanent but it has become obvious to me that it must be. When you don’t believe there is anything wrong with your behavior, you aren’t going to change, even if you think you love someone. My extended family doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with their behavior. So I am taking my father’s advice. If I am the problem then I must go away. I have asked him to let me go and I mean it. I don’t want anything from him. My mother says she doesn’t understand why I don’t want her in my life but I have told her if she will go to therapy I will consider a relationship with her, she is just in denial.

I didn’t remove them from my life to hurt them. I removed them from my life to protect myself.

What I want more than anything is for them to see what it would take for us to grow. Years ago I realized that I was abusing a dear friend because we were both abused as children. My friend needed to be abused and I needed to abuse someone. As much as I loved them, I would hear myself say terrible things to them when I was visiting them. By the time I would be driving home, I would hate myself. We were both in therapy and I realized that we were fulfilling a role that was unhealthy and we separated for a few years while we dealt with ourselves and now we have an honest and loving relationship. We give freely to each other out of love and not because we need to fill some gross need that was taught to us by someone that was wrong.

And the reason this has all come up? The last few weeks I have started a new Facebook account. It doesn’t have all the blocked pages that make me feel safe and Facebook knows who I should be connected to. I didn’t mind Facebook suggesting my youngest sibling to me. Or my oldest. The profile picture of my father’s wife’s Facebook account bothers me because that is what they looked like when things were the worst but I let it go…it was the profile of my first niece. She is gorgeous. I had to look at her pictures. She is engaged to be married. I am so happy for her. My heart bursts with joy for her and I wish I could hug her and tell her this in person but she is collateral damage. These beautiful children are not children anymore and I hoped that when they were adults they could make their own choices and reach out to me but they have been told, what they have been told. I know not to interfere.

So the only transaction I will make regarding this beautiful woman and her cousins is with Jesus in my prayers.

But in my current relationships, I don’t hold on like I used to. I love in the moment, expecting nothing in return. It works better for me. I was raised, keeping a ledger and that has only made me tired. I was taught that I had to talk to everyone about Jesus, but I have watched people become afraid at the sight of a cross on my neck so I stopped wearing them. When people ask me about the beads on my wrists, I tell them that God is in His creation and then I tell them what my intentions are for these beads. Its a good conversation starter. I don’t believe that the beads themselves do anything, but God, in HIs wisdom, does what He plans…and I think the beads are pretty. I have learned to listen for when people aren’t interested or when Jesus wants me to say less or something else. This seems to work better for me. Sometimes I am really surprised at what comes out of my mouth.

One of the points that Bob made in the bible study I was reading was that Jesus gave freely. He didn’t feed people and then ask them to pray with Him. Jesus didn’t heal people and then ask them to do anything in return. Jesus just loved because that is His nature. That is the way I want to live. I want to love because I have the energy and desire to love and when I am tired or I don’t have resources, I want to go home and reload. When Jesus got tired, He spent time with God in prayer. That is what we are supposed to do. That is how you give freely. You give what you have. It doesn’t have to be transactional if you give from your abundance and then go home.

Giving what you have to give works for all kinds of relationships because many of us have scars and hurts that are in their own timing of healing. I have a friend that wants to call me friend but they don’t return my messages. They want me to come to their shows. Even though I have explained that my wife works 3 jobs and I don’t want to go out alone and I would prefer to do other things, they need the validation other ways. They have been hurt really bad by personal relationships and like the shining lights and protection of the stage. I understand this but I can’t give it to them. So I give them what I can. Maybe one day they will be ready for more personal time or I will be ready for the bright lights and large groups but for now, I pray for them. The love is still there. It is still very real. It is what I have. It doesn’t deny them their needs and freedom, but I am not feeling some of the feelings I might have felt that they couldn’t give me what I needed, because I have learned to get what I need from Jesus.

Another relationship I had to let go because they were abusive to me. We would come together and at some point they would dump me. Because I loved them, I would forgive them and re-engage. It was a similar pattern I had learned from my extended family. But at some point I came to a realization that I didn’t want to be abused anymore. Even though I loved them, and sometimes they acted like they loved me, I realized that more than not, our relationship was always on their terms. I decided that I wanted more than that and when I talked to them about that, I also realized that they were always comparing me to them, even about things I could do nothing about. I gave them a wide berth because they were dealing with their mental illness and I was proud of them but I was aware that I needed to take care of myself too. In our last communication they told me they didn’t want to know me. So I listened to their words and let them go. I still pray for them when I think about them. I want them to have happiness, health and goodness in their life, but when they send me messages, I don’t reply because I have made the decision to not be abused anymore. I have learned to place people that I can’t have in my life in the hands of Jesus.

