by Summer D Clemenson | Jun 18, 2024 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers, Queer Community, Wellness
I got triggered by Father’s Day. I didn’t realize it was Father’s Day before I went on Facebook and saw all the great posts everyone had for their dads. I write about my journey to celebrate my steps and share what I have learned with others that might benefit from my path. I have PTSD and sometimes yesterday is right now but I have new tools.
The episode didn’t actually start on Sunday but had started earlier. Pride usually reminds me of several things that make me feel loss and I work through them. I assume that most of my extended family doesn’t even realize how their actions have affected me and how my mind has created connections through Pride Month; it only makes sense to me and isn’t even fair to include them so I forgive because it isn’t anything they actually did. But the tenderness was already there when I saw the pictures of women with their dads, dancing, fishing, doing puzzles, gardening, cooking or any other relationship building activity.
The most recent reason my extended family is not in my life is that when I needed answers, no one could give me answers that made me feel peace, joy, safety and loved so I left them behind me. I never had success when I was around them so I needed to leave them. Love was not enough. It is my fault I am not in their lives. It was my choice. I do not choose to bad mouth them. They are successful with each other. I was the one that didn’t fit. I found other people that had no problem with my needs.
This truth does not erase my history. I still have PTSD. Once I realized that the emotions I was feeling were not reliable or even recent, I needed to listen to them before they leaked out on an innocent bystander. By the time I was really aware of them they were a big red ball of emotions, mostly anger and hatred toward two people. I have forgiven them so many times. These things are old. I was sitting with God, knowing that I had already forgiven these things. I knew I didn’t hold this against them anymore. My goal was peace. So I began reminding myself of what is true today: They are just people. They are not perfect. They have their own traumas. They have done the best they could. They don’t benefit from my anger and hatred.
I felt the ball of emotions begin to shift as I reminded myself that I don’t want this. I don’t benefit from these emotions anymore. I want them to do well. I want them to be blessed. I want them to have a good life. I want God to love them.
I am going to be honest. I don’t like one of them. It took me almost 30 years to be honest with myself that I hated them. I had to say that so I could forgive myself for that hatred. I don’t hate them anymore but I don’t trust them and I don’t like them and I refuse to have them in my life. It is hard to be loving toward someone you feel that way about. But removing my emotions, I know that my anger and hatred does not benefit anyone that they are around that I love. Those emotions don’t help me either.
The ball of emotions had become very manageable.
It is not always easy to forgive or pray for the people in our past. But it gets easier. It isn’t about those people that once had so much say in our lives. It is about letting them go so we can have peace.
This is a hard article to write. There is a part of me that still wants to tattle. She is many ages of Summer, but I am in control and I am a lady. I am here and I want to see my readers get well and I don’t think telling on people will make anyone feel better. In reality it never made me feel better. I think that sharing what I have learned is what actually helps me move forward.
There are many paths to wellness. For me, medication and therapy, several types, has been a life saver for me. I think everyone should see a therapist for at least a period of time in their life. We can all use more tools to help us use our words and our minds to help us process what the world throws at us. I do know, for me, I would not be here without my relationship with God. God has always turned me in the right direction and spoken truths to me when I was ready to hear them. As I leaned into Them, I learned more and especially gained that peace, joy, safety and love I was looking for.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | May 2, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
College is a time when we are supposed to learn to think. We often learn more about ourselves and figure out where we stand politically. For many of us, it is the first time we see ourselves separately from our families enough to be able to decide where we stand on a lot of issues. Protests are normal on campuses. Right now, campuses are seeing a lot of unrest and causing clashes with police and shut down classes. Some of the incidents are anti-semitic. Some students want their college to cut ties with any businesses that are profiting off the war with Hamas. Many students want to see a ceasefire between Israel and Palestine.
The problem we have with these protests, is not that they are happening. The United States was created because we protested the way we were being treated by England. It is the foundation of who we are to protest when we see something we want to see changed, to say something, but we are not leaving room for others to disagree peacefully. We are not remaining noncombatant. That is where the police have the right to come in and arrest people. That is where injuries happen. Violence has become the expectation.
The sad part is that it is not just college students that are vandalizing college campuses and endangering people that intend to be peaceful. Many times outside groups are showing up and changing the dynamics of these protests.
Lack of self-discipline betrays passions.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
This is where I try to live, but I can’t say that I understand the world I live in. I read The Old Testament and I can’t say I understand it completely clearly either. God is very different before Jesus came to offer grace and salvation.
I have read a lot about the war in Gaza. I don’t understand what it must be like to live in the Middle East. Even when war is ceased, it could happen at any moment. The unrest must be stifling. There are whole groups of people that do not accept that Jesus is the Son of God and they are still held to the standards of the laws in The Torah, or The Old Testament, as I know it. Those standards are impossible and that is why God sent Jesus for anyone that would accept Him. This is easy for me to accept, because that is what I have believed for most of my life, but there are people in Israel that only live by The Torah, in fact, their only job, to study The Torah.
The expectations of their life must be so different than mine. There are some great stories in The Old Testament, but there is a lot of war and lamenting and law in there too.
I have made no opinions about this war because I have nothing to base my opinion on. The people in Israel live such a different life than I do. They have different expectations, beliefs and purposes than I do. The government in Palestine is not strong, they have allowed Hamas to take over and keep them in destitution and control their people. Israel does not want to control them but they don’t want to be terrorized by them either and both countries share religious sites but access is not permitted. There is no peace and no one to lead them to peace. Historically they are brothers but they hate each other.
A long time ago I made peace with the concept that I will never be able to understand everything about God. It is easy for me to file some things under this belief. But I am still concerned because death of innocents is always sad. Pointing fingers always ends up back in my direction because judging does that. So following the money will bring us home and that makes me feel sick.
All I can do is pray. I do know, and I apply this belief in more than one scenario, that God loves His creation. He loves each of us and we are never without Him. I know that He is with us and comforts us to the end so even though it hurts my heart to hear of the deaths of civilians and the mourning of families, I know that God is there too. Because He knew that when he created humans He knew that our lack of self-discipline would always betray our passions.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 15, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the word, transactional, is an adjective that describes something that is related to buying and selling. For instance, transactional charges are fees that are associated with their purchase. Transactional can also be associated with relationships and this happens when each person in the relationship does things for the other person, expecting something done for them in return. As long as they get something in return, they are willing to give their time and resources at some point in the future. Transactional relationships are very beneficial at work, where you are earning your pay, but in more personal relationships, often times, if this is the main type of dynamic in your relationship, there is little room for meaningful connection. I want my life to be less transactional.
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some have unwittingly entertained angels.
Hebrews 13:2
I was doing my bible study and this verse made me think of a time I was in Seattle with my father. We were on the pier. There were lots of vendors and we were on our way to somewhere, I don’t remember. There was a homeless man that wanted my father to say hello to him, but he ignored him. This made him angry. As my entire family followed my father and walked by him, I could feel his shame and anger get bigger. I could feel that so big. I was one of the last in the line of my extended family and as I came closer to him, I smiled at him and said hello. Immediately, he calmed down and smiled back.
When we were closer to the car, my father began berating me for speaking to the man. But I wouldn’t be put in my place. I put my father in his place. I was firm. I told him, he was wrong. All that man wanted was easy to give. He wanted to be seen, and I saw him.
I understand that my father was afraid of what the man could have done. But I was not. I knew Jesus was with me. I have come to understand that there were many things in my life that my extended family was not strong enough to walk through with me and it was better to let them go. Their fears only made it harder for me to be brave.
But there was more. The love I was raised with was more transactional than natural. If I was the good girl that served them, I was allowed some grace. But their grace only lasted as long as they wanted. My parents needed their needs met more than they knew how to take care of mine and they expected me to take care of them first.
The disadvantages of transactional relationships are:
- Shallow interaction
- Feeling undervalued
- Short-sighted with little loyalty and commitment
- Lack of safety
When I tried to talk about these things with my father, I was told that I was the only one with the problem so I was the problem. When I tried to talk to my mother, I was told that it wasn’t true and I was making this up. I had seen my aunt do this to my mother, while I was growing up too. Because I had been the one to have to care for my sisters, starting at 9 years old, I did not have a regular relationship with them. They had been taught by my parents to emotionally abuse me. I didn’t have any support and so they got the absolute worst of me. Now I know I had mental illness, neurodivergence, untreated chronic migraines, unbalanced hormones, insulin resistance and maybe even the beginning of fibromyalgia at a young age, I was a mess and I was trying to be a good girl with no help. I don’t blame my family for this. We didn’t have the words for these conditions back when I was growing up but compassion would have been nice, even when I started getting diagnosed and that never happened.
The most joy I ever experienced was when my siblings had children. In some ways things got easier because many of the stresses of a blended family got quieter as we decided to let some of the old things go. It wasn’t easier for me. I was still ignored and left out but when I showed up, I loved my nephews and nieces. I loved to play with them, listen to them and talk to them. They enjoyed me too. I let the other stuff go because it was easy to ignore everything else and just fall in love with these amazing people that just loved me.
But then in 2014 I got really sick and ended up in the hospital. It changed me. It broke something in me that kept me strong enough to be the good girl and take whatever they expected me to take. I needed to be myself and I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t want any of the disadvantages of transactional relationships anymore. I married Karen G Clemenson and she was seeing what I had been talking about and couldn’t understand why these people were so dismissive and blatantly abusive towards me. They would call and terrorize me over the phone and after visits I would be in bed for days and she would beg me to eat and take my meds. My therapists had told me I needed to separate them from my life. These people were hurting me.
