by Summer D Clemenson | Nov 2, 2021 | Cancer, Life
Today was a success! Even though the clutch went out (we will find out if the parts that are acting up are still covered by the warranty on Wednesday) we were able to get a rental…thanks to our good friend, Jhohanna, and not miss my first visit with the oncologist.
I did not take my pill that helps me sleep last night because it makes me sleep hard and I didn’t want to sleep through my alarm. I knew the only way I could do all walking I needed to do is if I started my day with my workout…so on about 3 hours sleep I did my whole day. Lucky for me, my only appointment tomorrow is on Zoom… I may not be able to move much tomorrow…
We made it without any events and I really like my doctor. She explained things well and her goal is for me to have surgery within the first week of December. She has taken me off a lot of my supplements and I will probably have to go off methotrexate the week before surgery. I already had labs scheduled for Thursday to check my hemoglobin and kidneys but my oncologist wants to order full labs so she will talk to my primary. She wants a CAT Scan and echocardiogram too. I will probably see her two more times before surgery.
She is very positive about my diagnosis. From my test results it appears I am in stage 1, class 1. This means we caught it early and it growing very slowly. My procedure will be done laparoscopically which means it will heal faster.
On our way back we stopped at Trader Joe’s and grabbed a few things for dinner to take to Jamie’s home. I love their yogurt and carrot juice so we got some of that too.
Our visit with Jamie was wonderful! We Zoom and chat often so we are up to date but it has been so long since I could hug her neck! It was great! I brought gifts I have been collecting since I saw her last. She had some for us. It is fun to see what we have for each other…although I must say my favorite gift was watching Nicholas year into the Goofy toy I bought him! I think more toys might be found for fur-nephew…
I am now lying in bed and will probably not need help falling asleep tonight. What a great day!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 31, 2021 | Cancer, Life
I have been in therapy many times throughout my life. I have been diligent for the last 6 years. I am healing from a lifetime of being a scapegoat. I have had people from my past on restriction for about 5 years and now know I must give up the idea of reconciliation. This has been a gut wrenching decision, long in the making. I have mourned for years and I imagine I will have moments of mourning for the rest of my life but I am at the point where I must focus on my life…funny that a 45-year-old woman would say this, but I was 35 before I realized I didn’t even know what I wanted.
My main goal in therapy, now that I have accepted my decision, is to keep fine tuning my response to adversity and continue to love myself and affirm my own value. The cycle of abuse ends with me.
I have wanted to be a foster parent since I was very young and these beautiful children don’t deserve to come to another dysfunctional home. In my house we do our best every day, recognize failure and start again. There will be no scapegoat or golden child, orbiting spouse or flying monkeys (unless we are watching The Wizard of Oz).
When my nephews and nieces were little and they would act out, I would ask the other children if they felt loved by this behavior and then we would express other ways to communicate and interact with each other. I intend to keep that up. There is no need to compete in a family who refuses to leave a man behind.
The last few days have been hard. With effects of cancer and inappropriate interactions with people from my past, I have been dealing with feelings of failure, hopelessness, anxiety and obsessive thoughts, but I try again every day. So far I have done my workout, had a nice brunch with My Love, have a load in the washing machine and I will probably make some adjustments to who can view my posts. I might see if my friends want to Zoom or read a book…who knows…but whatever I end up doing I plan to make sure it adds to my life. I deserve it.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 27, 2021 | Cancer, Life
Today was a good day. I have very little energy but I was able to stay awake more today than yesterday. Maybe my body will adjust to the new meds and it wont be so bad…especially as I get used to the side effects. I already take a lot of meds but I have to say the side effects of the cancer meds are not fun…headaches, extremely painful gas pains, absolute exhaustion, constant cotton mouth…even my taste buds seem to have changed…avocados seem to taste like fish lately…and not in a good way. Jamie Holloway reminded me that I will see the oncologist in 6 days and maybe she will make some helpful changes.