In my last conversations with my siblings I told them I had nothing for them. I was done. I still love them but I have given all I have for them. When I think of them I hope they have what they want in life, hope, love and joy. I am sometimes sad because I wish I had loving relationships with them and I mourn the few times that were joyful but the trust is gone and relationship has been comatose for many years. I am sure they have their own pain. We were all raised the same way. So many transactions. All I can do is place them in Jesus’ arms.

Jesus is not transactional. He loves everyone. He doesn’t get tired. He doesn’t run out of resources. He knows what to do always. I am supposed to give freely, not out of my lack. I don’t stop loving, I have stopped giving when I have nothing more to give. I have learned when to let people stay in the rear view mirror so I can move forward to new opportunities that were created by Jesus for each new day. This is how to live without transactions but to live freely. When we let people abuse us, it is too easy to allow our relationships to become transactional. I want my life to be less transactional. I want my life to be free.

You don’t get what you want by waiting for it to come to you most of the time. Most of life is about making choices. This has been a hard and very important lesson.

Live in Grace Walk in Love A 365 Day Journey by Bob Goff, page 69, Nelson Books, 2019
Transactional Relationships: The Link Between Reciprocity and Co Connection Is it bad when the give – and – take drives everything? By Kendra Cherry, MSEd and Medically Reviewed by Ra Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS for VeryWell Mind on February 24, 2024

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

When Christ’s Name Is On Something It Should Mean Something

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 6, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

A couple of weeks ago I was inspired to write my editorial article: I Do Not Believe The United States Should Label Itself a Christian Nation. After sharing it with my wife, who has similar, but different beliefs than I do, I realized that maybe I should go deeper to explain why I feel this way, so strongly. It is not just a feeling for me, but a core belief, fueled by my regard for Christ. I believe that Christ’s name should be revered much more than it usually is. I believe the word Christian should be revered much more than it usually is. When Christ’s name is on something, it should mean something. If you are not a Christian or if you have been hurt by people who have been misled or are using that name of Jesus in the wrong way, this title can do more harm than good.

Wikipedia says that Christianity is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus. It is the world’s largest and most widespread religion, with roughly 2.4 billion followers, comprising around 31.2% of the world population. Of course there is a ton if variation beyond this statement because cultures and denominations create differences of beliefs and traditions. The Greek word Christianos, meaning, “follower of Christ” comes from Christos, meaning “anointed one,” with an adjective ending borrowed from Latin to mean belonging to. So a Christian is a a follower of Christ or someone that belongs to Christ.

But being a Christian means something different to so many people. In fact some people have such a skewed view of what being a Christian is that I don’t think they are actually Christians and those people make many of us look bad. I don’t want to gossip or backbite here because that makes God sad and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I often feel uncomfortable because I hear those things happen so much. In fact that is what I hated the most about the churches I have spent the most time in. We should be sharing information to pray for and edify each other but often, that is not what we are doing when we are talking to each other at church and it makes me sad and angry.

I could say that the politics around religion has gotten bad all of the sudden but I read through the gospel of John this last week and I realized that Jesus’ crucifixion was completely a political thing, so politics in church is not a new thing, I just didn’t realize it has always been there until now. Of course Christ’s death was also part of His divine plan to save believers and Jesus blatantly gave His life in every way He could. Time and time again, every chance He had to save Himself, He gave Himself to us and for that I am thankful. But just because we aren’t good at separating church and state, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try harder in order to recognize the foundation of our country’s origin: religious freedom. I believe that religious freedom means that we are all free to practice our choice of religion without persecution, which means that I need to give you room to disagree with me and have your own religion and not force my beliefs on you. Hopefully we can talk freely about our beliefs because that is how we might get to know each other without the stress of trying to “save” each other, but with the goal of understanding each other.

I spent a lot of time alone when I was growing up and even now. When I was 5 years old, I was in my backyard, under the apple trees and Jesus came to me and introduced Himself to me. From that moment on, I was never alone. Even when I didn’t know I was not alone, He was with me. Even when I forgot about Him, the Holy Spirit was with me. I have always enjoyed reading my bible and learning from people more wise than myself. There have always been times that I couldn’t hear certain messages and now I know that was God, hedging me in, so that I wouldn’t get confused by bad messages. God chose me and He has taught me many things. I have learned to hear His voice and to obey. When I was 25 years old, something in me thought I wasn’t as mature as I should be. I told God I was a 20 year old Christian but I felt like a toddler. So I challenged Him. My car had broke down and I had no way to get to church. No one missed me until it was my turn to dress the communion table. So I told God to prove His promises. I stayed away from church and waited for Him to teach me. He proved His promises and I grew faster than ever. It was so much easier to hear Him without the distractions of other people.