Finally I made the choice to take a break. I know it is close to the anniversary of this first choice because I have been having lots of nightmares lately. I had never intended it to become permanent but it has become obvious to me that it must be. When you don’t believe there is anything wrong with your behavior, you aren’t going to change, even if you think you love someone. My extended family doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with their behavior. So I am taking my father’s advice. If I am the problem then I must go away. I have asked him to let me go and I mean it. I don’t want anything from him. My mother says she doesn’t understand why I don’t want her in my life but I have told her if she will go to therapy I will consider a relationship with her, she is just in denial.
I didn’t remove them from my life to hurt them. I removed them from my life to protect myself.
What I want more than anything is for them to see what it would take for us to grow. Years ago I realized that I was abusing a dear friend because we were both abused as children. My friend needed to be abused and I needed to abuse someone. As much as I loved them, I would hear myself say terrible things to them when I was visiting them. By the time I would be driving home, I would hate myself. We were both in therapy and I realized that we were fulfilling a role that was unhealthy and we separated for a few years while we dealt with ourselves and now we have an honest and loving relationship. We give freely to each other out of love and not because we need to fill some gross need that was taught to us by someone that was wrong.
And the reason this has all come up? The last few weeks I have started a new Facebook account. It doesn’t have all the blocked pages that make me feel safe and Facebook knows who I should be connected to. I didn’t mind Facebook suggesting my youngest sibling to me. Or my oldest. The profile picture of my father’s wife’s Facebook account bothers me because that is what they looked like when things were the worst but I let it go…it was the profile of my first niece. She is gorgeous. I had to look at her pictures. She is engaged to be married. I am so happy for her. My heart bursts with joy for her and I wish I could hug her and tell her this in person but she is collateral damage. These beautiful children are not children anymore and I hoped that when they were adults they could make their own choices and reach out to me but they have been told, what they have been told. I know not to interfere.
So the only transaction I will make regarding this beautiful woman and her cousins is with Jesus in my prayers.
But in my current relationships, I don’t hold on like I used to. I love in the moment, expecting nothing in return. It works better for me. I was raised, keeping a ledger and that has only made me tired. I was taught that I had to talk to everyone about Jesus, but I have watched people become afraid at the sight of a cross on my neck so I stopped wearing them. When people ask me about the beads on my wrists, I tell them that God is in His creation and then I tell them what my intentions are for these beads. Its a good conversation starter. I don’t believe that the beads themselves do anything, but God, in HIs wisdom, does what He plans…and I think the beads are pretty. I have learned to listen for when people aren’t interested or when Jesus wants me to say less or something else. This seems to work better for me. Sometimes I am really surprised at what comes out of my mouth.
One of the points that Bob made in the bible study I was reading was that Jesus gave freely. He didn’t feed people and then ask them to pray with Him. Jesus didn’t heal people and then ask them to do anything in return. Jesus just loved because that is His nature. That is the way I want to live. I want to love because I have the energy and desire to love and when I am tired or I don’t have resources, I want to go home and reload. When Jesus got tired, He spent time with God in prayer. That is what we are supposed to do. That is how you give freely. You give what you have. It doesn’t have to be transactional if you give from your abundance and then go home.
Giving what you have to give works for all kinds of relationships because many of us have scars and hurts that are in their own timing of healing. I have a friend that wants to call me friend but they don’t return my messages. They want me to come to their shows. Even though I have explained that my wife works 3 jobs and I don’t want to go out alone and I would prefer to do other things, they need the validation other ways. They have been hurt really bad by personal relationships and like the shining lights and protection of the stage. I understand this but I can’t give it to them. So I give them what I can. Maybe one day they will be ready for more personal time or I will be ready for the bright lights and large groups but for now, I pray for them. The love is still there. It is still very real. It is what I have. It doesn’t deny them their needs and freedom, but I am not feeling some of the feelings I might have felt that they couldn’t give me what I needed, because I have learned to get what I need from Jesus.
Another relationship I had to let go because they were abusive to me. We would come together and at some point they would dump me. Because I loved them, I would forgive them and re-engage. It was a similar pattern I had learned from my extended family. But at some point I came to a realization that I didn’t want to be abused anymore. Even though I loved them, and sometimes they acted like they loved me, I realized that more than not, our relationship was always on their terms. I decided that I wanted more than that and when I talked to them about that, I also realized that they were always comparing me to them, even about things I could do nothing about. I gave them a wide berth because they were dealing with their mental illness and I was proud of them but I was aware that I needed to take care of myself too. In our last communication they told me they didn’t want to know me. So I listened to their words and let them go. I still pray for them when I think about them. I want them to have happiness, health and goodness in their life, but when they send me messages, I don’t reply because I have made the decision to not be abused anymore. I have learned to place people that I can’t have in my life in the hands of Jesus.
In my last conversations with my siblings I told them I had nothing for them. I was done. I still love them but I have given all I have for them. When I think of them I hope they have what they want in life, hope, love and joy. I am sometimes sad because I wish I had loving relationships with them and I mourn the few times that were joyful but the trust is gone and relationship has been comatose for many years. I am sure they have their own pain. We were all raised the same way. So many transactions. All I can do is place them in Jesus’ arms.
Jesus is not transactional. He loves everyone. He doesn’t get tired. He doesn’t run out of resources. He knows what to do always. I am supposed to give freely, not out of my lack. I don’t stop loving, I have stopped giving when I have nothing more to give. I have learned when to let people stay in the rear view mirror so I can move forward to new opportunities that were created by Jesus for each new day. This is how to live without transactions but to live freely. When we let people abuse us, it is too easy to allow our relationships to become transactional. I want my life to be less transactional. I want my life to be free.
You don’t get what you want by waiting for it to come to you most of the time. Most of life is about making choices. This has been a hard and very important lesson.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 6, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
A couple of weeks ago I was inspired to write my editorial article: I Do Not Believe The United States Should Label Itself a Christian Nation. After sharing it with my wife, who has similar, but different beliefs than I do, I realized that maybe I should go deeper to explain why I feel this way, so strongly. It is not just a feeling for me, but a core belief, fueled by my regard for Christ. I believe that Christ’s name should be revered much more than it usually is. I believe the word Christian should be revered much more than it usually is. When Christ’s name is on something, it should mean something. If you are not a Christian or if you have been hurt by people who have been misled or are using that name of Jesus in the wrong way, this title can do more harm than good.
Wikipedia says that Christianity is an Abrahamic monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus. It is the world’s largest and most widespread religion, with roughly 2.4 billion followers, comprising around 31.2% of the world population. Of course there is a ton if variation beyond this statement because cultures and denominations create differences of beliefs and traditions. The Greek word Christianos, meaning, “follower of Christ” comes from Christos, meaning “anointed one,” with an adjective ending borrowed from Latin to mean belonging to. So a Christian is a a follower of Christ or someone that belongs to Christ.
But being a Christian means something different to so many people. In fact some people have such a skewed view of what being a Christian is that I don’t think they are actually Christians and those people make many of us look bad. I don’t want to gossip or backbite here because that makes God sad and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I often feel uncomfortable because I hear those things happen so much. In fact that is what I hated the most about the churches I have spent the most time in. We should be sharing information to pray for and edify each other but often, that is not what we are doing when we are talking to each other at church and it makes me sad and angry.
I could say that the politics around religion has gotten bad all of the sudden but I read through the gospel of John this last week and I realized that Jesus’ crucifixion was completely a political thing, so politics in church is not a new thing, I just didn’t realize it has always been there until now. Of course Christ’s death was also part of His divine plan to save believers and Jesus blatantly gave His life in every way He could. Time and time again, every chance He had to save Himself, He gave Himself to us and for that I am thankful. But just because we aren’t good at separating church and state, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try harder in order to recognize the foundation of our country’s origin: religious freedom. I believe that religious freedom means that we are all free to practice our choice of religion without persecution, which means that I need to give you room to disagree with me and have your own religion and not force my beliefs on you. Hopefully we can talk freely about our beliefs because that is how we might get to know each other without the stress of trying to “save” each other, but with the goal of understanding each other.
I spent a lot of time alone when I was growing up and even now. When I was 5 years old, I was in my backyard, under the apple trees and Jesus came to me and introduced Himself to me. From that moment on, I was never alone. Even when I didn’t know I was not alone, He was with me. Even when I forgot about Him, the Holy Spirit was with me. I have always enjoyed reading my bible and learning from people more wise than myself. There have always been times that I couldn’t hear certain messages and now I know that was God, hedging me in, so that I wouldn’t get confused by bad messages. God chose me and He has taught me many things. I have learned to hear His voice and to obey. When I was 25 years old, something in me thought I wasn’t as mature as I should be. I told God I was a 20 year old Christian but I felt like a toddler. So I challenged Him. My car had broke down and I had no way to get to church. No one missed me until it was my turn to dress the communion table. So I told God to prove His promises. I stayed away from church and waited for Him to teach me. He proved His promises and I grew faster than ever. It was so much easier to hear Him without the distractions of other people.
It has been 23 years and I haven’t been a able to find a church that I fit in. The humanity is too much for me. The showcasing or dogma or need for attention or the Pharisees stop me from wanting to return.