My moods are balancing out but anger still creeps in and I have no one to be angry with so I feel very frustrated. No one gave me cancer (or any of my chronic conditions), it doesn’t make sense to be angry at my sick body…she didn’t mean to get sick, and cancer just happens sometimes, so it doesn’t make sense to be angry at cancer being itself. Yet I have the worry and the pain and everything else that comes with it. I don’t carry it alone though. This isn’t the first time Jamie has reminded me of something positive and you have to believe that Karen wakes up positive (after her coffee…and at least 10 am) and she stays that way until she passes out. Last night she was verbally reminding herself that her talking was keeping me from falling asleep. I also know that I have a ton of people praying for me and believing I will be healed. That helps too.
Today I had to adjust my November budget, lucky for me, Karen bought some of the things on my list so it wasn’t hard to add the things I missed on. While I was in spreadsheets I added the receipts for October that I have so far…and because I my OCD gets things interesting sometimes I looked to see what I have spent on wellness this year. Wow!
I am on disability and I do get more than single people, but I have co-pays, my insurance doesn’t cover all my prescriptions and between my tincture, vitamins and essential oils…I spend A LOT on supplements. From January through September, Karen has spent $748.68 on my meds, after insurance. My October budget is not done so I didn’t add it but we have spent about $130 the last two months and I am sure it will keep going up with this cancer diagnosis. I have spent over $400 on doctor bills and that doesn’t count the balances I am working on, but I am grateful to be caught up on my payment plans and very grateful that all my doctors are willing to bill me (I am a little scared to see the bill for my ultrasound and MRI…and I know PeaceHealth has not updated my account for the 2 visits to the specialist each costing me $50 each. Between all the supplements, Karen pays for my tincture and I don’t separate her supplements from mine (she has a few different ones and so do I) and we both use the essential oils…it is hard to say what each of us pays for this part of our wellness and I am not even including groceries. It is very expensive to be sick.
I would like to take a moment for a shameless plug for Wellness Works NW…if you would like to avoid illness or have help creating an action plan for your wellness, regardless of whether you do or don’t have chronic illness, Karen G Clemenson would love to help you. She especially enjoys working with children, more mature adults and those living with chronic illnesses and she is really good at it. She is willing to go to doctor appointments and work with specialists on a personal plan for you. She has had several people who have come back from the doctor and heard from the doctor: Whatever your trainer was doing with you, keep doing it.
Did you know that you can write off some of your cost for a personal trainer? Karen does and she can tell you how…for the entire month of November if you purchase 2 months, up front, you can have January for free…Call or text 360-442-8061 for more information.
I was told to rest today so I saved laundry for tomorrow. I think I will spend the rest of the evening resting and watching reruns of Blue Bloods. Enjoy your evening!
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 20, 2021 | Cancer, Life
Every day I wake up is a good day. Today I am exhausted.
Jamie Holloway has been posting on Wellness Works NW about Invisible Illness Awareness. I live with invisible illness and if I didn’t have my cane you might not think I was sick. But I live with at least 10 diagnoses and I am good at pretending I am fine. I have watched my reaction during Zoom meetings where I have shooting pain running through my face with hardly a flinch and a calm placement of my hand on pressure points.
I don’t require a cane always but side effects from my mood stabilizers makes me randomly dizzy. I don’t know when it will happen and I don’t want to fall so I walk with a cane to brace myself when necessary. Without my mood stabilizers, I am tormented by obsessive thoughts and am angered easily. I take my pills everyday because I hate living with myself without them but mostly because Karen doesn’t deserve my rage…ever.
I can do my workout for an hour, most days but my workout is not aerobic and it cannot be. My exercises are meant to isolate and work individual muscles and joints so I can keep moving. My muscles and bones are strong but my nerves and connective tissues are affected by fibromyalgia and psoriatic arthritis. I also have lymphedema in my left leg, which means I have a lot of pooling and swelling in my leg. Many of my exercises are meant to help my body push fluids towards my abdomen so they can be eliminated. My body is always tired but there are times I don’t have a choice but to stop. Compound movements (movement that utilizes several muscle groups…like walking) are very draining for me.