It has been 23 years and I haven’t been a able to find a church that I fit in. The humanity is too much for me. The showcasing or dogma or need for attention or the Pharisees stop me from wanting to return.

What I expect from churches is growth. I expect the people in the church to be better but when I visit them they are the same. I don’t need to be fed. I only need fellowship and worship. God will lead me to tithe if this is my home. He will lead me to serve when He has created the opportunity. I don’t need to be asked by church leaders. When I come to church I expect to see homeless in the congregation and people being ministered to randomly and the body moving but instead I find the same white, cookie cutter services with people that mean well but are held down by dogma or the need to perform for their ego’s sake and it makes me want to stay home and study by myself and pray by myself and give and act on the moments that God creates for me. It doesn’t make church valuable to me because no one has ever followed me home or even called until I missed my turn to serve them. This is why so many people are turned off by church; the lack of authenticity.

I saw an article the other day that explained some of the beliefs of Christian nationalists and it made me so sad that a group of people that supposedly believe in Jesus, think they should be treated special because of their beliefs; that they should have say in our government, economics, culture, education, media, arts and entertainment with the goal of power and conquest. These same people will vote in a person like Donald Trump, who does not embody any of the characteristics the bible tells us to look for in leadership but they want him because he will punish the people that are bad, he supports conspiracy theories and ideas that distract United States citizens from what is really important. They aren’t looking for a leader, they are looking for a bully that will break the United States so they can rebuild it the way they want it.

I know I am just one person. I am a woman that loves Jesus. Jesus did not like politicians when He was with us. He did not like the Pharisees. He loved them but He did not speak to them in words they could understand. He was not here for them. The rules and regulations had become of more importance to the Pharisees than the people, and that was why Jesus was here. He was here to tell the people about the love of God. He was here to show us mercy and forgiveness and healing. He was here to leave the Holy Spirit here for us to teach us God’s truth that our humanity, that seeks after lust, pride and greed was going to lead us nowhere but His love, mercy and truth would lead us to life.

Jesus was humble and He told us to serve others. He said specifically that those who wanted to be first, would be last. So I know that the beliefs of the Christian nationalists are based on confusion. The bible says that where there is confusion, that is not where God is and we must pray for these people. As true believers we can not place ourselves above anyone else. We are here to serve freely, not until we are angry and tired, but with the abundance that God gives us, so if it is too much for you, it is not your time, you need to rest. But if you have energy for this, please join me in praying for clarity in the hearts of the chosen and peace and joy to abound through Jesus Christ in His believers so that we can share it with everyone.

As believers Jesus’ name is written on us. We are important to Him. Each one of us is His church. We mean something. We don’t need a building or a body of believers to edify us. We need a relationship with Jesus. We need time in the word to learn His ways and how to hear the Holy Spirit guiding us toward truth and life. If we are able to find that in a group of believers that meets in a building, we are truly blessed, but you are also able to do this alone, or with a friend over coffee, or with a stranger on the street, or the librarian as you check out a book or with anyone that God puts in your path. You mean something. You make a difference. Be the church wherever you are. Don’t let the rules get in the way. Let God speak to you and through you. Learn His voice and obey. You can inspire the world.

Jesus changed the world and He said we would do greater than He. Let Him shine through you.

Be blessed!

Christianity by Wikipedia staff
Christians by Wikipedia staff
Tracing the rise of Christian nationalism, from Trump to the Ala. Supreme Court by Terry Gross for NPR, February 29, 2024

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Feel So Blessed

by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 4, 2024 | Cancer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

February was a hard month but it wasn’t without blessings and I feel so blessed!

As many of you know since October 2021 I have been dealing with the fact that I Have Cancer. It has been a long road with much self-searching, changes in diet and lifestyle and even in who I allow into my life. The cancer I have is endometrial cancer and it is slow growing. It is level one and hasn’t grown. I am thankful for this. The treatments have not killed the cancer but the cancer has not metastasized or gotten worse in any way. During this 2 1/2 year period, I am not sure how many D&Cs I have had to gather biopsies to check how we are doing. I need a hysterectomy but my weight is an issue. It has taken a while to figure out how to help my body lose weight. With all the other medications I take, including the treatment for the cancer I have, that causes weight gain, this has been hard, but we are finally having success.