What I expect from churches is growth. I expect the people in the church to be better but when I visit them they are the same. I don’t need to be fed. I only need fellowship and worship. God will lead me to tithe if this is my home. He will lead me to serve when He has created the opportunity. I don’t need to be asked by church leaders. When I come to church I expect to see homeless in the congregation and people being ministered to randomly and the body moving but instead I find the same white, cookie cutter services with people that mean well but are held down by dogma or the need to perform for their ego’s sake and it makes me want to stay home and study by myself and pray by myself and give and act on the moments that God creates for me. It doesn’t make church valuable to me because no one has ever followed me home or even called until I missed my turn to serve them. This is why so many people are turned off by church; the lack of authenticity.
I am reminded by a quote by Brennan Manning that I heard on the DCTALK album Jesus Freak: The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
I saw an article the other day that explained some of the beliefs of Christian nationalists and it made me so sad that a group of people that supposedly believe in Jesus, think they should be treated special because of their beliefs; that they should have say in our government, economics, culture, education, media, arts and entertainment with the goal of power and conquest. These same people will vote in a person like Donald Trump, who does not embody any of the characteristics the bible tells us to look for in leadership but they want him because he will punish the people that are bad, he supports conspiracy theories and ideas that distract United States citizens from what is really important. They aren’t looking for a leader, they are looking for a bully that will break the United States so they can rebuild it the way they want it.
I know I am just one person. I am a woman that loves Jesus. Jesus did not like politicians when He was with us. He did not like the Pharisees. He loved them but He did not speak to them in words they could understand. He was not here for them. The rules and regulations had become of more importance to the Pharisees than the people, and that was why Jesus was here. He was here to tell the people about the love of God. He was here to show us mercy and forgiveness and healing. He was here to leave the Holy Spirit here for us to teach us God’s truth that our humanity, that seeks after lust, pride and greed was going to lead us nowhere but His love, mercy and truth would lead us to life.
Jesus was humble and He told us to serve others. He said specifically that those who wanted to be first, would be last. So I know that the beliefs of the Christian nationalists are based on confusion. The bible says that where there is confusion, that is not where God is and we must pray for these people. As true believers we can not place ourselves above anyone else. We are here to serve freely, not until we are angry and tired, but with the abundance that God gives us, so if it is too much for you, it is not your time, you need to rest. But if you have energy for this, please join me in praying for clarity in the hearts of the chosen and peace and joy to abound through Jesus Christ in His believers so that we can share it with everyone.
As believers Jesus’ name is written on us. We are important to Him. Each one of us is His church. We mean something. We don’t need a building or a body of believers to edify us. We need a relationship with Jesus. We need time in the word to learn His ways and how to hear the Holy Spirit guiding us toward truth and life. If we are able to find that in a group of believers that meets in a building, we are truly blessed, but you are also able to do this alone, or with a friend over coffee, or with a stranger on the street, or the librarian as you check out a book or with anyone that God puts in your path. You mean something. You make a difference. Be the church wherever you are. Don’t let the rules get in the way. Let God speak to you and through you. Learn His voice and obey. You can inspire the world.
Jesus changed the world and He said we would do greater than He. Let Him shine through you.
Be blessed!
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 4, 2024 | Cancer, Opinions, Prayers
February was a hard month but it wasn’t without blessings and I feel so blessed!
As many of you know since October 2021 I have been dealing with the fact that I Have Cancer. It has been a long road with much self-searching, changes in diet and lifestyle and even in who I allow into my life. The cancer I have is endometrial cancer and it is slow growing. It is level one and hasn’t grown. I am thankful for this. The treatments have not killed the cancer but the cancer has not metastasized or gotten worse in any way. During this 2 1/2 year period, I am not sure how many D&Cs I have had to gather biopsies to check how we are doing. I need a hysterectomy but my weight is an issue. It has taken a while to figure out how to help my body lose weight. With all the other medications I take, including the treatment for the cancer I have, that causes weight gain, this has been hard, but we are finally having success.
I had my latest D&C early in February and my post-op meeting with my oncologist last week. She was so happy to tell me that my cancer has shrunk. I have been thinking about this and letting it sink in. I have been resigned to the idea that most of my illnesses are chronic and won’t go away and it is odd to me that there is a reality that one of my diagnosis’s will go away. That there will be medications that I won’t take forever. That we are getting closer to the finish line for cancer. That I can begin planning for other things to come in my wellness plan. I am so thankful!
Also I wrote that I Was Locked Out of My Facebook Account. This was very hard for me emotionally. But also financially. I have worked very hard to rebuild my family’s credit history and scores. We have come so far and I was so frustrated. But through diligence, I got the police report filed online and it was accepted, my bank disputed the charges and reversed them so I don’t have to pay for the charges and I feel so relieved. I was so worried about how to pay that bill. We never charge more than we can afford to pay off each month. We have never paid interest on that card and I didn’t want to start now. I can’t tell you how much weight this took off my shoulders.
I know that I shouldn’t have let this bother me. I was under medications I don’t usually take. People make mistakes. God is always taking care of me. But I felt shame. I felt guilt. Under normal circumstances I would have never engaged with these thieves but in reality I had been for some time. I trusted too easily and I now I know more. So there are many blessings to be celebrated here.
God took good care of me and guided me to His blessings. I am so grateful!
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 23, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
I started a new notebook yesterday. I don’t use anything fancy, just a composition book that I can get for about $.50. I don’t keep them. I don’t re-read them or go through them once I have finished them. But I use them to write down my thoughts with my bible studies. I also take notes for the books I am reading and the random thoughts I have while I am reading. When I am done, I put the information in better places. I rarely keep my writing around on paper. I have lost so many things, I just don’t see a reason to keep it. I like things to be easy.
When I get into the word, I use a format from the last church I attended. They called it SOAP. Each day they have a list of readings. Yesterday I read Jeremiah 18-20, Psalm 93 and John 17. The idea is to read all the parts of the bible on the list and then the scriptures that stand out to you, you are supposed to write down the Scripture, make and Observation, Apply it to your life and and Pray about it.
Yesterday the verses that stood out to me were: John 17:7-9
“Now they have known that all things which You have given Me are from You. For I have given to them the words which You have given Me and they have received them, and have known surely that I came forth from You; and they have believed that You sent Me. I pray for them, I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours.”
This scripture is Jesus talking to God. It is coming close to the His time to be captured and crucified and He is becoming more intense. It is scary to follow through with our plans sometimes, especially when it is to die for the world. What caught my attention was that Jesus said He did not pray for the world because they were not given to Him, but only for the ones that were given to Him and were God’s.
This concept that many are called but few are chosen has tripped me up before. I have questioned God before and since I am not going to church right now and I don’t have an elder to question, I only have the Holy Spirit to ask.
I tend to skip scrutinizing scripture before I pray and just jump in with Jesus in prayer. I have seen other people break apart scripture beforehand but I don’t see any reason to leave Him out of the process:
Jesus if You do not pray for the world than do You not help everyone, even though You created them all? How does this affect how I am to love my neighbor if they are not chosen? I believe You are the Son of God and I am Yours and I thank You. Please help me understand.
Now the second part of my bible study is whatever devotional I am carrying around at the time. Right now I am using Live in Grace Walk in Love a 365 Day Journey by Bob Goff.
The scripture for yesterday was Luke 9:17
So they all ate and were filled, and twelve baskets of leftovers were taken up by them.
When I read the devotional I tend to read the scripture and treat it the same as the SOAP scripture. I ponder it and let it sink in and pray through it, and then I read what the author has to say about the scripture but I was stumped this time. I found myself saying, “Now what are you talking about Bob?”
When I am this situation I just read what the author was trying to lead me to. Of course that scripture is taking about when Jesus fed the 5,000 with just a few fish and a few loaves of bread and then took up tons of leftovers. Jesus didn’t take a second to differentiate between chosen and unchosen people. He loved and fed everyone that was there. That was the point of the message. And that was the answer to my question about my neighbor.
It is not my job to worry about if my neighbor is chosen or not. It is my job to love them.
Thank You Jesus for making it easy for me to understand.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Feb 19, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
I love God and I am thankful that He chose me and I can call myself a Christian. I am also thankful that I was born in The United States because I have freedoms that I would not have in other countries. I appreciate that I live in a country founded on the belief of religious freedom. I believe in the separation of church and state. I think it is a powerful dividing line that is being forgotten as some believers politicize religion more and more for their personal gain. I do not believe that The United States of America should label itself a Christian nation.
Labels can be just a sticker. Anyone that has gone shopping can see that sometimes the sticker can be put on the wrong item. This has happened in a lot of cases. There are many people that do not, or have not read their bibles enough to know what it actually says. They have depended too heavily on people that either have been misguided or have purposefully led them in the wrong direction. The bible has told us many times that the spirit of the antichrist is among us and we must be careful. There is not just one antichrist; there are many and they are willing to take us anywhere they want us to go as long it is far away from the truth of a loving Father that believes and honors our right to choose Him or not. God has told us to love our neighbor. He did not differentiate any neighbor from another, whether they are from another country, from another religion, another political belief, whether their skin is a different color or they can read or not or any other difference between ourself and them. Illegal aliens, immigrants, people who believe in abortion, people that are queer, people that collect guns or not, democrats, republicans, independents or disenfranchised, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Satanists, Atheists, law-abiding citizens and criminals are all our neighbors.