I was so thankful to be invited to walk a section of the lake by one of Karen’s clients but in reality I have had so many flares, as well as issues related to my cancer, that I cannot do it. I am still low on blood; it took my body 4 months to recover from the transfusion I needed in February and my hemoglobin was not as low in February as it was in September. When you are low on blood your organs work harder to deliver the oxygen and blood needed throughout your body. Every time I have a flare I have trouble functioning at all because my pain triggers my anxiety which makes my pain worse and sometimes causes twitching in my breast bone, where I have arthritis; eventually, if it is a long flare I tend to become depressed.
I am hoping when my cancer is eradicated I will have an easier time building my stamina again. I miss the body that used to be able to walk a section of the lake in 10 minutes and could work all day. If I push myself too hard now, I may not be able to move for a day or two. I know I may never be able to do a 12 minute mile again but I do want to complete a 5K at some point in my life…probably not in the next 12 months though…
I have lived with GERD for 20 years. I used to take all kinds of meds but now I know how unhealthy that is. I have removed many things from my diet. These same things that cause eruptive acid reflux also causes pain and swelling in my body. I enjoy my stomach not hurting so even though it makes it hard to go out or even have dinner at someone else’s house, it works for me.
I didn’t choose to live in a body that needs all the rules I live with but I have learned to love my body and usually I am good at going with the flow. I have pushed myself a lot lately, trying to feel normal and do many things I let go while I was too sick to do them. I am not surprised I am exhausted today but I have learned to do many things while seated to save my energy. I was able to make Karen’s lunch. I put away the laundry from yesterday and laid out Karen’s clothes for tomorrow (she is so spoiled). I tidied up Karen’s“corner” not a fun job but necessary. I also cleaned out the drawer in my desk. I plan to spend the rest of the time until Karen gets home resting and napping with Xavier while Blue Bloods plays in the background. Yes…today was a good day..
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 14, 2021 | Cancer, Life
Today has been a great day! I got my workout in and gave myself a pedicure. I have had several moments with Karen and cuddled with Xavier. I can also sign off on the June financial documents…I worked on July and August a bit too…I have listened to great music…at some point I will put away the laundry that hangs to dry, take a walk with My Love and maybe even watch a movie.
It has occurred to me that my cancer diagnosis may have been the best thing to happen to me. I didn’t realize how much energy I gave everyday to mourn and pine for people that just aren’t into me. Since I made the decision to let them go, I find myself asking myself what I want to do today. I am much more focused and productive.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 11, 2021 | Cancer, Life
I have decided that cancer is just a diagnosis, much like all the other ones I have lived through. In fact I took having arthritis much harder because it is chronic and debilitating. I am going to live through this and become stronger…and if I don’t I will go live with Jesus. Either way I am blessed.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
by Summer D Clemenson | Oct 9, 2021 | Cancer, Life
I made two phone calls today. I had shared the news with my two best friends in their preferred way of communication; Messenger. I had thought it many times, cried about it too but those phone calls where I said the words brought me to hysterical tears. It doesn’t matter that the doctor said we caught it early, it is easily treatable and doesn’t usually spread quickly…I feel disconnected. I am changed. I have cancer.
I am overwhelmed with the response to my post about my cancer diagnosis. For someone who feels alone most of the time, I don’t even know what to say but: Thank you.
To be honest I am extremely touchy right now but thankful for positive comments.
I am not a person that understands contacting people on holidays only, so if you are one of those people, please just send your prayers.
Even if you think you know my history, you probably only know someone else’s perspective. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was also diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Lymphedema, GERD, Diabetes, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD…with only my wife and sister/friend to help me be strong. I have already been contacted by a sibling that hasn’t spoken to me in years. I made sure they understood I have nothing for them.
If this is too much information for you, I am sorry but I strive to live an honest and authentic life. Secrets got me here and they are not welcome anymore. It may sound like I have forgiving to do but I have forgiven and love and pray for the people in my past, I just have no appetite for drama and competition and I choose to be honest and refuse to be punished for it.
God bless you all.
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
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