I had my latest D&C early in February and my post-op meeting with my oncologist last week. She was so happy to tell me that my cancer has shrunk. I have been thinking about this and letting it sink in. I have been resigned to the idea that most of my illnesses are chronic and won’t go away and it is odd to me that there is a reality that one of my diagnosis’s will go away. That there will be medications that I won’t take forever. That we are getting closer to the finish line for cancer. That I can begin planning for other things to come in my wellness plan. I am so thankful!

Also I wrote that I Was Locked Out of My Facebook Account. This was very hard for me emotionally. But also financially. I have worked very hard to rebuild my family’s credit history and scores. We have come so far and I was so frustrated. But through diligence, I got the police report filed online and it was accepted, my bank disputed the charges and reversed them so I don’t have to pay for the charges and I feel so relieved. I was so worried about how to pay that bill. We never charge more than we can afford to pay off each month. We have never paid interest on that card and I didn’t want to start now. I can’t tell you how much weight this took off my shoulders.

I know that I shouldn’t have let this bother me. I was under medications I don’t usually take. People make mistakes. God is always taking care of me. But I felt shame. I felt guilt. Under normal circumstances I would have never engaged with these thieves but in reality I had been for some time. I trusted too easily and I now I know more. So there are many blessings to be celebrated here.

God took good care of me and guided me to His blessings. I am so grateful!

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Like Things to Be Easy

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 23, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I started a new notebook yesterday. I don’t use anything fancy, just a composition book that I can get for about $.50. I don’t keep them. I don’t re-read them or go through them once I have finished them. But I use them to write down my thoughts with my bible studies. I also take notes for the books I am reading and the random thoughts I have while I am reading. When I am done, I put the information in better places. I rarely keep my writing around on paper. I have lost so many things, I just don’t see a reason to keep it. I like things to be easy.

When I get into the word, I use a format from the last church I attended. They called it SOAP. Each day they have a list of readings. Yesterday I read Jeremiah 18-20, Psalm 93 and John 17. The idea is to read all the parts of the bible on the list and then the scriptures that stand out to you, you are supposed to write down the Scripture, make and Observation, Apply it to your life and and Pray about it.

This scripture is Jesus talking to God. It is coming close to the His time to be captured and crucified and He is becoming more intense. It is scary to follow through with our plans sometimes, especially when it is to die for the world. What caught my attention was that Jesus said He did not pray for the world because they were not given to Him, but only for the ones that were given to Him and were God’s.

This concept that many are called but few are chosen has tripped me up before. I have questioned God before and since I am not going to church right now and I don’t have an elder to question, I only have the Holy Spirit to ask.

I tend to skip scrutinizing scripture before I pray and just jump in with Jesus in prayer. I have seen other people break apart scripture beforehand but I don’t see any reason to leave Him out of the process:

Now the second part of my bible study is whatever devotional I am carrying around at the time. Right now I am using Live in Grace Walk in Love a 365 Day Journey by Bob Goff.

When I read the devotional I tend to read the scripture and treat it the same as the SOAP scripture. I ponder it and let it sink in and pray through it, and then I read what the author has to say about the scripture but I was stumped this time. I found myself saying, “Now what are you talking about Bob?”

When I am this situation I just read what the author was trying to lead me to. Of course that scripture is taking about when Jesus fed the 5,000 with just a few fish and a few loaves of bread and then took up tons of leftovers. Jesus didn’t take a second to differentiate between chosen and unchosen people. He loved and fed everyone that was there. That was the point of the message. And that was the answer to my question about my neighbor.

It is not my job to worry about if my neighbor is chosen or not. It is my job to love them.

Thank You Jesus for making it easy for me to understand.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Do Not Believe The United States Should Label Itself a Christian Nation

by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 19, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I love God and I am thankful that He chose me and I can call myself a Christian. I am also thankful that I was born in The United States because I have freedoms that I would not have in other countries. I appreciate that I live in a country founded on the belief of religious freedom. I believe in the separation of church and state. I think it is a powerful dividing line that is being forgotten as some believers politicize religion more and more for their personal gain. I do not believe that The United States of America should label itself a Christian nation.