By labeling The United States as a Christian nation we are leaving out some of our best people. That doesn’t mean we can’t be Christians. The bible says we are only responsible for ourselves. We are not going to stand before God on Judgement Day and be responsible for anyone but our self. There are actual passages that say mind your own business and work hard with your hands so you will be happy. So read your bible. Learn about God and work on your relationship with Him and you know what? As a nation we will probably start to look more like a Christian nation. Why? Because when each one of us that loves God, we will be loving our neighbor, feeding our neighbor, clothing our neighbor, just as we would have done for Jesus and all that love will pour over to the next person and as we minister to each other, maybe the love of God will inspire others to love people and maybe show people that loving God is safe and not scary and not a waste of time.
We have spent a lot of time in this country teaching each other to not trust each other. White people have been terrible to Native Americans, Black Folks, Asian people and any other person of color. We have treated immigrants terribly, whether they came from Mexico, Italy, Ireland or any other country because humans tend to believe in the survival of the fittest, but that is not in the bible. The bible tells us to love and care for those who need it. We can’t go back and do anything differently but we can start each day new and love the people in front of us.
There are people that have taken some of the words of the bible and used them to teach us to divide and conquer but that is not what Jesus meant when He said He came to bring division. He was describing what humanity will cause, not what He wanted. The law of humanity is lust, pride and greed. The law of Christ is love, peace and mercy. Without Jesus, I don’t deserve the law of Christ but I am so thankful for it because the law of humanity is not worth the price of damnation in the end or the emotional cost before I get there.
So how do you know if you are following the right advise? Easy. If you see the fruits of the spirit, you are in the right place: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. If you don’t see these things, you are not seeing the law of Christ. You are seeing an antichrist. If you don’t see this in your life, ask God to help you to produce them. He is a good God and wants to give these things to you. He will honor this request. You don’t need fancy words to ask Him. You just ask Him. He knows what you are going to ask Him anyway so you don’t have to put a lot of thought into it.
I recently read a book called How We Love Matters: A Call to Practice Relentless Racial Reconciliation by Albert Tate and he was saying that while we can participate in political parties, we can’t give our allegiance to anyone but Jesus because only Jesus was willing to give His life for us. Political parties have their agendas and they will bend over backwards to make sure you believe them, even lie so you will agree with their perspective. This really resounded in my spirit. It totally helped me understand why I feel about politics the way I do. They have their place, but they can’t be number one in my heart because I gave that place to Jesus. This also makes my feelings about church and state being separate to stay strong. Words are so important. If we as a country try to label ourselves one way when most of us don’t understand those words the same way, or maybe don’t even agree them, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
Can The United States be a country that tries to get better everyday? I can get behind that.
Can The US be a country that understands that we are younger than many countries and we are still defining success? I like that.
Can The United States of America be a country that is imperfect but wants to be a helping hand when it can? Yes. That is a powerful statement.
Can the United States be a melting pot of beautiful people trying their best? That we are!
This article was inspired by:
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven. For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information. If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this: Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world. I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me. I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 18, 2024 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers
I have been thinking about a response I got to a post I made on Facebook last week about an interaction I had with someone. I didn’t post the conversation with the person because I wanted to get kudos for myself. I wanted to encourage anyone that needed it to make efforts to see the people around them. But I was surprised when someone responded to my post that they saw my light no matter what I felt about myself. I was surprised about this because I don’t have self-esteem issues. In fact I have come to a point in my life that there is a quiet peace. I am satisfied with myself. I know my Creator is happy with me. I know my wife and my sister are happy with me. I know even my cat is happy with me. I honestly don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to be a blessing, but I don’t need the approval or adoration of anyone.
I don’t know if this is age or just that I spend most of my time with God and Karen G Clemenson, Jamie Holloway and Xavier and we all have a high level of integrity, communication and honesty and we don’t play games with each other. This has helped me a lot. This stability I have always craved is content. The resiliency that we have had to cultivate has made us more pliable. The fact that we all understand that we do not see, hear or understand all that God does, but that we know He has us and will never leave of forsake us is powerful. We remind each other as needed. This no nonsense way of life is refreshing.
I suppose having to let people go, that I have love for, because they can’t hear me has made a difference. It was a hard process. There was mourning involved. There were many emotions involved. But there was also healing involved and honesty that has honored my self. They can’t or won’t hear me but I did. God did. He knows that I don’t want reconciliation with people that can’t or won’t hear me or respect my individuality; that I wasn’t put on this earth to serve them. I was put on this earth to serve God and He has other ideas. He needs me to be whole and able to make decisions with an un-fractured mind. He isn’t afraid of my diagnosis’ and my need for medications or therapy. He isn’t afraid of my history. He was with me every step of the way and He will be with me for every one I have yet to make.
My self-esteem is grounded in the same place my light is — in the salvation and new life I have in Jesus Christ. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. It means I never struggle alone. That light that person was referring to in my post was not me by myself but me in Jesus and Jesus in me.
I have been in a place that seemed like a struggle but really it was a place of rest. I was learning to trust God; that He would provide no matter what. We are getting ready for a new home. We are getting ready for a new path or at least a bigger view of the one God has had us on. God has been preparing us for something new and we are ready. That will mean I might not spend as much time at home, or maybe people will be coming to me, we shall see what He has in store but I won’t be alone so much, I know it. I have learned to relish the time alone and to talk more freely to God because He is my best friend and He is always here and I shouldn’t hold back. He knows everything anyway…
There were a lot of things that I learned from The Birthday Card I Didn’t Want. It wasn’t the only message I received that week from people I had said goodbye to. There was a note in Messenger from a person that had dumped me so many times in our 30 year relationship. The last time they dumped me they told me they didn’t want to know me and as I skimmed their message, just days after that terrible letter from Winfred, and a few days before my birthday, that is what I heard in my head: I don’t want to know you. It is true, a part of them probably loves me but another part of them really doesn’t want to know me and that is the part I am continuing to protect myself from. I deleted that message. You don’t have to be in relationships that hurt you just because you love someone. Their version of love might not be the same as yours. You have to love yourself too.
There is always a cost to saying no to someone that abuses you. But when you find people that don’t play games with you and really love you, it is easy to say no to people that don’t know how to love you. Jesus told us to give freely out of our abundance. If we are giving until it hurts we are not giving from abundance. We are not free to love. We are not loving ourselves. By loving ourselves we are filling the coffers to let love overflow. This is the natural way of loving. Jesus made time to pray and fill His coffers. We need the same thing. Finding time to talk to God and read the bible because it is the physical way we can get to know Him is the best way to get your cup to overflow. It is nice to go to church but if you have nothing to give, why go?
We are supposed to be a blessing to each other but if we are not filling our selves up, and God is the only thing that our Spirit craves, how can we bless each other. It is natural that sometimes we are going to need the support of others, but there comes a point that we must grow beyond the need of just milk but something actually to chew on and we must be able to serve each other. You don’t get this by being in need all the time. You must strengthen yourself and talking with God, just like you would with your best friend and waiting for Him to answer and reading the bible is that only way you are going to grow. Humans are not perfect and can hear things wrong. You must cultivate your own relationship with God. If this is how you ground your self-esteem you will not be unsatisfied.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jan 2, 2024 | Opinions, Prayers
I am working on this book that asks me a lot of questions. It makes me think a lot. I can’t just say I am reading this book because I have to think so much. It isn’t anything like what I was expecting. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I will do a book review on it shortly. I should finish the book in a few days. But in the chapter I just finished it was likening our relationship with God as a marriage. Where there are things you just do to keep the relationship going. The relationship is not a summation of hilltop moments but a lot of work for a few special moments.
I read many types of things every day. Part of that is because I am curious about the world. But mainly it is to help my brain focus on now and not the past. It is how I help my OCD brain stay here and now. I tend to go through my email every day. Flipboard sends me emails they think I will be interested in. Sometimes my friends send me articles and YouTube videos they think I will enjoy. I also read my bible. I have a reading plan that my old church followed that they called SOAP that I follow. It has Old and New Testament passages for each day. I don’t follow for the particular day because I didn’t start on the right day and sometimes I let other things get in the way of my bible reading but when I do read my bible, I read in both the Old and New Testaments. I also have a daily devotional I do. Right now I am following one by Bob Goff. I always have a book or two I am working on, as well.
I started reading the bible when I was 6 years old. I just turned 48 on Sunday. I haven’t always been faithful to every day but I have always tried because I was told this is just something you do to know God; it is a good way to focus on Him and hear Him. As a young person I had read a few passages that told me that God was a mystery. I would never understand everything about Him. I clung to those scriptures because, there is a lot in the bible I just don’t understand. There is a lot in the world, I also don’t understand. But I know that God will never leave or forsake me and I am His beloved. Because I know that I can’t see everything the way God sees, I can’t hear what He hears and I don’t know everything He knows, but I know that He loves His children, I have to have faith that He is always working, I can find peace in Him when there is no other peace to be found.
Like in a marriage you don’t see everything that happens. I don’t watch Karen G Clemenson work but I see her come home tired, dirty and hungry. I see her paychecks. I hear the stories she tells me about what happens at work. She doesn’t watch me do the laundry, make her meals, or manage our household, but she thanks me that she has clean clothes to wear, food to eat and there is always an extra box of tissue in the closet or whatever item she needs after she just emptied something out. When those things aren’t there, it is usually because I am sick and we are doing take out and Karen’s laundry might not be so fresh and she might be bringing a few more things home from the store than usual until I get back in the saddle. We both have things we just do to take care of each other every day.
But God doesn’t get sick so when things like war breaks out, which is totally a human thing, we get confused.