Labels can be just a sticker. Anyone that has gone shopping can see that sometimes the sticker can be put on the wrong item. This has happened in a lot of cases. There are many people that do not, or have not read their bibles enough to know what it actually says. They have depended too heavily on people that either have been misguided or have purposefully led them in the wrong direction. The bible has told us many times that the spirit of the antichrist is among us and we must be careful. There is not just one antichrist; there are many and they are willing to take us anywhere they want us to go as long it is far away from the truth of a loving Father that believes and honors our right to choose Him or not. God has told us to love our neighbor. He did not differentiate any neighbor from another, whether they are from another country, from another religion, another political belief, whether their skin is a different color or they can read or not or any other difference between ourself and them. Illegal aliens, immigrants, people who believe in abortion, people that are queer, people that collect guns or not, democrats, republicans, independents or disenfranchised, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Satanists, Atheists, law-abiding citizens and criminals are all our neighbors.

By labeling The United States as a Christian nation we are leaving out some of our best people. That doesn’t mean we can’t be Christians. The bible says we are only responsible for ourselves. We are not going to stand before God on Judgement Day and be responsible for anyone but our self. There are actual passages that say mind your own business and work hard with your hands so you will be happy. So read your bible. Learn about God and work on your relationship with Him and you know what? As a nation we will probably start to look more like a Christian nation. Why? Because when each one of us that loves God, we will be loving our neighbor, feeding our neighbor, clothing our neighbor, just as we would have done for Jesus and all that love will pour over to the next person and as we minister to each other, maybe the love of God will inspire others to love people and maybe show people that loving God is safe and not scary and not a waste of time.

We have spent a lot of time in this country teaching each other to not trust each other. White people have been terrible to Native Americans, Black Folks, Asian people and any other person of color. We have treated immigrants terribly, whether they came from Mexico, Italy, Ireland or any other country because humans tend to believe in the survival of the fittest, but that is not in the bible. The bible tells us to love and care for those who need it. We can’t go back and do anything differently but we can start each day new and love the people in front of us.

There are people that have taken some of the words of the bible and used them to teach us to divide and conquer but that is not what Jesus meant when He said He came to bring division. He was describing what humanity will cause, not what He wanted. The law of humanity is lust, pride and greed. The law of Christ is love, peace and mercy. Without Jesus, I don’t deserve the law of Christ but I am so thankful for it because the law of humanity is not worth the price of damnation in the end or the emotional cost before I get there.

So how do you know if you are following the right advise? Easy. If you see the fruits of the spirit, you are in the right place: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. If you don’t see these things, you are not seeing the law of Christ. You are seeing an antichrist. If you don’t see this in your life, ask God to help you to produce them. He is a good God and wants to give these things to you. He will honor this request. You don’t need fancy words to ask Him. You just ask Him. He knows what you are going to ask Him anyway so you don’t have to put a lot of thought into it.

I recently read a book called How We Love Matters: A Call to Practice Relentless Racial Reconciliation by Albert Tate and he was saying that while we can participate in political parties, we can’t give our allegiance to anyone but Jesus because only Jesus was willing to give His life for us. Political parties have their agendas and they will bend over backwards to make sure you believe them, even lie so you will agree with their perspective. This really resounded in my spirit. It totally helped me understand why I feel about politics the way I do. They have their place, but they can’t be number one in my heart because I gave that place to Jesus. This also makes my feelings about church and state being separate to stay strong. Words are so important. If we as a country try to label ourselves one way when most of us don’t understand those words the same way, or maybe don’t even agree them, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

Can The United States be a country that tries to get better everyday? I can get behind that.

Can The US be a country that understands that we are younger than many countries and we are still defining success? I like that.

Can The United States of America be a country that is imperfect but wants to be a helping hand when it can? Yes. That is a powerful statement.

Can the United States be a melting pot of beautiful people trying their best? That we are!

This article was inspired by:

Many believe the founders wanted a Christian America. Some want the government to declare one now. By Peter Smith for Associated Press February 17, 2024

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

I Don’t Have Self-Esteem Issues

by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 18, 2024 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I have been thinking about a response I got to a post I made on Facebook last week about an interaction I had with someone. I didn’t post the conversation with the person because I wanted to get kudos for myself. I wanted to encourage anyone that needed it to make efforts to see the people around them. But I was surprised when someone responded to my post that they saw my light no matter what I felt about myself. I was surprised about this because I don’t have self-esteem issues. In fact I have come to a point in my life that there is a quiet peace. I am satisfied with myself. I know my Creator is happy with me. I know my wife and my sister are happy with me. I know even my cat is happy with me. I honestly don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to be a blessing, but I don’t need the approval or adoration of anyone.

I don’t know if this is age or just that I spend most of my time with God and Karen G Clemenson, Jamie Holloway and Xavier and we all have a high level of integrity, communication and honesty and we don’t play games with each other. This has helped me a lot. This stability I have always craved is content. The resiliency that we have had to cultivate has made us more pliable. The fact that we all understand that we do not see, hear or understand all that God does, but that we know He has us and will never leave of forsake us is powerful. We remind each other as needed. This no nonsense way of life is refreshing.