What have I learned by reading the Old Testament? Mainly history and history is full of war. Do I understand it. No. I would much rather read the words in red. The new covenant that Jesus created is so much easier to aspire to. Its so easy that we mess it up all the time. But I think that without reading the Old Testament, we can’t really appreciate the real gift of our salvation that Jesus gave us in the New Testament.
But humans require war. Just like they require laws. Not humans that live in the Spirit; but humans that don’t live in the Spirit or don’t know how to do it yet. Because salvation is such an easy concept that it takes some of us a lifetime to really grasp how easy it is to accept the fullness of our salvation and the freedom of law and order. Because if you are loving the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind and loving your neighbor as yourself, you don’t need any laws to tell you how to live in society. You will be mindful of everyone, compassionate, generous, forgiving, loving and in return they will be the same to you. But as you can tell by turning on the TV, there are many people that don’t understand that, so we need laws and first responders and military to keep people in line.
War makes us afraid. We should be. It has been a long time since we have had a war on our shores. Our government has done a great job making sure we fight wars in other countries. I was watching It’s A Wonderful Life and I realized that we are not as strong as we were during World War II. We, as a nation, rely too much on services and not on each other. We can’t do rubber, tin and paper drives. We don’t want to go without gasoline or any other comforts. We don’t tend to cook meals for each other. Some of us would starve to death without food delivery services. How do I know this? When I get sick, if anyone sends help, it is in the form of a gift certificate. I am not unappreciative but I would love an invitation to someone’s house sometime. I am guilty of this too, though. When you live in a hotel it is hard to cook for others. I don’t have extra dishes I can loan to people. We have one car and Karen has it work all the time. We are so separated.
People in the United States are demonstrating against Israel because Hamas, a terrorist group that has been in power in Palestine for years, uses human shields and so many Palestinian civilians have died in this war that Hamas started in October against Israel. Restaurants in the United States are being boycotted if they are owned by people of Jewish, Muslim, or Mediterranean descent; even though these owners are United States citizens and have no say over what Israel or Palestine are doing. Hezbollah, another terrorist group, that is in power in Lebanon, keeps firing into Israel. US Navy helicopters were forced to kill Houthi rebels, another terrorist group, from Yemen that was attacking our cargo ship in the Red Sea. The purpose of the cargo ship is to keep the water ways open for transport for several countries. All the terrorist groups I mentioned are funded by Iran. Iran is also funding Russia who is trying to overpower Ukraine.
If we were the country we should be we would be aligning with our allies to take down Iran. But we are all dependent on their oil.
So I keep reading the Old Testament. I read and I get ideas about not understanding but relying on God. Knowing that God loves ALL His children: his Jewish, Muslim and Christian children, maybe even the Buddhist and Hindu and every other type of religion children too and I know that He is moving. I know that terrorism is just another form of slavery and God is not for this. These terrorist groups keep the people divided, controlled and impoverished. They do not allow for free will or democracy. They foster fear which can, in many ways, be worse than death.
Its ok to not know or understand everything. Curiosity is what keeps us striving. It is what makes me keep reading the Old Testament, even though there is so much I might never understand. But I understand more than I used to. Most importantly, my faith in God is made stronger because when I know I can’t do it, I know He can, because when I am weak, He is strong. I also know that every life lost, is more important to God than to anyone else. I trust His purpose. That helps me rest in His peace. I know He has His people. There are things He just does and He just never leaves or forsakes His children.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 28, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Life, Opinions, Prayers
On November 12th she started really hurting. Karen G Clemenson gets aches and pains just like anyone but not like this. She rarely gets more than a runny nose and a slight headache. She is proud of her strength and health. She likes being strong, it is part of her personal identity, that and her ability to work hard every day. She does it at work and at home. But on this day she has had to lay low. Really low. I can’t tell you how many times she apologized for being sick. I am the one that is supposed to be sick. She doesn’t get sick. It has been over 10 years since her teeth went bad, since I have seen her in this much pain. She didn’t even want to eat and Karen doesn’t turn away meals.
By Tuesday went to the ER. Her pain in her lower right quadrant was so bad she was having trouble walking. Although she drove, she couldn’t walk into the ER. I was caught by a nurse trying to procure a wheel chair. Thankfully he took over until we got to the door. We spent 7 hours there that day. They did every test and culture, except the ultra sound because she was also having stenosis of her cervix. After all that they sent her home with instructions to use Tylenol for pain. They couldn’t find any infection or reason to keep her there and we had to wait for the cultures to come back.
The next day she went to her regular clinic and took the notes from the hospital. They didn’t do any more tests because they could see that the hospital had been thorough. They gave her some muscle relaxers, pain meds and a one dose antibiotic, just in case.
Yesterday, after watching her struggle for many days and watching to see if her test results were loaded into her PeaceHealth portal without success, I called the ER to see what the hold up was. They let me know that her cultures came back normal and that she should come back to try that ultrasound again. I was afraid of the bill associated with the hospital so I called her clinic; Karen is between insurance companies. They told me to call an advice nurse because they could not advise me to come in or not. The advice nurse, after finding out that Karen’s pain had been at a 6 for several hours, said they wanted her to be seen by somebody in the next 4 hours. So I called the clinic back and left a message. Then I began to get ready for the day. They did not call me back so when we were ready to leave we went back to the hospital.
This time, Karen had success with the test and we found out she has fibroid tumors on her right ovary. The doctor seemed more upset to tell us than we were to hear it. I think I was in shock. Honestly I don’t know how Karen feels about it but she did thank me for making her come back to the hospital. I told her pain like this is not to ignore. If we waited and it became worse and she died, that was not how I planned to spend my future.
This last week I have been surprised how my body has let me do a lot of things. I am the chronically ill one. My body doesn’t handle stress well. I have been doing my chores and Karen’s. I have been helping Karen get up, walk and get into bed. I have also been doing financials and filling out charity care paperwork to get help with the hospital bill. I have found that the hospital is a perfect place to read since I have devoured almost 2 books while sitting there. I have had to adjust to the stress of our needy cat too. I didn’t start to fall apart until last night.
I had put a turkey in the crockpot before we left for the hospital so we had something to eat when we got home. When we got done with turkey and green beans and a treat of pumpkin custard with chocolate ganache on top. I had no energy left. I had to have a nap. So I set an alarm and got up at 10:45 pm to take care of the rest of the turkey. That is not a small job; pulling all the meat off the bones, setting aside the innards for Karen and separating the drippings for a stew. I needed some me time so I did a bible study and then read some more. This book I am reading is really great; it is also a good distraction.
I was chewing on the idea that it might be cancer.
I didn’t sleep well. Fibromyalgia is not nice. She causes a terrible kind of pain that nothing really helps take the sting out of and my body temp fluctuates a lot. Emotions trigger her…I am also breaking out with a new psoriasis spot.
Sometime in the early hours my sister, Jamie Holloway, sent me a message about Karen. She is worried. Because I wanted Jamie to be at rest, I googled fibroid tumors and found that they are not cancerous and don’t increase the chance of cancer but they are super painful and will probably require a surgery. But they aren’t cancer. I passed this onto Jamie. Sometimes Jamie sends me the perfect message the right time. Although I am still stressed out. This has been an expensive week and Karen has missed a lot of work and we rely on her working so heavily. I am a little relieved to know that it probably isn’t cancer and as I passed onto Jamie, Karen’s ovary is not twisted and there didn’t appear to be any other anomalies.
God must be flexing his muscles right now because the bible says when I am weak He is strong…I am about on my face.
Karen will find out soon the next step with the gynecologist. We know God has us.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 20, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Prayers, Thanksgiving
Strength for Each Day: 365 Devotions to Make Every Day a Great Day by Joyce Meyer
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
The last year or so has had its own challenges, as I am sure every year has but this book, Strength For Each Day 365 Devotions to Make Every Day a Great Day by Joyce Meyer has been a blessing each time I have opened it’s pages. I have laughed, cried and enjoyed the wisdom on the pages as I needed on the days that I was wise enough to make sure I made time to be in the word. I can’t say I am faithful to every day, but I try and God is always faithful to me. I actually follow this devotional with another bible study and I was always surprised that no matter what, the bible studies always seemed to fit together and echo the message for the day.
I highly recommend this book to anyone that wants help with their walk. Each study is only one page long and offers the scripture for the lesson on the top of the page so if you want to carry it with you and don’t want to bring a bible too, you are prepared. Many of the studies mention other scriptures so you can go deeper if you like.
View all my reviews
I got this book from my sister Jamie Holloway. You can get your own copy of Strength For Each Day 365 Devotions to Make Every Day a Great Day by Joyce Meyer on Amazon.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 18, 2023 | Opinions, Prayers
I don’t watch the news on TV. I read it. I have been reading a lot about the war in Gaza and even in the Ukraine and many people are of the mind that we may be heading towards World War III. I hope I absorb enough to understand what is actually happening and that I am not over-reacting. I have been hoping that it would not grow to be a large enough issue and that we could look forward to our presidential elections happening before we were in the thick of it.
I am of the belief that President Biden is too old and frail to do his job well. I would like to see him step aside. I would like to see Trump also step aside or it to be voted unconstitutional by our Supreme Court that he be able to run, since our Congress has already voted against his running for a second term. I would like to see younger people have a chance at the office of president. I would like to see people with war experience be in the office of President of the United States. Pete Buttigieg is an actual war veteran. Nikki Haley is not a veteran but her husband is active in the military now so he would be able to speak to her. Our country has not had a president that was a war veteran since President George H.W. Bush and I don’t understand why this isn’t more important to voters; how can our Commander and Chief really know how to command our troops if they don’t know what our military are going through?