I suppose having to let people go, that I have love for, because they can’t hear me has made a difference. It was a hard process. There was mourning involved. There were many emotions involved. But there was also healing involved and honesty that has honored my self. They can’t or won’t hear me but I did. God did. He knows that I don’t want reconciliation with people that can’t or won’t hear me or respect my individuality; that I wasn’t put on this earth to serve them. I was put on this earth to serve God and He has other ideas. He needs me to be whole and able to make decisions with an un-fractured mind. He isn’t afraid of my diagnosis’ and my need for medications or therapy. He isn’t afraid of my history. He was with me every step of the way and He will be with me for every one I have yet to make.

My self-esteem is grounded in the same place my light is — in the salvation and new life I have in Jesus Christ. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. It means I never struggle alone. That light that person was referring to in my post was not me by myself but me in Jesus and Jesus in me.

I have been in a place that seemed like a struggle but really it was a place of rest. I was learning to trust God; that He would provide no matter what. We are getting ready for a new home. We are getting ready for a new path or at least a bigger view of the one God has had us on. God has been preparing us for something new and we are ready. That will mean I might not spend as much time at home, or maybe people will be coming to me, we shall see what He has in store but I won’t be alone so much, I know it. I have learned to relish the time alone and to talk more freely to God because He is my best friend and He is always here and I shouldn’t hold back. He knows everything anyway…

There were a lot of things that I learned from The Birthday Card I Didn’t Want. It wasn’t the only message I received that week from people I had said goodbye to. There was a note in Messenger from a person that had dumped me so many times in our 30 year relationship. The last time they dumped me they told me they didn’t want to know me and as I skimmed their message, just days after that terrible letter from Winfred, and a few days before my birthday, that is what I heard in my head: I don’t want to know you. It is true, a part of them probably loves me but another part of them really doesn’t want to know me and that is the part I am continuing to protect myself from. I deleted that message. You don’t have to be in relationships that hurt you just because you love someone. Their version of love might not be the same as yours. You have to love yourself too.

There is always a cost to saying no to someone that abuses you. But when you find people that don’t play games with you and really love you, it is easy to say no to people that don’t know how to love you. Jesus told us to give freely out of our abundance. If we are giving until it hurts we are not giving from abundance. We are not free to love. We are not loving ourselves. By loving ourselves we are filling the coffers to let love overflow. This is the natural way of loving. Jesus made time to pray and fill His coffers. We need the same thing. Finding time to talk to God and read the bible because it is the physical way we can get to know Him is the best way to get your cup to overflow. It is nice to go to church but if you have nothing to give, why go?

We are supposed to be a blessing to each other but if we are not filling our selves up, and God is the only thing that our Spirit craves, how can we bless each other. It is natural that sometimes we are going to need the support of others, but there comes a point that we must grow beyond the need of just milk but something actually to chew on and we must be able to serve each other. You don’t get this by being in need all the time. You must strengthen yourself and talking with God, just like you would with your best friend and waiting for Him to answer and reading the bible is that only way you are going to grow. Humans are not perfect and can hear things wrong. You must cultivate your own relationship with God. If this is how you ground your self-esteem you will not be unsatisfied.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.

If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

There Are Things You Just Do

by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 2, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

I am working on this book that asks me a lot of questions. It makes me think a lot. I can’t just say I am reading this book because I have to think so much. It isn’t anything like what I was expecting. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I will do a book review on it shortly. I should finish the book in a few days. But in the chapter I just finished it was likening our relationship with God as a marriage. Where there are things you just do to keep the relationship going. The relationship is not a summation of hilltop moments but a lot of work for a few special moments.

I read many types of things every day. Part of that is because I am curious about the world. But mainly it is to help my brain focus on now and not the past. It is how I help my OCD brain stay here and now. I tend to go through my email every day. Flipboard sends me emails they think I will be interested in. Sometimes my friends send me articles and YouTube videos they think I will enjoy. I also read my bible. I have a reading plan that my old church followed that they called SOAP that I follow. It has Old and New Testament passages for each day. I don’t follow for the particular day because I didn’t start on the right day and sometimes I let other things get in the way of my bible reading but when I do read my bible, I read in both the Old and New Testaments. I also have a daily devotional I do. Right now I am following one by Bob Goff. I always have a book or two I am working on, as well.