I didn’t have anything to measure this by until I married my wife, Karen G Clemenson. I do not make promises as part of my religious beliefs, so even though I think the flag of the United States of America is beautiful, I do not say the Pledge of Allegiance, but I do thank God while others do, because I know it is a gift to live in a country that offers me the freedoms that other countries don’t. My wife is a veteran and she loves her flag and her country and I can see it. The world looks different through her eyes. She is not offended by my beliefs but I am made stronger by hers. This has made my belief that our president should be a veteran or at least married to a veteran. It makes a difference.
I know that the bible says to support Israel and bless them but since the beginning of this war, I was not able to bless them without also praying for Palestine. There are victims on both sides of this war. Hamas has victimized the Palestinians for too long, leaving them unable to vote, destitute and living in violence and now Hamas is attacking Israel as well. Israel is not totally innocent here either. I have prayed to God for wisdom and I believe He has answered me. I believe I honor Him by praying for both sides and asking for Hamas to be taken down and communication to be opened between Israel and Palestine as they are truly descendants of brothers; Isaac and Ishmael.
I know that Iran has supported Hamas and continue to do so. Hezbollah has made an effort to jump in, they too are a terrorist group supported by Iran. I read yesterday that the United States has ships in place to stop support from other countries who want to support Hamas. This has opened my eyes to see we are already in this war. I read another article that was more specific today. We have warships that carry helicopters and assault planes and medical supplies to help as needed in place and more on the way. We are sending weapons and special forces operations and are preparing more troops to send, if needed. The Pentagon has also ordered additional warplanes. President Biden is already leading us in this war. So I pray that God leads President Biden well and his support staff and his cabinet. I also pray the we as a nation continue to pray for the life and health of our president, for his wisdom and courage. I will continue to pray for our troops, especially my nephew in the Navy and my cousin in the Army and any of your loved ones who are serving in our Armed Forces.
God Bless you.
Read More:
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 27, 2023 | About Summer, Cancer, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Wellness
I have been depressed for at least a month. This is a big depression. I have lived with bouts of depression for as long as I can remember. Anxiety too. You can’t fix me. I can’t fix me. I think this is the spur in my saddle because God has chosen to not heal me. But He has not left me alone or unprotected, even though my brain lies to me and tries to get me to believe that I am alone, and that I will never see my dreams fulfilled, and that sometimes I am better off dead.
As a chronically ill person I have a lot of diagnosis’ and I have a lot of things I do every day to help me have a life as healthy as possible. I often pray throughout the night, since my body temperature and pain levels fluctuate making it hard to sleep, not to mention the nightmares or stressful dreams. But I also pray before I get out of bed. I also have a workout that focuses on my core and hips before I get out of bed or walking is very hard. I used to have a personal hygiene self care list because when you are depressed, it can be hard to floss your teeth, but I have finally got the habit of my personal care leading up to dressing set. I take a lot of meds; 15 prescriptions to be exact. I have three batches of meds I take daily: morning, mid-day and evening; I also have an injectable I take on Saturday evening. I have timers set to remind me. The second set of meds revolve around meals. Most days I take a walk and also have an afternoon workout. All my workouts are about 10-15 minutes long because when you have chronic pain you can’t go too long or you might not function well the next day. I have a bible study time. I have reading times. I have daily chores to keep my home clean. I must clean something every day because I can’t do big cleaning days. I have so many food sensitivities that I cook most of my food from scratch. I have to order some of my food online because I can’t find some items in Longview. It is a lot of work to be me.
My Medical Conditions Are:
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Panic Disorder
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Fibromyalgia
- Psoriatic Arthritis
- Osteoarthritis
- Lymphedema
- Hiatal Hernia
- Gastrointestinal Reflux Disease
- Diabetes
- Chronic Migraine
- Endometrial Cancer
- Morbid Obesity
I see a Psychiatric RN to help me manage my mood stabilizers and a Therapist to help me with my thoughts and mental wellness plan. I see a Neurologist to help me with my migraines. I see a Rheumatologist to help me with my arthritis and fibromyalgia issues, however nobody usually has many answers for fibro. I control my GERD through diet since the meds for GERD cause cancer. I see Gynecological Oncologist for my endometrial cancer. I also see my Primary for everything else. Since August I have seen them all and even had several consults with other specialists for several other things. This is the first week I have not had one or two appointments and had to offer my arms up for blood tests. I am sure this is part of my depression. I am exhausted.
I have also had several big losses since May.
I am also facing some big things. The cancer meds cause weight gain. The hysterectomy I am facing is very dangerous at my size. I am having a very hard time getting weight off. The idea of having my girl parts removing is hard to face on its own, but the fact I could die or not be able to handle the laparoscopic surgery and will awake to being cut open from stem to stern really scares me not only for vanity reasons but the pain and agony of the healing process and the chance of complications and infection really causes me to lose my breath sometimes.
Yesterday was a terrible day. I struggled to do anything. I struggled but I did do my morning workout and prayer and get dressed. i did take my meds. I did take a walk. I did put laundry away and made dinner. I posted a request for prayer and so many replied that they would pray and that helped so much!
One woman replied with a laundry list and it really pissed me off. I know she doesn’t know me. I don’t think she knows what real depression is. If she did she would know that when you are low enough to post on a social networking site for help, the last thing you need is a to do list. You just need to know that someone heard your plea.
I was born a literal person. I am very clear when I write. I was specific. I asked for prayers. That is what I wanted. I have my daily lists. I know what to do. Sometimes that list is not enough. That is what I was trying to convey. You might wonder how I can write this if I am depressed, because I am still depressed. For me, writing sometimes helps me find my voice and come out of it. But many of us that live with depression have had to learn to live with it. We function to some extent in spite of our depression. We know that it will probably get better because this isn’t our first time. What we need is people to listen when we are brave enough to say: Hey see me! I feel like I am drowning over here.
You can’t fix me. But you can see me and hear me or you can just leave me alone.
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Sep 4, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Thanksgiving
Some things are pretty great! Being an auntie was the best part of my young life. The memories I have with Jordan, Allie, Jessa, Casey, Kayla and Braden are some of my all time best! I was never more happy than when I was with them. I have always loved children. But never like I had learned to love these children. They were the best of their parents and with them I suddenly understood more about myself because things I thought were weird in me, were in them, and they were perfect.
Braden once told me that he was not perfect, after I had told him he was the perfect Braden. I laughed and told him that is what I meant when I told him, he was the perfect Braden. I knew he wasn’t perfect, but he was the perfect Braden and I loved him for who he was, imperfections and all. I had factored those in.
I wasn’t ready to be an aunt when Jordan was born. I was only 17-years-old, but around the time Jessa and Casey were born I was about 25 and I was ready to drop everything for an afternoon for whatever they wanted. I was ready for clearance shopping all year round so that by the time birthdays and Christmas came, I had piles of great presents for everyone. I was ready to tell my mother that I loved Jordan and Jessa just as much as Casey and she would have to accept that. They weren’t steps to me.
I got to be myself with these children. Sometimes I even slipped in front of everyone else. They were confused for a moment because I was joyful and laughing. I spoke differently to the kids than I had ever been spoken to. I got where I didn’t yell unless they were so loud I couldn’t be heard and I used phrases like, “Did you feel loved when he did that to you?” I talked about Jesus, my best friend and was there when most of them asked Jesus into their hearts. I was glad to buy them all their first bibles, engraved with their names on them. One time, when they had all earned swats I talked about grace and how none of us deserve it, and since I didn’t make sure everyone got a nap and snacks when they needed it, I was wrong too so they were forgiven because that is what grace is. I wanted to be different.
When the other child answered that they didn’t feel loved, it gave the first child the option to make amends, and they always did. Casey, Kayla and Braden, and sometimes Allie were together so often that they were very close. They really did love each other and loved to play together but they sometimes got on each other’s nerves, but they didn’t want to make the other one to feel unloved.
I knew to ask that question because I often felt unloved growing up. I don’t think it was on purpose, but it still happened. If Jesus hadn’t introduced Himself to me under that apple trees in my backyard when I was 5-years-old my life would have looked very different. He gave me a foundation for all the times when I would be left alone or not validated, neglected or abused verbally. When my siblings would be allowed to abuse and mistreat me. When I had no one, I had God, even when I forgot, He always reminded me. For that I am so grateful.
For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy and blameless, and above reproach in His sight—
Colossians 1:19-22
My 30 year high school reunion is about to happen. I don’t feel the need to go. I went to the 10 year reunion, back when I was still in relationship with a few people I went to school with but in reality, I hardly remember anyone I went to school with and I am no longer friends with anyone but my sister, Jamie Holloway, from high school. School was my break from home. I don’t remember bullies. There probably were some but I was used to being called names at home. I was always a fat kid. When I graduated, I weighed 350 lbs. But I know now that my brain disassociates pain very easily so there are a lot of things I don’t remember.
I do remember standing up for Jamie. Boys can be mean to girls with big breasts. Which is stupid since no girl that I ever knew wanted to have big breasts. Kids can also be mean to girls in double casts trying to get into one of the only two doors into the school with a ramp. I remember telling off some football players, one day, and then making sure I got to school as soon as I could, every day, to make sure I could help her get through those doors and up that ramp. Jamie didn’t deserve some of the crap she got in high school. There were several times I defended her. It is no wonder that she has no desire to attempt to go to our reunion. I joked with my wife, Karen G Clemenson, that since Jamie was my prom date, I can’t go without her, but really, I am afraid that seeing certain people might wake up things I don’t want to remember.
This weekend I went to Allie’s 2nd baby shower. It was a beautiful event and the room was filled with family and love. It was a hot day and the building was not air-conditioned but it wasn’t too bad if you weren’t too active. As people began to leave, I was able to have a moment with my niece. She was feeling self-conscious because her nose was bright red and sweating (just like her dad, who has passed away) so I checked her ears. Then I reminded her that her dad’s ears turned bright red when he was tired and only one of her’s turned red and I could see she had a red ear, both her and her brother, Casey, were that way. She smiled. Her faced darkened and she reminded me that her sister, Kayla, didn’t come and her aunt, her father’s sister, lives just down the street and she didn’t come either. I hugged her and I know the words that came out of my mouth were not just mine, but the Holy Spirit: It’s hard to do, but we have to put the past behind us, and today is pretty great!
I got another smile and a nod.
God has been working with me to put the past behind me. Dwelling on the pain has not helped me to move forward. Waiting for changed behavior or validation is probably a waste of time, especially when those who have hurt me don’t think they are wrong.
The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
Ecclesiastes 7:8
The division in my extended family had to come. I have forgiven them. But there is no trust. There is no foundation to build it on. As someone who has stood up for others I loved, that were bullied, it took me many years to realize that I was bullied. It took my anger at how my extended family dumped Allie to understand that they did all the same things to me and much more and I needed to stop going back to the circus. I was not made to be a performer. My strength lies in my authenticity.
Their personal traumas are real but they are not my responsibility. They have the same opportunity to seek therapy and whatever it takes to heal for their peace of mind. That is what it would take for me to come back because I don’t give my time to people that don’t talk about issues and try to make them better, who aren’t considerate of someone who is hurting and who can only think of themselves and what will make them feel happy, especially if that is something that hurts someone else. I am not a scapegoat or a whipping boy anymore. I will not be rejected or ignored anymore. I am important and worthy because God said so.
Because I am no longer alienated but I am reconciled and blameless, and I am learning to be patient…today is pretty great!
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Aug 24, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Thanksgiving
Sometimes I have to stop and say: Thank You God
There are times that there is just no other answer I can come up with that explains some of the blessings that come in my life. I have had a lot of loss and I do have a lot of things I have to contend with every day but I know that I am never alone. Even when I forget that, I am reminded by Him that I am not. He is always faithful, even when I am tired and forget to be.
For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
I was surprised to find this in my reading on Tuesday. I have been chewing on this because it makes so much sense, yet I was so surprised that it was part of the relationship with God. We are expecting life to get better and easier as we walk with Christ, and in many ways it is so much easier but in many ways it is also so much harder as well. I find myself thankful that He protects me from what I don’t need to know. I am grateful for His wisdom and that I can trust that He knows what I can handle.
God hasn’t chosen to let us have our apartment yet, and I don’t understand that, but I do know that He knows what He is doing in, and, through us. He has allowed some barriers, yet, He is leading us to be fruitful and generous in the other ways and I have to trust Him.
One thing I want to praise Him for is that I budget my part of the expenses almost to the dollar and for the past several months there seems to be anywhere from $15 to $25 left over in my checking account. I have been tucking away those few dollars into savings accounts. This month there was an overage of $60, exactly what I need to get Xavier’s shots next month. I have no answer but God. I check my list of expenses and see they all were paid and I get the same amount of money each month. But I know that God loves Xavier too and He knows that Xavier’s care is important to me.
Those little transfers may eventually add up to the first and last month’s rent and a truck rental to move without the help we have been trying to apply for. Sorrow is not so hard when you are resting in the arms of your Savior.
After I called the vet to make Xavier’s appointment for his shots in September and his exam in January, I texted my wife, Karen G Clemenson, to let her know I had the money for his appointments in a savings account so she didn’t have to worry about that bill when she the event pop up on her phone. She was thankful. I told her about my checking account overages and all she could say is: God is good all the time!
It is good to stop and say: Thank You God!
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Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Jul 10, 2023 | Book & Product Reviews, Opinions, Prayers
When you are a Christian or any other religion where you have a Creator, prayer is probably the most important part of your belief system, or at least it should be. That is, at least what I think. I got this book from a box of of books from my sister and it was a great reminder. How To Talk With God by Joyce Meyer is a simple reminder of some very basic things about how to talk with your Creator. It should be basic because it really is just talking to your best friend, at least He is YOUR best friend.
When you don’t know what to do…
When you have a need…
When you feel anxious and afraid…
When someone offends you or hurts your feelings…
When you are sick…
When you are discouraged or feel like giving up…
When someone you love is suffering…
When you have a problem of any kind…
PRAY! (more…)
by Summer D Clemenson | Apr 22, 2023 | Community, Life, Opinions, Prayers
I have spent the last week dialoguing with a local woman, that I will refer to as Susan, about homosexuality. She is a Christian woman that has different ideas than I do. I believe she is a kind woman but according to my understanding of my queer family, she is judging us and I have told her so, in a loving way. She shared a video with me of a woman that at one time was a LBGTQIA+ Activist but now is telling others that you can’t be gay and be a Christian. I appreciate the woman in the video’s experience but we all have our own experiences and I don’t agree with her.
As I told Susan: I know what God has told me. When I realized that I was queer, I had already gone through so much with God’s help; little did I know what He had in store for me. But when I had come to the realization of my sexuality, I told Him I thought He had more faith in me than I thought I could possibly be worthy of. The last 9 years have been a crash course in homophobia, white supremacy and being disabled and all that implies. Not one step was taken without God either dragging me, carrying me or showing me a new way.
Because my main spiritual gifting is empathy, I feel people’s pain and I can tell you that it has been hard to tell other’s pain from my own at times. That is what judgement does. It cause pain. It steals trust. It shuts down communication. It stops growth. It also causes the human reaction to judge back…which is rally hard to avoid. I am telling you the consequences of not listening to part of the bible that says judge not lest ye be judged and why look at the speck in your brother’s eye when there is a log in your own eye. We are here to love each other. Not make new laws and rules. That action only makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross.
There are people that deserve to be fought for that have been long hated by the church, shunned, lied about and not supported and whether you want to admit it or not, when you make someone have to shut a part of themselves away from you, to protect themselves, when you judge them, and they are queer, to a queer person, it is called homophobia.
In the video I watched, this woman said that some queer people have the agenda to make the “gay lifestyle” top of the mind and that might be true, but many people have different reasons for that. Personally I don’t watch a lot of TV. A quick response to not wanting to be manipulated through media: Read more books and encourage your children to do the same. But I think that portraying a world that is more realistic is profitable, emotionally. There are many households with two moms or two dads and that is not so weird in real life so why would it be odd in a TV show?
The problem is that when you make statements like, “You can’t be gay or lesbian and also be a Christian,” you are shutting out a lot of people from an important conversation. You are also making God a lot smaller than He really is. God affirms everything He has created. He loves ALL his creation. True, some people can “be saved” from being queer but not everyone; in fact it is quite rare, so what about the ones that have been shunned and abused for their entire life. If Jesus would leave the entire flock for one lost sheep, don’t you think that your ideas and behaviors might make it hard for those lost sheep to come home?
Here is a truth. I found faith in my backyard when I was 5-years-old. In my baby book my mother wrote that since I was 6-years-old, she could find me studying my bible, on my own. I have worn 3 1/2 bibles out in my life (my current one is almost done). I dragged my family and friends to church for the first 20 years of my life and then God told me to leave that church. He said that church could not teach me anything more. At 20 years old, I found myself at another church. I stayed there diligently for 5 more years and then my car broke down and no one ever called me to see if I needed a ride. They only called me when it was my turn to dress the communion table. I told them what I thought about that. I stayed with them off and one for 13 years but I also challenged God. As a 30 year old Christian I thought I should feel more mature. So just Him, my bible and me and He taught me things, no one had ever told me, or maybe I missed with all the lights, sounds and humanity in the churches I had been at…I am very easily stimulated.
Now I visit churches but I never stay because they are too human. The last one I was at taught things that were not in the bible. The one before the pastor was always more interested in planning his next mission trip, although his teaching was intelligent and interesting, but I could feel the fear of key people in the church because they didn’t know what would happen if a gay person was allowed in the church, the church before that was accepting but I felt like a token gay person in an affirming church…and to be honest the worship music was full of joy but the sound was an assault on my ear drums (I am so sorry).
Where are queer people supposed to congregate where they are not going to be abused, where they can learn the word, where they are not going to be treated weird and they are going to be treated with the love of Christ?
Susan thanked me for listening to her and not hating on her or blocking her. In reality I was treating her as I would want to be treated; as most people in the queer community, that I have met, want to be treated. We want to be able to be ourself without being told to be quiet or hide. We want to be heard and not put down. We just want to live our life. If that is a bad agenda, I would think that is the agenda all people have.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 24, 2023 | About Summer, Life, Opinions, Prayers
Sometimes when we have a strong response to something it is because memories are bigger than the thing we are responding to. The other day I made a post on Facebook because I have seen so many memes and posts with the middle finger and it made me angry. It wasn’t my original post but it was the most important part. It said the important part for who I am now: I do swear but even my wife says it sounds weird coming out of my mouth. I have heard that often in my life. I do like fancy words better. My Nana always said there were so many beautiful adverbs to use instead of vulgarities. I agree with her. My one peeve that I can’t get over and it is getting worse is the middle finger. I think it is the trashiest thing one can ever do. Talk about low class not only to the person being flipped off but by the person doing it. It’s like you have decided to use one perfectly good finger to shut off all communication.