I started reading the bible when I was 6 years old. I just turned 48 on Sunday. I haven’t always been faithful to every day but I have always tried because I was told this is just something you do to know God; it is a good way to focus on Him and hear Him. As a young person I had read a few passages that told me that God was a mystery. I would never understand everything about Him. I clung to those scriptures because, there is a lot in the bible I just don’t understand. There is a lot in the world, I also don’t understand. But I know that God will never leave or forsake me and I am His beloved. Because I know that I can’t see everything the way God sees, I can’t hear what He hears and I don’t know everything He knows, but I know that He loves His children, I have to have faith that He is always working, I can find peace in Him when there is no other peace to be found.

Like in a marriage you don’t see everything that happens. I don’t watch Karen G Clemenson work but I see her come home tired, dirty and hungry. I see her paychecks. I hear the stories she tells me about what happens at work. She doesn’t watch me do the laundry, make her meals, or manage our household, but she thanks me that she has clean clothes to wear, food to eat and there is always an extra box of tissue in the closet or whatever item she needs after she just emptied something out. When those things aren’t there, it is usually because I am sick and we are doing take out and Karen’s laundry might not be so fresh and she might be bringing a few more things home from the store than usual until I get back in the saddle. We both have things we just do to take care of each other every day.

But God doesn’t get sick so when things like war breaks out, which is totally a human thing, we get confused.

What have I learned by reading the Old Testament? Mainly history and history is full of war. Do I understand it. No. I would much rather read the words in red. The new covenant that Jesus created is so much easier to aspire to. Its so easy that we mess it up all the time. But I think that without reading the Old Testament, we can’t really appreciate the real gift of our salvation that Jesus gave us in the New Testament.

But humans require war. Just like they require laws. Not humans that live in the Spirit; but humans that don’t live in the Spirit or don’t know how to do it yet. Because salvation is such an easy concept that it takes some of us a lifetime to really grasp how easy it is to accept the fullness of our salvation and the freedom of law and order. Because if you are loving the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind and loving your neighbor as yourself, you don’t need any laws to tell you how to live in society. You will be mindful of everyone, compassionate, generous, forgiving, loving and in return they will be the same to you. But as you can tell by turning on the TV, there are many people that don’t understand that, so we need laws and first responders and military to keep people in line.

War makes us afraid. We should be. It has been a long time since we have had a war on our shores. Our government has done a great job making sure we fight wars in other countries. I was watching It’s A Wonderful Life and I realized that we are not as strong as we were during World War II. We, as a nation, rely too much on services and not on each other. We can’t do rubber, tin and paper drives. We don’t want to go without gasoline or any other comforts. We don’t tend to cook meals for each other. Some of us would starve to death without food delivery services. How do I know this? When I get sick, if anyone sends help, it is in the form of a gift certificate. I am not unappreciative but I would love an invitation to someone’s house sometime. I am guilty of this too, though. When you live in a hotel it is hard to cook for others. I don’t have extra dishes I can loan to people. We have one car and Karen has it work all the time. We are so separated.

People in the United States are demonstrating against Israel because Hamas, a terrorist group that has been in power in Palestine for years, uses human shields and so many Palestinian civilians have died in this war that Hamas started in October against Israel. Restaurants in the United States are being boycotted if they are owned by people of Jewish, Muslim, or Mediterranean descent; even though these owners are United States citizens and have no say over what Israel or Palestine are doing. Hezbollah, another terrorist group, that is in power in Lebanon, keeps firing into Israel. US Navy helicopters were forced to kill Houthi rebels, another terrorist group, from Yemen that was attacking our cargo ship in the Red Sea. The purpose of the cargo ship is to keep the water ways open for transport for several countries. All the terrorist groups I mentioned are funded by Iran. Iran is also funding Russia who is trying to overpower Ukraine.

If we were the country we should be we would be aligning with our allies to take down Iran. But we are all dependent on their oil.

So I keep reading the Old Testament. I read and I get ideas about not understanding but relying on God. Knowing that God loves ALL His children: his Jewish, Muslim and Christian children, maybe even the Buddhist and Hindu and every other type of religion children too and I know that He is moving. I know that terrorism is just another form of slavery and God is not for this. These terrorist groups keep the people divided, controlled and impoverished. They do not allow for free will or democracy. They foster fear which can, in many ways, be worse than death.

Its ok to not know or understand everything. Curiosity is what keeps us striving. It is what makes me keep reading the Old Testament, even though there is so much I might never understand. But I understand more than I used to. Most importantly, my faith in God is made stronger because when I know I can’t do it, I know He can, because when I am weak, He is strong. I also know that every life lost, is more important to God than to anyone else. I trust His purpose. That helps me rest in His peace. I know He has His people. There are things He just does and He just never leaves or forsakes His children.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

I Am the One that is Supposed to be Sick

by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 28, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Life, Opinions, Prayers & Thanksgiving

On November 12th she started really hurting. Karen G Clemenson gets aches and pains just like anyone but not like this. She rarely gets more than a runny nose and a slight headache. She is proud of her strength and health. She likes being strong, it is part of her personal identity, that and her ability to work hard every day. She does it at work and at home. But on this day she has had to lay low. Really low. I can’t tell you how many times she apologized for being sick. I am the one that is supposed to be sick. She doesn’t get sick. It has been over 10 years since her teeth went bad, since I have seen her in this much pain. She didn’t even want to eat and Karen doesn’t turn away meals.

By Tuesday went to the ER. Her pain in her lower right quadrant was so bad she was having trouble walking. Although she drove, she couldn’t walk into the ER. I was caught by a nurse trying to procure a wheel chair. Thankfully he took over until we got to the door. We spent 7 hours there that day. They did every test and culture, except the ultra sound because she was also having stenosis of her cervix. After all that they sent her home with instructions to use Tylenol for pain. They couldn’t find any infection or reason to keep her there and we had to wait for the cultures to come back.

The next day she went to her regular clinic and took the notes from the hospital. They didn’t do any more tests because they could see that the hospital had been thorough. They gave her some muscle relaxers, pain meds and a one dose antibiotic, just in case.

Yesterday, after watching her struggle for many days and watching to see if her test results were loaded into her PeaceHealth portal without success, I called the ER to see what the hold up was. They let me know that her cultures came back normal and that she should come back to try that ultrasound again. I was afraid of the bill associated with the hospital so I called her clinic; Karen is between insurance companies. They told me to call an advice nurse because they could not advise me to come in or not. The advice nurse, after finding out that Karen’s pain had been at a 6 for several hours, said they wanted her to be seen by somebody in the next 4 hours. So I called the clinic back and left a message. Then I began to get ready for the day. They did not call me back so when we were ready to leave we went back to the hospital.

This time, Karen had success with the test and we found out she has fibroid tumors on her right ovary. The doctor seemed more upset to tell us than we were to hear it. I think I was in shock. Honestly I don’t know how Karen feels about it but she did thank me for making her come back to the hospital. I told her pain like this is not to ignore. If we waited and it became worse and she died, that was not how I planned to spend my future.

This last week I have been surprised how my body has let me do a lot of things. I am the chronically ill one. My body doesn’t handle stress well. I have been doing my chores and Karen’s. I have been helping Karen get up, walk and get into bed. I have also been doing financials and filling out charity care paperwork to get help with the hospital bill. I have found that the hospital is a perfect place to read since I have devoured almost 2 books while sitting there. I have had to adjust to the stress of our needy cat too. I didn’t start to fall apart until last night.

I had put a turkey in the crockpot before we left for the hospital so we had something to eat when we got home. When we got done with turkey and green beans and a treat of pumpkin custard with chocolate ganache on top. I had no energy left. I had to have a nap. So I set an alarm and got up at 10:45 pm to take care of the rest of the turkey. That is not a small job; pulling all the meat off the bones, setting aside the innards for Karen and separating the drippings for a stew. I needed some me time so I did a bible study and then read some more. This book I am reading is really great; it is also a good distraction.

I was chewing on the idea that it might be cancer.

I didn’t sleep well. Fibromyalgia is not nice. She causes a terrible kind of pain that nothing really helps take the sting out of and my body temp fluctuates a lot. Emotions trigger her…I am also breaking out with a new psoriasis spot.

Sometime in the early hours my sister, Jamie Holloway, sent me a message about Karen. She is worried. Because I wanted Jamie to be at rest, I googled fibroid tumors and found that they are not cancerous and don’t increase the chance of cancer but they are super painful and will probably require a surgery. But they aren’t cancer. I passed this onto Jamie. Sometimes Jamie sends me the perfect message the right time. Although I am still stressed out. This has been an expensive week and Karen has missed a lot of work and we rely on her working so heavily. I am a little relieved to know that it probably isn’t cancer and as I passed onto Jamie, Karen’s ovary is not twisted and there didn’t appear to be any other anomalies.

God must be flexing his muscles right now because the bible says when I am weak He is strong…I am about on my face.

Karen will find out soon the next step with the gynecologist. We know God has us.

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

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