Since the day or two since I posted it, I seem to be fighting in my head again with real memories and feelings that have to do with the person I hate the most; the person that seeing “the bird” reminds me of. These are big statements. One, I have allowed myself to blame Anna for some of my behavior but as I am taking responsibility for my wellness, I realize that Anna is me. She is sometimes younger than me, but she is still me and I am responsible for her. Another thing that was hard for me to face this morning was that I have hate inside myself. I didn’t think I did. But after really paying attention to my memories, my responses to these memories and what I really want from my analysis of these memories, I do, in fact, have hatred inside myself. I know that forgiveness is a process and even though I have chosen to forgive many times, there are specific things I have tried to set down, I have failed.
A part of me wants to write a raving article about the terrible things this person did to me and my family. How their self-centered actions, time and time again hurt me, terrorized me, and made it impossible for me to ever trust them; even when I really tried hard to honor their role through marriage to my father. She stole things from me that cannot be replaced. She instilled things in my family that can not be forgotten. Her “helpfulness” was usually a way to get what she needed. But she knew how to pet my father, who deserved to be petted.
If I allow myself, this blog will go forever with accusations. I don’t want to live like that. I have to remember that. I have worked really hard to learn how to choose peace. It is no surprise that this lifelong problem has been lying in wait for me when I thought I had figured most things out. That is when foundational issues usually come out. I feel depressed because I have found myself guilty of holding hatred and unforgiveness for most of my life inside of me. I am talking to God. There is fear of letting this go. I don’t know life without this hatred. I am grateful that He has brought me to a place where I can finally take stock. I am grateful that we have walked through similar walks before and I know that when I am ready to let go, He will told me together. I am even grateful that He loves my step-mother and wants her wellness too because I don’t have to like her, I just have to forgive her.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 22, 2023 | About Summer, Opinions, Prayers
I was triggered today. Even though I may be ready to graduate from therapy, doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments when my PTSD isn’t still in the room with me; when I suddenly feel the dread, fear and victimization that I felt growing up. I still have to deal with the child inside of me that didn’t get what she needed. I was on Facebook, randomly scrolling, as on does when I saw a meme that said: “People with siblings have better survival skills because they’ve had experience in physical combat, psychological warfare, and sensing suspicion activity.”
I suddenly remembered why I quit playing with dolls; because one sibling always pulled their heads off. I was saved by Cabbage Patch Kids because you couldn’t pull their heads off…but then again, I remembered watching TV and suddenly have piercing pain in my head as the nose of that sibling’s bald headed Kyle Blakey came down on my head. Or the sadness I felt when my Margaret Elizabeth and Weston Carlton got makeovers with the blue ball point pen that never washed off by an artist of the same name as my sibling. There were more dangerous things they did; more deadly. I never had peace. My parents didn’t physically abuse me but they also never did anything to protect me from the sadistic behavior of this sibling who thought it was ok to chase me through the house with a steak knife more than once. I was bigger. They didn’t believe me. They probably didn’t know what to do.
The list of hurts kept going and I tried to make it stop. Instead I decided to focus on a bible study. That usually helps me focus on today. That sibling is not in my life.
But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever. 9 I will praise You forever, because You have done it; and in the presence of Your saints I will wait on Your name, for it is good.
Psalm 52:8-9
God’s mercy is enough for me and He has proven His goodness. His mercy is also enough for my sibling. He knows what we both struggle with. Mentally healthy people don’t abuse each other. Mentally healthy people want light and life for each other.
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the church of the saints.
1 Corinthians 14:33
Even though I had a lot of confusion growing up, that is not what God did. He has created peace for me that is what I am looking for and that is what I choose. I have the right to choose this. I also pray this for my sibling.
“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘let me remove the speck from your eye;’ and look a plank is in your own eye?”
Matthew 7:4
I am not without sin and never have been. I am not tied to it but as a child I didn’t know that. Even if my only sins against my sibling were in response to their bad behavior, I am sure there were some, in fact, I know there were some and I am sorry.
I don’t know if we will ever have the ability to trust each other. I know we don’t know each other. As I responded to the harsh realities of losses growing up, I shut down parts of myself. I never felt safe to be myself at home. Maybe my siblings felt the same way. Maybe even my parents felt the same way. I know this meme was supposed to be a joke, but it was a reminder that physical combat, psychological warfare and sensing suspicion was part of my life, every day, growing up and I have the scars to prove it.
Now as I have learned to make decisions, I am choosing to have a life of light and peace.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Mar 21, 2023 | Community, Life, Opinions, Prayers, Queer Community
The gift that Jesus gave us by His death, burial and resurrection is not understood nearly as big until you have read the Old Testament. There are books filled with so many laws that it is exhausting to think about how you could do much of anything else but focus on these laws all day and try to follow them. No wonder we needed Jesus. I am convinced that this is the reason that God did it this way, to prove that we needed a Savior because there was no way to keep all those rules. Human nature makes it impossible. In fact laws being as they are, cause us to need more of them and they become more important than the people they are designed to protect so then it is no longer about protecting people but about rules. Which is where Jesus had trouble with the Pharisees (Mark 7:6-7). But when we make laws to control people we are mocking Jesus on the cross.
There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all.
1 Corinthians 12: 4-7
I have read this part of scripture so many times, usually focusing on the specific types of spiritual gifts because that is very human of me to want to have the power to heal or prophecy, teach or lead, work miracles, discern or speak in tongues or translate but today, it seems very apparent to me the this scripture is not about the gift but the Giver that is in me. My Creator did not equip me with gifts so that I could bless myself but God’s agenda — to love my neighbor — all my neighbors. (Matthew 5:43-44)
I call my Creator God, because that is how I know Him, but even calling Him, Him is a taught comfort. God calls Himself Father, probably because Hew knew how many of us would need a loving and consistent Father, but since God is Spirit, He doesn’t have a gender. God is really a They or a Them and when God speaks internally the pronoun used was “Us.” (Genesis 1:26)
The same Lord who created me, created you. They love us both and offer us the same mercy and salvation — and even spiritual gifts, as the Spirit sees fit. Whether you and I agree on politics, religion or any other topic under the sun, were are all the same in the eyes of God (Galatians 3:26-28). We are called to love each other — especially those we think are our enemies (see Matthew 5:43-44 again).
There are churches that want to condemn sex education classes and ostracize transgender children in the name of protecting their children and religious freedom. These same churches house people that have sexually victimized people I know. They have taught beyond the bible and created their own doctrines. I do not hate them. I feel sorrow for them. They have missed the love of Christ somewhere and that this love is for everyone. They have let fear blind them so they do not see the sin at their feet.
Fear is the root of hate. If we are honest than the light of Christ can heal so much. His light can open our eyes to the real issues.
Sex is not a bad topic as long as we are honest about it. My parents never talked to me about sex. I am thankful for the public school system. Without the education I was given, I would have only known what my friends told me until I realized I could do my own research and most kids do not do that.
Transgender children have enough problems with body dysmorphia, most likely they don’t want to dress down for PE or take showers at school. As the fattest kid in my class, I know, I didn’t. All children need somewhere where they are not treated badly and many times home is not a safe place for trans kids.
How about Christian parents teaching their kids to extend compassion instead of judgement and fear while loving their neighbor as themselves?
Christians were called to be different and God didn’t mean being a bully. Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment and He said: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength; This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
I was listening to a sermon on TV last week and the way the preacher described the old text was that we were supposed to go out of our way to love our neighbor, as if they were of greater value than us. That is a huge difference than what I do and I often see. Instead, I see:
‘This people honors Me with their lips but their heart is far from Me. 7 And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrine the commandments of men.’ Mark 7:6-7
I am so thankful that Jesus came and found me under the apple trees when I was 5-years-old. He knew I would need Him to guide me through some scary things. He knew I would be able to see, hear, smell, feel and taste things others could not and that is why He made me and chose me. This same Savior loves us all, whether we are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Trumpster, Queer, Straight, Law-abiding, Criminal, Fat or Fit, Rich or Poor or any other trait any of us might judge each other for and He gifts us as He sees fit for the moment.
You might condemn me because I am bisexual or demi-sexual or because I am happily married to a woman for 9 years on May 9th. But I know God does not. I know this because I asked Him and He told me not to divorce her. He is the true head of our household and Karen and I love it that way. When we cna’t handle each other, we hand each other off to our Maker because He knows exactly what to do.
We must, as Christians, remember that Christ came to free us from the law. Laws were meant to lead us to Christ but righteousness doesn’t come through laws, especially new laws. Church and State must be separate because when we live in the Spirit, as we are called to, the Spirit guides us to live in love, where are neighbor is more important than ourself so laws are not necessary. When we are loving God with all our heart, soul and mind and our neighbor as ourself, laws are only necessary for people that do not know Jesus. Living in any other way makes a mockery of what Jesus did on the cross. (Galatians 2:20-21)
Being a Christian is simple. Our life is about making our life about God. Our life is not about judging others.
~
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, unapologetically, I am a Christian, but I believe there is room for lots of beliefs and religions in the world. It is not my intent to offend people with different beliefs than I have and I would be open to open-minded conversations with no goals of changing anyone’s mind, but sharing information.
If you are interested in becoming a Christian…Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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